Chapter Text
“This is so stupid.” Wendy chucked her notebook across the table, watching as it bounced off the edge and into the floor. The chemistry textbook glared at her from her left, equations and diagrams mocking her. Frustrated, she slammed it shut just as Mr. Pines came walking into the gift shop, sipping on a Pitt cola. With Soos in training to be the next Mr. Mystery, she was used to seeing both of them walking around in the iconic black and red outfit, though the fez had shifted heads. However, he was currently wearing a dark red shirt and blue jeans, both a bit damp. It was a sign he had been working on that ship of his and his brother’s, allowing Soos to take the wheel of the tours while he was out on the lake.
He raised an eyebrow, looking between the book and her. “Ya alright?”
“Chemistry.”
“Ah.” He nodded as if that answered all his questions, taking another swig of the drink. He walked over and picked up her notebook, squinting at the equations. “Yeah, I remember copying down this crap. Didn’t know they were teaching you at fifteen.”
“It was this or physics.”
“I might have been able to help you with that. If ya had picked physics, I mean.” He put the cola down to scratch his chin, eyebrows drawing together in concentration. The look was increasingly familiar, a sign he was trying to recall something from the past, and Wendy couldn’t deny that it sometimes put a pit in her stomach to see it. She hadn’t been there for the immediate aftermath, having gone straight to her blood family, but she had heard all the heartwrenching details from Soos and the twins. To know that his memory wasn’t supposed to come back, that he wouldn’t be himself because he saved the world from that stupid triangle… Wendy wasn’t sure how she would have handled that reality.
“You would have?” She asked, surprised. “You always said you hated school.”
“I did. I cheated off Ford more times than I can count. Flew on C’s and D’s.” He shrugged, that look still on his face. “But when your brother goes through a giant circle of light, you learn a lot of things you were told you couldn’t. Didn’t require much chemistry outside of getting the fuel, but physics? Had to learn a lot of weird science.”
Wendy paused, unsure how to continue. Never once had she thought Stan was stupid. He was the fastest money counter she had ever witnessed and could calculate his sales in seconds. When the line in the gift shop got too long for her to handle, he would jump in, cutting down the customers in half the time it would have taken her. She also knew a little bit about his past, from what he allowed to slip - when he went after those animatronics and had a whole case of stealth gear, she knew something big had happened in his life, especially when he said “Colombian nights” - and the fact that he was morally ambiguous on a normal Tuesday. It didn’t take a genius to understand he had street smarts.
To learn he had been working on a giant science fiction portal in the basement with only a third of the instructions had made her head spin for a bit. At first, she thought it had just been Soos being Soos, turning a regular story into one similar to his anime shows. Then she saw Dr. Pines for herself and had to accept the bizarre truth.
It hadn’t occurred until now how much he had to learn to even attempt working on it.
“At least, I used to be able to help ya. Can’t exactly recall any physics right now.” Stan said, knocking her from her thoughts. “And I would rather those memories stay gone. Learning all that crap made my head hurt.” He huffed, averting his eyes, and she understood. Even if he was telling the truth, it wasn’t the main reason. She didn’t know how she would handle it if one of her brothers disappeared and she had to learn the most advanced forms of ‘weird science’ in the slim hope of bringing him back.
“I get it, Mr. Pines.” She decided to say, not wanting him to keep dwelling on such bad memories. “I wish I were better at science. Math? Sure. Your money counting tips helped.” He snorted a laugh, grabbing his drink again. “Reading? Fine. English? I listened to Dipper all summer. History? Memorization. Science? Sucks.”
Stan hummed and tipped back the rest of his cola. “I know exactly who can help with that.” He grinned. “The nerdiest of nerds himself.” Chucking his empty soda into the trash can, he cupped both hands around his mouth. “FORD!” He yelled, likely loud enough for the nearby tour to hear. Thankfully there wasn’t anyone in the gift shop, having all filed out not long ago, or there might have been a few broken snow globes and glassware. If Dr. Pines was close, he definitely heard.
Wendy just didn’t expect him to pop out of the ceiling.
A square of the room’s roof fell away, swinging back like a trapdoor, and the man leaned out, his gray hair pulled down by gravity and a confused look on his face. He was back in his trademark sweater and trenchcoat, likely having gone through the back door without a detour to the fridge like his brother. “Yes?” He asked, eyes darting between them both. Wendy had to admit that she nearly jumped when he appeared, but had already managed to school herself back into a near neutral expression, eyebrows raised. She should have expected this. As Soos said yesterday, ‘Pines are not predictable.’
Stan, however, had almost jumped out of his skin, his back knocking against the cash register. “Poindexter, when did you put a trapdoor in the ceiling?”
Ford looked even more confused, vaguely reminding Wendy of an owl. “It’s always been here.”
“Seriously?” The man blinked, then rolled his eyes, muttering. “Of course you would put a trapdoor in your house.” Louder, he said, “Get down here. You’ve got work to do.”
With the ease of a cat, Ford dropped from the ceiling, flipping over to land on his feet. He straightened, dusting off his sweater, and Wendy noted how the door shut once he was clear of it. Motion sensing then. “What is it?”
“Kid’s got chemistry homework. You’re her tutor now.” He waved a hand toward the one vacant corner of the room. With the changing of the seasons, attractions and merchandise were being moved, resulting in the brochure table being empty. “I’ll handle the suckers. You two set up shop over there.” When neither moved, he made a shooing motion with his hands. “Don’t make me get the hose. Go.”
With the threat of water, Wendy gathered her stuff. While she wanted nothing more than to get rid of it all, the satisfaction of destroying it would not change the fact that she needed it if she was going to pass tenth grade chemistry. She went over to the rickety old table, laying her stuff out while Ford grabbed two chairs from Stan’s office. She busied herself with flipping to the correct pages, watching him out of her peripheral vision. Unlike with Stan, she didn’t know Ford Pines well. She knew he was probably the smartest person on the planet when taking his dimensional and alien knowledge into account, but only in book smarts. Street smarts? The guy made a deal with a triangle and felt that correcting his brother’s grammar was important while saving the world.
But he had also spent thirty years in other dimensions and survived. Even if he was an idiot, that had to count for something.
“What topic in chemistry are you studying?” Ford asked, sliding into one of the chairs. Wordlessly, she pushed the book and notebook toward him, letting him read over what was basically gibberish to her. The teacher moved too fast, hardly allowing for questions without getting angry, and would erase the whiteboard before she had time to copy everything down, leaving blank spaces in her notes that she filled with question marks. The only thing she was sure of writing down were the problems and the final answers, not the part in between. From what she did have, she tried to solve what she missed using the textbook. It didn’t work. “Ah, chemical equations.”
“Yeah. They’re confusing.”
“They are also quite a bit time consuming.” He picked up her notebook, glancing over what she had hastily written down. He frowned. “I thought your teacher would give you everything when you’re learning. Are these your only notes?”
“He erases quickly.” She answered. His frown deepened. “I get what I can.”
She watched Ford’s eyes go over her notes twice. “Are you sure you copied down what he put? In questions and answers?”
Wendy nodded, pushing down the annoyance that surged up inside. She was so frustrated with school, with this teacher, and they were only three days in. She chose to work a smaller amount of hours at the Mystery Shack, but with this teacher, she might have to give it up completely in order to pass. She had a test on Wednesday, two days from now, and a whole weekend of trying to figure out these stupid equations had done nothing but grate her nerves. Now, Dr. Pines seemed to be accusing her of not paying attention-
“Then he’s incorrect.”
“What?” The annoyance stopped, changing into confusion. While she had noticed her answers never came out the same as the teacher’s, she had thought it was just her being wrong.
Ford grabbed the pen from the pocket of his trenchcoat. Pushing the textbook aside, he laid out her notebook so the notes were on the left and a clean page on the right. “May I?” He asked, gesturing to the blank page.
“Have at it.”
With a nod, he went to writing, flying through the problems they did in class. He didn’t hesitate except to check he was copying the initial problem correctly, solving it with ease. He showed the steps, more steps than the teacher did, and she was left to watch in fascination as he reached the bottom of the page. “He balanced all of his answers wrong.” He said, raising the pen with a flourish. “You were on the right track, but his teaching messed you up.”
“Seriously?”
He smiled. “Yes, you were. Would you like me to still walk you through the steps?”
“Definitely.”
Wendy ripped pieces of paper from her notebook and grabbed her pencil, her annoyance and frustration fading. Dr. Pines was a far better teacher than Mr. Wilson, though she sometimes had to ask him to slow down or repeat something. There were also times where he went off on tangents about the chemicals in the problem - mainly on if they had the potential to explode. That was the most interesting part, unsurprisingly. Even with the next wave of customers and Stan’s shouts of “we put the fun in no refunds!” and “you break it, you buy it!”, she was able to pay attention. Ford went through a few practice equations that he came up with as well as ones from the book, then allowed her to attempt on her own with the actual homework. When he noticed she was about to make a mistake, he gently corrected her, unlike how Mr. Wilson yelled at poor Benson for asking the ‘stupidest question of his entire career.’
When she finished not even an hour later, she couldn’t help but smile. Ford checked her work one more time, nodded to himself, and said, “Perfect. You’re a very quick learner.”
“Thanks, Dr. Pines. You’re a pretty cool teacher.”
He chuckled. “Thank you. I tried to do my best at explaining. The teachers used to get mad at me for not showing my work, and I’ve never had to teach someone before.”
“You’re far better than Mr. Wilson. I didn’t know how I was going to pass Wednesday’s test.” She replied, putting her supplies back in her bag. “Thanks for helping.”
“Anytime.”
“Hey dudes!” Soos called, practically skipping his way over to the table. With what had to be the last tour of the day, the customers were dwindling out. “What’s up?”
“Just chemistry, which I am going to ace, thanks to Dr. Pines.” Wendy said, pumping her fist. For the first time since she stepped into Mr. Wilson’s class, she felt confident again. School had never really been her strongest area, but she wasn’t a bad student by any means, usually scoring A’s and B’s with the occasional C. An hour ago, she thought she would flunk out of tenth grade science. That was no longer true.
The man waved away the praise, standing and pushing his chair under the table. Wendy did the same, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. “You did all the work yourself. If you ever need help, you know who to call.”
“I never liked chemistry, outside of elephant toothpaste.” Soos said. “That was cool.”
“Elephant…toothpaste?” Ford asked, sounding somewhere between curious, confused, and cautious. “Is that modern slang for something?”
“Nah man.” Wendy said. “It’s just a cool science experiment people do nowadays. It’s real simple. All you need is… I think it was just baking yeast, dish soap, and peroxide.”
“Don’t forget the water!” Soos interjected. “Can we make it, Dr. Pines? I’ll clean it up, I promise!”
Ford visibly considered it, fingers going to his chin. She could almost hear the gears turning in his mind, running over what would happen. “I believe we have all of the ingredients. I don’t see why not.”
“Alright!” Wendy cheered, high-fiving Soos. She dropped her bag back on the table. “I’ll grab the dish soap and yeast from the kitchen.”
“I’ll get the peroxide!”
“The more you get, the bigger the effect. Grab all you can.” Ford said, a grin beginning to spread across his face. “I’ll get some containers. We’ll meet in the backyard.”
“Yes, sir!” The two saluted, running off in separate directions. It didn’t take long for them to gather everything, Wendy racing Soos out the back door. Dr. Pines stood with Mr. Pines, a few different sized bottles set up in the grass. They put their ingredients into a pile as Ford slipped gloves onto his hands.
“I didn’t know you were interested in elephant toothpaste, Mr. Pines.” Soos commented.
“I have no clue what that is.”
“Then why did you come out here?”
Stan raised an eyebrow as if it were obvious. “I heard Wendy call my nerdy brother ‘sir,’ saw you lot run off, and I had to see what trouble you three were about to get into.”
“I thought you said you were allergic to being a responsible adult?” Wendy asked, crossing her arms.
“I am. If you’re calling anyone ‘sir’ like that, then there’s nothing responsible about them. I’m not missing out on whatever chaos my brother is about to cause.”
“I heard that!” Ford called.
Stan smirked. “He's just mad because he knows I’m right.”
“You’re not.”
“Six, just make the elephant-whatever it is before I get bored.”
Ford rolled his eyes. “Stand back everyone,” he said, making a wide gesture with his arm. They all took one big step backward, Stan with a bored sort of annoyance tinged with caution and the other two with anticipation. At last, the scientist stood, dumping the hydrogen peroxide in as he went. Instantly, the clear bottle foamed and the substance shot a few feet into the sky before coming to crash on the ground. Soos let out a little holler of excitement and Stan finally looked interested.
“It really does look like toothpaste.” The old man remarked.
His twin agreed. “I understand the name now,” he grabbed the ingredients in his arms, shuffling over to the next bottle a few feet away, “which means I can experiment more.”
The sudden manic grin on the scientist's face had Wendy and Soos laughing while Stan groaned, though he was unable to hide a smile. “How far back do we need to get?”
“As far as possible.” Ford replied, pulling a little vial from his weapon belt. “This will be fun, I promise.”
“How safe is this?” Stan asked as they all retreated toward the Shack wall. Despite the question, Wendy could see the excitement burning in him.
“Nothing will light on fire.”
“That’s not very reassuring from the guy who uses fire to shave his face.”
“I assure you, this is perfectly safe.” Ford said as he procured a pair of safety goggles from his trenchcoat. At Stan’s look, he added, “This is only because I am in such close proximity. It could get into my eyes.”
“Riiight.”
“It is completely harmless touching skin. After a few seconds, it will no longer be dangerous to the eyes. I wouldn’t do anything to harm any of you.” Ford held the now-open vial above the newest batch of elephant toothpaste. “Ready?”
“Do it! Do it!” Wendy and Soos chanted. Stan’s grin finally broke out and he nodded. With his brother’s approval, Ford dumped the vial onto the foam and calmly stepped back.
It took two full breaths, then the foam turned from light colors to an array of purples and blues. Another breath later and the foam shot into the sky, untethered to the bottle. When it reached above the treeline, it silently exploded, stretching out across the sky in a brilliant show of color, eventually forming the shape of a star.
“Woah,” Wendy breathed, watching as the colors kept moving, inching out slowly. As the middle began to fade, she managed to take out her phone and snap a picture for the younger Pines twins. Mabel would love to see it and she knew Dipper would want to know whatever science his grunkle had done to create it.
“I told you it was safe.” Ford said to his brother, moving his goggles up to his forehead.
“Whatever, poindexter.”
“Can you do that again, Dr. Pines?” Soos asked. “It’s amazing!”
Ford’s only answer was the return of his manic grin.
When Wendy’s father and brothers pulled up in the truck a few minutes after the first bottle’s effects started fading in earnest, the girl thought she would have to bargain for more time. She was wrong. When her family saw the Pines twins and what was left of the light show, they happily joined in to watch. Stan brought out a cold box of Pitt cola and the sounds of cans cracking open joined the quiet fizzle of chemicals right before the next rocket of foam went up. This time, it formed a wave, spreading out from the center like a huge firework. Somewhere in between that explosion and the next, Abuelita made it out to the porch, watching with her grandson. For the next half hour, they witnessed an elephant toothpaste light show on the lawn of the Mystery Shack. With the darkness, it only got better, the mix of colors standing out against the blackened sky. When they stopped, it was only because they ran out of yeast.
As Wendy grabbed her bag from inside, she sent the pictures off to Dipper and Mabel, laughing at their all caps text reactions to their grunkle turning elephant toothpaste into a spectacle. She hadn’t just gotten the light show. She had also caught Stan and Ford doing their ‘high six’ and laughing. She had caught Soos’s face, slack jawed as he craned his neck to watch the last of the lights. She had gotten a photo of Abuelita, smiling softly while clapping her hands. She even took a selfie of herself with the lights in the background, captioning it ‘Miss you guys!’
With her backpack feeling lighter for the first time in days, she headed back outside, a smile on her face as she watched Stan chase his brother down, threatening to dump his drink on his head.
'This is my life,' she thought.
She wouldn't change a thing.