Chapter Text
The memory was blurry, faded with time, details foggy and unclear, as if someone had taken an eraser to his mind, and rubbed it out, leaving only an imprint on the paper. He grasped for it sometimes, when he felt a desperate need for comfort, but it always slipped between his fingers like the sand that seemed to fill every nook and cranny of his childhood. The harder he thought about it, the further away it got.
They sat in the movie theatre, waiting for the lights to come back on.
It had been dark. Not uncomfortably so. Just dark. And he had been happy, so happy.
It was one of his last happy memories with Sam, before it all went to hell. Before the arguing with Frank, and the resulting punishments became more frequent. Before Sam packed his bag in the middle of the night. Jim had begged, pleaded with his older brother not to leave him.
The memory was blurry, faded with time, details foggy and unclear, and Jim was glad for it.
Captain, we’re approaching the ship.”
“On screen.”
It wasn’t pretty. Scorch marks along the hull, engines shut down, definitely broken beyond repair, just floating dead through space.
“Yikes, that’s…” Bones trailed off behind him, leant against the railing behind the captain’s chair eyes fixed on the ship which was the origin of the distress signal they had been sent to investigate.
“Yeah. Rough.” Jim turned to Spock, brows furrowed slightly, a tell of worry that gave him away straight away. “Mr. Spock?”
“Most of their systems seem to be offline, Captain.” A short pause. “But it seems as though life support is still functional.”
The entire bridge crew let out a simultaneous sigh of relief, and Jim’s lips quirked up into a small smile. There was a chance the crew and passengers were still alive then.
“Try hailing them.” They waited a moment, two. Nothing.
“No response.” Uhura reported, frowning at the controls in front of her.
“Ah well, worth a try, huh?” Jim said, bounding off his chair and onto his feet. It had been weeks since they had last had an interesting assignment, mostly just drifting through space without much purpose. He had been bouncing off the walls with energy, writhing with tension and generally dying from boredom. His friends were sick of it. He was sick of it. So, when they finally picked up a distress signal after many tedious weeks in boring space, he had jumped at the opportunity. Pike would need to pry it from his cold dead hands.
“Spock, Bones, you’re with me.”
“Captain, I don’t think-“ Spock tried to say, but Jim just grinned, buzzing with energy as he hopped up the small set of stairs towards the turbo lift.
“C’mon Spock, it’ll be fine. Live a little! Mr. Sulu, you have the conn.”
“Aye Sir. I’ll look after her.” Was the response.
If Spock were any more human, he would have rolled his eyes, but instead just left that responsibility to the good doctor, and followed behind his reckless captain who was grinning from ear to ear.
It was going to be a long day.
Jim, Bones and Spock arrived in the transporter room to a small away team waiting for them, medical kits, tricorders and phasers at the ready.
“ Right, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” Jim announced to the team as he entered and was met with a few fondly exasperated looks and a single grin from an ensign. “That’s the spirit Ensign Haines. See everyone, at least someone gets me.”
That comment earned him a snort from the Ensign Leon Haines in question and a wack round the head from Bones. Jim grinned sheepishly as he brought a hand up to rub the sore spot and glanced towards Ensign Wyatt, who was standing at the control panel and barely holding in his laughter.
“Yeah, laugh all you want Wyatt. You ready?”
“Of course, Captain.” Was the somewhat strained response.
Jim just smiled, before stepping up onto the transporter pad, the others following him, mentally preparing themselves for which was likely to be an…interesting mission, as was likely with their captain.
What a day it was going to be.
As soon as they beamed onto the shuttle, the atmosphere seemed to shift. The air was cold, almost stale, and something caused the hairs on the back of Jim’s neck to rise. All previous jovial attitudes disappeared, and his hand drifted towards his phaser. He saw the rest of the away team have a similar thought process as they all shifted uneasily, glancing around the seemingly abandoned corridor.
“Okay everyone. We’ll split into pairs. Spock and Doctor McCoy, Palmer and O’Neil, Tankris and Thule, and me and Haines. Be careful, be aware of your surroundings and make sure tricorders and phasers are at the ready. This is going to be a no casualty op, everyone got that?”
The response was a series of nods.
“Haines and I will head to the bridge, the rest of you take a deck each and make your way towards the mess. If you see anything suspicious, or even if something feels off, comm immediately and the closest group will make their way to you. Understand?”
Another series of affirmatives.
Ok, good. Let’s go.”
Jim plastered an easy grin on his face as he turned and left with Haines, trying to make the other feel a bit more at ease and headed towards the bridge. The ship was pretty small, so it wouldn’t take them long to make a full sweep and find any survivors, but the place still made him uneasy, so the quicker they found any survivors and left, the better. Haines next to him shifted nervously hand gripping a tricorder and eyes glued onto the display, scanning for any life. He was pretty young, a kid by Jim’s standards even if Bones would say that didn’t mean much coming from him. “First away mission Haines?” he asked, wanting to ease the kid’s nerves. Haines to his credit only jumped up about half a foot, startled so badly by the break in the silence that he looked just about ready to flee. The response half a second later once he realised it was just his captain speaking to him, was a nervous laugh and a sheepish smile.
“Ah, don’t worry too much, kid. I still remember my first away mission. Well, really it was less of a mission and more of an… excommunication from the Enterprise for arguing with Spock’s orders. Man, that was something. Got dumped on this random ice planet, chased by these increasingly more terrifying creatures trying to eat me, then met this old guy who turned out to be Spock from an alternate universe, then met Scotty, who figured out trans warp beaming and THEN we beamed back onto the enterprise. Yeah, that was interesting.” Haines stared at him in wide eyed shock. “Commander Spock…he….? And old guys…. from…. different universes….? What….?”
Jim just laughed, eyes crinkling at the edges.
“Try not to think too much about it. Spock and I weren’t on the best of terms when we first met.”
“Sounds like a bit of an understatement.” Was the mumbled response, and Jim snorted as they reached the turbolift doors. He wasn’t expecting them to be working, but ever the optimist, pressed a button on a panel to the right and the doors swished open. “Ah, we’re lucky.” He said stepping in, “Was not mentally prepared to be crawling through all those
Jeffreys tubes, don’t think I could handle that kinda climb today. I can feel my bone creaking.” Jim was 26. His bones were not creaking, but he did like to complain about any small inconvenience.
Haines nodded in agreement, even though he was younger by a few years than Jim, as they stepped across the threshold, doors shutting behind them.
“Bridge.”
He gripped his phaser with one hand as the lift started upwards and adjusted his stance, body shifting slightly in front of Haines to cover him and finger resting on the phaser trigger.
It was set to stun, of course, but would still deal some damage if needs must.
The lift came to a stop and the doors opened once again. The bridge was dark, all lights off. No signs or sounds of movement, no flashing lights or beeping consoles, just… silence. It made Jim nervous. He never liked darkness and silence, the combination usually spelling death in his experience.
Keeping his movements slow and cautious, he stepped out onto the bridge, fumbling for his belt with the hand that wasn’t holding the phaser and managing to unclip his torch. The resulting beam of light caused him to squint for a split second, but when his eyes adjusted, he winced at the state of the place. Pipes and wires were hanging from the ceiling, littering the floor along with other rubble he couldn’t identify, as scorched as it was. Chairs were tipped over and blackened, control panels smashed. It looked worse than the outside. Anyone who had been up here at the time of the attack was surely dead, but bodies weren’t present. It was likely the surviving crew or passengers had taken the bodies down to medical.
Jim allowed himself a moment of silence for the dead before he set to work. Rounding the captain’s chair and leaning against the primary controls, tapping uselessly on the blank screen, before crouching down to access the wiring on the underside, keeping the torch in between his teeth so he had both hands free. Ensign Haines was up by the communications station, trying to get the screens back online. After multiple minutes of silence as they both faffed around with the controls, Jim let out a defeated sigh and stood back up, cracking his spine once fully straightened.
“No luck sir?”
“Nah, though I’m not surprised. It’s a miracle the life support still works in here to be honest. We’d best head back down and see-“
The rest of his sentence was cut short by the bleeping of his communicator, and he immediately returned the phaser to his belt, before unclasping the device and flipping it open.
"Captain, we have located the survivors." Spock's voice filtered through.
“Good job, we were just finishing up here.” He replied, nodding to Haines and heading back towards the turbo lift. “How many?”
“23. It seems most of the crew died when the attack started as all the survivors are passengers.”
"I figured as much, it’s a mess up here-“ His sentence cut off when he tripped over a piece of pipe lying prone on the floor and he cursed.
“Captain, is everything alright?”
“Just fine Spock. as I was saying it’s a mess.” Haines was waiting for him in the lift as he stepped inside. “What floor?”
“5, adjacent medical.”
“Alright, we won’t be long.”
Casting one last look at the bridge, the doors closed behind him, and they began their short descent. Hopefully they could evacuate the passengers quickly and be on their way. He still felt uneasy and the idea of getting out of here was a welcome one.
The lights in the hallways flickered and his footsteps echoed in the emptiness. His phaser was safely back on his belt, but he still felt jumpy, constantly glancing over his shoulder and checking on Haines, who seemed a lot less nervous than Jim himself. Maybe it was just one too many weird away missions and lingering memories messing with him.
He was brought back to the present when he heard muffled voices coming from the corridor up ahead and a few lamps scattered around, lighting that section of the hallway better than its surroundings. The illumination eased his nerves slightly, as did the familiar voices of his crew. It seemed he and Haines were the last to arrive.
“Captain.” Spock inclined his head slightly towards Jim when he saw him enter the room, turning away from the man and woman he had been speaking with. Jim nodded back and glanced around, doing a quick head count of his team before approaching Spock to talk with him.
“Report?”
“As I said, 23 alive. The crew are in medical but unfortunately did not survive the attack. I assume we will be taking their bodies back onto the Enterprise to transport to Earth?”
“Of course, we’ll just have to make sure Wyatt can get a lock on them.”
“Already done, everything’s set up. Just waiting on the all clear from the Enterprise” Came Bones’ voice from behind him. He had been tending to the passengers but pulled himself away when he saw Jim enter. “Good to see that you’re still alive kid, with the amount of bull you get up to I’m quite frankly surprised.”
Jim grinned at his best friend. “Your lack of faith disturbs me Bones.”
A snort was the only response Bones graced him with. Spock for his part, watched on with the ever-present passive expression, but if Jim looked closely, he could just about see a small up twitch of his lips. Reading Spock was getting easier by the day, and he teased him mercilessly about it, which was exactly what he was about to start doing before their usual banter was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.
He looked to the culprit, who to her credit, did look slightly guilty about interrupting their little conversation.
“Sorry, I just-I mean, we all kinda want to get out of here, if you know what I mean.” The woman spoke, sounding a mix of just slightly amused and flustered as she observed the captain interacting with his crew.
“Ah, yeah, sorry. Um-we’re sorting it now?” He sent a questioning look over to Spock who nodded in confirmation. “It’s just a little difficult to get a lock in here, but my crew’s the best in the fleet, so worry not.” Jim grinned at her, and she smiled back. She was pretty, but more importantly, vaguely familiar, he just couldn’t place her. It made him uncomfortable.
Nevertheless, as a Starfleet captain, he held out his hand for a handshake and she took it. Her grip was warm and firm, not oppressively so, just the right amount that made her feel maternal.
“You are?”
“Aurelan Davis.” Now that name did ring a bell, and before he could process it, Aurelan turned to introduce the man standing next to her, who Jim had honestly forgotten about. “And this is my husband, Sam.”
At the name and the eyes accompanying it, he felt like he had been punched in the gut, all breath knocked out of him. He was fairly sure he let out some sort of choked breath, earning him concerned glances from Spock and Bones, though both would deny it, but he didn’t take notice. All he could focus on was the man in front of him, tall, slightly taller than himself, broad shouldered, dark brown hair and a kind look on his face. What got him though, were the eyes. Eyes so so familiar. The softest brown infused with specks of green, as if they held the new spring growth inside. They were the forest floor and the gentle flowers, somewhere to rest and breathe. They were Jim’s childhood. Late night talks and Chinese take away in secret. The eyes of his older brother, George Samuel Kirk jr.
Sammy.
He hadn’t realised he had spaced out until he felt an elbow in his side.
“I-yeah. Um-nice to meet you Sam,” he felt another wave of disbelief hit him as he said the name, and his voice was breathless. What on Earth? Why? Why now, when he was finally moving on, learning to live without the doubt in the back of his mind, the guilt for things he could have done differently and things he couldn’t, things he could never have changed and things he could. “-and Aurelan. I’ve gotta-“
He took a stumbled step backwards, away from the confused look from his brother, that same look he had received when he was a kid and geeking out about his latest obsession. Sam never quite understood but was always happy to just listen. Shit. He was spiraling. Shit. Shit. “Shit- I’ve gotta go-“
Another step backwards, earning him a very concerned look from Bones, one that he elected to ignore in favour of getting his rapid breathing under control. God, it was hard to breathe. When had that happened? “Um, stuff to do, a ship to run, whatever. Spock, you’re in charge.” His excuse was piss poor, he knew that, but all his energy was currently focused on seeing straight enough to get the hell out of there. After another second, he just about managed to tear his gaze away from Sam to pull his communicator out and flip it open.
“One to beam up.” His voice came out slightly strained and breathless. He hadn’t sounded like that since… since the time in that warp core chamber. He was dying then, and it felt like he was dying again now, his body tearing itself apart in an attempt to escape.
Finally, finally he felt the familiar sensation of the transporter but felt no relief when Sam and the others disappeared, and the transporter room of his Enterprise came into view.
He wanted to cry.