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Moments of Wonder--What is English Magic?
Magic was invented in olden times by the Raven King, who was a flock of ravens tied together by their tails to give them intelligence nearly some of people's while they tried to escape. People used the intelligence unsuccessfully to make magic spells, while the Raven King used it successfully to escape from being tied together.
Three hundred years later, Mr Squirrell, a small nervous forest animal, made a nest out of the remaining magic spells, when a flock of ravens flew overhead and the spells began to work. Mr Squirrell used them to make a list of all remaining hoards of nuts in the forests of England.
Meanwhile, people were trying to use magic spells to make war on some other people. Mr Squirrell did not want to do this at all unless they could use one of his spells for firing reinforced walnuts at the enemy, but joined in reluctantly because the enemy would steal all the nuts.
Mr Odd, a man who was in disguise as an Ordinary Magician, was very extraordinary indeed, because Lord Wellie-Boot and Major Fox (who was a major fox) made him magic up a windmill full of zombies. This did not end well.
Mr Squirrell's best friend, who was a horse called John Christmas-eve, had a row with Mr Squirrell's other friend, Henry. Henry told Mr Squirrell he had to send John Christmas-eve away, because John Christmas-eve was Only a Horse and Not a Magician.
This made Mr Squirrell very sad, until something bad happened to Henry. Poor Henry was in pieces!
Oh, I forgot to say there was this bloke with weird hair. He was, like, a King, but only of this magic place. He told Stephen Black, who was black, that he should be King, but of England, which was a real place.
Then there was a Polish lady. She was in love with Mr Odd's wife, because Mr Odd was so odd, not to say, queer, that he wasn't there much, but kept being at war, or in italics--sorry, Italy, or in Eternal Darkness.
Mr Odd was in Eternal Darkness, but it wasn't that bad, because he had fires and candles. Mr Squirrell told him where all the nuts were, and he made Mr Squirrell a lovely nest, and they were very happy together.