Chapter Text
“How about I cook tonight?” Ray suggests. “Make it dinner and a movie but in joggers without going outside?”
Jamie's face falls and Roy's heart sinks, knowing what's coming.
“Sorry, love, but I'm going over to Isaac's to play FIFA with him and some of the lads.”
Roy has to bite his tongue to not point out he's been over at Isaac's two times already this week. If Keeley's taught him anything, it's that he can be overbearing and clingy. So he tries not to be, to not scare Jamie away. But it's hard when Jamie's been blowing him off constantly for over a month now.
It's not that Roy doesn't want Jamie to spend time with his friends. In fact, he's always encouraged it. But seemingly overnight Jamie went from basically living at his place, to barely being around two nights out of seven. And even on those nights he's distracted.
It all started the last time his knee acted up and Roy is worried that Jamie is realizing what a burden he is to be with. How much older Roy really is. That this is his way of slowly distancing himself so that the eventual break up will be less painful.
Joke's gonna be on Jamie, because Roy's heart is already breaking and will only shatter when that day comes.
He should probably just break it off with Jamie himself, but he's too greedy, too selfish. Too pathetic. Willing to take whatever Jamie's willing to give for however long he wants to.
So here he is. Again.
“Sure, have fun.”
His smile feels fake and his heart breaks a little more because Jamie doesn't seem to notice. He just kisses him on the cheek and skips away.
Roy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He can't be alone tonight, not again.
So he takes out his phone and calls his sister.
“Hey, do you and Phoebe have any plans tonight?”
-.-.-
Roy can always count on his niece to take his mind off of things. She's always full of life and joy and Roy loves her with all of his heart.
Of course, she's also quite clever and is brilliant at prodding at the exact spot that hurts.
“Didn't Jamie want to come with, Uncle Roy?” she asks between handfuls of popcorn. “I haven't seen him in a while.”
Me neither, is Roy's instinctual response. But how to explain that?
“He already had plans tonight, but maybe next time, yeah?”
“Okay!” Phoebe readily accepts.
The wonders of being a kid, Roy supposes. Sometimes he wishes he could go back to being that naive.
Sarah looks at him over the top of Phoebe's head, face worried. Roy's glad at least someone's noticing something's wrong.
“You okay?” she mouths.
Roy shrugs.
“Later,” he mouths back.
Sarah nods with a sympathetic smile.
-.-.-
When they walk out, Roy has no idea what the movie was about.
-.-.-
“Can we go for ice cream? Please please please?”
Roy and Sarah lock eyes and Roy shrugs with a smile. Sarah rolls her eyes.
“Only if Uncle Roy doesn't have to get up early.”
“Do you, Uncle Roy?”
“Nah, I got a day off tomorrow. Let's go get some ice cream.”
“Yay!” Phoebe bounds away, Roy and Sarah following at a slower pace.
“So what's going on?” Sarah asks, worry clear in her voice.
“I think Jamie's going to break up with me.”
Sarah snorts, clearly thinking he's joking. Roy stays silent.
“Wait- you're serious?” Sarah recovers with a cough. “Why would you think that? That man thinks you hung the sun, the moon, and the stars!”
Roy used to think that, too.
“I've barely seen him outside of work for weeks now. Every time I ask him over or to go do something, he's always got plans.”
“I mean, Roy-”
“I know, okay, I know what that sounds like, but when he's spending three nights at Isaac's playing video games in one week? When he even sees Keeley more often than me? Keeley, who has to schedule crying sessions to cope with how busy she is? When he'd rather stay home and catch up on sleep than come over and catch up on sleep next to me?” Roy's voice chokes up and he hates it. “He's even cancelled a couple of our extra training sessions.”
“That doesn't sound like Jamie at all. Have you talked to him?”
Roy almost laughs.
“Right. Of course not. Because as much as you've improved, you're still emotionally constipated when it comes to this stuff,” Sarah admonishes him fondly.
“I just- I don't want to hear him say he's done with me, Sarah. I'm not ready yet. I need more time.”
“I still don't think that's what's going on, though I can see why one would think that,” Sarah allows as they walk up to the ice cream parlor where Phoebe is patiently waiting.
Roy's eyes land on something in the next door restaurant's window.
It's Isaac.
With a beautiful woman across from him.
Roy would wager it's a date.
And if Isaac's here...
Roy's stopped moving, without even noticing. Sarah places a hand on his shoulder.
“Roy? What's wro- oh.”
Oh.
That sounds about fucking right.
“I'm sorry, Roy.”
Roy swears he can hear his heart shattering against the pavement.
-.-.-
A few days later, Roy runs into Keeley at work. He's exhausted. Who knew keeping up a facade was such hard work? Still, when she asks him to join her for lunch the next day, Roy can't help but say yes. It's been ages since the two of them just hung out for a bit, and he's missed her .
He's trying not to be bitter about the fact that Jamie has been hanging out with her so often.
If that's even true. Roy can't even be sure anymore.
He hates this. Who knows, maybe lunch with Keeley is exactly what he needs.
-.-.-
He doesn't even attempt to talk to Jamie after training. He just goes home without speaking to anyone. He's not in the mood to be rejected again.
-.-.-
Having lunch with Keeley is nice. She's full of wonderful and bizarre and funny stories from work, and honestly, Roy is just happy to sit there and listen. Of course, it can't last. Keeley's too kind. So eventually, the conversation turns to him.
“So how are you and Jamie?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
Roy shrugs.
“What more do you need to know?”
“What do you mean?” Her eyebrows stop their movement and furrow instead.
“Well, you've been seeing Jamie almost weekly, I guess I assumed the topic had come up.” Roy spears a bite onto his fork.
“What are you talking about? I haven't seen Jamie for more than a few minutes since the three of us had dinner, like, what was it, 2 months ago?” Keeley reaches out her arm and grabs Roy's hand. He drops his fork. “What is going on?”
And fuck. Roy doesn't want to make this a thing. The three of them are in a good place and he doesn't want to ruin it, but outside of Jamie and Sarah, Keeley is his best friend. And Roy doesn't think he can take this much longer before he actually cracks.
“Jamie's been lying to me.”
Keeley blinks.
“Fuck. Do you know why?”
Roy shakes his head.
“You want me to talk to him?” Keeley asks as she rubs her thumb over his hand.
“No, it's fine. I don't want you to get in the middle of this.”
“Fuck that. Jamie's been using me in his lies, I'm already in the middle of this, Roy. And it's anything but fine.”
Roy loves her fierceness, but he really needs to do this alone.
“Fuck, I know. I know it's not fine. I'm sorry he's been using you. I just-” Roy growls in frustration. Words are hard.
Keeley squeezes his hand.
“I won't say anything to him until you ask me to, I promise.”
“Thank you, Keeley.”
Keeley deftly changes the subject after, making Roy feel incredibly grateful. He's lucky to have found such a good friend in her.
-.-.-
Roy stops asking Jamie to come over altogether. He figures if Jamie wants to, he's just as capable of asking. Or just showing up, as he used to do and Roy used to hate but ended up missing.
He tries his best to treat Jamie as always during training, but as soon as work is done, Roy leaves. One day, Ted holds him back to ask him if he's okay. Roy merely replies that he will be. He is not in the mood for one of Ted's lengthy metaphors that make sense to absolutely no one except for maybe Beard. And God forbid Ted getting the Diamond Dogs involved. Plus, it'd be uncomfortable talking about Jamie to their fellow boss.
Friday night, Roy's about to go to bed when the front door opens. At first he tenses, but then his body remembers this used to be a common occurrence.
Jamie's here.
Roy doesn't know how to feel about it, if he's totally honest. Part of him is thrilled Jamie's come to see him, finally, but the rest of him is sad, angry, and most of all, hurt.
Jamie lets himself fall onto the couch next to him and immediately snuggles into Roy's side. Roy has to close his eyes to cope with the onslaught of feelings.
“I'm sorry I haven't been around much,” Jamie mumbles into his chest before looking up and giving him a peck on the lips. “I've missed you.”
“I've missed you, too,” Roy manages to choke out. He takes a deep breath to control his emotions and realizes Jamie's freshly showered, his hair still damp. He glances at the clock. He knows for a fact Jamie hit the showers right after training today, so why shower again before coming here?
Roy refuses to think it. All the signs might be pointing towards it, but Roy just truly can't believe Jamie would do that.
Or maybe he just really doesn't want to.
-.-.-
The next morning, Roy wakes up to a note from Jamie.
“Sorry, promised my mum I'd pop up this weekend. See you Monday!
Love you!”
His initial response is to be hurt to not have been asked along. He loves Georgie, and he knows Georgie loves him. He supposes it's selfish, though. It's Jamie's mum, they deserve to spend time together. Because surely Jamie wouldn't lie about his mum, right?
Right?
Roy's not sure he's sure about anything anymore.
-.-.-
Ted's come up with another ridiculous scheme they spent the whole day practicing, and Roy's genuinely in a good mood when he walks back into the changing room. Jamie smiles at him, and Roy decides to go and ask him how Georgie was when he's put his notes away.
When he walks back out of the office, Jamie's gone.
-.-.-
He doesn't hear from Jamie for the rest of the day, which sadly has become the norm lately. Roy wonders if Jamie will show up for training in the morning.
When he's brushing his teeth, he no longer has to wonder.
“Sorry, can't make training. I'll make it up to you!”
It's the exact same message he's gotten several times before. Roy bitterly wonders when the making up part begins.
He replies with a thumb; Jamie hates them and Roy allows himself to be a little petty just this once.
He sets his own alarm anyways. He could use a proper work out to quiet his brain and calm down his body.
-.-.-
Even that doesn't go according to plan. He pushes himself more than he should have, so when near the end of his route a squirrel shoots by in front of him, he can't swerve out of the way in time. He twists his bum knee, and crashes to the ground with a shout. He can tell it's bad.
He lets himself lay there on the cold, damp ground for a minute or two to curse his current existence and catch his breath, before grabbing his phone and calling an ambulance.