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Beyond the cocoon of safety that is Jiwoo’s house, the sky outside is a sheet of grey. There is a quiet, almost indistinct rumbling in the distance; the first sign of the impending monsoon. Perched on the windowsill, Kayden watches the subtle shifts of the clouds silently. His instincts in this accursed cat form are far duller than the usual, even so, he can pick up the static gathering in the air. He gazes out of the window, feels the charge gather, picks up every change of the energy in the air. He feels every shift, anticipates every strike of lightning before he sees it, accepting the power curling around him. He yearns for it; desperately misses this power that was once within his grasp. Once, he’d only had to extend a finger to summon the force of thousand such storms; Now, the same power slips past his outstretched paw.
All he can do is remain perched at the windowsill, unable to transform, one paw resting on the pane with the pitter-patter of the rain to mock at him.
That’s how Jiwoo finds him, no more than five minutes later, watching the first drops of rain roll down the glass. The tinkling of the windchimes by the front door had already alerted Kayden of Jiwoo’s presence; he watches now as Jiwoo enters the living room, shaking out the water in his hair and reaching for the kittens’ feeding bowls.
“If you were going all the way to the store, you should’ve at least carried an umbrella with you”
Jiwoo looks up as Kayden speaks; pausing in the middle of removing the rest of the groceries and cat food from the bag. Beside where he is crouched, brown kitten swipes at him impatiently for the cat food.
“The store’s not exactly far from here, Mr Kayden, there was no need” he answers, bemusedly
Despite himself, Kayden feels a flicker of irritation. In the two weeks he has known the boy, his lack of self preservation seems to know no limits. Kayden had thought perhaps it was the novelty of the awakened world that had led to this carefree attitude of recklessly challenging the Shinwa boy, of carelessly picking a feud with the Klein brothers. Now, it seemed to him, that Jiwoo Seo simply spared little thought to his own wellbeing
“Had you been a few minutes late, you would’ve been trapped in the rain for god knows how long” he huffed, “Not to mention, it would be painfully easy for your enemies to get the better of you if you fell sick”
Jiwoo continued to give him that silly, bewildered look as though Kayden was the one being dense between the two of them
“It’s nothing I’m not used to Mr Kayden; I’ve taken care of myself when I’ve been sick before, really, its nothing new” he answers, hesitatingly
Kayden hates it when Jiwoo says things like these. Whispered confessions such as these are only a cold reminder of an uncaring world; within seconds, they pull Kayden out from the warmth of Jiwoo’s house, to the cold & echoing spaces of abandoned churches and buildings he has briefly taken shelter in.
Kayden despises looking at Jiwoo and seeing a reflection of his own loneliness.
“That’s no excuse to be so cavalier, Jiwoo” he sighs, “Go and change quickly, I want to show you a faster way of moving your power to decrease the damage to your body”
Jiwoo beams, all traces of awkwardness gone now; he speeds away happily blabbering away once again about minuscule things; the kittens he saw on the way, a project in school he’s been working on, his excitement to see Wooin & Jisuk tomorrow.
Despite himself, Kayden feels a sense of fondness for the boy. In all the 14 days since he’s been reduced to this state, not once has Kayden had to worry that Jiwoo will cast him out, will take advantage of him. There are no wards around this quaint little house, none of Kayden’s usual protective measures and yet, it feels safer than any other place he has resided.
In another space, Kayden would be doing anything to be able to gather the power he feels around him, to be undefeatable again. Here, he gives himself the luxury of patience and rest, allows his body to naturally start accepting the power again.
Kayden knows the awakened world has no mercy for the weak, so the least he can do is ensure Jiwoo will never be regarded as weak. He hears Jiwoo shift around upstairs, hears the light sneezing. Kayden curls about the window sill, waiting for Jiwoo to come down.
Today, he will teach him the better suited force control. Tomorrow, perhaps he will gather his little power and transform to make some soup for Jiwoo before the boy gets pneumonia or something.
“Jisuk, I told you we were going to watch a horror movie today! No flakeouts now you coward!” Subin screams, the pillow Jisuk throws at her doing nothing to obstruct her protests
“Absolutely not! We agreed to have game night, not movie night! And if we are doing movie night, then I’m picking; you know, Subin, sometimes in life we don’t always get what we want and it’s my responsibility to teach you that-”
He would’ve continued monologuing had it not been for Subin throwing herself at the remote, nearly kneeing him in the chest.
“I really wanted to watch that horror movie” Wooin pouts, Jiwoo shouting his agreement
Subin gives them her undivided attention as they dissolve into deciding if they should watch the exorcist? No, perhaps ‘The haunting of hill house’ then?
Jisuk’s protests join the fray as the four of them dissolve into more animated chattering
Perched on the sofa’s armrest, Kayden quietly watches them. Belatedly, he wonders if these kids know how noisy they are. If he told Jiwoo as much, he knows the kid will simply laugh it off. Then again, he supposes that this is the natural way of sleepovers; Kayden wouldn't know. He has never fooled around with peers, much less stayed over with them. When you spend a lifetime coveting power, you learn more about sleeping with one eye open than you do about sleepovers. These kids have no such scruples; they trust each other & protect each other with their lives, not a single bone of maliciousness in them.
Kayden wonders if they know how lucky they are, to afford to be so trusting & carefree.
As the night deepens, their movie progresses & chittering slows until quiet snores fill the room. It feels strangely domestic; even stranger for Kayden to be a part of this unfamiliar warmth. Stranger still, is the fact that he likes it. It has been years since Kayden did not have to live on the edge, months since he has challenged any awakened ones, since he has uprooted his old life. Here, surrounded by Jiwoo’s kittens, leftover snacks & haphazard belongings, he feels strangely at peace. Here, he can covet his power without pushing it.
Kayden curls into the sofa, closes his eyes & wonders if it is wise to let his guard down like this.
In hindsight, he should’ve seen it coming. He knew better than anyone that in the world of the Awakened ones, peace was nothing but a fragile pretence. The Kayden who had challenged ranker after ranker, the one who saw the Top 10 as yet another benchmark, would’ve seen it coming. That Kayden would’ve known better than to go to sleep when Jiwoo left the house. That Kayden wouldn’t have wasted any time when Jiwoo did not return as he usually did.
No amount of vengeance enacted can undone what has been done. Supil Kang will never be a threat again; but as Kayden sits by Jiwoo’s hospital bed watching him cry silently, he cannot help but think that killing Supil Kang had been no remedy at all. All these years spent honing his power only for it to make no difference.
He’d let his guard down, taken the power for granted, gotten too used to this peaceful life and his fallacy had been returned in spades.
He doesn’t tell Jiwoo any of this. Instead, he pats the kid’s head, mutters “You’re thinking way over yourself. Just rest for now”
As Jiwoo sleeps, Kayden pushes down the helplessness & loathing that rises like bile at the back of his throat. Instead, he picks up his phone and makes a call.
In all honesty, he’d never imagined he’d see Kartein again. Kartein preferred his solitude and the two of them hardly had any reason to keep in contact, no matter how attractive Kayden found him. Even now, as Kartein descends, unimaginably beautiful amidst the wreckage of his fight with Vatore, Kayden finds it uncanny that he chose to stay in South Korea. He feels strangely self aware under Kartein’s scrutiny, even more so since they have an audience, only a few feet away.
Clearing his throat, he asks, “You came?”
Kartein stops scrutinising him, apparently satisfied that he was in one piece, nodded, “I came to see if you were hurt, but you seem to be fine….though you’ve caused quite the mess”
And well, Kayden isn’t sure if he should feel pleased or chagrined. Even as Kartein turns to survey Vatore, makes an offhand comment, Kayden can only stop to think that this is the only time anyone came to ask about his well being after a fight.
“Hey, let’s go home” Kartein says. Kayden turns to follow, leaps into the night, doesn’t miss the flash of concern in Kartein’s eyes.
“You got lucky, you know”
The words pull him out of his concentration, wisps of blue curving to a halt. Kartein is seated on the couch, gazing down at him, a small furrow between his eyes. This late into the night, the house is quiet; Jiwoo had stayed up later than usual, eyes shining as he asked Kayden about the fight over and over again, laughing in delight & relief. Kartein had been the one to pull the stops, reminding him to eat & ordering Jiwoo to bed.
Kayden himself finds that he cannot go to sleep. Perhaps it was the lingering adrenaline from the fight, perhaps it was the disbelief of returning to a raucous home instead of an abandoned haunt to lick his wounds. He’d done what he usually did; started practising force control
He turns to Kartein now, part irritation & part curiosity, “What do you mean?”
There is none of Kartein’s usual vitriol as he answers, only a forced casualness, “Had it not been for Jiyoung Yoo, you would have been seriously injured against Vatore. That was reckless, even for you”
Kayden should feel patronised, irritated by the implication; all he can feel is an unpleasant sense of acceptance.
“You know me better than to think I’d walk away from a challenge, however lopsided” he tries for bravado, his own voice sounding strained to his ears
Had it been Jiwoo, he probably would’ve gotten away with it; Kartein only narrows his eyes and leans forward
“All I know is that you no longer have the freedom to go haywire, Kayden. If you do, Jiwoo will be the first to bear it’s brunt”
This time, he really does feel irritation. Kartein has no idea about the circumstances that brought him into their lives, yet preaches from his bubble of safety?
“ This fight was for Jiwoo. I’d have thought you’d understand; I cannot afford to let them see me as weak, it will give the vermin more incentive to hurt Jiwoo” he grits out
Kartein simply gives him a pensive look, unfazed by his irritation, “I do understand that; what I was driving at, is it would act in your benefit to use Shinwa’s protection in such situations. Think about it, not only do they gain from defending against an external threat, in return you waste less of your power and Jiwoo remains safe” he explains
Kayden gazes at him in surprise; of everyone, he’d never thought Kartein would be the one to suggest he accept external help.
“This way, you don’t have to recklessly fight to the death” Kartein finishes, gazing out of the window
‘Like you used to’
Well, isn't that just-
The desperation to return to his full power while also protecting the sense of belonging & safety he’d found with Jiwoo and Kartein gnaws at him. Every time he feels himself getting used to the peace, memories of that night resurface; of holding Jiwoo’s bloody, barely breathing body. Kayden wishes he could find a middle ground somewhere; could following Kartein’s advice truly help with that?
Before he speaks, he studies Kartein, watches the light from the lamp reflected in his pale, clear eyes. The interplay of light & shade throws his cheekbones into prominence, bringing out the brightest blue in his eyes. So much of his beauty, Kayden thinks, rests beyond his physical appearance. It shines, in the curve of his back, pride woven in seams; it shines amidst the soft smiles he gives when he thinks no one is looking. It’s those moments of unparalleled beauty that threaten to overwhelm Kayden, making him wonder why he did not call him sooner.
Without much fanfare, he transforms back into human, smiles up at Kartein, as he says, “Well, you certainly sound awfully concerned about my wellbeing”
Kartein huffs, but Kayden knows him well enough to discern the amusement underneath.
“If anything happens to you, Jiwoo will never stop breathing down my neck. Besides, worrying so much doesn’t suit a bastard like you”
Kayden laughs, pushes himself up, kneels up and over Kartein. Kartein raises his brow, but cannot stop himself from falling back on the couch, Kayden looming over him.
Kayden grins down, moves closer, runs his fingers through Kartein’s hair and brings his palm to rest at the nape of Kartein’s neck, thumb idly brushing against his cheek.
“So you’ll do the worrying for me now, Kartein?” he whispers, watching the expressions dance on Kartein’s face
Despite the light flush he can see on Kartein’s face, despite the wide eyes, Kartein’s voice is even as he answers, “You can rest once in a while, you know” and then, without warning, transforms into his scrawny cat form
Kartein leaps down from the couch, walks away as he says, “Good night, Kayden” and doesn’t look back even once, every step brisk and aloof once again
Kayden watches him leave before resigning himself to force control once again. He wonders if this time, the peace is not as fragile as he thinks. Perhaps, the need to curl the wisps of power around him will fade with strengthened safety. He ponders, but finds no answer.
In terms of grandeur, the Union falls in equal footing with Shinwa. Their hospital wing is massive and the rows of corridors that lead to the exit are befuddling & impressive in equal amounts. Having spent the last couple of days in these very corridors, Kayden is accustomed to them, making their way to the exit in no time. Behind him, Kartein trails, exhausted from healing Subin’s grandfather.
Kayden looks back, slows down, not missing the way Kartein nearly drags his feet from exhaustion. From his peripheral vision, he sees Kartein rub his temples again, no doubt nursing the headache he gets every time he overexerts himself. As they walk, Kayden notices more, the start of dark circles under Kartein’s eyes, the way he subtly turns away to yawn. Kayden feels a twinge of guilt for goading him into this, even though he had merely acted as a catalyst for what was already there.
“Will you open the door or will you keep staring?” Kartein peers up at him, one eyebrow raised, lips curving up to the tiniest smirk
Kayden will never admit that he is startled to find that they are already facing the exit door. Absolutely not. Its ridiculous for an awakener of his power.
Kartein only shakes his head as he pushes past him, smiling lightly. The jerk.
“Soooo should I tell them to come to you the next time they need help” he teases, very pleased as Kartein’s smug look is replaced with chagrin and borderline horror
“Absolutely not! What on earth are you saying” he snips, then adds almost melancholily, “This place…is full of trouble”
“And yet you continue to stay here”
“Only because you’d probably make that poor boy more reckless than ever” Kartein huffs back
Kayden smiles, finds himself staring once again as the sun’s rays envelop Kartein, making his hair look like spun gold. The light only accentuates Kartein’s already ethereal presence, even as he himself winces at the same.
Again, he feels the sudden urge to stop, to be painfully honest, lay bare all his fears and hopes to perhaps the only person who will both listen and understand. He settles for simply smiling gently for once, and says, “True, what would we do without you”
Kartein gives him the wide eyed look, but this time Kayden does not look at him, only walks ahead.
Despite what Kartein says, Kayden knows he has grown fond of this little place. Who wouldn't? Kayden doesn’t remember ever walking through a street without looking over his shoulder. Here, he can trust Kartein to watch it.
And when they go home, he can trust Jiwoo to turn an ordinary day into a memorable one.
From where he sits, Kayden can easily make out the slow drip of the IV fluid. The familiarity of the scene is jarring; where once Kayden had sat, staring down at Jiwoo, he now stares at Kartein.
Kayden wonders exactly where he slipped up. That night when Kartein left the house, should he have stopped him then?
Should he have gone to Astra first instead, finishing this mess before it started?
Had he told Kartein that despite his insistence on working alone, he'd began to look for him, rely on him. That despite himself, he wanted nothing more than to keep him near; then, would Kartein have stayed?
All he knew was that any predicament would have been better than this.
Kartein's eyes are closed, breathing even. It is not uncommon for Awakened ones to rest for days when they overexert their powers. That was the norm for children though, not adults and definitely not fit a top 50 ranker. With the scale at which Kartein had used his powers, Kayden knew there was no telling when he'd wake up.
If asked, Kayden couldn't even pinpoint the moment he felt Kartein's senses go dark. All he knew that he'd been awake throughout the fight with Astra; he'd turned around expecting to be met with a quip and was instead greeted with silence.
Kayden moves his chair, closer to the bed; Shinwa's specialists said this needed self recovery, they could only wait. So Kayden stayed; stayed and waited. He'd always been the one to watch Kartein's back, he wasn't about to flake on that now.
Idly, he notices that Kartein’s hair is sweeping over his face; he'd hate that, always carefully keeping his hair in artfully cut layers. He reaches, brushing his hair over to the side, letting his palm linger on Kartein's cheek.
Through the massive window that decorates the hospital room Kayden sees the clouds gathering, feels the electric static of a storm gather.
He reaches for the power and it snakes around him, familiar but still, out of his reach.
Kayden looks at the darkening sky and wonders why others have to pay the price for his weakness.
Had he never eased up in the comfort of Jiwoo's house, had he been at full power, Jiwoo would never have to live through that night.
Kartein would never have found the need to go to Astra, to placate him.
Idly, he strokes circles on Kartein's wrist; atleast the pulse is steady. He wonders if he'll ever find it in himself to let his guard down again.
He wonders what Kartein would say to these thoughts.