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Himeru has decided to take a permanent hiatus on his homie-sexual tendencies.
They had been the root of many of his problems for much too long now and Himeru refuses to let one (1) handsome man distract him from the reason that he’s here. Himeru was here to be a top idol. And Himeru refuses to screw everything up again when he’s already gotten so far just because he couldn’t stop thinking about him. One single handsome man. Him, with the moles. Him, with the soft hair. Him, with that stupidly kind smile.
Him. Tatsumi Kazehaya.
The one man responsible for everything.
So Himeru was done being a homie-sexual simp once and for all. He was going to drop the addiction like he’d drop an ex. Not that he’s ever had an ex though, of course. That was much too improper for Kaname’s reputation. If it meant that Kaname could live the life he always dreamed of when he finally woke up– which he would wake up– then Himeru was more than willing to throw away those uselessly treacherous thoughts.
Plus. Him and Tatsumi Kazehaya? It wouldn’t work anyways. Tatsumi didn’t feel the same as him… Not that Himeru felt anything that he’d want Tatsumi to replicate of course. And after seeing the scandal that went down in Valkyrie, something about Shu threatening to split the unit in two if Kagehira gave him one more croissant-shaped meatloaf, Himeru was beginning to think that being a homie-sexual was a not so great thing.
He hoped that the Wikihow page “How to Dress for Church” didn’t fail him now. Here Himeru was, dressed in his best Sunday church clothes, standing in front of the church looking very out of place amongst the white, middle aged women and men with bald spots. What better way to purge homie-sexual thoughts than to go to church though? His bright blue hair stuck out like a sore thumb in the sea of natural hairs cut neatly and styled in what Himeru could only guess was holy in the eyes of the Lord. But hey, at least his slacks and button up fit in a bit better, blending in with the muted colors that were nothing like the bright colors seen on the idols in Ensemble Square. Though it still didn’t stop him from getting strange glances as he slowly made his way up the stairs.
“Himeru-han, are you sure this is a good idea?” Kohaku asked from beside him, looking nervous as he fidgeted with his shirt collar. “I dunno if this is gonna help ya at all.”
“Himeru cannot think of any other way to purge such tendencies.” Himeru replies as they approach the doors looming ahead of them, looking just about as imposing as church doors would. Himeru would feel more comfortable being chewed out by Ibara than he would walking through those doors by his own accord. But he felt a bit better about the whole thing because he had dragged Kohaku with him, the boy dressed in a button up colored a light pink to match his neatly-combed hair and his dress shoes clicked on the pavement. He looked a bit like he was going to a middle school dance. “Besides, Himeru never asked for you to accompany him--” That was a lie. He gently reminded the boy that he owed him after he blamed the last kitchen fire on Nikki and Kohaku had followed him begrudgingly. “--Please don’t feel pressured to stay.”
“Aiya, but Himeru-han, I’d never let ya face this all alone!” Kohaku gave him a weak smile that hid the fact that Ya-totally-dragged-me-here was clear in his gaze. “Who knows, maybe I’ll learn somethin’ today. Like how to get Rinne to stop bein’ a lil’ bitch.”
“Himeru doesn’t think even God himself could fix Amagi.”
Kohaku laughs, “You’re probably right, Himeru-han.”
“He often is.”
A man stood in front of the church doors, a basket of pamphlets in his arms. He wore something similar to Himeru, a plain set of pants and a slightly wrinkled polo, which made Himeru feel slightly more confident that the Wikihow gave him the right instructions. Himeru blinked at him slowly and inclined his head politely in a bow.
The man is silent for a moment, his eyes not so subtly looking Himeru up and down. Himeru blinked slowly. Did he really have to tell somebody twice his age he wasn’t interested? But the man eventually nodded to himself, as if he had finally come up with a conclusion, and gave Himeru a smile. “Ma’am, could I interest you in today’s service guide?”
Kohaku’s mouth dropped open. Himeru could feel a headache coming on. He had even gone through with the liberty of using only the essential makeup, like foundation and a bit of mascara to free him of that I’m-dying-inside look. Himeru was beginning to wonder if he should have just gone to Keito’s shrine instead.
He deepens his voice and gives a pleasant smile, “No thank you. Himeru believes he will get the gist of it without a fill-in-the-blank.” Himeru shoulders around him, not before adding though: “May God bless you. Come on, Oukawa.”
Himeru could feel the man’s bewildered expression following him as he made his way into the church. Inside was no different, in fact it was filled with a copy-paste variety of people that looked almost exactly like the man outside. Himeru’s shoes gave him a bit of extra height but people strangely enough gave him a wide bubble of room anyways as he wove his way through the crowd, and Himeru began to worry that all Catholics were secretly mind-readers. Himeru had heard of the gaydar. His own gaydar went off like a police siren everytime he stepped within a foot of Ensemble Square. Did all these Catholics have a sort of homie-sexual gaydar too? Did they know what Himeru thinks of, when he’s alone at night with nothing but his own homie-sexual thoughts for company? Maybe they thought it was contagious. Himeru was beginning to think it was. He wouldn’t be surprised if Tatsumi gave him some kind of homie-sexual disease when they had kissed in the back at the restaurant–
“Himeru-han?” Kohaku blinked up at him, flipping through the pages of the pamphlet offhandedly. “Are you alright?”
Wait. No. Himeru cut the thought off. He was here to get rid of those sinful thoughts. Not think of them more! Himeru sighs to himself. But the feel of Tatsumi’s lips against his was… just not something he could forget so easily. They had been soft, shaped in the gentle curve of a bow as if they were just made to be against Himeru’s. And the way his slender fingers had corded through Himeru’s hair… A shudder goes through Himeru.
“Yes, Himeru is fine…” Himeru lies after a moment. His hand instinctively reaches for his pocket, where he usually keeps his emergency Advil bottle but Himeru stops himself again. Himeru was here to change. For the better. If he was going to drop the whole homie-sexual thing, then taking a day off from the Advil-addiction might help break the habits. “Himeru suggests we find a seat. The service will be starting soon.”
The chapel itself was lit by the soft glow of orange candlelight, flickering in the enclaves overhead in shimmering candelabras. Sunlight was turned into slanted colors of red, blue and gold from the shuddered stained glass windows running down the length of the room. Jesus smiled at Himeru from all of them, his dark, glass-painted eyes, staring into Himeru’s soul. Churches had always made Himeru feel uneasy, like he was being watched. It wasn’t hard to imagine why, with how many paintings, statues, and windows Jesus was in, and all of them seemed to be looking straight at Himeru. Did Jesus have a gaydar too? Himeru sure hoped he didn’t. Himeru didn’t think he’d be allowed in any kind of afterlife if Jesus knew the things he thought about.
People began to settle into their seats so Himeru made his way to the back, hiding himself away amongst the pews. Kohaku used his sharp little teenager elbows to nudge and shove his way through the sea of people and eventually he made his way over too, plopping down beside Himeru with a defeated sigh. There was a bible tucked into a little pocket in front of them and the other people around him began to pull them out, flipping through the pages as if they had done it a million times, which they probably had so Himeru pulls out his own and picks his way through the pages until he felt like he had pretended to know what he was doing long enough to look convincing. A woman settled down beside him, her own bible in her arms, filled with colorful sticky notes poking out of folded pages. She gave him a smile and Himeru returned it weakly, hoping for all that he was worth that she would just go away and pick another spot. But because the world was always against Himeru, she stayed in the seat next to him.
Himeru stared straight ahead to avoid eye contact with her as Kohaku idly mumbled something about Sunday School. The woman peered at him curiously though. Himeru’s ears were burning beneath her gaze.
“Excuse me?” Himeru eventually glanced at her, his smile twitching at the corners.
“I think you’re on the wrong chapter.” Her face darkened as she quickly smiled, pointing to the page Himeru had decided on. It had some ridiculously long titles and the words were so small Himeru wondered how anybody was supposed to read it without going blind. Kohaku glanced over at Himeru with wide eyes, his gaze flicking over to the woman briefly. Was that the flash of a knife in the pocket of Kohaku’s polo shirt?
“Oh, silly Himeru.” Himeru hurriedly feigned embarrassment to save the poor innocent lady from potentially being stabbed, forcing a smile he hoped didn’t make his eye spasm. The words tasted like bile on his tongue. “Could you kindly remind Himeru where we should be?”
The woman smiled at him curiously and tilted her head. Kohaku eyes her for another moment suspiciously but slowly, the gleam of what Himeru really hoped wasn’t a knife disappeared, “I’ve never heard anybody speak like that before–” Himeru inwardly kicked himself. “--But we should be…” She leans over much too far into Himeru’s personal space and flips to the correct page. “...Here.”
She was rather pretty, with light skin and warm eyes. A lot like his, actually. And her hair was long, brushing her shoulders, but if Himeru squinted, it could be his if he really thought about it…
She smiles up at him for a moment longer, still leaning over him before she settles back into her own seat and looks ahead as people begin to quiet. Himeru turns away from her. Maybe he should get her number after the service. If Himeru knew anything about courting then he was fairly certain she found him attractive. If he was going to start anew, he may as well start by dating somebody of the opposite gender.
Kohaku slides over to Himeru with a whisper, “Himeru-han, if ya need backup, I have ya back.”
Himeru was busy trying to look like he knew what he was reading, staring down at the thin pages of the bible, “... Himeru is slightly concerned about why you have what seems to be a knife, Oukawa.”
But before Himeru could convince himself of such a 180-sexuality change, and before Kohaku could defend himself, the lights dimmed to a dull flicker and somebody stepped up onto the raised pew ahead of them. He wore a dark cloak, shadowing what was a slender form, and he held a bible under one arm as he smiled down at all the watching eyes. His hair was pinned away from violet eyes and he wore a necklace of glittering rosary beads.
Himeru couldn't believe his eyes.
Himeru couldn’t believe his fucking eyes.
“Welcome.” Tatsumi Kazehaya began in a voice smooth as honey. “It is a pleasure to see so many familiar faces–” He paused to scan the crowd. Himeru immediately tried to duck out of sight but it was too late. That bastard broke into such a brilliant grin when he saw Himeru that Himeru truly thought his heart would burst out of his chest and he’d implode on the spot. “ –And it is wonderful to see some new faces as well. If you are new, I’d like you to raise your hand.”
Himeru did not raise his hand. He would not raise his hand. Instead, Himeru really wanted the ground to swallow him up because he suddenly remembered that Tatsumi was in fact Catholic. And that Catholic, Tatsumi, was staring right at Himeru, waiting for Himeru to raise his hand. Kohaku was fiddling with his pocket again and Himeru hoped for the sake of not going back to prison that he didn’t have any more concealed weapons.
Himeru stands so quickly the seat rocks. He couldn’t bear another moment beneath Tatsumi’s lilac gaze. The woman gives him a strange look and any hope Himeru may have had in landing a not-homie-sexual bitch flies out the window as Himeru hurries out of the room just as Tatsumi begins his religious spiel. Kohaku gives a squawk and hurries after him with wide eyes.
“Oukawa.” Himeru says immediately after speed walking out of the room. Kohaku wrung his hands beneath Himeru’s gaze. “When Himeru said to scout out the area, he does believe something like this should have been reported.”
“How was I supposed to know he was the pastor?” Kohaku replies hotly, crossing his arms. “I did the patrol last night. At midnight. I was just lookin’ for threats, not yer silly crush! I’d be more worried if Tatsumi-senpai was here that late!”
Himeru’s eye twitches, “Come again, Oukawa?”
Kohaku hurriedly waves his hands, giving a nervous chuckle, “A–Ah, nothing Himeru-han.” Himeru squints at him and he sighs after a moment. “Okay, I’m sorry. But Himeru-han… Maybe if ya truly want to rid yourself of yer feelings… Maybe ya have to face em’.”
“Himeru believes that is a terrible idea.” Himeru facing his fears? His entire character trope revolved around avoiding his very not-Kaname-like anxieties and desires. He is fairly certain Kaname never had to face any homie-sexual thoughts.
Kohaku sighs, “Alright, Alright.” Kohaku pauses, then perks up, “That nice lady inside seemed to like ya. Maybe ya should get her number.”
“Himeru must agree with you on that point…” Himeru trails off, rubbing his temples as an incoming headache makes itself apparent. All these homie-sexual thoughts were definitely rewriting Himeru’s brain and it wasn’t in a good way. “She did seem interested in Himeru and from what Himeru has learned from observation, that is usually a sign of infatuation.”
Kohaku smiles, “There ya go Himeru.” He reaches to give him a clap on the shoulder, “Now go get em’, Himer–”
“Pardon me, gentlemen?”
A man makes his way over to the Bees. He was dressed in robes similar to the one Tatsumi had been wearing and there were those thick, glossy beads hanging around his neck, where a cross rested against his chest. His hair was slicked back neatly and he smiled warmly. But Himeru was still jumpy. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, half expecting Tatsumi to pop out from behind him.
“Him– ‘I’ apologize. We were just returning–” Himeru begins, catching hold of Kohaku’s sleeve before Tatsumi should materialize from thin air. Homie-sexuality wasn’t just rewriting his brain, it was making him so fucking paranoid he thought that Tatsumi was about to jump out of every corner and shadow.
“No, no.” The man said in that voice that was much too patronizing for Himeru’s liking. Or maybe that was just the sound of Tatsumi’s stupidly-kind voice worming its way into the mouth of every other person. Why couldn’t Himeru seem to shake him no matter where he went?! “Are you two here for the confessionals? You were standing beneath the sign, afterall.”
The two Bees look up. In big letters, read “CONFESSIONAL”, sprawled in swooping Bible-print on the wall over their heads. Kohaku laughs sadly. Himeru sighs. He really wishes he hadn’t left the Advil at the dorms.
“Actually.” Kohaku’s hand on Himeru’s shoulder turns into a grasp. “My friend here is. Go on Himeru-han! I heard confessionals are good for yer soul!”
The pink haired idol shoves Himeru forward before Himeru could even so much as protest. He flashes Kohaku a look of betrayal as the man begins to lead Himeru away, steering him down the opposite hall. Kohaku gives him a thumbs up, grinning as he mouths “ If ya confess, maybe God will forgive yer lil crush!”
Himeru mouths back, “ So where are you going to go?!”
Kohaku inclines his head back towards the main room, whipping out his phone with a crooked smile, “ I gotta learn how to make Rinne repent for all his fuck ups after all!”
“Uh, sir?” The man looked at Himeru strangely. “Are you alright?”
Himeru promptly shut his mouth and turns away from Kohaku. Kohaku ducks back inside the room and for a brief moment, the sound of Tatsumi’s horrible, terrible homie-sexual-thought-inducing voice leaks through and into Himeru’s homie-sexual ears. Himeru rubs his temple, “Ah, ‘I’ apologize…”
The man gives him that odd look again. Himeru sighs to himself. Maybe this would be good for Himeru, confessing to the Lord above his sins. The people at the edge of the street always preached to him that God was always willing to save him if he just asked for forgiveness and God definitely knows he has plenty to be forgiven for. But Himeru was not here to open his heart completely. Himeru simply needed these homie-sexual thoughts purged from his mind before it caused him to either one, self destruct on the spot, which would be real unfortunate if he happened to be in the middle of a Live. Himeru could only imagine the scandal that would cause. Or two, Himeru would act on those homie-sexual thoughts and well… Himeru tries desperately not to think of Tatsumi’s soft lips, or the way his eyes gleamed so brightly in the sunlight.
Himeru needed God. This was the only way out. This was the only way Himeru could continue to be a successful idol without the plague of homie-sexual thoughts ruining his career.
“You can just wait in here.” The man pushes open a door and inside is a small room, painted in cool tones, like a therapist's office (Not that Himeru has ever been in therapy though… That was definitely not Kaname-like), and there was a single chair pushed up against the wall. It looked like a great place to be murdered and Himeru suspects his body might not be found for many days given the amount of dust motes that swirled in the air. Maybe this is where all the homie-sexuals were taken when God’s gaydar went off. Himeru always suspected McDonald’s Fine Meal was a pyramid scheme but the Catholic church? “The priest will be here shortly to take you to the confessional booths.”
Himeru bowed his thanks before settling down in the chair. The homie-sexual thoughts were making Himeru complacent, apparently content to be murdered in the not-therapist’s room. The man gave him one more squint-eyed look, as if his wiki-how church dress attire wasn’t entirely passing, but he closed the door a minute later and Himeru was left with the sound of his own thoughts.
Tatsumi really had looked so stupid, walking into the restaurant to go on a date with Himeru still dressed in his church attire. The beige of the shirt had complimented the stark brightness of Tatsumi’s minty hair so well, and his jeans, which were fitted around the hips by a belt, had drawn Himeru’s eyes instantly, rather homie-sexually as much as Himeru hates to admit.
“Ah Himeru-san, you’re ticklish?” Tatsumi has said, giggling as he scratched gently at Himeru’s wrist, where his gold watch usually rested and God, Himeru had giggled back. Like a homie-sexual. Like a good for nothing homie-sexual. What would Kaname think, when he woke up and saw Himeru having such useless thoughts over somebody like Tatsumi Kazehaya? The very somebody that was the reason Kaname was in a coma, tucked away in some cramped little hospital bed while Himeru was here, sitting in an equally small room awaiting an ax-murderer for all he knew.
Maybe Rinne was right. Maybe Himeru was a failure of a homie-sexual. Maybe this is the rock bottom. Maybe this is the punishment that Himeru must take to atone for his many, many sins.
As if sensing the aura of sinfulness, there is a quiet knock on the door. A different man from before pokes his head in and the clink of rosary beads follows the movement.
“The priest is ready for you in the booth now.”
Himeru gets up and the man holds the door open as Himeru walks into the darkness. The room was entirely black save for the sliver of light that came through the small grate in the screen in front of him, about a paper’s width wide. The man pulled out a chair and Himeru settled back down. The door closes as the man walks back out and Himeru is again left to his own thoughts. It was so dark and so quiet that Himeru was fairly certain that he was going to die. This was definitely the place the homie-sexuals went when God found out they were homie-sexuals.
Kaname. Himeru prayed to anybody that may be listening. I’m sorry I couldn’t confess my sins and purge myself of these thoughts—
“Hello? Are you perhaps here for a confession?”
Himeru paused. There was shuffling, fabric against the floor and the sound of somebody settling opposite of Himeru. Himeru hesitated a moment before saying quietly.
“Yes. That is why ‘I’—“ Himeru took a deep breath. If he were to truly be one with the Lord, he’d have to be one with himself. Not Himeru. Himself. The version buried so deeply Himeru could hardly recognize him. It had been so long. “That is why I am here. I hope to rid myself of worldly desires.”
The voice laughed softly behind the screen and the sound was like that of wind chimes. It was a charming sound. It was the most beautiful laugh Himeru has ever heard.
Just like Tatsumi’s. Himeru thought offhandedly.
“Well I’m not sure that we can do that, but if there is anything you’d like to get off your chest, please, go ahead and speak now. You are between the Lord now, Hi— ahem. Sir.”
Himeru pauses. That voice… it sounded oddly familiar. But isn’t that what they all say? That God sounded familiar, like a loved one? But Himeru couldn’t quite place which loved one’s voice God sounded like though. It was so familiar yet…
Himeru shakes away the suspicion “A—Ah… Yes. Yes of course not. I was being foolish, I’m sorry.” Himeru says, blinking a few times to clear his head. Why did he feel so flustered? “God? Can I call you that?”
The priest behind the screen hesitates, “If it makes you feel more comfortable, go right ahead.”
“Great. I have been having rather sinful thoughts about another man.” Himeru begins explaining. There was a pause before God replied.
“That is certainly something to confess…”
Himeru rubs his temples, sighing softly, “He is distracting, God. And I need him to stop. I need to stop. It is for the sake of my career that I purge myself of such desires.”
There’s a rustling, as if God was shifting down on his elbows, chin in one hand, “If I may be so bold, do you like this man?”
“Unfortunately.” Himeru grits out. “And that’s the problem. I should not be having any such feelings for this… particular person.” Himeru hesitates a moment. When he speaks again, he hates the way his voice cracks, “I have not forgiven this person for what he did long ago. But… I can’t help the way I feel about him. His laugh makes my heart stir in such a shameful way, his infuriatingly soft smile makes me want to claw my eyes out. Yet I cannot get enough of him. He is a sort of an addiction, if you would, and I am a self-destructive man.”
Silence. Had Himeru said too much? If God’s gaydar wasn’t going off now then well, Himeru was most definitely going to hell now. But being gay was the least of the things sending him to hell, so why was the silence so stifling?
“It sounds as if you love this man.” God says slowly. “And perhaps… Perhaps the man may love you back, should you let him do so.”
Himeru shakes his head, “I couldn’t let that happen. It would complicate things.”
“How so?”
Himeru closes his eyes. Kaname’s hair had gotten long in the past few weeks, pooling in a halo of light blue around his head, which had not moved from the indent of the pillows for so, so long now. His skin was so ghastly white it made Himeru’s heart clench every time he went to visit and he was so cold when Himeru brought a gentle hand to brush his bangs from his eyes. Himeru would kill any feelings, any emotions, if it meant Kaname would have the world he deserved. The world that was robbed from him, upon a stage of shining gold. And if it took this confession for Himeru to stop having such awful feelings for Tatsumi Kazehaya then so be it. Himeru, the idol, had no place for desires such as those.
“Because I have a brother, God.” Himeru whispers, as if he couldn’t bear for even God to hear his secret. “And this man hurt my brother. I could never forgive him for that.”
It felt so nice to let that off his chest. He could breathe again. Perhaps the confession was a good idea after all—
“Have you ever considered that perhaps the man you loathe so much loathes himself enough for both you and him combined?”
Himeru blinks and everything comes crashing back to reality, “You don’t know the man like I do—“
God shifts, as if raising a hand behind the screen, “Sir, perhaps you should attempt to speak to this man. And then maybe after you’ve done that, the truth will become clear.”
“But I wish to rid myself of these feelings, God. If I see him again… I’m afraid I’ll do something foolish.”
“And what is foolish in your eyes?”
Himeru shakes his head, laughing shallowly, “I may continue to love him despite all that he’s done.”
Silence again. Then, “Himeru?”
Himeru had never told God his name. But then again, he was God so surely he already knew it. Himeru responds, “Hm?”
The screen suddenly rattles and moves aside. And settling back down across from Himeru, in simple clothes like the ones he wore at the restaurant, in soft beiges and cool tones, was Tatsumi Kazehaya, wearing a sheepish smile on his face as he gazed at Himeru in such a sad way that Himeru’s heart clenched so tight he worried it would burst. The man reaches across and his hand hovered just inches away from Himeru’s cheek. Tatsumi gnawed his lip, fingers trembling.
“Himeru, I’m sorry I let this go on for so long. I was… I was just curious about what brought you to my church. I hadn’t meant to intrude on your personal life.”
The hand drew away and Himeru was left to stare at him. There he was. There was the man Himeru oh so hated, sitting across him with an expression that looked close to tears, so hurt and embarrassed that Himeru should be relishing the way he caught Tatsumi red fucking handed like the snake he always knew he was. But somehow, Himeru couldn’t stop looking at his lips, his soft lips being shredded beneath blunt white teeth, and he wanted to reach out and thumb away the loose flesh. Himeru couldn’t help but find Tatsumi sickeningly beautiful even in such simple attire. He was like an angel. And Himeru was just some poor devil chasing after his shadow.
Himeru had come to purge himself of his homie-sexual thoughts. But Himeru was leaning over now, easing a hand into Tatsumi’s hair as his breath fanned over Tatsumi’s shaking lips.
“I hate you Tatsumi Kazehaya.” Himeru whispered against his skin. “I hate how much I want you.”
Tatsumi blinked up at him through pale lashes. He placed his free hand over Himeru’s and he touched his forehead to his, “I know.”
If God’s gaydar wasn’t going off now then it definitely was now, as Himeru slid over the barrier to hold Tatsumi properly, lips working against his, as one as fingers corded into his hair, as his own fanned out into his clothes. The rosary clinked between them. A rickety air conditioner was working somewhere in the darkness overhead. Himeru could faintly hear the preaching from the main hall still.
“Himeru-han?”
Himeru’s eyes fly open. Tatsumi was beneath him, face red and eyes wide, the top few buttons of his shirt loose. Himeru glanced over his shoulder to see Kohaku standing in the doorway, looking just about as horrified as Himeru felt. Wait. That wasn’t a doorway. And… And that wasn’t just Kohaku.
Suddenly the preaching Himeru had heard was gone entirely. The entire church was utterly silent actually. Himeru could practically hear the sound of his heartbeat, and Tatsumi’s beneath him.
And the entire church was staring right at Himeru.
Turns out the sound of the rustling was not God, or Tatsumi, shifting behind the screen. It was the heavy curtain that separated the confession room from the main hall, thick enough that whispered confessions couldn’t be heard but still in the presence of the various depictions of Jesus in the dozens of stain glass windows. And while it was perfect for confessions, it was… definitely not perfect for making out against.
Kohaku’s face was as pink as his hair as he stared up at Himeru and Tatsumi on the podium, seated amongst the others that had come for the service. The priest that had been preaching drops the Bible he had been holding and it clatters to the floor in a dull crash. His mouth falls open just as fast. The woman that had been apparently interested in Himeru faints somewhere in the back, the sound of her hitting the floor almost as loud as the Bible as it hits the ground.
Tatsumi hurriedly scrambles out from beneath Himeru, fixing his clothes as gasps ring out from the crowd. He stares out at them, then at the Bible on the ground, then at the stained glass Jesus. Himeru gets to his feet. This would be the time where Rinne would storm in and save them all—
Right?
All is silent.
And there was no Rinne this time. No Toyota Corolla to save the day. No zoo animals burst through the walls, no croissant-shaped meatloafs appeared out of thin air. There was just the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears, and the strange, strangled noise that was coming from Tatsumi’s throat. Kohaku sighed so loudly it was like a gunshot in the quiet, bringing his hands to his temples, not unlike what Himeru was doing now. And all the while, Jesus was staring into his homie-sexual soul from every corner of the room. From every stained glass window, every tapestry, every statue.
Somehow Himeru does not think he purged his homie-sexual thoughts very successfully.
✧✧✧
“And that is how Himeru has landed himself a dinner with Kazehaya tonight.” Himeru says matter-a-factly. He sits in the ramen-stained armchair in the Crazy:B dorm, the Bees sitting in various spaces across from him as he finishes recounting the epic tale of his Catholic adventure.
Rinne breaks into a wide grin, picking his teeth offhandedly as he drapes himself over the couch beside Nikki, “So lemme get this straight–”
“There’s nothin’ straight about this.” Kohaku mutters. He still looked a bit annoyed, after having to use the appropriately dubbed getaway golf cart again to get out of the church before an angry mob of Catholics chased them out the doors and all the way to the steps of Ensemble Square, which was much too close to Ibara for Himeru’s liking. The last thing the Bees needed was another scandal.
Tatsumi had scrambled after them, his wrist in Himeru’s hand and despite everything, he was laughing. A crazed, delusional laugh that got Himeru’s heart pumping in such a homie-sexual way he couldn’t help but smile over his shoulder at the now ex-priest.
Rinne kicks the pink-haired idol and continues, ”Ya get him kicked outta the church and he’s gonna buy ya dinner? Wow, ya really are Himerizz. And ya didn’t even need my Ultimate Guide!”
Kohaku ducks around the blow and flashes the leader Bee a rude gesture, “Nobody needs ya shitty book, Rinne.”
“Yer such a rude fucking child, that cowboy I swear –”
Nikki pushes Rinne off of him as the red-haired idol lunges over his lap to swipe at Kohaku again, “I’ve always wondered what Kazehaya-senpai’s taste in food was so make sure you tell me, Himeru! I bet he likes sweets… ” Nikki begins to mutter to himself various possible sweets Tatsumi may like.
But Himeru’s mind elsewhere as the Bees continued their shenanigans. What would Tatsumi be wearing this time? Fitted jeans with a simple tee-shirt? Or maybe slacks and a button up, like Himeru was going with? One thing was for sure though, it certainly wouldn’t be priest robes now that he's been excommunicated, which… Wasn’t entirely Himeru’s fault, in his defense, this time. Tatsumi definitely had a shared bit in this. Though now that he thinks about it, most of the Crazy:B shenanigans weren’t really Himeru’s fault, so… He was one in five? Unless you counted the time he thought Rinne got arrested. But who could blame him? Rinne Amagi was a very arrestedable man.
“Himeru should be off now.” Himeru straightens quickly, in the standing up way, not in the homie-sexual way, getting to his feet. He dusts himself off, taking a deep breath as he smooths his collar. Rinne rolls his eyes, apparently over his squabble with Kohaku. He also stands up, reaching over to flick Himeru in the forehead. Himeru scowls at him, “What?”
“Ya look happy, Merumeru.” Rinne smiles a shit-eating smile that looked too genuine for Himeru’s liking. “And ya look like a homie-sexual.”
Himeru huffs, shouldering by him, “Himeru has no idea what you mean by that so Himeru will see you tonight, Amagi. Please refrain from anything illegal until at least Himeru gets back.”
“No promises!”
Kohaku waves, going back to his phone, sitting out of Rinne’s reach this time. Maybe he was also being a homie-sexual, texting Aira. Seriously, what was with Alkaloid and Crazy:B members? Maybe Himeru should try and help Kohaku land a date with his Love-han–
Himeru pauses. Maybe he wasn’t the ideal matchmaker.
“Don’t forget to bring me any leftovers!” Nikki calls, then yelps when Rinne wacks him. “ Ack, Rinne-kun, don’t hit me! This is domestic abuse!”
“Then don’t be such a fatass! And it’s not domestic till ya marry me!”
“Rinne-kun, we can’t–”
Himeru closes the door behind him as the sound of bickering escalates. Himeru could hardly believe how far he’s come in just the span of a few thousand words. He went from a homie-sexual to… Okay. Maybe he didn’t grow all that much considering he had wanted to straighten himself out in a homie-sexual-way and not a standing-up-way and here he was, on his way to yet another date with Tatsumi Kazehaya. But as he walks down the hall, Himeru finds himself content. Maybe being a homie-sexual wasn’t so bad afterall.
Himeru cracks a faint smile. Yeah. This was going to be a good date. A perfectly normal one. And nothing bad would happen whatsoever.