Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sawamura Eijun has always been of the mind that if something doesn't need to be resolved within the next, say, two days, it isn't a problem worth solving. That sort of thinking is the reason why he once learned a change-up in one night and overcame the yips minutes before starting a game. So, in the past, it's worked out for him pretty well.

But right now it's the reason why, two days before baseball practices start at Waseda University, he is still without a place to live.

 “I don’t wanna live in dorms again.” Sawamura flops on Haruichi’s bed, pouting. “Dorms stopped being fun, like, a day after I came to Seido.”

“Well, do you have to live in the dorms?” Haruichi is packing up the last few things left in his dorm. He glances up from the box he's taping shut. “Is it required?”

“Well, no.” Sawamura admits. “But apartments in Tokyo are crazy expensive, even the really bad ones!”

“You could always find a roommate.”

“Haruichi! I always knew this day would come!” Sawamura scrambles to sit up. “You want to room with me, don’t you? Don’t be shy, I’m sure that we can find a place!”

“I...I’m not even moving to Tokyo, Eijun-kun.” Haruichi looks vaguely alarmed. “You do remember that, right? Furuya-kun and I are going to school together in Hokkaido. I told you like a month ago.”

“Of course I remembered!”

Sawamura had not remembered. 

“Of course.” Haruichi has the good manners not to call him on it. He picks up a pen from his desk and starts flipping it between his fingers. “But I think you should at least call Miyuki-senpai. Part of the reason you went to Waseda was so you could play with him again, right?”

“No!” Sawamura shouts, springing up from where he’s been laying. “Hahaha, you’re so wrong, Haruichi!”

Waseda is a good school! A good school with a great baseball team and they had scouted him. Granted, four other schools had also scouted him, but Waseda was the one that he had liked it best. It didn’t have anything to do with the fact that Miyuki was there. It didn’t have anything to do with Miyuki at all.

“Either way, I think you should call him.” Haruichi hums. “You’re friends, after all.”

“Psh, I’m not friends with that bastard.” Sawamura scoffs. He and Miyuki Kazuya are a lot of things; former teammates, a world-class battery, casual acquaintances, occasional partners. But...friends? They’re not friends.

Haruichi sighs in a long-suffering kind of way. “You text him literally all of the time, Eijun-kun.”

“I do not!” Haruichi is clearly confused. How often he texts Miyuki is a perfectly normal amount for former teammates/acquaintances to text each other. Just a couple of times a week to ask things about university-level baseball because that’s relevant to him as a person who will soon be involved in university-level baseball. And then some other times with updates about the team because even though he’s a shitty person, Miyuki wasn’t a shitty captain and so he deserves to know. It’s not his fault if Miyuki texts him weird gifs and smarmy comments back.

Again, the long-suffering sigh. “Just call him, Eijun-kun. I bet he has a teammate who needs a roommate for the next year.” Haruichi flips the pen one last time between dexterous fingers and sets it back on the desk. “Or if not him, then someone else from Seido. There are a couple of them there now, right?”

“Kuramochi!” Sawamura shouts. He had forgotten that his old roommate went to Waseda along with Miyuki and Tetsu. “I’ll just call Kuramochi and ask him!”

“That’s a good idea.” Haruichi says supportively. “He can probably help.”

Kuramochi is still high up in Eijun's contacts. They text about team stuff a couple of times a month and other stuff more frequently. Kuramochi, unlike Miyuki, is one of Eijun's friends. The phone rings twice and then Kuramochi picks up. “Hey there, Sawamoron.” Kuramochi says brightly. “What’s up? You never call.”

“So I’m coming to Waseda.” Sawamura starts.

“Yeah, I knew that already.” Kuramochi interrupts. “When are you moving in? Practice starts in two days, you know.”

“I don’t have a place to live yet.” Sawamura admits.

“Seriously?"

"I know."

"Cutting down to the wire there, idiot." Kuramochi laughs.

"Shut up!" Sawamura protests. "I kind of forgot that I needed to figure something out, alright?"

"Well, you're in luck." Kuramochi says. "Testu is moving in with his girlfriend. So Miyuki and I need a new roommate. We were just going to eat the cost of the rent this month, but if you move in then we won't have to.”

“Roommate?” Sawamura likes Kuramochi. But he does not like living with Kuramochi. Kuramochi’s one and only way to express emotions was to cause others physical pain and Sawamura is so over that. “You want me to come and room with you?”

“I’ve gotten better about the wrestling thing.” Kuramochi seems to hear the reluctance in his voice.

“Really?”

“...yes?”

“I don’t believe you.”

“C’mon, Sawamura. The dorms here are really shitty and me and Miyuki don’t wanna live with some random person we find on the internet.”

“You know what else is shitty? Waking up in a chokehold like three times week!”

“If you don’t live with us, we’re gonna find someone online and they’ll probably be a murderer. And then me and Miyuki will be dead and there will be no one left to catch your ridiculous pitches or deal with your obnoxious personality.”

“I have an obnoxious personality?”

“Admitting it is the first step, Sawamura.”

“Living with you again...” And Miyuki. He adds that part silently. He’s not sure if he wants to live with Miyuki or not. Sure, Miyuki is kind of the worst, but living with him would mean access to his favorite catcher literally all of time. Also, Sawamura has kinda sorta missed the both of them since they graduated. Not that he would ever, ever tell them.

“C’mon and don’t overthink it, Sawamoron.” Kuramochi is saying. “That’s never been your strong point.”

“Hey!” “Come on. A room for you that doesn’t have two other people in it and not getting murdered for me. Everybody wins.”

Sawamura is pretty sure that he doesn’t win, not when he’s sure to end up in a chokehold within the week. But, well, there are worse places to live. And the dorms are probably among those places. Sawamura exchanges a glance with Haruichi. He nods and Sawamura grits his teeth. He won’t get a better deal than this, not so close to the start of practices.

“Okay.” Sawamura says. “When can I move in?”

Moving in doesn’t take long. Most of what Sawamura owns has fit in a dorm for the past three years. He throws what he doesn’t need away and packs the rest of it up into a couple of different bags and hauls it all on the train. Some people stare at him, but whatever. It’s easier than walking or trying to make someone drive him.

When he gets to the building, though, he immediately regrets his choice. Kuramochi told him that they lived on the third floor. What he didn’t tell him was that the building didn’t have an elevator. So Sawamura drags/kicks/struggles everything that he owns up three flights of stairs. He is an athlete. He is supposed to be in shape. Regardless, he ends up on the third floor landing panting like a dog, half of his stuff falling from his arms.

He bangs on the door to apartment 308, ready to bitch at Kuramochi for not offering to help him bring his stuff up the stairs. But Kuramochi isn’t the one who answers.

“Ye...Sawamura?” Miyuki is standing there, dressed in casual clothes. He blinks and, for a moment, his face is blank with surprise.

“Hey there, Miyuki Kazuya.” Sawamura grins, trying to look composed and not like dragged all of this stuff up three flights of stairs, and hitches a bag more securely over his shoulder. “Mind giving me a hand?”

“What are you doing here?” Miyuki does not move to help Sawamura with his stuff. He just kind of stands there, a mug of coffee in one hand and a bemused expression on his face.

“Didn’t Kuramochi tell you I was moving in today?” Sawamura doesn’t wait for him to answer and shouts into the apartment. “Kuramochi-senpai! Why didn’t you tell Miyuki I was moving in todaaay?”

“I did!” Kuramochi hollers back.

“Well he’s being rude!” Sawamura shouts.

“Oh ho, thank you!” Miyuki grins at him.

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

“That wasn’t a compliment!” Kuramochi’s rebuke echoes his.

“Well.” Miyuki leans in the doorway, blocking Sawamura’s entrance into the apartment. “Kuramochi just told me he found us a new roommate. He never said it was you.”

“He di-KURAMOCHI!” Sawamura drops half of his stuff on the floor and cups his hands around his mouth. “KURAMOCHI-SENPAI!”

“...what.” A head pops out from around the corner.

“Why didn't you tell Miyuki-senpai I was moving in?” The only response is a loud laugh and a door slamming.

Miyuki sighs and drags a hand through his hair. “I guess you should come in.” He finally leans back, letting Sawamura pass. “And get your shit out of the doorway.”

“You could help!” Sawamura says, pulling the handles of two different suitcases at once.

Miyuki nods thoughtfully. “That’s true.” Then he turns and hops up to sit on the kitchen counter and watch Sawamura struggle.

“You are still such trash.” Sawamura huffs.

“Careful there, Sawamura.” Miyuki smirks over the rim of his coffee mug. “This trash is your senpai again.”

Sawamura finally manages to drag the last of his things through the doorway. “My apologies, Trash-senpai.” He bows, mockingly low.

Miyuki snickers. “I’m your landlord now, you know. I could kick you out.”

“I really did think Kuramochi-senpai asked, you know.” Sawamura suddenly feels awkward. It’s weird. He doesn’t feel awkward very often, but watching Miyuki sip coffee dressed in loose workout clothes is just...weird. Awkward. Unfamiliar even though it shouldn’t be, not after all of those years living in close quarters back at Seido. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew you didn’t say yes.”

“It’s…” Miyuki rubs the back of his neck with a hand and looks away. “It’s fine. It’s probably better that it’s someone from Seido, anyway. You won’t have to get used to Kuramochi’s stupid wrestling shit.”

“He said he stopped that!” Sawamura shouts down the hall again. “Kuramochi! You said you stopped wrestling people!” His only response is a grating laugh. This bodes ill from Sawamura’s sleep schedule, he can feel it.

Miyuki is still regarding him from his seat on the counter. The expression on his face makes it clear that he is so far less than impressed with university-Sawamura. “You’re still the same idiot, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” Sawamura starts picking up his stuff from where he dumped it in the entryway. “This idiot is your teammate again! You better watch out, Miyuki-senpai. You’re going to have to catch for me again!”

“Mmmmm.” Miyuki hums and sips his coffee. For a minute, neither of them speak. Sawamura continues to gather up his stuff and not look at Miyuki. Eventually, Miyuki is the one to break the silence. “Your room is the first one on the right.” He nods towards the hallway that Kuramochi fled down. “Mines next door. Kuramochi’s is across.”

“Ah, thanks.” Sawamura picks up the heaviest of his bags.

“Lift with your legs.” Miyuki advises.

Sawamura frees a hand enough to flip him off before heading down to his room.

It’s...nice. Open and clean and just a little smaller than his dorm, already complete with a desk and a bed. Sawamura sets most of the stuff down on his floor and the rest on his bed. He sits beside it and takes a deep breath, adjusting. This is his life now, his new home.

“Oi, Sawamura!” Miyuki’s voice sounds from the kitchen. “Get ready! We’re going to go do batting practice!”

Sawamura grins. “I’m coming, Miyuki-senapi!”

That night, the three of them gather in Sawamura’s new room. Miyuki and Kuramochi seem content to sit on Sawamura’s bed and watch him unpack instead of offering any help.

“What’s this?” Kuramochi holds up a thick stack of glossy photos. “Pictures from your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Sawamura scowls and ineffectively reaches for the pictures that Kuramochi is holding. “And give those back!”

“Oh ho!” Kuramochi, of course, manages to come across one of the few pictures that Sawamura has of Wakana. “She’s too good for you, of course. You should just give up and let me date her!”

“I don’t care! You can date her if she wants!”

“You two done?” Miyuki yawns. Sawamura looks up to see him flipping through an old notebook.

“Hey!” He snatches it back. “Gimme that!” He flips it open, determining how embarrassed he should be. But, oh, it’s just old school notes. Nothing all that bad.

“You suck at math, by the way.” Miyuki comments, folding his arms behind his head.

“And you suck at not touching my stuff!” Sawamura throws the notebook over towards his desk. “You both suck at it!”

Miyuki rolls his eyes. Kuramochi says, “Whatever, dude.” and continues to go through an entire lifetime of pictures. “Hey, Miyuki, look! It’s us!” He holds up a candid photo of some of the upperclassmen.

“Hahaha, I remember this.” Miyuki takes it and smiles, softer and less dickish than usual. It’s warm and unfamiliar and, like seeing him in the kitchen earlier, it makes Sawamura feel strange. “Tanba-san was still bald, haha. That was great.”

Sawamura decides to give the pictures up as a loss and turns back to his bags. Clothes...baseball stuff...more old notebooks.

“Oh, look at this one…” Miyuki takes some of the pictures and starts rifling through them. “Ahahaha, Zono makes the stupidest faces.”

“We should hang these up or something.” Kuramochi is waving around another picture he found of the team. “Yo, Sawamura can we have these?”

“They’re mine, Kuramochi-senpai!” Sawamura protests. “You live in our apartment now, Sawamoron.” Kuramochi holds back his swipes for the pictures with one hand. “So they’re, like, ours now.”

“Stupid senpai!” Sawamura continues to reach for the pictures. Kuramochi lets out a grating laugh and holds them out of reach. “I should have never come to live here!”

“Ahaha, you did though.” Miyuki is still examining the pictures he pilfered. “And so now you play by our rules.”

“What?” Sawamura stops what he’s doing and blinks at Miyuki. “Rules? There are rules?”

“Yep.” Miyuki slides into what Sawamura has long-since mentally dubbed ‘captain mode.’ “I cook, you and Kuramochi clean. No being loud before ten on off days, no going in my or Mochi’s rooms when we’re not there and no letting strangers sleep in the tub.”

“The...tub?” Sawamura blinks. “Who would want to sleep in the tub?”

“We’ve had repeat offenders.” Miyuki shoots Kuramochi a dark look. Kuramochi just shrugs, unrepentant, and continues to rifle through Sawamura’s family pictures. “The girl next door kept getting drunk, losing her keys and asking to sleep in our bathtub.”

Sawamura just stares at him. “And you...you said yes?”

“Hey, if a hot person asks me to sleep in our bathtub, I’m not gonna say no.”

“But it’s against the rules now.” Miyuki flops back onto Sawamura’s bed. “And if he lets it happen again, he’ll be sleeping in the tub. Because I will throw his bed and the rest of his shit out of the window.”

“Harsh, captain.” Kuramochi says. Miyuki ignores him in favor of examining more of Sawamura’s childhood memories.

“And why do you get to cook?” Sawamura folds his arms and glances at Miyuki splayed out on his bed. He’s relaxed, a faint smile on his face. Sawamura looks away.

“Trust me.” Kuramochi grins. “You won’t regret it.”

Sawamura just shrugs and starts folding the t-shirts that are spilling out of his suitcase, figuring that it won’t hurt to let Miyuki cook. His dad always cooked before leaving for Seido and after he was at school there was always food without having to cook it.

They linger in the room for a while longer, Sawamura unpacking and the other two going through his stuff. He’s decided that it’s easier to just let them. He doesn’t have anything really embarrassing for them to find.

“I’m going to go start dinner.” Miyuki says after a while, leaving the pictures he was looking at in a stack on Sawamura’s bed.

“Kay.” Kuramochi hums absently. Sawamura just nods, shoving more clothes into his drawers. He’s given up on folding them and is now just trying to get them out of sight. He never claimed to be responsible.

Sawamura continues sorting his stuff with increasingly laziness and eventually Kuramochi gets bored of his pictures and switches to playing some game on his phone. After about half an hour Miyuki calls from the kitchen “Okay, dinner!”And they both scramble up and abandon what they’re doing.

Sawamura rounds the corner to where the table is and he freezes. There is a seriously tasty looking spread of food out on the table. What the hell, Miyuki Kazuya can cook. Not just the lame I-can-make-rice-if-I-really-need-to sort of cooking that Sawamura can do. Really good cooking with sauces and spices and everything.

“Since when have you been able to do this?” Sawamura glares down at the food spread out on the table, doubting that it exists in spite of its mouth-watering smell.

Miyuki just shrugs. “I don’t know, a while.”

“But...but…” Sawamura just gapes. “Why didn’t you do this at Seido?”

Miyuki stares at him, expression completely bemused. “Why would I have done that? They made us food there.”

Sawamura wants to argue more about Miyuki’s heretofore unknown cooking talents, but Kuramochi scrambles into the kitchen and interrupts him. “Aw yeah!” He grins over at Miyuki. “Somebody went all out tonight!”

He reaches for some onigiri and Miyuki raps him on the back of the hand with a wooden spoon, looking for all the world like a nagging housewife. “Go wash your hands!” He scolds. “You too Sawamura.”

They go to wash their hands. Sawamura is rapidly coming to the conclusion that there are few things in the world scarier than Miyuki Kazuya in an apron.

That night after they’ve finished eating and he and Kuramochi have cleaned all of dishes, they gather in the living room and watch some mindless television. It’s bright and distracting and Sawamura relaxes into the couch, his thigh warm against Miyuki’s.

That's a whole different kind of distracting, if he’s being honest.

“You’re gonna die at practice tomorrow, Sawamura.” Kuramochi elbows him in the side. He’s splayed out on Sawamura’s other side, limbs going everywhere. After two years living together, Kuramochi’s limbs in his face are a nonevent.

“I’m not the same kid I was back at Seido!” Sawamura says, pushing Kuramochi off and scooching a little closer to Miyuki. “I’m gonna impress you tomorrow, you’ll see!”

The next day, the end of their first practice at Waseda finds Sawamura splayed out on the ground, covered in dirt, sweat and maybe a few tears. He has his eyes closed and is thinking longingly of a long, hot bath and about a hundred years of sleep.

“Yo.” He blinks up to see Miyuki grinning down at him. “You still alive?”

“Ugh.” Sawamura groans. He hasn’t felt this sore since spring training all the way back in first year. “I can’t go on…”

Kuramochi, whose passing by with some other fielders, lets out a grating laugh. “I’m very impressed, Sawamoron!”

“I’m dying.” Sawamura is too tired even to flip him off.

“Well, that’s not a way for the future ace to talk, is it?” Miyuki scoffs. “You’re not giving up on me, eh Sawamura?”

“Shut up!” He scrambles into a sitting position, muscles aching in protest. “I’ll become the ace! You’ll see!”

“Looking more lively there.” Miyuki bends down to poke is nose with a long finger. Sawamura tries to swat it away, but Miyuki moves faster. He dances back, laughing like he always seems to be doing.

“Why are you laughing, bastard?” Sawamura growls, trying to get to his feet despite shaking legs that don’t seem to want to support his weight.

Miyuki just grins. “Because you’re funny, Sawamura.”

“Shut up.” Sawamura grumbles again, reaching out to grab Miyuki’s shoulder and steady himself. “Ugh, my legs feel like pudding.”

“Mmmm.” Miyuki hums, and they begin walking off the field. Miyuki, in an uncharacteristically helpful move, walks slowly so that Sawamura can continue to use him as a makeshift crutch. “Pudding sounds tasty. I think I’ll make some tonight.”

“Too tired for food.” Sawamura mumbles. “These coaches are brutal.”

Miyuki laughs again, the sound loud and clear so close to Sawamura’s face. “You didn’t come to Waseda and expect easy practices, did you?”

“No.” Sawamura slumps a little more heavily on Miyuki’s shoulder. “I just thought I was in better shape than this.”

“You’ll get there.” Miyuki says and Sawamura lets his eyes flutter closed, lets Miyuki guide him the rest of the way.

A few weeks pass and things get easier. The coaches don’t really know his name yet and he is so far from first string that it hurts, but he’s looking forward to the struggle he’ll have to go through to get there. It should be challenging, just like it was at Seido, but it’ll probably be as fun as it was at Seido too.

Classes start and Sawamura wishes that they hadn’t. Studying is hard without Kanemaru to guide him, but a lot of his old notebooks gave study tips scrawled on the margins. He'd rather be practicing new breaking balls than pouring over books, but his parents were insistent that he get a degree before going pro so that he'll have something to fall back on in case things don't go as planned.

Between classes and baseball, things settle into a routine. Miyuki cooks, he and Kuramochi clean and they hang out and watch shitty movies when they have some rare time off. Kuramochi keep talking about making new friends and Sawamura wants to get to know some of the guys on their team, but it’s easier just to hang out with each other than to find new people.

Between his new classes and his new practices, Sawamura hasn’t bothered to check the mails on his phone in a long time.

Possibly days, more likely weeks.

There are a few from his mother, checking in, one from Haruichi doing the same and then the typical one from Wakana. He expects updates on the town and on the members of his old team. What he gets is far different.

Hi Eijun!

I hope things are going well at Waseda. I have some big news of my own. I was going to wait and tell you when I saw you next, but you never answer your phone. So I guess I’ll tell you now. I’m going to university in Tokyo, Ejiun-kun! Hopefully we can see each other soon!

-Wakana

Huh. Well that’s...huh.

He opens up a new message, trying to figure out a way to reply and finds himself really, really lost. He hasn’t seen Wakana for longer than a couple of hours since middle school. The idea of her being around all of the time again is...weird.

He’s still staring at the blank message, trying to come up with a way to respond, when Kuramochi slams his door open. “Oi, Sawamoron! We’re gonna be late for practice if you don’t hurry your ass up!”

“Right!” Sawamura hastily shuts off his phone and jams it into his pocket. “Let’s go!”

Practice is long and harsh and Sawamura is infinitely grateful. All he can think about if the stretch if his muscles and the feeling of a ball, a bat or a set of weights in his hands. There’s no extra room for him to reflect on his stupid nerves about living in the same city as Wakana again.

“Looking good, Sawamura!” One of the assistant coaches shouts during sprints and Sawamura is beside himself with delight that one) he looks good and two) one of the coaches remembered his name right this time.

By the time they finally head get out of the baths and change back into their street clothes, Sawamura’s mind is clear and calm. He feels good, better than he has since before getting Wakana’s mail.

Of course, something has to ruin it.

“Yo.” Miyuki leans up against the bank of lockers beside him. Miyuki Kazuya is not exactly known for making him calm in situations that don’t involve a baseball. Sawamura slams the locker shut and grabs his bag. “Wanna grab something to eat on the way home?” Miyuki proposes, in a surprisingly reasonable and non-mocking tone. “I don’t feel like cooking.”

“Sure! I’m starving.” Sawamura stretches, hiding a wince. He’s still feeling the burn brought on by a few months of lighter practice. Hopefully, he can get back into top pitching shape soon. “I’ll go tell Tetsu and Kuramochi.”

“Ah…” Miyuki glances a few lockers down to where Kuramochi is chatting with another second-year. “I think he said he had plans. And Tetsu’s always busy with his girlfriend these days.”

“Oh, okay.” Sawamura shrugs and follows when Miyuki leads the way out of the locker room and into the night.

“So is university baseball everything you imagined it would be?”Miyuki asks, his hands jammed into the pocket of his hoodie.

Sawamura shrugs. “Practice is practice. I just can’t wait until we get to the actual games!” They fall into step alongside each other.

“You know, if you wanna start at all this year you’re gonna have to get better at batting.” Miyuki smirks at him because Miyuki is a bastard.

“Shut up!” Sawamura grouses. “I’m better now than I was last year!”

“Uh hu.” Miyuki grins at him. “I watched you guys at Koushin, remember? You either bunted or you struck out.”

“Yeah, but I pitched six innings of strike-outs one game!” Sawamura is very proud of his six innings of strike-outs. His six innings of strike-outs at nationals is his favorite story to tell people.

“Psh, that team sucked.” Miyuki waves a hand. “They shouldn’t have even been at Koushin.” They bicker over the value of Sawamura’s six innings of strike-outs until they reach one of the many run-down ramen stands that dot the streets near their campus.

“Mmmmmm.” Sawamura breathes in deep. “Let’s eat here!”

Miyuki gives it a doubtful look. “You want this?” He says. “Like, for eating?”

“I’m so hungry I might die.” Sawamura can feel his mouth watering. He looks at Miyuki very seriously. “I am ready to put anything in my mouth.” Miyuki lets out a frantic sort of choking noise that eventually turns into a strained laugh.

“Anything, Sawamura?”

“I…” Sawmura blinks, realizing that maybe he could have phrased his last sentence a bit better. “Don’t be a pervert, Miyuki.”

Miyuki is still snickering as they order and settle down with their food. Ramen is Sawamura’s food of choice after practices. You can get a lot of it and you can get it cheap. Other things, like taste, are less important.

“You’re hopeless.” Miyuki snorts as Sawamura starts in on his second bowl, but the expression on his face is more amused than exasperated.

“Hey, ramen is good!” Sawamura defends, pulling bowl closer to him. “And I worked hard to practice today!”

“Uh hu.” Miyuki is eating slower, but he’ll be reaching the end of his first bowl soon. Sawamura has noticed that about him before, that he’s a lot less picky than he pretends to be. “Are the coaches still calling you Sakamaru?”

Sawamura swallows another mouthful. “My name isn’t that hard to remember.” He says. “I keep correcting them too!”

“Ah, well.” Miyuki says. “I’m pretty sure that they just do it to fuck with the rookies. They called me Kakuda for the first month.”

Sawamura laughs. “That doesn’t even make sense!” Miyuki grins back at him. He looks good like this, the bright lights from the ramen stand casting his face into strange colors and making his eyes shine. He grins at Sawamura. It’s not the mocking, asshole grin that usually graces his features. It’s the one that means he’s genuinely happy. For some reason, that expression on Miyuki’s face makes him choke on his next bite of ramen. Miyuki has to pound him on the back a couple of times before he can breathe again and damn, can he hit hard.

“Agh, ah!” He coughs. “You can stop, jeeze!” He waves a hand towards Miyuki. “You’re going to break the ace!”

“Oh ho?” Miyuki’s grin slides into mocking asshole mode again. “The ace is here?” He shades his eyes, pretends to look around. “I can’t see him.”

“I was talking about me, you asshole!”

“Somehow, I didn’t see you! Oh I forgot! You’re a ninja, aren’t you?” Miyuki snickers.

For a minute, Sawamura is confused and then he remembers their first year together and his horrible first practice.

“Shut up!” He says. “You should have never tricked me, you shitty senpai.”

“For what it’s worth, I thought you were very ninja-like.” He smirks. “Very sneaky.”

“You’re the worst!”

“So stealthy.”

Sawamura tries to push him off of his stool. 

They walk back to apartment after they finish eating talking about practice and what to expect the next day. There’s a light, fluttery feeling in Sawamura’s chest that lodged there when they were laughing together that still hasn’t gone away.

“SA-WAAAA-MUUUUR-AAAAAAA!”

Eijun wakes up to screaming and a chokehold. Sadly, it’s not a new experience. “You and Miyuki abandoned me last night! I was at Testu’s mercy!” Sawamura tries to use his elbows as weapons. It doesn’t work. “I had to play five games of shougi! Five!”

“Let go of me!” He knew Kuramochi was lying about stopping this. He fucking knew.

“Never!” Kuramochi grips tighter and Sawamura continues to struggle uselessly. “You two went out to eat without me, you bastards!”

“Not...my fault!” Sawamura scrabbles at Kuramochi’s hands with his own. “Blame...that bastard...Miyuki!”

“Miyuki?” Kuramochi finally releases him and Sawamura tumbles onto the floor. He props himself up, gasping for breath. “How is it his fault?”

“He said you already had plans!” Sawamura coughs, still on his hands and knees. Kuramochi’s attacks may have become less frequent over the years, but they’re no less violent. Sawamura really hopes that if his neck bruises, it’ll look like a hickey and not a stranglehold.

“He said that?” Kuramochi frowns at him.

“Yes, he said that!” Sawamura leans back to sit on his heels. “God.” He massages his throat with a hand. “I think you broke something.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby.” Kuramochi rolls his eyes. He charges out of the room a moment later shouting MIYUUUUKIIII like a battle cry.

Sawamura huffs and flops back onto his bed, wondering if he and Miyuki will have matching bruises later today.

Sawamura leaves while Miyuki and Kuramochi are still engaged in a loud squabbling match. He tromps to practice with ill grace, his neck still smarting. One of these days, Kuramochi is actually going to break him and then the whole team will rise up and kill him. The thought makes Sawamura smile.

He starts stretching on his own, hoping that Kuramochi will be late and will get in trouble for it. It would serve him right.

“You’re a pitcher, right?” Sawamura is yanked out of his pleasant thought about Kuramochi getting a hundred years suspension by a teammate who he doesn’t know.

“Yep!” He grins. “I’m the future ace of this team, you know!”

The boy laughs, the skin by his eyes creasing. “That’s some confidence.” He sits down beside Sawamura. “I was wondering if you needed some help stretching.”

“Oh, yeah.” Sawamura blinks, surprised. He usually does his stretches with Kuramochi and Miyuki. But he’s not going to say no to someone offering to help, especially since his two friends are off somewhere being late and probably wrestling. “Thanks, that’d be awesome.” They stretch together, chatting idly, and Sawamura learns that the other boy plays catcher.

They’re discussing classes when Sawamura hears an annoyingly familiar laugh. Miyuki throws an arm over his shoulder and grins at the catcher. “Everybody having fun here?”

Sawamura knows that grin. It’s the grin that Miyuki wears right before he says something completely awful. “Well, we were.” He glowers at Miyuki sidelong. “But then you showed up.”

Miyuki lets out a braying laugh right in Sawamura’s face. “Well, I need to keep an eye on my pitcher, don’t I?”

“You two know each other?” The other catcher, whose name Sawamura still doesn’t remember, is looking between them curiously.

“Played together in high school.” Sawamura grunts. He ducks out of Miyuki’s grip to re-tie one of his cleats.

“Oh, I knew I recognized you!” The catcher grins. “Miyuki Kazuya! You were at Seido, weren’t you?”

“You know me?” Miyuki’s voice is surprised.

“Yeah! You guys played my team two years ago!” Sawamura glances up to see the catcher looking down at him. “You’re, eh...Sawamura, right?”

“Ahahaha, of course you know me.” Sawamura finishes with his shoe and straightens up.

“You look familiar…” Miyuki frowns, thinking, and then brightens. “You were from Teito, right?” The catcher nods and Miyuki snickers. “Wow, that was a while ago. I remember, when we beat you…”

Sawamura pokes him in the neck, hard, and he goes down. Apparently, he too was a recipient of a chokehold this morning.

The catcher from Teito looks between them with a bewildered expression. “Thanks for the help with stretches.” Sawamura says and waves as the catcher goes off to talk to some other players.

“So?” Miyuki gets back to his feet and slings an arm around his shoulder. “You made a new friend?”

“I was trying, but you scared him off.” Sawamura rolls his eyes. “How did you manage to escape from Kuramochi, anyway?”

Miyuki grins. “Ahaha, it’s a secret.” He taps Sawamura’s cheek with a finger. Sawamura is going to hit him upside the head and demand to know, but the coach is calling for them all to fall into line.

Miyuki releases him with a wink and Sawamura realizes belatedly that his touch doesn’t register as annoying anymore.

He can still feel the warm weight of Miyuki’s arm over his shoulders as he lets the coach’s words wash over him.

Sawamura is struggling through an English assigment when he gets Wakana's call.

"Hello?" He's usually pretty bad about answering his phone, but at this point anything is preferable to schoolwork.

"Eijun!" Wakana's voice bubbles from the phone. "Hi!"

"Oh, hey Wakana." Sawamura says. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you got my latest message." 

“Yeah, I got it. Are you in Tokyo yet?"

"I move in next week, actually." She says. "Could we see each other then, d'you think?" 

"I'm pretty busy with baseball these days." He says, twirling a pen in his fingers. "So it might be a while before I can get a free day." He pauses, swallows. "Sorry." 

"No, I get it." She says evenly.  "But, uh, well.” Wakana’s voice wavers a little bit. “When I do see you, would you want to do something? Just...just you and me. Something sort of...romantic.”

“Like...like a date?” Sawamura valiantly tries not to choke on his tongue.

“Yes!” Wakana says brightly. “A date! What do you say?”

“So you like me?” Sawamura really wants to clarify this point. “Like, as more than just a friend?”

She sighs, loud and long. “Yes, Eijun. I like you as more than a friend.”

“Um.” Sawamura’s mind goes blank. “A...hahahahahahaha!”

“Er…” Wakana says. “Is that a yes to the date?”

“I…” Is it? He’s been so insistent that Wakana’s not his girlfriend that he’s never wondered if he wants her to be. Does he? He likes her, he thinks she’s cool, but is that enough? What are you suppose to feel before going on a date with someone?

“Could we please do it, Eijun?” Her voice is wavering again. “I know it might be weird because we’ve been friends for so long, but I really like you!”

“I’m not sure, Wakana.” He says, trying his best to be honest. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Let’s just try.” Wakana says. “I think that we’d be really good together.”

“Okay, yes!” He blurts out the word impulsively. “Sure!”

“Oh good.” Wakana says. “I was so worried calling you, did you know that?”

“Uh, sorry.” His mind is blank again. Did he say yes? Did he really just say yes to a date with Wakana?

“Don’t worry.” She hums. “We can work out the time later, okay? I know you have a lot of stuff to get back too!” She laughs and he joins in automatically. “Bye, Eijun!”

“Yeah.” He swallows. “Bye, Wakana.”

He hangs up and sits there for a long minute, listening to the dial tone, before sprinting to the living room.

Miyuki and his notes are splayed all over the living room floor. Miyuki is the sort of person who never sits if he can sprawl. He seems to take joy in taking up space he’s not supposed to.

“Wakana likes me.” Sawamura says to the room at large. He still feels like he’s been hit upside the head with a fastball. Or a metal bat.

“Uh, yeah?” Miyuki doesn’t look up from the textbook that he’s flipping through. “Any reason you decided to randomly announce it?”

“No you don’t understand”! Sawamura wants to grab Miyuki and shake him. He doesn’t get it!” “She doesn’t friend like me! She like likes me!”

Miyuki finally looks up from his textbook, gives Sawamura a long, flat look and then looks back down without saying anything else.

“This is a big deal!”

“Do you really have to rub it in my face?” Kuramochi laments. He’s on the couch, playing some game on his handheld instead of studying like he’s probably supposed to. “Our love will never be!”

Sawamura continues to stare down at his hands, mind buzzing. They’re acting like this isn’t a big deal, but to Sawamura it really, really is.

Kuramochi says tiredly. “Did you really not know how she felt, Sawamoron?”

“Of course I didn’t!” He throws up his hands. How is this hard for them to grasp? “Why would I think something like that?”

“Uh, she went to all of your games last year? Like, even the scrimmages.” Kuramochi thumbs a button on his handheld. “And, I hate to break it to you, but watching you pitch isn’t that interesting.”

Miyuki makes a noise of protest. Sawamura seconds it.

“Okay, fine, it’s not interesting to us normal people.” Kuramochi gestures to himself with a hand and, judging from the noises coming from his game, dies because of it. “Shit.” He mumbles, pressing a button to start the level over.

“Ughhhhh.” Sawamura covers his eyes with his hands. “This is so dumb.”

“So tell her to back off.” Miyuki says absently. “No one is forcing you to date her.”

“But, I…” Sawamura trails off. He already told her yes, as a result of both panic and surprise. But...does he want to date her? He probably should have considered that before now. Probably before saying yes too.

“Might be best.” Kuramochi says. “Everyone I know who’s been in one says that long distance relationships suck.”

“She goes to a university across the city now.” Sawamura plops on the couch, surveying the battlefield of Miyuki’s notes on the floor in front of him. “And she just called and says that she likes me and she wants to go on a date.”

“What did you say?” Kuramochi is still holding his game, but isn’t paying attention to it anymore.

“I told her okay.” Sawamura mumbles. “I panicked and didn’t think about it.”

“Oh ho ho!” Kuramochi smirks at him. “So Sawamoron is finally going on his very first date?”

“S-shut up!” Sawamura grouses. “It’s not that big of a deal!”

Miyuki closes his textbook with a loud thump. “This conversation is stupid.” He announces. “I’m going to take a nap.”

“Wait!” Sawamura dives from the couch and onto the floor to grab his wrist before he can gather up his notes. “I need help!” Much as it pains him to say, Miyuki has more experience than he does in things like this. “You have to tell me what to do!”

“Sawamura.” Miyuki looks at him, face very serious.

“M-miyuki?” Sawamura can see his eyes very clearly behind his glasses. They’re the same brown as a new pitching mound and, yeah, that wouldn’t sound like a compliment from many people. But from Sawamura it really, really is.

“I,” He gestures to himself with the hand that Sawamura isn’t holding. “Do not care about your storybook romance with your childhood friend.”He pulls his hand away from Sawamura, hard, and, not expecting it, Sawamura can’t hold on. There’s something dancing in Miyuki’s eyes, something in the way the skin around his mouth is tight. Sawamura can’t tell what it is, exactly, but it’s not good and it reminds him of the time Miyuki was injured and trying to hide it. He gets to his feet, leaving Sawamura and his notes spread all over the floor, and turns away. “Now don’t bother me.” He says. “I have very important sleeping to do.”

“Uh, weren’t you going to make dinner?” Kuramochi looks away from his game.

Miyuki waves a hand and doesn’t look back as he heads to his room. “Oh, I’m sure the two of you can handle it.”

The two of them end up forgetting to add water to rice and nearly burning down the kitchen. Miyuki was, apparently, far too optimistic in his evaluation of their cooking abilities.

The next day at practice, Miyuki seems to be over whatever was bothering him the night before. He’s acting the same as he usually does, which means he’s getting into another rather heated discussion with some player he doesn’t know that well.

Sawamura had forgotten what a non-captian Miyuki looks like. Sure, he’s serious and dedicated as any of them, but he’s also kind of a major asshole to most of the people on the team. Not for the first time, he and Kuramochi have to work together to drag Miyuki away before he manages to drive the rest of the team to violence with his constructive criticism.

“This is why you have no friends!” Sawamura hisses to him as they settle down to stretch.

“Ahaha, thank you!”

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

“I was right though.” Miyuki reaches to grasp his toes. “He’s not fast enough to be a shortstop. He can catch all right, but he’d be better off playing in the outfield.”

“You aren’t a coach, moron!” Kuramochi hits him upside the head. “Stop making people hate you!”

“I’m just helping them get better.” Miyuki bend forward a bit further. He’s nowhere near as flexible as Sawamura, so he winces as he reaches a little past his toes. “If I don’t tell him, then how will he improve?”

“You are such trash.” Sawamura says, almost impressed at Miyuki’s sheer shamelessness. “Like, I’m pretty sure that someone dressed a trashcan in a baseball uniform and we’ve just not noticed up until now.”

Miyuki laughs obnoxiously until one of the coaches shouts at them to shut up and get back to stretching.

Scheduling his date with Wakana is tricky.

Sawamura is always busy, either with baseball or with classes, so it takes a couple of weeks before they have a free afternoon to spend together. Kuramochi snickers and wishes him luck on his way out. Miyuki's just reclines on the couch, uncharacteristically quiet, and flips through his magazine. Apparently, he's serious about this whole not helping thing.

He leaves, hands jammed into his pockets. He and Wakana had decided to meet at a cafe a couple of blocks from Sawamura’s apartment. He doesn’t really have a plan for their date. He figures he probably should have one, but between baseball and classes he’s been too worn out to actually think about this whole dare business. He thinks about it on the way there, but he’s never been on a date before. What are you supposed to do? Just hang around the person you like? Are there certain things you have to do or say? This is all very stressful and confusing.

Miyuki had staunchly refused to give him advice and Kuramochi had linked him to a series of increasingly raunchy websites that, frankly, made Sawamura’s nerves worse and not better.

“Eijun-kun!” He almost walks past the cafe before he hears a familiar shout. He looks over and sees Wakana, who greets him with a wave and a smile. She’s dressed in red today.

“Hey, Wakana!” Sawamura raises a hand and goes to greet her. She goes for a hug and he goes for a high-five. They compromise on a weird sort of handshake. “You haven’t, er, been waiting for that long, have you?” He doesn’t know much about dates, but he’s pretty sure leaving her waiting on him long would be poor etiquette.

“No, I just got here.” She smiles at him and he notices makeup that she doesn’t usually wear ringing her eyes. It makes her look like a stranger. “So you live close by?”

“Just a few blocks!” He rubs the back of his neck. “We can go back by there later if you want.”

“That would be nice.” She smiles again. “Do you want to get a table? Order something?”

“Er...okay.” He follows her into the cafe and over to a table. She orders tea and he follows suit. Miyuki is slowly but surely trying to convert him and Kuramochi to coffee, but Sawamura still can’t stand the stuff. It’s just too bitter.

Sawamura quickly finds that this whole date business is a lot easier if he stops thinking about it like a date and starts thinking about it like a day spent hanging out with a friend. He and his teammates had days like this all of the time back in high school and, more recently, he’s had days like this with Miyuki and Kuramochi. He breathes in and out.

Relax...relax. It’s just Wakana, the girl he’s known since they were both five. He can do this. He’s been to Koushin. He’s pitched against some of the best hitters in the world. He can do this.

“So…” He swallows. “What exactly are you in college for?” She’s probably told him before, but he honestly can’t remember.

She flicks him on the ear. “I already told you Eijun!” He was right. “I want to teach.”

“Oh, that’s so cool!” He grins at her. “You should coach, too!”

She laughs. “Everything is baseball with you, isn’t it?” He just kinda shrugs. He can’t really fault her there. “Tell me about practice. Are they letting you pitch?”

It feels good to talk to Wakana about his new team. They’ve been friends forever, she likes baseball and he’s always thought she was pretty. Maybe that’s all you need to date somebody. Maybe he was freaking out for no good reason.

They wander the city for a while, stopping at a park for a few minutes and watching an little league baseball game from a bench. It makes Sawamura’s fingers itch with the need to pitch.

"I'm hungry." Wakana says after a while. "Do you wanna go get something to eat?"

“Sure. I know a good place close by.” Sawamura offers. He and Miyuki have made it kind of a routine to stop at the same shitty ramen stand a few times a week. And yeah, it’s a shitty ramen stand, but its their shitty ramen stand. He's gotten kind of attached to it.

“I guess I’ll trust you. You have been in this town a while longer than me, city boy.” She grins at him.

He groans. “Don’t let my grandpa hear you saying things like that. He would never let me live it down.”

Wakana laughs and follows as he leads the way there and, though she looks doubtful, sits beside him with minimal complaining. The usual girl is working today. She smiles when she sees Sawamura. “Hey there, baseball boy.” She says. “No glasses today?”

“Glasses?” Wakana says curiously.

“She's talking about Miyuki.” Sawamura’s face suddenly feels hot and he has no clue why. “You remember him he was my teammate, back at Seido, I mean. And now too, I guess. He’s one of my roommates. He plays catcher and bats…” He trails off because why the fuck is he talking about Miyuki so much? “And I guess we come here a lot.”

“Okay…” Wakana is still looking at him. He stares very determinedly at the chipped counter in front of him. He hasn’t really thought about how much time he’s been spending with Miyuki lately. But apparently, they come to this ramen stand enough together that the serving girl recognizes Sawamura and notices Miyuki’s absence. It’s a weird feeling. Sawamura can’t decide if it’s good or bad so he does his best to ignore it.

“So!” He grins at Wakana and, from the expression on her face, it looks as manic as it feels. “Do you know what you want?”

They eat mostly in silence. Sawamura stares down at his ramen and wonder if it’s weird that he spends almost all of his time with Miyuki. They definitely didn’t spend this much time together back in high school. But he likes it. He likes having Miyuki at his side, even though Miyuki’s personality is terrible.

“Say hi to glasses for me!” The girl at the counter tells them as they leave and Sawamura assures her that he’ll do just that.

“I think she likes your friend.” Wakana hums thoughtfully. “You should tell him. She was pretty.”

“A lot of girls like Miyuki, I think.” Sawamura mumbles. Whenever Miyuki came up to bat, the shouts from the crowd always got higher in pitch. “It’s not really that weird.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh, he’s just so pretty, you know.” Sawamura says the words automatically, without putting a lot of thought into it. It’s not until he sees Wakana’s bewildered expression that he realizes that, yeah, what he just said was fucking weird. “Wait, wait, wait!” He waves his hands. “That isn’t what I meant!”

Wakana laughs in the face of his panic. Laughs. Sawamura is starting to suspect he’s a bit of a masochist, what with the people he hangs around. “It’s okay, Eijun-kun.” She smiles up at him. “I think you’re much prettier.”

He feels his face go hot and knows he must be bright red. “I...W-wakana!” He splutters. “W-what do you...that is to say...how...why…”

She laughs again. “This is the part where you tell me I’m prettier than all of you, Eijun.”

“I think that’s kind of obvious, Wakana.” He says absently.

“You are so bad at compliments.” She flicks his ear.

He continues to struggle the proper usage of compliments as they walk back towards his apartment. “Can I come up?” She asks, eyes bright and curious. “I want to see your place.”

He can’t really come up with a reason to say no, so he leads the way up the three flights of stairs. He lets her into the apartment, calling out to see if either of his roommates are home. When no one answers, he shows her into the living room. “This is it.” He flicks the lights on. “No much, but it’s better than the dorms.”

“It’s surprisingly clean.” She settles down on the couch. “I’m impressed.” She glances down the hallway. “Where are your roommates?”

“Kuramochi and Miyuki have classes right now.” Sawamura rubs the back of his neck with a hand. “So it’s just us.” He goes to sit on the couch beside her.

“So.”

“Yep.”

He’s never felt at a loss for words around her before today. He doesn’t like it, but it keeps happening.

“Can we, um…” She plays with her hair, fixing it even though it isn’t really messy. “Eijun-kun…”

“What?” He blinks at over at her. “Do you need drink or something?”

She sighs. “Just come here.” She reaches over and touches his face with delicate fingers, pulling it down so it's level with hers. “Guess it’s up to me.”

She presses her lips against his, soft and careful, and for a moment his whole mind goes blank. Then it roars up again, moving way too fast.

They're kissing.

God, oh god, he hasn’t done this before. Is he doing it right? Wow, she’s super close and her eyes should be closed. Should his eyes closed? Probably. He closes them, but...ow, a piece of her hair is in his eye now. Okay, he can just blink to get rid of it. And...yes, it works! Good. Back to business.

Should he, like, touch her? His hands are currently just hanging by his sides and he doesn’t think that’s proper kissing form. She’s got her hands on his face still. He reaches up tentatively and puts his on her shoulders. There. That should be good enough.

It’s not...bad. She’s soft and warm and she smells like flowers. Her lips are sweet and kinda sticky, thanks to the lipgloss she’s wearing. He wonders absently if it’ll stay on his lips when they part. He hopes it doesn’t. That would be embarrassing and gross.

This kissing business isn’t too bad. He doesn’t really want to escalate it, thought. Also, he doesn’t know how exactly he would go about doing that even if he wanted to. So they keep kissing, soft and chaste and careful, until...

BANG!

His thoughts break off and he pulls back, trying to figure out what exactly happened. “What was that?” 

Wakana’s cheeks are flushed. “I think one of your roommates came home early.” Her voice is breathy and embarrassed.

Oh god, let it not have been Miyuki is his first, automatic thought.

But that doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t know why he would think that.

If anything, he should be worried about Kuramochi finding out. After all, he was the one who had somehow formed a long-distance crush on Wakana while they were in high school.

Wakana is doing that thing where she messes with her hair again. “E-eijun-kun…”

Sawamura laughs, probably way too loudly. “So today was fun, right?” He scrambles off the couch and to his feet. “I had fun!”

“Me too.” She blinks at him, clearly confused at the way he’s trying to put space between them.

“Eijun…” She reaches out a hand towards him. “Do you want to sit back down?”

“Um, no.” He waves his hands, sure that his voice is still too loud. “I have practice early tomorrow and I need to get some rest!”

“It’s four in the afternoon, Eijun.” She says flatly.

“It’s a very early practice, Wakana!”

“Then, I...I guess that I’ll call you tomorrow, Eijun-kun.” She looks disappointed and confused and he feels bad about that, yeah, but he’s also freaking out and kind desperate to be alone. It’s a weird feeling for him.

“Yeah.” He smiles at her as she gets up and gathers her things. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Did I…” She frowns. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No…” He shakes his head frantically. “I just...I really do have a lot to do. I just...it’s not your fault. I did have fun today, okay?”

She looks a bit happier as she heads outside.

Sawamura locks the door behind her and then sinks down, back pressed against the door.

He can’t help feeling like he’s screwed something up by kissing her.

It was his first kiss.

He never had time in high school for anything besides baseball and, while he doesn’t regret it, he does wish he had some more experience with relationships and kisses and...stuff. It wasn’t a bad kiss. It was actually kind of nice, towards the end.Granted, he doesn’t exactly have a lot to measure it against.

A thought comes into his head, unbidden and unwanted. Miyuki is patient with his pitchers, but forceful. He lets them fight, sure, but he is unquestionably the one in charge. Sawamura’s breath hitches. How would someone like that kiss…?

He shakes his head, trying to clear it. Wakana is his girlfriend. Miyuki is just his friend, barely his friend, just a talented teammate with a shitty personality. How he kisses has nothing to do with Sawamura at all.

He tilts his head back, closes his eyes, and tries not to think about it anymore.

The next morning, Kuramochi ambushes him in the living room. “So? How was your big date?”

“Uh, good? I think?” In truth, Sawamura hasn’t really thought about it since it happened. He is willing to bet his team’s ace number that Wakana has mailed him at least twice this morning.

“I need details, details!” Kuramochi hangs over Sawamura’s shoulder. “Did you guys do it?”

Thankfully, the Kuramochi Inquisition is interrupted by the front door opening. Sawamura looks over to see an exhausted looking Miyuki trudging in wearing the same clothes as the day before. He sees them standing there, Kuramochi hanging off of Sawamura as Sawamura ineffectively tries to get away, and heads back towards his room without comment.

“And where the hell have you been?” Kuramochi drops his arms and runs over towards Miyuki.

“Stayed at Testu’s last night.” Miyuki yawns. “He was in the same math class as me last semester, so he was helping me with some of the work.”

“Could let me know, bastard!” Kuramochi bops him upside the head. “I had to cook again.”

“Oh ho.” Miyuki continues on towards his room. “Is that what that smell is?”

“No, that’s the takeout.” Sawamura says. “He tried to cook, but then everything burnt and so we gave up.”

“Mmmm.” Miyuki doesn’t look at him. “Well, I’m going to go and nap before practice. Didn’t get much sleep last night thanks to Tetsu.”

“Were him and his girlfriend noisy?”

“Yeah, but not in the way you think.” Miyuki drags a hand through his hair. “She’s a shouji freak too. They played for hours.” Sawamura snickers, hiding behind his hand when Miyuki’s eyes flash behind his glasses. “So, I’m going to go sleep until practice.”

Once the door closes, Sawamura turns to Kuramochi. “Say, did you come home yesterday afternoon and then leave real quick?”

“No...I was out pretty late doing batting practice.” Kuramochi raises an eyebrow at him. “Why?”

“I just thought that I someone here when I was here with Wakana yesterday.” He shrugs. “But I guess I was just hearing things.”

“Huh. Weird.”

Sawamura flops onto the couch and closes his eyes. “Hahaha, yep! Pretty weird.”

It was Miyuki. It had to be.

They make the walk to practice in silence. Kuramochi is busy texting Ryosuke, Miyuki has headphones in his ears and Sawamura is looking down at his shoes, thinking. If it really was Miyuki who came in last night, why did he leave without saying anything and then go sleep at Tetsu’s?

They change and head to the field, but Sawamura still doesn’t have any answers. They separate off into positions once they’re done with warm-ups.

Kuramochi waves and heads off with the other fielders. Sawamura follows Miyuki to where the other pitchers and catchers are grouped up.

“Pair off!” One of the coaches claps his hands. “Get warmed up!”

“Come on.” Miyuki sighs. “I’ll catch for you.”

“Ah...okay.” Sawamura follows him, the tension between them making his shoulders tight. Miyuki has been quiet and sullen all day and, somehow, Sawamura is sure that not all of it is because he’s tired. They haven’t been rooming together long, but Sawamura knows Miyuki. He knows Miyuki, he does, but somehow the expression on his face isn’t one that Sawamura recognizes.

Miyuki crouches down and asks for a fastball to the inside. A simple pitch, the first one that he and Miyuki ever did. But his shoulders are tense after a morning spent with a scowling Miyuki and so the pitch goes way too high.

“Relax!” Miyuki snaps as he hurls the ball back. “You could pitch better than that back in first year.”

“I can’t relax!” Sawamura snaps right back. “You’re glaring at me!”

“I am not.” Miyuki scoffs. “And why are you paying so much attention to my face and not my mitt, Sawamoron?”

“Uh, maybe because I can hardly tell the difference between the two! “ And that is a blatant lie. Miyuki has many, many flaws, but his face is not one of those flaws. If anything, it’s too good-looking. A face that good-looking on a person so terrible is just unfair and...it’s happening again. He’s thinking about Miyuki’s face again. Why the fuck is he so fixated on Miyuki’s stupid face lately?

“Did you just call me ugly?” Miyuki sound affronted. “C’mon Sawamura, you’re not in a position to talk!”

“Hey!” Sawamura takes a step back, rocking on his heels.

“Miyuki, Sawamura!” The coach shouts. “Cut the chatter and start warming up!”

Sawamura is so wound up that he can't even enjoy the fact that one of the coaches got his name right. Miyuki isn’t looking at him anymore. His gaze is fixed a few inches from Sawamura’s right shoulder.

“Pitch, stupid.”

Sawamura pitches, body still too tense from a proper one. It’s slow and far from its intended target. Miyuki catches it anyway. Sawamura can’t decide if that makes him feel better or worse.

After official practice ends, Sawamura goes to run.

It’s always helped him stay calm in bad situations. Back when he had the yips, running was one of the few things that cleared his mind. This situation with Miyuki...it winds its way into his mind without his consent, loud over the thumping of his feet against the dirt.

It’s not like they’ve always gotten along. Honestly, they were at odds more often than not. But all of that, it had never mattered once they got onto the field together. As catcher and pitcher, they had somehow managed to understand each other perfectly.

Miyuki had always been his best partner.

The fact that something is messing with that is freaking him out.

He stays out until long after the day has long faded, until he is barely able to see the ground in front of him. He trudges back to the apartment, tired and resentful, mind exhausted from thinking the same, anxious thoughts all day.

When Sawamura let himself back into the apartment, sweaty and tired, he doesn't expect anyone to be awake. It’s been more than an hour since practice ended, after all, and they have another first thing in the morning. He trips as he takes off his shoes, cursing, and drops his baseball stuff in a pile by the door.

He’s headed towards his bedroom when he notices that there’s light and noise coming from the living room. He peers in to see the cool blue glow of the television and someone sitting there on the couch, eyes fixed on it.

“Miyuki-senpai?” He blinks, expecting the figure to disappear like an exhaustion-induced apparition.

But he blinks and Miyuki stays there stubborning on the center of the couch. He’s dressed in his pajamas, soft worn fabric in Seido colors. His hair is messy and the eyes behind his glasses have dark bruises smudged beneath them.

He looks tired, soft, unguarded.

Sawamura wants to touch him.

He doesn’t look away from the TV. “Hey.”

“Hey!”

“Wanna sit?” Miyuki gestures to the couch.

Sawamura sits.

“You shouldn’t overtrain, you know.” Miyuki says. “The season is starting soon and if you get hurt, you’ll never get to pitch.”

“Right.” Sawamura says, looking down at his feet. “So, uh...” He doesn’t meet Miyuki’s eyes. “Sorry that I called you ugly.”

“You should be.”

“Uh…” The response is so unexpected that he looks up. Miyuki is pouting childishly. “I have it on very good authority that I’m not ugly.”

“Whose authority?”

"That isn’t important.” Miyuki blusters, waving a hand. Sawamura snickers, doing his best to hide it behind his hand. They fall back into silence, the TV humming in the background. Sawamura isn’t sure what exactly the program on is. Maybe a game show? Something about singing? He really can’t say.

"I don't know how to do this." Miyuki breaks the silence “Apologies and shit...I’ve never…” He trails off with an annoyed huff, still not looking at Sawamura.

“I didn’t expect you to apologize, Miyuki-senpai.” Sawamura blinks. He has been almost completely sure that whatever went wrong was his fault. He had expected Miyuki to ignore him until Sawamura had apologized. This isn’t going the way he planned it too.

“I was shitty.” Miyuki shrugs. “Kuramochi gave me so much crap about it on the way home. This apologizing thing...that was his idea, not mine.” Sawamura laughs and Miyuki blinks over at him, too surprised to remember he was stoically not making eye-contact. This whole time, Miyuki had been reminding him of a little kid who was being forced to say sorry by his mom. Apparently, that was kinda sorta the case.

“I’m just glad I didn’t do anything wrong.” Sawamura grins. It feels good to have his catcher looking at him again. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

“It’s fine.” Miyuki smiles tiredly at him. “You’re fine, Sawamoron.” They sit there for a little longer, looking at the TV without watching. “This stuff with me lately…” Miyuki says finally. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing to...it’s my problem.” He drags a hand through his untidy hair. “I’m dealing with it, so don’t worry.”

Sawamura tangles his fingers together. “Are you sure I can’t help you, Miyuki-senpai?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Miyuki swallows. “I’m sure.” He’s silent for a minute and then, “We’ve got practice in the morning. We should both sleep.” 

Sawamura watches as Miyuki gets up and walks away, hands still balled in the pockets of his pajama pants. He sits on the couch for a while longer, feet aching and legs sore. The TV flickers in front of him, casting cold blue light over everything.

The fact that he's no longer fighhting with Miyuki buoys him through classes and practice the next week. Even after a series brutal workouts, Sawamura sinks down into the baths feeling better than he has in a while. He’s sure that he’s smiling too much, but he’s just so relieved that things with Miyuki are okay again. He’s never liked their fights, ever since first year when Miyuki cornered him to shout about how badly he was treating Chris-senpai.

“Don’t smile so much in the baths.” Miyuki is naked except for the towel wrapped around his waist. He reaches out and flicks Sawamura on the ear. “People are gonna think you’re a pervert.”

He's not wearing his glasses and his hair is wet. It makes him look like a stranger. Sawamura's eyes keep catching on his bare eyes and bare chest, distracted by the bits of Miyuki that he doesn't usually get to see. 

"I'm not a pervert, you're a pervert!" Sawamura shouts. His voice echoes in the baths and most of the team stares over at him, very clearly judging. 

Miyuki heads back towards the lockers, unsuccessfully trying to hide his snickers in his fist. Sawamura clambers out of the bath to go after him, wrapping a towel haphazardly around his waist. "Come back here, you shitty senpai!" He shouts and, again, it echoes. 

"You made me look dumb!" Sawamura complains to Miyuki, opening his locker and pulling out his clean clothes. 

"Nah, you did that all by yourself." Miyuki is pulling on a pair of sweatpants. "No help from me required, idiot." 

They dress side-by-side in silence. Sawamura very determinedly does not look as Miyuki gets dressed. 

"So..." Sawamura pulls on his t-shirt. "It's been close to a week since I've seen Wakana."

Miyuki's attempts to towel his hair stop for a moment before picking up again. "Is that right?" 

"Yeah." Sawamura leans up against his locker, water trickling from his hair down his neck. "And I don't know if..." 

"I'm really not the person you want to ask for advice." Miyuki finishes his hair drying with a flourish and shoves the towel back into his locker. 

"But, I..." Sawamura reaches out, maybe to stop him from leaving or maybe just to touch him, he really doesn't know. But Miyuki ducks away, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. "I'll see you tonight." He says, not looking at Sawamura. 

Sawamura watches him go, frustrated and annoyed and confused. He's still just standing there, his wet hair dripping onto his shoulder, when Kuramochi comes in from the baths. 

"What's wrong with you?" Kuramochi says with characteristic bluntness. 

“It's Miyuki."

"Ah."

"Why won’t he help me with Wakana!” Sawamura complains. “I thought we were friends, but he won’t even listen to me.”

Kuramochi rolls his eyes. “You are so dumb sometimes.”

“What?” Sawamura blinks. “What are you talking about?”

“Do you really not see what’s going on?” Kuramochi huffs. When Sawamura shakes his head, Kuramochi runs a hand through his hair. “Fucking incredible.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Sawamura says, folding his arms across his chest. He doesn’t get what’s going on with Miyuki. It doesn’t make any sense and here’s Kuramochi acting like he’s missing something obvious.

Kuramochi looks around the locker room, making sure that they're alone, before rounding on Sawamura. “He’s jealous, you idiot!” He snaps. “Are you really so dumb that you can’t see that, Sawamoron?”

“Jealous?” Sawamura takes a step back. Why? How? Miyuki had never even met Wakana and he’s never been one of the boys who was determined to steal Sawamura’s phone and text her. “But he doesn’t even know Wakana.”

“Fuck it, I tried.” Kuramochi throws up his hands and moves to storm off.

“No, wait!” Sawamura catches his arm. “Just explain what you mean!”

“He’s not jealous that you have her.” He grinds out, each word an obvious effort. “He’s jealous that she has you.”

“Wait…”

“I am so mad that I’m the one who has to tell you this.” Kuramochi groans. “He’s jealous, okay? Just...stop coming to him with this relationship stuff. It isn’t fair.”

Sawamura swallows, his throat suddenly very dry. “I...yeah. Okay.”

Kuramochi nods. “Good. Now, let’s never talk about this again.”

Sawamura nods automatically, but the words are already on replay in his mind. He hardly sleeps that night. He wakes up before his alarm, staring at the ceiling and feeling faintly sick.

Miyuki, jealous of him? It’s crazy. Impossible. Insane. Because if Miyuki was jealous, then that would mean that Miyuki had feelings…

He gets out of bed. He’s going to go run again. It always helps when he feels weird or confused or worried. And, right now, he feels all of those things.

He’s in the kitchen, getting ready to grab a water bottle drink and head out when he hears a knock at the door.  “Wakana.” He says, blank with surprise.” What’re you doing here?”

“I hoped I could catch you before practice.” She smiles at him, but the expression is pinched and upset. “You haven’t been answering your phone.”

“I...right.” Sawamura says. He hadn’t been meaning to screen Wakana’s calls. To be honest, he ignored most people’s class. “Sorry.”

She nods. “Can we talk for a few minutes, Eijun?”

“Okay.” He steps aside to let her in, sitting her down at the table. “D’you want tea or something?” He offers. She shakes her head. “Okay, then...what did you need?” He sits down across from her.

“Eijun, it’s been almost a week since our date and you haven’t even tried to get a hold of me.” She sighs. “I know you’re busy, I do, but you need to make an effort of this is going to work.”

“Oh.” Sawamura blinks at her. Between school and practice and all of the stuff with Miyuki, he kind of forgot that he had meant to text Wakana. “Wakana, I…”

“Look.” Wakana interrupts him. “You’re my friend. I’m not trying to hold you back … but if you like me, then you need to try!”

“I am trying!”

“You aren’t, though! You don’t care about me half as much as you care about baseball or your teammates…” She trails off, shaking her head.

“I do care about you! But I don’t...I didn’t…” He bites his lip. He doesn’t want to date her. He knows he doesn’t now. There’s what he feels for Miyuki and then there’s what he feels for Wakana. They aren’t the same. They aren’t even close.

“Why didn’t you say no, then?” Her eyes are looking dangerously teary. “You didn’t have to say yes!”

“I…” He stops, mouth gaping, because it’s a questions he’s asked himself more than once There’s a lot of things he could say. He could say yes I did, everyone expected me too. He could say I wanted to say yes. He could say you were the one who pushed. He could say I thought being your friend was enough. He could say I think I’m in love with someone and it isn’t you. But he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry.” It’s probably not perfect. But it’s what he has, just now.

She smiles at him, bitter and blinking away tears. “I know you are.” She reaches forward, catches one of his hands between hers. “This isn’t all your fault. I think I was forcing things, wasn’t I?”

Sawamura doesn’t know what to say. He’s good at excitement and anger and the big, loud emotions. The quieter ones, like loss and pain, aren’t things that he knows how to deal with. So he just squeezes her hand tight for a minute before letting go. He hopes she understands and thinks that she probably does. She’s been his friend since the beginning.

“I think I knew it would never work.” She says. “But I had to try! I would have been so mad at myself if I didn’t even try.”

Sawamura swallows. “Can we...can we still be friends?”

“It’ll take more than this for us to stop being friends, Eijun.” She smiles. “But I’m probably not going to talk to your a while, okay? I need...I need some time. To get over all of this.”

Sawamura stands and helps her to her feet. She goes for a high-five and he goes for a hug. Somehow, they never seem to get the timing on that right.

“Sorry.” Sawamura says, abandoning his hug attempt and pressing his palm against hers. It’s soft, the callouses of their time playing together long-faded.

“Yeah.” She sighs, pulling her hands away. “I know.”

He watches her leave, hands shaking and eyes teary. He’s pretty sure that trying to comfort her now would make it worse. So he just says “sorry” and locks the door once she leaves. She’s one of his most precious friends. She hated baseball, but did it because he needed a team. She became part of his team because he needed one and she never let him down or left him. He was the one to leave her and that’s all he keeps doing. He just keeps leaving her.

He may not have liked her like a girlfriend, but he loves her like a friend. He needs to treat her better, he should have been treating her better. His or her feelings aren’t an excuse. She’s his friend and he let her down. He goes back to the kitchen and slumps against the counter. He stays there for a while, just thinking, before he hears a door creak open.

“If you and your girlfriend are gonna be fighting, at least let me know beforehand.” Miyuki wanders cautiously into the kitchen, apparently on the lookout for Wakana. “I could hear it from my room.”

“Yes!” Sawamura finds himself shouting. “Sorry!”

Miyuki raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. He busies himself by making coffee, his back to Sawamura. “You don’t want any, do you?”

"That shit is nasty."

Miyuki just shrugs. “I guess it’s an acquired taste.” Sawamura is suddenly very aware of the way that Miyuki’s shoulders stretch out the fabric of his old t-shirt.

“Guess so!” Sawamura laughs way too loudly and goes to get a sports drink out of the fridge. He can feel Miyuki’s eyes on him as he rifles through, trying to find his favorite kind. “So, uh…” He’s not sure how to do this. “Wakana and I broke up.”

“Shit.” Sawamura glances back to see Miyuki looking at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry.”Sawamura just goes back to looking through the fridge. They’re low on everything. They’ll have to shop tomorrow. “Why did the two of you break up?”

“Couple of reasons.” He shrugs, not looking at Miyuki. “I was just too busy. And, well, I wasn’t really sure about dating her anyway.”

Miyuki doesn’t say anything, just keeps drinking his coffee.

Sawamura decides to keep talking“I mean, we were friends for a long time.” He picks at the label of his drink. “And everybody just kind of expected me to date her.”

“They did, didn't they?” Miyuki hums.

“Yeah.” Sawamura sighs. “Since, like, middle school. I thought it was stupid. I guess I never wondered about what she thought about it.”

“I don’t think that it’s your fault, Sawamura.” Miyuki says.

“Yeah, but I still let her down.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I wasn’t really thinking about being her boyfriend.” He admits. “But I’ve been a bad friend to her either way.” He props his chin on a hand. “I shoulda been honest, told her I never liked her that way.”

“You didn't?” Miyuki’s voice is soft.

“I...no.” Sawamura looks up, takes in tired brown eyes and a wary smile. “I wasn’t interested in her like that.”

“Oh.” The sit in silence for a while. Then, “You gonna be okay?” Miyuki gets up and goes to set his mug in the sink.

Sawamura nods, slow at first but then more sure. “I think so.”

He swallows and catches Miyuki’s eyes, brown and bright behind his glasses.

“Yeah. I’m gonna be fine.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Huh?” They’ve just finished practice. Kuramochi and Sawamura are lazing on the couch and watching stupid TV. Miyuki is out getting groceries and so it’s just them in the apartment. It’s not something that happens a lot. If Sawamura wants to ask his questions, then now is the time for him to do it.

Kuramochi yawns. “What is it?”

“You said he was jealous.”

“Huh?”

“Miyuki. You said he was jealous.” Sawamura very determinedly keeps his eyes fixed on the TV. Kuramochi just kind of grunts in response. Sawamura swallows. “Uh, well...what exactly did you mean when you said that?”

“I know that you're dumb, but it isn't that complicated."

Sawamura glowers at him. “Kuramochi…”

“Look, I just don’t want to know.” Kuramochi groans. “Like, if you’re gay for Miyuki then that’s super, but I do not want to hear about it.”

“But…” Sawamura tries.

Kuramochi puts his hands on his ears and starts shouting “la la la la! I can’t hear you!”

When Miyuki comes home from the store a few minutes later, he finds them in a pile on the floor, Kuramochi gripping Sawamura by the hair and Sawamura struggling in an unsuccessful attempt to get away. Miyuki steps over them on his way to the kitchen.

Clearly, Sawamura is not going to find a solution to his problem inside if the apartment.

Chris-senpai is and always will be his first choice for advice. However, now that Chris is back in America, finding a time when their schedules match up is almost impossible. Sawamura sends Chris some texts about the Miyuki situation, but decides that in the meantime he’ll enlist some outside help.

He send a quick text to set up a webchat and, a couple of minutes later, accepts a notification letting him know he’s getting a call on skype. It blooms brightly on his screen and resolves itself into the picture of a pink-haired boy sitting in an apartment.

“Haruichi!” Sawamura almost cries with relief at seeing his friend on the screen. Why did he not think of this earlier? Haruichi has always been good at advice and at telling Sawamura when he was being a moron.

“Hi, Eijun-kun.” He raises a hand and smiles. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah!” He grins and wishes that he could hug Haruichi through the screen somehow. “How’s Hokkaido?”

“Cold. I miss Tokyo.”

Sawamura laughs. “I told you would!”

“So your text said you said you needed help with something?” Haruichi aks.

Sawamura considers the best way to ask his questions “So...you’re dating a boy.” Upon reflection, there was probably a better way to start.

“Yes, Eijun-kun.” Haruichi sighs. “I thought we already talked about this.” Back in second year, Sawamura had walked in on Haruichi and Furuya kissing. After Eijun had done a lot of screaming and covering his eyes, Haruichi had admitted that he and Furuya had been dating since the end of their first year.

“No, I know, it’s just…” He swallows, struggling to frame what he wants to ask. Words are difficult, sometimes. “How did you know? That you wanted to date him, I mean.”

Haruichi doesn’t ask why Sawamura he want to know. He just taps his chin for a minute, thinking, and then smiles. “I just knew.” He says. “It was like hitting the ball back or catching a pop fly. I didn’t really need to question why. I just kind of...reacted.” He shrugs. “I know that’s a stupid answer, but that’s what it was like for me.”

“No, I think I get it.” Sawamura says. “Thanks...for telling me.”

“No problems, Eijun-kun.” He tilts his head. “Why did you want to know?”

“Er…” Sawamura isn’t sure he wants to talk about his feelings for Miyuki yet, even with Haruichi. They’re not new, he’s coming to realize that, but his accepting them is. “Well, the thing is…”

A muffled voice from Haruichi’s speaker interrupts him.

“One minute, Furuya-kun!” Haruichi calls. He turns back to Sawamura with a reluctant smile. “We’ve got a dinner reservation. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Sawamura says. He’s never stopped being a little bit jealous of the easy, supportive relationship that Furuya and Haruichi have had since first year. “It’s weird that you still call your boyfriend by his last name, you know.” He says, just a bit snippily.

Haruichi laughs. “I guess I just got used to it.” He leans a bit close to the camera, probably getting ready to shut it off. “Good luck, Eijun-kun.”

“Have fun with Furuya.” Sawamura waves a hand. The screen goes black and he’s confronted with his own face reflected in the black screen.

I just knew.

He’s starting to get it, bit by bit.

A few days later, Sawamura's phone rings at one in the morning and jolts him out of a strange, half-remembered dream about finding a cherry tree that grew baseballs instead of cherries. He glares at the phone, unable to remember if there were cherries that tasted like baseballs or baseballs that tasted like cherries.

“H’lo?” He mumbles, putting the phone to his ear and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“Sawamura?” A voice says and Sawamura straightens up. He knows that voice!

“Chris-senpai!” He crows, delighted. “You never call!”

“I know the time difference in inconvenient.” Chris says. “But your text messages made it sound like you needed someone to talk to.”

“Yeah, I do. You’re so wise, Chris-senpai!” Sawamura sits up, cradling the phone to his ear. “This is why I wish you were always there to give me advice!”

Chris chuckles. “Too bad there’s an ocean in the way.”

“Stupid ocean.” Sawamura says.

“So...your texts?” Chris prompts. “You said you and Miyuki were having problems, right?”

“It’s a long story.” Sawamura yawns.

“So tell me.” Chris says.

“Okay, so we live together now. I did tell you that, right?”

“You did.” Chris affirms.

“Well things started to get weird when I dated this girl for a while.” He leans up against his wall, pulling his blankets over himself more securely. “Wakana, I don’t know if you remember her. But that’s not important. Just...while I dated her, Miyuki acted all weird and annoyed with me. And then Kuramochi said he was jealous and it kind of made me happy? But then, even before that things between us were...strange.”

“Strange?” Chris says.

Sawamura nods before remembering that there’s an ocean and a lot of hours between him and Chris. “We got along so much better than we used too. We spent a whole bunch of time together, just me and him, doing things.” He pokes at his pillows his the hand not holding his phone. “And I...I guess that I liked it? And I'm still not sure what all of that means. I mean...I guess I have an idea, but it's just weird for me, you know?"

Chris sighs. “You don’t have to like someone as more than friends to want to hang out with them. You do know that right?”

“Yeah, I know that, I just...I think I do like him.” Sawamura shudders a bit. It’s the first time he can remember saying the words out loud. “As more than friends, I mean. Because when I kissed Wakana, all it did was make me wonder what it would be like to kiss Miyuki.”

For a minute, both Sawamura and Chris are quiet. Then, Sawamura mumbles. “I don’t know what I should do now, Chris-senpai.”

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions, Sawamura.” Chris says.

“But what would you do?” Sawamura worries at the edge of his blanket, notices the threads that have started to unravel.

“If I had feelings for a friend?” Chris rumbles and Sawamura hums in assent. “Well, it would depend on a lot of different things for me. If there was an age difference, if we lived in the same place, if I thought it would last. But this isn’t about me, Sawamura.” Chris’s voice is heavy. “This is about you.”

Sawamura stops, thinks. This is about him. He’s never been one to shy away from challenges. He came to Seido, he overcame the yips, he made it Koushien, he became the ace. He gets scared, yeah, but that has never stopped him before. It would be stupid to let it stop him now.

“I really like him, Chris-senpai.” Sawamura says. “I do. And I think...I think that I should tell him.”

Chris is quite for a minute and, if not for the faint sound of his breathing, Sawamura would have thought that he hung up. Then, “I wish you luck, Sawamura.” His voice is soft.

Sawamura grins. “Thanks, Chris-senpai.” Now that he’s made his decision, he can’t stop smiling. “You’re the best.”

“I should go.” Chris says. “I’ve got class soon.”

“Oh, okay.” Sawamura says. “Thanks again.”

“Let me know how it goes, won’t you?”

“Yeah, of course.” Sawamura hums.

“Good luck, Sawamura.”

“Night, Chris-senpai.”

Sawamura hangs up his phone and sets it down beside his bed. Miyuki. Miyuki Kazuya. He really, really likes him. He hugs his pillow, burying his grin. Soon, maybe even as soon as tomorrow, Sawamura is going to let him know.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Ah?” Miyuki and Sawamura are sitting on the couch after practice, TV playing in the background like usual. It’s like any other day and, for a brief second, Sawamura considers going somewhere special or something. But, for him and Miyuki, this seems like enough.

“What is it, Sawamoron?” Miyuki looks over at him, glasses reflecting the glow of the TV.

“I, ah…” He bites his lip, considering.

It’s frustrating. Words have a way of getting tangled. Words never get what he means across quite right. Actions have always been easier.

So he reaches out, grabs Miyuki by the collar and drags him into a kiss.

Unfortunately, it happens more like a collision of faces than a kiss. He’s never kissed anyone besides Wakana and that was soft and slow and all led by her. He apparently overestimated the amount of force it would take to bring Miyuki to him.

Like, by a lot.

There’s significantly more pain involved in this kiss than was involved with his kiss with Wakana. Their faces hit with a crunch and Sawamura hurriedly leans back, mortified that he managed to screw this up so incredibly badly.

“Ow.” Miyuki is holding his nose and, yep, that’s blood. Sawamura tried to kiss him and gave him a bloody nose. He is never going to live this down. And, oh god, if Kuramochi finds out about this…

He groans and hides his face in his hands. “I am so sorry.” He moans. “I am so stupid. That was so stupid.”

“No! no…” Miyuki’s shout surprises him so much that he drops his hands and looks up. His face is a fairly gory sight. Blood is oozing slowly from his nose, turning his lips and teeth red, but he doesn’t seem to notice it. He’s just staring at Sawamura with wide eyes.

“Did you…” He stops, wipes blood from his lips with a hand. “Did you mean that?” He asks the question from blood-smeared lips.

“I, er…” Sawamura’s gaze drops back down to Miyuki’s chest. “I didn’t mean to give you a bloody nose, if that’s what you mean.”

“Shut up, idiot.” Miyuki touches his shoulder. “Look at me and tell me. Did you mean that?”

Sawamura looks up at him. He looks like a horror movie villain. There’s blood splattered on the bottom edge of his glasses. Sawamura likes him so much. “I...yeah.” He says, looking back down. “I meant that.”

Miyuki just stares at him for a long moment and then, “Ahahahahaha!”

“Don’t laugh!” Sawamura can feel himself blushing.

“I’m….ahahah...I’m sorry.” Miyuki laughs, unconcerned with the blood he’s flecking on his shirt and the couch. “Ahahah...ow, ow, this hurts...hahahha….” He finally stops, but he keeps grinning his gorey grin. “You want to kiss me.”

“Yeah.” Sawamura sighs, admitting it. “I really do.”

“I wanna kiss you too, but I think we’re gonna have to save the it for later.” Miyuki grins at him. “I’m kind of, well, kind of bloody right now.”

“I’m so sorry…” Sawamura mumbles, but Miyuki grabs his wrist with his unbloodied hand and drags him closer. Sawamura can see his eyes behind his glasses, bright and full of promise.

“You’re such an idiot, Sawamura.” He hums. “But I guess I am too.” He grins. “I’m the one who likes you, after all.”

“C’mon.” Sawamura helps him to his feet. “Let me fix you up.”

Sawamura cleans the blood off in the bathroom and forces Miyuki into a clean shirt. “Getting me undressed on the first date, Sawamura?” Miyuki waggles his eyebrows. “Wow, so forward.”

“You’re such a shit.” Sawamura says, but he can’t stop smiling. Miyuki leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. The gesture, so unexpected and so strangely intimate, makes Sawamura blush.

“Look at that.” Miyuki hums. “I kissed you and you didn’t even bleed. Wonder of wonders.”

“That was an accident!” Sawamura shoves Miyuki, trying to stop his giggles, but they just get louder. “You think you can do it better, huh? Huh? Just try it!”

“Oh ho, a challenge?” Miyuki snickers. “Well...I guess that if you insist…” His gaze drops to Sawamura’s lips and Sawamura gulps, mouth dry with anticipation. Miyuki’s lips brush against his. “Follow my lead, Sawamoron.”

His lips taste like salt and soap and it should be completely disgusting, but because it’s Miyuki it is somehow just right. It’s warm and it’s close and it’s like baseball because he doesn’t have to think about it, he just does it and it’s perfect…

“OH GOD MY EYES!”

So of course something has to ruin it.

Miyuki pulls back to look at the traumatized Kuramochi who is standing in the doorway to the bathroom. “D’you mind?” He grins. “We were kind busy here, Mochi.”

“No….” Kuramochi is still hiding his face with his hands. “Oh, god why me.”

“Hey, Mochi, guess what?” Miyuki has on his trademark asshole grin.

“No!” Sawamura ineffectively tries to shut Miyuki up by grabbing him. “Don’t tell him!”

“Sawamura tried to kiss me…"

“Shut up, shut up, shut up…”

“And he head-butted me instead!”

“Shut up, shuT UP, SHUT UP!”

“I got a bloody nose!”

Kuramochi stares from Sawamura to Miyuki, back again and then breaks out in hysterical laughter. “Only you, Sawamoron! That is the best thing I’ve heard in, well, pretty much ever.”

“I know, right?” Miyuki grins.

They continue to give him shit about his combo headbutt/kiss all through dinner. But, despite all of that, he feels better than he’s felt in a long time. And, next to him, Miyuki hasn’t stopped smiling.

“Wanna go play catch after dinner?” Sawamura smiles at Miyuki who smiles right back.

“With you? Anytime.”

“Y’know, if it was anyone else I would think that was a euphemism.” Kuramochi pokes sullenly at his dinner. “But you idiots are actually going to go play catch, aren’t you?”

“It’s okay Kuramochi.” Miyuki snickers. “I’m sure that you’ll find somebody to play catch with you someday.”

Kuramochi continues to mumble and poke at his food, occasionally looking up to glare at them. Sawamura can’t bring himself to care. He knows he keeps grinning like an idiot, but he really can’t help it

Miyuki likes him back. Miyuki Kazuya likes him back.

They wander down to the park after dinner, toting gloves and balls. Sawamura keeps looking over at Miyuki and then looking away again.

“Hey.” He stops in front of an empty baseball diamond.

“Yeah?” Miyuki raises an eyebrow. Sawamura leans in for a quick kiss, just a soft press of his lips against Miyuki’s.

“No blood this time.” Miyuki says with a grin when the part. “Nice job.”

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Sawamura grumbles.

“Only when you do something more embarrassing.” Miyuki snickers. “And, for my physical health, I hope that it doesn’t happen for while.”

Sawamura ignores him and turns to jog over to the pitcher’s mound. The sun is setting, casting long shadows at his feet. It turns the dirt red and the grass gold, like a perfect painting. Sawamura thinks idly that he prefers a mound that is brown and fresh and full of promise, just like Miyuki’s eyes.

“Ready, Sawamura?” Miyuki calls from the catcher’s box. “Or d’you wanna injure me first?”

“Shut up and catch!” Sawamura shouts. Miyuki drops down, glove at the ready, eyes dancing behind his glasses.

“Give me whatever, Sawamura.” Miyuki grins. “I’ll catch it, I guarantee.”

Sawamura winds up, grips the ball hard, and lets it go.

This thing with Miyuki isn’t perfect. It isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough to last for a good, long while. Maybe, he thinks as he Miyuki catches his pitch just right, it’s enough for forever.