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James Buchanan Barnes never expected to wake up from the ice. Given that Dr. Erskine didn’t specify that the serum would ward off death, Bucky expected that when he took the plane down, he’d die there, in that icy, white landscape. His last thoughts were of his family, Becca in particular, and what her life would be like. He said a quick prayer that she’d find love and happiness. Death, in war, is inevitable.
That didn’t happen.
Now, six years out of the ice, James Buchanan Barnes is having the time of his life. Everything is bright and busy; sometimes overwhelming. He has more money than he knows what to do with and he’s made some really good friends. The Avengers are great, but returning to the old neighborhood, he’s found people he knew as kid still alive, family he embraces and who embraced him and old haunts still standing.
One of them, he was stunned to find because it’s not an unmarked door anymore, it’s got a rainbow neon sign out front. Everything is so open now that he can’t stop smiling. There’ve been a few one-night stands and Bucky’s okay with that, but he’d like to find Mr. First, Last, and Always. He’s been a romantic at heart since he was little and now, he has the freedom to nurture that.
Within weeks of waking up, Bucky came out to Fury, SHIELD, the Avengers, and everyone that would listen. Once he found out it wasn’t illegal, he couldn’t say the words fast enough. “I’m gay.” It had felt so good, he never looked back. Tony Stark was standing next to him the first time Bucky said it to the media and his mouth hung open for several minutes. Then he cackled, throwing an arm around Bucky and whispering that Captain America had just gotten ten times cooler.
There was pushback from Washington and the conservative right, but Bucky told them to fuck off. Again, Tony had laughed so hard that Bucky’s pretty sure the man peed himself a little.
This week, in honor of Stark Industries history, Tony is having a mini-Stark Expo. He invited many of the scientists that work at the Tower to show off what they’ve been working on. The second-floor conference rooms are set up and it’s open to the public. On top of that, Tony hired a caterer to set up for the week-long event. Tony never does anything halfway, and he told the team that he wanted anyone that came in to feel like they were welcome and what says welcome more than good food.
Bucky’s headed down to check everything out on the first day because he was always a bit of a nerd growing up. He’s got a list of things that he wants to see, but that goes out the window when he looks into the catering room and sees her .
She’s bent over a table, lean legs hugged by leggings and an oversized sweater hanging off one shoulder. Her hair is wavy blond, in a loose braid, with tendrils hanging in front of her face. Someone from the kitchen calls out and she turns, giving Bucky a better view of her profile. Reaching out, Bucky holds himself up with a nearby wall.
She's stunning.
Her skin is creamy white with pink/coral undertones. Her high cheekbones are contrasted with a soft blush and her eyes, lined in charcoal, have the longest lashes that Bucky’s ever seen. He wants to know what color her eyes are and gets his wish when the kitchen door opens, and another woman comes out. She stops in front of the goddess and blue eyes light up at the tray display. Her lips are coral/pink and so plush that Bucky’s hand tries to grab the wall tighter. As she turns to the table, back to Bucky, the sweater has ridden up and shows off a glorious backside. She’s in three-inch heels, meaning she can’t be more than five foot five.
Never, in all his years, has Bucky been attracted to a woman. He finds them beautiful, but not romantically attractive. Why he’s reacting to this woman that way is confusing. He needs to go and reexamine his life and everything he thought he understood about himself. Heading back to the elevator, he doesn’t hear Tony calling his name. As the doors close, Bucky sees the woman talking with Tony and grabs the bar along the wall to keep himself up.
She’s incredible.
That night, Bucky sits in a dark apartment, examining his poor, gay heart and wondering why a woman, even as beautiful as she is, would have his body reacting the way it is. Men are his thing. He likes dick. He likes rough beards and stubble. He likes the masculine aura. Throwing his book on the table, Bucky stares at the wall, trying to figure out what the hell is happening with him.
On the second day of the Expo, Bucky is going down because he’s convinced himself that, whoever this woman is, she’s not as beautiful as he thought, and he’s, definitely, not attracted to her. As he passes the catering room, he just glances in. His plan was to just get a glimpse, prove that he’s not attracted to her, then go on about his day.
Instead, he stops in his tracks.
She’s coming out of the kitchen, hair pulled up in a messy bun at the back of her head. Today, she’s dressed in a white maxi-dress that’s got thin straps and sandals that tie up her calves. The dress is to mid-thigh and shows off those legs again, but it’s the shoulders on display that have Bucky’s breath speeding up. Bucky’s mind goes wild, and he imagines unlacing those sandals and kissing up those smooth legs. Untying her hair and watching it cascade down her shoulders. As he’s shaking his head, trying to get that mental picture out, he thinks about how those shoulders would feel under the pressure of his lips and now feels more lost than he did the day before.
Speeding away from the door, Bucky heads to the end of the hallway, to the stairwell. Swiping his card, he runs for the first floor and out onto the street. Not having slept the night before, Bucky heads down the street to the coffee shop he likes. Lucky for him, his regular barista is there and knows his order. Getting his coffee, he goes to sit in the back. That’s when the chair across from him pulls away from the table and Bruce sits down across from him.
“Bruce?” Looking down, Bucky notices that his hands are shaking and clutches the coffee cup harder, but not so hard that it cracks.
“Hey, Bucky.” He motions over to the other back table. “I was sitting there and saw you come in. You don’t mind if I join you, do you?” Bucky shakes his head. “Good because you look like you might have a meltdown and I know what those feel like.”
They sit in silence for a long while, just sipping on their drinks. Finally, Bucky needs to get this out. Bruce is safe, as far as the team is concerned. He’s quiet, listens, and doesn’t offer advice unless asked for it and he never shares anything volunteered in confidence. “Bruce, can I talk to you about something, and you won’t tell the team?”
“Of course.” Bucky taps the side of his coffee cup, trying to figure out how to word this. Bruce is watching him closely and Bucky’s sure that he understands the seriousness of whatever this is because he’s patient and observant.
“Have you ever had a moment where you have to reevaluate everything you thought you understood about yourself?” Bruce watches him intently, trying to determine where this is going. Then he seems to decide that the only way to help is to be honest.
“Yeah, the first time Hulk destroyed part of a city and I came back out. I never thought of myself having a temper like that, but there was the proof.” Bucky bobs his head, thinking that it’s kind of the same thing.
“Well, I’m gay, Bruce.” The man laughs, leaning back in his chair.
“Everyone knows that Bucky.” Instead of it getting a laugh or maybe just a chuckle, Bucky looks even more upset. Leaning back in, Bruce reaches out, almost touching Bucky’s arm, then stops himself. Sometimes people don’t like to be touched, in moments like this, and Bruce respects that. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I went to the Expo yesterday and saw someone and I’m attracted to her.” Bruce’s eyes get wide. “Yeah, and now I’m not sure about anything.”
“Have you talked to her?” Bucky shakes his head. “I can’t imagine how all of this is affecting you, but I think you should talk to her. There’s a reason that she stands out.”
“She’s...hell, Bruce, I don’t even know. There’s just something about her.” He looks like he’s about to cry and Bruce reaches over, putting a hand on his arm. This is a moment that Bucky needs comfort of someone that isn’t going to judge the situation.
“Talk to her.”
Bucky checks in with JARVIS to find out when there’s usually a lull in the people on the second floor. It turns out, he has to get there before they start letting the public in because the Expo is so popular. So, heading down at just before seven, Bucky goes straight to the catering room. He isn’t expecting to find Pepper talking to the woman that’s been filling his thoughts.
“Are you sure that you can do this? I know we didn’t agree to it in the contract, and I’ll include a bonus if you can get it done.” The woman reaches over, picking up a tablet on the table.
Then, she speaks and Bucky’s screwed. Her voice is smooth, with a slight feminine edge, but it’s deeper than he thought it would be. Now, Bucky has sound effects to go with the illicit dreams he’s been having. “Ms. Potts, I already have most of the things with me to make the boxes and what I don’t have, I can have someone bring to me. It’s not a problem.”
“Do you always plan for everything?” The woman’s eyes sparkle as she giggles. Bucky’s heart speeds up at the sound. It isn’t just how she looks; it’s how she holds herself. There’s a confidence and control that speaks to her being a strong person. It isn’t a masculine air, it’s a determination and poise, accentuating the feminine aura.
“I always come with a plan to cover any incidentals.” She makes a few notes on the tablet.
Pepper turns. “Oh, James, how are you this morning?”
The woman looks up and her blue eyes shine with a depth of clarity that makes Bucky swear he can see forever. She looks so happy, and Bucky could use a little bit of that happiness right now. Now, he knows that it’s not just her looks that’s drawing him in, it’s her as a person. Bucky’s so, so screwed.
“Oh...uh...I’m good.” He’s talking to Pepper, but watching the woman out of the corner of his eye, who, in turn, seems to be watching him while biting her lip. Everything in Bucky wants to gently pull the lip from between her teeth and kiss it better. Shaking his head, he tries to stop his brain from going down paths it should stay away from. She smiles at his turmoil, not knowing his current struggle.
It would be inappropriate for Bucky to whimper, but he feels it building inside. “Well, I need to get back upstairs. Stephanie, thank you again.”
“Of course.” Pepper’s gone and Stephanie, sensing that something is going on with Captain America, strolls over hugging the tablet in front of her. “Captain Barnes, is there something I can do for you?” That confident air is back with evident concern and suddenly, Bucky thinks he might cry. Everything about this situation is disorienting.
And that’s when the whimper eeks its way out of Bucky’s throat. Realizing what he’s done, he tries to cover it with a cough. Up close, this woman isn’t just incredible and stunning, she’s beautiful and soft and alluring and the second whimper isn’t as easily covered. Her makeup is softer today than yesterday and the day before. She’s in a flowy skirt and tank top, with those lace-up sandals again. Her hair is flowing over her shoulders and down her back and the contrast between blond and something a little reddish-brown.
“I was going to try to get an early start on the Expo, but I guess I’m too early.” The lie comes out and Bucky needs to stick with that because the truth is something he isn’t willing to say.
“Well, yes, you are a bit early.” She looks around and for the first time Bucky sees uncertainty. “Would you like to come in the kitchen with me?” At that moment, Bucky starts having a true existential crisis. One, he’s gay, two, he wants to follow this woman home like a sad puppy. He can’t reconcile any of that. “I can fix you a cup of coffee.” If she would just do something, anything, that would help Bucky get past this infatuation, but instead, she seems concerned.
That smooth, deep voice will haunt Bucky for the rest of his life. He’s being dramatic, but when everything you’ve always understood about yourself gets turned upside down, dramatic is, not only, okay, but expected. “Uh...yeah, that sounds good.” As he’s following her into the kitchen the only thing, he can think of is he’s an idiot. He’s trying so hard to convince himself that he isn’t really attracted to Stephanie and yet, he’s putting himself in this situation that could have him questioning himself even more.
The catering staff starts to filter in about seven thirty and by that time, Bucky’s learned a lot about this woman. Stephanie Rogers is a whirlwind of a person. She’s so tiny and petite, but the way she moves and commands her space adds to the confusion Bucky’s feeling. Once everyone is there, Steph, as she asked Bucky to call her, lets them get things organized and leans on the center bar, across from Bucky, and smiles. It’s obvious that she has complete trust in her staff and Bucky can appreciate that.
“So, tell me Captain Barnes...”
“Bucky.” She tilts her head, narrowing her eyes like she’s trying to figure him out. “My friends call me Bucky.”
“Oh, are we friends then?” Her long, blue nail circles the edge of her cup, like she’s thinking deeply about something.
“You gave me coffee. My friendship is pretty cheap. Coffee will do and so will tacos.” The bellowing laughter fills the space and Bucky lights up at having caused such a reaction. He isn’t oblivious to the fact that the staff is watching them. Some are smiling privately at each other; others are looking like they might punch him. He wonders about that, but is too captivated by Steph to really put thought into it.
“Well, I can always offer coffee and tacos are also doable.” Climbing onto one of the bar stools, she grins. “Do you always hang out with the help?” She pulls her skirt up, crossing her legs and Bucky’s trying not to watch the movements, but he’s failing. If she notices, which he thinks that she does, Stephanie doesn’t bring it up.
“What’s happening in the kitchen is always more fun than what’s going on outside the kitchen. My mom used to tell me that when they’d have people over, she’d stay in the kitchen more times than she should have talking with people that would wander in.” Just as she’s about to respond, one of her staff comes up.
They talk for a minute, then she looks at Bucky, sadly. “I need to get started on the special order that Ms. Potts asked for. The items I needed just arrived.”
Not wanting to leave and go back to just thinking about her, Bucky offers, “I could help. Most people don’t know this, but I do know my way around a kitchen.”
Her eyes light up and Bucky relaxes. “Well, come on, Bucky, let me put you to work. You can’t spend all your time saving the world.”
Stephanie is making a pastry and Bucky’s not sure it’s going to come together. “Uh, are you sure about that?” Stephanie is working the mass, lean arm muscles bulging and it’s making Bucky feel like there’s physical strength in this woman as well as inner. As small as she is, she’s got muscle definition in all the right places. Bucky wants to swoon.
She looks over, unimpressed. “I’m not feeling the confidence, James.” He chuckles at her use of his name and the inflection she uses. It sounds like something his mom or Becca might have used on him all those years ago. She keeps working the dough. “For your information, I have many, many friends that are gluten free and this recipe has never failed me. It doesn’t look like much now, but you just wait.”
By the time Steph has finished the boxes for the special guests that came to the Expo, Bucky is blown away with what this woman can do. Everything she makes is amazing and Bucky does try everything. “I don’t know how you made that taste like a real tart shell.”
Steph rolls her eyes. “It is a real tart shell, just without flour and butter.”
Bucky sets his lips in a thin line, giving his own unimpressed look. “I say again, I can’t believe you made that taste like a real tart shell.”
Steph snorts with laughter. “You are a bit of an ass, Captain Barnes.”
“It’s been said on numerous occasions.”
On the last day of the Expo, Bucky’s back in the kitchen with Stephanie again. This time, he’s sure she’s trying to kill him with yoga pants that have see-through insets up the side in a crisscross pattern, giving him a peek at her legs up to her thighs, not that she knows he’s looking. The white sweater she has on, comes off part way through the day, leaving her in the pants and a long, loose tank. For someone with such a small, frail-looking body, Stephanie Rogers is incredible and strong and driven and so beautiful.
Whatever this is, Bucky knows it’s not that he’s attracted to women, he’s attracted to Stephanie. He’s never had this reaction to anyone, not even a man. Bucky’s spent every night this week thinking about this situation and it’s the only explanation. The experiences he’s had with men have been good, for both of them, but he’s never wanted the guy to stick around. With Stephanie, he wouldn’t mind having her around to just talk. The last few days, sitting in the kitchen with her, watching her prepare the food and take pride in what she and her staff have done, it’s been the best three days of Bucky’s life.
As the day winds down and everything in the kitchen is cleared away and loaded into the catering van, Steph looks at Bucky and for the first time seems shy. She’s playing with the hem of her tank and not looking Bucky in the eyes. “I could be reading this wrong...”
Stepping over, Bucky takes her hands away from her shirt, looking down at the pink nail polish, and holding them to his chest. Closing his eyes, Bucky admits to himself that this could be something special. “You’re not.”
“Would you like to come to my apartment? I could make us dinner and we could talk.” Bucky beams at her and she shines up at him. The tiny freckles across her nose are adorable and Bucky wants to kiss them. He’s stopped questioning thoughts like that and just accepts that this is how it is.
“I’d like that, but after today, don’t you think it would be better to just get take-away?” Nodding she leans up, kissing his cheek. He feels a stutter in his chest and his cheeks heat up. It’s such an innocent thing to do and it’s the innocence that draws him in. These are the kind of actions that would have been done in his original time. The safe behaviors that were acceptable when he was growing up. Things that he saw men do when they were courting woman. He wants that, he wants these innocent touches, the lingering glances, the shared activities, like cooking, and he’s never visualized having that with any of the men he’s been with.
“Yeah, I think I like that idea better.” She gives Bucky her address and cell number. “Give me about an hour and a half. I need to shower after a long day.” She starts to the door, checking for other people, then turns back to him. “I have to ask because I need to understand this better before you come over.” Bucky knows what she’s going to ask, so he offers her an explanation.
“I’m gay. I’ve never been attracted to a woman before.” She nods, seemingly sad. “Until you.”
Looking up, her eyes shine with tears, then hope. “Really?”
“Yeah, and I’ve spent the week really confused because I didn’t know what to do with that.” She takes a step closer, but Bucky stays where he is. “I struggled this week and then I spent the day with you and realized that it’s not about gender, it’s about you...and me. I don’t care what people say, I never did, and it shouldn’t be about gender, Stephanie. It should be about two people that connect on a deeper level. I think you and I could be that.”
She leaps into his arms, hugging him. “Thank you.” Bucky is sure that she’s going to kiss him, but blushes instead. Her eyes cast down and when she looks up, it’s through those thick lashes. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah, you will.” She turns, heading out the door, then turns again. Bucky sucks in a breath because her eyes are shining like he’s never seen before.
“Get tacos. Someone made me crave them earlier this week.” As the door closes, Bucky knows she can hear his laughter.
Two hours later, Bucky shows up at the address, with take-away in his hands and a bottle of wine. When he makes it to the top floor, he finds Stephanie’s apartment at the end of the hallway. It’s an older building, but nicely renovated. Sitting the food on the ground, he knocks, hoping he can get another hug from her. It’s taken the better part of a week and it’s disorienting, but Bucky likes the way Stephanie feels against him, fitting perfectly into his arms.
Then, the door opens, and it isn’t Stephanie, but a man that could be her twin. “Hey, Buck.”
Bucky’s eyes fly open. The voice is the same, the facial structure is the same, the hair is short, but looks just as soft and the man’s skin has the same glow to it. “Stephanie?”
She...he’s looking at the floor. “When I’m like this, it’s Steve.” Bucky’s read about this if it’s what he thinks. “I figured I’d better just rip the Band-Aid off and hope for the best.” There’s an embarrassed shrug to go with the words.
Putting a knuckle under Steve’s chin, Bucky tilts his face up, so their eyes meet. Those gorgeous blue eyes look so nervous with anxiety. “You dress however you want, call yourself whatever you want, as long as you agree to date me.” He was going to say the same things to Stephanie. He’s not one to casually date and he got the impression that she was the same.
“Really?” The sob that comes out is heartbreaking. Bucky knows that there’s a history that he’s going to want to know for Steve to be this shaky about telling him.
“Oh, honey, I’m not letting you go.” Pulling Steve into a hug, the smaller man clings to him. “Now, let’s get this food inside because someone was very particular about having tacos.” Steve giggles all the way into the apartment.
As they eat, on the sofa, Steve sits crisscross, facing Bucky. As he moves, Bucky can still see Stephanie in the movements, and he finds that he wants to still be able to see Stephanie. Steve still blushes when Bucky says something sweet. “I didn’t think you’d understand.” Bucky nods, knowing that this must be as confusing to Steve as it was to him when he first saw Stephanie.
“Please correct me if I’m wrong, but this is what genderfluid means?” Steve nods. “So, there are days that you feel like Stephanie and some days that you feel like Steve.”
That gets another nod. “Yeah, and when I’ve tried to date in the past, they want one or the other. All of my relationships ended up hurting me.”
Sitting his plate down, Bucky leans in. “I don’t care what’s on the outside, I like who you are. I just couldn’t figure that out for a little while.”
“You sure you don’t mind being seen with me on Stephanie days?” Bucky chuckles.
“Stephanie is the one that started all this. But you gotta be careful with those yoga pants with the panels in the side. Those nearly gave me a heart attack.” Steve giggles and it’s the cutest things Bucky’s ever witnessed.
“I wear those on any day.” Bucky throws his head back, sighing.
“I’m gonna die from those. That’s how Captain America is going to die. Killed by yoga pants.”
They finish eating, Steve then turns the TV on and plays something for background noise. He’s washing up the dishes with Bucky sitting on the counter, watching how he moves. Every move of her hands, every shift in her body and that’s when he realizes that he’s thinking of Steve as she. “Steve, can we talk about something?”
Steve looks over, his hair falling across his forehead and smiles. “We can talk about anything and it’s probably good because if this is going to go further,” he looks up, grinning mischievously, “and I want it to, we shouldn’t have secrets.”
Bucky chuckles. “Yeah, that’s true.” Jumping down, Bucky wraps around Steve from behind. “I was just watching you and thought of you as she instead of he.”
Turning in his arms, Steve smiles up at him. “Are you upset by that?”
“No, I just don’t want to upset you.” Reaching up, Steve puts his arms around Bucky’s neck, drawing him down.
“That doesn’t upset me.” Leaning up, he kisses Bucky chastely. “I just thought that finding out about my male counterpart, you’d be relieved.”
“I...it should, right?” Steve watches how Bucky thinks through what he should feel and what he actually feels. “I mean, I’m gay and finding out you...you know...have certain equipment,” Steve snorts, “it should make me feel more secure, but it doesn’t matter.”
“How does it make you feel?” Steve’s really curious about this because if they are going to date, Bucky needs to work through any reservations he has.
“Stephanie started me down this road by just being yourself. I don’t want to...overlook any part of you. I like the fact that you’re comfortable with who you are, and I want you to know that I am too.” Bucky doesn’t think he’s explaining himself very well, but Steve gives him a soft look.
“I think I really like you, Bucky Barnes.”
Two months have passed and more than once, Bucky and Steve have shown up on social media. Bucky’s happy and most days he feels like Steve is too. But there are times that Steve seems off. When asked he complains of being tired. Bucky thinks there’s more to it, but also doesn’t want to push. They’ve been taking it slow, allowing both to find the balance that works for them.
The team knows and supports Bucky. Tony and Pepper already like Steve and the rest of the team just accepts everything without batting an eye. Bruce pats Bucky’s shoulder and quietly tells him that he’s happy for him. Nat and Clint don’t do a background check, which is surprising, but Nat finally admits that anyone that’s secure enough to understand themselves, like Steve, deserves to have their lives respected. Clint just shrugs and says that anyone that can cook like Stephanie and Steve is okay in his book. His exact words were, “Man, anyone that can make gluten free pizza crust taste good is fucking fantastic.”
Steve’s on a catering job today and that leaves Bucky to his own devices. They’ve made a priority of spending time together, getting to know each other and going out on dates. As much as Bucky would like to go to the venue and sit with Steve, he’s just come back from a mission and needs to quiet his mind. He's investigating a few shops in lower Manhattan that carry vintage items. Bucky’s looking for an old record player, like he used to have in his parents’ home. Nothing sounds as good as the old, scratchy sound from a needle on vinyl. Bucky wants to introduce Steve to the beauty of his music.
After running the mission over and over in his head, figuring out what they could have done better, Bucky’s brain leads him back to Steve. His brain always comes back to Steve. For the last couple of months, things have been good, better than Bucky imagined. But recently, in the last couple of weeks, Steve’s gotten quieter. Bucky’s worried that Steve doesn’t feel the way he hoped and is looking for a way to end the relationship. But that doesn’t feel right either. It’s just a feeling that niggles at the back of a person's mind and is pushing forward. There’s something going on and Bucky just wishes that he could figure it out.
He’s trying to determine the reason Steve’s been acting off, when the answer comes to him in a shop window. Bucky’s so deep in thought that he’s stopped on the street, right outside a shop, staring down at the sidewalk. When he looks up, it’s a vintage clothing store and in the window is an evening dress that he could imagine his sister wearing. It’s Cobalt Blue covered by thin black tulle. It’s off the shoulder with drop sleeves, a fitted boddice, and full skirt. Bucky’s dumbstruck, he knows now what’s been bothering Steve. Since they started dating, Bucky hasn’t seen Stephanie. Steve’s been forcing himself to be Steve all the time.
Huffing, frustrated with himself, and also at Steve, Bucky goes into the store, asking about the dress in the window. It’s small, the manikin it’s on looks tiny enough to be for an adolescent, and the dress just might fit Stephanie perfectly. When the shop owner takes it off the manikin, Bucky knows it will fit her. When he walks out, he’s got a dress box and shoes. The shoes are black, closed-toed three-inch heels with little bows on the back. Checking his phone, Bucky finds the address of the place that Steve’s working today. Hailing a cab, he heads over.
Steve looks up, surprised to see Bucky, and even more surprised to see Bucky carrying a huge box with a scowl on his face. Taking Steve’s elbow, Bucky pulls him over to the side and puts the box down on a work bench. The staff is watching, making sure that Steve’s okay. “Open it.” Bucky points at the box.
Confused and a little scared, Steve lifts the lid on the box, moving the tissue paper aside, and gasping at what he sees. “Bucky...it’s so...”
“Why, Steve?” Bucky sounds angrier than he is, Steve looks up confused. “I told you I want all of you and you’ve been hiding part of yourself from me.”
Guilt shadows Steve’s wide eyes. “I was...scared. You seemed so sure that first night we talked, but...I just thought you’d be happier this way.”
Leaning down, Bucky gets in Steve’s face. “Well, Doll, you’re goin dancing with me tonight.” He points over at the box. “And you’re wearing that!” He heads to the door. “I’ll pick you up at eight.” As he gets to the door, he turns. “Oh, there’s shoes in there too.” Storming back over, Bucky leans in, kissing Steve with a fierceness that he hasn’t shown before. “Don’t hide from me again.” All of Steve’s employees are grinning now. Those that were unsure of Bucky, now see that he isn’t like the others that Steve’s dated.
When Stephanie opens the door at 8, Bucky nearly drops the flowers he’s carrying. “Wow.”
Steph blushes, having spent the last several hours getting ready, right down to painting her nails and toes. Her hair is swept up in a French Twist, and her eyes are done dramatically, lined in coal black. Twisting back and forth, she grins shyly. “I look good, Buck.”
“Darlin, you look so good, I’m gonna have to beat them off with a stick to keep you.” Steph pulls him in by his tie and kisses him.
“Don’t want anyone but you, Buck.” That feminine lilt is back in her voice, and it sends a shiver down Bucky’s spine. Taking the flowers, she smells the sweetness, then goes into the kitchen to put them in water. “You didn’t hafta get me flowers, but I love them.” Bucky nearly swoons when he sees her walking away. She’s wearing stocking with a seam up the back, completing the picture of Bucky’s perfect woman. Chuckling at that thought, he heads into the kitchen after her.
Arms slip around her waist, Stephanie leans into the embrace. “I want all of you Steph. You can’t hide from me anymore.”
“I won’t. I just didn’t want to make things difficult for you.” Turning her in his arms, Bucky lays a light kiss to her lips. “You came out so quick and sure. Having me on your arm would cause questions.”
Bucky starts swaying her back and forth. “Do you have an issue with me telling people the truth about you?”
“What? No! This is who I am, Bucky.” Bucky kisses her again.
“Then let me deal with things like that and you just keep being you.” They kiss one more time, then Steph goes to the mirror by the door, touching up her lipstick. As she locks up, Bucky offers his arm and leads her to the waiting car.
When they walk into the club, Steph isn’t the only one dressed to the nines. It feels like an old-school dance hall with smooth jazz and the people dress to impress. “How did you find this place, Bucky?” Stephanie is looking around, awed by the atmosphere.
“You gotta know the right people.” He pulls Steph’s hand from the crook of his arm, kissing it. “And by people, I mean JARVIS.” There’s a low chuckle from Stephanie and Bucky feels it tickle down his spine.
As they make their way down the stairs, all eyes take in Captain America with a lovely woman on his arm. Bucky knows that someone will post something, either from the street, or from inside the club. He doesn’t care. Finding someone like the person on his arm, it feels like it’s right. “Now, let’s get you something to drink.”
He walks her through the place, to a table in the back where a champaign bucket waits. “What’s all this?”
“This is me treating you like the queen you are. Sometime when Steve wants a turn, I’ll treat him like a king.” They sit and Bucky pours a glass of sparkling wine. In the soft light of the club, Stephanie looks just like a queen. She confident, interested, and comfortable in her own skin. When the band on stage starts something slow and Bucky pulls Steph from the chair. “This is definitely for us.”
As they move around the floor, Stephanie tucked into Bucky’s larger body, she sighs. “Thank you for seeing me.”
It’s too early in the relationship to say anything, but Bucky pulls her closer and says something close enough for now. “You’re all I see. Nothing has ever shined as bright as you in my life.” Looking up, her blue eyes show more than they have before. Early or not, she’s feeling it too. “I love you, Steph.”
Reaching up to caress his face, Stephanie nods. “I love you too, Buck.”
When they arrive back at Stephanie’s apartment, she’s leaning on the door and Bucky’s leaning on the frame. “Let’s have lunch tomorrow. Are you working somewhere? I can bring you something.”
She reaches up, undoing her hair, letting it cascade over her shoulders. “Why don’t you buy me breakfast?”
Bucky needs to be clear about what she’s saying. “I can come over early or...”
“You’re not this dense, Bucky Barnes. I’m asking you to stay.” Bucky blushes, rubbing his cheek. Stephanie grabs his tie again and pulls him into the apartment. “Do you want to stay?” Now, that shyness is back in her movements.
“More than anything in the world.” This is uncharted territory for Bucky. Usually, he just jumps into bed with someone and both of them get what they want. This is different. This is Stephanie and Bucky wants to be sure it’s good for her. Pulling him down the hall, she turns so he can unzip her dress.
“Don’t worry.” Once it’s unzipped, she turns, letting it drop to the floor. “I have a feeling we’ll fit together just like we’re supposed to.” He loves this woman, and he loves the man too. Everything Bucky’s been looking for, since coming out of the ice, he’s found in this complicated, devastating person.
The next morning, Bucky does go out and get breakfast. He serves it to Steve in bed, then they spend the day cuddled against each other, sharing stories and lingering kisses.
Stevie isn’t home yet and Bucky leans against the window, staring down at the announcement. The PR department put it up this morning. It was quickly picked up by every social media site and went viral. When the door opens and Steve walks in, Bucky practically runs for him, sweeping him up in his arms and swinging him around.
Steve’s laughter fills the apartment. Bucky can’t get him close enough to satisfy this new feeling of belonging. When he finally does let Steve down, his fiancé caresses his cheek and Bucky melts into the touch. “You seem happy.”
Putting his hand over Steve’s, on his face, closing his eyes to just let himself have this moment. “Yeah, I’d say that happy doesn’t even cover it.”
“Well, now that the engagement has been announced, we have a much bigger issue.” Bucky looks down at Steve, concern and worry on his face. Before Bucky can spiral into doubt, Steve grins. “What are we going to do about the actual wedding?”
“What do you mean?” Steve’s grinning and the happiness that Bucky’s feeling is reflected back at him.
“Well, Nat thinks that we should have the wedding at the Inns of Aurora, Clint thinks we should have it at a pizza place he swears by, Tony thinks we should have it here, at the Tower, Pepper thinks we should do it at the Weylin and Thor and Bruce think we should just go to city hall.” Pulling Bucky into the kitchen, he starts pulling things out for dinner. “Bucky, either we have to make some choices, or these people are going to be planning six different weddings.”
Bucky snorts. “Well, I happen to know that my fiancé has better taste than all of these people put together. So, you tell me what you’ve always envisioned and that’s what we’ll do.”
Steve turns, chicken in one hand and butternut squash in the other. “And just what makes you think that I’ve been thinking about this?”
Bucky licks his lips, trying not to smile. “Don’t all girls dream about their wedding day?” Not able to hide it anymore, Bucky cackles and runs out of the kitchen before he gets chicken or squash thrown at him.
Later that night, while cuddling on the sofa, the silence feels like a soft, fuzzy blanket. After dinner, Steve had gone into take a shower and when he’d come out, he was she. Bucky wrapped Stephanie in his arms, pulled her to the sofa and let the silence cover them. Running his fingers through her hair, Stephanie had hummed in contentment, snuggling back into Bucky’s chest.
Stephanie doesn’t want to pop this little bubble, so when she speaks, it’s just a whisper. “I have thought about my wedding.”
She feels Bucky kiss the top of her head and snuggles in closer. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want something small, with lots of color, especially the flowers, some place intimate with fairy lights and candles. I want to feel like everyone that’s there is part of something magical.” Bucky smiles into the darkness and promises himself that he’s going to give Stephanie exactly what she wants.
They divvy up the wedding duties, giving each member of the team a specific job, so they feel involved. They figure out quickly that if they don’t assign the team something to do, they’d have a group of really unhappy people pouting at them. So, Bucky oversees the venue. What he finds is a small restaurant that has an outdoor space, like a garden with trellises and beams where flowers will look perfect. When asked, the owner assures Bucky that they can put up fairy lights and candles to make the space as magical as Steve wants. He pays the deposit for the date.
Steve oversees the suits and flowers. He loves Bucky’s choice of venues and goes to see where they will need flowers to fill space. The florist is thrilled to be working with Steve because he wants her to go wild with color. Instead of choosing one or two colors for the wedding pallet, Steve wants them all. Steve chooses the types of flowers and the florist orders in all the colors of the rainbow. He shows her pictures of the venue, and they discuss where everything should go.
The suits he chooses are simple, but will look good on both of them. Steve’s is a little slimmer than what he gets for Bucky. Bucky’s is a classic tux cut, accenting his broad shoulders and chest. When asked about guest attire, Steve just shrugs and tells everyone to wear what makes them comfortable. He does glare at Clint and makes the archer promise not to wear pajama pants. It’s a hard-won battle.
Everything has been done, from cake, thanks to Natasha, to gifts, that Bucky and Steve want to give to people that helped, and there’s just weeks before the wedding. Stephanie is out on a catering job today and Bucky’s going through the list to make sure that everything is actually done and something important hasn’t been forgotten. The last thing on the list is the suits. Looking over, they’re hanging on the door of the guest room. Last night they tried them on, and everything fit perfectly. Steve looked exceptionally good in the slim cut they got for him.
Then, Bucky has a thought.
“Fuck!” Grabbing his jacket and keys, Bucky sets out on a mission. He doesn’t even know where to start, so he heads back to that little vintage shop where he found the blue dress. He does a search on his phone for wedding dress shops, making a mental note to check those next. He’s not sure why the little vintage shop is his first thought, but he figures that even if they don’t have what he’s looking for, they will know the best places to go.
The girl behind the counter, the same one as before, is done up in what Bucky knows to be 1950’s style in a bright yellow dress to complement her red hair. “Captain Barnes, you look a little upset. Can I help you find something?”
He truly doesn’t know where to start, so when his mouth opens, he starts to babble. “I hope so. See, my fiancé is genderfluid and we’ve planned our wedding. It’s in two weeks and it just occurred to me that we got suits for the big day, but what if she gets up that morning and feels like Stephanie, instead of Steve, and has to wear a suit when that’s not what she feels that day. I should have thought of this earlier and now there’s not time and I want her to be taken care of. She’s a tiny thing and finding something small enough is going to be hard and alterations take time, so...”
The young woman comes over, putting a hand on his arm. “Captain, I think I can help, but you need to calm down.” Bucky shakes his head, feeling guilty. “The fact that you thought of this tells me that you love your fiancé very much. If they haven’t brought it up, and I assume they would have,” Bucky nods, “then that tells me that you love them enough to give them everything they want, even if she didn’t think of it.”
“I love them so much. And I just want to be sure there’s no regrets.” Nodding, she leads him to the back of the store. Opening a wardrobe, Bucky finds several wedding gowns. Bucky knows very little about this stuff, but one of them stands out.
He reaches out, touching the soft material. “Now, that one is tea length.” Bucky shakes his head, so she explains. “It’s meant to be short, below the knee, but not to the ankle.” Pulling it out, she hangs it from the door, so he can get a better look. “It’s not actually vintage, but you wouldn’t know it by how it looks or the workmanship on it. The girl that made it used to work here and was a tiny thing. She called off her wedding when she caught her fiancé with another woman. Do you think it will fit your fiancé, Captain?”
“I think it was made for her.” The top is covered in a soft lace, while the skirt is satin and full. It’s absolutely perfect, just like Stephanie and Steve.
He buys the dress and veil, then goes in search of shoes. Stopping in at a specialty store, Bucky decides to buy two pair, one heel and one flat, allowing Stephanie to make the final decision. When he arrives back at the Tower, Steve is back and on the communal floor with the rest of the team. They’re going over the list when Bucky walks in.
He’s not sure what look he’s wearing, until Steve gets up, coming over, cupping Bucky’s cheek. “Buck, what’s wrong?”
Handing the hanging bag and shopping bags over, Bucky leans in, kissing Steve. “Nothing’s wrong, exactly, but I was going over the list today and got to the suits. Then it occurred to me that we hadn’t thought about something kinda important.”
Steve looks confused, but gives a slight smile. “Okay, what’s that?”
“Stephanie.” Steve’s eyes get wide, then his face softens into something like awe.
“What did you do, Bucky?” The team is watching, grinning.
“I bought you something and I really hope you like it.” Nat jumps up, coming over to hold the hanging bag, so Steve can unzip it.
When he does, he stops breathing and starts crying. Pulling the bag off, so he can see the whole dress and veil. “You did this for me?”
Nat is stunned. “Barnes, this is amazing.”
There are little tells that Steve has when he’s feeling more feminine. The way he twists his hands, and his eyes shine in a different way. Bucky can see the shift and reaches to kiss her hand. “I’d like to try it on, if that’s okay.”
“Baby, you don’t gotta ask. It’s yours if you want it.” Nat grabs Stephanie’s hand, pulling her to the elevator. Pepper grabs the other bags and runs after them, giggling.
Getting up, Tony goes over, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “You’re making the rest of us look bad.”
Stephanie is twisting back and forth, looking at how the dress moves in the mirror. She can’t believe that Bucky did this and picked something that Steph would have picked out herself. Natasha and Pepper are sitting on the bed, watching and cooing over how beautiful she looks.
“You know what surprises me?” Steph and Nat look at Pepper. “That he didn’t get you an engagement ring.” Stephanie looks puzzled over that. “I mean, he’s got the money to get you something good.”
Stephanie starts to giggle. “I didn’t tell him I wanted one.” She’s blushing now. “I did look at them.”
Natasha reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing the tablet. “Get your ass over here and show us what you like.” All three women pile up on the bed, scrolling through the website, commenting on the different rings. When Stephanie stops on one, letting her eyes linger, Pepper looks over her head at Nat, winking. She’s going to get Tony and the rest of the team involved in this.
The morning of the wedding, Bucky wakes to Clint sitting on the end of his bed. Jumping, Bucky squawks, then throws a pillow at his friend. “So, how’s it feel to be getting married today?”
Rubbing his hands down his face, Bucky glares over at Clint. “It felt fine until I woke up to a deranged bird man sitting on my bed.”
Getting up, Clint goes to the door. “You better get up. Everyone is waiting for you in the kitchen.”
Shaking his head, Bucky heads into the bathroom. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
When he reaches the kitchen, ‘everyone’ is actually only the men on the team. “Well, there’s the groom.” Tony comes over, patting Bucky’s head. “You’re going to shower and fix what your hair is doing, right?”
Reaching up, Bucky tries to get his hair to lay down. “Yeah, I’m gonna shower. Now, what are all of you doing here?”
“We came to make sure you eat. We are under instructions, from Steve, to make sure you eat before the ceremony. Something about helping your anxiety.” Clint goes to the containers on the counter and starts unpacking the food. “You get anxious?”
“Everyone gets anxious, but today, I’m fine.” Bruce pushes Bucky into a chair.
“That is because you are marrying the right person.” Thor sits across from him, smiling.
By the time they reach the restaurant, Natasha has already supervised the set-up crew, the florist and the baker that delivered the cake. She checks in with the kitchen staff to make sure the food will be ready during service. Pepper checks the lights and candles, ensuring that everything is placed for maximum effect. The chairs are set up, facing the fountain and flower chains are hanging from the wooden beams above. “This turned out better than I imagined.”
Natasha comes to him, straightening his tie. “Well, your fiancé has better taste than most." She waves her hand around. “This isn’t something I would have thought to pick, but I’m impressed.”
No one has given an indication about what headspace Steve or Stephanie are in. Bucky doesn’t ask because whoever walks through those doors doesn’t matter. Today is their day and Bucky wishes, for just a second, that he could have his family here to share it. He has cousins, nieces and nephews coming, but he misses his mom and Becca.
A waiter comes by with a tray of drinks and Bucky takes a flute of champaign. Bruce comes over, patting Bucky’s shoulder. “How are you holding up?”
Nodding while he swallows, Bucky smiles with a blush. “Better than I thought I’d be on my wedding day.”
The string quartet starts to play, and Bucky takes his place under the flower covered arch. Steve comes down the aisle, looking dashing in his suit. He’s grinning and Bucky smiles back. Looking over at Tony, who got ordained for this, and says, “I don’t know how I got this lucky.” Tony winks at him and for once, it’s genuine joy for Bucky and Steve and not followed by a snarky comment.
Bucky reaches out when Steve is close enough, pulling him so they’re touching. Tony snorts and starts the ceremony. Their friends sit and Bucky can’t take his eyes away from Steve’s face. There’s something about this person that fits into Bucky’s life like he’s been there through everything.
The music fades and Tony looks at the group, then brings his attention back to the grooms. “When the Avengers come together there’s usually an emergency. Today, though, we get to come together for a different reason, a reason that we don’t get very often. Today, we get to watch as our fearless leader gets to have something for himself.” Tony looks at Bucky, smirking. Bucky’s not sure what that’s about and a little nervous about finding out. “I didn’t tell Barnes this, but I knew he was grappling with his attraction to Steve when they first met.” Bucky flushes while Steve squeezes his hand. “He couldn’t reconcile his personal understanding of himself with an attraction that he was convinced he shouldn’t have.” Tony looks at the crowd. “I knew that Stephanie was Steve and vice versa and could have told him, but it was more fun to watch him come to terms with his feelings.” Bucky scowls at Tony, but truthfully wouldn’t change anything about the situation. “Now, we’re gathered here today to watch these two join their lives and I’m not going to ask about objections because if anyone has any, I’ll personally kick them to the curb.” There’s a snort and Bucky’s pretty sure it came from Clint. “Now, who wants to go first?”
Steve doesn’t hesitate and takes both of Bucky’s hands in his own. “Bucky, I never considered that I would meet someone that saw all of me and accepted everything that meant. When we were flirting, I just thought that you were being friendly.” This time Bucky snorts. “When you found out about me, you didn’t even blink. There were no hang ups about gender expectations, there was just you, caring about me.” Steve squeezes Bucky’s hands. “I promise that I’ll always hold you in the highest regard, I’ll love you no matter how hard things get, I’ll be devoted to making our life together my first priority, and I promise to be myself and let you see everything I am. Mostly, I promise to see all of you and trust who you are because I love you, James Barnes.”
Tony nods and Bucky clears his throat. “Stevie, when I met you, I nearly put my hand through a wall trying to hold myself up. I’ve seen attractive people before, but you were something else. I thought things like stunning and gorgeous. Then I got to see you at work, and I’ve never met anyone that’s so confident and strong. When I met Steve, he was soft and there was something alluring about the strength I could see in you. I need someone that will stand in front of me and protect me from the world when I don’t think I’m capable. You are that person.” Looking down into those blue eyes, rimmed with tears, Bucky doesn’t know how he could fall in love with someone this special and they want him too. “I never considered that I needed protection; I’m supposed to be a hero, but you give me the strength I need to say I can’t do it alone. I promise I will never lose sight of who you are and who we are together. I’ll honor the trust that you’ve given me, and I promise I’ll support you every second of every day. You’ve given me a gift that means more than I can express through your devotion to us. I love you, Stevie.”
They exchange rings and share a gentle kiss. “Everyone, may I present, for the first time, James and Steven Rogers-Barnes.” Tony leans in, while everyone is clapping. “Kiss again, I think the crowd wants it.” Both men giggle, but do as instructed.
There are pictures taken, then Steve disappears with Pepper and Natasha. Bucky starts to get worried, but no one else seems to give it much thought. He gets looks from Clint and Bruce, making him think they know something he doesn’t. Just as he’s about to go in search of his husband, the glass doors to the garden open and Stephanie comes out, wearing the dress that Bucky bought her, carrying flowers. She’s an absolute vision in the wedding dress and veil.
Like the blue dress, it’s drop sleeves, showing off her shoulders. The bodice is fitted and sinched at the waist, accenting how tiny she is. The satin skirt cascades over her legs, to mid-calf and she’s chosen to wear the flat shoes, making her look even more petite and fairy-like next to Bucky.
With a blush on her face, Stephanie comes to Bucky, looking up at him through her lashes. Bucky’s breath catches because she’s more beautiful today than the day he first saw her. Taking her hand, he kisses the ring that he placed there an hour ago. “You look like an angel.”
“And you look like a dashing prince charming.” The band starts to play, and Bucky takes her in his arms, swaying to the music.
After their first dance, everyone wants a turn with Stephanie. While Clint tries to samba with her while Stephanie laughs brightly, Tony pulls Bucky away from the crowd. He lets himself be pulled, but doesn’t take his eyes from the vision that is his partner. “Tony?” He rolls his eyes, huffing. “Please don’t tell me we have a mission because I’m gonna...”
“Whoa, whoa there, Cap, there’s no mission.” Tony looks over, making sure that Stephanie’s attention is on dancing and not on what he’s trying to do for his friend. “Pepper said something a few days ago and it got me thinking.”
“What’s this about?” Turning so his body is hidden from view, Tony pulls a box from his pocket.
“So, Pepper was saying that Stephanie might want an engagement ring.” Bucky seems confused until Tony opens the box.
The ring inside is platinum with a princess cut diamond in a halo setting. It’s gorgeous and Bucky takes the box. “Tony, I can’t take this. It must have cost a fortune.”
Tony snorts, elbowing Bucky. “That’s okay because I had JARVIS purchase it with your money.” Tony looks over and Bucky follows his sightline. Pepper is nodding, like she knows what they’re talking about. “It seems that when you bought the dress, you remember that night? The girls ran off to try it on?” Bucky nods. “After your wife did her little fashion show, they started looking at engagement rings. This is the one that Stephanie picked out.” Bucky’s horrified that he didn’t think of that. Tony pats his shoulder. “She didn’t expect you to actually get one, but admitted that she’s thought about it.”
Taking the box, Bucky nearly cries as he walks to the dance floor. Taking her hand from Clint, Bucky pulls her in, kissing her lightly. He waves at the band, who stop playing, and Bucky looks around at the crowd of people. He’s pretty sure they all know what this is about, considering the look on the team’s faces. He chuckles and looks at his partner. “I’m about to do something that’s out of the usual order of things.” Steph looks at him, confused. Looking at his lovely wife, Bucky kisses her hand. “Stephanie Rogers-Barnes, I love you and we’re married already, but I have something for you that I should have thought to give you sooner.” Getting down on one knee, Steph looks at him like he’s lost his mind. Bucky opens the box, and her face turns adoring. When he slips it on, it fits up against the wedding band like they were meant to fit together. “I have you as my husband, and I want my wife to have something that shows the level of commitment we share.”
“Bucky, it’s incredible.” Steph stares down at how it looks on her finger. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Well, that’s a funny story that I’ll tell you another time.”
Bucky returns from a mission, mid-afternoon. He knows that Steve isn’t home. He’s out on a catering job and won’t be home for several more hours. Using that time, Bucky showers, getting comfortable, and heads into the kitchen to fix something for their dinner. Once he has the chicken in the oven, he goes into the living room and stops, looking around at their life. What was once an ultra-modern apartment, is now warm and inviting. Steve’s taste compliments everything that Bucky had been collecting, since coming out of the ice.
Looking over at the mantle, Bucky smiles softly. In the center is a clock that belonged to Steve’s parents. It was a wedding gift from their best friends. On either side are photographs taken the night of the wedding. The one on the left is Bucky and Steve, just after the vows. The one on the right is Bucky and Stephanie, holding each other close on the dance floor after he gave her the engagement ring.
He feels like the two of them are two halves of the same whole. Steve’s complicated personality and Bucky’s complicated life. They’re a perfect fit and Bucky suddenly misses his partner like a gaping hole in his heart. Pulling out his phone, he starts to call Steve. Then the door opens, and the object of his intense love walks through the door smiling.
“I wanted to surprise you.” Bucky practically runs to Steve, sweeping him into his arms and swinging him up into a bridal carry. Steve hangs on, giggling. “That’s quite a welcome home, Buck.”
“I missed you. I’m so glad you’re home.” Slipping down, so his feet are on the floor, Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s shoulders.
“Well, why don’t we go sit on the sofa and make out like newlyweds?” Pulling Steve to the sofa, Bucky sits, taking Steve down with him.
Steve adjusts in Bucky’s lap. “By the way, we are newlyweds, so this is just expected behavior.”
Cupping Bucky’s cheek, Steve leans in for a light kiss. “I missed you too.”
Bucky forgets about the chicken in the oven, and they end up ordering tacos.