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It was all Moneypenny's fault. She was the one that implanted that infernal word in his head to begin with and started the downward spiral that lead to this humiliating mess. They were having lunch one day after she had blackmailed him into taking a break and the topic somehow turned to a certain double-oh agent.
“You can’t tell me you don’t favor him over the other agents. I see how you get when he goes on missions, you worry about him.” She needled him while they were halfway through their salads.
“I worry about all the double-oh agents, not just Bond. I personally oversee each of their missions.” Q argued.
“You don’t forget to eat or stay overnight when the others are gone though. Plus I know you’ve put yourself on the line to help him.” Moneypenny shot back.
“Oh, and you haven’t? Also, I’ve forgotten to eat while working on regular projects, Bond isn’t the cause of my bad habits.” Q deflected.
“I have, Bond has that effect on people, but he has even more of an effect on you. Admit it, Q, he’s your bae!” Moneypenny laughed gleefully while Q groaned.
“What is that godawful word you just used? No, never mind, I probably don’t want to know.”
“Do you live under a rock? Bae means ‘before anyone else’. It’s what young people call the most important person in their lives.” She asked exasperated.
“I was right I didn’t want to know.”
“Oh hush. You’re just grumpy because I’ve figured out your crush on double-oh-bae. Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.” Moneypenny laughed at the miserable glare Q gave her before digging into the main course that had just arrived at their table.
“I don’t have a crush on 007, and even if I did it wouldn’t effect my work.”
“Never said it would, just wanted you to admit you like him, he’s your bae.”
“Stop using that word.”
“Bae? No, I think I like it. I think you secretly like it, too. Oh my God, you’re blushing! You do like it! You like the idea of Bond being your bae!”
“Oh, do shut up! You’re right, is that what you want to hear? Can we drop this topic before I humiliate myself further?” Moneypenny frowned at that.
“Q, I’m not trying to humiliate you. Tease a little, yes, but not humiliate. I think it’s really sweet that you like Bond, and it’s obvious he cares about you. Mostly I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it. I know how hard it can be to sit in the office while their lives are on the line.” Q blinked, not quite expecting that. He cleared his throat and looked away embarrassed.
“Thank you, Eve. It is rather nerve-racking sometimes when he’s on a particularly dangerous mission, or when we lose contact. A shoulder to lean on would be very appreciated.”
“Good, I’m glad that’s settled. One more thing before we change topic though.” Eve had a huge grin on her face that made Q wary.
“What?”
“You have to say Bae at least once. It’s fun, just try it!” Q debated it for a minute before giving in, deciding that it couldn’t hurt anything.
“Fine. Bae.” He smiled, rather liking the way speaking the word felt. “Bae bae bae bae.”
“Told you it was fun.” Eve smiled and they went back to their respective meals, changing the topic to something lighter.
That was the beginning of the end really, because after that Q and Eve had dubbed Bond as ‘double-oh-bae’ whenever they talked about him in private. It became an inside joke of theirs. Eve never failed to make Q smile when he’d come into her office looking upset and she’d lean across her desk and ask “Is it the Bae?” to which the answer was usually yes. It was all fun and games until he royally screwed up in front of the entire Q-branch.
Bond had just returned from a mission and had headed straight to Q-branch to turn in what little was left of his equipment. He had gotten so bad at returning his weapons that Q promised to buy him a drink if he managed to bring all of it back in one piece. That lead to many exasperating attempts of 007 trying to convince his Quartermaster that bringing it back burnt to a crisp counted as being ‘in one piece’. Q hadn’t really slept in three days since Bond left for his mission and was half a zombie on his feet.
“I’m sorry, 007, better luck next time. I wanted equipment that is actually still functioning.”
“But you said one piece. This is one piece.” Bond smirked, like he won.
“Not good enough. You knew I wouldn’t accept this. You just like being a smart-ass.” Bond’s grin just grew and he shrugged his shoulders. Q just sighed and shook his head. They both turned to the door and saw Moneypenny and M walk in, heading for Q’s desk.
“Bond, you should be in medical right now getting your arm looked at.” M said in lieu of hello.
“It’s just a scratch, really, not worth medical’s time.” Bond replied, looking bored. “I’m sure you didn’t come all the way down here just to tell me that.”
“No, we came down here to tell Q to go home.” Moneypenny stated with a small smile.
“Seriously? I still have work to do-”
“That can wait until tomorrow when you’ve had a full night’s sleep. Moneypenny thought you’d be stubborn so that’s why I’m here. Go home and rest, Q, that’s an order.” M interrupted. Q shot Eve a look of betrayal that she just ignored. Bond laughed and Q turned to glare at him. He straightened up and stood, only to wobble in place a bit. 007 reached out a hand to steady him, but Q just batted it away.
“Yes. Well then. I guess I am a bit more tired than I thought. If you don’t need anything else…”, Q looked towards M, who just shook his head in response, “Then I will see you all tomorrow. Do try not to cause anymore trouble until then, double-oh-bae.”
He grabbed his jacket and headed to the door, not even realizing what he had said until the agent called after him. That’s when he turned and saw the whole room staring slack jawed at him.
“What did you just call me?” Bond asked, looking a little amused and a lot lost. A glance at Eve showed that she shared his horror, but there was a hint of amusement under it. Traitor.
“Nothing, 007, just a meaningless slip of the tongue. I’m tired.” Q tried to play it off unsuccessfully. Bond started walking towards him and he debated running for a second, before he reasoned that any attempt to run would just add to his embarrassment when Bond caught him. Which he would. A double-oh agent against a scrawny boffin was a laughable attempt.
“No, I think it does mean something based on the fact that your whole posture screams regret and the tips of your ears are turning red. Why did you call me ‘bay’? I doubt you are referring to the body of water, but I don’t know what else a bay could be?”
“It doesn’t mean anything, 007, you’re overthinking it. Now if you’ll excuse me-” Bond grabbed his arm and hauled him in close, effectively dashing any hope of escape. He kept his hold on Q as he turned to one of the minions that he knew was petrified of him. He put on one of his most sinister smiles.
“Do you know what bay means?” The poor minion looked about ready to pass out, not wanting to sell out his boss, but also afraid of refusing the deadly killer. He shakily nodded his head, refusing to look either men in the eye. Bond waited for a minute before growling impatiently “Well? Tell me.”
“Bond this is a little ridiculous, let go of your Quartermaster.” M cut in, trying to manage the situation, although he was just as confused as Bond about the strange slip of the tongue. Q was never happier to hear his voice, and he became hopeful that he was saved when the grip on his arm loosened. The hope shattered a second later when M continued talking. “Now, Q, I doubt 007 is going to let this go anytime soon, so why don’t you save us all some grief and just tell him what the word is.”
Q was going to kill Moneypenny for ever starting this. He couldn’t tell Bond, it would ruin everything! The room fell silent as everyone waited for an answer and Q refused to speak. M sighed after a minute when by.
“Moneypenny.”
“Yes, sir?” Eve replied looking nervous.
“Are you familiar with this word?” Eve and Q exchanged pained looks, knowing where this was headed.
“Yes, sir. I was the one who taught it to him. It’s an American slang term.” Bond and M both turned intrigued faces toward her.
“What does it mean, Moneypenny?” Eve shot an apologetic look towards Q before answering.
“It means ‘before anyone else’. It’s a term of endearment.” M looked like he was regretting his life choices, while Bond’s face lit up with a huge smirk.
“Didn’t know you cared, Q. Does that mean I’m your favorite?” Q buried his face in his hands, before turning and walking away.
“It means I’m sleep deprived and making terrible decisions. I’m going home.” He was stopped once again by words.
“You know, Bond, you have no room to tease considering what your secret nickname for him is.” Moneypenny threw out there, much to the displeasure of the agent.
“You said-”
“I also told Q I wouldn’t tell you his, but considering the circumstances it’s only fair. An eye for an eye.”
“Do I even want to know?” Q groaned. “It’ll probably just make this all the more humiliating.”
“QT.” Eve said with a smirk. Q blinked.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“QT, he calls you QT because he thinks you’re adorably cute and it works into your title.” This time it was Q’s turn to stare at Bond, who wouldn’t meet his eyes. He gave a small huff, which then turned into hysterical laughter. M muttered something about ‘idiots’ before he left the room with Moneypenny in tow. Bond looked completely unamused as Q continued to laugh.
“It really isn’t that funny.” He said, finally looking into Q’s eyes. Q’s laughter died out and he turned pink.
“No, it isn’t. I’m just glad I wasn’t the only one with a silly name.” Q tilted a little and Bond reached out to keep him upright, not getting batted away this time.
“Seems like we are equally enamored with each other. Maybe we should talk about it sometime over drinks.” He smiled down at the exhausted Quartermaster as he guided him out of the building. Q grumbled about cheating and broken equipment the whole way.
“Let’s get you to bed, Q.”
“Quite forward, don’t you think, Bond? At least buy me dinner first.” Q mumbled as he was herded into a cab.
“Just sleeping, Q. At least for tonight. Then we can talk about that dinner.” 007 said with a wink. Q just snorted, having trouble keeping his eyes opened at this point. He didn’t even question how Bond got his address when he found himself ushered through the door to his apartment. He slipped his shoes off with plans to collapse in bed, still fully clothed, while he watched Bond make himself comfortable on his couch.
“You’re staying?” He asked curiously.
“If you don’t mind. I figure that way we can actually talk about this tomorrow without all of Q-branch watching.” Q nodded his head, wondering how he’ll scare his minions into silence tomorrow.
“Good idea.” He turned toward his bedroom and made to go inside before a brief bout of insanity had him turning around. “You don’t have to sleep on the couch you know. There’s plenty of room on the bed.” Bond raised an eyebrow at him before getting up and following Q into his room. They both climbed into the bed and Q snuggled closer, instantly half asleep. Bond wrapped his hands around Q pulled him to his chest.
“Night, Bae.” Q whispered before finally nodding off. Bond smiled and kissed the top of Q’s head before replying with a soft, “Night, QT.”, and slipping into sleep himself.