Chapter Text
Makoto remembered their first conversation about it well. They were in elementary school at the time, playing during recess. Well, the other kids were playing while he and Haru had been instead sitting off to the side on the sidewalk in the shade under the trees. His best friend told him that he didn’t like how loud and rowdy the other kids were so he’d rather color than have to play around them. And as fun as the playground was, Makoto didn’t enjoy it as much without Haru with him.
“Haru-chan, what do you think we’ll present as?” They had just had a class about the very basics of presenting, puberty, and what to expect. The class may have been glossed over for their young ears but it still left a strong and fearful impression on Makoto.
“Does it matter?” His dark-haired friend didn’t glance at him, his hand never pausing in his coloring of a fish on the wide piece of paper set against the uneven pavement. Makoto wondered how Haru could be so nonchalant about it. He didn’t understand. To know that there was something about themselves that they didn’t know yet, something that could greatly affect their future but was totally out of their hands, was entirely too scary.
“Of course it does! I want to be the same as Haru-chan!”
Then those large blue eyes turned to him, regarding him deeply and without hesitation. “Will you still be with me if we present differently?”
“What? Of course, I will! Haru-chan is much more important to me than that! I only want to be with Haru-chan!”
“Then it doesn’t matter.”
Haru had been so sure, not a trace of concern. But Makoto was terrified. All he wanted was to be with Haru, to be together always. And in his young mind, as illogical as it might have been, he thought if they presented differently, the other boy would leave him.
Of course, Haru didn’t leave him. But Makoto’s fear of ‘the Change’ only grew stronger as time passed. To be honest, Makoto didn’t care what he presented as, as long as he wasn’t an Alpha. He knew what people thought about Alphas. There were only two prevailing thoughts about Alphas. One: They were looked upon as instinctual leaders, protector of others, the ones to face dangers willingly, to be the one everyone else looked to for guidance, to be the bravest and strongest, never to be the one who needed to be looked after, taken care of. Two: They were brutes with unparalleled strength and power, should be feared by anyone who dare cross them, could be volatile and dangerous, and even the best of them would have difficulty in controlling their urges.
So even just the thought of ever presenting as an Alpha, in either opinion of them, was daunting. The responsibility alone was terrifying. Besides, he knew he was a bit of a scaredy-cat. And Alphas were always described as powerful and intimidating. He didn’t want to be that; he couldn’t be that. And he was pretty sure Haru wouldn’t want him to be that either. So as long as he was an Omega or a Beta, like either of his parents, he decided he would be ok with it.
He was twelve when he went through the Change. Makoto was out with his parents and younger siblings when the smell of a stranger, an unmated Omega, overwhelmed him. His body felt hot and uncomfortable, he panted through the almost-pain as his canines elongated, and he urged the twins to stand back from him for their own safety, to go to their parents. He didn’t want to hurt them. But he had an overwhelming urge to run – to run away, to run as fast as his legs could carry him, to run and find that smell! It was a shock to his core when he realized he had snapped at his own parents to let him go.
So, he was not an Omega.
Makoto was so ashamed of his behavior with his parents, after the humiliating experience of his father needing to physically carry him back home, he locked himself in his room. Haru hadn’t gone through his Change yet but Makoto was already pretty sure the other boy would probably handle it better and with more grace than he himself did. Twelve years old and only a few hours into being a Beta and he already wasn’t good enough for Haru. He was not prepared for the feeling in his chest at the thought that his own best friend could be disappointed in him, or worse… scared of him.
“Makoto, it’s ok. Please open the door. I promise it’s ok. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a natural reaction and it was your first time. You’ll learn to control it.” He could hear his father saying gently behind the solid wood frame of his bedroom door. “You actually did very well for such a young Beta, protecting your siblings first before anything. You’re going to be strong, Makoto. I can tell. You might even be an Alpha with the amount of control you had.”
His tears came harder, faster. That wasn’t what he wanted! None of this was what he wanted!
Confessing to his best friend was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He thought Haru might not want to be his friend anymore after finding out about his unruly behavior. After finding out that his father even told him he might go through worse and be an Alpha when he grew up. Haru liked feeling safe, he liked calm and peaceful things, so why would he like Makoto anymore after all that?
“So?”
Makoto’s head whipped back up from where it hung low in shame. “Huh? ‘So?’ But Haru-chan…”
“Drop the –chan.”
“Haru~!” He whined, wiping his eyes with a tight fist as his anxiety slowly slipped away. What a normal conversation to have. Maybe Haru wouldn’t hate him after all.
“Makoto. Do you still like me?”
Gasping at his best friend’s question, Makoto nodded feverishly. “Y-yes! Of course I do!” Though as they got older, he was pretty sure that his soft-spoken best friend didn’t realize just how much Makoto liked him. He may have only been seven years old when he first confessed his feelings to Haru, and it was an adorable childish memory they both shared, but he still meant it. And Haru never offered his own in reply.
“Good. So it’s fine then, isn’t it?” And Haru smiled tenderly, just enough to soften his intense blue gaze. But for Makoto, it was worth the entire world.
Haru had been a late bloomer, or so his parents described him. He was nearly fifteen years old and in the last year of junior high when he presented. They were sleeping over at Haru’s house and staying up late since it wasn’t a school night. Makoto remembered that the house was particularly quiet, both of Haru’s parents having left for Tokyo already and his grandmother recently passed. Makoto’s parents honestly felt better about helping to look after Haru since Makoto took it upon himself to check in with his best friend so often. Haru may have been independent from a young age but even Makoto could tell that he didn’t always like being alone.
“Makoto?”
Hearing Haru call out to him, the taller teenager paused the movie and leaned to the side to try and peer into the kitchen where his best friend was getting snacks.
“Haru? Do you need help?”
“…Yes.”
Finding that a bit unusual, Makoto didn’t hesitate to leave the remote forgotten on the blanket and make his way into the kitchen. The sight that greeted him was not at all what he had been expecting. Instead of his friend needing help reaching a too-high shelf or in carrying a heavy load back into the living room, he found Haru on his knees as he gripped the handle of fridge tightly in both hands. His blue eyes hidden from sight as he winced, straining against an unknown pain.
“HARU!” Makoto rushed at him, ready to hold him or lift him up, but Haru’s voice stopped him.
“Wait, Makoto… I don’t think… You should touch me.” His soft, low voice was so breathy and heavy. Makoto couldn’t help but feel more than a little guilty at the stirring it caused in his body, despite his best friend being in obvious pain. And that’s when he noticed the scent. It wasn’t particularly strong but it was unique and new to his senses. It smelled incredible, whatever it was.
Rather than letting his body get distracted by the sight before him, Makoto focused himself on taking care of Haru. “W-what should I do? What’s wrong? Is it my fault?”
A gentle chuckle and Haru turned his blushing face over to his best friend. Makoto wanted to just touch him, hold him close, so bad at that very moment but he managed to restrain himself, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. “It’s not your fault, Makoto… But I think you should call your parents.”
Makoto hesitated. He wasn’t proud of it but it took honest effort to pull himself away from the dark-haired boy at that moment. The desire to kiss those softly smiling lips almost enough to shake his concentration. But the worry and the guilt were enough to pull him back to his senses. Haru was in pain, in need, and asking Makoto for help – and he refused to let him down!
His parents arrived faster than Makoto ever imagined. They split up once entering the Nanase home, the Omega immediately running into the kitchen where Haru was waiting, still clinging to the refrigerator for support, while the Beta escorted Makoto out the front door into the cool night air, much too calmly for his liking. He nearly bristled at his own father for his unruffled demeanor when something awful was obviously happening to his best friend!
“Dad, what is going on? Will Haru be all right? Should we take him to a doctor?” Having seen his mother sprinting in to check on his friend while they loitered outside made little sense to him and it was somehow aggravating. Standing here was NOT helping Haru!
“Calm down, son. Relax. I can smell you getting worked up.” His father placed a large hand on his shoulder, encouraging Makoto to take deep breaths, a little embarrassed. “It’s just fine, I promise.”
“Then what’s going on…?”
“It’s Haru’s first heat. You did very well, Makoto. We’re proud of you.” And he was, Makoto could tell by the smile. But he didn’t understand why that would make him feel proud?
“But… I didn’t do anything. Why would you be…?”
“That’s precisely why, son. I know it may be too early in his heat to smell him very well, especially for such a young Beta like yourself, but I’m sure you felt it. And you managed not only to stay away but you called for help. You did a good job.”
“Dad…” Makoto couldn’t help but blush and turn his eyes away as he felt his cheeks heat up. It took a moment for the reality to sink in that Haru was in heat and they could have… Makoto could have… “I couldn’t – I would never hurt, Haru. Ever.”
“I know,” was all his father offered him as they continued to wait in silence.
Haru didn’t actually start taking the heat suppressant pills until their swim team was formed their second year of high school. And although Makoto didn’t like the times of the year that Haru had to lock himself away in his home during his heats before being on the pills, effectively stopping even Makoto from visiting, he did at least miss his smell. While on the medication to prevent heat cycles, Haru’s smell was so much fainter, subtler, and harder to hold onto. When Makoto caught himself trying to save Haru’s smell on the blankets or pillow cases in his home rather than sending them through the wash, he knew he was in trouble. Despite his childhood crush never having left, he failed to realize until that moment that it had somehow, unbeknownst to him, escalated into much more. And he really wanted Haru to be his.
He took one last smell of the pillow Haru had used a few days ago before stripping the pillow case and adding it to the laundry pile. Makoto had to make a decision with his epiphany – what was he supposed to do now? Should he just confess to Haru? It could ruin their friendship if he didn’t feel the same way, if Haru felt uncomfortable around him because of his feelings. It could possibly even be the end to their small swim team that they both had come to love. And the swim team especially was too important for Haru right now for him to ruin, with how much happier his friend was in getting to swim again. But Makoto also hated the thought of not at least trying and eventually watching someone else steal Haru’s heart away.
Makoto was not ok with any of those possibilities. But he knew Haru was observant and much too smart not to catch Makoto’s strange behavior if nervously wavered back and forth with his feelings. And avoiding him was not an option – not that he could see himself staying away that long with how addicted he’d become. So while he wasn’t yet ready to brave the consequences of telling his best friend his feelings outright, he could at least do something about it.
“Oh, Makoto! Thank you for sorting the laundry. I’ll get it started if you can finish packing the lunches, please!”
“Oh sure, Mom,” he smiled at the Omega as they switched places with each other. Makoto headed into the kitchen to see four bento boxes laid out on the counter, all partially filled already with rice and grilled fish, the vegetables the only part left to do. He knew the two smaller boxes, covered in colorful stickers, were for Ran and Ren while the larger two plain boxes were for Haru and himself. Though Haru often packed his own lunch (with only rice and mackerel, much to his chagrin), Makoto’s family took it upon themselves to pack him one at least a few times a week to make sure he was eating properly. They took their role as surrogate parents to him pretty seriously, no matter how mature and responsible Haru was. At that Makoto couldn’t help but smile. Haru was already a part of his family so maybe the two of them becoming more wouldn’t be such a leap…
With that thought, he was struck with a brilliant idea. He finished Ran and Ren’s lunches quickly, leaving the napkin-note their mother always wrote for them on the top before tying it up. For Haru’s bento, he decided to make a few decorative adjustments to his food before pulling out the pen his mother just used for the twins’ note. It was always something special the Omega like doing for the twins and Makoto remembered it well himself when he was in elementary school. Their mom would either draw flowers or happy faces or maybe leave a short, encouraging phrase for the day on their napkin. Makoto stopped receiving them only when he started helping with completing the ones for his younger siblings, as if he were passing down the tradition.
Before he tied Haru’s bento up, he left the napkin with his note on the top of the lid. Maybe this would be a start. He could court him by bringing him food, as a proper grown-up would do for an Omega, even if he wasn’t going to come out and say it.
At lunch that day when Makoto told him that had bento lunches prepared for them both, Haru didn’t think twice about it. He handed the bento wrapped in a dark blue striped cloth over to him and watched with bated breath as his friend untied the knot in the fabric and took notice of the napkin on the top. He wrote, in the nicest handwriting he could manage considering the medium he had to work with, “have a great day!” with a little heart at the end. Makoto’s mother never drew hearts on the notes before for any of them but that’s probably who Haru figured had written it when the raven-haired boy set the napkin to the side and removed the lid from the food without a single word or glance.
His disappointment was brief, however, when he saw Haru pause at the little grape tomato. Instead of setting it in whole, Makoto had tried slicing it half at an angle and sticking it back together with half a toothpick in the shape of, what was supposed to be, a heart. The tomato had ended up being a little lopsided, however, with how hard it was to hold still without it rolling away. But he figured it still very much resembled a heart and Haru couldn’t possibly misinterpret that.
When Haru merely took it apart to eat it, still nary a comment or hint of eye contact, Makoto could only appease himself in thinking that at least the Omega he loved was eating the food he prepared for him. Even if he didn’t know it.
During the entire next week Haru thanked him for the bento, took a cursory glance at the napkin-note, and consumed the food like there was nothing out of the ordinary about it. Makoto always made sure to leave hearts on his notes and shape the tomatoes as little hearts as well, hoping that Haru would suddenly take notice. But instead Haru continued to ignore the signs. (Which was truly astonishing to Makoto seeing as he thought it was very obvious that he had been the one putting together their lunches with how everything inside the box seemed just a little messier.)
Considering his first efforts at courting received no negative reactions at least, he felt a little emboldened to push farther. He began yearning for Haru’s attention, even if it meant being more obvious with his courting. So Makoto decided more desperate measures were called for. And that included convincing Rei and Nagisa to eat elsewhere for at least one day, unbeknownst to Haru. Because if this last attempt didn’t even register a reaction from Haru, he would need to make a full confession.
Haru paused, much longer than usual, when he unwrapped the bento box and found something else set on top of the napkin. It was a small flat piece of hand-blown glass in the shape of a dolphin. The pale blue glass had a soft, wavy texture to it, as if made of water and was designed to be hung by the ribbon tied at the top to a window for light to reflect through it. Makoto thought it was beautiful, something perfect for Haru. The cool and collected Omega may have been able to see past the food he had been accepting from him, but surely gifts were a courting behavior he couldn’t possibly think came from his mother, right?
He stared as Haru carefully set the glass dolphin inside the cloth meant to be tied around the bento box for safe keeping. When he didn’t immediately return to the prepared lunch as normal, Makoto perked up in excited nervousness.
“Makoto.”
“Oh, um… Yes, Haru?” He smiled shyly, his eyes bright and eager.
“…What is today?”
Well, that wasn’t what he was expecting at all. Makoto had to blink a few times for his brain to reset and take in Haru’s question. The cool blue eyes waited patiently for his response. “What? Um, Thursday… Why?”
“…Did I forget a holiday or something?”
Haru seemed pretty serious all of a sudden and Makoto couldn’t tell where this came from. Was he not going to mention the notes? All of the hearts? The special gift? But Makoto had learned years ago to just follow Haru’s logic and see where it led him. “Not that I know of. Why, Haru?”
“You’ve been… extra affectionate lately.” Haru appeared almost shy, which was a rare enough occurrence even to Makoto’s eyes. The dark-haired boy’s eyes momentarily left his to glance down the glass dolphin, his hair falling slightly into his face as his head dipped down. Makoto thought he was beautiful like that. And it seemed that Haru eventually did notice his feelings at least, this knowledge giving the taller boy heart palpitations. “I wasn’t sure if I missed a special day or something important.”
“Oh… That.” Now was the time to confess his feelings! He just had to do it! Makoto was equally as frightened as he was enthusiastic and he could feel himself fidgeting in his spot, unable to stop himself. “Well, Haru. I… The thing is that… I want…”
“Makoto.”
“I-I’ve been trying to court you!” Makoto closed his eyes when he saw Haru’s own open wide in surprise at his exclamation. His worry escalating, he kept his eyes shut tight as he balled his hands into fists and rushed through his next words as fast as he could. “I’ve been the one preparing your lunch and leaving you the notes the entire past week. W-what I wanted – what I’ve been trying to say is – I have feelings for you, Haru! For a while now! A-and I wanted, well, I mean, I was hoping… I-I’d like you to, only if you wanted, to try maybe… dating… me… But only if you want to! If you think you could maybe feel the same way! I-I promise we’ll still be friends, even if-!”
“Makoto.”
It took a few breaths before he was calm enough to peek his eyes open to meet Haru’s. He didn’t sound upset at least. And not horrified either. In fact, his best friend look awfully calm and almost… confused? “Y-yes?”
Blue eyes blinked at him a few times before Makoto noticed he was blushing. With his nervous system and heart all in a tizzy, he experienced a flurry of emotion faster than he could keep up, from ‘he’s so beautiful like that’ to ‘oh my god did I break Haru’ at the sight of his best friend like that.
Haru licked his lips and slowly opened his mouth to ask, “…We weren’t already dating?”
Makoto gasped audibly, his back going rigid as he sat straight up. “Haru! W-what do you…?”
“You confessed your feelings to me in the second grade.”
It was Makoto’s turn to turn pink as he scratched an imaginary itch on his cheek in shyness. A flashback of a playground, daisies, and the promise he made immediately came to mind. “…Y-yeah, I remember that. I didn’t think you took me seriously at the time…”
“And didn’t I tell you yes?” Haru tilted his head as he studied the taller, fidgety teenager.
“…You only said ‘it was fine’ and… we were so young. I didn’t want to assume anything. Maybe you would feel differently now that we’re older.” Makoto finally raised his eyes to lock onto the other’s, his lips pulled into a hopeful smile. “Besides, you deserve to be courted and asked properly.”
“Then,” Haru started, leaning into Makoto’s space to lightly grasp his arm and kiss him quickly on the cheek. “Yes.”
Makoto had stars in his eyes and the goofiest grin on his face as he sat frozen in his spot, fondly watching his best friend – no, his boyfriend. Despite the small smile and blush on his own face, Haru turned back to his lunch, with only one more quick glance at Makoto, before opening the lid to see another heart-shaped tomato inside the box.
“Oh and Makoto.”
“Hm?” Makoto hummed, still in a happy, lovesick haze, having not moved a single centimeter from where he was when Haru kissed his cheek.
“…You can keep writing hearts on the notes too.”
“Haru-chan!”
Makoto’s next revelation came during their senior year when Haru had forgotten to take his heat suppressant pills a few days in a row. His boyfriend had started smelling so good, so damn good, all of a sudden that he had a hard time paying attention to anything other than Haru. The smell of no other Omega could come close to Haru’s. It was smooth, honeyed, and deep to Makoto’s senses, like sweet effervescent water. He stopped taking notes during class just so he could stare at the beautiful, raven-haired Omega. Makoto even insisted that they eat lunch separately from the rest of their friends, in private, so that they could have more time together. And he had never felt more distracted by how gorgeous those blue eyes, that silky hair, and that small pouting mouth than he did those few days.
And then the other symptoms started. When a classmate had turned to ask to borrow a pencil from Haru, Makoto had actually shot out of his seat and growled, really growled, at this completely innocent and friendly guy. Haru had been shocked, the class had been shocked, the teacher had been shocked. But none were more shocked (and absolutely mortified) than Makoto himself as he apologized profusely to the other student and ran from the classroom.
He hadn’t been surprised at all to find that Haru had followed him, of course. He noticed once the other caught up to him outside of the school gates that his boyfriend was even kind enough to pack both of their bags to bring them home, as he rightly assumed they wouldn’t be returning for the rest of the day.
“I-I’m sorry, Haru. I don’t know wha… what…” And Makoto stopped. His feet halted as they both came to a stop on the sidewalk and his brain momentarily shorted out as Haru stepped in close to him, closer than his seat in class had been. And that wonderful, enticing, delicious scent hit him even harder. Green eyes dilated as fangs elongated through a panting mouth.
“What is it?” Haru asked, completely unaware of how amazing he smelled, how much Makoto wanted him, how the need to claim him was overwhelming him, how much he wanted to keep everyone else away, at how much he was going to hurt anyone who dared to come near HIS Omega.
Makoto’s body started shaking as he realized what was happening.
“H-haru… Did you forget your pills today?”
“Oh. Yes.” Haru half-shrugged. “Ran out of them a few days ago. But I got my new order already and started taking them again this morning. Why do you… Makoto?!”
The taller teen was doubled over, clutching a hand over his nose and mouth as if to stop the alluring aroma of his Omega boyfriend from invading his senses. The large body was nearly shaking as he tried to keep himself under control. So Haru at least wasn’t going into heat since he only missed a few days’ worth; that was a relief. If it wasn’t a heat that he was reacting to, he knew the only other option to explain his sudden behavior. And Makoto did not like it.
But again he was completely distracted from his intensifying emotions over the revelation, as Haru still smelled amazing and the urges were simply getting stronger. Makoto wasn’t sure how much more his body could handle. Before he could do anything about the fear and grief he had for himself, he had to ensure Haru’s safety first.
“Makoto! Are you ok? What’s wr-?!”
“Haru,” Makoto cut him off with a firm growl, his voice held an unusual power behind it that even he could feel as he said it. He could only hope that Haru didn’t hate him for it, didn’t fear him because of it, that he might still love him despite it. Unwilling to look, he kept his eyes clenched tight. “Haru. You need to walk away. Slowly. Go home.”
“But… Makoto.”
“NOW, Haru.”
He didn’t see his dark-haired boyfriend slowly back up from him, retracting the arm that wanted to reach out to comfort him. But he could imagine the horror in those beautiful blue eyes. And his heart ached. Makoto remained there, squatted down on that empty sidewalk as the fragrance of the one he loved slowly disappeared around him. Knowing that his boyfriend was walking away without him made him want to follow, to track him down, keep him for himself, so incredibly badly that he had to clench every muscle in his body to stay in that exact spot.
Makoto knew at that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was what he most feared. He was an Alpha. What he didn’t know, however, was if Haru would still want to be with him now.