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It all starts, like so many other things do, with Buck making a mistake. It is two a.m. on a Sunday in August. Buck is tossing and turning on the couch—not because it’s uncomfortable, but because he couldn’t shut his mind off. Every little night time sound and all of the shapes cast by moonlight are overwhelming. Insect buzzing, cricketing, the fridge humming in the kitchen, a clock ticking away, cars out on the street, pipes settling. Buck can see the shadow of a tree on the living room floor, the outline of what he knows is Eddie’s jacket, but could be a person hunched over, on the back of a chair, a bright, glowing blue dot on the internet modem that never shuts off, and the pattern of blinds cast onto his makeshift bed.
Then another noise. A soft, almost pitiful whimper from Eddie’s room. He’s having another nightmare, Buck concludes. It’s become an unfortunately common occurrence. It’s one of the reasons why Buck spends more nights on the Diaz couch than his own bed. Neither of them are coping well, but they’re better together.
Just like all those other nights, Buck climbs out of bed, slides into his slippers, and shuffles down the hallway to check on his friend.
But Eddie isn’t having a bad dream, tonight.
He’s stretched across on his bed, one leg straight out and the other bent at the knee, an arm flung over his face, and a hand gripping himself, stroking fervently. Buck, expecting to find his friend curled up and crying in his sleep, can’t choke back the comforting, rousing call of Eddie’s name.
There’s a brief moment where neither of them know what to do. Buck stands there, eyes glued to Eddie’s ridiculously gorgeous cock, and Eddie, just for a second, can’t tell what’s happening. Then he pulls a pillow over his lap and makes some sort of excuse like couldn’t sleep. Buck apologises, but it comes out as a splutter and an awkward thumbs up before he retreats to the living room.
From that moment on, Buck is obsessed.
He always knew Eddie was the most attractive man he’d ever seen, always knew he was all sculpted muscle like a Greek statue, tanned skin like a Venice Beach bohemian, hair like chocolate dusting his stomach, forming a trail pointing to a loosely kept secret, and eyes like sunshine and baked goods. He’s sex on legs despite the fact that Buck knows Eddie’s not nearly as… active as himself. But now the not-so-well-kept secret is seared into Buck’s brain. The thing is, he’s seen it before. They’ve changed in front of each other a hundred times, pee next to each other almost weekly, and shower a few feet apart regularly. Buck might wish otherwise, but it’s all been very… platonic. He’s never seen Eddie hard, although he has definitely “accidentally” ogled the odd bulge or outline through basketball shorts, linen trousers, well fitted jeans, and blessed grey sweatpants. So that night was a first. And now Buck is obsessed because he knows his closest friend has been endowed by God himself in a way Buck could only pray for.
Maybe it makes Buck a little bit of a slut. He’s into some weird shit and this isn’t anywhere close to crazy, but he’s beyond turned on by the thought of Eddie’s size alone. It’s humiliating. Buck wishes he didn’t already know he had an affinity for men with big, big personalities because maybe he could pretend it’s just that he’s wondered for a while what Eddie looks like down there (uncut, curved to the left, thick at the tip, veiny in the best way, and fucking hung). Buck could act like he’s just a guy into dudes seeing just another nice dick. But Eddie’s isn’t nice, it's glorious. It's a perfect mix of length and girth and Buck just knows it would fill every crevice, reach every deep set nerve, stretch every muscle fibre in that achy, feel-it-for-a-week way.
Buck’s porn searches are getting suspiciously specific no matter how hard he tries to argue with himself that it’s just a little size kink, anyone could satisfy it. If Buck thinks too much, he inevitably comes to the conclusion that only Eddie can scratch this itch because Buck may be really into boys and their over six inch rockets, but the fact that it’s Eddie compounds it. Eddie knows more about Buck’s sex life than any of Buck’s partners, but Buck really only knows that Eddie’s had sex in his life and, semi-recently, couldn’t get it up for Marisol.
Maybe Buck should feel guilty about telling Eddie so much in such graphic detail. He worries that Eddie might secretly hate knowing that Taylor Kelly pegged him at every chance she got or that Buck has an intense fascination with oral and will put just about anything in his mouth to satisfy it (clits, dicks, tongues, food, fingers, and really anything that’s fun to lick or vaguely close to dick shaped). Buck’s not so subtly throated an ice pop in Eddie’s home more than once and Buck doesn’t even know if Eddie’s gotten past missionary.
After one too many nights of rubbing his dick raw, Buck decides it’s time to take action. He’ll go to a sex shop. It’s going to be awkward, but he won’t have to pay for shipping or grab a tape measure to double check parameters.
Buck finally gets the opportunity to shop midday on a Tuesday which really shows how desperate he is. Buck assumed most people do this kind of thing at night and on weekends. Not him. He saunters into the store at half past noon, and realises almost immediately that he was not prepared. Normally, Buck can search for exactly what he wants, pick one of Google’s recommendations, and get it in 3-5 business days. In person, Buck has to see everything. He’s never felt out of his depths sexually before, but the slightly creepy silicone vaginas and sheer volume of gimp suits get to him.
And how does Buck ask for help without explaining he is looking for a dildo that’s as similar to his best friend’s dick as possible? Also, he needs to restock on lube. Getting a new vibrator would be nice too because his only option back home isn’t meant for anal and definitely belongs to one of his exes.
Maybe he shouldn’t have come.
Then again, Buck kind of enjoys looking around and thinking about what would work best. If he’s going to take Eddie (synthetic or real) he probably needs to work his way up. Plugs look like a lot of fun, but the gemstones are giving white trash. Enemas and douches could be useful, especially if Buck’s going to sleep with actual humans. Every aisle gives him new ideas, but they all lead back to would Eddie like this? Would he want to see me take it?
A hundred dollars later, Buck is back in his loft. He has until eight p.m. to do whatever he wants and what he wants is a fat dildo in his butt. It doesn’t matter if he has to edge himself to shit with toys gradually increasing in size, he is going to get all of Fake Eddie up that tush.
It takes a while and so much lube that Buck is certain the towel he set down is no longer helping, but eventually he gets the tip of the thing past his sphincter. With a little bit of patience and a lot of moaning, Buck eventually gets the toy as deep as it can go and waits. He presses on his stomach, knowing he won’t feel it but hoping he’s wrong, and lets himself adjust. It’s a lot.
And it feels fucking fantastic.
If only it was warm and could throb like the real deal. Maybe if the colour were better, a bit less pale, a bit more red, he could buy into the fantasy.
An inanimate object definitely doesn’t compare to Eddie, or Buck’s few male partners, or even women with strapons, but it does the trick. A few minutes of shoving the toy as deep as it can go, jamming it against his prostate, and Buck’s orgasm hits him like a freight train. Maybe he should edge himself more often.
It becomes routine.
Buck spends the morning doing chores, masturbates to thoughts of Eddie, and finally eats lunch after he’s completely drained himself of cum and energy. Most nights he has dinner with Eddie, they play video games, go out to bars, see films, run last minute errands. They don’t mention the incident and Buck definitely doesn’t mention Fake Eddie. But Buck can’t help himself, so he asks probing questions.
“Have you ever measured it?” Eddie squints at him over his glass of whiskey. Buck looks at Eddie’s crotch. “It.”
“No, I haven’t.” Eddie swirls the glass around.
They sit in silence for a few minutes. Buck wants to ask more intrusive questions because so far, Eddie has always answered.
But Eddie brings up his baseball club and the conversation naturally shifts to their next game against the local PD. Buck makes some joke about pigs playing sports and it makes Eddie laugh so hard that it starts a chain reaction of shitty jokes and gasping for air. Eddie looks so beautiful laughing. He’s relaxed for once, pink from drinking, touching Buck so casually with his large, calloused palms. Instead of throwing his head back to laugh, he leans closer to Buck, bumping his forehead against his shoulder.
Buck’s definitely going to jerk off over Eddie’s hand on his leg and plush, parted lips later.
Does that make him a bad person?
Probably.
Buck definitely feels a little guilty about forcing Eddie to watch Femme and asking,
“Have you ever done butt stuff?” He cringes at himself. How juvenile sounding. Especially to ask such a thing during this movie, in the middle of the main characters fucking against a tree.
“No.” Eddie tosses popcorn into his mouth.
“Do you want to?”
“I’ve never thought about it.” Buck wants to say liar, but he has no proof that Eddie’s lying. “What about you? Do you… do butt stuff?”
“You know I do do butt stuff.” Buck has somehow managed to embarrass himself by admitting what he already has told Eddie a half dozen times, like it is no big deal when really he wants to drop to his knees and beg Eddie to let him at least see his dick.
“Yeah, I know, but I got you to say ‘doo doo butt.’” Eddie looks right into Buck’s eyes with a perfectly straight face. Why is Eddie an evil, terrible, dastardly man?
“I’m going to kill you.”
Why does Buck want to kiss him because of it? Why is he more turned on by Eddie’s stupid jokes than he ever was by Tommy’s actual flirting or his girlfriends in lingerie?
Work is almost unbearable with Gerard in charge, and Buck’s current preoccupation with Eddie has made everything ten times harder (sometimes literally). If Buck isn’t about to beat the shit out of his boss, he’s about to beat his shit. He isn’t sure which is worse or which would get him fired faster. On one hand, assault is a crime. On the other, he’s been fired for jizzing on duty before, so it definitely would do the trick. Maybe he should try both. He has more than enough money to make it between jobs, and if Buck goes to jail or prison, well, that’s free room and board. Maybe Eddie would come for conjugal visits.
Oh, a boy can dream.
But Buck probably shouldn’t sacrifice the job he loves. His wretched horny brain needs to shut the fuck up before he runs out of hot water in the 118 shower. He needs to focus on washing half a bottle of ketchup out of his hair instead of Eddie, who is less than five feet away, rinsing soap from his flesh, relaxing into the warm spray of water that’s turning his skin a ruddy colour. Buck wonders briefly who designed this firehouse. They all have double beds, but the men’s changing room has three glass walls and the only thing separating people in the shower is a hip high partition that really isn’t hip high for anyone over 5’10. Then again, the women’s changing room is a glorified closet and their washroom is sinkless with a lone shower head facing the toilet to save space. Maybe ineffective half walls aren’t the worst.
And hey, Buck is not saying he wants to give up the opportunity to see Eddie covered in water droplets, bare ass, running his fingers through his hair. He just wishes they weren’t 16 hours into a 24 hour shift. Also, it would be fantastic if Eddie could turn around because Buck would love to see the place his legs meet his groin, even if he doesn’t get full frontal—Jesus, Buck is a fucking pervert.
Eddie’s no homophobe, but Buck is 99% certain he should be pummelled by the guy. The only problem is, Buck would almost certainly enjoy it. Those strong, flexing arm, sweat, spit, blood mixing, skin on skin, Eddie over him, restraining him—
Oh my God, Buck needs to smash his skull open against the tile wall. He’s absolutely screwed and not in the sexy way.
Buck opens his eyes, works on rinsing the conditioner from his scalp and—
Oh my God, Eddie is walking towards him.
Oh my God, is Buck in the porno of his dreams? He’s not ready!
Buck wills himself not to make direct eye contact with Eddie’s dick.
It’s too late.
Eddie is standing so casually, cock still swinging from his movement, and Buck is accidentally looking at it instead of his face which is currently saying something that must be important.
“My eyes are up here, Bucko.” Eddie’s only joking, but Buck almost slips and dies trying to over correct his gaze. “Jeez, don’t hurt yourself. I don’t care that you’re curious.” But they’re both red in the face.
“I’ve never been curious before about anything ever.” Damn, Buck is not covering up well. “Do you want me?” Okay, desperate bitch. Eddie looks shocked and a little confused. “I mean, uh, do you want anything from me.” Buck turns off the tap.
“A shirt. I already went through both of my spares.”
“You never pack enough.” Buck rolls his eyes. They’re back to status quo just like that. “You know where I keep them, you don't have to ask.”
Buck thinks the conversation is over. They’ll grab their towels, Buck will give Eddie his back up shirt, they’ll get dressed like normal. But Eddie hangs back a second and when Buck looks over his shoulder, Eddie’s studying his ass.
“Eddie?”
“Oh, how I hate when you leave.” Eddie doesn’t look up. “But I love to watch you go.” He smirks at Buck.
“What are you doing?”
“You spent half of our conversation gawking at my penis, can’t I return the gesture?”
Eddie walks right past Buck, into the main bathroom.
Damn.
That’s going to live rent free in Buck’s head for eternity. That’s going to fuel some very anatomically improbable fantasies that involve cold tiles, hot bodies, enough splooge to make up for a lack of lube, and Eddie’s ability to lift Buck up effortlessly which Buck’s never gotten to experience in such a context, but knows is accurate because of the times Eddie’s carried him to safety. His hero.
Buck is more than a little tempted to take some tasteful pictures of his ass and ask Eddie if they’re good enough to send to some imaginary guy.
But that’d be crazy.
Instead, he downloads Grindr, finds some guy DTF (Fake Eddie is great, but Buck wants to have his world rocked), and drives to some crappy motel. The man would be attractive if Buck didn’t know Eddie. He’s older, a little grey, on the hairier side, and buff as hell for someone pushing 55. But still not Eddie. Buck doesn’t mind at first. He’s not bad at kissing, he offers to bottom if Buck prefers it (no goddamn way), he’s not bad with his tongue, and his fingers quickly find the right spot. Then, their pants are off and Buck gets a good look at what he’s packing. It’s… just okay. Definitely not Eddie. But size doesn’t matter if you know what to do with it. Unfortunately, what Buck hoped would be jackhammering is much more similar to novice pogoing.
Whatever.
They both cum.
Buck notices a wedding ring tan and decides not to mention it because this won’t be happening again, at least with his guy.
He goes to Eddie’s afterwards and considers deleting Grindr as soon as Eddie opens the door wearing sweatpants. Buck wonders if Eddie is aware that men with such prominent appendages shouldn’t free-ball.
“You’re staring again.” Eddie scratches his v line through his trousers. “Is there something, like, wrong?”
I just got dicked down and I’m disappointed I can still walk. You could fix that.
“Do you know you have a huge dick?”
“Huge is an exaggeration. I know it’s above average.” Buck wishes Eddie would part his legs a little more.
“No, my dick is above average. You’re fucking…” Buck doesn’t know how to finish his sentence. “Fat.”
“What a compliment.” Eddie crosses his legs. Damn. “I’m fat.”
“You have a fat cock.”
“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.” Eddie crosses his arms. “Are you insecure about your own? Is that why you’re so focused on mine?” Oh, right. There could be a more normal reason Buck’s obsessed with Eddie.
“I’m not insecure, I just haven’t seen that in real life before.” That sounds pretty normal. “You must get a lot of attention.”
“Well, besides you and the women I’ve been with, no one knows. Marisol and I never had penetrative sex, so there wasn’t uh, as much attention as you might expect.”
“What?!” Buck is shouting. “I mean, uh. That’s interesting.”
Eddie quickly changes the subject to what they’ll have for dinner and Buck can’t very well ask the last time Eddie’s gotten pussy when he needs to pick between Indian food and Thai.
Buck makes it almost a full work week (wrong, it’s been three days) without not so inconspicuously staring at Eddie’s crotch. He hopes Eddie appreciates the effort. Then again Buck shouldn’t ever be leering at his friend. Even when Eddie invites Buck to a nice restaurant and wears suit trousers that emphasise his perfect ass and cup his cock so beautifully when he sits, Buck doesn’t look.
But on the fourth day, Buck has almost no chance. They’re back from Eddie’s baseball game and the man had the audacity to throw on an old pair of mesh basketball shorts and nothing else while Buck fixes them something to eat. As soon as Eddie walks in, Buck is salivating over a very different kind of meat than the ones on his charcuterie board. Eddie calls him out again.
“You are literally more invested in my penis than I am.”
It’s embarrassingly true.
Buck has had three more Grindr hook ups and even the guy with the biggest dick couldn’t scratch the Eddie itch. Buck is back to riding dildos and cranking it when Eddie’s asleep.
But, unlike days previous, Eddie continues,
“What can I do to quell your suspicion?”
“Could I…” Buck licks his lips. He can just make out the outline of the tip through Eddie’s shorts. “See it?”
“See it?” Eddie furrows his eyebrows.
“Like, you could take your pants off.”
“You want to look at my flaccid dick?” But Eddie reaches a hand down his pants and pulls himself out. He tucks the waistband under his balls. “There you go.”
Buck makes a stupid little sound. He shifts closer to Eddie. They must make a pair, sitting in Eddie’s kitchen one dick out, one person eyeing it curiously.
Buck is close enough to smell Eddie’s musk. Fuck.
Buck is one lucky gal, but he still isn’t quite getting the view he wants. Eddie’s foreskin is in the way, for one. Buck wants to see the head, what colour is it normally? He wants to see the veins straining against the flesh when he’s erect. But Eddie offered this and Buck can study the tuft of hair at his base, his balls, and the pale skin contrasting his tan.
“So?” Eddie rests a hand just above his pubes.
“So?” Buck shouldn’t be salivating over a soft penis. Soft and uncut. It’s ugly. He wants it in his mouth.
“Are you satisfied?” No.
“Is the head really sensitive? I don’t think I know anyone else uh, intact.” Buck wants to stick his finger in the opening. Maybe he can wedge his tongue between the head and the skin while Eddie’s still soft.
“I have nothing to compare it to, but I guess so.” Eddie taps his pinkie against his base.
“When you get hard, does it ever get stuck?”
“No, but some people have to get circumcised because they can’t pull it back.” Eddie takes himself in hand and pulls back the foreskin.
Jesus Christ, that’s a good look.
Then Eddie tucks himself away and shrugs.
“I’m sure you can Google much more information about circumcision than I could tell you.”
He washes his hands in the kitchen sink. Buck wants to drink the water rushing off his fingers.
The Situation, as Buck has taken to calling it, only gets worse after that. He spends hours watching videos of uncut men getting hard just so his fantasies can be more accurate. He imagines taking Eddie’s soft member in his mouth and, as his cock fills, Buck starts choking, takes it down his throat, cries and begs for relief, but in this particular dream scenario, Eddie’s so far into his oesophagus, Buck can’t make a sound and his tears just make Eddie harder.
Fantasy Eddie is much bitchier than Real Eddie.
Fantasy Eddie is kind of an asshole, actually. He takes whatever he wants and, because they’re Buck’s fantasies, doesn’t even have to ask if it’s okay to bang Buck raw in the middle of the baseball diamond, his team watching. He can pants Buck at work and pull on the elastic of a jock strap Buck doesn’t own to force himself in. In Buck’s mind, Eddie likes doggy style and is fine with pumping and dumping, treating Buck like a whore, wrestling, slapping, biting, and drawing a little blood.
Real Eddie probably would feel bad leaving a hickey. Real Eddie probably wouldn’t be okay with calling Buck a bimbo cum dumpster and almost definitely wouldn’t ever use the word cunt. Fantasy Eddie loves coarse language and degradation.
Buck’s playing a dangerous game here. Every wild fantasy he indulges takes him further from the kind, mild, and typically private best friend he loves. Buck knows in his mind that the primal kind of fucking he thinks about late at night is really just a reflection of his own frustration. In real life, Buck probably wouldn’t enjoy asphyxiating on a dick or having a team of baseball players glowering at him while Eddie reams him. Buck isn’t as into group sex as he thought he’d be. He’s a bit more territorial now that he doesn’t sleep with twelve strangers a week and assume they’re doing the same.
Buck kind of wonders if Eddie has crazy fantasies.
He asks him.
“Crazy fantasies like I’m an F-1 driver in space?” Eddie, curse the fool, tilts his head so innocently. “Because I had a dream about that.”
“No, I mean sexual stuff. Like have you ever thought about tying someone up or getting spanked.” Eddie nods like it’s the first time in his life he’s ever heard of bondage.
“I, uh,” Eddie clears his throat. He’s so cute. So flustered. So Americana in his white tee and blue jeans, beer in hand, against his lips, sun transforming his familiar features into some kind of gold statuary. “I’ve been thinking about butt stuff.”
How relatable.
And how non-specific. It just won’t do.
“Like what?” Buck licks the rim of his beer. He runs his foot over Eddie’s.
“Like… having sex with men.” Eddie looks away. His profile is perfect.
“Would you ever have sex with a guy?”
“If he’s the right guy, sure.” Eddie takes a swig of alcohol.
“Would you wanna… receive?” Buck has to ask because he has never considered the possibility that Eddie, if he were queer, could prefer bottoming.
“Not particularly.” Phew. “I’m not against it. But.” Eddie makes a crude sort of gesture, two fingers forming a hole and another poking through it. “In my head, I’m the one… giving.”
“That’s good.” Don’t make Buck explain why that’s good.
“What about you, what do you think about?” Oh golly. Buck should say something about big titties and wetting his wick even if he hasn’t thought about women (or other men, to be fair) in over a month.
“I think about men, too. I like…” big cocks. “Getting fucked. Giving is fun, but it doesn’t make me weak in the knees. I like the burn. I’ve been trying to find my preferences, and it turns out they’re pretty specific.” Buck knows Eddie is going to ask for specifics because it’s what Buck would ask him. They’re so in sync like that.
“Like?”
“I like them big.” Eddie blinks.
“That must be difficult. Not many people are taller than you, especially by a wide margin.”
Oh. Eddie is going to make him say it.
“Not big like that.”
“Buck, you’re pretty fucking buff. Unless you’re looking at bodybuilders—“
“I am talking about downstairs,” Buck huffs. “I’ve had sex with plenty of tall and fit guys. Not hard to find them in LA. It’s harder to assess the package before, uh, unwrapping it.”
“Is that why you’re so interested in my penis?” God, why can’t he say dick like a normal guy.
“It’s… ideally proportioned.” Buck wraps his lips around the neck of the bottle. He swears it's to comfort himself.
“So you’re not jealous.” Eddie leans in. “You’re attracted to it.” It’s just a whisper. Buck can’t tell if Eddie’s being a tease, or if he’s actually just realising that. Maybe it’s a question. Either way, it makes Buck shiver.
“Would you, uh.” Come on, Evan, say it. “Ever have sex with me?”
“Do you want to?”
“I asked first.”
“Yeah, but if I say yes and you want me to say no or I say no and you want me to say yes—“
“Answer honestly.”
“Yeah. I’d sleep with you.” Brown eyes meet blue and they’re not looking away. Not blinking. Buck might have made a breathy little noise and Eddie might’ve wanted to swallow it, but they’re not moving. “But I don’t do one night stands.”
“It wouldn’t have to be just once.” Now they’re moving. Buck can’t tell if he’s leaning in or Eddie is. “We can have an every night stand.”
“I can’t do any type of stand.”
“We can sit.” Eddie or Buck or maybe both of them pause. They’re still too far apart.
“I mean I don’t do casual. If you want me just for sex, it won’t work.” Buck’s going to disintegrate. Eddie is saying… He’s saying… Is he saying…?
“I want all of it.” Buck cards his fingers through the buzzed hairs on Eddie’s neck. “I want everything.”
And it’s true. It’s been true since their one sided beef over the firefighter calendar.
“Then yes. I’d do anything you want.”
“I want.” Their mouths connect like puzzle pieces. Warm, soft, rosy lips sliding together, and wet, desperate tongues force them to part.
Buck gets a knee between Eddie’s thighs, climbs him like a tree.
“What do you want?” Eddie’s muffled and a little hard to understand, but Buck can’t stop kissing him, can’t stop tasting his breath and licking behind his teeth. He might as well be a dog, with the slobbery mess he’s created.
“I want you.” It doesn’t answer the question adequately, but Eddie doesn’t seem to mind. He stands, bringing Back with him. They nearly shatter the glass door trying to get back in the house. Buck is slightly disappointed they’re not getting down in the grass, but Eddie has neighbours and they don’t have supplies out back.
Eddie carries Buck all the way to his bedroom without managing to destroy anything major, although Eddie does accidentally bite Buck’s lip harder than expected and when Buck moans, he takes it as a sign of pain.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Eddie kisses the swelling skin.
“Do it again.” Eddie is a little more gentle, sinking his teeth carefully into Buck’s bottom lip this time.
“How do you want me?” Eddie sets Buck on the bed.
Getting carried like he’s weightless is even better than Buck imagined.
“Naked and in me.” Eddie takes off Buck’s shoes and socks, then his own.
“That sounds great, but I mean more specifically. What position do you like? What type of lube is the best? Do you prefer ribbed condoms?” Eddie touches Buck’s shirt. “Can I undress you?”
“As long as I can undress you.” Buck lifts his arms so Eddie can rid him off his shirt. “I’m fine with any position. We can do cowboy so you can relax.”
“No, Buck.” Eddie lifts his own arms. “I’m going to do everything you want. Tell me honestly what you like.” They’re kissing again, and it’s so sweet and just a little uncoordinated because Buck wants to see Eddie’s dick ASAP, but Eddie is stroking his chest, thumbing at his nipples, and it’s all very distracting.
“If you’re into kissing, we should do missionary,” Buck offers. He finally gets Eddie’s belt undone.
“I like kissing, but I’d also like watching you take it.” Eddie pulls Buck’s pants off without unbuttoning them. Buck is awed, hit by an overwhelming wave of lust. “This okay, amorcito?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Buck finally gets Eddie’s jeans down to his knees. “We’ll do that. From behind.” Buck sits up to press their lips together, but Eddie stops him.
“I want to kiss you, but I really need you to tell me what you’re comfortable with.” Eddie kicks his trousers off.
“I think we should try doggy. And… I know it isn’t advisable, but maybe we could forgo a condom. I’ve always used protection. You’d be a first. It’s up to you.” Buck tries not to sound desperate. Hopes it doesn’t sound like he’s pressuring Eddie.
“Have you been tested?” Eddie sits by the foot of the bed. He looks at Buck so warmly, so patiently. God, how did Buck get so lucky?
“I’m clean and I take PrEP as a precaution. But it’s up to you. None of that matters if you’re not comfortable.” Buck feels more exposed now, talking about important shit, than he ever has before.
“What makes you… Why do you want…” Eddie huffs. “Why do you want to go bare?” He is looking at the ceiling instead of Buck. Buck crawls over, pets his cheek.
“Because you’re you. I want all of you. I want you as close as possible.” Buck hopes it’s a good enough reason because he really isn’t entirely sure why. Eddie’s eyes trace Buck’s features.
“I want that too, but I don’t want you to regret anything.” Eddie presses his lips to Buck’s forehead.
“Trust me, I’ve thought about this a lot.” Buck nuzzles into Eddie’s kiss. “I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t sure.”
“I’m happy to do that, then.” Eddie hugs Buck. “Just promise me you can’t get pregnant.” Buck slaps his arm gently.
“You can try, but I think I lack all of the necessary parts.” He winks and runs his fingers over Eddie’s flagging bulge. “Kiss me, please.” Eddie pushes Buck back into the pillows.
“Before I do, one last thing.” He plants a kiss just over Buck’s heart and slides off the bed.
“Where are you going?” Buck whines. Eddie hurries to the bathroom. “If you’re peeing, you need to wash—“
Just as quickly as he left, Eddie pops back into the room with a tube of lube. Buck grins. He strips off his underwear and tosses them at Eddie.
“Eager, huh?” Eddie guides Buck’s legs open and kneels between them. Buck palms Eddie and grabs his neck, pulling him closer.
“Of course I’m eager, it's you.” Eddie connects their mouths again. “I want to watch you get hard.” Buck wraps his hand around Eddie’s clothed dick as best as he can. “You’re distracting me.” Eddie laughs.
“Distracting you?” He licks Buck’s jaw, nosing as his pulse point. He kisses the tender skin of Buck’s neck. “Fuck, you taste good.” Buck squirms, pressing into Eddie’s touch. He tries to push Eddie’s briefs off, but his hand is trapped between them.
“Off,” Buck demands. Eddie completely pulls away. The only piece of them touching is Buck’s hand on his crotch. “What are you doing?”
“You told me to get off of you.”
“No, I meant take your boxers off.” Buck’s hand creeps up Eddie’s front to rest on his abs. Eddie makes a little ‘oh’ sound and nods. He shoves his pants down, struggling slightly to get free. Buck gasps at the sight of his partner. “Damn.” He gives an appreciative whistle.
“Shut up.” Eddie repositions himself over Buck. He resumes his attack on Buck’s neck. He teases the skin with his teeth, but not enough to leave a mark. “Can I—“
“Bite me.” So Eddie does, gently sinking into the skin and sucking at the mark. He grabs Buck by the ass, squeezing harshly. Buck groans.
Eddie rocks his hips into Buck’s, their cocks sliding roughly between their bodies. He sucks a trail of hickeys into his skin, starting at Buck’s throat and working down to his nipples. Eddie swirls his tongue over each areola, flicking the nib with each pass. Buck pants and shakes, grabbing at Eddie.
“Eddie, please,” Buck begs.
“Please what, baby?” Eddie bites Buck’s left pec, really digging in his teeth. Buck calls out his name desperately. “You’re so sensitive.” Eddie licks the line splitting his chest. “Such pretty tits, baby.” He follows it to Buck’s belly. “You’re so beautiful. Mi hermoso.” Eddie buries his face in his v-line. “Tell me what you want, cariño.”
“I wanna blow you.” Buck threads his fingers through Eddie’s hair. He wraps his legs around Eddie’s shoulder and flips them so he’s sitting on Eddie’s chest.
“You can do that, but what do you want me to do?” Eddie looks up at Buck.
“Relax, babe.” The blond turns around. “Enjoy the view.” He faceplants into Eddie’s crotch, inhaling the smell of sex and maleness and Eddie. He takes the base in one hand and smacks Eddie’s dick against his lips.
“I love your ass, Buck, but I’d prefer to see your face.” Eddie rubs his back. Buck darts his tongue out just to taste Eddie’s skin. He sighs dramatically.
“Just to warn you, Tommy says I make a weird blowjob face.” Buck crawls down the bed and turns to Eddie.
“I don’t know what that could possibly mean.” Eddie caresses Buck’s face, pressing his thumb to his mouth. “Don’t talk about him.” Buck opens his mouth for Eddie. “You’re mine.”
He hides his face in Eddie’s thigh.
“Look at me, Buck.” Eddie strokes the man’s curls. “Don’t be embarrassed.” Buck peeks up, nose still poking into Eddie’s meaty leg. “Say it. You’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” Eddie smiles, but his usually soft eyes are lustful and possessive. Buck can’t help confessing, “I want you so badly,” and takes Eddie back in hand, kissing up and down the shaft. He pulls back the excess skin and wraps his lips around the tip.
“There you go.” Eddie brushes the hair out of Buck’s face. “Good boy.” Buck’s breathing hitches. He tries to take more, but he has to open his mouth so much his jaw aches. He inhales through his nose and scoots up, trying a different angle.
Buck bobs his head up and down on the first couple of inches. He’s never had a hard time sucking guys right to the root, so this is a tad humbling.
Eddie hold’s Buck’s chin, stroking the underside with his index finger. His pinkie presses into Buck’s cheek. Buck swallows more of Eddie, but gags when it hits his uvula. He breathes through it and continues sliding up and down the length, both hands helping at the hilt.
“My good boy,” Eddie praises. “Your fucking… mouth, baby.” His fingers travel down to Buck’s throat. “Y’just love cock, huh?” Buck nods, but the bobbing hides the motion. He runs his tongue over Eddie’s shaft with each dip of his head, sucking forcefully on every rise.
Up and down, twisting his hands skilfully.
“Good boy,” Eddie moans again. It makes Buck a little dizzy. He wishes he had a third hand to hold Eddie’s balls.
Buck thinks back to the day he considered dying with Eddie restricting his airways. He thought he wouldn’t want to suffocate, but the truth is he’s never been so horny or so happy in all 33 years of life. He’s more than content to choke himself on Eddie’s cock. If he could perish right here, just like this, he would. Unfortunately, he’s still young and that would scar Eddie forever. Hopefully he has at least 33 more years of cocksucking this.
Eddie tugs Buck’s hair, bringing him back to reality.
“I’m going to cum if you don’t stop,” Eddie warns. Buck spits Eddie out, but continues to jerk him off.
“If you finish, can you go again?” Buck sticks the point of his tongue in Eddie’s slit.
“Maybe? I’d need a few minutes.” Eddie tilts his head back. Buck drops his dick unceremoniously. “Hey—“
“Where’s the lube?” Buck looks around frantically.
“Hold on, slow down.” Eddie steadies Buck by the shoulders. “I can hold off. Let’s take our time, mi amor.” He tucks his hands under Buck's arms and guides him up.
“I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been…” Buck presses his forehead to his friend’s. “I want to have sex.”
“We are having sex.” Eddie pets Buck’s hair and kisses him. “But I know what you mean.” Buck kisses Eddie back, drinking in his saliva and lapping at his teeth.
“Open up,” Buck whines. He licks Eddie’s lips.
“We can make out as much as you want, but I have a proposition.” Eddie pats Buck’s bum. “Can I, uh, eat you out?”
Buck must be dreaming. He must’ve taken shrooms or some other psychedelic. Maybe he did choke to death and this is Heaven. Who knew gay sex existed in Heaven? Who knew Heaven was real!
But when Buck gives a resounding yes and positions himself ass-up for Eddie, he feels the other firefighter’s breath on his skin.
“I’ve never seen anyone so perfect.” Eddie smooches Buck’s tailbone.
“Pinch me.” Buck chuckles when Eddie actually pinches his ass.
“What’s funny?” Eddie nips Buck’s rear, running his nose along the seam. His moustache tickles.
“I must be dreaming.” Buck looks between his legs at Eddie. It’s not a great view, but he’s pleased to see his partner nonetheless. Definitely pleased to see Eddie’s dick is still going strong.
Then, Eddie is spreading Buck’s cheeks and lapping at his asshole like he’s starving. Buck doesn’t have time to control his embarrassing, breathy moans. But, they seem to spur Eddie on. He hums and presses the pointed tip of his tongue against the muscles. He creates a pattern, licking over Buck’s entrance thrice, then carefully opening him with reptilian pokes of his tongue. Buck’s knees are unstable, but he doesn’t want Eddie to stop.
Thankfully, it seems like Eddie can sense his worries and grabs Buck by the thighs, lifting him into a better position. He finally thrusts his tongue inside with little effort. Buck bites down on the covers to stop himself from yelping.
Eddie tongues Buck like he’s done it a hundred times, prodding, swirling, sucking and nipping at his rim. Eddie spits on the puckered skin, massaging the liquid in with ease. He rubs around the hole with two fingers, tasting Buck’s walls in desperate French kisses.
Eddie mumbles something into Buck.
“W-what?” Buck swallows, trying to focus on the words. Eddie backs up. He spits on Buck’s ass again and gathers the substance on his middle finger.
“Hand me the lube.” Alarm bells ring in Buck’s head—it’s happening!
It’s actually happening.
“Is this okay?” Eddie asks before sliding a finger in. His hand is coated in lube and waiting so patiently for consent. Buck isn’t sure if it's the sweetest or most infuriating position he’s ever been in.
“Yes.” One finger glides in with ease. Eddie makes a noise in his throat. “You can, uh, probably start with two.” Buck blushes all the way down to his ass. Eddie loves it. He leaves a deep, bruising bite in Buck’s flesh, slipping another finger in like it’s nothing.
“I thought it would be… tighter.” Eddie’s embarrassed to say it.
“Uh, it usually is.” Buck is so red he could be Larry the Lobster’s understudy. “I masturbated before I came over.”
“Oh.” Eddie crooks his fingers, feeling around until Buck cries out. “Tell me what you did, honey.” Eddie ducks back down, scissoring Buck and adding his tongue alongside his fingers.
How can Buck speak when Eddie is finger-banging him so he can put his cock in Buck’s ass.
“I—“ Buck whimpers. “I jerked off to a video.” Better not to specify if he wants to keep his pride. Eddie stops.
“I didn’t know jerking off could get you loose like this.” Buck whines. “If you’re honest with me, I’ll keep going.”
“I did jerk off, I promise!” It’s a crazy thing to say, but Eddie’s hand is too still and his tongue is missing. Buck is devastated.
“What else? What were you watching?”
“I watched uh…” Buck clears his throat. “A hung guy masturbating and started fingering myself.” Eddie’s hand shifts.
“Yeah? Hung like me?” He massages Buck’s prostate with his fingertips.
“No, not like you.” Eddie lowers himself behind Buck again. “I wanted to… use something bigger than my fingers.” Pause. “I have a uh, couple of toys that I use a lot.” Eddie grins between his legs, adds a third finger. “I wanted to have sex, but…” Buck gasps when Eddie spreads his digits. “No one ever scratches that uh, particular itch well enough.” Buck thinks he might pass away from shame or possibly three of the thickest, most deft fingers he’s ever taken.
“What itch?” Buck looks back at Eddie. His moustache is wet with saliva and lube and he’s blushing too.
“I bought a dildo that looks like you.”
“Like me?” Eddie taps Buck’s prostate. “What part?” He’s back to licking around his fingers.
Life is so blessed. And a little cursed.
“Your dick,” Buck whispers. Eddie laughs. It’s not kind at all. Buck shivers.
“In what way?” And fuck, the fourth finger gets Buck going, that delectable burn somewhere betwren pain and pleasure.
“It’s uh, long.” Buck bites his lip. “Thick. I use a smaller one… smaller dildo for prep.” Eddie must have half his hand in Buck's ass, his thumb teasing his puffy, stretched rim.
“That big, huh? You like it like that?” Buck is almost certain he could bust from Eddie stroking his prostate. Buck is almost past the point of speaking. “Tell me, baby, what do you like?”
“Big dicks,” he whispers.
“And what were you thinking about, mi amor? When you had the stupid toy in hand?” Eddie has a devilish smirk on his face, but Buck can’t see it. Can’t see the way Eddie is leering at his ass.
“You. I wanted it to be you.” Buck takes a deep breath. “I wanted your big cock in my ass, wanted you to make me ride it, cum on it, cum in me.” He covers his face with his arm.
“Do you think you’re ready for the real thing?” Eddie removes his fingers and tugs himself a few times. Buck nods. “What do you say, baby?”
“Please fuck me.” Buck wiggles his hips. “I’ll do anything for it.”
“You’ve done plenty, mi amor, don’t worry.” Buck hears the cap of the lube open and close, then Eddie groans. He feels the older man part his ass, the head against his entrance. “It looks too big.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” But when Eddie presses in, Buck’s at a loss for words. The fullness. The stretch. The heat. Eddie’s veins pumping. It’s like being split in half and gut punched and strangled and concussed. Maybe Eddie should flatter himself because holy fucking shit, Buck needs to invent a new work to describe this. He isn’t sure if he can hear or see or speak.
“Are you okay?” Eddie kisses the back of his neck. “Do you want time? Can you take the rest or is this enough?”
“There’s more?” Buck might actually pass out. Maybe he should’ve asked for more prep time. Eddie’s definitely girthier than the dildo. But four fingers is a lot, and only fisting would get this deep.
“We don’t have to do this. Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll pull out. We—“
“Don’t you fucking dare.” Buck takes a deep breath. He can feel his body adjusting and holy shit, he said he was turned on before, but it was nothing compared to this. He wants more. He wants less. He hopes Eddie never moves. He needs to be absolutely reamed.
Buck panics for a second that maybe Eddie doesn’t like this. Maybe that’s why he offered to pull out.
Then, Buck has a moment where it starts feeling really fucking good. Eddie’s snug against his prostate and the burning stretch starts to feel less like being torn and more like the addicting caress of… of… of something Buck can’t think of. He can’t think about anything except getting the rest of Eddie’s cock inside him.
“More.” Buck doesn’t expect his voice to be so high pitched or so raspy.
“Don’t do this just for me, baby. I’m not—“
“More, bitch.” Buck doesn’t really mean to call Eddie a bitch, but he needs to get his point across and it is a total bitch move not stuffing him like a thanksgiving turkey.
Eddie tries to keep his head clear, but as soon as his balls hit Buck’s ass and Buck clenches around him, all of him, he knows he is utterly fucked. There’s no future where he won’t think about Buck’s hot, slick rectum every time he comes.
Eddie asks something about moving or maybe movies or maybe a secret third option, neither of them know. Neither of them can think. Buck’s writhing under him, trying to find some sort of relief, and chanting yes, yes yes, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, please, please, please like a prayer to God. Eddie knows he’s making some sort of sound, but whether he’s grunting or reciting Shakespeare remains unclear.
Then he shifts his hips, holds Buck’s sides for leverage, and Jesus Christ on a bike! He’s literally fucking his best friend. Eddie naturally settles into a slow rhythm, just testing the water because he’s still a little in shock and it’s just catching up with him that he’s doing gay anal with Evan Buckley at 3:47 p.m. For the first time in Eddie’s life, he has his entire cock in another human and that human is Buck. Maybe if he knew he could be balls deep in the most gorgeous ass on the most gorgeous man he’s ever met, he would’ve shut up and made better choices.
Buck, on the other hand, cannot shut up. He meets Eddie with every thrust, tears streaming down his face from the intensity of the pleasure. He’s rambling about how good this is, how much he loves dick, and specifically he uses that idiotic term Eddie hates, talking about Eddie’s fat cock, describing every way Eddie could use him.
“Buck,” Eddie almost falls, but catches himself on his hands. He gets swallowed deeper and they both let out humiliating moans. “Is this okay?”
“More.”
Whatever more means, Eddie does it and does it well. After taking a minute to get his bearings, he regains control of all of his body parts. He pistons his hips fast enough that his testicles sting and he wonders if Buck actually enjoys this, or if he’s too cock-drunk to care.
“My good boy. You take it so well,” Eddie tells him. “What a good boy.” Buck is either nodding in agreement or bouncing along to the pace. Eddie rubs Buck’s back with one hand and holds his stomach with the other.
“So fucking big, fuckin’… fuck. Need you—I need you—fuck,” Buck babbles.
Eddie slows himself down. He wants to feel this forever and he’s getting too close too quickly. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”
“I won’t, I won’t.”
Buck is pretty sure he can feel Eddie’s heartbeat in his mouth. He arches his back and claws at the sheets. He thinks he might be drooling. He thinks he might’ve ripped Eddie’s sheets.
“Fuck, wait.” Eddie doesn’t quite stop, but slows enough to shift so he can get a leg around one of Buck’s. Then he’s coming in from a higher angle, working back up to the brutal rhythm Buck pleads for. “That better? Oh, mi vida, ¿te gusta?” Buck makes a sound of affirmation. He pulls the duvet loose and buries his face in. He will probably feel like an idiot for all of his mewling, but he can’t help his delirious pleasure from making itself known.
“Oh—Eddie—Eddie—uh—“
Eddie can’t tell if Buck is even forming words. He wants to record those sounds, Buck begging and wailing like a pornstar. He knew Buck was loud in daily life, so it only makes sense he’s a screamer in bed. The great thing is, it’s easy to tell how far gone Buck is by the way he moans. Eddie knows he’s hitting the spot when Buck pitches his voice up and echoes whatever Eddie says. Buck uses sentences when he’s trying to compose himself. He occasionally gets self conscious and tries to hold back his moans. But then, Buck’s right on the edge. He’s taking Eddie like a champ and can’t form two coherent words. He makes a whiny noise, punctuated with each impact of Eddie deep inside.
Eddie is so turned on and he can’t stop touching Buck all over. He fists Buck’s dick with each searing snap of his hips. He can’t last and he needs to see Buck cum, needs to feel Buck spasm around him.
Eddie bites down on Buck’s shoulder, sending him careening over the edge. “Look at you, my good boy.” Buck cries into the mattress, clenching and shaking and spilling into Eddie’s palm. He can’t see or hear a thing, it’s just Eddie moving in him, drilling the exact right spot. Buck tightens around Eddie deliciously. “I know, baby. So pretty.” Buck is a panting mess, trying to reach behind himself to touch his partner. Eddie takes his hand and guides it to their point of connection. Buck rubs his rim fervently. “I’m so close, amor. Where do you want it?” Buck says something inaudible. Eddie hooks an arm around Buck’s chest, spreading cum over his pecs, and hauls him to his knees. “Tell me.”
Buck laughs, it’s raw and breathless.
“Breed me.” Eddie can’t even be mad at the verbiage because it does the trick. He’s filling Buck and he knows he’s never come so hard or so much for so long. His vision whites out and everything in the world feels warm and soft. He makes a gutteral sound somewhere between a grunt and growl which Buck is instantly obsessed with.
Eddie only becomes aware of his surroundings once he’s slumped over his partner’s back, still thrusting his spend into Buck’s quivering hole.
He still himself and flips them over so Buck isn’t crushed.
For a minute, they’re both quiet.
Eddie isn’t sure what to say. There’s so much he wants to tell Buck.
“I think that went well,” Buck comments.
“Is sex always that good?” Buck carefully removes Eddie from his anus. A glob of jizz lands in Eddie’s pubes.
“No, that was special.” The blond curls up on Eddie’s chest. “What about for you?”
“I’m gay.” Not the answer Buck was expecting, but definitely an answer. “Was I too rough?”
“No, you’re incredibly thoughtful, Eds.” Buck traces Eddie’s chest, playing with the wiry hair.
“I have a dumb question.”
“Ask away.” Buck would love to hear what Eddie considers stupid after he’s spent so long thirsting over Eddie in the most ridiculous and perverse ways.
“How do you get semen out of your butt?” Of course, of all things, that’s Eddie’s concern.
“I guess there’s a lot of ways, but I think I’ll just let it leak out.” Buck runs a finger through the whitish buildup on Eddie’s balls. “How long is your refractory period?”
“I’ve never timed it. Probably around half an hour, maybe a little less.” Eddie glimpses the look in Buck’s eyes. “Why don’t I take you out to dinner, amorcito? We can split everything so you can try two entrees and we’ll get wine drunk.”
“You’d get wine drunk with me?” Buck is truly touched. Eddie always opts for beer or whiskey and claims different alcohols don’t make people different types of drunk. He’s wrong and Buck constantly tells him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Buck kisses him gently.
“I’d love to go out, but I think I’m going to have a limp and I thought we were getting beer drunk so I only brought a beer level outfit.” Buck overthinks everything. What is a beer level outfit? People won’t even know why he’s limping.
“You can wear my clothes and I’ll carry you.” Eddie must be Prince Charming. Wearing his clothes sounds like a dream. Maybe some other time.
“Or we could get takeout from somewhere, put on a movie or some music. Think about it… we can get a platter from that vegan Greek place, make out, watch Say Yes to the Dress.” Buck walks his fingers up Eddie’s stomach.
“We can go out to The Odessy like mature adults and make out afterwards. C’mon, let me wine and dine you.” Eddie nibbles his earlobe. “I want to treat my boyfriend like a prince.”
“You’re always so good to me, babe. We should go out tomorrow night. Check out that new upscale Indian place Maddie loves.” Buck breathes in Eddie’s scent, leaning down to taste the hair on his chest. “I can’t take backshots if we’re at a restaurant.” Eddie groans.
“Do I want to know what that means?” He rubs Buck’s sides, massaging his boyfriend’s back with his fingers. Buck kisses his collarbone.
“I think backshot is the new word for creampie. Alternately it might mean letting someone finish on your back.” Eddie furrows his brows and shakes his head.
“You mean the world to me, but I hate that word. We can stay in tonight if you promise never to say creampie ever again.” Eddie kisses Buck, tenderly parting his lips.
“I promise.”
Eddie knows he’s head over heels when he and Buck accidentally spend an hour making out instead of ordering their dinner. When he holds Buck’s body and feels Buck’s flesh as his own. When he makes Buck laugh by tickling him with his moustache. When Buck begs him not to meet the delivery driver. When Eddie spills hummus on himself and Buck licks it up, trying to be sexy. When Buck draws a little heart on his cheek so Eddie will kiss it away, join their mouths, forget about dolmades for a few minutes.
The second time they have sex (or the first time part two?) Buck insists on playing Marvin Gaye which Eddie thinks is cheesy as hell, but loves anyway. Everything is so perfect. The intensity and desperation is there, but it’s far more romantic. They move with each other, holding hands and sharing air, breathing into each other’s mouths. Eddie is so adoring, so generous, lavishing Buck with praise and pleasure and a hundred more frustratingly thoughtful questions. Buck is so vulverable, so emotive, offering all of himself, his pride, every inch on skin, and each thought in his head. Just as before, Eddie soothes Buck through his orgasm. He follows soon after, overflowing into him.
Eddie thanks Buck afterwards. Buck’s never been thanked for sex before.
“I didn’t do very much.” He’s sticky and exhausted and a little bit embarrassed. He could cry, the way Eddie dotes on him, offering a warm washcloth and wrapping him in a blanket.
“You make me feel like myself. I’ve never had that before.” Eddie removes the dirty duvet from the bed. He collects their clothes off the floor and dumps it all in his hamper.
“You’d come out eventually, it didn’t have to be me.” Buck rests his chin in his hand. “I’m just lucky.”
“I don’t just mean my sexuality. From the day we met, I knew there was something about you. You make me happy. Keep me honest.” Eddie stands at the side of the bed. He pets Buck’s hair. “My beautiful boy.”
“You make me so happy, Eddie. I was so lost when we met. I thought I found a life with Abby and then… then you were there and you were perfect. You were everything I wanted and wanted to be.” Buck smiles at Eddie.
“How did this take us seven years?”
How indeed.