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Being a villain is difficult — but not in the ways you'd expect.
The running from the government is not the hard part. The crime isn't the hard part. The fighting isn't even the hard part. No, it was more who Joel's fighting — Etho. Quite easily the most irritating person that's ever tried to stop him. Joel's archnemesis.
Well, self-proclaimed archnemesis. Joel wanted him dead. Etho just wanted to do his job.
It was infuriating, genuinely. Joel was the most wanted person and had a million-dollar bounty out for his head, yet Etho still never seemed to take him seriously. And it was so much more annoying because every other hero — literally every single one of them — was terrified of him. It was funny, honestly, the way they trembled when he was near.
Except when it came to Etho. Stupid, fearless Etho.
Etho, who laughed at his threats as if they were jokes, who leaned in dangerously close as if Joel couldn't kill him in a flash, who went easy on him as if he were new to this. Etho always let him go, too. He pretended like he didn't, but he did. Joel knows he always leaves the restraints around his wrists a little too loose, or he leaves him alone for a little too long, or he conveniently forgets the cuffs that stop Joel's powers.
And he can't even call him out on it, because if Etho ever did turn him in, he'd be dead. So he takes the win given to him with clenched fists, silently seething.
The next time he fights Etho, he puts a little more effort into it. Summons more fireballs, aims better, et cetera. Etho puts up a good fight, like usual — they go back and forth for a good while, ice and fire, arrows and daggers. Then, finally, because of pure dumb luck, nothing more and nothing less, Etho ends up with an arrow trained at Joel's head.
"I'm going to tie you up now," Etho warns him as he draws closer towards him.
"Kinky." Really, Etho should've seen that one coming.
Etho rolls his eyes, entirely unamused by him. "I have an arrow pointed at your head right now," he reminds him. "Don't make me shoot it."
"You wouldn't dare," Joel says, raising an eyebrow, because it's true. Never once has Etho made good on his threats on his life.
"Or would I?"
"You wouldn't. You like having me around too much."
"Yeah, right," Etho scoffs. He walks closer to Joel, arrow pointed carefully at his head the entire time, and as soon as he's close enough to touch, he lowers the bow. Joel immediately goes to summon his fire but Etho catches his wrist before he gets the chance, easily snapping on the stupid cuffs that restrained his power. Etho sighs, relaxing. "Finally."
"I will kill everything you love," Joel swears.
"Sure you will," he says casually, leaning against the wall opposite Joel as he glares at him. "Don't try to escape," Etho warns him, levelling him with a look.
"Or what?" he challenges.
Etho raises an eyebrow, waving his bow around without a care in the world. The weapon is familiar in his hands, and he's never once been cautious with it. Why should he be? It was made for him, after all. "What do you think?"
Joel narrows his eyes. "Bet I could dodge your arrows."
"Not handcuffed."
"Shoot me and we'll find out."
Etho rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to shoot you right now. That's just cruel. You're practically a sitting duck."
"So you don't think I could avoid them?"
"I guess we'll never know," he says. "Because I'm not going to shoot you."
"Coward," he mutters under his breath.
Etho stands up a little straighter. "What did you just call me?"
Joel grins at that, at the fact that the provocation actually worked for once. He continues on, watching the way Etho seems to have stiffened and resisting the urge to preen in satisfaction. "Think you heard me just fine."
Etho walks closer, staring him down as he does. "Is it really the smartest idea to be calling the person who has you handcuffed a coward?"
Joel rolls his eyes. "Please, you're not going to do anything to me." The consequences of letting a villain go every time — they know they're not in any real danger.
"I could," he points out, eyes are narrowed at him.
"But you won't," Joel taunts, and if he could, he'd be patting Etho on the shoulder right about now. "You're too much of a goody-two-shoes, aren't you?" he coos. "You would never turn me in."
"I would," Etho denies
"Then why haven't you yet?" Joel challenges.
"Maybe I like leaving you in suspense," he answers.
"More like you like seeing me tied up, you freak," he mutters.
Etho shrugs. "Maybe."
Joel blinks. "Excuse me?"
"What, you're allowed to make jokes but I'm not?" he says, raising an eyebrow. A joke. Obviously it's a joke. Obviously. "Joel?" Etho asks, looking almost a little concerned, which feels so wrong coming from the one person Joel hates more than anyone. "...You good?"
"Shut up," he mutters under his breath, clearing his throat. "I want to kill you so bad."
"I know," Etho says fondly.
"The second I'm out of these cuffs I'm going to rip out your throat with my teeth," he tells him seriously.
"Kinky," Etho deadpans.
Joel makes a face. "Pervert."
"Oh, come on, you have made way dirtier jokes than that," he says.
"I would never!" he says, and, again, he would put his hand on his heart if he weren't handcuffed. This is really cutting down his options — that's something they don't tell you about being restrained. It really puts a damper on your ability to express your emotions. You don't really know how much you gesture with your hands while speaking until you can't do it anymore, unfortunately.
"You called me daddy last week," Etho reminds him, voice flat.
"No regrets," Joel says. "And, oh, if you think that's bad—"
"You once offered me a blowjob in exchange for me letting you go," Etho continues on with the reminders, cutting off Joel's sentence without so much as missing a beat.
Joel frowns. "Well, that time wasn't a joke. I was fully serious."
Etho rolls his eyes once again, slinging his bow back to its usual position behind his back so that he can cross his arms. "Uh huh."
"Offer still stands, by the way," Joel says, shit-eating grin growing on his face as he steps a little closer. He glances down at his handcuffs, and waves them around a little. "You know, I don't need my hands to—"
"Don't finish that sentence," Etho interrupts, raising his eyebrow. "You know I'm not letting you go."
Yeah, right. The two of them both know that that's not true. But it's not like either of them are going to acknowledge the fact that Etho's been letting his guard down purposefully for the past few months whenever he manages to catch Joel. "I knew you'd say that," he sighs, shaking his head woefully. "You've got too much of a justice boner."
Etho blinks. "A what?"
"Justice boner. It's a thing. Look it up."
"...You know I don't actually work for the government, right?" he asks after a moment, a hint of amusement creeping into his tone.
Joel tilts his head to the side. "It's cute you think I care."
Etho, for some reason, gags at this. "If you ever call me cute again, I will call the other heroes on you."
"So you're fine with daddy but not cute. Interesting."
"Don't make me do it," he tells him, sounding serious for once. "Trust me, they will not put up with your jokes as much as I do."
Joel scoffs. "Please, they're all terrified of me. You're the only one who ever puts up a good fight."
Etho grins. "Aww, am I your favourite, Joel?"
"I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands," he threatens. After a beat — and after noticing the look on Etho's face — he adds, "And don't you dare say kinky again. That's my joke."
"I'm not going to say it," he assures him, putting his hands up in surrender as if to prove it.
"Will you shoot me if I say good boy?"
"Definitely," Etho says, without hesitating.
"Damn it."
"You shouldn't've asked." He shrugs.
"I won't next time," he promises, before pausing. "So, how long are you planning on keep us here?"
Etho blinks. "What?"
"I mean, it's been a while," Joel points out, once again attempting to gesture with his hands but ending up just shaking the cuffs around instead. "Are you gonna kill me or bring me to the Agency or let me go?"
"I'm bringing you to the Agency, obviously," Etho says.
"Okay, well, let's get a move on, because, frankly, I'm getting a little sick of your voice."
"You have told me many times how 'unbelievably hot' you think my voice is."
Joel sighs, shaking his head. "You really let my flirting get to your head, huh?"
"Your fault," he tells him, before unslinging his bow from around his back for the sole purpose of nudging Joel in the shoulder with it. He inclines his head in the direction of the main road and out of the secluded alleyway. "Come on, we're leaving." Etho stands up and starts walking, leaving Joel behind him.
Joel stares after him incredulously. Listen, he'd been expecting to be let off easy, but not in such a obvious way. "You're not even going to make sure I'm following?"
Etho's footsteps falter, but he still doesn't turn around to look at Joel. "I think you're a little old to need hand-holding, don't you?"
"I mean to make sure I don't escape, asshole."
He shrugs. "You're in cuffs right behind me. If you escape somehow it's not my fault."
Letting him go, like always. Joel can both appreciate and resent it. He knows he should just take the win and be happy with it, but he's always been stubborn, and he does not enjoy being let off easy. In fact, h e has half a mind to stay with Etho, just to serve him right. But, then again, he doesn't exactly want to live out the rest of his life in a cell, so he leaves. He takes the easy way out, slipping away into the crowd of people, disappearing into just another civilian.
What he doesn't see is Etho smiling to himself as he leaves him alone.