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Austin wasn’t too sure how much longer he could keep this up.
Shann should be his number one priority, she had just given birth to their child.
And yet, somehow, that still didn’t affect the way Austin viewed his relationship with Robby.
There was still this tension whenever they were alone, when they’d brush up next to each other. Even the simplest touch would turn Austin into a hormonal mess, and he had genuinely started to wonder if it was all just in his head. If Robby still felt something when he was around, or if Austin was just loosing his shit.
Austin wasn’t a liar. He’d never lie, and was proud of that.
Except there was nothing to be proud of.
He was a liar. He had lied.
He’d lied that day when Shann asked if he’d slept with Robby, lied after they had sex and he told her it was his first time, lied all those times he told her he loved her more than anyone, and no one would ever compare to her.
Sometimes that was all his relationship with Shann felt like. A lie. One big lie Austin told himself, thinking if he tells himself enough times it’ll be true. Thinks if he tells Shann he and Robby didn't have sex that night then it never actually happened, because he doesn’t lie, especially not to those he loves.
Shann and Robby were still on good terms by the time Arek turned one. In fact, Austin began to think Shann talked more to Robby than him, confided in him more for emotional needs too. And Robby was always there to listen. Even if they were both in love with the same guy.
Robby and Austin only had sex once. That night in Robby’s apartment, getting high and drunk together. It never happened again after that.
Of course, until it did.
The tension between the two only grew, and by the time Arek was almost one, Austin decided he needed to actually confront whatever was going on. He couldn’t just ignore it, which was admittedly what he had originally planned to do. He had to face it head on.
He missed Robby. He was always there, but not in the way Austin wanted him to be. Austin wanted to hold him again, kiss him again, touch him, have sex with him. He began to fantasize about it, being intimate with Robby. He recalled the events of that night almost daily. It was shameful. He was still the same horny teenager he had been a couple years ago.
Austin was sure that one day, given the dirtbag he was, he would break and kiss Robby, or something like that. Just wanting to have him again. Because as shameful as it would be, it would be their shame. A shame just between him and Robby.
As much as Austin didn’t feel like it was true, he has a massive fucking ego. Deep down he knows he should worry about the very reasonable possibility Robby rejects any advances he may or may not make. He had every reason to. And yet, Austin's sure that won't happen. He doesn’t even know why he’s sure, he just is.
So, despite having a girlfriend, a child with said girlfriend, and a religious nutcase living with them whose made it pretty crystal fucking clear what her opinion is on homosexuals, Austin kissed Robby again one day. It felt so good, so electric. And he hated that. He hated how right it felt. How different it was compared to Shann.
Robby didn’t move or say anything once Austin pulled away. Just stared at him intently. Which was to be expected, Austin had just kissed him. But he began to feel anxious regardless. This was either going to be the best moment of his life or the worst.
After a few more seconds of agonizing silence, of pleading that he would just say something, Robby connected their lips again. Austin grabbed the sides of Robby’s face, trying to pull him closer as if they weren’t already attached by the lips. Robby tangled his hands in Austin’s hair, which Robby had laughed at the first time they met.
They had been standing in the doorway, of which anyone who walked by could see them, kissing and fondling each other. Despite the immense risk, Austin couldn’t help but feel like it almost added more to the excitement. He had some nerve, that’s for sure.
Soon, Robby grabbed Austin’s hand and pulled him into his room.
Austin remembered that night just how alive he felt when he was with Robby. He didn’t feel scared or anxious anymore. Just happy. Happy and horny, the perfect mixture for Austin.
Naturally, that wasn’t the last time he and Robby had sex together. Not by a long shot. They had to have a serious talk, of course, about what exactly they were going to do, Austin having a child and all. However, they came to the conclusion that they loved each other, though Austin had a hard time admitting it.
He ended up saying it one day, though. When they were both nineteen, he told Robby he was in love with him. And Austin really meant it. He knew he meant it.
Shann started getting suspicious after that. They had kept it on the down low until then, but soon enough, they became far more affectionate and touchy.
When Arek turned 4, he had walked in on Austin and Robby having sex, and of course, was confused. Austin hated that one of the first things he told his son was to not tell anyone, but what other choice did he have? After giving Arek a very simplified and kid-friendly explanation of intercourse, he sent the boy back to his room.
Austin to this day is still unsure if Arek kept his promise to not tell or if he slipped up and revealed his Dad’s dirty secret, but either way Shann knows. How could she not? Over the years it became obvious her and Austin’s love was diminishing, and Shann couldn’t ignore the looks of something strong and passionate between the two young men. It made her want to throw up every time she saw it. She wanted to cry her eyes out when she began to recognize the loving and almost lustful gazes between the two. She had realized a long time ago her boyfriend's relationship with his best friend wasn't exactly platonic, but she had never agreed to all this.
Shann was always be the bad guy in her son’s mind too, she could tell. All Arek knew was his Dad and Robby were happy and in love, and his mom was just a petty bitch who was obsessed with their relationship. It was true Shann would ask Arek inappropriate questions about Robby and Austin, even from a young age. Asking if they ever spent nights in bed together or touched each other weirdly. But Arek would never budge. Never give Shann the answer she was looking for. Never give her the answer she so desperately needed to finally get some sort of closure.
Instead she was forced to watch as the father of her child slipped away into the grasp of another.
Or maybe this entire time she was the 'other' to Austin and Robby's relationship.