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It was a day like any other day in the USA. The specific part of the Tri-State Area was once again slightly bothered by the “fight” between the not-that-secretive agent from the OWCA Perry the Platypus against the “villain” Doofenshmirtz.
Unknown to them, their fights were often re-transmitted on the American hero network, so all American heroes could appreciate the various hi-jinks their fights brought. Even Star and Stripe often made sure to free some time to watch the TV when that happened. Woes for the villains who thought trying to interrupt her fun time was a good idea.
Except, this time, something different happened.
—--------
In the bustling streets of Danville, chaos ensued as Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz's latest invention malfunctioned, sending sparks flying and causing a massive explosion. Perry the Platypus, the semi-aquatic secret agent, sprang into action, leaping through the debris to confront his nemesis.
Doofenshmirtz, wearing his distinctive lab coat and evil scientist goggles, cackled with delight. "Ah, Perry the Platypus! Just in time to witness my ultimate - oof!" His triumphant speech was abruptly interrupted as Perry lunged at him, engaging in a fast-paced hand-to-hand combat.
Their fight took them on a wild chase through the streets, leaping over cars and swinging from lampposts. Doofenshmirtz's contraptions malfunctioned left and right, causing chaos all around them, while Perry deftly dodged each of his adversary's clumsy attacks.
“How rude, Perry the Platypus! I was going to unveil… THE BLOODINATOR! IT ALLOWS ME TO PRODUCE BLOOD OF ANY BLOOD TYPE ON THE PLANET!” Doofenshmirtz said, cackling madly and some thunder echoing despite the absolute sunny day outside. “With it, I SHALL FLOOD EVERY HOTEL IN THE TRI-STATE AREA AND EVERYONE WILL BE FORCED TO LODGE IN MINE! ALLOWING ME TO MAKE MONEY!”
Perry… Was once again dumbfounded by the absolute idiocy and genius of the man in front of him. How could someone be that dumb and genius at the same time?! This kind of invention could easily change the whole medical field and he was using it for… Petty crime. Seriously, that was probably the most infuriating thing with Doof.
So, the Platypus decided it was time to go home and jumped to high-kick in the chin the mad genius/idiot scientist.
Except, for once, the hit didn’t land. Mainly because Doof fell, his feet entangled inside some power cable. As a result, a very confused Perry just flew and hit the button of one of the various “Inator” laying around in the lab.
Doof grumbled in pain and noticing the familiar noise, wondered which of his contraptions activated before panicking.
“No, not the Activate-The-Plotinator! I don’t even know what it does!”
The fact Doof was legitimately scared made Perry worry, especially as the engine began to glow in a strange light…
Before exploding.
—------------------
Doof and Perry suddenly fell on the floor. A wooden floor. The villain got back on his feet, making his back crack.
“For God’s sake Perry! You should know better than jump randomly in my lab by now!”
Perry gave him a look explaining perfectly what he thought of Doof keeping inventions in his lab, ready to activate and that he didn’t know what they did.
Both nemesis were ready to argue when suddenly, they heard someone yelling in japanese.
Surprisingly, both of them knew how to speak japanese. Perry because he was an awesome secret agent and Doof because the quirked ocelots that raised him knew how to speak Japanese and taught him.
Sometimes, a traumatic backstory was useful.
“DEMONS! WE TOLD YOU, FREAK, TO NOT SPEAK ABOUT YOUR QUIRK!”
“But, daddy!” Doof’s parental blood froze when he heared the young girl’s voice.
“No but, demon!” This voice was feminine and clearly showed to both of them what the mom thought of their daughter.
Then they heard a powerful slap being administered to the young kid. Doof pulled out one of his guns from his lab coat, a cold look in his eyes.
He was a mad scientist bent on conquering the tri-state area.
He also had a daughter slightly older than this young lady being beaten. Because both of them could hear it, the beating continued despite the kid pleading.
“Perry? I know this is a weird thing to ask but could you look away from what I am about to do?”
Perry was already with a baseball bat, found somewhere and looked puzzled at his nemesis/friend. Doof seemed almost apologetic when he explained his reasoning.
“Well, it’s not like you can kidnap a kid. However, I can.” Doof pointed correctly and Perry… Well… He knew Vanessa.
Doof was, surprisingly, an excellent father and Perry’s conscience was currently torn up by the devil inside him telling him to bash the young girl’s parents himself and take her to the social service and the angel telling him to let Doof do the work.
Then Himiko Toga cried a bit more. Perry adjusted his fedora.
—-------
Meanwhile in America.
On the Hero Network Chat
AllMerica: … Do we agree to let him do that?
Celebrity: I am already forging papers for Doof. I have a daughter too and I am l i v i d.
Crawler: … I am half wondering how fast I can get to their position to give them a hand.
—----------
Kusami and her husband Akumoya Toga were complex people. Mainly because the Toga bloodline family dated from the Dawn of Quirk, when it was unclouded by political correctness and progressive thinking! Their forefathers correctly guessed what would bring the downfall of the glorious Japan ! Mutants. Mutants who desecrated the holy body of mankind by being nothing more than beast wearing human skin.
As a result, the Toga bloodline was one of the oldest founding bloodlines of the Creature Rejection Clan, still funneling funds in the group so it could continue to PURIFY the country. One day, the sheeps would awaken and realize the CRC was right all along!
“But you? Because of you, we sired a demon! A mutant! A mon…”
“Ok, shut your trap you crazy lady!” Doofensmirtz said in perfect Japanese before firing his prototype gun which turned the lady into a sheep. “Oh right, this was my Sheepinator! I wondered where I put it!” The scientist said pleasantly surprised, while the sheep made more pleasant and smarter sounds than when she was human.
Her husband tried to attack the villain who broke into their house when he heard something making a strange noise.
It was a Platypus with a baseball.
“That’s weird, usually they don’t do much.” Akumoya said, stopped by the weirdness of the situation.
“Oh, it’s a platypus with a baseball bat to break y’ar kneecaps” Doof added, cluelessly. Perry rolled eyes and put on his fedora again. “IT’S PERRY THE PLATYPUS WITH A BASEBALL BAT TO BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS!” Heinz yelled, and Perry wondered if Heinz wasn't just pranking him sometimes.
What ensued then was Perry showing Doof why he should be happy the Dr is classified as a negative S class Villain.
Yes, Doof was officially classified as a Villain so ineffective he was downright beneficial to the area.
—--------
Meanwhile in America.
On the Hero Network Chat
AllMerica: I am already contacting Nedzu to make sure he doesn’t get in trouble.
Celebrity: Thank god this isn’t a kid show.
Crawler: On a side note, the kids decided to make a Tardis this time, to honor Ferb’s legacy.
Shield: … I am sorry, they are making WHAT
AllMerica: I think the kids broke Shield. Again.
—--------
Very soon after that, Doofenshmirtz was with a badly hurt young blond lady. There was also a very badly hurt sheep and a man but honestly, they weren’t important.
“Oh poor young lady… Let me check up on you.” Doof said, adopting his dad voice to reassure the scared and shocked young lady.
“**Platypus stare.**” Perry was pretty sure Doofenshmirtz wasn't that kind of doctor.
“Of course I know I am not a doctor in child biology, Perry, I am not an idiot!” Doofenshmirtz said, before pulling out an old invention from his coat. One of the few he always had on him and maintained religiously. “That’s why I have a Check-up-on-childreninator.”
He built it for Vanessa, so he could always see if she was truly sick or not. He was maybe a bad evil scientist but Doof was proud to say he was a good dad.
Perry actually nodded as Doof used his strange scanner on Toga and reading the result.
“This child has a minor heteromorph quirk with a strong emitter quirk. The second affected its mutation and she requires regular intakes of blood.”
“**Platypus serious stare.**”
“... Yes, you are right. My conquest of the Tri-state Area can wait. The Bloodinator will be way more useful for people like her.” Doof nodded, before pulling out another gun from his lab coat.
Perry growled and Doof’s indignation was very vocal. “Perry the platypus! You should know my inventions are less dangerous than guns! And I am american! So, this one is the Back-hominator.”
Perry raised an eyebrow and Doof shrugged.
“How the hell do you think I got back to the city with the number of times you left me stranded on a deserted Island? Anyway, let’s kidnap this girl back home. She deserves to be safe.”
—----------
When Charlene arrived with Vanessa to see her ex-husband, she expected him to be working on a strange contraption again or/and fight against his platypus friend.
None of them were expecting to see Doofensmirtz caring for a girl, with many band-aids and letting her drink a chocolate which smells weirdly oddly metallic.
“... Heinz?” Charlene asked, curious and non judgemental. She knew her husband and knew he wasn’t responsible for the young girl’s wounds. The fact Perry was there to assist him was also a good indicator.
“Charlene! Oh right, it’s already my time with Vanessa! Herm.” Heinz coughed and patted Himiko on the head, letting her sip her blood laced chocolate. Apparently her parents ingrained her that drinking blood was the worst thing to do in every circumstance, so he had to trick her with hot chocolate.
“So… Who is this kid?” Vanessa asked, curiously joining Himiko who was a bit scared and tried to hide behind Perry. “She is cute! Is she my new little sister ?!”
“She is Himiko Toga and well… Maybe? I kind of kidnapped her…” Heinz explained and Charlene gave him the stare meaning he better had a very solid explanation if he didn’t want trouble with her.
Perry meanwhile, was reassuring Himiko while chuckling like a platypus.
“HEiiiiiiinz….”
“FOR A GOOD REASON! Her parents were… Hurting her.” Doof looked dejected while saying that. Charlene knew her husband's traumatic childhood and knew that parents who didn’t do the best for their children was one of his few real berserk buttons.
Perry nodded to confirm Heinz’s story and it reassured Charlene a lot. The Platypus could be trusted after all. He was the only sane friend Heinz had.
“Ok. So, now the issue is… What are you going to do with her?”
As on cue, the wall of the building exploded, letting the light shine and a hero silhouette appeared in it.
Star and Stripe had arrived with some papers. The muscular woman walked with power and assurance toward Doof and gave him the documents.
“There. She is now Himiko Doofensmirtz. We will check on her sometimes.”
“...What.” Everyone said at the same time, wondering why and how the hell the #1 American hero was there.
“The OWCA let us watch Agent P’s adventure very often. By the way, Agent N says hello, P. He is currently forming a new agent for the Japanese branch of the OWCA. She is named Agent R. With Agent O, they hope to improve heteromorph standing in Japan. It’s clearly needed for people like this little girl.” Star said, while Himiko was wondering what the hell was going on… But noted one thing.
“I… Don’t have to go back home?” Himiko asked shyly to the big muscular lady. She knew english because Doofenshmirtz had a Translantanitor in the room.
“See the mister with a huge nose?” Star and Stripes said, pointing the less threatening super villain in the world.
“HEY!”
“Yes! He is very kind! He is the nicest in the world!” Himiko said with a little sickly smile.
The comment made Heinz blush and Vanessa quickly hugged her new sister.
“She is a keeper.” Vanessa said and decided to protect the cute little one as if she was her blood sister.
“Well, we made Heinz your new guardian. You are living with him now.”
“... Wait, Star and Stripes knows about me?! I AM ACTUALLY FAMOUS AS A SUPER-VILLAIN, MOUAHAHAHAHAH!”
Outside, thunder echoed despite the extremely sunny day. Heinz sighed, before deactivating the sound system.
“... This is not an inator?” Star asked, actually curious this was so mundane for once.
“An Inator to make thunder fall during a sunny day? This is impossible. You should keep your ideas in the realm of what is physically possible.” Heinz said while rolling his eyes.
Except Himiko who didn’t know the man yet, everyone looked at him pointedly, as he broke reality laws on a daily basis. They all knew so.
—---------
Later this week.
A shy Himiko was introduced in her new class in the USA.
“Everyone, please welcome our new student, Himiko Doofensmirtz. Himiko, say hello to your new friends!”
“H… Hi?” Himiko said extremely shyly and a certain ginger haired kid with a pointy nose poked his brother.
“Ferb? I know what we are going to do today. Make a new friend!”
—---------
Many years later.
“It’s over Perry the Platypus! I have the high ground now!” Doofenshmirtz while wielding a laser sword above Perry who also had one. Funnily enough, they weren’t plasma swords. As a result, except for illuminating people, they were pretty much harmless.
Perry rolled his eyes and did a double jump to high kick his nemesis’ chin.
However, exactly at that moment, the lab’s door opened and Himiko appeared in its frame.
“Dad! I got accepted into UA’s support course!” Himiko said, practically beaming and interrupting their fight. Doof, in fact, dodged the hit by mistake.
“I am so proud of you, darling !” Doofenshmirtz had priorities after all, and his daughters were his first.
“Charlene and Vanessa are inviting me for a cake at Charlene’s home so…”
“Yes, no issue with that, have fun!” Doof said with a smile before noticing a light behind him and giving a disappointed look at Perry who was coughing as he hit a certain machine again.
“... The Activate-The-Plotinator, again? Really?”
Before the platypus could say anything, the machine exploded, engulfing Perry and Doof again.
Himiko looked at the scene and shrugged. She knew her dad. It was nothing out of the ordinary and he would be fine, most likely.
—--------
Doof and Perry reappeared in what looked like a basement and their first vision was a man with a black death doctor mask on his face looking ready to touch a small white haired little girl who was clearly not agreeing with the situation.
The fact she was wearing only a white sheet wasn't something both newcomers liked.
“... Perry? Our swords have a plasma setting. Turn the crystal to the left.” Doof said, while doing so himself. The Lighsaber actually turned ominously red.
“Wait, no! I am not molesting this girl!” Chisaki said, as he knew what it looked like. “I am just going to use her blood to make some bullets to disable quirk., so I was going to make her explode before remaking her !”
Perry pulled out the baseball ball while Doof went so far past anger he became calm and serious. Which was actually scary, as it was probably one of the most dangerous force in the universe.
“And you do that often?” Doof asked, with a fake nice voice.
“Three times per day, why?” Overhaul said, recognizing a fellow scientific.
“Luckily, I have a thing to deactivate quirk. I call it the Quirk-deactivationinator. That's faster and more efficient” Doof said while pulling the device.
“That’s a dumb name.” Chisaki said, although he was interested in the effect as Doof activated the contraption.
“Yep. But now, you have no quirk, no friends and I am extremely angry.” Doofensmirtz said, looking a bit like his cousin in Japan who had a huge villainous organization. "Also, the platypus is really good at breaking kneecaps."
"Wait, wha... AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
What happens then is censored. It is family friendly.
—--------
Meanwhile in America.
On the Hero Network Chat
AllMerica: … Clearly, this masked person threatened first Doof and Agent P, right?
Celebrity: Definitely.
Crawler: Is that still murder if we don’t report it ?
—----------
So, Doofensmirtz and Perry walked outside the Yakuza base, Eri sleeping in Doof’s arms. In front of them, Miruko and Orca were readying themselves for an attack and looked surprised to see them.
“... Miruko and Orca?” Doof asked, a bit curious.
Both mutants rolled their eyes and put fedoras.
“MIRUKO AND ORCA THE SECRET AGENTS?!”
All three members of the OWCA looked at the man, confounded how someone could be that smart and dumb at the same time.
“... Agent P; Agent O and myself were getting ready to apprehend the Yakuzas inside. Why are you here?” Agent R the Rumi said, while Agent O the Orca nodded his head.
Oh god. More paperwork. The only ennemy Perry feared.
“Well, believe it or not, but if I had a nickel each time I got teleported in Japan by mistake and got a daughter as a result, I would have two nickels.”
Perry nodded, confirming Doof’s sentence. The two top heroes looked puzzled while Eri was hugging her new dad.
“Which isn’t much but weird it happened.” He smiled as he hugged his new daughter. “But also very very good.”