Archive of Our Own ^beta

Amanda could so do this without crying.

She was gonna conquer today, actually- she decided flipping over the tiny blueberry pancakes on the pan, then lifted her cup to her lips again to take another greedy sip of coffee. She closed her eyes, the sunlight from the window hitting her face beckoned back all the sleepiness she’d had to shake off an hour or so ago.

Half a second later though, she felt two familiar little hands pulling on her yellow flared pants, “Mamaaa”, a tiny voice protested, “Ready now?”

“Careful, banana-cake, mama’s holding a coffee,” she placed the ceramic gently onto the counter and turned off the stove, then looked down to find two green, curious eyes staring up at her. Amanda smiled a full smile, then ruffled up the chestnut curls on her son’s head with her fingertips. The kid, clearly done with her antics, attempted to swipe the now-messy hair away from his forehead,

“‘M not banana cake,” he grumbled, his lip pouty, “I’m Benjamim.”

“It’s Benjamin, baby, not Benjamim.” Amanda corrected gently, it took all she had not to giggle at his adorable mispronunciation- it had been a few weeks now of Amanda trying to get him to say it correctly, especially before today, but she’d accepted it would probably happen in its own time…

“I know mama!” he scrunched his eyebrows in what seemed to be offence, “Benjamim.”

“I.. okay.” Amanda couldn’t help the tiniest chuckle escaping her lips as her eyes crinkled from her smile, “You got it, bud.”

It was a surprise, really, the way his name came about. She’d tried to plan it all perfectly- something about being a single mom and wanting to do everything right - she had a list all planned out, each name more perfect than the one before. Given Amanda’s immense love for the outdoors and the beauty of nature, she’d always pictured that if she had a kid, she’d call them something inspired by it- River, Daisy, Aspen, Ash …  Eventually, she made a wall of sticky notes in her living room each filled with a potential name, and vowed to herself to take down one each day until her baby’s birth. Granted, it was tough because she’d decided to keep the gender a secret until birth, but a few nights before labour, she dreamt that she had a son and that his name was Benjamin. 

“What, like Benjamin Franklin?” Chanse had raised a confused eyebrow at her during their brunch date the next day, “Really bitch?”

“Your ‘bitch’ count is at 5 today, and I don’t like your tone.” Amanda had sassed back at her best friend, though both knew they were each other’s undying support systems since Amanda had moved out to LA seven years back. Granted, things had changed a lot since then.. “Anyway, it’s my kid.”

“I know,” Chanse acknowledged, “Just.. kinda simple. Go for something ethereal like..” he lowered his sunglasses back onto his nose, “Koda..”

Amanda rolled her eyes, “God you and your Dnd stuff- get a life!”

“Oh I’m living .” Chanse quipped, “I am liviiiiiing !”

The pair had burst into cackles after that.

Breakfast was messy and full of giggles- just like it was every day, and just like every day- Amanda ended up plopping all the dirty dishes into the sink to do later having realised they were running late. It was funny because Amanda had never had time management issues before she had Ben- she was always respectful of meetup times and schedules and- in attempting to build up some semblance of an acting career in her spare time- it had always helped her greatly to be on time. But something about that green-eyed bundle of giggles made all of time disappear. Poof. And just like that they were shuffling to get inside her hand-me-down Toyota. 

As they drove through the busy streets, Amanda kept glancing at the rear-view mirror to observe Ben in the backseat- his innocent gaze fixed to the bustling city outside the window. 

“You excited, Benjie?” she asked him enthusiastically, the little boy’s attention shifted to her momentarily,

“Mhm.” he answered simply, then returned to the window. Amanda smiled, she loved him so much it was crazy. And unhealthy, probably. Some nights it kept her up- trying to stomach the glowy fluttery feeling that the tiny little human snoring away in the other room was hers. Her baby .

Amanda blinked rapidly as she slowed the car at a red light- she was not going to cry today.

Nuh-uh.

Because Amanda was strong, and Amanda had it all together. She was brave the morning she decided to take a pregnancy test after a vacation hookup, she was brave when the lines on it formed a little plus for ‘positive’, and the day she knocked on Camilo’s door to tell him she was keeping it. She was brave when the man wished her well but that he wanted nothing to do with the kid, the day when- after 5 hours of labour and squeezing the hands of her sisters she heard her baby’s first cry, and she was going to be brave now, looking at him in his smart little button up smiling up at her as she led him towards the decorated doors of the kindergarten.

She could do this. She could so do this without crying.

“Remember you have to tell Miss Arasha if you need to use the bathroom, okay?” Amanda kneeled besides her son on the little bench by the cubbies as she helped him buckle his indoor shoes,

“Mhm.” Ben nodded absentmindedly, his curious eyes already tracing the many other kids prancing around the classroom next door- the fact that this was his first ever day of kindergarten did not seem to bother the kid in the slightest, 

Amanda reached out to tap his cheek gently, bringing his focus back to her face, “You have a good day, okay?” She smiled trying her absolute best to swallow the emotional lump forming in her throat, “You’re gonna have so much fun!”

“Okay..” Ben looked hesitant, his lips pouting slightly as his eyes fell to the floor, “But I’m shy..”

“You’re..” Amanda cursed herself for having ever called him ‘shy’- somehow the kid took the most throwaway comments she ever made and recycled them promptly as crucial parts to his lexicon. What else was she supposed to say, though, when a lady pushing twins in a stroller inquired why he didn’t want to take a clearly sand-covered goldfish one of the kids was holding up to him? ‘He’s just shy..’ she’d smiled politely at the woman, then made the first excuse she could muster and led Ben away from the overenthusiastic kids. That was a month ago now- but it stuck. Whenever Ben didn’t want to do something, he’d pull out the ‘I’m shy’ line, as if it would somehow absolve him of responsibilities like cleaning up his toys or brushing his teeth..

“You’re not shy, Benjie, you’re friendly!” she tried, booping him on his little nose to try and get her son to smile, it didn’t seem to be helping though,

“I don’t have a friend...”

Oof. That one came straight for Amanda’s chest. She exhaled slowly to keep any tears off her face.

“Oh baby..” she scooped him into a big hug, “That’s exactly why we’re here, honey!” she squeezed his little body close to hers, breathing in his scent, then let him go putting on her brightest smile, “I know it can be scary- there are sooo many kids here- but no one else has a friend yet either, that’s what today is for.” she explained, “Start out by just saying hi, okay?”

“Hi,” a familiar voice greeted from the doorway, both Amanda and Ben looked up to find the teacher- Miss Arasha- smiling at them kindly, “hey kiddo,” she waved at Ben, her loose floral jumpsuit ruffling as she reached into the pocket, pulling out a set of stickers, “you wanna join the cool kids club?” 

“The cool kids club..?” Ben mumbled back, his eyes sparkling despite his hesitant tone,

“All you gotta do is give me a fistbump,” Arasha explained, “then you get this sticker, and you’re part of the club.”

Ben looked at Amanda, then at Miss Arasha, then back at Amanda,

“Go buddy, go!” she gestured towards the classroom enthusiastically, “and before you know it- I’ll be right back to pick you up after school- then you and uncle Chanse can have a movie night!”

Ben gazed at the playing kids in the classroom, cogs turning in his head, “Okay.” he finally decided.

With sloppy kiss to Amanda’s cheek, Ben sprinted off towards Miss Arasha with a small fist bump before bouncing around at the shiny star sticker now promptly on his hand,

“Mama loves you, banana cake!” she waved at him for the final time, 

“I loves you!” he called back to her with what seemed to be an attempt at blowing a kiss.

Amanda mouthed a thank you to Arasha, who gave her a giddy wink before disappearing into the classroom. 

She should have left, really- she trusted Ben and she’d spoken to Arasha countless times over the phone, but the tall brunette couldn’t help it- she sneakily peeked through the doorway, trying her best to go unnoticed by her son.

She could see a group of kids who’d run up to him, a blonde little girl stepping forward, “Is your name banana cake?” she squeaked- clearly an extrovert,

“No. My name is Benjamim.” she could barely make out her son’s voice over the chatter of the other kids, “My mama only.. only says banana cake.”

The other girl giggled, “My dad loves bananas. He eats a lot of bananas, probably a hundred.”

“That’s so many!” Ben seemed to relax, excitement overtaking his voice

“I know!” the little girl squealed, “he’s gonna go like this- this-“ she gestured growing taller and taller with her arms, then flung them into the air, “- and boom!”

Ben’s giggles filled the air, and Amanda knew he’d be completely fine. With one last glance at her son she was out the door.

And Amanda almost kept it in. Almost. But something about when she sat back in her car and caught sight of the empty baby-seat made the wave of emotions she’d bottled up so diligently come crashing open, her eyes overflowing with tears. Fuck it, she was already late for work- might as well cry it out at this point.

She deeply regretted this decision, however, when her kindhearted colleague, Kimmy, asked about what happened to her makeup,

“Oh,” Amanda had blinked at her concerned expression after she tore her eyes away from the article she’d been typing out, “it’s just.. so hot. It must have melted off my face.” 

“Yeah right,” Kimmy rolled her eyes, then offered her the jar of mints she diligently kept on her office table, “have a mint, it’ll make you feel better.”

“You always say that, Kims,” Amanda smiled, picking out a candy nevertheless,

“Yeah, and am I wrong?” the woman tilted her head adorably,

Amanda only chuckled, “Thanks Kimmy.”

“Don’t mention it.” Kimmy smiled, her dimples popping out- if it weren’t for Kimmy, to be honest, Amanda would have probably quit her job for STELLA | MAG years ago. As much as she liked stories- typing them out as columns and articles for a magazine was nothing like getting to embody them, to perform them..

That reminded Amanda- she had a callback for an audition later tonight. Sadly, she knew it was going to be a long one, which is why she was forever grateful to Chanse who’d kindly agreed to help her out and watch Ben this evening until she got back. Who was she kidding, she didn’t even really ask at this point, just tell him the time and he’d always be there. Chanse loved Ben. Amanda was certain it was because both of them were equal amounts of ‘nerdy’, and she admired their bond, she really did. She didn’t admire, however, when her son asked if he could acquire a real, sharp, sword ‘like uncle Chansey’, to which she of course said no. Eventually they settled on a wooden one with zero sharp edges, but to be honest all Benjamin ever did was admire the thing. He was just so… good .

Amanda was drumming her fingers on her steering wheel, her nerves playing up a storm as she slowly approached the kindergarten to pick up Ben. It was actually completely fine that traffic was slowing her down by a couple minutes- she could totally go another few minutes without seeing him or hugging him or kissing his stupid googly-eyed face.. Amanda sighed, stopping at the red light. That’s when her phone lit up with a call from Chanse.

“So you can’t watch him tonight?” Amanda questioned, her voice strained, 

“Didn’t you hear what I said?!” the man squeaked enthusiastically through the loudspeaker she’d put him on, “I’m gonna be the lead in a musical!”

Had it been any other day, Amanda would be over the moon that Chanse booked his dream role- he’d been part of the Cityfolk Theatre Group for a few years now, but they were old-school in the way they warmed up to new talent, and he’d been talking about wanting this for forever..

“I’m so happy for you, Chanse, and I will talk to you in depth about that later, but you know how important this audition is to me, what am I supposed to do now?” she grumbled, “I’m literally about to pick up Ben, the callback’s two hours from now.” 

“I’m really sorry, Amanda,” Chanse sighed, “I was kinda hoping you’d just ask Kimmy..”

Right. Yep. Okay so maybe Amanda had a whole network of friends-turned-babysitters at this point but that’s… She made a mental note to buy them both chocolates and a bottle of champagne sometime.

“Kimmy’s got her wedding rehearsal, remember?”

“Okay maybe like.. try a babysitter website or something?” he suggested,

Amanda rubbed her pounding temples, “You are a menace .”

“I love you too!” Chanse chimed, “But seriously, I’m really sorry..” Amanda could hear some sort of chatter on the other end, Chanse was clearly preoccupied with his theatre friends and newfound fame, or whatever, “..yeah.. she’s got an audition..” he spoke, away from the phone, “I was supposed to but.. yeah just like.. watch him for a few hours..-- hang on, Amanda, here’s Shayne-”

“Who’s Shayne?!” Amanda protested, “Chanse you can’t–”

“Uh.. hello?” an unfamiliar male voice filled the speaker, 

“Hi!” Amanda greeted politely, she was going to kill Chanse,

“I’m.. I’m Shayne,” the voice seemed to hesitate, “Chanse mentioned you need a babysitter, like, ASAP.”

“Yep.” Amanda popped her ‘p’, she didn’t even know if it was in frustration or amusement anymore, “My audition’s in two hours and Chanse was supposed to watch Ben- my son- and I just- but at this point I might just dip, I don’t know how I feel about a complete stranger-”

“Woah woah,” the guy- Shayne - chuckled interrupting Amanda’s spiralling- what exactly was so funny? “Listen, it’s obviously completely your choice, but I know a babysitter you can trust- my wife and I leave our daughter with her whenever we have a date night, she’s honestly great. And hey, getting a callback is hard enough, you should go for it.”

“I don’t know..” Amanda hesitated, the pounding in her head increasing, “This is so last-minute, I don’t know if-”

“Don’t worry, she’s an emergency babysitter,” Shayne added, “I think she’s usually free on Mondays.”

Amanda could hear Chanse sigh away from the phone, “Just say yes, Amanda!” he sassed, “Shayne literally just solved your whole problem!”

And Amanda loved Chanse, but he didn’t get it. That’s her baby. Her baby who’s gonna stay home with a stranger, a stranger whose literal job it was to do that, but still…  

“Here, Shayne just typed in her number,” Chanse’s voice in her ear took her out of her thoughts, “love you- good luck at the audition!”

Then he hung up. 

Amanda sighed. Whatever, her acting career can wait. 

“Mama!” the little boy squeaked and full-on launched at the crouching Amanda for an embrace when he saw her step through the doors of the classroom, 

“Hi baby..” she murmured against his shirt as she squeezed his little body close to herself, “Hi honey..”

“Mama, Miss.. Miss Arasha says I’m really good at knowing letters- today-..” the little boy blabbered as Amanda helped him change his shoes, clearly still buzzing from the events of today, “-and today we- and Poppy is my friend!”

“She’s your friend?!” Amanda smiled at him brightly, “That’s amazing, bud! You made a friend!”

“Yeah!” he giggled proudly, “Her mama took her before.. she has music..”

Amanda wondered what exactly that was supposed to mean- probably some kind of music class? Either way, she was just glad to hear her son was recounting the day so positively. She nodded at him as he pointed out the letters of his name on his cubby- she was so, so proud of him.

After many ‘thank-you’s to Miss Arasha and finally managing to shuffle the bouncing Ben into the car, thoughts about her callback came rushing over her like a dreary cloud as the pair sat through more LA traffic. She thought she was hiding it well until Ben innocently inquired if she was ‘sleepy’..

“Mama’s not sleepy, Ben, I’m just..” she trailed off, in truth she didn’t really know what she was at this point,

“You can watch movies..” he suggested helpfully, Amanda bit down a smile, “We can do movie night with uncle Chansey- you said in the.. in the mornim..”

Why, why did this kid have to mispronounce things so ridiculously adorably- Amanda pondered- it made her want to jump out of her carseat and kiss his little nose.

“I’m sorry, baby, but uncle Chanse said he can’t make it to movie night tonight,” she glanced at Ben’s eyes fixed to her through the rear-view mirror, “maybe another night..?”

Ben blinked, “Mama, are you sad?”

That one came as a gut-punch, it left Amanda speechless for a moment until she finally pieced her words together- how the hell did this kid see right through her?

“I’m just a little tired, honey.”

“It’s okay,” Ben tried to console in his own little way, “I loves you.”

“Mama loves you too, Benjie.” she gave him a little wink through the rear-view mirror, then continued the rest of the drive in silence to the various tunes of Queen’s ‘Day At The Races’ remaster.

While Ben munched down on his spaghetti, Amanda hovered over the message bubble with the contact Chanse had sent- Angela Giarratana, LA-based Emergency Babysitter.. She seemed reliable enough, there was also a link to her website. Amanda clicked on the name hoping to inspect her tiny picture further and-.. her phone was ringing. Wait -

“Hi, this is Angela, how can I help you?” a small voice crackled.

Shit shit shit. So pressing the number meant calling the number. Fucking evil iPhones.

Amanda almost dropped her phone as she scurried to lift it to her ear, “Uh.. h-hi, this is Amanda..”

“Hi, Amanda.” the woman’s giddy voice greeted, “Are you calling about emergency babysitting services?”

“Um y-yes?” Amanda muttered, then her eyes widened at the realisation- no she wasn’t, actually. She didn’t intend to call at all .

“Gotcha,” the other woman rasped, “and what timeframe are we talking here- I’m centre-based, so the fastest I can make it is around 30-40 minutes depending on where I need to be. I know since you’re calling me, it’s probably an emergency- sadly teleportation doesn’t come with the services..” the phone-voice joked, but hearing nothing from Amanda cleared her throat, “Would that timing work for you?”

Amanda’s mouth was agape but no sound was coming out, her brain well and truly seemed to have frozen,

“Hello?” Angela’s voice hesitated, 

“Yep. Yes. That would be fine.” Amanda blurted- all the words that had frozen on her tongue before now seemingly escaping her in one big blorb, “Just- um.. Are you, I-I mean, can you do a couple hours this evening? I don’t really know how long it’ll be..”

“Yep, I’m all free tonight,” the woman assured, “and don’t worry, I’ll stay as long as I need to, that’s part of-... just out of curiosity, have you ever used babysitting services before?”

Amanda’s mind flooded with images of Chanse and her sister, Alice, who was literally like a second mother to Ben until she moved out of state a month ago. Her daughter, Ella, was only a few months older than Benjamin, but since her husband had a well-paying job she opted to be a stay-at-home mom. Thankfully, her sister loved Ben as much as Amanda did, and offered to just have him stay home with her and Ella while Amanda worked. She was a Godsend, really, and clearly it seemed Amanda hadn’t prepared enough for what would happen if neither her nor Chanse were available anymore.

“I’m guessing that’s a no..” Amanda was shaken out of her thoughts by the gentle voice coming through her phone, 

“Um, no..” she admitted, “I’m sorry-” she shook her head in embarrassment, she was usually way more collected, “-it’s just that I’ve got this audition I need to get to and my friend was supposed to watch my son, but that fell through so now I can’t really- I-I don’t know what to do..”

“Easy, easy..” came Angela’s soft chuckle, “You’re doing the best you can,” she assured, somehow that made Amanda feel like she could trust her just a little, “If you send me your address, I can be there in thirty minutes, give or take- I’ll bring all my paperwork- how old is your son?”

“He’s four.” Amanda informed, “Well, four and a half-.. just- actually, can I call you back? I need to talk to him first..”

“No problem,” the other woman assured understandingly, “Just give me a ring.”

“…Will she be little?”

“Um..” Amanda tried her best not to burst out laughing at her son’s (very valid) question, “Not really, banana cake, she’s a grownup like me. But she can still be your friend..?”

“Does she like movies?” Ben questioned, “We can have movie night..”

“You know what? I don’t know,” she admitted, enthusiasm shining through in her voice, “we could ask her when she gets here..?”

“Okay.” Benjamin nodded nonchalantly- from whatever Amanda had gathered through their ten-minute conversation about staying with a babysitter, her son did not in any way seem phased by the idea of a total stranger spending the evening with him.

“I’m gonna call her now, okay?” Amanda clarified one last time- she would prioritise Ben’s comfort over her own acting career any day..

“Mhm.” he agreed, then lit up, “Say-.. say can she bring cookies!”

“I-..” Amanda cut herself off with a chuckle, “I don’t think she can bring cookies, baby.”

Turns out, Amanda was wrong.

A good half-hour later, a short brunette knocked on her door with a tin of chocolate-chip cookies in-hand and the warmest smile Amanda had ever seen. 

“I’m here for Amanda Lehan Canto,” she informed the taller woman once she’d cracked open the door, “am I in the right place?”

The craziest part was that Amanda hadn’t even asked for cookies- “Sorry, if you have any kind of allergies let me know, I just thought it’d be nice to bring them, I baked them this morning..” the woman explained as she removed her shoes and cardigan, leaving her in some loose jeans and a pink t-shirt that read ‘Protect Trans Kids’. Another swivel of trust lit up in Amanda’s chest. “They’re vegan if that helps..” she added.

Thankfully, Ben had zero allergies to anything (at least for now, Amanda really hoped it’d stay that way) and was more than delighted to drag Angela all the way to the living room to flick through their collection of Disney and Pixar CDs after a few shy ‘hello’s. It seemed Ben had decided to take the whole ‘this is a new friend’ thing very seriously- even letting Angela hold his prized katana toy. He was also apparently hellbent on making ‘movie night’ happen. A TV junkie just like his mom, Amanda grinned

In all honesty, Amanda had never really seen him warm up to someone so quickly. He’d always been the least problematic kid imaginable, but he was usually a little more reserved when it came to strangers- maybe her little ‘making friends’ speech before kindergarten this morning really inspired him. Or maybe he was just growing up.

Amanda hated that thought, though, and decided to settle on the former as she checked Angela’s documents, explained more about Ben’s routine and parted with her little bundle of curls with a thousand nose boops and kisses. Amanda really didn’t have time to overthink things, she told herself, she needed to leave now now if she was gonna make it to her callback at all. It was a miracle Angela had gotten here as quickly as she did.

(She did, however, overthink things in the fifteen-or-so minutes it took to reach the audition space.)

Angela had probably never met a sweeter kid in her life, she concluded, and she’d met a lot of kids.

“Do you want half?” he’d just asked her for the millionth time this evening as he lifted another cookie from the tin towards her face, 

“I’m all good, bud,” she smiled, “thanks. You’re super cool for being so sharing, though.”

“Okay.” Ben shrugged nonchalantly, then focused his attention back on the events of ‘Zootopia’ playing out on the movie screen. Angela had probably watched it 60 times by now- kids really loved that movie- she could honestly quote all the lines if she tried.

“Will mama come back in the night?”

“She’ll be back soon, I’m sure- and hey, I’m here while we wait,” she tried to comfort the kid, “she’s got a biiig audition.”

“A audition?”

“Mhm,” she giggled at his confusion, “It’s like.. a test to get inside a movie- actors have to go through it.”

Ben’s mouth fell agape, then he pointed at the TV seemingly inspecting it closer, “Inside there?”

Angela bit her lip to stop from bursting out laughing, “Well.. kind of.”

Ben scrunched up his nose in confusion, “But how will she get back..?”

“You booked it?!”

“I booked it!” Amanda squealed to a cheering Chanse on the loudspeaker as she stopped her car at a red light, “I literally- I literally booked it, I feel crazy!”

“Girl of course you did!” Amanda could almost hear Chanse roll his eyes, “You’re talented as hell, when are you gonna accept that?”

“Oh I’ve accepted it.” Amanda laughed, “Trust me, I’ve accepted it. Watch me turn into the biggest diva you know by tomorrow.”

“Nice try bitch,” Chanse teased, “No one’s out diva-ing me.”

“Oh shut up..” she shook her head, though her voice was amused,

“So..?” Chanse prompted, “I assume you ended up calling Angela.”

“Mhm,” Amanda sighed- she’d also called Angela twice before they called her into the audition room just to make sure things were going smoothly, but Chanse didn’t need to know that. She was embarrassed enough about her occasional helicopter-mom tendencies, though today none of those mattered because it was the first time Ben had been left alone with a babysitter that wasn’t a close friend of Amanda’s. She had the right to be worried.

“And..?”

Amanda lifted an eyebrow, “And?”

“I don’t know, like, how is she? How’s Bean?”

Amanda rolled her eyes, “Chanse I literally asked you to stop calling Ben ‘Bean’, he’s gonna start telling people that’s his name again.”

“In my defence, he only did that twice,” Chanse rebutted, his voice way too amused for her liking, “and also , it was cute.”

Amanda shook her head with a chuckle, “Idiot.” 

Amanda was surprised to step through the door to her apartment to find the short brunette drying the dishes she’d left in the sink in all the chaos of today,

“Oh you- you didn’t have to do that,” she insisted, setting her bag and keys on the kitchen counter, “I was just gonna do them when I got back..”

“It’s no big deal,” Angela smiled kindly, “not much babysitting to do when the kiddo’s asleep.”

Amanda’s eyes widened, her voice hushed, “Wait he’s asleep?”

“Yeah,” the shorter woman nodded nonchalantly, placing the last dried plate into the cupboard, “we didn’t even get through the whole movie- so much for movie night.” she joked, “He said he was sleepy so we got ready for bed- I don’t really know what his usual bedtime is since you said to wait for you, but he was drifting off on the couch so I thought...”

Amanda blinked, “And.. he just fell asleep?”

“Well, I told him a few bedtime stories about when I used to do dog sitting, but yeah pretty much.” she recounted simply, “Oh and he also said to tell you that he loves you. He said, and I quote, ‘it’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery important.’”

Amanda couldn’t believe it- it was hard enough getting Ben to sleep when she was there- she’d fully expected to find the pair still curled up on the couch. She cautiously walked over to Ben’s bedroom door and cracked it open slightly, spotting the kid with his arms sprawled out messily and his belly raising up and down as he huffed happily in his sleep. He’d also kicked off the covers- of course he had- Amanda walked into the space and adjusted them to make sure he didn’t get cold, then parted with a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“He’s a really sweet kid.” Angela noted gently, pulling her cardigan over her t-shirt as Amanda walked her closer to the door,

“I got really lucky.” Amanda smiled at the floor, she really really had .

“Or maybe you just raised him well,” Angela offered with an encouraging wink, “give yourself some credit.”

“Yeah right..” Amanda shook her head, “it feels like he raised me sometimes. I wouldn’t be who I am without my baby.”

“I’m sure he feels the same way,” Angela chimed in, tying her Vans. It was then that Amanda noticed the rainbow shoelaces, a small smile emerging on her face, “he asked me to pause Zootopia during the ‘bogberries’ scenes to talk about the blueberry pancakes ‘mama’ makes him. He made sure to point out yours were not poisonous, though, even though they look similar,” Angela rambled, “which I appreciate, because honestly I was about to call officer Hopps on you.”

Amanda laughed, “Not officer Hopps!” she gasped sarcastically, “I can’t believe he made you watch Zootopia again, we watched it twice last week..”

“Hey hey,” Angela defended, “it’s a good movie. It’s many kids’ top choice, and trust me, I’d know.”

“I was gonna ask,” the taller woman leaned beside the doorframe, “how busy are you just.. on a regular basis?”

“Um,” Angela threw her tote bag on her shoulder, “not too busy, these twins I used to babysit just moved states so I’ve got a lot more time now.” she fidgeted with the strap of the bag, her eyes tracing Amanda’s hair before she looked down at her shoes, “I watch a couple of younger kids during the day, but I’m free in the afternoons except Fridays. Why, is another rewatch of Zootopia on the horizon?” she joked,

“Honestly, probably,” Amanda shook her head with a chuckle, “No I just.. I booked the role and-”

“You booked the role?!” Angela whisper yelled, taking a step closer to the taller woman, “Congrats dude! That’s amazing!”

“Thanks..” Amanda tried her best not to blush, she wasn’t a stranger to compliments, but this much excitement from someone she’d met just this evening was really heartwarming. It felt like Angela’s face wasn’t made for concealing any kind of joy, and somehow it reminded Amanda of sunshine, “It’s for this indie feature, so it’s not a high-end production or anything, but it’s my first feature and I really wanna make all the rehearsals..”

“I got you.” Angela assured with so much confidence it was hard for Amanda not to smile, “I literally got you. Just give me a ring, I’d love to watch Ben again sometime.”

“That’s.. That would be a lifesaver, actually.” Amanda admitted, her voice earnest, “Thank you so much, and thank you again for today- you literally saved my ass.”

“Hey, like I said- anytime.” Angela gave Amanda a bright, toothy smile, “Just give me a ring.”

And Amanda would, she decided as she finally got herself into bed- her hair wet from the shower, her body finally relaxing after a day that felt like it lasted a lifetime. She so so would. Because this Angela was nice, she was kind, and honestly, she was trustworthy.

“Angela says I have to clean my teefs for three minutes.” Ben declared to a sleepy Amanda the next morning as they got ready for school, “You have to put on music.”

“Music?” Amanda mumbled, her own toothbrush in her mouth obscuring her words,

“Aha.” he nodded, “music for three minutes.” Ben explained, “so we can do a teef party!”

Amanda blinked at her son, she would be laughing right now but she’d probably choke on her toothpaste. Obeying, she pulled out her phone to start playing a song of as close to three minutes as she could find- which ended up being ‘Walking on Sunshine’ by Katrina and The Waves. It seemed to do the trick if Ben’s enthusiastic grooving was anything to go by. She wondered what else Angela had told him, ever since she’d blinked awake to his nose boops before her alarm could even go off, Ben seemed adamant on explaining every single event that had transpired last night. Amanda was honestly grateful for that, she liked to know what was going on, especially because it was the first time she’d left him alone with someone she didn’t know. But the more she heard, the less worried she was- Ben was thriving .

“Mama!” he tapped her leg, “you have to dance!” 

Amanda grinned down at him, “Oh you’re not ready!” she chuckled, toothpaste dripping down to her chin- fuck it, fun was messy- “You are not ready, little guy!”

Then, to the wonderful chorus ringing ‘I'm walking on sunshine, wooah ’ she burst into the biggest, goofiest dance moves she could muster- her arms flailing, her feet tapping, her hand reaching out to spin Benji around and around until he was giggling so hard there was toothpaste all over his pyjama shirt. Amanda didn’t mind- if it were up to her, every morning would be like this, and maybe it should - this whole ‘teeth dance party’ thing woke her up better than coffee could, and that was saying something. 

And honestly, Amanda thought the Angela talk would probably dry out by the time they reached kindergarten, that maybe Benjamin would’ve found something else to babble about, but she was wrong. He told her that apparently the woman has a tiny dog that wears clothes, that she was a witch once ‘for school’ (Amanda assumed he meant some form of musical), and that apparently, she loved to sing. Somehow, that made so much sense to Amanda.

“Can it be movie night today?” Ben asked as they walked towards his classroom, the chatter of the other kids filling the colourful hall, “We can.. can ask Angela again..”

Amanda’s chest swelled- this woman had to really know her way with kids, “Not today, baby, uncle Chansey is picking you up today.”

“Okay..” he nodded, though his voice seemed hesitant, “But we can do movie night all.. alls of us..?”

“Awwww baby,” Amanda kneeled down beside him in the doorway to the classroom, “Mama’s so proud of you for being so caring- maybe Angela can come over another time, okay? She’s got lots of other little ones she looks after..”

“That’s okay.” Ben shrugged nonchalantly, “She’s my friend.”

Amanda bit down her grin, “That’s awesome, banana cake.”

Just then, the little blonde girl Amanda had noticed yesterday peeked out her head from the classroom, “Hiiiiiiii…” she waved at Ben, Amanda noticed the two front teeth very much missing from the little girl’s smile, she wondered how she could speak so coherently,

“Poppy!” Ben lit up, running over to her, “Mama that’s Poppy!” he yelled over to Amanda, who couldn’t contain her smile at this point. She wondered how it was possible to fit this much pride in her chest, 

“Hi Poppy!” She waved at the little girl, who waved back at her enthusiastically as Amanda got off of the floor, “I’ll see you later, Benjamin, you have a good day!”

“I loves you!” he beamed with another attempt at blowing a kiss,

“Mama loves you too!” 

And with that, Amanda was off.

“A teeth party?!” Chanse choked out a laugh, “What the fuck is a teeth party?”

“A party you have while brushing your teeth, apparently.” Amanda explained as she bit down her salad. Chanse had surprised her at work with lunch as an apology for yesterday’s change of plans, and now they sat soaking in the sunlight on a bench outside the Stella Mag office.

“Can’t believe I wasn’t invited.” he shook his head jokingly,

“It’s good you weren’t,” Amanda teased, “knowing you, you’d have tried to network with the toothbrushes..”

“And I bet my ass I’d have gotten their numbers!” Chanse sassed,

Amanda burst into laughter.

“So,” the angelic man bit into his fries, “I assume Ben had a good time.”

“Oh yeah ,” Amanda nodded with a chuckle, “Didn’t stop talking about Angela all morning, he even asked if she was gonna come again tonight.”

“Wow..” Chanse seemed genuinely impressed, “what happened to my shy little baby?”

“I think going to school is really helping him get more confident,” Amanda noted, pulling her sunglasses up to her forehead like a headband, “He made a friend there too, Poppy. She’s very sweet,” Amanda sipped her water, “and very toothless.”

Chanse snorted, “Poor kid, at least they grow back.” he suggested, “If we lose ours, it’s over for us.”

“Over for you, maybe.” Amanda sighed nonchalantly, “My toothless ass is gonna keep slaying.”

Her best friend cackled, “Slay queen!”

Amanda’s first rehearsal had been a disaster. And trust her, she knew what disasters looked like, she’d been acting for nine years now. 

The director was a kid, really. Well, Amanda didn’t like to judge people, she’d also worked with a bunch of younger directors before, but it seemed this guy- Jonah- had clearly not garnered enough experience under his belt to run a smooth production. She wondered how on earth he’d got the funding for a feature until the producer walked in and called him ‘son’. Apparently he ran a production company together with some big-shot from Hollywood, Mike Slumber (yes, that was really his name), and had convinced him to fund his son’s directorial debut- at least that’s what her castmate had said. Amanda wondered if he’d even read the script. It was a mess, honestly, and nothing like the brief had outlined throughout all the auditions. The script was completely different too- they’d used a placeholder which wasn’t that uncommon in the industry, except this placeholder had an entirely different plot. To make matters worse, Jonah had explained to their small cast that the final script of the movie was still being ‘rehashed’ and ‘polished’, so whatever they’d rehearsed could be subject to change. Amanda loved acting, that’s why she’d kept trying to climb the industry ladder over and over again. She did not, however, love disasters.

At least her castmates were nice. Well.. chaotic and nice. She didn’t get to bond with all of them, but her scenes were with Olivia, probably the craziest woman she’d ever met. Amanda played Miriam, a struggling stepmother after her husband, Ryan, got sentenced for fund embezzlement at his workplace, leaving her alone to care for her step-daughter Amber. But honestly, the way Olivia played Amber made it really hard for her to pretend to struggle. At one point, Jonah had them read a scene about Amber getting drunk despite being underage, to which Amanda was supposed to give an angry lecture, but anytime Olivia opened her mouth, Amanda wanted to burst out laughing. The thing is- she was amazing . Amazingly hilarious. But the lines were so badly written that anything she said sounded like it was written by a baby having an existential crisis. Yeah, Amanda didn’t know what that meant either.

“You can’t be angry at me!” Olivia had yelled at her in character, “I only drank because you’re stupid!”

“How dare you call me stupid, I’m the only person here for you!” Amanda was supposed to say, but instead had lifted her hand in the air apologetically and mumbled a small, “I’m- I’m sorry.. can we start from the top?”

This script was actually going to be the death of her. 

She felt stupid saying those lines, she felt stupid trying to take it seriously, and she felt even worse for having thought this film was going to be something special. With the way things were going right now, she wondered if they’d even have a production.

The worst part, though, was when Jonah asked to speak to her at the end of rehearsal. He sat down backwards in his chair and clapped his hands before he started, 

“Amanda, here’s the thing,” he began, his lips tight, “I know you’re talented, I’ve seen some of your stuff, but there’s just something.. off today.” he squinted his face apologetically, Amanda was going to whack him, “You know- when I saw you in the auditions, it was just.. It was a different world, you know? I just don’t think you’re giving the script enough importance, and that’s a shame.”

‘The script doesn’t deserve importance!’ Amanda wanted to yell at him, ‘It’s ass! This is a fucking shitshow and getting lectured by an amateur director is making it worse!’

She didn’t say that, though. Instead she said she was finding it hard to digest the material of the script, to which Jonah seemed more understanding, but only because he believed it was so ‘avant garde’ that it could take a while for it to ‘sink in’ for less experienced actors. 

“It’s okay though,” he’d tapped her shoulder, “I’m sure you’ll get it soon! Just keep reading it over, and I’ll see you tomorrow!” he winked at her, it took the taller woman everything she had not to kick him. God he was insufferable .

And now she was stuck in standstill traffic. Amanda was going to lose her goddamn mind. No, you know what? It was good actually, that the drive would take longer. Maybe that way she can cool down, maybe that way she can regain some semblance over her emotions before she sees her son so the poor kid doesn’t have to be worried about why mama is ‘sad’. Fuck.

Amanda lowered her head, leaning it against the steering wheel which let out a small honk. Hilarious , Amanda thought, that’s exactly what the inside of my mind sounds like . 

It really shouldn’t get to her as much as it did. Sure, Jonah sucked, but maybe he’d learn? After all, this was his first gig, everyone’s gotta start somewhere right? It was just.. his confidence. His cocky, patronising confidence. It made Amanda feel small. Which was crazy because she had years of experience in the industry- with good, bad, sad, and mad directors- the whole ass collection, but something about seeing this fresh-out-of-college kid command around experienced crew while his daddy stood in the corner shoving money up his ass made Amanda feel sick. How, after years of working, had even the one good thing she looked forward to turned into a complete shitshow? Amanda’s eyes stung with tears.

Her phone rang, it had to be Chanse. She answered it barely glancing at the thing, her brain preoccupied with keeping her tears in, then put it on speakerphone,

“Chanse, I’m actually at a breaking point right now.” she mumbled, her voice exhausted, “Can I talk to you when I get home?”

“Uh-” a female voice stuttered, Amanda froze, “-s-sorry, this is Angela- I babysat Ben..?”

Shit.

Amanda cleared her throat, opting to pretend none of that happened, “Heyy, Angela!” she greeted as giddily as she could, hurriedly wiping a small tear with her palm, "How are you?"

“I’m.. I’m good.” she hesitated, “Sorry this isn’t uh.. it’s none of my business but.. are you okay?” Angela asked gently, the lump in Amanda’s throat expanded, her eyes continuing to tear up despite how hard she tried to keep them at bay, “It’s just your voice sounds..”

Amanda tried to sniffle as quietly as she could, “All good.”

“Okay..” Angela answered, clearly unconvinced, “Okay uh.. I’m sorry to ring you so late, I was just calling to check if you needed me anytime this week?” she shuffled on her end of the line, “A couple called about watching their toddler, but I told them I’ll let them know. I just thought I’d check in with you first in case.. you know..” Angela trailed off, Amanda wondered if it was obvious she was crying,

“That’s really kind of you.” she tried to note sweetly, but her voice broke in the middle of the sentence. She should hang up.

“Yeah I mean..” the other woman seemed to be attempting to piece something together to distract from the silence and Amanda’s obvious sniffles, but she was failing miserably, “I’m- I’m so sorry, are you sure you’re okay? I just.. I can hear you crying and like.. I just hope you’re okay.”

Somehow, that punched Amanda right in the chest. Her breath escaped her, her vision blurred with her tears (thank God for LA’s standstill traffic, she wouldn't need to be looking at anything anytime soon). Her hands shook as she tried to dry her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater,  and she couldn’t stop the deep sob escaping her lips.

“Hey, hey..” Angela tried to calm her through the speaker, “I got you, what’s going on?”

Amanda couldn’t really speak, her lip quivering as she tried to catch her breath,

“Okay uh..” the other woman tried to think, her voice dripping with concern, “How about- would it help if I told you about my day?”

Amanda fished out a tissue from the car door pocket, “Mhm.” was all she could manage as she wiped her relentless tears,

“Okay!” Angela noted, “Okay so..” she cleared her throat, “today I babysat this newborn for a client of mine- she had to leave for a job interview. So here I am with this newborn-  she’s a month old- and we’re just having a good time. I put a nature documentary on the TV and just carried her around- we were having a blast - I’m serious, she didn’t cry once until I turned it off.” Amanda could hear Angela smile into her words, thankfully, she could finally see the traffic more clearly. She fished out another tissue.

“And so time comes to change her diaper- like any loyal babysitter I do my due diligence-” Angela joked, 

“And it’s all fine, you know. Nothing too serious, I take it off and wash her up, I’m a professional.” Angela declared, Amanda couldn’t help her emerging watery smile, “But boy was I unprepared for what was coming for me. So I reach over to get a new diaper, and right when I turn around I hear this..” Angela could barely contain her giggles at this point, “this like.. riiiiiiiiiip .” Amanda gasped, covering her face with her hand, “I was mortified , okay?” Angela’s giggles were spilling into her words, “Something just happened . Something occurred .”

Finally, a gentle laugh escaped Amanda- this was insane . It seemed to have encouraged Angela’s storytelling, the woman continuing to explain the events with even more grandiose, “And when I tell you-” Angela cackled, “-I turn around, and there’s just shit everywhere . I’m talking hot lava. I’m talking waterfall , you get me?” she blabbered, Amanda was wheezing at this point, “I’m talking downpour .”

“Got it!” the taller woman managed in between trying to catch her breath,

“So there I am. Cleaning up shit from the baby changing station and the floor and the towels and the baby..” Angela recounted, “And you know what, now I’m chilling on my couch, having a glass of Prosecco to celebrate that this day is fucking over .” 

“Wow..” Amanda chuckled, “That’s.. yeah.” she shook her head, drying her face for the final time, “The newborn stage is something else.”

“Tell me about it.” Angela seemed to nod along, then, after a small pause, “You um.. you feeling a better now?”

In the insanity of the story, Amanda had honestly forgotten the embarrassment of sobbing her heart out to her son’s babysitter she’d met once .

“Yeah..” Amanda mumbled quietly, “Yeah, thank you.” she sniffled, “You really helped me out. I just.. I had the first rehearsal for the film today and it was.. a mess to say the least.”

“That sucks.” Angela empathised, her voice crackly over the speaker, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah well..” Amanda trailed off, a smile playing at her lips, “At least I didn’t have to clean lava shit..”

“Hey!” Angela protested, her voice amused, “Hey I told you that in confidence , I told you that to make you feel better !” she laughed, “You can’t just use it as ammo.”

“Okay okay..” Amanda chuckled, “I’m stopping I promise.” then another thought tickled her mind, “You know what didn’t stop though? The poop–”

“--I’m done!” Angela snickered, “I’ll literally hang up!”

Amanda could barely speak, her stomach aching, “No wait!”

“ Amanda .” Chanse stared at her in shock, putting on his hoodie by the door, “And you didn’t just hang up?!”

“I couldn’t , I just..” she shook her head, waving her hand dismissively, “Whatever, let's forget about it.”

“That’s crazy ..” he chuckled, “You’re crazy .”

“Listen, at least it made me feel better.” 

“Whatever helps, queen.” he shrugged, Amanda loved Chanse.

“Thank you for staying with Benjie while I rehearse, you know I love you right?”

“I know.” he reached out to squeeze Amanda’s palm, “And I love you so much too,  but I can't do tomorrow anymore. Is that okay?"

“Mama..” a small voice echoed through the kitchen, the pair turned to find Ben wiping his barely open eyes by his bedroom door, 

“You're still up?” she asked Ben gently,

“You know how he is..” Chanse sighed, “I really tried, but he said he wouldn’t go to sleep without mama.”

Ben waddled over to the pair by the doorway, his feet pattering on the kitchen tile, “Is it.. is it mornim?”

“No baby,” Amanda’s heart fluttered for the little tired boy, she leaned down to scoop him into her arms, Ben clung to her like an octopus, “no it’s definitely nighttime. It’s sleep time, banana cake.”

“Bye Bean!” Chanse waved at the little boy, but his eyes were shutting, his head propped against Amanda’s gentle shoulder,

“Say bye uncle Chansey.” Amanda prompted, but quickly realised the kid was fast asleep. She waved Chanse off herself, then carried her baby to his bedroom and lay him gently onto his bed, adjusting the covers. 

“I love you, honey.” she uttered to him, running her hands through his curls, “Sweet dreams.”

Surprisingly, the second day of rehearsals did not sting as badly as the first one. But that was for one reason and one reason only- Jonah the cocky director and his producer dad had a full on yelling match on set. In any other circumstances, it would have made Amanda’s day worse , but this was.. This was a movie in itself.

Apparently having talked to his producer buddy, the dad became convinced his son wasn’t cut out for the job. She didn’t know who decided to give him this reality check, but she was so glad they did, because now it was looking like they’d have to replace the director.

“This is actually a sitcom..” Olivia had whispered to her as they sat in the corner during the ‘break’ and watched the family drama unfold, “I swear it’s gonna cut to a drone shot of the city.”

“Pfff,” Amanda snickered, “that’s a full-on soap, honey.”

“Could be a horror film if one of them pulled out a chainsaw.” Olivia noted,

Amanda blinked, “What?”

“What?” 

Amanda loved Olivia.

Another good thing about today was that she’d agreed with Ben’s school that Angela would pick him up and take him home- something that made Chanse particularly happy. He’d blissfully tossed his spare keys at her, obviously overjoyed to hand his babysitting role over to someone else for a change. Chanse loved Ben, they were family at this point, but maybe she’d underestimated just how often she’d asked him to dip on his plans to help out with him. Chanse honestly needed a break, especially with his show coming up. Besides, Benjamin seemed to enjoy Angela’s company.

“You.. you takes this,” Benjamin explained to Angela as they lay on the carpet of the living room, dividing his army of stuffed toys, “And I take Koko.”

“Gotcha.” Angela nodded, taking the little stuffed octopus from his hands, “And.. how exactly do we play this game?”

“It’s your baby.” he explained simply,

Angela waited for more instructions, but apparently none were coming. She decided to just copy whatever Benjamin was doing and hoped it’d mean she joined the game. The kid lifted his little stuffed penguin into his arms and carried it caringly around the kitchen, showing it the tall buildings outside the windows. Angela followed him, pretending to tap on the glass with each one of her octopus’ legs, making Ben giggle. Finally, he lay on the couch, holding ‘Koko’ tightly as me mumbled loving words at him,

“I loves you Koko..” the kid poked the penguin’s beak, “You can live here with.. with me and mama and Chansey..”

Angela raised a brow in curiosity, “Is chansey a pokemon, bud?”

“No,” the kid shook his head, “Chansey is my.. my family. Mama loves Chansey.”

Hm , Angela wondered. She’d never ask about her clients’ personal lives, she liked to stay respectful and honestly, she’d met so many vastly different ones by now she knew families came in all shapes and sizes. But the way Ben spoke about ‘Chansey’ made it seem like they were really close with Amanda, she wondered if they were partners. It was none of her business, of course, and she should probably stop thinking about it.

“Hey you have to..” Ben tapped her shoulder, pointing at the stuffed octopus in her arms, “You have to say you loves him.”

Yep, Angela should stop thinking about it.

Amanda got home a little earlier than expected since the rehearsal had been cut short. Thankfully, the traffic was kinder to her today too, so the drive wasn’t exhausting, and honestly her memories of the messy scandal on set kept her thoughts occupied for most of the journey.

She entered the apartment to the sound of faint music and giggles, something that made her immediately raise an eyebrow and walk gently towards the noise after she shut the door. She stepped closer and closer, until she could finally make out the lyrics of ‘Walking on Sunshine’ eminating from the bathroom, accompanied by Ben’s little squeals and a beautiful alto voice singing along. Angela. Ben had said Angela loves to sing, and damn the girl could sing . Amanda thought about opening the door to peek inside their assumed ‘teeth brushing party’, but then she thought it might just interrupt the whole thing. Instead, she leaned by the doorway and listened closely to the fun unfolding inside. After lots more singing and what sounded like toothbrushes being knocked over followed by childish cackles, the song faded out into silence. 

“Look!” Amanda could hear Ben squeal happily, “My teeths are so clean!”

“Woah!” Angela seemed to play along, “C’mon, give me a smile, bud.” she prompted, “You’re shining, buddy! You sure you didn’t put glitter in your toothpaste?”

“Noooo!” Ben giggled, “I just have.. I have a teef party!”

“Woooo!” Angela cheered, “Alright, you ready for bed now, or do you need the bathroom?”

“I’m ready!” Ben chimed,

“Okay then, better hop on the airplane because it’s about to take off in three.. two…”

“Eeeee!’ Ben squealed, Angela laughed,

Amanda decided now was the right time to announce herself, despite how wholesome it was hearing Angela and Ben having the time of their lives. She reached out her hand and gently knocked on the bathroom door, which promptly creaked open to reveal a grinning Ben clinging to Angela’s back- she was giving him a piggyback ride out of the bathroom and around the living room. Amanda couldn’t help but marvel at the two when Angela stretched out her arms to imitate an airplane, making buzzing sounds as she whirled around the coffee table and then back towards Amanda,

“Look mama!” Ben yelled, pointing at his smile, “Look at my teefs!”

“Wow, Benjie!” she gasped, her smile so bit it was making it hard for her to speak, “You cleaned them so well!”

“We had a party!” he announced proudly,

“Oh yeah?” Amanda giggled, leaning over to place a smooch on his cheek, 

“Yeah!” he nodded, then reached out his finger to poke Angela on the cheek, “Angela says it’s sleep time now..”

“That’s right,” she nodded, adjusting Ben on her back, then pretended to pull out a fake PA system mic, “Kch.ch.. Goooooood evening folks, this is your captain speaking, it looks like we’re about to land in uhhhhhhh sleepy-ville. The weather outside is goodnight degrees fahrenheit- thank you for flying with Angela airlines.” she mumbled into the ‘speaker’, then took off into Ben’s bedroom, “Now lay down, relax, and sweet dreams..”

“Again again!” Amanda could hear Ben cheer as she followed them into the bedroom,

“Mama can you do a airplane?” he asked having spotted her approaching him now laying snugly in bed, 

“No baby, it’s bedtime okay?” She leaned down to adjust his covers as Ben hugged his octopus plushie- the kid could not go without that toy- “Maybe in the morning, honey.”

“Okay.” Ben yawned, 

“You get all snuggly while I walk Angela out, okay?” Amanda ran her hands through her son’s curls, “Say bye to Angela.”

“Bye bye..” he waved at her sleepily, 

Angela bit down a smile, “See ya, bud.”

The pair chatted gently as Angela collected her things from the kitchen counter, then walked towards the door to put on her shoes and denim jacket. That’s when she seemed to spot the framed picture by the doorframe- a grinning Chanse, Amanda, and baby Ben in his arms with the beach behind them..

“That’s..” Angela hovered over the frame,  “That’s such a cute picture, you guys look adorable.” she complimented, 

“This?” Amanda looked over at the photograph, reminiscing,  “We went to the Santa Monica pier, it was gorgeous.. Chanse and I got so sunburned, though..”

Angela’s eyes twinkled kindly, “You guys are such a sweet family.”

Amanda raised a brow. “Oh we’re not-..” she chuckled at the valid misunderstanding, “Chanse is my best friend here in LA, I’ve known him for seven years. Ben calls him uncle Chansey, so we are family, just.. not in that way. Me and Ben’s dad don’t speak.”

“Oh.” Angela mumbled, cheeks heating up in embarrassment at bringing up this topic at all, “Sorry.. Ben said- I-I thought you and Chanse were..”

“Nope..” Amanda laughed, “He um..  plays for the other team..”

“Gotcha.” Angela nodded, her eyes inadvertently falling to her own rainbow shoelaces, Amanda swallowed,

“So anyway-” she cleared her throat, “-thank you so much for tonight. See you Monday?”

“Yep.” Angela nodded, her smile shy.

But just when she was about to shut the door, Amanda peeked out into the hallway, “And um..” Angela stopped by the elevator, turning to face her, “Thank you so much for the other day, listening to you really helped so..”

“Don’t mention it.” the shorter brunette shoved a curl behind her ear, “Always here.”

And with that, she was gone.

Try as she might, though, Amanda couldn’t fall sleep. Her mind kept replaying Ben’s giggles and Angela’s smiles, their conversation, her rainbow shoelaces..

“Sorry.. I-I thought you and Chanse were..”

Amanda shuffled onto her side, she could see how it looked that way, especially with the photograph and whatever Ben had apparently been blabbering to Angela about their lives. The thing was, though, she didn’t even know if she would want someone like that. A partner. Amanda had raised Ben on her own- with a very supportive network of friends and family by her side- but still. It had been years since she’d even thought about it, about letting someone into her life. Because the truth was, it wasn’t just her life she’d be letting them into, it was Benjamin’s too. And she loved him way too much to have strangers cycle through left and right, disturbing his sense of stability. And yeah, maybe that made Amanda cynical- she could date someone in secret or not introduce them to Ben for a while, but that just.. felt wrong. He was such a big part of her life, it felt like if whoever Amanda dated didn’t know him, they wouldn’t be able to understand her fully either. Whatever, Amanda was fine anyway. She had her friends, she had her job and her acting, and most importantly- she had her baby.

And now she had Angela.

Amanda’s lips unwittingly curled into a smile, the thought of which equally confused and mortified her. It was just because she was so good with Ben, Amanda told herself. And she was so kind, and when Ben booped her, she smiled like-..

Amanda should go to sleep.

The next week passed with much less hatchet. Amanda was grateful for that, albeit a little disappointed that her family drama sitcom had come to an end. Thankfully though, the production disaster was over and the ‘producer dad’ introduced Jonah’s replacement- a short-haired blonde woman named Courtney.

So far, today had been one of the best rehearsals of her life- and Amanda had been to many rehearsals. Courtney just.. got it? They were such a kind director, and their style of letting the cast rework the lines and alter them if they felt too unnatural made the whole script immensely more coherent. Amanda was thankful for that, she could honestly not stand delivering another cringe-worthy, cynical lecture to Olivia. Speaking of Olivia, apparently her and Courtney were childhood friends, which made the set feel even more like family. 

Amanda was packing away her script at the end of rehearsal when someone’s phone dinged on the table. She looked over to and noticed the wallpaper- a little blonde girl. Toothless.

“Hey that’s-” she pointed at the phone, spotting Courtney walking up to pick it up from the table, “sorry, is that your daughter?”

Courtney looked at Amanda with a warm smile, “Yeah, actually. Her name is-”

“-Poppy?” she grinned, “My son goes to the same kindergarten.”

“No way, is your son Ben?” Courtney gasped, Amanda nodded, “Poppy said he’s also known as ‘banana cake’- which she found  hilarious, by the way.”

“Yeah that’s..” Amanda smiled at the floor, “I have silly nicknames for him.”

“I get you,” the blonde nodded, “I call Poppy ‘popcorn’ all the time, my husband calls her ‘bubbles’ cause ‘they pop’” she gestured the quotation marks with her fingers, “and it kinda sounds like ‘Poppy’, which is.. stupid but endearing.”

“Cute!” Amanda complimented, “Really.. creative.”

“Yeah..” Courtney sighed, “He reads a lot so of course he’s gotta go all out and create metaphors..” she shook her head, “Show off.” Amanda smiled at their adorable dynamic, she could tell from the way Courtney was glowing that it was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. “Anyway, Shayne’s got this big production now-”

Shayne . Amanda’s mind dinged, “Is he part of Cityfolk?” she interrupted,

“Yes,” Courtney nodded, then squinted in confusion, “wait how did you know that?”

“My best friend, Chanse, is part of it too. Crazy story but, Shayne was actually the one who gave me Angela’s number- you know the babysitter..?”

“Oh Angela,” Courtney’s eyes lit up in recognition, “She’s great, honestly! I’ve got my mom staying with us now so she looks after Poppy, but Angela’s our go-to for sure.” then, after a moment, “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve spoken to Shayne- small world, huh?”

“Yep,” Amanda nodded happily, “small world.”

That’s exactly how worlds should be, her mind decided. Small and tight and filled with the closest of friends. Warm…

When she got home that night, she found Angela asleep on the couch. She was debating even waking her up, but her clumsy fingers dropped her keys on the kitchen tile, pulling the small brunette from her slumber.

“Sorry..” Amanda muttered quietly, taking a seat beside her as she rubbed her eyes to wipe away the sleepiness, “You.. you can stay here if you like? I don’t know how safe it is for you to drive right now, wouldn’t want you falling asleep at the wheel..”

“No, it’s all good,” Angela yawned, getting up from the couch, “I’ve got to feed Spork, my dog, so I gotta get home. Sorry I.. I really didn’t mean to fall asleep, Ben drifted off an hour ago and I thought I’d just sit on the couch for a bit and then..”

Amanda chuckled sweetly, “Don’t even worry about it, you watch crazy, bouncing kids all day- you deserve some rest.”

“Thanks..” Angela mumbled, pulling on her hoodie, “Sometimes I forget how much energy it takes, you know..?”

“I know..” Amanda nodded softly, God knew she’d forgotten herself, countless times.. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself too, though..” Angela looked up at her cautiously, timidly, “You deserve it..”

For a split second, Amanda could swear she saw Angela’s eyes glimmer as they widened at her words. Then, after a moment of hesitation, the smaller brunette stepped forward, pulling Amanda into a soft hug. Amanda didn’t really know why she’d done it- maybe she was just sleepy and Amanda was a soft surface to lean her head against. She could feel the other woman sigh into the embrace, though, like her body became lighter somehow. She lifted her thumb to trace circles on her back, and for a moment, the world fell still..

“You do give ‘hug-me’ vibes though, you’re like, safe ..” Chanse declared biting into his burger- it seemed lunch dates were their most common meeting places now when both of them were so busy, “I could totally see why she hugged you.”

“I know I just..” Amanda trailed off, her sentences not seeming to stick together in her scattered mind, “Does that mean we’re.. friends?”

“I don’t know,” Chanse shrugged nonchalantly, “maybe you should just ask her. Take a page out of Ben’s book.”

“Yeah right..” Amanda rolled her eyes, “Hey Angela, do you wanna be my friend?”

“What’s wrong with that?” he objected, 

“Everything!” Amanda protested, 

“I don’t know..” Chanse shook his head, his gaze suspicious- Amanda knew that look, “I think you really wanna be Angela’s friend.. Like reaaaaally bad.. or else you wouldn’t be freaking out like this..”

“What does that even mean , Chanse?” Amanda laughed, her voice defensive, “What do you mean ?”

Either way, they never talked about it again- the hug.

It happened only once and that’s probably the way it should stay- Amanda was Angela’s employer, anyway. And they had boundaries and whatnot. And also, Angela was probably just sleepy- people do silly things when they’re sleepy. Like hug you and hold you close and breathe out like their life became lighter in your embrace..

Anyway, Amanda certainly wasn’t going to think about it. She liked Angela, she really did- she was great with Ben and she trusted her to take care of him, she even trusted her to bring her dog Spork over a few times so Ben could play with him, which- if her son’s unrelenting babbling about it was anything to go by- had been an absolute blast .

Amanda pulled into her usual parking spot and locked her car behind her- she’d gotten out of rehearsals later than usual today so she assumed Ben would be asleep, she wondered if she’d find Angela curled up on the couch again, but she opened the door to find the woman scribbling something at the counter. 

“Just some lyrics..” she explained to Amanda as she quickly packed her papers into her tote bag, “a friend and I are trying to write this song for his band..”

“That’s awesome,” Amanda smiled at the blushing brunette, “Maybe Ben and I could come out to a show sometime..?”

But despite being told Ben had fallen asleep half an hour ago, when they parted, Amanda entered her son’s room to find him blinking drowsily at her,

“Hey, buddy..” she greeted in a gentle whisper, “I thought you were asleep..”

Ben didn’t seem to take her remark into consideration, though, “Angela says I’m a bug.” He declared sleepily, shuffling deeper into his spaceship-patterned covers,

“Oh..?” Amanda didn’t really know what to reply to that, kneeling down beside her son to trace her knuckles over his cheek, “A bug, huh? What kinda bug?”

“A love-bug.” Benjie declared, “She says it’s the bestest bug.”

Something swelled in Amanda’s chest, Ben yawned and snuggled deeper into his covers, clearly about to drift off any second now, “Yeah, honey. That’s definitely the best kind of bug.”

“She smells like sprimkles..” he mumbled, closing his eyes,

“Say that again, baby..?” Amanda muttered confusedly, but it didn’t look like Ben was in a state to reply, his eyes blinking slowly as he squeezed his toy octopus to his chest,

“Shm..p..” he slurred, 

Amanda tried her best not to giggle so as to not disrupt the sleepy mood- it was hard enough getting Benjie to bed, she wondered how Angela did it so consistently. She watched as her son’s eyes gently fluttered shut, 

“Benjie..?” she asked in a soft whisper, just to make sure he was really asleep. Hearing nothing, she placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and turned off the bedside lamp, “Goodnight, lovebug.” 

That night, Amanda dreamt of lovebugs and laughter and Angela.

Nobody needed to know that, though.

Amanda had definitely had too many wine glasses so far. 

Courtney had picked Ben up for his sleepover with Poppy only an hour ago, but Amanda had managed to demolish half a bottle of her Merlot by now. Maybe she should slow down.. It was just- it wasn’t every day she could just have a night to herself. It wasn’t most days, actually. And if she really thought about it, it had been a good few months since she had some time to just relax. It’s not like Amanda didn’t go out sometimes- but she’d never drink because she had to be back home to put Ben to sleep since he refused to even close his eyes without ‘mama’. Well, unless it was Angela, apparently. But that was an outlier. 

She was about to turn up the music playing on the TV when she heard a knock at the door. Amanda paused, contemplating whether she’d imagined it because who the fuck would be knocking on her door past ten pm on a weekday, but then she heard it again.

To her surprise, she cracked the door open to a gleaming Angela. Shit .

“I’m- I’m so sorry! I completely forgot to text you!” Amanda apologised, “Ben’s sleeping over at Poppy’s tonight and my rehearsal got cancelled. That’s totally my fault, I’m so sorry..”

“Oh.." Angela digested her words, "Don’t worry about it, happens to all of us.”

“God, I feel terrible.” Amanda rubbed her forehead, frustrated, “You must be so busy anyway-..”

“Not really- I’ve got nowhere to be.” the other woman assured, “I cleared my evening for Ben so..”

“Oh..” Amanda shouldn’t have paused like that, she should really just close the door- “Do you.. do you want to come in?” she asked hesitantly, her eyes daring to look up at the other brunette whose eyes seemed to be tracing her carefully, “If you’re.. free, I mean. I’m having a wine night, I’m sure you could use one too..” she added as a little joke,

"Music is playing in the darkness

And a lantern goes swinging by…"  rang Freddy Mercury’s voice from the TV

“I’d love to, actually.” Angela decided with a warm smile, “Is.. is that ‘You and I’ playing?”

“Yeah..” Amanda chuckled, shutting the door behind them, “I can’t stop listening to the ‘Day at The Races’ remaster, I swear there’s crack in it. I play it so much Ben knows the lyrics of most songs by now, poor kid.”

“Hey, hey..” Angela objected jokingly, “It’s a good album. ‘The Millionaire’s Waltz’ is one of my favourites.” she added draping her blue button-up on a chair by the kitchen counter, leaving her in a fitted black tee that read ‘sorry’ in sparkling letters. Amanda found it hilarious.

“Wait wait- I can’t believe someone else loves this album.” she exclaimed giddily, “I literally love ‘The Millionaire’s Waltz’, I'll put it on next. Should we make a playlist?”

What followed was what could quite literally be described as a good fucking time .

Amanda had forgotten what it felt like to be this free- the pair had now started on their second bottle, a Prosecco this time, and their cheeks were rosy and their glasses were bubbly and the music ringing through the apartment was making both of them tap their feet and wiggle their arms as they bantered about life on the couch. Amanda couldn’t remember where the conversation had begun or where it was heading, but she knew she was having a blast. Angela was hilarious- even more so when she burst into song in random intervals pretending to be characters from beloved TV shows as she pranced around the living room to yet another tune from ‘Day at The Races’. Thank God this woman didn’t get bored of Queen as quickly as all her friends always seemed to. Instead, she was invested . At one point, they read an entire wikipedia page on the lyrics of ‘Take My Breath Away’, which had then spiralled into a discussion about long-term commitment and awful exes and loneliness disguised as independence. Maybe if she wasn’t, like, seven drinks deep at this point, Amanda would be overthinking it. She’d have told herself to stop talking or tried to steer the conversation away from her personal life, but she couldn’t help it when Angela’s eyes met hers, when she tapped her shoulder as she laughed or lingered over her knuckles..

Amanda was spinning.

The world was spinning with her, it seemed. And so was Angela.

She didn’t know how they’d gotten there, but cheesy karaoke graphics were playing out on the TV and they were belting out the lyrics to ‘Long Away’, pretending the remotes in their hands were microphones..

“ Take heart, my friend, we love you

Though it seems like you're alone

A million lights above you

Smile down upon your home.. ”

The woman could sing , Amanda marvelled, “You’re so good!” she tried to yell above the music, before Angela shoved her shoulders signalling she was missing out on singing her verse,

“ ..-hurry, put your troubles in a suitcase

Come, let the new child play

Lonely as a whisper on a star chase

I'm leaving here, I'm long away..”  Amanda sang with everything she could- with her hair swinging and her hips twisting and her hands constantly finding Angela in the spinning room..

“ Did we leave our way behind us?

Such a long, long way behind us?

Leave it for some hopeless lane..” they sang the chorus together, Amanda’s arm wrapping around Angela’s shoulder to steady them, before the pair dissolved into a fit of giggles.. 

Amanda realised the album must have ended, and Youtube had decided to play a related Queen song because she could definitely make out the soft melody of ‘Love of My Life’ in the background..

"…You will remember

When this is blown over

And everything's all by the way…"

They were hugging again. Or maybe they were slow dancing. Amanda didn’t really know, the air was way too hot and the room was way too blurry. But she knew it was Angela wrapped around her torso, her ear by Amanda’s heart. Amanda rested her chin on the short brunette’s head, pulling her closer, her fingertips running through her hair..

"..When I grow older

I will be there at your side to remind you

How I still love you

I still love you.."

Amanda had woken up on the couch with a sleeping Angela clinging to her body, both still dressed in yesterday’s clothes. Her temples pounded and her ears rang, but she didn’t dare move because she didn’t want to wake her. It was strange because usually she’d be spiralling- she could tell by the bottles on the coffee table they’d had way too much to drink last night, and she could vaguely recall memories of songs and laughter.. Yet she couldn’t find it in herself to freak out about it. To stress. She was calm, holding Angela close to her chest as the sun peeked out to bathe them in golden light, she was safe .

Angela didn’t know what to make of it, of their evening.

She hadn’t expected that’s where the night would go at all when she showed up to babysit Ben for the evening. She was glad it did, though, she hadn’t had fun like that in a while. Even bars and clubs get monotonous at some point, their booming basses and intoxicated strangers chatting you up for some semblance of connection. That’s not what their night was, though. At least it didn’t feel like it. It didn’t feel like filling the void, it didn’t feel mindless, though it felt spontaneous, it just felt.. real.

And maybe Angela should have been more embarrassed when she woke up in Amanda’s arms on the couch, and maybe Amanda should have made it a bigger deal than simply making her coffee and breakfast while they nursed their hangovers in comfortable silence, but for once in her life, she didn’t want to overthinking it. She was happy. 

She was also falling, but nobody needed to know about that.

Either way, it had been a week now, and what occupied her thoughts this instant was getting Ben to sleep. Amanda had messaged that rehearsals were running late into the night, so she wanted to make sure he got enough rest before school tomorrow. Apparently it was some sort of costume day, so the pair had spent the evening assembling miniature armour out of cardboard boxes so that Ben could dress up as ‘uncle Chansey fighting a dragon’. She sent a picture of his look to Amanda, to which she promptly replied with a million heart-eyed emojis and a text detailing Chanse’s apparent reaction to the whole ordeal after she forwarded the image to him.

It was adorable, really, this strange little family, and Angela couldn’t help but crave to be a deeper part of it someday. To linger..  To wake up to Ben’s babbles, to make Amanda dinner- something she’d started doing recently so the other woman could come home to something warm and hearty. Amanda hadn’t complained or asked her to stop, hell she hadn’t even questioned it, so Angela kept doing it and Amanda kept leaving her ‘thank you’ notes on the kitchen counter. 

“Goodnight, lovebug.” Angela ran her hands over Ben’s chestnut curls- he seemed to be in a particularly sleepy mood tonight, because he couldn’t even mumble it back to her, just sigh deeply as his eyes fluttered shut. But as she flicked off the bedside lamp and walked towards the door, she heard some sort of murmur..

“Did you say something, bud?” she inquired gently, turning back to look at the little kid lying snugly in his spaceship covers,

“Mama loves you..” Ben confessed sleepily, Angela’s breath escaped her,

“Sorry?” she questioned, eyes wide, though she tried her best to keep her voice hushed, 

“She made you a cupcake.” he explained, as if it was supposed to make sense of the situation, “She always makes me a cupcake. It’s an I-loves-you cupcake.”

Angela had seen the lemon cupcakes in the fridge after she’d picked up Ben from school but didn’t dare touch them. They were decorated so elegantly she thought they must be for some special occasion. Well, according to Ben, the occasion was ‘I-loves-you’, but Angela wasn’t falling for that so quickly. Who was she kidding, her stomach was fluttering with butterflies. 

After making sure the kid was asleep, Angela hovered around the fridge- walking backwards and forwards beside it until she finally decided to take a look at the cupcakes again. She leaned her hand on the fridge door, the light from inside getting caught in her hair as she traced the swirly frosting and yellow sprinkles. “Mama loves you..” rang Ben’s sleepy voice in her mind. Then she heard the key turning at the door and slammed the fridge shut, pretending to be occupied with the contents of her phone.

“By the way,” Amanda had smiled at her as she tied her shoelaces, getting ready to head out, “I don’t know if you saw, there’s cupcakes in the fridge.”

“Oh yeah..” she mumbled as nonchalantly as she could muster, “Ben mentioned.”

The taller brunette walked over to the fridge, pulling out the cupcake-filled tray and placing a plastic covering on top she’d pulled out of the cupboard, “They’re for you..” she gleamed, holding out the container to Angela by the door,

“For me?”

“Yep.” Amanda popped her ‘p’, her smile bright and gorgeous, Angela needed to hold onto something, “Just like.. as a thank you. For being so awesome and for looking after Ben and.. and me.” she finished, her gaze fixed to Angela’s,

The shorter woman took a moment before she could even speak, her words scattered on her tongue, “Thank you.” was all she could muster in a small, shy voice as a deep blush overtook her cheeks. She wondered if Amanda noticed. 

“And um..” Amanda continued, “I was wondering if you wanted to help me get ready for Benjie’s birthday party this Saturday? I was gonna get all the snacks and bake the cake the night before, I know you don’t usually pick him up on Fridays, but if you’re free..-”

“I’ll help.” Angela announced way too quickly, “I mean, I’ll double check, but I should be free.”

“Great.” Amanda beamed, “See you on Friday?”

“You’re obsessed.” Chanse shook his head as they strolled through the park, Ben was running around the playground in the distance as Amanda peacefully sipped her coffee, though it was probably too late for one. It’s fine, not like she’d been getting much sleep recently anyway. Amanda’s rehearsal had gotten cancelled again today, so she picked up Ben herself, but not for any disastrous reasons. It got cancelled because, according to Courtney, they were more than ready to begin the shoot at this point. In actuality, they were supposed to begin a few weeks ago, but someone had fumbled the filming permits and they had to re-scout their location. Amanda didn’t mind, this production was turning into something she really loved, no matter how long it seemed to be taking. 

“Hello?” Chanse waved his hand in front of Amanda’s face sassily, “Are you even listening?”

“Mhm.” Amanda hummed simply, Chanse was entirely unconvinced, 

“Please, you baked her cupcakes ?” he scoffed, “Amanda, who even are you?”

Amanda laughed at that, the wind rustled through her hair, 

“I don’t know, me?” she chuckled at her friend’s seeming confusion,

“You’re head over heels, that’s what you are.” Chanse announced, shaking his head. It was no secret he was her go-to for rants about all the ways Angela lit up her life, and clearly the man seemed to be running out of patience with his friend’s pining. Still, Amanda wasn’t going to confess. She’d bought rainbow shoelaces though, just as a hint. And it seemed they did the trick- when Angela noticed them matching hers she’d launched into a full-on stutter. It made Amanda smile, knowing there was something there. That they had something . She just didn’t really know what to do with it.

“You have to tell her, Mandy, or I’m gonna lose my shit.” Chanse waved what was supposed to be a threatening finger in her face, instead Amanda pretended to want to bite it, which sent the pair into a fit of giggles. 

And maybe she should tell her at some point, but Amanda didn’t really want to overthink it. She liked what they had. She liked them . 

Confessions were overrated anyway, her mind concluded. Maybe someday Angela would just.. stay.

There was chocolate everywhere .

For someone who was apparently very dedicated to baking skillful cakes, Amanda was fumbling it big-time. 

“Would it help if I put on ‘Day at The Races’..?” Angela had suggested teasingly, observing the disarray that was the kitchen. There were balloons all over the living room so that Benjie could wake up to them, and very intense cake-baking all over the counters. Thankfully, the kid has been fast asleep for an hour now, oblivious to the chaos that was unfolding outside his room.

“Honestly, it might..” Amanda sighed, attempting not to touch anything with her chocolate-dipped hands. She didn’t intend to submerge them in chocolate, what she wanted to do was make chocolate icing , but then her spoon slipped out of her hands and into the bowl and well. Amanda retrieved it, but at what cost. There was definitely a smarter way to have gone about it, but she couldn’t think about it too long because a familiar instrumental played gently through the kitchen, followed by Angela’s beautiful voice..

“ Take heart, my friend, we love you

Though it seems like you're alone

A million lights above you

Smile down upon your home.. ” Angela sang, Amanda couldn’t look away from her. 

Maybe Chanse was right, maybe she was obsessed. Because whatever warm feelings were zooming around in her chest were multiplying with every second. Angela smiled at her, taking a step forward, then another one, until her hand could reach up to tuck Amanda’s unruly curls behind her ear and away from her chocolate-covered mouth. 

“Did we leave our way behind us?

Such a long, long way behind us?

Who knows when, now who knows where?

Where the light of day will find us?

Look for the day..”

Angela’s eyes dipped down to Amanda’s lips, then back up to her eyes. Amanda could smell Angela’s perfume as the shorter woman balanced on her tiptoes in an attempt to crane taller. Then with the gentlest surge forward- Angela kissed her. A sweet, timid peck under the kitchen lights to the faint melody of ‘Long Away’. When she pulled away, Amanda’s eyes shot wide open in surprise.

She stared at Angela for a moment, her stomach a fluttering mess of wild butterflies, “M-my hands are covered in chocolate.” she blurted,  

“I know that..” Angela chuckled at the adorable expression on the other woman’s face, “You taste like it, too.” she reached out a thumb to wipe some of it from Amanda’s lip, “Sweet.”

Amanda felt her breath escape her- “I didn’t know you- I mean, I-I thought I was- oh my-'' she surged forward for another kiss- which Angela gladly welcomed. Thought their ever-growing smiles made it hard to manoeuvre their lips- their teeth clanking together, making the pair pull away giggling so hard they had to lean on each other for support,

 “Wait wait -“ Amanda managed between laughter, “ wait -“ Angela held her aching belly, “..so you like me?”

“Oh I like you-“ Angela confessed, Amanda was about to get a toothache from the sweetness in the air, “I like you a lot, actually. Maybe a little too much for my own good.” 

“Yeah?” Amanda beamed, 

“Yeah.” She draped her arm on the taller woman’s shoulder and pecked her again, “I like how caring you are, I like how hot you look singing karaoke, I like the way you’ll just keep going after you start a joke until you can’t speak because you’re laughing so hard..” she listed, her smile warm,  “I like you a lot, Amanda.”

Amanda was sure she was floating, “I like you a lot too.” 

Angela woke up on Amanda’s couch with a poke to her nose. Well, many pokes to her nose. The first time it happened she thought it must have been a fly or something- the touch so soft- but then it happened again. And again and again and again.

She blinked her eyes open to a bug-eyed Ben in her face, his little nose almost touching hers,

“It’s my Birthday today!” he squeaked, Angela shuffled under the blanket Amanda had apparently draped it over her. All she remembered was sitting down on the couch to rest for a bit. Obviously, she’d fallen asleep.

Angela sleepily booped his nose back, at least she hoped it was his nose, she couldn’t really see, “Yeah buddy..”

“Are you here for my birthday?” he inquired, kicking away one of the many balloon on the floor,

“Mhm..” the woman rasped, despite how hard she tried to convey her enthusiasm in her voice, her eyes refused to open fully. Benjamin must have sensed her failing attempt,

“Are you sleeping?”

Angela’s lips curved into a loving smile, “A little..”

“Okay.” Ben nodded as if he deeply understood, then wiggled his way to lay down right beside Angela, “Goodnight.”

Angela was glad for any more minutes of peaceful bliss, otherwise she would have been laughing already at the kid’s kind gesture. That was until he shuffled his face so very close to hers his little huffs of breath landed right in her eardrum. 

“Benjie..” she couldn’t help but giggle, moving away from the kid, “You’re tickling my ear bud, do you think you could scooch a little?”

“Nuh-uh.” he concluded, then draped his arm around Angela’s neck, hugging her so that his little head was cradled in her neck, “I’m a love-bug. My hands are like.. like this-” he squeezed Angela closer, “I pull you soooo close.”

“Oh God..” Angela chuckled into her words, then finally moved her arms to cradle Benjamin more comfortably around her body, “what are we gonna do? You’ll be stuck to me forever!”

“It’s okay.” his voice mumbled into her neck, she could feel his finger reach over to play with her curls, “I loves you.”

A wave of adoration washed over Angela, he’d never said that before. She wasn’t going to cry. Angela wasn’t going to cry.

After a few moments of peaceful breathing, Ben spoke up again, “Can you stay longer?” his little voice hesitated, “For maybe a hundred weeks..?”

“Oh wow uh..” Angela stuttered, her palms tracing his back, “I don’t know buddy, a hundred weeks is a lot of weeks..”

“We can ask Mama,” he suggested helpfully, “maybe she will let you. You can sleep in my bed if you wants. You’re only.. only little.”

Angela snorted out a big laugh- “I’m only little?!” she could barely make out through her laughter, then her hands shot up to tickle Ben’s sides, and the kid wiggled wildly until both of them toppled off the couch and into a mess of cuddles on the floor.

Amanda’s friends were nice, Angela decided. Her and Chanse had been chatting on about their favourite musicals for half an hour now- with the occasional kid running past them or Ben handing over a balloon. The cake her and Amanda made last night had been salvaged by a ton of rainbow sprinkles and the colourful candles on top, which was great, because honestly Angela couldn’t remember anything from yesterday apart from the taste of Amanda’s lips. It was a wholesome party- there were kids from Ben’s class, a few of Amanda’s nieces and nephews, some castmates, and even Shayne and Courtney.

“Small world!” the blond man had chuckled to Angela before Courtney pulled him away to see Poppy’s ‘magic dance’. Small world , Angela thought.

Then Ben blasted into her at full speed, tugging at her arm to go find Amanda. 

“Woah!” Angela managed as they weaved past crowds of kids and around snack-filled tables. The kid pulled her right up to Amanda, stopping at the woman’s feet, his face determined and serious, “Mama! Mama..“ he waved at her to pull her attention from the hummus bowl in her hands, “Mamaaaa.."

“What’s up love-bug?” she smiled, placing the dish on the counter and wiping her hands on her apron,

“Can..” he shuffled his feet trying to form the sentence in his head, Amanda leaned closer to him to make out his words easier among the music and laughing, “Can Angela stay for maybe a hundred weeks?”

Amanda’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead, her dimple popping out as her gaze shifted from her son to Angela, then back to Benjie, “A hundred weeks?” 

“Aha.” Ben declared confidently, “She can.. She can sleep in my bed because she’s little.”

Any attempt to contain her chuckles fled Amanda at his words, her smile turning into a big, hearty laugh. 

She looked to Angela to see if she shared the humour for this situation, however instead found her skillfully controlling her giggles, “This is a serious proposition, Amanda.” the brunette declared, her tone dripping with amusement despite her controlled face,

“Yeah, Mama.” Ben echoed,

“Got it..” Amanda tried her best to swallow the giggles bubbling up from her stomach, “serious.” With a breath she assembled her expression in her best jab at ‘seriousness’, then faced Ben again, “I don’t think it’d be fair for Angela to sleep in your bed, baby, she’s a grown up.” she explained,

Ben’s lip began to quiver, his eyes falling to the floor. The kid looked dejected.

“But if..” Amanda continued, “if she wanted to stay, I’m sure we could work something out.” Her gaze fell hesitently on Angela,

“She does!” Ben interrupted, lighting up again, “She wants to stay for a long time! She said!”

"Eh," Angela smiled sheepishly, her eyes brimming with mirth as she glanced at Amanda, “A hundred weeks more-or-less..”

Weeks later, Amanda had just woken up to the smell of breakfast and coffee as she stepped out into the kitchen to find Angela at the stove. It was a sight she could never take for granted, a sight so precious she’d taken a picture of it countless times. Still, every time it happened, she found herself marvelling at the short brunette bathed in sunlight. 

“Morning, honey..” she greeted, joining the woman at the stove. Spork ran up to her feet, wagging his tail enthusiastically,

“Hi.” Angela smiled at her softly, lifting a fresh cup of coffee towards the taller woman, “Ben’s still asleep.”

Amanda gladly took it, gulping down a few greedy sips of the warm liquid before leaning in to place a peck on the shorter woman’s cheek. She lingered, though, resting her head against her shoulder as she watched the egg sizzle in the pan. She exhaled a long, deep breath, Angela’s hair tickling the tip of her nose. 

“No way..” she gasped suddenly, “He was right!”

“Hm?” Angela turned to her, confused, 

“You do smell like sprinkles!” her mouth fell wide open, her smile goofy, “You literally smell like sprinkles, oh my -“ the woman leaned in again to take another deep whiff of the shorter woman’s neck, making her giggle at the tickling sensation,

“Sto-op!” she managed through her laughter, shooing Amanda away,

 “-You smell like confetti cake!” Amanda beamed. 

“Cont.. comfetti cake?” a little voice came from behind them, and the women turned to find a drowsy Ben rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Amanda leaned down to scoop him up from the cold tiles of the kitchen,

“Confetti cake is cake with rainbow sprinkles, baby.” she explained to him, pecking his cheek somewhere in between five and a dozen times, “Did you have a good sleep?” 

“Aha.” Ben mumbled into her neck, then reached over to poke Angela in the dimple of her smile, “You have.. you have a hole.”

The short brunette burst into chuckles, “That’s called a dimple, love-bug.” she explained through her beaming smile,

“It only pops out when she smiles suuuuper big!” Amanda added, “See?” she poked Angela’s cheek, 

Ben nodded understandingly, “You’re soooo happy?” he asked Angela, his voice gentle, 

Amanda could see the tears forming in the other woman’s eyes, and she knew she was her forever...

“Yeah, love-bug..” she beamed, her voice breaking, “I’m soooo happy.”