Chapter Text
Downward Spiral
"We have done with Hope and Honour, we are lost to Love and Truth,
We are dropping down the ladder rung by rung,
And the measure of our torment is the measure of our youth,
God help us, for we knew the worst too young!"
- Gentlemen-rankers, Rudyard Kipling
"For the crime of treason and rebellion against the crown, you must be justly punished. However, out of respect for the love my late father had for you, I shall spare your life."
Alicent could pinpoint where it all went wrong. She had held to her father's wishes and she done all that he wanted. She had wed a king and gave him princes. She had allowed her son to be crowned and gave her crown to her daughter. All to protect them from the knives in the dark. That was all she wanted, for her children and grandchildren to live. It still was not enough.
Yet, the bastard had still died. Killed. By the jaws of her son's dragon. Now there was no chance of peace. Kill or be killed, that was the way of war.
Yet what could she do? War was not a woman's place. She had very little use anymore, with her husband gone to the Gods. All she could do was wait and listen, wait and listen. What could she could do when those two cutthroats had stolen into the Red Keep and taken Jaehaerys from the world. He was only six. He was a light of Helaena's world, a world filled with doubt and fear, and they killed him and left behind a madness. A madness that burrowed and seeded itself inside her daughter's head. She was never the same, the light had gone out of her life and was replaced with dull dead eyes which feared the coming day.
A son for a son.
Despite all her efforts, King's Landing had still fallen. The brother she never really knew had a sword shoved into his belly by the men he was supposed to command the loyaly of and the father that she doubted ever loved her was to face a sword by the day's end. Yet, there she was. Still alive. Waiting for a ship. By the love of King Viserys.
He never loved me, she thought.
He wanted sons and when the God's gifted him with three, he turns and looks away.
He never loved them.
Mayhaps that is why they are what they are.
"You cannot remain in King's Landing, for the threat you pose."
She knew that her sentence was likely death. No one returns from that place, the currents cannot allow it. They all knew that Stranger would take her down below before she reached the shore. The place where the savagery of man was never tamed, never brought low. She had said her goodbyes to her daughter, but she had not reacted. Her dead eyes had just stared, beyond her, at something in the distance. Something that could not be put back together.
She could feel the eyes of the Princess on her. Alicent could not help but meet them and feel herself losing her way, trying to pry from them deeper thoughts. The Princess looked at her with strange eyes, they seemed almost ashamed. She lost her son. I lost a grandson.The debt was paid. Alicent knew she should hate her, pour out her hatred onto the pier and spit her loathing into her face. It would be easy, she had refused peace and plunged the Kingdoms into war and for all that Alicent knew, had stood by and done nothing as her grandsons death was ordered. However, against her will, Alicent still thought that she had never seen anything more beautiful.
It was a strange feeling. To find beauty amidst hate. Mayhaps that was where men found beauty in slaughter, found laughter amongst the piles of dead men.
"Therefore, I, Rhaenyra of House Targaryen, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, sentence you to exile..."
Waves moved against the wood of the pier and memories moved against the mind of the once Queen. Alicent remembered when they were young. Two-and-ten and stealing kisses from each other. Four-and-ten and laying in bed together. Clothes a distant memory. Rhaenyra was always the more bold of the two and Alicent used wonder to where she got her boundless recklessness from. She would scold Rhaenyra for not caring about the consequences, but a smile would always follow and all would be forgiven and forgotten. Now that Alicent was likely to never see Rhaenyra again, she wanted nothing more than one last kiss. Just one. To bring back happier memories of days where the future seemed so far away. One last drink before the vast desert.
"...on the Isle of Skagos, to return only at the pleasure of the Crown."
The savage land awaited.