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Flags and Disney and Cookies, Oh My!

Summary:

An rp-based crack fic.

Started out as a game of capture the flag and went... we don't know where. In chatroom style writing.

One profanity (and one foreign profanity).

Notes:

Thanks to my lovely co-writers/rpers

Find our tumblrs here -
Loki: theenduringstoryteller.tumblr.com
Steve: adorable-cinnamon-roll.tumblr.com
Pietro (me): feathertailsilverstripe.tumblr.com

Love you both!

Rules of the game - you're hit, you stay down for 30 seconds and if you're hit 5 times, you're dead.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Pietro: This isn't fair.
Loki: Mortals, prepare to be defeated!
Pietro: Shut it, Lokes.
This is not a fair match.
Loki: Ehehehehe. No.
Why?
Pietro: Because you're a God, and Steve is like ...
Pure muscle.
Loki: I really am a god aren't I?
Pietro: -_- no shit
Loki: EHEHEHEHE.
Pietro: So, where is said pure muscle?
Loki: The man out of time is awfully quiet. I'm worried. Slightly.
Pietro: BUCKY BARNES SUCKS
Loki: What was that!
Pietro: Me, shouting.
Oh there he is
Loki: THERE HE IS!!
Pietro: It was Loki's idea.
Steve: You're both GOING DOWN
Pietro: Nu uh
Loki: Ehehehehe
You will never be able to find me!
Pietro: Prepare to be painted.
I see you.
Loki: No!!!
Pietro: And I just splatter your ASS, Lokes!
*splatted
Loki: Damn
Pietro: Ehehehe
You didn't see that coming?
Loki: That is MY line!!!
You will pay for your mockery!
Pietro: Down, boy.
Loki: Unless... you'd rather gang up on the soldier.
Pietro: You have to stay down for 30 seconds before I can paint you again.
Steve: You both are going down
How dare you
Loki: *lays down and sighs*
Pietro: ... I wasn't going to say yes, Steen.
*Steeb
You don't need to give us a running commentary, Lokesy.
Loki: *reads book*
Pietro: -_-
Loki: Yes I do. I'm dramatic
Annnnd. I'm gone!
Pietro: DANGIY
*DANGIT
Steve: I can see you Pietro
Pietro: Nuuuuuuuu you cannnnnt
Splaaaaaaat
Steve: Haha
Loki: ............. Soldier. Turn around.
Steve: World war champ
Loki: SPLAT
Steve: Augh
Pietro: Splatted ya agaiiiin, Lokes!
Steve: I'm hit
Running for cover
Loki: Nooooo!!!!!!
I'm gone.
Pietro: Yusssssss
Don't give away your cover especially when we're in the same area xD
Robin Hood and Little John, running through the forest...
Loki: I think I saw silver....
EHEHEHEHEHE
Pietro: Nuuuuu
Loki: Stay down mortal!
Pietro: Sod off Lokes
Let me sing Disney songs in peace :'(
Loki: So, whomever gets the flag conquers Midgard correct?
Pietro: No, they win the game
Loki: What.
Steve: on your left
SPLAT X2
Loki: NOOO
Another thirty seconds. *sighs*
Pietro: Cap
Steve: Yeah..?
Pietro: Look up
Loki: Now that song is stuck in my head...
Pietro: SPLAAAAATTTTT
Which song?
Loki: Robin hood and little john....
Pietro: Ehehehehe
Loki: That is my laugh you are commandeering!
Pietro: You didnt see that coming, did you?
Steve: Oh stop
Loki: No.
But I do see the flag.
Pietro: Zhopa!
Hey, Lokes.
Loki: No.
Busy running.
Pietro: You should stop humming.
Steve: Haha
Pietro: Splut
... Cap?
Loki: Splut?
Pietro: More of an onomatopoeia.
Loki: Ah.
Soldier!
Steve: Aah
Pietro: FLAGFLAGFLAGFLAGFLAGFLAGFLAG
Loki: ...... ((keeps running))
Steve: I don't think so
SPLAT SPLAT
Pietro: LOKI STOP WITH THE COMMENTARY
STEEEEEEEB
:(
Loki: I do what I want silver.
Pietro: Two at once isn't fair!
Shut your trap Reindeer Games
Loki: Make me.
Pietro: SPLAT
Steve: Flag is mine!
Loki: Oh wait...
Pietro: Nuuuuuuuu
Loki: No way!!
Bucky barnes is a mewling quim!
Pietro: SPLAAAAT
Hah
SPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLAT
Steve: HEY
ILL END YOU
DONT YOU DARE
Loki: Either chase me or the flag soldier!
Steve: TAKE THE NAME OF BUCKY IN VAIN
Pietro: Hey, guys?
Loki: What?
Steve: Yeah?
Pietro: Looking for something?
SPLAT SPLAT
I have the flag
You two were squabbling like babies
It was so easy
Steve: You're mean
Loki: *plots revenge*
Pietro: II won
*I
Loki: I'm eating your cookies when I get home.
Pietro: NO! STEEB, TELL HIM!
I WON FAIR AND SQUARE!
Steve: you both made fun of my attachment
Pietro: DID NOT
Steve: Hmph!
Pietro: You love me really, Steve
I'll give you a cookie
Loki: I'm sorry.
Pietro: No, you just want my cookies
Loki: Not true!
I really am sorry! My mortal will tell you!
Steve: I love you both
Pietro: True
Steve: We can all bake cookies
Loki: Yay!
Pietro: Your mortal?
Hmph.
Loki: Yes. She takes care of me.
Steve: That's sweet
What is her name?
Pietro: You mean you have a nursemaid?
Loki: I don't know what that is!
Her name is Jacqueline.
Pietro: A nanny
Another mother
Loki: No, she is my mortal.
Pietro: Does she tuck you up at night?
Loki: I used to call her my pet but she... didn't like that.
NO!!!
Pietro: Rather possessive, Lokes.
Does she kiss you good night?
Loki: No....
Pietro: You sure?
Ehehehe
Loki: Yes!
Pietro: :P
So, she's shown you Disney, eh?
Loki: Yes. Unfortunately.
Pietro: Aww, Disney is fun.
Wanda likes it.
Steve: That's cute
Pietro: Yes.
Loki: Lilo and Stitch was quite sad.
It's depressing!
Though I did like Scar from The Lion King.
Pietro: You would.
Loki: It was a shame he didn't rule as he should have.
Steve: That sounds nice
Pietro: No spoilers for Lilo and Stitch...
Steve, Scar's the bad guy.
Steve: No, I mean.. That someone's taking care of you
Pietro: I liked Mufasa.
Oh.
Steve: Simba was my favorite
Loki: He is not!
Delayed reply
Pietro: He is so the bad guy, he kills his brother!
Loki: ...........
My mortal would tell me that is bad but I disagree. He is simply going after what he desires.
And thank you soldier.
Steve: ^^
Pietro: ...
Gaston?
Steve: Ahah I don't understand
Loki: What about Gaston?
Pietro: The baddie, sorry, the guy going after what he wants in Beauty and the Beast.
Loki: Oh! I didn't like him.
Pietro: Do you like him?
Loki: I did like belle though she reminded me of... nevermind.
Pietro: (Delay)
Who?
Steve: Hm?
Loki: Nope
Carry on.
What characters do you like?
Steve: Me..?
Loki: No not you!
Pietro: I liked Robin and the little rabbit from Robin Hood. Marian reminded me of Wanda... she is a romantic too.
I like Peter Pan, too.
Loki: Me too.
Steve: :(
Pietro: I would have thought you would have liked Hook.
Captain?
Loki: I am sorry solider, but you do not remind me of a french woman.
I have one at home.
I prefer peter because he causes mischief like me.
Steve: I meant.. If you were asking me
What characters I like
Loki: Oh! Yes you!! Sorry.
Pietro: Who does Belle remind you of?
Steve: ,u ^ u
Loki: ..... Steve still has to answer his question.
*nervous sweats*
Pietro: Tell us, asgardian.
Steve: your answers are more important than mine
Pietro: Yup
Loki: No! My answer would be stupid and sentimental. It is not worth saying.
Pietro: You heard me about Wanda. Tis only fair.
Steve: You agreed??
Aah I was trying to be overdramatic
Because I haven't answered anything
Humph
Pietro: ...
Loki: Hawkward
Pietro: xD
Loki: So. Steve, what is your favorite disney character?
Pietro: Nooooo, you answer first.
Loki: She reminded me of my mortal at home. There. I said it. Happy?
Pietro: I am satisfied.
Loki: Just don't tell her.
Pietro: I will not intentionally.
Loki: Because I have an image to keep up.
Pietro: Of course.
Do you like Barbie?
Loki: Who is this mortal?
Pietro: Look it up.
Loki: I do not like her
Steve: Mm
Pietro: XD
Garfield.
Loki: The fat cat? No.
Pietro: Is there anything you do?
Loki: Yes of course.
Pietro: For example...
Loki: I like... dark chocolate.
Pietro: Ooh.
Loki: And cookies!
Pietro: I am aware of that
Loki: And stories. My mortal tells good ones. Much better then that glowing box.
Steve: do you care what I like?
Loki: I do solider.
Pietro: You are pretty easy to please.
Steve: I won't tell unless I am
Asked
Pietro: You are Asked.
Steve: I like apple pie
And warm blankets
Loki: A moody fellow isn't he?
Steve: Hmph!
Pietro: I favour warm blankets over cold.
Steve: I'm not answering any more
*huffs
Loki: Do you have any weaknesses soldier?
Pietro: :(
Loki...
Loki: What?!
I'm curious.
Pietro: Curiosity killed your cat
Loki: I don't own a cat.
Pietro: Exactly. It's a dead cat.
Steve: Why should I admit my weaknesses?
Loki: You were the one who wanted to be asked.
Ehehehe...
Steve: I'm often alone so I sometimes enjoy attention
*stares into the distance
Loki: If you want attention you must demand it. Speak first and regret later. That's what I do.
Pietro: Don't be mean, Lokes.
Loki: I am not mean I'm trying to help!
Pietro: -_-
Steve: That seems impractical
Loki: *sighs* My mortal wants me to say hi to Steve for her.
Pietro: o.o
:(
Steve: Hi..
That's nice of her
Loki: Oh, and she wants to say hi to Pietro.
Pietro: Hello ;)
Loki: Don't wink at her!
Pietro: Nuuu it was :) I'm not creepy I swear
Loki: ...... *looks suspicious*
Pietro: :D
Steve: *whines*
Pietro: There there, Steve.
Loki: My mortal would like to know if you would all like to come over for a.... "slumber party" tomorrow.
Steve: A party? For sleeping?
Pietro: ?!
Loki: It apparently is meant to play games and make cookies and build forts. Or so I am told.
I have no choice in the matter. She is giving me big sad eyes.
Please say yes.
Pietro: I am in for the cookies
Are you a 'sucker' for puppy eyes, then, Loki?
Loki: Great. Thank you. Steve?
No!!!!
Pietro: Oh really.
Loki: I just don't like it when she cries!
Steve: Alright, I'll try it!
Loki: Great! Thank you.
Pietro: That is being a sucker.
Loki: *sighs* But I'm not like that with everyone!
Pietro: There are different kinds of puppy eyes. There are Wanda eyes, which you always fall for. And then there are Stark eyes. Which you never fall for.
Steve: Hah
I dunno..
Sometimes tony is cute
Pietro: Captain...
Loki: I would never give anything to Stark. Big eyes or no.
Pietro: Exactly.
Loki: But nor would I give the Scarlett Witch anything either.
Pietro: Laufeyson!
Loki: What did you expect?
Pietro: You to be civil about my sister in my presence.
Loki: I wouldn't give any of you anything for big eyes. Life and death circumstances only.
Pietro: I would watch your cookie supply, Laufeyson.
Steve: You gave Thor big eyes..
Loki: When did I do that?
And you will never find my secret stash Pietro.
Pietro: Found it, eaten it, replaced it with shop bought rather than Steve's.
Loki: Steve's? You know I eat nothing made by him! I only eat cookies made from Asgard.
A.k.a my mortals home.
Pietro: Steve has the recipe.
Loki: He does not!!
Pietro: Does too
Loki: Does not!
Pietro: DOES TOO
Loki: DOES NOT MULTIPLIED 10000009099X'S WHATEVER YOU SAY!!
Steve!!!!
Pietro: DOES TOO TIMES INFINITY PADLOCK
Loki: SOLDIER!!! TELL US THE TRUTH!!!
My mortal would never give him her recipe. *folds arms*
Steve: I do,
Pietro: BUCKY stole it
Steve: HEY
Leave Bucks out of this
Pietro: With help from Nat and Clint
And me
Steve: I have friends in high places
Loki: I WILL DESTROY EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!!!
Pietro: XD
Steve: Come at me
Pietro: Nice try
Steve: Fite me irl
Pietro: We are the Avengers
And we are epic.
Loki: Done.
Meet me in the ally in three hours.
Steve: *potentially regretting this
Pietro: I'll be there, as will the others.
Loki: No one. Not anyone can harm my mortal do you understand! I want her recipe back now!!!
Pietro: Well if no one is there then there is no one to get the recipe off
Steve: But I have it memorized
Pietro: Zactly
Loki: Why would you do this to us?!
You thieves!!
Steve: I'm not a thief!
Loki: Pietro said you all stole her recipe!
Pietro: Did not
Loki: And I quote: "BUCKY stole it with help from Nat and Clint and me"
Thieves. And Steve agreed to it!
Pietro: Not all
Steve: No! No!!
I'm not!!
Loki: Prove your innocence Rogers.
Pietro: It was a birthday present...
From us
Steve: I've never stolen anything in my life!
Who even said it was stolen aside from you?
Pietro: True
Loki: Pietro did!!
Scroll up!
Pietro: Pietro is half dead
Steve: No Pietro
Don't die!
Pietro: Half dead, not fully dead
Loki: *scowls* You will all pay for this. I will avenge her!
Steve: I meant no disrespect
Pietro: You're not an Avenger
I did
Loki: I am now.
Steve: I'm the captain
Only if I say so
Pietro: Ha
Loki: If you give back the recipe Steve, I will forgive your ignorance.
And I also will not tell my mortal what your team has done.
Steve: Well.. Maybe she won't even be angry
Loki: That's just it. She doesn't get angry. She cries. I have to be angry for her.
Please, just give it back!
Steve: Maybe we can apologize??
I don't want her to cry
Loki: Yes. Do that! Tomorrow when you come over bring the recipe and explain yourself. She is a forgiving girl...
She has to be to be with me.
Steve: Alright..
I don't understand why the recipe has to be secret
Loki: She made the recipe for me especially. *grins*
Steve: *whispers* you guys like eachother
Loki: *blushes bright red.* She doesn't completely annoy me so yes I suppose I don't dislike her.
Steve: Awwwwww
That's adorable
Loki: It is not!!!
Steve: Mhmm!
Loki: No it isn't she is my mortal and nothing more. I barely like her!
Steve: What if I told her you said that?
Loki: Don't. You. Dare.
Steve: 0 w 0
Pietro: Can I dare?
Loki: No!!!
Pietro: :(
Loki: *breathes a sigh of relief* Okay, so everything will be worked out tomorrow right Steve?
Steve: Yes, I promise !
Loki: Okay, thank you.
Steve: You're very welcome
Loki: *phew* So what do you mortals do... usually. When you aren't stealing recipes?
Pietro: Sleep
Steve: Train the team
Loki: Hmm. Like, for fun?
Pietro: And sleep.
Loki: And.. sleep. How amusing.
Steve: Mm
Sleep is nice
Pietro: Nice.

Notes:

Zhopa, a word Pietro uses, means 'ass'. :)

Series this work belongs to: