Chapter Text
“And you know what, kitty cat? Maybe, just maybe, you can stop being a bad influence on the literal Princess of Hell!” Lucifer growled at Husk. What started as a simple comment about how Charlie didn’t drink much until she met Husk had now turned into an all out fight between the two men. This kind of thing wasn’t all too uncommon between tired, weary souls.
"How 'bout we just wait until we're not both trashed to debate this," Husk replied, rolling his eyes. "Look, I'm sure your daughter wasn't sober before I came into her life. Just because you decided to step out on her- like I said, how 'bout we just leave this. There ain't no need to deal with this right now," he huffed.
Drunk men fighting was not necessarily Alastor's favorite sound, even if their antics could be downright entertaining sometimes. Alastor always liked a dose of drama, but slurred sputtering and arguing seemed to remind him of, well, less pleasant times. At the very least, His Shortness was getting absolutely owned. That might make this worth his while.
Vaggie was mostly tuning the whole argument out, just waiting for them to stop so that she could close up the parlor for the night. Little did Lucifer know that his daughter definitely knew how to party long before Husk got involved. Then, Lucifer suddenly bumping into her snapped her out of her thoughts. He quickly spun around to apologize, not meaning to drag the moth into the mix.
"S̴͈̽t̶͈͝e̴͎͠p̵̻͋ ̸̰͘ą̷̛w̶̮͗a̷͔͆y̷̿ͅ ̸̭̂f̶̪̈́r̵͝ͅò̸͚m̴͓̍ ̴̜̈́t̶̡̄h̷̭̚ḙ̷̏ ̷͕̍y̸͚̓ô̶̼ŭ̶̟n̷̹̊g̶̳͆ ̶̨̓l̴̘͐å̵̱d̶̡̓y̴͖̒,̵̺͒ ̵̪͒n̶̪̐õ̸͚w̶̛̗,̵̺̿" Alastor demanded. His voice had been overcome with static, his neck bending and cracking in less than normal ways, his eyes turning into small radio dials as his antlers fully emerged from his scalp. Now Vaggie was confused. Alastor was nothing if not unpredictable.
"Alrighty, tough guy," Lucifer said, throwing his hands up. He took a step back from Alastor and Vaggie, heading towards the door. He didn't feel like dealing with a second demon tonight. Vaggie desperately tried to get in the middle of the situation, and to break up whatever fight seemed to be just about ready to ensue. Lucifer opened up a portal, and jumped into it.
"Yep, I'm out too," Husk added, once Lucifer had left. He spun on his heels, heading upstairs. "I need a nap, not anyone else's issues. Night."
"Have a good night there, my good man!" Alastor said as he clapped his hands together, suddenly returning to normal. "Don't get yourself into any mischief while you're away, ha ha!"
The moth had absolutely nothing that she could think of to say. Sure, Lucifer wasn't actually going to do anything. He probably didn't even realize she was there, judging by the way that he stumbled into the portal. She hoped that the portal went straight into his bedroom, or else he might be staggering down the halls for a while. Now, that would be a funny scene.
But there was still a part of her that felt weird. She wasn't sure if she appreciated Alastor's gesture, or not. He was from a different time period, and, from what she had heard, he thought very highly of women. Well, that was all women besides herself. She didn't need his respect anyways. She didn't need him, or any man, for that matter, to defend her. Ok, maybe she was a bit frustrated.
"What did you do that for?" She wondered aloud. She didn't mean to actually say that part, covering her mouth and practically letting her spear drop in the process. Now that she had said it, however, there was no taking it back. She just didn't want him going all creepy deer mode on her, even if she could fend him off. Even Alastor wasn't immune to angelic weapons.
"Oh, my dear Vagatha, don't kid yourself! If you hadn't noticed by now, I'm a man of class. I'm not just going to let some man run into a woman like you, even if he is the so called King of Hell! Where would my manners be?" Of course it dated back to when he was from. All of these fashioned ideas. They bugged the moth.
Not to sound like Charlie, but at least he was trying to be somewhat decent. It seemed like the deer's decency started and ended at his respect for women. Even though he hated her, he still treated her with class that he would never show towards a man. She could at least try to be appreciative. "Thanks, Alastor. I guess."
A loud laugh track came from his microphone. He gave her a look that she couldn't quite read- oh who was she kidding, she could never read him. That was his whole schtick, and she hated it. "You're a kind demon belle, now aren't you? My words of advice? Never let a man step on your toes. And if one tries, just come tell your dear old pal, Alastor. Men can be awful, sometimes."
"You could say that again," Vaggie scoffed. Much to her surprise, Alastor didn't even act upset. He just vaguely nodded in her direction. "Not the you being my friend part, that is definitely not true. But yea, men can suck, can't they? You've never met my father. I'm pretty sure he's still alive. He was the very definition of men can suck. At least Mamá found love later."
"Couldn't say the same about my dear maman," Alastor replied, leaning onto his staff. "My papa was quite the vile creature himself. I took care of him! Twice, actually! Like I said, no man will touch a fine lady as long as I'm around. Ah, yes, ladies. Definitely the graces of our society."
Replaying his words, Vaggie shivered. What did he mean- he took care of him twice- nope, she wasn't going to think like that. She wasn't exactly sure if she agreed fully with his other sentiment, either, because many women were awful. "Agreed. Women are so sexy. I will never know why people get the hots for men."
Alastor cocked his head in confusion, suddenly standing up stiff. "Sexy, you say? Why, I wouldn't go as far as to call just your average woman that! A woman isn't sexy, and neither is a man. She is just full of class, and grace, and strength, and beauty. She is the epitome of the spectacular side of our species."
"I guess you could say that," Vaggie joked. She really didn't care as much about women as Alastor did, she was more interested in his seeming distaste for men as well. "Well, there's a reason why I'll always pick a girl over a guy. I don't need a mansplainer in my life. My cousins were all into guys, it is so weird to me how some people could like guys, if that makes sense."
"Agreed, however, I do not seem to know what a mansplainer is," Vaggie had to contain a burst of laughter, ready to give an actual real time example of mansplaining to the deer. No, he probably wouldn't take very well to that. "People are confusing, Vagatha. In particular, men. My maman always warned me to never try and understand one."
Vaggie smiled. "It is kind of ironic that I'm having this lesbian ew, men conversation with a man, right? I never would have seen that coming," she teased lightheartedly. "Thanks for, uh, sharing the sentiment."
The deer gave her a smile right back, twirling his staff in his hand, looking proud. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I've always felt like a woman anyways!"
If Vaggie hadn't known better, she would have said that she heard a record scratch. She would think that it came from Alastor's microphone, if he wasn't already on his way towards the steps. "Wait, what did you just say?"
From halfway up the steps, Alastor giggled. "Say, I would always have preferred to have been a woman! But alas, that's not how the cards got dealt. Now, I must be onto bed. Good night, Vagatha!"
What the- Vaggie couldn't believe her ears. "Night, Al," she said, not very present in the moment. She was too busy replaying his words. Was he? No, Alastor probably wasn't. But what if he was, and he had just never known that he could be himself. She couldn't just not bring this up to him. Here she goes again, sounding like Charlie. Wait, Charlie. Maybe she could explain it to him.
But there truly was no need to alert everyone to some off the cuff comment, made after a discussion about an abusive father. She tried to remember if he had been drinking at all. She didn't think he had been. Once Alastor was out of sight, she let her emotions get the best of her. "Charlie! I need to tell you something!" She yelled, running into her girlfriend's office.
"Babe! What is going on? Is everyone alright?" Charlie swung the door open, ushering the anxious moth inside. She fiddled with her hands, not sure if she should actually say something. This was her girlfriend, and they had promised each other, after the whole fallen angel debacle, no more secrets. Maybe Charlie would understand him more than she did. "You're kinda scaring me here, what's happening?"
"Sorry," she grumbled out, waiting for the door to click behind her. She lowered her head, not actually wanting to look directly at Charlie. She knew that the Princess wouldn't be mad at her for this, but maybe some things should stay secrets. Nope, no more secrets. "Long story short, Alastor said that he's always felt like a woman, and that he would have preferred to be one."
Charlie's eyes grew wide, listening intently to what her girlfriend had just said. She would like to have said that she didn't see that coming, but maybe there was a part of her that did. "Is that all he said? I mean, do you think he knows- do you think he'd want to know? Should we try to like, I don't know, have some sort of talk with him? Like, hey, Al, you don't have to be a guy."
A menacing little laugh interrupted Charlie's nervous prattling- crap, Vaggie had made her girlfriend nervous. Out from behind Charlie's chair crawled Niffty. Great. "Mr. Alastor said that? Oh, that doesn't surprise me at all. You know, sometimes, Mr. Alastor has me do his makeup for fun! And he made himself a pretty dress, guess what, it's the color of blood!"
"He has a dress?" Vaggie asked, a bit incredulously. Maybe she was reading into things, but there was still a weird silence that had fallen over them. Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other, wondering what their next steps were, all without saying a word. Niffty was too busy giggling about this whole thing. Of course she was.
"Well, thanks, Niffty," Charlie replied. She too was a bit surprised, and confused, all at once. Maybe she could talk to Vaggie in bed later about what she should do. Part of her said to not say anything, but part of her said to at least ask Alastor. Maybe he didn't have the right terms to express himself. Maybe saying it to his face was rude. Though, he did bring it up.
The little maid laughed again, suddenly wielding her needle as she chased a roach that scampered past Charlie's feet. "Mr. Alastor has a lot of secrets. Half of them, he doesn't know I know! I sneak into his room sometimes, late at night, to kill bugs, and to see what he's doing. He likes to dress up and he says he wishes he could be a woman like his maman."
Vaggie froze once more. Oh, well, that was pretty- yea. That wasn't good. She smiled, opening the door for Niffty to run out, but the maid stayed in, finding another bug to chase. "You know what," Vaggie said. "Hun, how about we head off to bed. I'm tired, and I think we should probably talk about some stuff, I think. Let's go."