Chapter Text
Sam was falling. She had been running through the tunnels of the mines, desperately trying to retrace her steps, desperately trying to put distance between her and the shrieks of the monster, distance between her and slow drip of the dead man's blood.
She’d been so focused on the sounds of the wendigo that her weary eyes didn't notice how the ground had started crumbling, how she’d ran straight towards a ledge, and now she was painfully tumbling down, too fast for her to find any real purchase on the rocks before she hit the bottom. She bit down harshly on her lip, willing herself to not let her cry of pain out, for fear of being heard.
But it had suddenly become deathly quiet. The wendigos howl that been echoing the tunnels had stopped entirely. For a few long moments the only sounds to be heard were her ragged breaths and her own heartbeat. And then she heard him. She heard Josh, just as she had before-he was mumbling to himself, voice hoarse and cracking with pain, rising in volume now as he became more distraught.
He was seeing them again, Hannah and Beth, and as Sam strained her eyes she could see him in the space in front of her . And then she froze. There was another Wendigo climbing along the wall towards him, closing in on Josh’s voice. Caught up in his mind, he turned, shouting out towards the darkness.
She couldn’t will words to leave her mouth, couldn’t move her body, couldn’t look away. She wanted to scream, because Josh was right there and she was going to have to watch as that thing tore him apart, she was going to have to watch him die again and--
She bolted up in bed, her whole body trembling. A glance at her phone tells her it's half past three, but she isn’t laying back down, she won’t sleep and she knows it. She curls up in herself and waits for the sun to rise.
Sam could no longer count the number of times this had happened since the night on the mountain. Moments of rest became few and far between, and she couldn't recall a night when she wasn't woken with nightmares, nor could she recall a time when the dark had been peaceful and relaxing instead of suffocating. And so she waited for dawn, waited for it the same way they all had that night.
Sometimes the silence of her own house was too much when she woke, and she'd call Mike. It didn't seem odd to Sam that he was usually already up when she called, and sometimes they'd talk about their nightmares, but more often than not it was much more comfortable to talk quietly about other things. What didn't particularly matter, because it was a distraction regardless. She'd thought several times about dialing Josh's number on those nights. She refrained from doing so.
Everyone survived the night and Mike brought Josh back safely, but what he did is unforgivable. She knows this. She knows it more than anything, and even Chris seems wary of him, looks like he’s trying to hold onto the same trust for Josh that he once had unsuccessfully. It’s been a little over two months since that night and only three of them have even bothered visiting him.
If Emily never spoke to any of them again after that night it wouldn’t be too surprising. She blamed nearly everyone for not sticking up for her when Mike tried shooting her, and although Sam had stood up for her Emily was furious at her just the same for still communicating with them. Matt stayed with Em, so he became distant too, and although he made attempts at talking with the others, it’s doubtful at best that he’ll visit Josh. They’d never been close.
Ashley looks downright terrified when confronted with the idea of seeing Josh again. She had said that she's sorry and that she knows it isn’t entirely his fault, but she can’t see him in person again. Not yet, she isn’t ready for that yet. She might never be.
Jess has her own problems. She’s recovered enough to return home, but it’s clear that a part of her was lost in those mines, trapped forever. Her parents were infuriated, and if even if she was feeling up to seeing anyone but Mike again they wouldn’t let her see Josh, that much Sam knew.
So that left three. Three old friends who had made the choice of keeping Josh in their lives. Chris, Mike and herself. Chris is the least surprising, because despite everything Chris is still his best friend, and the odds of him pushing Josh out of his life are one in a million. He's always cared deeply for Josh, and the fact that things had gotten so bad without Chris knowing, without anyone knowing, crushed him.
Mike surprises Sam however. He and Josh were never really close, that distance spreading ten fold after Hannah and Beth’s disappearance.
The conversation between the two of them on the matter was exceedingly brief.
When she asked he had laughed bitterly, a sad look in his eyes. “It’s the least I can do, isn’t it? I was the one who embarrassed Hannah back then. I didn’t even try reaching out to him after the fact. Hell Sam, I didn’t even say sorry. Not to him. I’m not making the same mistake again. What he did was wrong, no doubt, but I was wrong too. I just wish I would have owned up to that sooner.”
Sam was left speechless. Mike had matured so much, and she left the conversation at that, because he was confident and so sure that was he was doing was right. She envied him for that.
Mike and Chris both had seen him before her, and offered to take her with them when they went to visit. She had been dead set on keeping him out of her life forever. It was a simple fact, a mantra she repeated in her head: what Josh did is unforgivable.
No one denied that. Chris and Mike knew it just as well as she did. They still visited him every week, still kept in touch with him over the phone. They still cared about him, and even if they didn't entirely forgive him for what happened, they were willing to move past it with him. Because they knew it was partly their fault. Because they knew Josh would give anything to take it back now.
Sam told herself that it didn't hurt when she thought about him, that she didn't want to see him. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care. That he wasn't plaguing her dreams.
She eventually came to realize that even after everything he'd done, she still wanted to talk to him. So she stopped lying to herself. She was never good at it anyway.
She arrived at his doorstep exactly two months after the incident. She didn't tell Chris or Mike, and she wasn't planning on doing so until after she'd met up with him. She did tell Josh in advance, however. There was a nagging fear at the back of her mind, that maybe he'd be the one to turn her down, send her away. His reaction was quite the opposite.
She barely had time to knock once before the door swung open, Josh looking at her disbelievingly. "You came," he nearly whispered, "You actually came..."
A wave of guilt overwhelming her, she pulled him into a hug that he was hesitant to return, wrapping his arms around her carefully, as if he feared she might disappear. She didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but she needed to. She needed the reassurance that he was real, that this wasn't another dream. It seemed that he needed that too.
It had struck her the moment she saw his face again. He didn't think she'd come. She had made him believe that she had given up on him. That she wasn't coming back. She had thought so herself.
"I'm sorry Josh, I'm here now, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." She repeated her words over and over again in her mind, a new mantra, a new absolute.
This wasn't going to be easy. She knew that this didn't mean everything could be normal again. Their old normal had died long ago and they were going to have to find a new one, a new routine, but she was willing now. He stroked her back carefully, still fearful that she might fall apart, might vanish.
"Me too Sammy...I'm sorry too.."
And she knew why she had woken up from the same dream time and time again, cold and trembling and afraid. Her worst nightmare was losing him. She'd almost let it happen too.