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Beca relaxed into the couch, feet tucked under her and some nasty drink concoction in her hand that Fat Amy had prepared for everyone. Her special juice, she had called it with a wink. It's an Aussie delicacy, so you have to drink it or you’re disrespecting our culture.
That had almost made her pour it all down the sink, but Fat Amy had promised it would get them buzzed faster and cheaper than anything else. They were all broke from their last night out, so they had reluctantly accepted. Taking a small sip, she grimaced.
“God Amy, what did you put in this stuff? It tastes radioactive,” she groaned. The other girls chimed in their complaints in agreement.
“Well first I had to go to Bumper's house. You can only make it after having-” Fat Amy started.
“Actually, I don’t want to know,” Beca cut her off. She takes another sip, trying to distract herself from Fat Amy’s words with the bad taste.
“This stuff is nasty,” Cynthia Rose agreed from her spot on the other couch. Despite her words, she takes a large sip, “but I have to admit it works fast.”
“My tongue is tingling,” Lily whispers from the floor, inaudible to them. “I wonder if you could use it to dissolve a body.”
“What?” They all turn to look at her, not hearing what she said.
“Anyway… where’s Chloe? She never misses a girls night,” Stacie asks from where she’s sitting next to Fat Amy.
“That’s what we’re missing! Where’s that little ginger and her forced group bonding activities!” Fat Amy exclaims, looking directly at Beca.
Beca doesn’t notice and continues to sip at her drink quietly. A few of the girls chime in that they haven’t seen her either. As it becomes clear that no one knows, all the girls each turn to look at Beca expectantly.
“Well Beca… where is she?” Fat Amy prompts after Beca continues to zone out. This finally snaps Beca out of it.
“Hmmm… what?” She focuses her attention on the group. Her eyebrows raise and she scoots back on the couch as she notices all the girls' eyes on her. “Why are you all looking at me like that?” Eye wide and cautious, her back straightens. She pulls the blanket higher up in her lap at the sudden attention.
“Well, I mean you are always together. We kind of figured you of all people would know,” Emily starts slowly, her tone cautious and peppy, like she’s explaining something very obvious. Beca frowns at her words.
“I am not always with Chloe,” Beca says defensively.
“Beca, what our little nepo baby is trying to say is that you and Chloe are attached at the hip.” Fat Amy says. “Not like side hip to side hip action, but like this,” she demonstrates by making peace sign with each hand and slotting them together. “See like this. Very close.”
“God, don’t do that dude! That's so perverted,” Beca shouts, burying her face in her hands.
“Bumping uglies close, ya knaur,” Fat Amy continues, but she drops her hands.
“Don’t say that. Chloe and I don’t scissor, dude!” Beca defends loudly, face bright red.
“To each their own,” Cynthia Rose comments, breaking the tension. Fat Amy shrugs casually. “Chloe definitely tops though. Anyway, where is your girl?”
Beca’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head at that. “WHAT? Chloe doesn’t top me either!” She shouts, jumping up from the couch. This causes some murmurs of surprise from the girls.
“That's crazy! I totally had Beca pinned for a bottom,” Stacie gossips to Cynthia, who nods.
“That's not what I meant! No one tops anyone! We are not dating! We are JUST FRIENDS!” Beca shouts loudly, finally snapping. Her face is the complexion of a tomato and her chest heaves in large amounts of air as the room falls silent in shock. Everyone is dead silent as the news sinks in.
Emily breaks the silence first, “You aren’t?” She asks in a confused voice, a lost pout on her face.
“No!” Beca exclaims, throwing her hands up.
“Oh… sorry,” Emily squeaks, putting her hands up in defense and sinking back into herself.
“Beca, what are you talking about? You and the ginger are totally dating!” Fat Amy says. “You’re always together. You let Chloe bug you when you’re mixing songs. She's always wearing your clothes! You’re always touching!” She lists, raising a finger for each point.
“We’re friends! Those are things friends do! And Chloe is a touchy person, it's not my fault she doesn’t understand normal boundaries,” Beca retorts quickly, trying to shut this conversation down. To her dismay, this only causes the girls to react in disbelief.
“Beca you don’t do any of that with any of us,” Fat Amy scoffs. The other girls all agree verbally, nodding.
“Well Chloe is Chloe, she acts like that with everyone. She literally walks around naked. The girl has no boundaries or shame!” Beca complains.
“Wait what? She's just openly naked around you… like regularly?” Emily asks, confused.
“That's some gay shit, even for me,” Cynthia Rose snorts.
“Well, we're roommates so it's bound to happen more. The point is we’re not dating!” Cynthia Rose only snorts harder at Beca’s rebuttal. Roommates, she snickers to Stacie.
“She's also always hooking up with guys!” she adds, sure that she’s finally put the matter to rest.
“I mean, she really hasn’t though. Not in the past couple months at least,” Fat Amy responds, sending Beca reeling. When was the last time she saw Chloe hook up with a guy?
“Wait!” Stacie bolts up, sitting straight up from where she was reclining on the couch. She points a finger at Beca, “I’ve totally seen you and Chloe kiss. Like multiple times at parties. You guys also are always acting like you want to jump each other,” she accuses, “I should know, I have a sixth sense for these sorts of things.” She says, cupping her breasts like that's where her sense comes from. Fat Amy swats her hands away.
Stacie’s comment causes a stir, as all the girls start chiming in on how they’ve also seen Beca and Chloe kiss. Beca sputters at this change in the line of questioning.
“Stop! I- its not like that! Chloe is just one of those girls who kisses her friends when she's drunk,” she yells, hands gesturing wildly.
“She's never kissed me,” Fat Amy snorts.
“Or me,” Lilly whispers.
“Fine! Raise your hand if Chloe’s ever kissed you,” Beca declares, raising her hand. The room falls silent as no one else raises a hand. Beca recoils at the sight.
“Whatever! You guys are full of shit anyway!” Beca begins to stomp off, fed up with this interrogation. As she’s marching up the stairs, she turns back and yells, “For the record, Chloe and I are not dating!” After a few seconds of more stomping, the girls hear Beca’s door slam closed. A silence falls over the group.
“Damn, does Chloe know that?” Fat Amy says sarcastically, downing the rest of her drink with a grimace.
* * *
Beca is still fuming on her bed, trying to get her frustration out by mixing a few songs when Chloe gets home a couple hours later.
She enters their shared room, setting her stuff down and removing her shoes before plopping down next to Beca on her bed and leaning her head on Beca’s shoulder with the familiarity of a well-ingrained routine. When Beca tenses up instead of relaxing, Chloe pulls back slightly and tugs Beca’s headphones off.
“What’s got you so tense? Do you need another massage?” She rests a hand on Beca’s shoulder, but Beca only recoils at her touch, looking away with light blush. Chloe removes her hand immediately.
“Seriously, Bec, what’s wrong? Did something happen during girl’s night? Is that why you’re not downstairs with everyone else?” She questions, taking Beca’s hand and squeezing it.
After a moment of quiet, internal conflict, Beca finally turns to Chloe. She plans to tell her what happened, she really does - but then she catches herself glancing down at Chloe’s lips and all good intentions fly out the window. It's one thing for the girls to suggest there is something more between them, but for her own body to betray her. What does that say about her? What does it mean? It’s too much. She rips her hand away from Chloe, as if burned by her touch.
“Nothing’s wrong! I’m fine, dude. Leave me alone for once and just drop it okay!” she snaps. As the look of hurt flashes across Chloe’s face, she instantly regrets her words. The thing about Beca, though, is that she is stubborn. So instead of apologizing, she decides it's too late to change course. Problem is, she's also too weak to face the hurt she just caused Chloe. She settles on option three: ignore the problem. She turns away and pulls her headphones back over her head.
Chloe gets the hint – granted, it was hard not to, as she was practically slapped in the face with it. Feeling appropriately hurt and confused, she stands from the bed, putting space between her and Beca. She stares down at Beca, who continues to stare at her laptop and refuses to look up.
Just great, Chloe thinks. She knows Beca well enough to know that she’s purposefully ignoring her and to know that any further attempts at conversation will only cause her to shut Chloe out more.
“You know, I was only trying to help, Beca. God forbid I’m concerned about my best friend.” Chloe remarks bitterly with an undercurrent of hurt confusion, throwing her hands up slightly with frustration. Becca doesn’t react visibly to her words, doesn’t even look her way. If anything, Chloe swears the music leaking from the headphones gets slightly louder. Chloe scoffs, “whatever, I’m going downstairs. I’ll let you focus on your music since I’m obviously distracting you.”
She turns on her heel and leaves, shutting the door firmly behind her. She walks down the hall a few steps before leaning against the wall with a sigh. Running a hand through her red hair, she forces her frustration down. As infuriating it is that Beca is acting this way, she knows that staying and trying to force her to talk about it wouldn’t do either of them good.
If she had pissed Beca off, Beca would have told her out right. No, this was some internal problem Beca had that was causing her to lash out at Chloe. As much as she wanted to help and figure it out for Beca, the only thing Chloe could do is wait and give Beca space. Let Beca figure it out for herself before they could talk about it.
Chloe exhaled roughly, and headed towards the stairs. Why do I have to be in love with someone so infuriating, she complained internally. Despite her thoughts, she put on a bright smile and headed downstairs to join the other girls. While I wait, I might as well try and figure out what happened.
* * *
The door shuts behind Chloe, leaving Beca alone in their room. Dropping the facade, Beca pauses the music and slips her headphones off again. She puts her laptop and headphones to the side, knowing there was no hope of getting anything else done tonight. As her actions sink in, she drops her head into her hands.
“Dude, I’m such an idiot,” she groans to herself, “why did I have to say all that?”
“I was such a dick…” She trails off. Her frustration with herself now rising. She tries to redirect it to the Bellas, it's all because they kept insisting that we were dating. She’s unsuccessful.
Sure it's annoying, but would it bug me so much? Why would I snap at Chloe, who wasn’t even there? It’s her brain that betrays her this time, pointing out the obviously flawed logic like a total asshole. Why couldn’t I just act normal? Why do I care so much?
She decides to just drop it and apologize to Chloe when she gets back. Say she was tired and frustrated with the music she was trying to mix not coming together. Tell her she lashed out unfairly and that she's sorry. A simply white lie. There's no point in complicating things further by telling her the real reason.
What even is the real reas-. She prunes that branch of thought before it can develop into anything. Afterall, it shouldn’t be a big deal, so she won’t treat it like one. Just apologize and move on, plain and simple. No need to dissect her inner psyche for something she won’t find.
She leans back on her pillows and closes her eyes, relaxing. Glad that's over dude. No need to think about it anymore. Once Chloe comes back I can apologize and cross this whole thing off my list of things I give a shit about. Move on and put this whole night behind me. Never to be thought about again… really I can just stop thinking about it. I can stop now. Like there's no need to even think about not thinking about it anymore, so I can stop thinking about that too. Fine. I won’t think about it anymore, starting now…
She lasts an astounding 5.2 seconds before she thinks about it again.
I was too mean to Chloe-
Fuck! I just thought about it again, didn’t I? Dammit. It's fine, just clear your head, Beca. Of course I’m still going to think about it; everyone knows if you try to not think about something, you're totally going to think about it. Duh dude, that's totally why. I just need to think about something else.
Yes! That’s it. Just change the topic. Lets see… what should I think about?
Chloe? No. Definitely not.
The Bellas? Actually, no. That's also a bad idea. Plus that includes Chloe too, dumbass.
Jesse? Ew- NO! Definite pass, what the hell! That's even worse! Why would I even think about him.
Moving on… think about something else. Literally anything else.
Music? Wait- yeah, music! Why didn’t I think of that before, dude. I can totally think about music. I love music! Mixing music. Singing music. It’s so acca-obvious, why wasn’t it my first idea. Ew, wait. Did I really just use acca-obvious unironically in my head? Beca grimaces at the thought. God, I’ve been spending too much time around Chloe-
“Fuck! God damn it,” Beca growls in frustration, opening her eyes and sitting up in bed. She groans, “that was such a waste of time. I always tell Chloe that I would suck at meditation. My brain is an annoying dick, I can’t clear my head for the life of me.”
She stands from her bed and begins pacing around the room. She bites at her nails anxiously before forcing her hands away, knowing Chloe would get on her for the bad habit.
“If I can’t ignore it, I’ll just have to figure it out. Then my brain will have to shut up,” Beca decides, mumbling her new game plan to herself.
“Okay so I had a girls night with the Bellas. Drank some of that weird juice. Then they asked about Chloe… kept claiming we were dating when we’re obviously not. I got pissed they weren’t listening so I left and went upstairs. I was in a bad mood, so when Chloe got home I snapped at her… yeah that makes sense.” Beca lays out the timeline to herself. Despite her simple conclusion, she knows there's more to it. She got home almost 2 hours later, her brain supplies.
“That’s right, I had calmed down by then. It doesn’t make sense for me to snap at her for that alone.” Beca grows more confused at her actions. Things aren’t adding up and its driving her insane. She can’t understand why she was so frustrated, why she suddenly snapped.
“Think Beca…” She thinks back to Chloe coming home, cataloging the events leading up to her leaving. She came in and sat next to me like normal. I tensed when she leaned against me… not normal. But I mean it makes sense that I would be weird about touch after what they said earlier, so that makes sense. Plus, I’m not big on touch anyway. Anyway, she noticed my reaction, asked why I was tense. She touched my shoulder and asked if I wanted a massage… I was embarrassed so I blushed and moved away again for the same reason as before. I still wasn’t mad though, just a little uncomfortable and embarrassed. Still no reason why I would snap at her.
Beca continues to pace around the room as she thinks to herself. At this rate, by the time Chloe comes back, she will have worn a path through the carpet.
“What else…” Beca mumbles. “Come on, dude, think.”
“I was a bit awkward, but calm. She asked me what was wrong. I got frustrated and then I snapped at her and ignored her.” Beca groans. She feels stupid, like she is missing something really obvious. “Why did I get frustrated, though? I was fine…”
She thinks back to what happened, trying to picture the events in her mind: Chloe asking her what was wrong, her turning to tell Chloe – thats right I was going to tell her what happened –, looking at Chloe and then looking down at her lips-
Wait. What? Beca freezes in place, short circuiting. She forces herself to focus, to make sense of it all. I glanced down- I wanted to kiss her. I caught myself and I freaked.
Holy shit. I want to kiss Chloe. I like Chloe.
The epiphany hits Beca like a punch to the boob: sudden, shocking, wind-knocking, and slightly sexual. Less pain and more confusion than anything else.
It doesn’t take long for her to start spiraling into a gay panic; going over every interaction she’s ever had with the red head. When did it start? At the beginning with the weird shower thing, or later, like on the camping trip at Aubrey’s bootcamp before worlds.
What am I going to do?!?
* * *
In a surprisingly lucky break for Beca, Chloe fell asleep on the couch downstairs after consuming a medically concerning amount of Fat Amy’s ‘special juice’ (only four cups, but that's three cups beyond the safe amount for human consumption). In fact, most of the other girls passed out too, with the exception of Fat Amy (to no ones’ surprise) and Lily.
Needing time to process, she left in the morning (they were all still passed out in the living room) and avoided the house, and the Bellas, all day.
After briefly considering if it is too late to drop out of college in her senior year, she finally decides she can’t delay her impending conversation with Chloe any longer and heads back to the house.
Coming in through the back door, she is able to reach their room without running into any of the other Bellas.
Bracing herself, she gently opens the door, only to find the room empty. She doesn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved, not wanting to talk with Chloe but not wanting to put it off any longer either.
It quickly becomes apparent that Chloe is just in the shower, though Beca isn’t sure what tips her off first: the sound of running water or Chloe’s singing. Either way, Beca takes the small mercy, using the time to change into her pajamas. As she settles on her bed and waits for Chloe, she finds herself relaxing subconsciously to the sound of Chloe’s singing. She only notices just how much it’s put her at ease when both the shower and the singing stops and her nerves skyrocket again. Distantly, some part of her realizes she's been humming along the entire time.
Chloe must have heard Beca at some point, because she comes out fully clothed – there have admittedly been some incidents in the past that Beca can’t think about right now without blushing – and she doesn’t seem at all surprised to see Beca sitting there.
After all the nerves and tense build up, Beca deflates at the sight of her. The knot in her stomach noticeably loosening and the butterflies quieting.
“Hey Chlo,” she says softly. Chloe, who has always understood Beca on a subatomic level, is already nodding and moving to sit next to Beca before the girl can even finish uttering the words, “Can we talk?”
Beca sits with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest, while Chloe sits cross legged facing her. For once, she doesn’t initiate contact, though she is still very close. Beca, despite missing the feeling, is glad, wanting to have a clear and undistracted mind for this conversation.
“You know you can talk to me about anything Beca. Is this about yesterday?” Chloe starts when it becomes clear that Beca is having trouble.
Beca nods and, taking a deep breath, she meets Chloe’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I had a fight with the Bellas during Girl’s Night and I hadn’t processed some shit and I totally lashed out at you. That was, like, totally unfair to you, dude. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I understand and forgive you. The Bellas told me what happened,” Chloe reaches her hand to take Beca’s before seeming to think better of it and withdrawing. Meanwhile, Beca is reeling from this information. Her eyes widened comically. Somehow she didn’t see this coming, despite how obvious of a possibility it should have been.
“Wait? What?” She asks dumbly, still processing. Chloe interprets her comment differently, and sheepishly rubs the back of her neck.
“Well, they actually refused to tell me at first. I was able to intimidate it out of our little legacy though. It was actually easier than I expected, she was practically an open book after her second cup of Amy’s juice.” Chloe says in high spirits, proud of herself. “I thought I was going to have to try one of Aubrey’s army torture techniques.
“Wait- Aubrey’s what? Nevermind, actually. So Emily told you what happened?” Beca implores. Chloe nods in the affirmative. “Which is what? That they all thought we were dating?”
“Basically, though there was a lot more slurring on her end,” Chloe confirms. Chloe takes Beca’s hand between her own. “Look, Beca, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I never meant to put you in that position or make you uncomfortable-”
“Wait- what?” Beca cuts Chloe off. She internally scolds herself for parroting those same words again and constantly sounding as confused as a concussed chicken during this conversation. In her defense, there have been a lot of twists in the past two minutes, but this is the most mind bending of them all. Her brow furrows, “Chloe, what are you talking about? Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong.”
“They thought we were dating because of me, and how I was acting around you. Like how I kiss you when we’re drunk. My feelings caused this. Now, directly or indirectly, via the Bellas’ questioning, I’ve made you uncomfortable. That's why you reacted the way you did last night, and why you avoided me today.”
“No, Chlo, you didn’t make me uncomfortable at all. Sure, I was uncomfortable at the Bellas’ interrogation. But, like, the stuff after, me snapping at you, that had nothing to do with you. I was confused and frustrated with myself, that's all. And I avoided you today because I still needed time to think about it.” Beca rambles out, desperately trying to reassure Chloe. As she’s catching her breath, her brain finally finishes processing part of Chloe’s words.
“Wait- Chloe. Did you say feelings?” Chloe, uncharacteristically nervous, looks down at her lap and nods slightly. She felt brave when she thought Beca had already figured it out, but now she feels her usually talkative self clamming up for the first time in years. “Like, feelings feelings?” Beca questions desperately, needing confirmation. Chloe, biting her lower lip worryingly, looks up at Beca and nods again.
“Huh,” Beca leans back in shock, head knocking slightly against the wall. Her jaw slack and eyes wide.
Chloe, feeling the need to fill the silence, is now the one to start rambling, “I thought you figured it out yesterday. That 's why I thought you were acting weird when I touched you and why you snapped and why you avoided me today; because I made you uncomfortable.” She takes a deep breath and continues steaming ahead when Beca doesn’t immediately respond, “I’ve liked you for a while, but it got serious after Worlds, and after you and Jesse broke up. At first I thought I would just let you figure it out yourself, but you were so acca-oblivious to everything. I was about to resort to telling you myself, but- actually I guess this counts as me telling you, huh?”
“Chloe…” Beca says softly. Chloe seems to take this as a gentle rejection.
“Its okay, Bec. I don’t expect anything. I just think it's fair for you to know.” She smiles sadly at Becca, eyes glistening. Her face pinches slightly as something occurs to her, “the only thing I want to know is… if you weren’t mad at me, what was wrong?”
Beca, still in shock, blurts out, “I- uh. Crazy story actually, but I realized that I love you. Not just platonically, but, like, the romantic – hopelessly in love with you – type.” Her face flushes a deep red when she's done.
Chloe blinks.
One second passes.
Then another.
Three seconds pass before she's surging forward. Suddenly, she's kissing Beca.
Another second passes and Beca is kissing her back. Everything is right in the world.
By the time they finally pull away from each other, seconds are no longer the most effective unit of time to count by. Beca is blushing heavily, with the complexion of a ripe tomato, and Chloe is beaming brightly.
“We’re idiots, aren’t we?” Chloe asks.
“Yep. And Fat Amy is totally going to take credit for this; she’ll probably say it was her ‘special juice,’” Beca jokes dryly. Chloe snorts at this, sides shaking as she laughs loudly. Her eyes crinkle with joy as she finally catches her breath. She gazes at Beca adoringly, giddy grin back in place.
Beca can’t help but smile back.