Work Text:
Less than a cycle after my latest mission with ART, the ComfortUnit I had first met at RaviHyral cornered me on the Station.
I wasn't even sure why it was on the Station. To the best of my knowledge, it now lived full time on a planet, and followed Pin-Lee around like a lost puppy everyone wanted to be nice to. (The best of my knowledge here was everything I could get through Ratthi, because the ComfortUnit hijacked any drone that even grazed its general area.) (Also, it went by Z now. I had to start calling it that.) (Every time I used its descriptive designation one of the humans got upset with me.)
"Hello, fellow construct I unfortunately must be in solidarity with." It popped out from behind the kiosk it had been pretending to browse, and fell into step with the drone it had tracked down. My actual body was a number of streets away, sitting through a social activity with Ratthi and Overse, but I still tensed up.
("Oh, is Z talking to you?" Ratthi caught on immediately. "It did mention it wanted to! I thought it'd join us in person, though — ")
I abandoned the drone and considered hiding.
It pinged me before I could. Fucker, it said. Pin-Lee had obviously been a good influence. We are having this conversation.
We could be having it here, I sent back.
You don't want me to start having it there, it responded. It was moving really quickly now, since its knee had healed and everything. I'm about to mention sex.
I blocked it on instinct.
It unblocked itself almost instantly. Bharadwaj showed me your documentary, it said. To ask if I had notes.
Well. I assumed this meant it had notes. Talk to Bharadwaj about that, then.
I should, it all but spat. Uh-oh.
I really couldn't remember why it'd be so angry. I didn't even mention it. Was it mad that I didn't mention it? If you want to be in the documentary, talk to her yourself.
It almost laughed at me. You are so stupid. And then it turned the corner, and Ratthi jumped in surprise, and then it was leaning over the table until I could see the pores on its face.
(Which was really close, because its pores were basically invisible.
Unnaturally smooth texture wasn't the ComfortUnit norm, as most people prefer to have sex with things that look like people. Higher-ups, per rule, did want their escorts to look like people in the serials, so Z did walk around looking like it had three different filters on.)
"You told Bharadwaj that you find sex boring," it hissed (I was as horrified as you are), " — because you have no sex parts?!"
Ratthi was staring at the table, visibly torn between wanting to say something and having nothing to say. Overse had a hand to her mouth, and was leaning out of the way.
I said, "Uh." I'd turned my whole body away, as much as was possible. It kind of had me boxed in. I could smell it, which was annoying. "I do remember saying that."
"It also said it probably wouldn't have an interest in sex even if it did have sex parts, uh, so it's not exactly correlating — "
"Ratthi," all three of us said at the same time.
He squeaked. "Sorry!"
"You think I implied sex parts mean ComfortUnits are interested in sex," I concluded.
"Um," Z said (it was still too close). "No, I know you did that."
I said nothing. It wasn't exactly wrong.
I didn't think I was wrong either. "You do have an interest in sex, though."
It stared at me for a second longer. Then, too quickly for me to move, it licked a long line down its palm and slapped me with it.
I did an undignified attempt to get away. Overse gasped.
"You two!" She sounded amused. I was horrified. At least the ComfortUnit was leaning away. "This is enough. SecUnit, Z is just upset — "
"It knows why I'm fucking upset," Z snapped. Then, "Sorry, Overse."
"All good," Overse said. Then, "Want to sit down? This is getting a little heated — "
I was already walking away.
" — Shit." Overse said.
Z went right after me. I wasn't even surprised.
Don't lick me again, I told it.
My drone caught it rolling its eyes. I didn't lick you, it said.
Whatever. I wasn't going to argue about this. Just keep your liquids off me.
It ran up to me, and kicked me in the back of my foot.
"Ow," I vocalized, even though it didn't hurt.
It said, Bharadwaj asked if I want to add a reply to every comment you made about ComfortUnits.
I was now worried about how often I'd mentioned ComfortUnits. Great.
I don't want to do it, it said.
Amazing. Then don't.
It grit its jaw. Well I have to now. At least it wasn't looking at me anymore. Now that you've run your mouth.
I had no idea what to say to that. Sorry.
It huffed. I hope Three ends up loving sex, it said. I hope you can't tune into a single feed without hearing it talk about eating a—
“Okay,” I said out loud. “I think we said enough.”
It pressed its lips together, and said nothing.
We continued walking in the same direction.
I never claimed to be an expert on constructs, I said. I just answered Bharadwaj's questions. I am not a — I wasn't sure of a word. A spokesperson, or whatever. Spokesperson felt bad, but spokesconstruct sounded ridiculous.
Sure , the ComfortUnit said. Except that you are, because there is literally no one else doing this.
I tried to control my face. You go do it, then.
Sure! It yelled back. Let me go on there and say I don't love killing because I don’t have weapons in my limbs!
I rolled my eyes. Like humans don’t already think that I do.
People already think we enjoy sex, it said. We don't need you feeding their fantasies.
I stared ahead. So now you're upset people might think you like sex? Just two weeks ago, it was complaining to ART because Pin-Lee had assumed it didn't. You were both trying to make me tell Pin-Lee her chivalry offended you or something.
That's not the same, it said.
So maybe it had a point. Well, I said. I'll tell Bharadwaj to cut every reference I made to your people. Whatever.
Great, Z said. Should've kept your mouth shut from the get-go.
And then it was walking away from me, and I realized I didn't know where I was going.