Work Text:
Evan rested his cheek on his hand with a soft smile dusting his face, and Jared felt sick to his stomach. Evan looked at Zoe with the fondness of someone who had known her for most of her life. He looked at her as if she’d been the one to help him bandage his scraped knees when he fell off his bike in first grade. As if she’d been the one he sat with cross-legged in the treehouse when he came out as bisexual for the first time. As if she was the one helping him write fake emails from her dead brother.
And yet. This might have been the first time he saw Evan smile all day. He had been sad, recently. Jared didn’t know how to ask about it. But when Evan looked at Zoe, the sickeningly fond smile grew.
(He looked at her as if she even knew him at all, really.)
Jared tried not to be a bitter person. And, genuinely, if Evan was happy, that was the important thing. He couldn’t help the pang of hurt in his chest. Or the way jealousy boiled in his stomach.
Evan blinked a few times and shook his head as if to snap himself out of a trance, but the smile still remained, faintly. He took a bite of his microwaveable mini pizza bagel and his eyes trailed back to Zoe. She was talking with a few of her friends, more subdued than usual, but still smiling as one said something inaudible across the noisy lunchroom.
Evan was lost in the concept of Zoe Murphy, and Jared wondered if he was even really there. He put his hands out in front of himself and flipped them over, like he was confirming to himself that he was still there, still visible, still worth paying attention to.
The last thing might not have been true. Jared wasn’t sure, but judging by Evan basically flat-out ignoring him, it wasn’t.
He thought about making some snide comment, a joke at his expense, taking any attention he could get from Evan even if it wasn’t enough. But he’d tried it before, too many times, and he couldn’t keep acting like a dog chewing on its owner’s shoes. He sighed.
“You okay?” Evan asked, and Jared realized the sigh he’d let out was more dramatic than he’d intended.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m chilling.” The words were half-there. Jared felt like if he fell off the face of the planet maybe nobody would notice.
“Cool,” said Evan. His eyes hadn’t left the side of Zoe’s head.
“I think I’m gonna go home, though. I don’t feel like going to class.”
“You really shouldn’t skip so often,” Evan said, slightly more attentive to the conversation, but still not looking at him. Jared wished he didn’t love him, sometimes. (Most of the time, if he was honest).
“I don’t think anyone cares that much,” Jared said. “You want to come with?” He tried. “We could get smoothies or something?” He dug through his pockets to find his keys. Evan was already shaking his head.
“Nah, I’ve got English class next, anyway.”
Right.
“Oh, your class with Zoe?” He wasn’t sure if the playful lilt he tried to add to his tone fell flat. “Well. Have fun with that, I guess.”
“I will,” Evan said, and that fond smile was back.
Jared’s jaw clenched. He took a shaky breath, and he left without another word.