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Davey hears the click of the door to their apartment opening and closing—Jack is finally home from work. Call him clingy, but was it really a bad thing that he wanted to see his favorite person after a long day? Not to mention it was Davey’s day off from work today, which usually meant a lot of lounging around the apartment and busying himself with house chores. He was excited to see his boyfriend. He waits until he hears footsteps padding towards him to shut off the sink and turn around to greet Jack.
“Hey, love,” Jack smiles upon seeing him. He drops his messenger bag into a chair and goes to engulf Davey in a hug and a brief kiss to his temple. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Dave, I’ll tell ya that.”
“It’s nice to see you too, Jackie,” Davey says, wrapping his arms around him, inhaling and drinking in Jack’s scent. He always smelled strangely good after work, even if he spent the whole day bent over at a desk, drawing all the things his hands would allow him to. Davey runs a comforting hand along his lover’s back. “Bad day?”
“Was alright,” Jack pulls away and shakes his head. “Just tiring seein’ the same white collars at my desk. Suit and tie gets old fast.” He says, voice tinged with irritation. He reaches up at his shirt collar to loosen his tie.
Davey hums apologetically and turns his attention towards the dish towel he left hanging off the kitchen counter. “I was about to start dinner. What are you in the mood for?” Davey says, hanging the towel on a rack next to the sink. He’s interrupted when Jack reaches out to gently press a hand to Davey’s waist, turning him to face him. The gesture makes Davey flush, eyes meeting Jack’s, and he notices a strange look about him.
“Jack?” He says, with all the softness he can muster. He feels himself falter a little bit under the intensity of Jack’s gaze.
“Davey,” Jack responds in a gruff voice, with a squeeze to the hand on the other’s waist. “Could we, uh, put off dinner for now?”
“Oh,” Davey says, hand moving to rest on Jack’s forearm. He gives Jack a small smile. “Not hungry? You must be tired from work.” He says, running his hands up and over Jack’s arms to rest on his shoulders. They were tense, Davey notes, as he rubs the fabric of Jack’s shirt between his fingers.
The action earns Davey a half-smile from Jack, his eyes softening in the slightest. “I am, but… We need to talk.” Jack says, with a tone of finality. His expression was unusually blank, eyes focused, and seemingly boring holes into Davey. It stirs up something unpleasant in Davey’s stomach, but he tries not to let it show on his face.
“Okay,” Davey says through an exhale. “What about?”
“Let’s sit?” Jack says, a thumb pointing rearwards to the couch in their living room.
Davey nods, lips tightly pressed together, and follows Jack helplessly into the living room. He’s sure that his nervousness is betrayed on his face, but whether or not Jack has noticed, he doesn’t say anything.
For a second, just before his foot makes contact with the carpet, Davey reflects. He doesn’t have a good feeling about this; but, then again, Davey hardly ever has any good feelings about confrontation. This time, though, Davey thinks his vision is going to start spotting soon. This had to be bad. What else could ‘we need to talk’ imply? Davey swallows and twists the hem of his sweater. He was trying to remember not to let his thoughts get ahead of him.
Think rationally, David. He and Jack had a good thing going. More than good, honestly; after four years of dancing around each other’s feelings and another three of dating, plus weekly date nights and an apartment together, Davey could say that his relationship was great. He loved Jack, and Jack loved him. Davey knows this—because he asked Jack for weeks on end after they moved in together if he did—just to make sure that Jack wasn’t going to up and run in the middle of the night. And Jack had always said yes.
Davey knew him like the back of his hand, like a report he’d written up countless times; Jack was a romantic, he wouldn’t go out of his way to date him and move in with him if he didn’t really, truly love Davey. Surely, this couldn’t be what he thought this was—but Davey was anything but a fool, and he didn’t want to hang his feelings out to dry with false hope. He loved intensely, but also couldn’t shut his eyes to what Jack could want to talk about with him, even if it made him feel a little sick.
Jack sat on one end of the couch and he pats the space beside him, looking up at Davey. He complies, hands fidgeting in his lap.
“Davey,” Jack starts, exhaling deeply. He takes Davey’s hand in his. Davey instinctively intertwines their fingers together. “Ya know, Davey, we've been through a lot together, ain't we? We’ve been together for a long time.”
“Yes, we have,” Davey says. Oh no. Jack’s words make his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. He’s suddenly very aware of how achingly empty he feels, how Jack’s hand sort of feels cold instead of its usual warmth and comfort—or maybe that was just him and his overactive mind—and, oh, was it getting hard to breathe in this room or was he just overreacting? Davey takes a deep breath, though it’s done with great effort.
“And I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout our future.” Jack continues. He motions between the two of them with his free hand. “Our relationship. I don’t wanna hide things from you or nothin’.”
“Okay,” Davey says, and it comes out scratchy, more revealing of how he feels than he’d like it to be. His throat was drier than he could imagine, as if all moisture had been seared from his mouth.
Instantly, Davey’s mind jumps to all sorts of places at the mention of hiding things. What if Jack had fallen out of love with him? Found someone new, someone who was inevitably better for him than Davey? What if Jack had finally bought a ticket for that godforsaken train to Santa Fe, and decided that he would want to leave everything behind? Davey would follow him anywhere, to the ends of the Earth, but how could he if Jack wouldn’t let him?
Davey steels himself. Think cool and calm and logical. You can do this. He tries to focus on the movement of Jack’s mouth, words coming out very fuzzily to him.
Jack continues. “Well, y’see, I thought that…” he pauses, eyes glued to his and Davey’s intertwined hands. “I’ve been thinkin’ that I—that we—could be happier than we are now. I guess I’m tryin’ to say that I want things to be…different.”
Davey nods once, all too robotically. It felt like it was all he could do, on account of how he couldn’t bring himself to speak. In all truth, Jack wasn’t making total sense to him, because Davey couldn’t believe it himself; he thought that Jack was happy with him. Different, meaning Jack now wanted nothing to do with him. Different, meaning Jack could be happier without him.
Jack is good—too good for Davey. He should’ve known that it would turn out like this. Not to say that he was always a pessimist (he thinks it’s better to face reality than to fool himself), but good things don’t come often to Davey. Especially not someone as good and bright and beautiful as Jack Kelly—the guy who made him feel more than he ever had—the kindest, most caring man he ever knew, the guy who would do anything at the drop of a hat just to help the people he loves. Anyone who knew Jack would agree. Happiness never came easy to Davey, even now. He was just grateful that he was given a glimpse of what his life could be with the man he loved.
When Jack is met with silence (which is actually Davey’s deep and spiraling contemplation), he looks Davey in the eye. He smiles sheepishly, and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. If Davey looked closely, he would even say that Jack looked a little nervous. He was probably afraid of Davey’s reaction, to be breaking things off like this. “I, uh, hope you know where I’m goin’ with this, Dave.”
Davey, on the other hand, fails to grasp onto any of his courage at the moment. He looks away from Jack, eyes lasered in on the carpet, and Jack squeezes his hand—his heart swells painfully. This was probably the last time he would ever get to hold Jack’s hand like this.
“Yeah,” Davey says, and his voice cracks embarrassingly. “I get it. I just…”
Jack is staring at him, mouth slightly parted, and Davey wants so badly to hug him, to kiss him, but why beat a dead horse? Davey knows better; he knows that he’s lost this battle. He inhales before he speaks, trying to calm the tremors in his hands. “I want to know what…spurred this on,” he says. “I need to know if—if it was something I did—or if it’s—I…”
Jack’s face falls in the slightest. He furrows his brows. “What?”
“I—I don’t know if I did anything wrong, and I’m sorry for that,” Davey feels his eyes burning. He retreats his hand from Jack’s and folds his arms around himself, as some kind of pity self-hug. God knows he needs one at a time like this. “If it’s not me, I need to know if—if there’s someone else, or…”
“Hang on,” Jack says, hand chasing Davey’s, which then falls uselessly to his side. The crease between his eyebrows has now become more prominent. “Davey, what are you talkin’ about?”
“You’re—you’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” Davey whispers, just loud enough to be heard. A single tear rolls down his cheek and he immediately hates himself for it. His hand flies up to wipe it away, but before he knows it, more and more tears come flowing out.
Davey ducks his head, attempting to hide his face from Jack. He was embarrassed enough that he was crying, but Jack’s lack of response was the crash into the iceberg. “I want you to be happy, Jack, and if you can’t be happy with me, then…” he sniffs and wipes at his nose with his sleeve. “I understand. You’re a good person, Jack, and you deserve happiness.”
“Oh my god,” Jack says under his breath, slowly and epiphanic, with realization just dawning upon him. “Davey—no—oh my god, no!” His eyes are wide, shocked, and Davey feels the couch shift like Jack was going to get off, but then he feels him move closer. He almost recoils from the sudden movement, but his mind is lagging to catch up with what Jack is telling him.
“I’m not—oh shit, I really screwed this up, didn’t I?” Jack says, exasperated. He scrambled to reposition himself on the couch so he was now facing his boyfriend, grabbing at his hands. “I’m not breaking up with you, oh god, please don’t cry…”
The touch brings Davey to look at Jack, albeit very confusedly. “I don’t understand,” he says, dazed, squinting to focus on Jack’s face. “You said—our future… that—that things should be different—”
“No! I meant—wait—” Jack puts his hands on either side of his lover’s arms, one reaching up to cup Davey’s face. Davey feels helpless, and he instantly turns to putty under Jack’s touch. “Shit. I’m so sorry, Davey. Hey, I’m not goin’ anywhere if you aren’t, okay? I mean it. I don’t want to leave you, I would never even dream of it.”
One of Davey’s hands comes up to rest on the one caressing his face. He squeezes Jack’s hand. “Really? You’re really not…?” Davey frowns, voice wavering.
“Of course, love,” Jack says, eyebrows knitted together in genuine remorse. His thumb swipes a stray tear from Davey’s face. “Fuck… I feel like such an asshole for makin’ you cry. I’m sorry.”
“It’s—it’s okay,” Davey says through a laugh that he forces out. He didn’t know if it was really okay that he had just misjudged the whole situation, but it was better if he didn’t think about it. “You really scared me. I almost passed out.”
Jack’s eyes widen. “Are you serious? Do you need to lay down?”
“Ehh, I’m only half joking,” Davey says, humorlessly. “I still don’t understand, though… What was all that before if you’re not breaking up with me?”
“Oh, right,” Jack says, unexpectedly looking flustered. He removes his hands from Davey’s face. “I wanted to talk to you for a different reason. Definitely not breakin’ up.”
Davey watches in anticipation as Jack takes a huge breath; he breathes out slowly like he’s trying to prolong the moment. He was finally about to hear the real reason for Jack’s talk, and the real culprit of Davey’s anxieties.
“Here goes… You know I’m no good with words, and I’m not as good at talkin’ as you are, but…you’re a treasure, Davey.” A smile spreads across Jack’s face. “I know I’m real lucky to have someone like you, and—and I can’t imagine the rest of my life without you.”
Davey feels his breath catch in his throat. “Jack…?”
Jack clasps both of Davey’s hands within his. He holds eye contact, never looking away for a second as he speaks. “I wanna spend every day with you. I wanna be there with you for everythin’ you go through. I want you, Davey, and I hope you want me, too.”
Jack untangles himself from Davey, pulling a black box out from his pocket. He sinks to one knee and opens the box, revealing the glimmering ring that catches the sunlight seeping into the apartment.
“David Jacobs, will you make me the happiest damn guy in New York, and marry me?”
Jack looks at him expectantly. Davey is frozen to the couch, hands inches from his mouth, midway from trying to cover it but then his brain just promptly short-circuited.
Then, Davey bursts into tears. Again.
“Oh shit, Davey,” Jack stands and almost trips over his own feet at the urgency. He’s at Davey’s side in less than a second. He hovers in front of him, fumbling with the ring box, taking glances back towards the kitchen. “I keep makin’ you cry… Here, let me get you some wa—”
Davey launches himself at Jack and buries his face into Jack’s chest. He knocks into him quite dangerously, but Jack is quick to steady him with one hand. Davey’s hands grasp the back of Jack’s head, at his nape, at the collar of his shirt.
“Yes,” Davey mumbles into Jack’s shirt. He repeats it, like a mantra, over and over again. “Yes, I will marry you, Jack Kelly, you—”
Jack lets out a sigh, a mix of relief and pure affection. His arms wrap around Davey in a strong embrace, his heart feeling impossibly full. “I love you,” Jack says, voice thick with emotion (and maybe he was a little misty-eyed). He draws Davey away from him to capture his lips in a sweet kiss.
Davey presses against Jack, wanting to be infinitely closer. “I love you more,” he says, just short of a whisper.
“Not possible.” Jack grins. He brushes away hair from Davey’s forehead.
“Ugh,” Davey scrubs at his face, eyes red-rimmed. “I cried so much. I feel lightheaded.”
“Do you feel like passing out again?” Jack’s concern is palpable. It almost makes Davey laugh.
“Shut up,” Davey smiles. “Oh, wait,” He feels for Jack’s hand around him, suddenly remembering the ring. He turns the lightest color of pink and steps back to offer his left hand to Jack. “I almost forgot.”
Without another moment of hesitation, Jack plucks the ring from the box, tucking it back into his pocket, and slides it onto Davey’s ring finger. He can’t seem to keep himself from smiling, all giddy and euphoric. He holds onto Davey’s hand, admiring how the silver band looks on his now fiancé after months of planning.
“It’s gorgeous,” Davey says, breathless and mesmerized, moving his hand to watch the light reflect off of the band. “I love it. I love you.”
“I can’t believe it,” Jack says, in awe. He moves to pull Davey closer by his belt loops and puts a hand on the small of his back. He noses at Davey’s ear, which earns him a laugh. “My fiancé, huh? You’re stickin’ with me forever, Jacobs.”
“I’m yours, Jackie,” Davey says, a wistful look in his eyes. “Oh, but next time,” he says and wraps his arms around Jack’s neck, whose hands have found themselves comfortable on Davey’s waist. “Just ask me if you want me to marry you. I don’t think my heart could take it if I had to listen to another skewed breakup talk.”
“There won’t be a next time, sweetheart,” Jack says and pulls back to look at Davey, with the most lovestruck look he has ever seen. “You’re it for me, Davey.”
The sincerity in Jack’s tone makes tears well up in Davey’s eyes, for the nth time that day. Davey gives him a wobbly smile, then makes a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob, and he presses his face into Jack’s shoulder. “I love you,” he repeats, muffled, like it’s the only thing he knows how to say. He hears Jack mutter a soft reciprocation, coupled with a kiss on the top of his head.
“You’re it for me, too,” Davey says quietly, pulling away and pressing a chaste kiss to Jack’s lips that the other melts into. “But you know what I meant. It’s a ‘marry me’ or bust.”
“Okay. Marry me?”
“I already said yes.” Davey holds up his left hand to make a point.
“I know,” Jack smiles, a loopy expression on his face. He brings Davey’s hand to his mouth and kisses his ring finger. “I can’t believe it. I’m the luckiest fella in town.”
Davey blushes. “Did you think I was going to say no?”
“I hoped you would say yes,” Jack says. “I’m just really happy I get to call you my fiancé.”
“Oh, Jackie,” Davey says, wondering how much more affection he could hold in his heart for this man, laying his head on Jack’s shoulder.
They found themselves in a gentle sway, which made Davey feel all the more over the moon. His heart thumps in his chest, and in the moment, he swears his blood is only pumping through his body for Jack.
“My husband-to-be,” Davey mutters into his shoulders, voice muffled. He feels the tips of his ears heat up as Jack chuckles.
“I’ll get to introduce you as my husband one day.” Jack muses, and Davey can hear the smile in his voice.
“Introduce to who, Jack?” Davey pulls back and raises an eyebrow.
“I dunno,” Jack says, keeping the gentle sway of their bodies together. “The guys? Racer and Albert and Finch? Oh, Crutchie too, of course, and Kath… Especially Race, though. He tortured me about this engagement thing for weeks! Ya know how he can’t even keep it together about his ring for Spot? I’d love to rub it in his face.”
Davey gasps. “Race’s gonna propose?”
“Don’t tell him I told you that.” Jack mimes zipping his mouth shut.
Davey laughs, eyes crinkling. Then he straightens up, gaze focused. “Oh, right,” he says and makes a noise of thoughtfulness. “What do you prefer, Jacobs-Kelly or Kelly-Jacobs?”
“Why don’t we discuss that over dinner? I’m starving,” Jack says and drags him into the kitchen by the hand, laughing along the way.
That night, Davey sends a picture of his outstretched hand to Sarah, who calls him and whoops and cheers for a good minute before hanging up.