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The door of Adam’s apartment slammed, jolting Adam from where he sat on the couch watching a documentary on eclipses. It was one that he had seen before and didn’t have nearly the interest as he did with other aspects of space, but it was new and held his attention. The stress ball he held in his hands with the hue of Venus slipped from his fingers and rolled towards the wall, his neck craned to the side as he heard the familiar Romanian muttering of the man that he had asked to move in with him just a couple weeks ago. They had known each other for almost four months before that, though taking the next step in sharing his space with him all the time was a lot.
“Fucking prick,” the man in question muttered, jacket ripped from his shoulders as he hung it open on the hook by the door.
“Nigel?” Adam picked up the remote and paused the documentary before leaping to his feet and shuffling down the hallway. His hands curled towards his chest as he crept closer, apprehension tingling in every fiber of his body.
Nigel gave a final swear as he kicked his shoes off, pausing a moment later and returning to line them up just as the rest of their shoes were. His hands raised as he brushed them on either sides of his face, hair pushed back a moment later as he gave a wretched sniffle. It only took one more step for him to catch sight of Adam watching him, eyes wide like a deer caught in a headlights.
“Sorry I’m late, gorgeous,” Nigel apologized, earlier agitation disappearing. “Got caught in a meeting with Darko and some fucking contacts. Bastards didn’t know what they sighed up for and now they want out. That’s not how this fucking game works!”
Adam winced. Ordinarily it would be because Nigel was talking loudly and he didn’t like when Nigel talked loudly. However, this time it was due to the catch that he heard in Nigel’s voice. He was still Nigel, same tone and pitch, but something else was off. He seemed throatier, like each word that he spoke was painful. His consonants were softer too when he spoke, the edges of his words thickened by his accent, which made it harder for Adam to understand what he was saying. These things were easy for him to pick up as they had nothing to do with social cues and just observations of something that he prided himself on being fairly knowledgeable in: Nigel.
“You sound different,” Adam broke in, heels lifted as he began to rock.
Nigel huffed out a laugh and swiped the back of his hand under his nose. “Fucking observant little angel, aren’t ya? I don’t care what anyone says; you notice shit.”
Adam’s brow furrowed, lip curled in distain for Nigel’s comment. “My diagnosis doesn’t limit my perception of things around me. Social cues are what I struggle with, and you’re not doing anything differently when communicating with me. You just sound different and I notice different.”
Nigel watched as Adam clutched his hands together into tight fists and kept them at his side. He knew how Adam didn’t appreciate having to explain himself, always feeling like he was saying the wrong thing or would be misunderstood by those around him. Nigel knew this and knew when Adam felt he might be incorrect in his observations and how that would impact him. If he continued to head down this path, Adam may spiral.
“Shit, darling.” Nigel took a hesitant step closer to Adam, though still kept his distance. Adam frowned at this and it only caused him to rock more. “Think I just picked up a virus or something. Nothing that you need to worry about. It’s probably what’s making me sound weird.”
At the mention of sickness, Adam immediately gave a whole body shudder. His hands came up to his chest and gave a few violent flaps, right hand almost knocking himself in the chin. “S-Sick.”
“Just a cold, Star. Nothing serious.”
Adam wrapped his arms around himself to stop his flapping, tongue wetting his bottom lip as it swiped out from behind his teeth. “Sick. Sick. Sick. Just a cold. Just a cold.”
Nigel grew worried about Adam’s state. Normally when Adam started to repeat words or phrases like this over and over again, voice cracking at the end in discomfort, it was never a good sign. Nigel had become quite talented at calming him down when this happened, although he guessed whatever he did now may have little to no effect.
“Fuck! I wasn’t thinking. I should go. Don’t want you to catch this.”
Nigel turned to walk back to the door, hoping to leave rather quickly so that he could light a cigarette as soon as possible. While not being the best thing to do with a chest cold, he needed to think about the state of his and Adam’s relationship and the stress he had put his beautiful star through just because he had wanted to come back to the apartment and seek comfort from him. He hadn’t even considered Adam’s germaphobia.
“Wait! Nigel!”
Nigel gave a slow turn only to be met with the full force of Adam Raki practically launching himself at him. His head buried in Nigel’s chest as he wrapped his arms around his middle and held him close, body trembling as he latched onto Nigel for dear life. At first Nigel kept his arms up and away from Adam until he realized what he did. His arms lowered to loosely hang around Adam’s shoulders, giving him the opportunity to break free anytime he needed to.
“Don’t go,” Adam cried against his chest. “I-I-I don’t want you to leave! I don’t want you to be sick and miserable. I know I don’t like being sick and usually I like to be alone when I’m sick, but that was before I met you and it was just my Dad. I don’t know what to do when someone else is sick. I just know what I like and I don’t care about your germs.” He gave a brief pause. “I care a little bit but not enough to ask you to leave.”
“Okay, alright. I won’t go anywhere so long as you want me here.” Nigel patted the back of Adam’s head, thick curls light in his open palms. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, darling.”
“You don’t. I’m much more comfortable when you’re here, with me,” Adam reassured as he buried his face deeper into Nigel’s chest. He only stopped when he felt Nigel tense and the older man squirmed from his grip, practically pulling him away and tossing him to the side. Adam immediately wrapped his arms back around himself, tapping his shoulders with his opposite hand in turn. “Nigel, did I upset you?”
Nigel held up a finger in Adam’s direction before bringing up his hands to cup them over his nose and mouth. His body gave a dreadful shudder before he pitched off to the side. “HrshCHs’Shoo! Hrchs’SHoo!”
Adam jumped at the sound, hands instinctively going to his ears. While not as loud as a gunshot, not even close, it still pierced his ears and left him feeling jumpy. A whimper left his lips as he watched Nigel gear up for another, as if two forceful sneezes hadn’t been enough.
“HrcsHsSH’Shoo! HrcSHsh’Shoo!” Nigel lifted his hand from his nose and sniffed experimentally, face scrunching as the itch took hold. His head gave a soft shake until his head snapped back down towards his chest. “HrcsH’Shoo! HrchsHS’Shoo!”
This time Adam couldn’t help himself from covering his ears. He kept his hands there perhaps longer than necessary, waiting, in case there were more to follow. The sound had still been frightfully intense, and nothing he did would be bale to truly block it out.
“Ugh, fuck me,” Nigel spat as he lowered his hands from his face, nose running down his upper lip and against his stubble found there. He didn’t have time to excuse himself as he made a beeline for the bathroom without another word.
After Nigel left, Adam lowered his hands from his ears and kept them at his sides. “Nigel’s sick. Nigel’s sick. Nigel’s sick.” He repeated the phrase over and over until it had burned into his mind. Nigel was sick and he wanted to care for him.
What did sick people like?
Adam liked only having macaroni and cheese when sick as the flavors of the broccoli and chicken were completely lost on him. He doubted that Nigel would want macaroni and cheese since he didn’t really care for it when he was healthy, so making it for him when he was sick probably wouldn’t help. Sick people sometimes ate soup from the conversations he could remember having with Harlan when his father was sick. He had made him soup a few times—more like heating up canned soup on the stove, but that still counted. He could make Nigel soup.
Soup. Did he even have canned chicken noodle soup? Adam hoped so.
A quick look around the kitchen and into the pantry led him to what he was looking for. A can of chicken noodle soup was pushed back against the far right corner of the middle of the pantry, somewhere that Adam would never have checked ordinarily. He flipped the can over and read the expiration date, and once he deemed it wasn’t expired, he took a few steps back and set the soup on the counter. Adam opened a drawer and pulled out a can opener, one that Nigel had brought from his place as Adam had no need for a can opener considering he didn’t eat anything in a can. Still, he was glad that he hadn’t refused Nigel to bring it over to keep at his place.
The jaws of the can opener came to sink on the top and sides of the can as Adam turned the knob on the top. The teeth grated on the thin aluminum, and once he had made it the entire way around, the lip wretched open. Adam’s face tightened in a grimace as he leaned over the can and took in a light sniff. Gagging, he drew back and rubbed at his nose, hoping to rid his memory of the awful smell.
“Star,” Nigel croaked as he turned the corner. “What are you doing?”
Adam jumped at the sound of Nigel’s voice, his hand accidentally hitting the side of the can and nearly tipping it over. “Nigel!” Adam swallowed heavily, gaze averted so he didn’t have to look into Nigel’s eyes. “You-you should be in bed.”
“Thanks for the sentiment, darling, but I’m not that sick.” Nigel made his way forward and reached around Adam to take the soup from him. He carried it over to the stove and selected a medium sized pot that was hanging on the wall beside the stove. He poured the entire can into the pot and turned on the stove, blue flames lapping up from the burner.
“I can do it,” Adam protested.
Nigel glanced back over his shoulder as he grabbed a wooden spoon from the holder next to the stove. “I know, sweetheart. But I also know you don’t like the smell of soup, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Nigel began to stir the soup slowly, the noodles and bits of chicken flipping around in the broth.
“Oh.” Adam looked down at his hands that rubbed against his thighs, the feel of his jeans on his palms grounding. “I want to help.”
“Help?” Nigel set the spoon down lightly on the counter and turned to look at the gorgeous angel of a man in front of him. The way that his blue eyes twinkled whenever he became excited was one of the most beautiful things that Nigel had ever seen. His stims, the way he often took things literally, and his need for strict routine were all things that made Adam, Adam. He wouldn’t change that for anything. However, sometimes he wished he could ease Adam’s anxiety when it came to situations that were often outside of his control.
Adam nodded eagerly. “Yes, when someone is sick and don’t feel well they need to be taken care of. That means rest, soup, and orange juice!” Adam almost leapt in excitement as he made his way over to the fridge. He swung open the door and grabbed a small single serving bottle of orange juice he was given at the observatory for breakfast the day before. He hadn’t wanted it, but the woman that gave it to him was known for her long talks and the only way that Adam could think of avoiding that was to take what she was offering and walk away.
He brought it over to Nigel and extended it eagerly. “You should drink this.”
Nigel’s lip twisted in a smile. “Should I?”
“Yes, orange juice is high in vitamin C. It actually has twice the amount of daily vitamin C that a person needs, but you’re sick so you may need more. It also helps prevent kidney stones and it even contains potassium, and also folate, and that can help with fetal development.”
Nigel chuckled, the sound a low rumble in his throat until a cough took over, forcing him to lift his elbow and turn as far away from Adam as possible. “Shit, Star. Not sure that fetal shit is applicable to me, but the rest sounds promising.”
“You should drink it now.”
Nigel didn’t argue him as he unscrewed the lid and tipped it back against his lips. He downed the whole bottle in a matter of seconds and gave a tender smile until the coolness of the drink reacted to his sore throat. What started as a few muffled coughs through tightly closed lips soon turned violent. Nigel’s shoulders shook as he braced his arm on the counter to hold himself up as he continued to cough, the rattling echo sounding from his lungs an almost unbearable sound to Adam.
“Nigel!” Adam rushed forward and began to rub his back, just as Nigel had done for him last time he was sick. “Breathe, Nigel!”
“I’m…..trying,” Nigel panted between coughs, head tucked away from Adam.
Adam pursed his lips in frustration, jaw clenched. He took Nigel by the hand and pulled him towards the dinning room, despite his boyfriend’s meager protests. The coughing continued all the way to the dining room, even after Adam forced Nigel to sit in the nearest chair.
“Don’t move,” Adam commanded before disappearing back into the kitchen.
Nigel gave a small wave. “Couldn’t…..if…..I…..wanted……to……gorgeous.”
Each cough tore through Nigel’s body, deep and thick. He could blame it on his cold all he wanted, but his decision to smoke three cigarettes on his way to Adam’s house, when he already felt that first dreaded tickle perhaps wasn’t the best decision. Still, he wasn’t about to confess that to Adam, who had a problem enough with Nigel smoking on the regular without adding another reason for the younger man to comment on his distain for it. Nigel had promised that he would try to quit, which had left him antsy and frustrated, left to take out all his frustration on poor Adam. They had both decided that it was best for Nigel to keep smoking so long as he didn’t do it inside and always brushed his teeth or chewed some gum before he tried to give Adam a kiss. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for them.
Adam returned a minute later with a tall glass of water. He went to hand it over to the coughing man, only to pull it away at the last second.
“Adam,” Nigel hissed.
“You have to promise that you’re going to drink it slowly. If you don’t, it’ll be just like the orange juice. You have to drink it slow.”
“I’ll drink it slower than it takes the bus to fucking get from one stop to another. Now, can I have it,” Nigel practically growled, throat tightened so not to allow anymore coughs to escape. His chest was beginning to ache to match his throat, and he feared that he wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long before he doubled over with them, breathing be damned.
Adam wasn’t pleased as he handed the glass over, taking close attention on Nigel as he sipped on it slowly, just as Adam requested. It was difficult not to down it in a few gulps, his body practically screaming for the cool liquid on his burning throat. But, for Adam he did as he was told, hoping to avoid a full on lecture.
When he drank half, Adam reached out and took the glass back, fingers tapping rhythmically on the sides. Adam stayed glued to the spot, staring at something past Nigel’s head, deep in thought.
“Honey,” Nigel broke in as he raised a wrist to rub against his twitching nostrils. “Ugh, think you could get me some more tissues? My fucking nose is running.”
“Tissues? Yes.” Adam turned around and headed down the hallway, hands wrapped protectively around the glass that was now pressed against his chest. He turned the corner into the bathroom and found an entire box of tissues that had hardly ever been used. Adam found them rough on his nose and much preferred his father’s old handkerchieves, many of which were older than Adam himself. Adam had offered them to Nigel before and he had adamantly refused, claiming that tissues were more sanitary. Adam hadn’t wanted to argue and had compromised by keeping them in the bathroom if Nigel needed them.
He carried them back over to the dining room to see Nigel turned completely around, body trembling as his head bobbed down four times in quick succession. A faint squelch filled the space that made Adam shiver uncomfortably.
“Nigel,” Adam questioned.
Nigel lifted his head and reached out towards Adam, his other hand clamped over the lower half of his face as he shuddered once more. “Hghght! Hghxght! Hghxght!” Nigel blinked irritated tears from his eyes and snatched the tissue box. He deposited it on his lap as he pulled a few sheets free and forced it over his face as he blew heavily, the itch fully festering through his sinuses. “Fuck!” He blew his nose again and frowned at the deep pressure he felt high in his sinuses.
“Did you sneeze,” Adam asked as he leaned forward. “Because that doesn’t sound like one.”
“I know you hate the sound.” Nigel pressed the tissues against his nose to wipe away the residual drips. “Fucking loud and annoying, I know.”
Adam nodded in agreement. “Yes, it can be quite loud. I don’t enjoy the sound.”
“Me either, gorgeous. Think it’s thanks to all that time I spent snorting fucking cocaine.”
“Yes, there have been studies that show that excessive use of cocaine through snorting can cause damage to the sinus cavity and nasal canal. It can also cause excessive nosebleeds, sinus infections—“
“Star, can we have this discussion later?” Nigel leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, right where the pressure was at its worst.
Adam reluctantly stopped the conversation and nodded. “Okay. I’ll go check on the soup.”
Nigel smiled ruefully as he watched Adam retreat back into the kitchen. It gave him the opportunity to grab another handful of tissues and blow his much abused nose into the folds. They weren’t as soft as he remembered, though that could just be because of how often he had been swiping at his nose throughout the day. Darko had even commented on it, which was when he knew that something may have been up.
“Hrchs’Sh’Shoo! HrcSH’Sho’Shoo! Hrchs’Sh’Shoo!” Nigel couldn’t stop a groan from rolling in his throat as he pulled more tissues free and settled for wiping his nose instead of blowing. Maybe that would keep this onslaught of sneezes at bay. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Adam was probably onto something about all the cocaine use he had subjected his body to.
Nigel then leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and head tipped back. Heavy lidded eyelids finally closed, breathing short and quick so not to encourage another fit. He stayed as still as possible, ignoring the early aches that started at his joints and worked outwards. He was used to some of them considering the age that he was at and his line of work, but these were different.
The sound of a bowl being placed in front of him caused Nigel to open his eyes. Adam loomed beside him and set a spoon beside the bowl, withdrawing a moment later with hands fidgeting in front of him.
“I hope it’s okay. I followed the directions on the can precisely,” Adam reassured.
“I’m sure that you did, Star. It’ll be fucking delicious.” Nigel made a big show of dipping his spoon in the broth and bringing up a spoonful filled with chicken, noodles, and chunks of carrots. He slipped the spoon into his mouth and chewed briefly only to swallow a second later. “Mmmmm, that’s fucking amazing, Star!”
Adam’s eyes shone brightly. “Really?”
“Yeah, of course. Who knew you could be such a chef!”
Adam blushed at Nigel’s compliment, hands lifting up to his chest to give a few eager flaps. “I only heated up the soup on the stove. It’s really not cooking.”
“It sure is to me. This is going to make me feel loads better, I can just feel it.” Nigel took another couple mouthfuls. “You eating too, gorgeous?”
Adam shook his head. “I ate before you got here. Dinner was an hour and ten minutes ago and I had macaroni and cheese.”
“Ah, of course. So sorry I missed it.” Nigel sipped at the warm broth, reveling as it trailed down his throat and soothed the ache that he had been plagued with all day.
“You only missed eating your dinner. I still ate mine on time.”
Nigel chuckled. “Yes, I know, gorgeous. I only meant that I’m sorry I wasn’t there to eat with you so you didn’t have to eat alone.”
“I ate with the TV on so the voices were almost like I was eating with you.”
Nigel wasn’t sure how he felt being replaced by a space documentary on the TV, but he didn’t mention that part. Instead, he continued to eat, well aware that Adam was watching him rather intently as though waiting for something to happen. Nigel tipped his head up and made a show of rubbing at his forehead. “Star, do you have a thermometer?”
Adam thought for a moment. “I have one thermometer in the first aid kit under the sink in the bathroom. Do you need it?”
It took all of Nigel’s control not to grab Adam by the face and kiss him silly. They had been working on noticing some more social cues, especially when it came to Nigel. Sometimes he exaggerated them a bit, but he would do whatever he could to help Adam not feel inferior due to his struggles. Others in his life had just assumed incompetence where Nigel tried to the exact opposite.
“That would be lovely,” Nigel replied. “Thank you.”
Eager to be given another task to do, Adam scurried off toward the bathroom. This gave Nigel another free moment to blow his runny nose. While that sound wasn’t as loud, he could still tell that Adam despised it, and he would do anything to make sure that his star was comfortable.
Adam returned a minute later with a digital thermometer that only needed to touch the forehead to gain a reading. Adam had never liked the ones that went under his tongue and the metallic taste that it brought. The in the ear kind was better, though it still was painful when it touched the inner workings of his ear. He could recall his dad almost holding him down using that, before they found the one that simply touched the forehead to have a reading.
“Stay still.” Adam lifted the thermometer and touched Nigel’s forehead. When the small device beeped, he pulled it back and studied the numbers flashing across the small screen. “101.7.”
“Eh, not bad.” Nigel took another mouthful of soup and swallowed it down. “I’ll live.”
“Yes, but, it is still higher than normal. A regular temperature should be 98.6, though some people may fluctuate or have a different baseline temperature.” Adam looked at Nigel intently. “Do you have a different baseline temperature?”
“Geez, Star, how the fuck would I know?”
Adam winced and looked down at his hands with the thermometer still in them. He ran his finger over the long handle, chest heaving with each breath.
Nigel cursed under his breath and pushed himself back from the table. “Star, come here.”
Adam didn’t look up as he gave a tiny sniffle. Nigel could see that he was a moments away from panicking, and his heart ached in his chest that he was the one to cause it.
“Adam, please?” Nigel almost never said please. That was another thing that had changed the moment that he met Adam. While still not what one would call ‘polite’ he did make an effort to try with Adam.
Adam shifted over hesitantly and sat down on Nigel’s lap, allowing the Romanian to wrap his arms around his waist and hold him close. He felt himself melting into Nigel’s grasp, the tension beginning to fade from his body.
“Don’t worry about me, darling. My temperature is just a little elevated and my head feels like it’s going to fucking explode. Just a bad cold and nothing more. You don’t have to worry,” Nigel reassured as he kissed the back of Adam’s neck, causing him to shiver.
Adam hummed in understanding before wriggling out of Nigel’s grasp. Nigel didn’t stop him as Adam turned to face him once more. “Would laying on the couch with me make you feel better?”
“You know, I think it just might.” A wicked grin shone on Nigel’s face as he downed a few more spoonfuls of soup before setting the spoon back into the bowl. “Let me just clean this up and I’ll be right there.”
Adam nodded eagerly before stopping and turning back to look at Nigel. “I can do that.”
“You hate doing the dishes. Don’t worry. I got this.”
Adam couldn’t argue with that logic as he did hate doing the dishes. Water combined with half eaten food was enough to send him into a meltdown. Sometimes he could push himself to do it and if he did something else right after to calm himself, it often helped. However, anytime that Nigel offered to do him for him was always appreciated.
While Nigel carried his bowl to the kitchen, Adam happily romped over to the living room. His show was still paused as he made his way to grab the remove and his stress ball before taking a seat the end of the couch like he always did. Nigel would always sit on the other end if Adam needed space, or right next to him and hold Adam against his chest if Adam felt the need to be cuddled. He always followed Adam’s lead on what he was comfortable with, and he was certain that today would be no different.
Congested coughing echoed from the kitchen, along with the sound of the faucet and the clanking of dishes moving around each other. Both sounds combined made his stomach drop as he lifted his hands over his ears and held them there, eyes drawn to his stress ball and the colors that swirled at the center. He nudged it with his elbow and rolled it back and forth on the couch, doing his best not to pay attention to what was happening in the kitchen.
It didn’t take long for Nigel to join him, tissue box in hand. He took his regular spot on the opposite end of the couch from Adam until Adam lifted his head with round eyes.
“I don’t want to get you sick,” Nigel replied after a moment, coughing hoarsely into his shoulder. “Sure you want me close?”
Adam nodded his head vigorously. “I just want you.”
With such a simple request, Nigel couldn’t fathom the idea of declining. He shifted closer to Adam and opened his arms toward him. Adam didn’t hesitate to scramble forward and plop onto Nigel before rolling onto his side and snuggling even closer to his boyfriend between his legs, head rested on his chest. Nigel held his breath as Adam struggled to find a completely comfortable position. In the end his head was propped on Nigel’s chest, hair tickling the underside of his chest and his nose.
“Adam,” Nigel muttered as he lifted a wrist to rub under his nose. “Honey, could you maybe go a little over to the left for me?”
Adam twisted his head to look up at Nigel, hair only tickling the older man’s nose further. “Why?”
Nigel didn’t have time to answer. Instead, he practically pushed Adam off of his legs and fumbled for a tissue. “HrCHS’Shoo!” Nigel hardly was able to lift it to his face in time, eyes squinted together as he prepared for another. “HrCHs’Shoo! Hrcs’HS’Shoo! HrcSH’Shoo!”
Adam whimpered as he rested his hands over his ears. At the first sneeze he had managed to climb to the other end of the couch, but the sound was still jarring. They shook the couch with the force of them, Nigel’s hand rested on the edge of the couch to keep himself steady as he blew his nose in the aftermath.
Nigel swore under his breath as he tucked the tissues into his pockets before shooting a look at Adam. “Sorry.”
Adam shook his head, hands still over his ears. Nigel frowned as he watched him, not wanting to make things worse by saying something that would bother Adam. Instead, he nudged the remote over to Adam’s side of the couch while he coughed into the crook of his elbow. Adam reached to grab it and only once the show had been unpaused did he timidly lower his hands from their position over his ears.
Nigel didn’t blame him. He knew how Adam was with loud sounds, but he couldn’t hold back his sneezes all the time. That caused way more pain and did nothing to help with the itch. He would if Adam asked that of him, but until he did, he would just continue the way that he was doing and just hope that he got over the sneezy part of this cold sooner rather than later.
The two of them watched the remainder of the documentary in relative silence apart from Nigel’s sniffles and coughs. His nose managed to behave for the most part and he didn’t have anymore sneezing fits, though he knew it was just a matter of time before it happened again. The ever present itch wouldn’t let him rest for long, no matter what he did to satisfy it.
The credits rolled on the documentary and Nigel was about to grab the remote to see what else they could watch when Adam suddenly leapt to his feet. Nigel watched in surprise as Adam began to pace back and forth through the living room, hands flapping frantically at his sides while a distressed cry rose in his throat. Tears shone in his eyes as he continued his pacing, footsteps quickening when he reached the wall and had to turn and head the other direction.
“Adam,” Nigel dared questioned.
Adam gnawed on his bottom lip as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say. “I should take care of you. I want to take care of you.”
“Star, you do take care of me. Fuck, you’re doing a great job of taking care of me,” Nigel reassured, scooting forward to the edge of the couch and resting his elbows on his knees.
“No, no, no, I don’t know how.” A lump rose in Adam’s throat when he tried to swallow. “I want to help and I don’t know how. I should know how!”
Nigel couldn’t bare to watch Adam spiral any further. He grunted as he rose to his feet and disguised a shiver as it rushed down his spine. “Hey, hey.” Nigel reached out and blocked Adam’s pacing with his own body, frowning as Adam tried to walk around him. “Adam, I need you to listen to me.”
Adam let out a shrill cry as he threaded his fingers through his lovely curls and began to pull on them from the root. It was rather common for Adam to do this, especially when frustrated or overwhelmed. Sometimes Nigel was able to have a sign where he would run his ring finger over the stubble on his jaw and that would signal Adam to be gentle with himself. Unfortunately when Adam got too worked up, there was nothing that Nigel could say to make it better.
“Not there.” Nigel reached out to take Adam’s left hand in his own and deposited on his own head. “If you need to pull, I’d prefer you use my hair, darling.”
Adam gave a few tugs, but when it didn’t give him quite the sensation that he was looking for, he loosened his grip. It was different when he was pulling on Nigel’s hair. Usually he only did that during sex when he was highly aroused, and he really didn’t feel aroused right now.
His fingers loosened from Nigel’s hair as he faced the older man. “I can’t.” His hands clutched into fists as he snapped them down against his thighs.
“Star.” Nigel suddenly broke off to cough, this time the feeling catching in his throat and not stopping. A hand came up to clutch at his chest as black dots clouded his vision. He swayed on his feet, knees buckling as he fell to the ground. He managed to catch himself before he landed on his back, legs drawn up toward his chest to keep him sitting upright. He continued to cough, feeling as though the pain would never end.
Adam broke himself out of his fear once he saw Nigel collapse. He whimpered as he dropped down beside Nigel and reached out for him with Nigel clutching Adam’s shirt, bunched at his chest.
“Nigel! Nigel, breathe,” Adam begged, voice piercing.
Nigel swallowed heavily between coughs. “Trying…..sweetheart.” Tears welled in Nigel’s eyes as he coughed some more, hardly having enough strength to cover as exhaustion started to overwhelm him. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fight this when his lungs felt like they were being squeezed by a vice. Never before have he had such a fit like this, and he wasn’t sure if it was from all the smoking, but he felt like he would never be able to take in a deep breath ever again.
“Nigel!” Adam pulled himself from Nigel’s grip with Nigel feebly reaching back for him. Adam whimpered as he leapt to his feet and headed back into the kitchen.
Nigel heard him go, and part of him wanted to beg him not to go as he felt like he was dying on the living room floor. Wetness leaked from his eyes and nose as he continued to cough. He cursed every cigarette he had ever smoked, ever time he sucked in that sweet nicotine if this was going to be the trade off. Drowning in his own mucus was not the way that he planned to go.
Just when Nigel was beginning grow resigned to the idea of that the pain would finally end, cool moisture greeted his lips. He squeezed his eyes open just enough to see the hazy outline of Adam, who was pressing the glass from earlier against his mouth as he encouraged Nigel to drink. By encourage, it was more like Adam kept repeating Nigel’s name, edged with fear as he tipped the glass enough so that water sloshed over Nigel’s lips until he was able to part them. A rush of cool water slid down his throat as he swallowed greedily, sputtering harshly until his body recalled how to breathe and swallow.
Nigel managed to take the glass when Adam’s hands started to shake. He downed the rest of the contents before setting the glass on the nearby coffee table, taking in a few deep breaths and reveled when he didn’t immediately start coughing again. It would be futile as another fit would be just around the corner, but for now he could relax.
“Fuck that hurt,” Nigel gasped as he swiped the back of his wrist under his nose. “Fuck.”
“Nigel,” Adam croaked.
Nigel rubbed the tears from his eyes in order to focus on the man in front of him. He trembled as he looked at Nigel, bottom lip quivering.
“Star, I’m alright,” Nigel reassured with as much inflation in his voice as he could muster without prompting another attack.
Adam shook his head feebly as tears began to fall, throat constricting as he strained not to wail out loud. His face crumpled as he began to sob.
“C’mere.” Nigel opened his arms and wasn’t surprised when Adam launched himself forward and nearly knocked Nigel backwards onto his back. Nigel grunted as he readjusted to having Adam in his arms, awkwardly as they didn’t have as much room to spread out on the floor as they did on the couch. Still, Nigel wrapped his arms around the smaller man and held him close as Adam cried. “It’s alright. I’m okay. I know that you’re scared, but I’m going to be fine. Just those fucking cigarettes making it sound worse than it was.”
“I want you to quit,” Adam shouted as he buried his face into Nigel’s chest.
Nigel bit his lower lip to stop himself from groaning. “Afraid it’s not that simple, darling.” He decided not to go into specifics about how long he had been smoking and how many times he had actually tried to give it up. At the end of the day, he just couldn’t. “But I can try.”
Adam nodded in agreement as he held Nigel close. Slowly he began to rock, Nigel’s body rocking with him. Ordinarily Nigel wold be the one to take the lead on it, but he it was almost relaxing the way that Adam did it. The tightness in Nigel’s chest and the constant need to sneeze finally began to fade as he concentrated on his boyfriend. He felt his eyes start to close as he felt himself teeter closer and closer to sleep.
“Hmmm, Adam?”
“Yes?”
“Think we can move this somewhere else,” Nigel mumbled as he fought sleep. “Think I’m a little more fucking tired than I realized.”
“Bed,” Adam chirped.
Nigel sighed. “Bed sounds amazing, Star.”
At the promise of bed, despite what time it was, Adam pulled himself away from Nigel, much to the older man’s dismay. Adam didn’t give him much time to process it as he reached for Nigel’s shoulders and attempted to lift him. Nigel untangled his legs from under himself and forced himself to stand, Adam behind him to steady him before he could fall back. For something as simple as a cold he felt weaker than a kitten.
“I have you, Nigel,” Adam announced as he came on Nigel’s side and lifted Nigel’s arm so that he could drape it around his shoulders. Whether or not it helped or not wasn’t even a consideration. Nigel would always enjoy Adam’s presence and would seek it out.
“Thank you, gorgeous. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Nigel couldn’t stop himself from pulling Adam closer and kissing the top of his head, relieved to hear Adam giggle. He’d do anything to hear that sound.
The two of them continued to the bedroom, though Adam had to stop at the bathroom to brush his teeth and finish his nightly routine. He offered for Nigel to join in, but Nigel declined with a hearty snuffle. Adam didn’t press the matter, and after finishing up, he forced his way back against Nigel’s side, admiration glowing in his eyes as he snuggled up against his lover’s flank.
After a brief stop to grab another blanket from the closet, they finally made it into their shared bedroom. Adam was quick to turn down the covers for Nigel and help him sit back, stacking pillows behind his head so that he could breathe easier, just as Nigel had done for him when he was sick. Adam added the extra blanket along with the regular sheet and comforter in case Nigel got too cold, and set a tissue box on Nigel’s nightstand within easy reach.
“Am I forgetting anything,” Adam asked out loud.
Nigel grunted as he patted the empty space beside him. “Just you.”
Adam beamed as he climbed into bed after Nigel, not even bothered that Nigel was still in his outside clothes. He still snuggled up to him all the same, head rested on Nigel’s chest to listen to him breathe. There was a distinct wheeze, followed by a rattle on each ragged exhale. Adam frowned at the sound as his fingers tapped on Nigel’s chest as if he could influence breathing.
Nigel’s breath caught as he started to cough into a fist with Adam withdrawing fearfully. “Did I do that? I-I’m sorry.”
When Nigel managed to compose himself before pulling Adam back down. “No, Star. That wasn’t you. As long as you’re comfortable here, I’m comfortable.”
Adam mumbled something that Nigel didn’t quite catch as he trailed his fingers over his shirt. “Star?”
Adam perked up.
“Is there something wrong?”
Adam looked away.
“Adam, please, what is it?”
“I don’t like you with a shirt on when we sleep.”
It was said so quietly that Nigel barely caught it. Still, he had gotten so used to understanding Adam that he picked it up with little trouble.
“Well, why didn’t you say so, gorgeous?” Nigel scooted up and nudged Adam just enough for him to pull the shirt from his head and throw it aside on the floor. He lowered back down into position with Adam finding his place once again, fingers easily moving through Nigel’s chest hair as he usually did at night.
Nigel sighed in content, despite how shitty he felt. Being with Adam always gave him a sense of peace that no one else ever had. Gabi certainly hadn’t, and he wanted nothing more than to never leave this angel of a man ever.
Nigel was about to fall into sleep when he realized that Adam was still far from settled. “Star, is there something else that’s bothering you?”
“Bothering you…..yes.”
“Whatever could that be?”
“I’m sorry, Nigel.” Adam buried his face against Nigel’s neck and held himself there.
“Sorry? Whatever for?” Nigel had often thought about getting that phrase tattooed on him. While Adam wasn’t apologetic to those outside his circle as he didn’t feel like he did much that he needed to apologize for, it all changed with Nigel. He never wanted to do anything that made upset, not necessarily out of fear—at least Nigel hoped not—but he tended to apologize for things that he thought Nigel didn’t like. Some may say that it was because he was terrified that Nigel would leave him.
“That I can’t do it. I-I can’t take care of you.”
“Is this what got you upset earlier?”
Adam pondered it for a few moments before he nodded.
“Honey, I need you to listen to me carefully.” He sniffed hard to make his voice a little easier to understand. Congestion combined with his normal accent was making him difficult to understand. “You have done a fucking excellent job. You made soup for me, you got me water. Hell, you’re here when I know how much germs bother you. You’re fucking amazing, darling.”
“Really?” Adam draped his arms around Nigel’s neck and shoulders lightly as he wriggled back down to rest his head back on Nigel’s hairy chest.
“Yes, really.” Nigel gave him a tight hug, careful not to accidentally move him in the process. “I fucking love you. You do just as much shit for me as I do for you, and even if you didn’t, you being in my life is always enough.”
Adam appeared slightly comforted by Nigel’s words, though not fully. Still, he seemed relaxed enough that he started to fall into a light sleep now that he could hear Nigel’s lungs and heartbeat. It was a strong heartbeat and it lulled him more than his space projector sometimes did. Nigel was the perfect stuffed animal and weighed blanket all rolled into one.
Most importantly, Nigel was safe.
It was only when Adam was sound asleep did Nigel even fathom the idea of sleep. Normally he may scroll through his phone or read a book, but now all it took was Adam’s weight on top of him, his sweet scent and innocent smile to lull him into a peaceful sleep.