Chapter Text
"Who's this douchebag?"
Dave opened his eyes with a start. He was attempting to sleep, an activity he expected was impossible in this dreambubble hell of his. He sat up groggily and noticed that the nice bed from Derse's moon had been replaced with a pile of grass and pink leaves, and that the rest of the landscape was dominated by huge purple trees. He was in someone else's memory now.
Dave looked in the direction of the shrill voice. He had only met two trolls so far, but two was enough to determine that the grey-skinned, orange-horned figure before him was a troll as well. He looked her over: that omega-looking symbol on her shirt, those red anime shades, that cane. His mind recalled all the shitty comics where he had seen them before.
He had finally found her. The girl who helped him. The girl who killed him.
As Dave stood up, a gruff voice answered from a distance. "How the fuck am I supposed to know? You ran off after you 'smelled something suspicious' with that mutant snout of yours, so I can't even see who you're talking about!"
The girl went stone-faced before shouting back, "Neither can I.” She then let out a cackle like the second-place hyena at a scare-the-shit-out-of-Dave competition.
A mess of unruly black hair and two nubby horns became visible as the nearing voice answered "As if your constant blindness puns aren't so totally played out by now."
The male troll had completely white eyes. Dave gladly ignored the disconcerting sight for the moment and considered his words carefully. She had had many conversations with him, but never in person. These would be the first words he would say to her in real life. Actually, he thought, in real death, but hell if I'm going to alter every figure of speech to accommodate my new living conditions. Or rather dying conditions. Or would it be death conditions? Post-death conditions? See, this is exactly why my idioms need to stay the same; change one and it's a slippery-slope clusterfuck down into the lowest level of grammatical purgatory.
While Dave's mind was occupied with all the semantic implications of his new existence (non-existence? FUCK.), the two trolls began to converse. When he finally jumped from a sidecar off that pedantic train of thought, he heard one of them ask the other, "I wonder if it can talk?” Before the other could open his mouth and say something predictably profane, Dave decided to clear up the confusion.
"Sup Terezi."
With a noncommittal wave of the hand Dave successfully pulled off what he was sure was the coolest greeting in paradox space. He briefly wondered whether she would reply "Hey Dave," or "Hey Cool Kid.” Instead she gave him a puzzled look and paused to let the angry one flip his shit.
"HOLY FUCK. I don't know what's worse, that it can speak or that it somehow knows your name. What in the name of the Gamzee's shitty clown gods have you done with this repulsive creature?"
"SHUSH! I just told you I've never met him before. Maybe we ought to let him explain?" she responded, turning to Dave. "You have a lot of questions to answer, but the first one can be this: What is your name?"
Dave was sure they were fucking with him. "What, you don't recognize me? Figures that those Trollian viewports wouldn't be able to accurately render Dave Strider. You could probably only make out these cool as fuck shades through all that compression loss."
"Dave, huh? Well as you somehow already know, I'm Terezi and the grumpy nook whiffer there is Karkat.” She rested both her hands on the cane in front of her, grinning. "So tell me luscious lime Dave, how do you know who I am?"
He took one hand from the pocket of what had recently turned into his felt suit and grabbed the back of his neck. Something was off about this whole encounter. "Wait," he realized. "I got this, you don't remember me cause you haven't figured out that this is a dream bubble or something.” He was pretty sure that's how that particular metaphysical convention worked.
"You are dodging the question.” Terezi licked her lips as Dave mentally remarked that her morbid alien lawyer shtick was more terrifying face to face. "For your information, we've been here a while and figured out that we were both dead rather quickly. Now I will only ask one more time, how do you know my name?” She prompted her hand for a slap.
"Jegus fuck, Terezi, no need to pop a justice boner, I'm not a fucking Republic serial villain. I'm a human. From your universe, the one you created."
The feigned interest Karkat held throughout the conversation collapsed under the weight of his genuine interest in that last statement. "Hold up, seriously? Rewind that shit, Dave...human, his Honorable Tyranny wasn't paying attention."
Dave sighed. Whatever direction Karkat was about to take this conversation was definitely going to be a shitty one. "You created our universe in the game. The same game we all died playing."
Karkat smirked. "So that makes us your GODS, doesn't it? We are responsible for your miserable existence so you'd better kneel agog and grovel, bitch. I'll be expecting burnt offerings on hourly interv—" Terezi placed her prompted hand over Karkat's mouth with an audible "DOOF."
"You'll have to forgive my, uh, partner. He may seem like an angry asshole at first, but that's only because he is one.” Any objections Karkat gave were muffled. It seemed like Terezi wasn't going to let him talk until she got her answers. "So what's your story then? You said you died playing the game."
Dave almost let a hint of frustration show though his facade. Was she really going to make him be the one to say what she did? "Yeah. I did. And you're the one—"
A vocal yelp cut him off as Terezi pulled her hand away and wiped it on her shirt. "Karkles!" she playfully intoned, "I thought I told you that I was the only one who was allowed to initiate licking sessions!” A wry grin played on her lips.
"Sure. And I thought I told you to never call me by that insufferable pet name." Even Karkat was smiling now. "So we're even now. Wait; forget I said that, I know how all of that balance and justice shit gets you worked up."
"Too late, I'm feeling a case of the jurisprudential vapors coming on already! It could very well be lethal.” Her grin somehow managed to magnify.
"Good thing we're already fucking dead, then."
Terezi frowned. "That was the joke, dumbass."
Karkat knitted his brow. "What about the little engagement we had before you decided to nose-ogle some alien? You know, just the whole fucking reason we were out here in the first place? Was that a joke too?"
"Sorry I can't be on the ball constantly like you seem to think you are! Some of us get a little distracted sometimes.” She turned to Dave, who had been quite busy failing to realize what the fuck was going on between those two. "Ugh. I'm afraid story time is going to have to wait. Karkat gets cranky if he goes too long without…in any case, we can catch up later.” Terezi grabbed Karkat's hand and walked off towards a distant congregation of tents. "See you around!”
Dave's reply of "But how?" went unheeded.
***
Dave finished shaping the crushed sugar cubes into a roughly comfortable bed and stood to admire his work. He glanced behind him, sure he had heard something. Was that a purr? Maybe a dead Rose is nearby. That would explain all the cats on these teapots. No, wait, her planet was unbearably saccharine, but not literally. Whose memory is this, anyway?
As if in answer, something leapt from the shadows and tacklepounced him like the blue ribbon winner at a scare-the-shit-out-of-Dave competition. The two slid through the pile, strewing little cubes about indiscriminately. His attacker, another goddamn troll with an olive green long coat, greeted him enthusiastically.
"Is that you, Akwete Purrmusk?"
The girl had unkempt black hair and eyes like two bone china plates. Dave tentatively played along. "You know it girl. Glutes of tempered steel right here. I used to claim they were the hardest in the jungle but damn, judging from that pounce you might have just given me a run for my money. I'd love to chat but I have a ton of not being straddled by a total fucking stranger plans, so if you wouldn't mind getting off—"
"Teehee! All you had to do was ask, silly." She stood up and let Dave do the same before introducing herself. "My name's Nepeta!"
"Sup," Dave responded, dusting the white specks off of his black suit in vain. "I lied earlier by the way; I don't have any real plans. Also my name's Dave, not Akimbe Meowstank or whatever the fuck."
"Heh, I knew that. I was just hoping you'd be able to roleplay fur me like you did fur Jade."
A brief look of surprise passed over Dave's face. "Whoa, when did you talk to Jade? Did she show you that pesterlog?"
"Mmmhmm. I roleplayed a lot with her ofur Trollian! No offense," she grinned, "but she was my purrsonal favorite out of all the kids.” She drew out the pun as if she weren't sure Dave would get it. "We went on some super fun adventures too!"
"In person? You managed to take her on some sort of goofy Nepetaquest?"
Nepeta sat on the ground and began to stretch her legs. "Sort of. I got to hang out with her here after her dreamself died. But then she disapearred and I nefur saw her again!"
Dave sat across from her and folded his arms. "Shit. Does that happen all the time here?”
She shook her head. "It happens to people who are only sleeping when they wake up or someone hits them, but it nefur happens to dead people."
"I think I know where she went."
Nepeta gasped. "Really? You know what catpunned to Jade?"
"Yeah, she prototyped her sprite with her dead dreamself after she entered."
"Yay! She must have been happy to be back!"
Dave recollected Jade's description of the event. "Uh...yeah. She was totally fine with that."
Nepeta scooted closer to him. "She talked about you a lot, you know."
"I'm sure. She must have had a lot to say. Probably had to consult a dead dream thesaurus to look up more words meaning awesome. Then the book burst into flames and rekilled itself because there simply aren't enough. Jade was on me like fleas on an obscenely rad dog."
"Dog? Where!" Nepeta shouted, jumping to all fours. Dave couldn't help snickering. "That was mean." She stuck out her tongue and sat back down. "But if what Jade said was true, I can see why you were Terezi's favorite."
Dave blinked. "How much do you know about Terezi? I met her earlier and she acted like she didn't know me."
"Oh. Was she with Karkat?"
"Yeah."
"That's why. I saw them run off in this direction. That Terezi is the dead dreamself of the Terezi you knew. She and that Karkat both died when Jack destroyed Purrospit in our session. Before we discovered the humans."
Shit. "So she told you all this herself, then?"
Nepeta crinkled her brow before stammering out, "Uh, sure, she must have told me!"
Dave sprang to his feet. "Yeah, BS. You would have blabbed to her about humans if you really talked to her."
Nepeta pouted. "Grrr. Denying what someone else says is a total RPing no-no!"
"Good thing we aren't roleplaying." He saw a chance to strike a nerve and added, "Now there's a statement that's always true."
She gasped. "Take that back, you big meanie!"
"Fine.” Dave smirked a little. This was the most fun he'd had while dead. "But only after you tell me the truth."
"Alright," Nepeta sighed, "I ofurheard it."
"And how did you do that?” His eyebrow arched.
"I'VE BEEN STALKING TEREZI AND KARKAT FUR A WHILE, OKAY?” He stared at her, speechless. "It's in my nature!" she protested. "I'm not gonna do anything to cause a purroblem. Come along if you want, I'll show you! Sigh...you don't blame me, do you?"
"Of course I blame you.” Dave reached out a hand to her. "For not inviting me sooner.” She grabbed his hand and stood up. "Sure beats sitting at my house listening to Tavros's godawful raps."
"Aww," she cried, crestfallen. "I had such high hopes for you two!”
"What's that supposed to—"
"No time," she interrupted, "Which way did they go?"
As they sped off after their prey, Dave wondered what in hell he had gotten himself into.