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When Lando announced that he wasn’t renewing his contract with McLaren no one was surprised, it was a thing that everyone knew will happen. And Lando regretted his decision about 2 days after he signed the renewal last time and was itching to finally get out of the crumbling castle that was McLaren at Formula 1.
And sure, Lando would be lying if the fact that now he doesn’t have a guaranteed seat next year didn’t scare the living shit out of him, and him having nightmares about it is something that he is planning on taking to his grave, but it was a choice he knew he had to make. He had to get out of there before he crumbles with the rest of the team, destroying the only thing he is good at, the thing that is his whole life.
When he told Charles that he is finally leaving, only after Danny Ric because he felt like he owed it to the other man after everything that went down with him, he just smiled happily at him and said that he will look amazing at the Red Bull racing suit and switched topics without even thinking twice about it, Gorge just shrugged and reassured him that he will surely get a seat, while Carlos just let out a ‘thank god’ and hugged him tightly. Danny just sat him down and they had a conversation about the whole ordeal that took place 3 years ago, which after a few beers turned into a gossip session and Lando doesn’t know when was the last time he felt as light as then, and when saying their goodbyes for the night he quickly commented that ‘Max is a tough cookie at first sight, but he is a softie at heart’ and left him.
It felt weird, having people reassure him Max is a nice person when he knew him longer than anyone else on the grid. God, he remembers when they first raced against each other back in their go-karting days and amid their very serious battle for the first place one of them slipped, it is still debated whether it was Max’s or Lando’s fault and took both of them out of the race. He remembers Max’s disappointed look, his thick accent, which he barely has now, and it sometimes made Lando a little melancholic, as he told him to fuck off and he remembers seeing firsthand how much Jos Verstappen hated when his son did anything other than winning. He remembers it all, sometimes he wonders if it would’ve been easier if he and Max just never met before F1, but in the end, he always decides against it, his history with Max was something he held close to his heart, even if he knew Max barely bothered to say hello to him now, even if now they got so estranged that people gave him warnings that Max is not the hotheaded, ruthless asshole the media makes him out to be.
The only thing he doesn’t remember is when they went from strangers to friends. One day Max was sending dirty looks at him and the next they were sneaking around, trying to find a quiet place to sit down and talk at. Somedays he so desperately wishes he remembered when it happened, when Max decided that he was worthy of his friendship when he decided to put all his trust towards Lando, telling him his deepest secrets and letting himself be comforted by Lando after an argument with his father. He does remember moments from their friendship that he cherishes, like taking that picture that he still uses as a lock screen on his computer, when after his first DNF Max pulled him into a comforting hug.
He remembers when he started feeling their friendship fall apart when Max started to get more serious and he started to pull out of their friendship, he remembers the feeling of sitting in his hotel room, repeating to himself that they are okay, Max said they are okay, he remembers the bittersweet smile Max had on his face when he told him that he got into F1, he remembered the slight sadness that tainted the older man's voice as he explained to him how he made history by being the youngest driver ever on F1.
So, when Lando finally gave in and signed the contract with Red Bull he knew he needed to find a therapist. He needed to get better, he needed to close the whole thing with Max down, and he knew that he cannot do that alone, he spent almost 10 years trying to do that, but at last, he recognized that he can’t.
XXX
Lando arrived 30 minutes early, even after stopping at the bakery to pick up a few cookies for his new team, and now was starting to feel like this was all a very bad idea. He had no idea how switching teams worked, he never had to do it, and he never had to switch to a team as big as Red Bull. He didn’t know if he should’ve opted for one of the team shirts he got sent, or if the black crewneck was acceptable enough, he didn’t know if bringing cookies, purely just because Daniel called Max a tough cookie, was awkward or would be ruled as a weird thing. When he asked Daniel for advice, he just sent back a link to the song Let’s Go Lando and he never hated his old teammate more.
So now he was in his car, fiddling with his phone as he watched small groups of people enter when he was startled by the sharp sound of knocking on his window, and he hit his car's horn, startling the amused Christian at his window.
Because of course, he cannot freak out by himself even for 5 minutes without his new boss breathing down his neck.
“Is everything okay here?” Christian asks and Lando just wants to point out how painfully obvious his stalling is.
“Sure, just first-day nerves, you know” he settles for this instead, thankful for the first time for those awful PR courses he had to sit through at McLaren, and he even decides to add a little more character to his lie by letting out a chuckle.
“Ah, got it now,” he sends him a smile, and Lando would like to argue with this statement because no, Christian Horner has no idea what he opened by pairing him up with Max.
“C’mon walk with me” he motions towards the building with his head and before he could even react his door is already open.
So as a good employee, he doesn’t argue, he doesn’t see a point in it and just quietly grabs the box of cookies and steps out of the car.
“I hope those are not poisoned,” says Christian and Lando can recognize the poor attempt of a joke when he sees one, God knows he makes too many of those too.
“Oh, they sure are, after this, I’m running straight back to Zak selling him all those secrets, or I’m sure Toto would be willing to pay a good amount too, maybe even a seat,” he entertains Christians jokes, and he can see a smirk creep up into his lips.
“I’m sure Toto would be willing to pay whatever you ask for,” Christian adds and opens the door for him and Lando is suddenly hit with the realization that he is now with a different team. And he suddenly feels like he did when he finally moved out of his parent’s house, but he is not about to tell Christian that, so he just listens to the man complain about Toto and the Mercedes car launch that was 3 days ago while following him.
When they reach the dressing room, which he is about to share with Max and no he is not about to let himself think about that for more than 2 seconds at a time, he gives Christian the box full of cookies, but making sure to take one out.
He watches Christian leave before he bangs his head on the wall a couple of times, still holding that damn cookie like an idiot.
“Are you trying to get a concussion so you can bail on the launch or something?” and he doesn’t even need to look up to know it’s Max.
But when he looks up, he lets out a small groan, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for Max to hear. He hasn’t seen Max in months now, since the season ended, and now he looked even better with his slightly tanned skin and teasing smile, and he doesn’t understand how is that possible when back in November, he looked so magical under the lights punching the air with one hand and clutching his trophy at the other. Lando thought that was the most beautiful he had ever seen the other man, but now standing in front of their dressing room under these shitty lights that make Lando’s eyes hurt, he just looks so majestic.
The only good thing he got from his last season with McLaren is that he got to watch Max shamelessly as he stepped up to the podium with a bright smile.
Lando is also sure, just by taking a quick look at Max’s arms that sharing a dressing room might actually be the death of him because he looks fitter than he ever saw him before, if the way his shirt clings to him is anything to go off on.
Lando clears his throat and forces a smile on his lips as he faces his new teammate, “Sure, I know how much you like these types of things so I guessed I would just let you do the honor.”
And he can see Max checking him out, he can see the other man dragging his eyes over his body and he can see when he settles on his neck and notices the small bruise from a few nights ago, Lando feels a blush creep up onto his cheeks. But to his surprise Max doesn’t comment on it, he just takes his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a snicker.
“And what about the cookie, a welcome gift for your new teammate?” he cocks his brows a little looking at the cookie in his hand.
“Actually, yeah,” he says and extends it towards him, just now realizing how far away they are standing.
Max looks at him confused but takes the cookie from him nonetheless, “You brought me a cookie as a gift?”
“Uh, yeah,” he says, and he starts fidgeting with his bracelets.
And Lando is painfully aware how many times Max had to go through this, to get a new teammate, to get friendly with them just enough to make the season bearable but not too much because in a year or two they will leave after they predictably fail to match the sheer talent Max has. But Lando so desperately wants to feel like maybe he is different, he is not just some stranger to Max, he is not someone he only met properly a few months ago, they have history whether it is forgotten or not to the older man, it’s still there.
XXX
“Stop laughing it’s not fucking funny.” Lando groans as he pulls his baseball cap down further into his face. “What if I seriously injured myself?”
“Mate you are sitting on my couch drinking beer, you will live,” Danny shouts out from his kitchen. “Besides you fell down the stage, not from a flight of stairs.”
“It was my ego that suffered the most,” he shouts back, trying to sound offended but despite the obvious embarrassment, he is 2 seconds away from laughing.
“Besides I know Max is good at first aid, I’m sure he took real good care of you and your bruised ego,” and he can hear his laughter from the kitchen before he feels him plopping down next to him on the couch.
He is very grateful for the cap on his face for hiding his blushed cheeks “I hate you.” Danny bursts out into an obnoxious laughing fit while he hears him turn the TV on, “If you dare to put a video of my fall on, I will murder you tonight” he says, and Danny just starts laughing harder confirming that he hit the nail on his head.
“I’m never stepping a foot inside of that building again, wait no, actually what if I change my name and you just never hear from me ever again?”
Daniel just sighs and put his beer down on his coffee table and swings his arms around Lando’s shoulder. “Lando, it happens, people are going to forget about it in a week at tops.”
He is about to answer when he feels his phone buzz on the table, and he doesn’t even bother to look at it, knowing it’s just probably Charles sending him another stupid meme or TikTok about the whole ordeal. Daniel on the other hand leans forward and taps his phone to read the notification, just for him to burst out laughing again, “How is the ass doing?” he says and Lando shoots up in record speed to take his phone from him.
And sure enough, there is a text from Max where he asks about his ass and Lando can feel his whole face warm up.
“That’s it I’m changing my name and you will never hear from me again” he exclaims and that just makes Daniel laugh more.
He also tosses a throw pillow at Daniel, just because he can, and wants to.
XXX
The next time he meets Max is their preseason testing, and Lando makes a conscious effort to avoid talking to him because he is already shitting his pants enough, he doesn’t need that type of stress on top of that.
The Red Bull team shirt feels foreign against his skin, especially when he can see the McLaren garage from where he stands, and he sees Oscar hanging out with his new teammate, and that his name and number had been now replaced.
And no, Lando doesn’t regret leaving that team, he needed to, but that’s all he knew from Formula 1 and now he feels like he is standing in a middle of a cave without any light source, trying to find a way out.
The fact that every single camera pointed in his direction, looking, waiting for him to misstep or to say something he shouldn’t have, doesn’t help his anxiety at all. He sees Christian glance at him periodically, and he can see a hint of curiousness in his eyes, he can see the mechanics' exchange looks as he first takes his place in his new car, he can tell he is the topic of the McLaren garage because they keep peering over the walls just to look at him, he can tell other drivers talk about him too, even with Max sometimes, and he can feel his anxiety spike.
The car felt amazing, and he ended up being third on the list at the end and while he knows he could’ve been maybe a little more confident out there, he is proud of himself for that third place. Christian just pats him on the back as the result came in and sends an approving smile in his direction. Max just sends him a thumbs up from a few feet away and the mechanics just high-five him, and this is enough for Lando, right now it is enough.
He and Max are directed toward the media room next, where Charles is already there with George whispering about something, and Lando feels a sense of familiarity wash over him as he sits down next to Charles, who just smiles warmly and understandingly at him.
He also realizes as the security closes the door, that Max is only here for show, to remind people who Lando is going to have to beat if he wants to stay, to remind Lando about the bar that has been set for him.
“So Lando, third place how do you feel about it?” asks one of the reporters.
“I think it a good start for me right now. Hopefully, it’s only going to get better from here,” he says, with a sweet and polite smile plastered over his face, just like he was thought to do it.
Another reporter stands up, this time it’s a younger guy, “Max managed to get first place with the same car, how do you feel about that?”
And he wants to say how un-fucking-fair that comparison is since Max has been here for 10 years, winning 5 world titles during that, and that he is Max Verstappen, but he manages to bite his tongue.
“That he is a World Champion for a reason,” he says instead with the same smile on his face, earning a small laugh from some of the media personnel in the room.
Next up he sees a woman stand up, and Lando feels his skin prickle when she looks at him, like a hunter looks at its prey, hungry. He can see his blood-red lips pull into an overly sweet smile as she looks at Max, who just sits there, microphone in hand ready to answer, “Looking at the results now, do you think Red Bull made a mistake when they fired Sergio?” she asks and he can feel Charles tense up next to him, he can feel Georges eyes on him, and he wishes he could just stand up and leave, just get up and leave so he doesn’t hear Max tell his opinion about him.
He bites his lower lip and glances through the people who are in the room, every single one of them looking at Max, waiting for him to spill the beans, to unveil a little behind-the-scenes look at how he feels about him. But as he looks at Max, he just sits there, face as stoic as ever and Lando wonders how bad of a PR nightmare it would be if he just stood up and left.
Lando was aware that he was not the asshole the media made him out to be, but he also knew just how ruthless Max was when it came to racing, he was not afraid of offending anyone, he was just too much of a talent for Red Bull to fire and even if they did any team would gladly make place for him in their team. Max was where he was because he was ruthless.
“Sergio was the one who decided not to renew his contract,” he says and it’s simple, easy and it leaves a familiar confusion in his mind, the familiar confusion that came with Max.
“But do you think there were better options out there for the team?”
And this point Lando is just so ready to get up and just leave, save himself from the embarrassment of having to listen to his teammate throw him under the bus.
“No, that seat belonged to Lando since the moment he came into Formula 1 and I’m happy that it’s finally his,” he says instead, just as simply and easily as he did with his first reply, only now Lando can see a ghost of a smile on his face.
XXX
“So, like I have to ask what’s up with you and your painful crush on Max?” asks casually Daniel as he plops down to the couch in his driver’s room, Red Bull in hand.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he says as he puts his fireproofs on.
“I’m way too old for you to think you can fool me with this.”
“Oh, so now you are admitting you are old?”
“That’s not a no,” Daniel points out with a wide smirk.
At first, Lando says “I swear there is nothing.”
Then he says “Dan, please just leave it alone.”
And finally, he says, “You cannot tell anyone about this, especially not Max, you just- can’t.”
And when he feels tears starting to well up in his eyes and a moment later Daniel’s arms pulling him into a hug, he lets himself cry.
XXX
He eventually does find a great therapist who is willing to do online therapy with him, the only thing that he can do with his hectic schedule.
Dr. Copeland, who assures Lando that Mark works just fine, is only in his forties and is quite possibly one of the nicest people Lando had met. Even when he went in for a consultation back in London before the season started, he assured Lando that while his patient list is full at the moment, he could squish him in at the weekends for an hour maybe an hour and a half session.
He makes sure he is home when their first session happens, and it is hard and grueling and he feels exhausted by the end of it, but Mark makes sure to tell him that it's normal to feel this way.
So, they fell into a rhythm as the season started, Lando texting him when he is available and Mark telling him when they could talk through Zoom.
“So, do you think it was selfish of you to leave McLaren?” Mark asks, a mug in hand, and Lando lets himself enjoy the silence for a moment as he sits on the massage table in his driver’s room.
“No. Maybe? Like, I know I did the right thing, but I just have this guilt every time I think about it or I just look at the garage, like maybe I was not patient enough, maybe I should’ve stayed like I said I would, ” he says, his hands finding their place fiddling with his shoelaces.
Mark then looks confused for a moment, “Please correct me if I remember incorrectly, but they said that by 2025 you are going to have a car that is able to fight for a championship, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And they didn’t give you a car that did that, right?”
“No, they didn’t”
“Lando, you had a deal with them, and they didn’t hold their end of the bargain. You had every right to leave.” Mark says and then just lets Lando sit with a comfortable silence falling over them.
“It’s just- I kind of feel like I’m all over the place right now. I feel like everyone is constantly waiting for me to fail, to not live up to the expectation and I just-with McLaren I didn’t have that,” and Lando feels himself choke up, letting the tear that wants to come out to flow freely on his face. “And Max is just there constantly reminding me who I have to live up to and it’s so stupid because he doesn’t even do anything but be nice to me and try to talk sometimes, but I can’t do that fake shit, not with him.”
“Did he say anything to you that hurt your feelings?” Mark asks.
Lando just lets out a snort, “No, he doesn’t need to.”
Mark writes down something, and he is about to open his mouth to speak when Lando hears his door opening and Max poking his head in.
“Hey, sorry for bothering just Vicky asked me to- “and then he looks at Lando, who still has tears on his cheeks, despite his attempts to wipe them. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Lando- “
“Mark, I have to go, I’m sorry I will text you,” Lando chokes out, and before either Max or Mark could say anything he just slams his laptop shut and shoots up from his position, and walked over to his bag, laptop in hand turning fully away from Max.
Max who isn’t having any of this and after the laptop is out of Lando’s hands he softly puts his hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him down to his couch and squatting down in front of him.
“Why are you crying? Are you okay?” he whispers, hands laying on Lando’s knees, while he desperately searches for his eyes. “Lando, please- ”
“I had therapy,” he says, looking anywhere but the man kneeling in front of him. “I have been doing it for a few weeks now.”
Max doesn’t speak. He just sits there, looking at Land, hands still on his knees, “I’m sorry I interrupted your therapy session.” Lando finally finds the courage and looks at Max, whose eyes are just so full of worry that Lando just wants to cry harder, or maybe lean forward and just kiss him.
Instead, he just lets out a quiet chuckle, “You can ask about it if you want to, I’m not ashamed or anything.”
“But do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“I will answer your questions.” Max just shakes his head with a disbelieving smile.
“How about after we are done with qualifying, and we are back in the hotel we grab some dinner? You could come over; we could play a few rounds of FIFA if you are up for it?”
Lando looks at him with a smile on his face and nods, as if he was ever able to say no to Max Verstappen.
XXX
It’s not like Lando hasn’t expected him and Max to become friendly again after he joined the team. He knew that they are going to talk again, they are going to hang out sometimes, or just get together with some beer and talk shit about everything. He expected it, however, he did not expect to feel like he was 16 again, flustered and awkward.
But somehow sitting in Max’s room, on his couch, while Max stands there, hair still wet and messy from his shower, his bare chest peeking through the zip-up hoodie he failed to zip up fully, that gives him a feeling that he doesn’t remember feeling this intensely.
It takes a while for Max to order everything for them, and he is sure some of them would cause their trainers to have a heart attack, but he thinks he deserves to have this.
Ending his first qualifying with P2 and Max being the only one in front of him? He will take that as a win.
“They said it will be here in around 30 minutes,” he says as he falls to the couch next to Lando, close enough that he can smell his body wash. “You know, Red Bull suits you much better than that god-awful papaya hoodie did.” Max points to his hoodie, which Lando only wore because it was way too comfortable.
Lando felt a blush creep up onto his cheeks, “C’mon, I liked the papaya.”
At that Max lets out a loud laugh, “That doesn’t take away from the fact that it was headache-inducing,” he says “Oh, that was the team tactic, wasn’t it? Make everyone have a headache so you will have a chance?” he barks out, smiles wide and eyes shining with mischief.
“Ah, shoot, I guess you figured it out,’ Lando sighs dramatically, turning to fully face Max,
“Now I have to kill you.” he leans in closer, “It was in my contract, that I have to kill anyone who figured it out, sorry mate.”
Max just sits there, with a stupid smile on his face, as he also leans closer, “You sure, you couldn’t make an exception for me?”
Lando smirks, “Well I will have to see what I can do about that; I cannot have my hotshot teammate gone can I?”
And they are so close, Lando knows it’s too close and how it only means something to him and only him, but he allows himself to be a little selfish.
Max is about to say something, and there is something in his eyes Lando cannot decipher, but the universe is a bitch and of course, food service chooses this time to get here. Max just looks at him, almost apologetically before he stands up to get the door.
XXX
It’s hours later, way later than they should’ve stayed up, and Lando is standing at Max’s door, the man behind him, as he is leaving.
“You know, as much as that papaya color was awful, it looked good on you.”
XXX
“That’s the checkered flag, Lando,” he heard Josh say through his radio, excitement evident in his voice “Congratulations on winning your first-ever race, and your first race with the team.”
Lando only ever came close to winning a race twice before, and even those happened years ago and both times he ended up fucking it up. He remembers the feeling when he lost control for a second end ended up in the gravel, he remembers screaming, mostly at himself to go back and not give up, he remembers Danny patting his shoulder with a soft smile and sympathy in his eyes.
He remembers crying against his driver room’s door after that, thinking that it had to be this way, that he didn’t deserve it, how he didn’t deserve Daniels's kindness, he was awful to him.
On bad days he still hears Zak screaming, he is stupid, he should’ve known better, he should’ve concentrated more, he should’ve been more, he is a disappointment, he did not deserve to be there. He can still see the disappointed eyes looking at him while he gave the interviews, the pitying looks some of the drivers sent towards him, he especially remembers the way Max looked at him, his eyes full of pity, a slight smirk on his face as he adjusted his winners' cap.
He remembers the way he couldn’t face his family for days.
But this wasn’t just being close to winning, he didn’t fuck it up this time, he did win a race, he actually won.
He doesn’t remember getting out of the car, he doesn’t remember going up on the podium, and he barely remembers Charles pouring champagne on him with Carlos.
He remembers Danny pulling him into a hug, whispering “I’m proud of you” in his ears, and then making plans to go out to celebrate.
But the whole thing after that is a blur, getting ready, getting into a car, getting to the bar, Lando had no idea how he ended up here with Daniel and a few other drivers.
But he was having fun, drinking, dancing, laughing, Pierre brought him a small crown too, that had been on his head ever since, but he is pretty sure with the humidity his curls already swallowed it.
“I’m going to get some more shots,” he shouted through the music as he made his way to the bar.
Lando knew he was drunk, he felt it in every step he took, he felt it in the way he had to lean against the bar and the way the bartender sent him an almost worried look as he ordered,
“Thank you but we don’t need those shots.” he heard someone say next to him, which the bartender looked kind of relieved to hear and then went on her way.
“Hey, I still want those shots,” he shouted. But the bartender just ignored him and went on her way.
“I’m sure you do.” the voice next to him said again and this time Lando looked at him.
Max, because Lando’s life was a big joke, and he cannot catch a break. “I didn’t know you came with us.”
“Oh wow, don’t be too excited,” Max laughs as he takes the stool next to him. “How many rounds did you have?”
“Six? Seven? I didn’t really count it, just drank whatever Danny handed to me,” he shrugs. “I know I’m drunk; you don’t need to point it out for me,” he says and hears Max chuckle next to him.
“Can I point out that you have a Dutch accent when you are drunk, or do you know that too?” it must be the alcohol in him, imagining the flirty tone in Max’s voice. “It’s kind of adorable,” yeah, it’s definitely the alcohol in him.
Lando lets out a groan, but he suspects it sounds more like a child’s temper tantrum, as he throws his head back.
Which was a horrible idea, because now his head is spinning, and he feels like he is about to throw up.
Max probably sees it on him, because in the next second, he is already being dragged onto his feet and towards the toilets, which they reach just in time before he finally throws up. Max squats down next to him and rubs his back as he sits there, on the dirty floor in some dodgy bar, throwing his guts out.
“C’mon let’s go back to the hotel so you can sleep.”
XXX
“Can you stay for a while?” Lando asks, barely awake as Max tucks him in. He seems to consider it for a while, his brows a little furrowed, as he finally sits down at the end of the bed. “You know, Danny called you a tough cookie.”
“Did he now?” he asks, a smile on his lips. He places his hands on Lando’s calf, and even through the duvet he can feel the weight of them.
“Yeah, he told me you are a tough cookie but a softie at heart,” he slurs, fighting for every word to come out before he falls asleep. “That’s why I bought cookies on the first day.”
“That was really nice of you,” he smiles but something flashes through his face that Lando doesn’t recognize. He sees him open and closes his mouth a couple of times, but he falls asleep before Max could say anything.
XXX
Lando doesn’t expect to find Max there, in his room, when he wakes up. Realistically he knew he isn’t going to be here, but it still feels like a punch in his guts when he woke up alone, in an empty room.
XXX
After that, they sort of fell into a rhythm, which was so different from the one they had at McLaren that it takes 6 race weeks for him to get used to.
While with McLaren their after-race routine was to simply go back to the hotel and sit with their disappointment and sadness, since there was nothing to celebrate, he and Oscar mostly just got together to play some video games while avoiding talking about the race.
But now he is being dragged out to celebrate by Danny and Max every weekend. Sometimes it’s at some high-end bar, other times it’s just a small bar but mostly it’s Max’s room, where they drink beer, laugh and when eventually Daniel leaves, they fall asleep on Max’s bed.
He and Max never actually talk about it, but he always feels Max carefully get out of bed and move to the couch before Lando wakes up.
And he knows that Max knows that he knows. He is painfully aware of Max avoiding him, not like they were talking that much besides the times they celebrated after a race. He knows Max parks at the other side of the parking lot, for the first few times he writes it off as a coincidence, that maybe the parking lot was empty, but then they arrive at the same time on the Miami circuit to the same time and Max waits for him to park before he chooses a spot.
He knows he takes the stairs if Lando is in the elevator, he knows that during press conferences he purposefully chooses the seat furthest from him, and he knows that during driver parades it’s a calculated move to stand next to drivers he knows Lando doesn’t like.
Even Daniel points it once, but Lando just shrugs it down, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Then they are summoned to Christian’s office, where he pointedly tells them that he doesn’t care if they don’t like each other, but at least during the race weeks act like they are the best of friends, brothers for life.
Yeah, Lando is a little salty about it, it’s not like he is the one who decided to be childish, but he still decides to try harder, thinking Max is going to do the same.
But Max decides to do the most Max thing Lando has heard in a while and just simply decides to stop acknowledging Lando’s existence.
This earns them another talk with Christian, where now he only talks to Max, and sternly tells him that if he wants to act like a child, he is going to be treated like one, and by that, he means that they are both going to be treated like that since they are a team or whatever bullshit he said.
So the team makes sure they are always together, on the track and they also make them hang out outside of it. This would be fine, because Lando does like Max, even if he wasn’t in love with him, he would like him with his sarcastic humor and stupid dad jokes.
But Max still refuses to talk to him more than 3 words at a time outside of the celebrations with Danny, and now it starts to piss Lando off, “I’m so sick of him acting like a child,” he says as he barges into Daniels house, dramatically flopping down to the couch. “I’m like officially on my wit's end.”
“Hello to you too Lando, please come on in,” he mutters under his breath as he comes to the living room. “What did he do again?”
“He fucking stood me up, I waited in that restaurant for an hour before I texted him, and do you want to know what he said?” Lando asks as he pulls his phone out. “Sorry, there is a FIFA championship, can we reschedule?”
“So, he just forgot to text you?” Daniel furrows his brows. “It happens sometimes, Lando you did this to me too, I don’t understand-”
“I’m pissed because I looked it up and there wasn’t a FIFA championship today,” he admits, and it almost feels like waving the white flag. “I’m mad, because I try so hard, despite feeling like shit, I try my best to fix something he did, and he lies just so he can get out of it.”
Daniel has an understanding look in his eyes as he sits down next to him and puts his hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “Have you talked to him about this?”
“He doesn’t want to talk to me so…”
Daniel lets out a sigh and looks around the room for a minute before he says, “Lando, you know how Max is, you know better than anyone, even if you are no longer as close. He runs from things that scare him, and maybe you guys rekindling your friendship is scary to him.” he gently pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around Lando. “You should talk to him. I know you and I know Max to know that he would never send you away.”
XXX
Lando doesn’t attempt to talk to Max during their four-week break. He could lie and say that he is busy which is somewhere true, but in the end, it mostly comes down to him needing that time for himself. Which Mark says is a healthy thing and that he is glad Lando is putting himself first.
Lando only speaks with Max once, and even that is to reschedule that lunch Max canceled, but after that, he pushes every urge in himself down to talk to him.
And he feels a lot better at the end of the four weeks, that’s until it’s the day of the rescheduled lunch and Max stood him up, again.
He thinks about calling Daniel to vent or to ask him to come down to the race so he is not alone during the weekend, but as he sits in his car, something breaks in him.
It might be the year's pressure or the fact that the man he has been in love with for the better part of his life stood him up again.
He feels the tears against his cheeks as if something finally broke in him. Like the dam that was holding back all of his anger that pent up over the years finally gave up after collecting many cracks. He finally let the anger exist.
The anger he felt towards Zak Brown for making him waste all these years of his life, for lying to him, for breaking Lando down until he was on his hands and knees, on the brink of giving up. For not leaving his mind and still chanting every hurtful word that he ever said to him.
The anger he felt towards Carlos and Danny for leaving, even though he knew they had to do it, they had to get out and move on. God, he knows he is being unfair, he had done the same thing, and the second he got the chance he left and saved himself. He left Oscar behind, just like he was left behind.
And Max, he was so angry at him, no, he wanted to hate him so badly. He was so angry at him for leaving him without actually saying anything, for him being so caring but at the same time. For standing him up, again.
He wanted to stop loving him, to stop feeling this all-consuming love he felt, that sometimes feels like it was even bigger than himself.
He wanted to stop feeling this hope when Max acts like he cares, the hope that sometimes feels so intense it might just kill him at some point.
He had to do something, he had to talk to Max, he had to know.
XXX
“You’re one hell of an asshole, did you know that?” he says as soon as Max opens the door. He clearly was lounging around, if his pajama pants and his oversized sweatshirt was any indicator.
Max looks at him confused and furrows his brows, “Excuse me?”
Lando lets out a laugh, that is anything but sincere, “ I said you are an asshole.”
“Are you drunk?” Max fishes out his phone and checks the time on it. “It’s only 3 pm.”
“I’m not drunk.” Max looks at him as if he is waiting for a sign to prove Lando is lying, and that makes his blood boil. “You stood me up again.” Max looks at him, and Lando can see traces of guilt in his features. “I waited there for an hour; the waitress gave me a free cake because she felt bad for me.”
Max scratches the back of his neck, “I’m sorry?” and it sounds more like a question than a genuine apology. “I forgot it was today,” he says.
“You knew it was today, don’t lie to me,” he says. “Please just- for once be honest with me,” and it sounds more like a plea than it’s meant to be. “I know you lied last time.”
Max sighs and leans against the doorframe, “I’m sorry, I- I should’ve told you the truth.”
“So, tell me now, what’s the truth?”
Max looks as conflicted as ever as he stands before him, “I- I can’t tell you,” He whispers, avoiding looking into his eyes.
Lando snorts, “You are unbelievable.”
“I’m sorry but I just can’t.”
“You can’t or you just simply don’t want to?” he asks. “Because after everything I feel like you at least owe me this.”
“Lando please-” Max finally looks at him, and there is something in his eyes Lando doesn’t recognize.
“I think it’s better if I leave, I shouldn’t have come here.” he looks at Max once more and starts going towards the elevator.
“I’m in love with you.” he hears Max say, and he simply freezes right there, in the middle of the corridor.
“What?” he asks, slowly turning towards Max, who just stands there, looking desperate.
“I’m in love with you and I know you don’t feel this way, that’s why I didn’t go,” he says, “I think it would’ve killed me, having to sit through those lunches that feel like dates, knowing they are not,” he says. “It would’ve given me too much hope.”
“Max, I-” he starts but there is nothing he can say that would do justice to how he actually feels. “You are in love with me?”
Max looks around while letting out a laugh, “How could I not be?” he simply asks and Lando feels like crying. “You are- You really didn’t know?” He asks with disbelief and starts walking towards him.
“I should’ve?”
“Lando, I think everyone knows, even Christian I-”
“I- How?” he asks, and Max lets out a teary laugh.
“What do you mean how? As if it was possible for me not to be in love with you.” he is now standing in front of Lando.
“Wait, I forgot to say it, but like, me too,” he says, and Max takes his face in his hands. “I’m in love with you too, just in case it wasn’t obvious by now.”
Max laughs and finally kisses him.
He imagined what kissing Max would be like, approximately 5 times a day since he met him, but it was nothing like that. It kind of reminded him of how Max races, with confidence, but still with a gentleness that Lando can’t explain. He imagined it would be like it was described in all of those books he had read like fireworks exploded like it’s this big moment where the universe stops for a second, and while yeah, it’s this big moment, instead of the fireworks, it just feels familiar, like they’ve done this a thousand time before.
“I’m sorry,” Max says once they separate, “for being an asshole recently.”
Lando looks, Max in the eyes, which he always found pretty, the perfect shade of blue, but up close he sees the little green in them, “It’s okay,” he says and kisses him, because he can, “I think it turned out pretty well.”
Max lets out a laugh and kisses him on his forehead this time, “Yeah, it did.”
XXX
“So, are you ready?” asks Max as he stops the car.
“Yeah, I think I am,” he answers.
They get out of the car, and as Max reaches Lando he intertwines their hands together as they enter the Silverstone Grand Prix.
XXX
“God, you two are going to be insufferable,” Daniel says, as they meet him near the Red Bull hospitality, finally away from the shocked looks and cameras.
“Yeah, we probably are,” Max says, and he lets go of Lando’s hand to put it against his shoulder instead. “You love us though,” he kisses Lando’s head.
“Boys, please be professional,” they hear Christian say, but they can hear the smile in their voice.
And feeling all this support and love around him, Lando thinks, yeah, he is going to be okay. It’s going to take time, he knows this, but it’s going to be worth it.