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Mary Macdonald died in 1980 at 20 years old. In the spring of 1981, Remus Lupin, Alice Fortescue (soon to be Longbottom) and Frank Longbottom started a support group with London’s local branch of the Gay Liberation Front. They called it Lavender Hands. The group set out to help the families and friends of those who have survived losing someone to AIDS. In the fall of that same year, Alice gets sick.
The wedding was a straightforward affair. Only Frank’s grandmother and Remus were in attendance. Alice had been wheeled to the front of the courthouse. She has been in a wheelchair for only a month now and was still not used to pushing herself up steep inclines. The vows were short but nothing less than heartfelt and loving. Remus didn’t tell Frank about the rash on his neck above his collar, nor did he mention that the same one had been on Alice at the start of her treatment.
Alice Longbottom died January 4th, 1982. She always loved New Years. She just had to stick around to see one more. By the fall, Frank couldn’t stay awake for more than a few hours. Remus ran the support group by himself when he was not taking care of his friend. During those hours with Frank, they made plans. Plans for what to do with Frank and Alice’s things after Frank had passed. Plans for how to start interviewing for others to help with the support group. Plans to make sure Remus was going to be okay, though Remus didn’t like to focus so much of their time on himself. He preferred to spend this time fussing over Frank and making sure he was as comfortable as possible.
Frank Longbottom died December 31st, 1982, a few hours before the start of the New Year. Remus thought to himself later, when he was away from the business of the hospital and the crowds of London, that it was fitting that Frank died before the New Year. He wouldn’t want to celebrate without Alice.
Remus takes a short break from running the support group, leaving it to a kind man named Benji while he was mourning. He doesn’t come back until nearly the end of February. Remus is not the type to take personal time, nor is he the type to take a break, but he figured that Frank and Alice and even Mary would come back simply to haunt him if he did not at least rest a bit. Not that he spent much time resting. Between his shifts at the café and trying to pack up Frank and Alice’s things, not much time was left for anything else.
It is March 15th, 1983, when Remus meets Sirius Black.
Walking into the building was one of the hardest parts, Sirius decided. He didn’t much care for other people outside of his people. They tend to be rude and generally wankers if you ask him. But Lily, James, they never cared about Sirius’ gender. Not that they didn’t care, they had just never given it much thought outside of ‘what would you like us to call you?’ and ‘Is it a boy or girl day?’. That’s what made them so great. Of course, Lily didn’t put much stock into gender anyway.
“Society has grown past a need for arbitrary labels like boy and girl, its rather silly we keep stuffing people in boxes they don’t fit in.” Every time the topic came up, she would repeat the same thing. She never was one to beat around the bush, and now Sirius and James can both repeat the phrase alongside her whenever the occasion arises.
Sirius Black is a rather unique individual. The first thing that people notice about him, outside of the eccentric clothes, his model like face, and the propensity to kiss his friends full on the mouth, are his stormy grey eyes that always seem to be filled with a warmth that couldn’t be faked. If you ask Remus the first thing he noticed about Sirius Black, he would say he noticed the startled bark of a laugh that escaped them when their friend made an unexpected joke. If you ask Lily Evans, Sirius’ friend and a bystander to this first meeting, she would say that Remus first noticed Sirius’ legs as Sirius had been twirling around, making the skirt he was wearing spin out and highlight the legs propelling the fabric.
Lily Evans, Sirius Black, and James Potter first walk into the building holding the GLF’s support group, Lavender Hands, on March 15th, 1983. Peter Pettigrew died June 8th, 1982, and his friends finally decide to listen to the voice of reason and try talking about it. Sirius was not happy about this development.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” James sighs.
“Of course this is a good idea,” Lily states, “We’ve all been sat around for 3 months doing nothing! Pete wouldn’t want us to continue like this. We’re going in and if we decide that this isn’t helping, we’ll leave.”
Sirius gives the other two a cheeky grin. “Either way, I say we go for a pint after.”
The three friends look at each other and nod. Lily leads the way farther into the room and up to the desk where a man around the same age as the trio sat at a computer. Sirius grabs James’ hand and lets the taller man pull him along behind the red head.
“Hi there! We’re here for the support group! Lavender hands, I think it’s called?” Lily’s voice was confident as it brakes the silence in front of the desk.
“Right. Right! Yes, this is the right place!” The man points to a pile of stick-on name tags and a Sharpie near the front of the desk. “Name badges and such are just there. We also have a paper to fill out around here somewhere…” He pauses for a moment before shouting over his shoulder into a back room.
“Oi Rems, you know where those sign-in papers went?”
The door opens wider to reveal a tall and rather lanky man. His hair is a tawney brown and so curly, Sirius is sure his hands would get caught if he were to run his fingers through. He is wearing a maroon knit jumper that looked to be about 3 sizes too big and some straight leg jeans with the ankles cuffed.
“It should be around here somewhere…” His voice is deep and had the faintest bit of a Welsh accent. He leans back into the room to look around.
“That’s Remus. He runs the place. I’m Benjamin though most everyone here calls me Benji. I help with the papers and such while he’s off talking to people.” The man at the desk—Benji— says to the group. Lily struck up a conversation with Benji while James nudges his elbow into Sirius’ side.
“Better stop drooling, Pads, or else you’ll never stand a chance.”
Sirius lets out a startled laugh.
“I’ll never stand a chance? Prongs, look at me.” With this, Sirius steps back to twirl in the black skirt he’s wearing. He lifts up his foot behind him to emphasize the flair of the skirt and the decorations on his otherwise black boots catch the light. Purple ribbons are laced through the well-worn pair of Doc Martins and the beads attached on the lace nearest to the toe and at the end of each side twinkle under the building light.
“I absolutely could if I wanted to. Maybe he’s not my type.”
“Sweetheart, you stopped breathing when he came through the door. I think he’s your type.”
Sirius opens his mouth to retort.
“Are you two listening?”
Ah.
Lily stands leaning against the desk with her arms crossed in front of her. She is sharing a look with Benji and the now-returned Remus. Remus, however, seems to have a slight tinge of pink to his cheeks, making his many freckles stand out even more. Sirius notices now the faint silver scars that crisscross Remus’ face as he clears his throat and plays with the hem of his sweater.
“Of course, dear. We were just… waiting on papers?”
Lily doesn’t look impressed at James’ halfhearted excuse. She stands up straighter and, even though she was about two heads shorter than the handsome Welshman, seems far more imposing than him.
“This is Remus. He’s leading the group today.” She says slowly, like talking to children. Her lips are quirked in a small smirk, neither point out that they had remembered the name from the earlier introduction. The two walk over and began the obligatory introductions.
“Hi, sorry, I'm James. I’m Lily’s boyfriend. And this,” He gestures at Sirius, “is Sirius.”
Remus blinks.
“Like the star?”
Sirius pauses for a moment in his polite smile and tilts his head.
Remus flushes again and repeats, “The star? Like the brightest one in the sky? The… um… the dog star?”
Remus coughs into his fist, startling Sirius out of his puppy-eyed staring.
“Yes!” Sirius yells rather abruptly.
Remus and Benji jump while Lily and James seem to be quite used to this sort of dramaticism. Sirius takes a quick glance at the people he has just startled before he clears his throat and starts to explain.
“Sorry, yes it’s… it’s like the star! Most people don’t recognize it, so I wasn’t sure how to react— I was just— yeah. Yep. The star! That’s me. Hello!”
Sirius is sure his face is beet red. Both from talking so quickly and from embarrassment at being so flustered in front of someone so pretty. He runs a quick hand through his hair and takes a breath to collect himself.
“Sirius Black,” he steps forward and puts his hand out, “Hi.”
Remus looks at the hand for a moment before putting his own hand in the smaller one.
“Remus Lupin. Hi to you too.”
Lily glances at James and sees the amused look that he is already pointing at her. She rolls her eyes at the Sirius’ antics and steps forward.
“As endearing as this all is, I believe we have a meeting to get to?” She turns her direction towards James again and extends her elbow for him to take. He loops his arm through.
“This way, was it Benji?”
The man in question gives a brief nod and the couple head off down the adjacent hallway, following the previously unnoticed signs directing new commers to the group’s meeting place.
“We should probably go after them, yeah?” Remus looks down at Sirius and grips his hand a bit tighter for a moment. Sirius swears he can feel a few more scars along the backside of the hand and nearly swoons. Remus lets go. He raises his arm in the direction of the two who had disappeared into one of the rooms along the corridor.
“Shall we?”
“We shall.”
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The room is large. Not aggressively so, but enough that it feels too big, and it makes Sirius’ skin crawl for a moment. There are a few people milling about around a table along the wall opposite the door. It has hot water for tea and coffee, as well as some biscuits. The walls have some posters and fliers advertising different meet ups and marches in the area. Sirius sees one with bold letters overlapping a pink triangle reading, ‘Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries! Food for All! Join STAR in Greenwich Park April 23rd!’ The background of the poster is on a black background, making the white of the text and the pink of the triangle stand out.
In the middle of the room is a circle of chairs, all facing inwards. Remus walks to one with its back to the door. He glances back at Sirius who was still standing in the doorway. He gestures to Sirius and then to the room, an amused eyebrow raised. Sirius sees James and Lily chatting with a skinny bloke in a purple shirt and skull cap near the table.
Sirius makes his way over to the table and grabs a quick cuppa—a splash of milk and more sugar than he will ever admit to in polite company—and scoots over to where James is leaning against the wall. He gives the man’s hand a squeeze and he looks down. James leans down to whisper in his ear.
“You alright, love?”
Sirius hums.
“Just… it’s a lot of people…”
“It’ll be alright. Come ‘ere,” James pulls him a bit closer and kisses the top of his head.
“We’ll make it through, Padfoot. We’ll make it through.”
“Alright everyone!” Remus claps his hands once to get everyone’s attention.
“Let’s get seated and we can start.”
James pulls away from the hug to drag Sirius by the hand to some seats. When Sirius looks, he sees he is seated across the circle from Remus. James is sat to his right and Lily sat to his other side, sandwiching him between the two. The man with the purple shirt sits to James’s other side, holding a cup of tea. Sirius watches as the chairs fill up. He is able to count thirteen in total. There is calmness that spreads through the air as everyone settles.
Sirius doesn’t feel very calm.
Remus clears his throat.
“Alright everyone. Welcome and welcome back. I'm sure we’re aware why we’re here.”
He looks around for a moment. His eyes meet Sirius’ and his mouth upturns a bit.
“Because we have a few new faces, why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves. I’ll start just to get the ball rolling,” He takes a steadying breath. “My name is Remus as many of you know. My friend Mary died in 1980. Alice, Frank, and I started this group the year after and… in ’82… they both died. We made this group to talk about those we loved and lost. And to help others feel… okay again.”
Remus takes another breath before giving a sad sort of smile to the group. He gestures to the right of him, and Sirius loses focus. He starts to play with James’ fingers, rubbing his thumb over the smooth nails.
Sirius feels Lily shift beside him as she sits up straighter to introduce herself.
“I’m Lily,” she raises her hand in a quick wave, “I’m new here. We,” She gestures quickly to the three of them, “lost our friend Pete last June. We’ve been struggling with what to do for awhile and figured talking about it couldn’t hurt.”
Sirius takes a breath before looking up at the group. “I’m Sirius. Like the star not like the… word. Um… Anyway, like Lils said. It probably about time to start sorting through all this stuff. So… here we are…”
James’ introduction goes about the same, though in Sirius’ eyes much smoother than his own stumbling. James always was better with strangers. After James, the man Sirius had seen talking with the couple earlier starts to speak.
“I’m Kingsley and I’ve been coming here for about a year and a half. I lost my brother 2 years ago.”
And around the room they go. Everyone dutifully giving their introductions to each other, though Sirius notices that they seem to be the only new people joining the group. Remus starts on about grief and how it effects daily life but Sirius’ attention wanes. How had Peter been gone for so long? He had always been sickly, maybe that’s why it wasn’t a surprise when he had to go to hospital again. He never said anything to make them believe otherwise. It had been nearly a year since he died. Ten months since they put his body in the ground. He had barely 21 years to his life before it had ended. 14 of those years spent with Sirius and James and Lily.
Now he’s gone.
No more late nights with Pete after having a nightmare about whatever story about Sirius’ family made the headlines. No more plotting against James after he’s annoyed us both with his early morning escapades. No more visits at random times because he missed cuddling with Lily. No scary movie marathons, or games of charades while pissed off our asses, or baking a mountain of cookies for the holidays. Sirius wouldn’t be able to have any of that again. Not the way that it used to be. Not with Peter being…
“—lright, Sirius?”
He looks up. Remus is standing in front of him with a worried sort of look on his face. Sirius blinks for a moment before looking around. Mostly everyone is gone now. James and Lils are off to the side of the room with the bloke from before, Kingsley, chatting away. And Remus is still in front of him. Why was he in front of him? Did he ask him a question?
“Huh?”
Brilliant.
“I asked if you were alright? You seemed out of it during group and I wanted to be sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. I’m—sorry, I’m alright.” Sirius fiddles with his hands, playing with a silver ring he had on his pinky finger. “I just… get lost in thought sometimes. S’all… You alright?”
Remus looks at him for a moment before he starts to smile, though it looks like he’s trying not to.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”
Sirius stands quickly, stumbling a bit, and walks over to some of the posters on the wall.
“Who designs these, by the way? They look great!”
Remus pauses for a moment before following. His smile is bigger now. His curls bounce a bit above his eyes as he walks.
“Big fan of art, are we?”
“I love it! Art is one of those things that really get a what a person is, ya know?” Sirius looks at Remus out of the corner of his eye. Remus is staring at him with a large grin. Sirius catches a glimpse of dimples on the taller man’s cheeks and quickly refocuses on the poster in front of him. Not that he was focused beforehand…
The poster that caught his eye is black and white with big streaks of red through it. It’s laid out like an old-fashioned wanted poster. There are three pictures in the middle of the poster with text that read: “WANTED: THE IRON PARTY OUT OF OFFICE”. The center photo was of Margret Thatcher and on either side… Sirius’ parents. All of them had big red Xs crossing over their faces.
Sirius’ smile fell. He knew he couldn’t run from it forever. His disowning had been a rather public one, seeing as his parents were so prominent in the government. He just didn’t expect to see their faces here. Even though they’re not really here, Sirius’ insides feel like they’ve tied into a knot. His face is numb. His chest is tight. Is he breathing? Sirius isn’t sure he’s breathing.
He hears voices around him. There’s a shout and he flinches. He’s back in that house again. His mother is screaming at him. He just wanted to try on some of her eyeshadow. He just wanted to look pretty like her. His father is seething in his chair. Glass shatters as his mother throws a plate. Sirius sees red.
Blood.
He’s bleeding.
A shard of the plate is in his hand, and it hurts. His hand hurts. His mother hurt him and she’s yelling and his father is staring and…
And…
And something warm touches his face. His head jerks back. He hears a soft sound. Someone’s talking to him. He’s leaning against something warm and nothing at all like his childhood home. Sirius cracks his eyes open. When did he close his eyes?
James is there. His arm is raised and Sirius realizes that this must be who the hand on his face belongs to. James’ lips are moving. He smiles a bit once he realizes that Sirius is looking at him. Sirius raises his own hand to hold on to James’ arm. Sirius’ pale skin stands out against James’ arm.
“Welcome back, Pads. How ya feeling?”
Sirius takes a moment to take stock of his body. He’s sat on the floor. He sees legs beside his. Someone’s sitting behind him. They’re body is warm, and Sirius relaxes a bit farther into their hold. His head is still fuzzy and he can feel the beginnings of a headache but he’s no worse for wear. He slowly nods and tells James as much.
“Well, that’s not nearly as bad as it could have been. You feel up for standing?”
Sirius reaches his hand out to put it in James’ outstretched one. He lets out a grunt and pulls Sirius up. Sirius looks around to see Lily waiting on a chair farther back. Looking behind himself, Sirius catches sight of Remus slowly standing from where he had been supporting him.
“Sorry… I normally have a better grip on that…”
Lily stands up and makes her way over to the group.
“Siri, we’ve talked about this. You can’t control your attacks. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Sirius looks at Lily through the hair that had fallen in his eyes. He kicks his foot against the ground and clears his throat before glancing at Remus. He straightens as Remus meets his gaze. He isn’t looking at him like he’s broken or gross, so that’s a good sign. He does look a bit concerned though…
Sirius stares at the hazel eyes for a moment longer before swallowing.
“Well, I suppose if I’m not allowed to say sorry… then I should say thank you. For… um…”
Sirius picks at his fingernail polish, the blue sparkles chipping away under his movements. He takes a breath.
“Thank you. I didn’t expect…” Sirius grabs James’ hand and squeezes. James holds his hand firmly and Sirius feels Lily’s hand on his shoulder.
“I didn’t expect to see my parents while I was here, is all.”
Sirius can’t bring himself to look at Remus as he waits for a reaction.
“Sirius… I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. And… I agree with Lily. No need to say sorry.”
Sirius stiffens. He never did get comfortable talking about his parents. But… could Remus really be okay with it? That his family is… That his family supports… Could Remus really be okay with him being Sirius Black. Disowned and disgraced child of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. The queer child that they publicly berated for being unnatural and, after which, joined fucking Margret Thatcher in destroying everybody’s lives.
No.
Remus couldn’t be okay with that. But when Sirius looks up at him again, he could see nothing but a calm acceptance and more than a bit of concern. Remus gives him a soft smile that makes Sirius’ heart melt, and he can’t help but feel better.
James clears his throat and claps his hands together.
“Right. Well, now that that’s settled, who wants a pint?”
Sirius lets out a startled laugh, and behind him, he can hear Lily groan.
“God, a pint would be brilliant mate.” Sirius tips his head back and stretches.
Sirius hears James inviting Remus along and Remus agreeing to join the trio. The four chat as they make their way to a pub down the street. The March air is surprisingly warm, though Sirius doesn’t notice much other than the warmth from Remus walking next to him and occasionally brushing his arm as they walk.
James leads the way to a local pub called the Hogs Head. The group makes their way inside and have a few beers. Remus spends most of the time glued to Sirius’ side, and Sirius pretends he doesn’t feel his cheeks flush with every bump of their knees under the table or every time Remus laughs at one of his jokes. And Sirius definitely does not notice the way his heart flutters in his chest when he cautiously explains Remus that sometimes he isn’t a boy, sometimes he’s a girl or something else entirely, and the taller man simply smiled and said that, “As long as you’re happy, I’ll be happy too.”
So Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily spend their night chatting away.
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It’s late when they decide to leave the pub. The air is colder and the wind is nipping at Sirius’ exposed legs uncomfortably. It’s times like these that Sirius wishes he owned more long skirts. But he wouldn’t enjoy them nearly as much as the shorter, spinney skirts he favored. He shivers a bit and walks a bit closer to Remus. James and Lily are walking a bit further behind them and Sirius couldn’t fault them for wanting a bit of privacy. He looks up at the taller man beside him and smiles. He definitely couldn’t fault them.
“Fucking disgusting…”
Sirius looks around at the harsh words. A group of about four men come into sight. A few of them have cigarettes in their hands, Sirius swears he can smell alcohol coming from the men, though he can’t seem to make out any bottles. He can see a taller man with long blond hair in clothes that briefly remind him of what some of his posh cousins wear. A man with shoulder length black hair seems to have been the one who spoke. His hair is greasy, and his clothes are all black. He nearly blends into the darkness around them. As Sirius looks closer, he realizes… he knows this greasy git. They went to school together!
“Snape? The hell you doin’ here?” James asks from somewhere behind Sirius. He and Remus have come to a halt.
“It’s fucking disgusting! A bunch of poufters prancing around neighborhoods! Benders like you are the ones who are ruining this country.” Snape spits at Sirius and Remus. His spittle lands at their feet. The men smoking throw their cigarettes to the ground. They start to close in on the group of friends.
“Maybe we should teach you your place in the world. What do you say, Black? A reminder of mummy and daddy before you go?” The blond man laces venom into every word, and Sirius’ blood runs cold. He hopes it doesn’t show on his face. Remus shifts beside him. He steps farther in front of Sirius, using his body to shield him from the group. James comes up on Sirius’ other side and Sirius feels a hand grab onto the back of his shirt. When he glances around, he can see Lily with a steely coldness in her eyes that shows how she feels about the men harassing them.
“Why don’t you piss on out of here, Snape? No one wants to listen to your bullshit.” James clenches his fists at his side.
Snape walks closer.
“Why don’t you make me, Potter.” Snape shoves James hard in the chest. He stumbles back into Sirius who lets out a small yelp as he feels an elbow collide with his stomach. Sirius feels winded briefly, before he tries to straighten.
He sees Snape and the other men start to advance. Before he can take another step, Sirius sees blur from the corner of his eye.
Remus lunges forward. He tackles Snape to the ground. The man lets out a startled sound as his back hits the concrete. His head makes a sickening thunk sound as it hits the pavement. Remus is on top of him, punching him in the face. The blond man tries to pry Remus off but James gets there first. He swings his fist, and Sirius has the distinct pleasure of watching that ridiculous hair swing in the night as James’ knuckles make contact with the man’s jaw. The other two men had started to run as soon as Remus had tackled Snape.
Lily steps out from where she was behind Sirius. She walks over to Remus and catches his arm mid-swing. She nods her head towards where James is fighting the other man. Remus’ chest is heaving. His curls stick to his face, and Sirius takes a moment to appreciate the way the sweat on his face makes the scars on his face stand out. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone more attractive. Remus rises from his crouched position and makes his way over to where James is. The blond man groans again as James gets another punch in. He falls to the ground near where Snape had been laying and Sirius watches as the two scramble away.
Remus’ knuckles were raw and bloody. His maroon sweater had a few dark stains on the front and around the cuffs of the sleeves from Snape’s, presumably, broken nose. Sirius thinks for a moment that he has never wanted to kiss someone more in his life than when watching Remus walk over to him with a bashful smile on his face and covered in the blood of someone who was willing to attack them. He vaguely notices Lily cupping James’ cheek and insuring that he’s alright. If he were to focus on their conversation a bit more, he would hear James’ assuring her that he’s had worse and that a few scrapes won’t kill him. But Sirius only has eyes for the gorgeous Welshman standing in front of him.
“Are you alright?” Remus’ voice is soft, and Sirius’ heart flutters pointedly. He scoffs in disbelief before replying.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“’S nothing I can’t handle. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to mark up your pretty face.” Remus’ lips curl into a mischievous smirk, “And I don’t think you would want to get blood on your skirt.”
Sirius barks out a laugh.
“You’re probably right! How would I survive such a travesty? You’re my knight in shining maroon jumper.”
The pair chuckle at Sirius’ antics, and Sirius can’t help but notice the bubble of tension that has dissipated in his chest. It was there the whole night, but only now that it was gone did he feel the weight of the pressure that he no longer had to deal with.
“It’s a full moon.”
Sirius looks up curiously at Remus, then at the night sky. The moon was bright and most certainly full. There was hardly a cloud in sight and as Sirius looked, he could clearly see the star he was named after. He glanced at Remus again.
“My ma always said that people act crazy on full moons. That the moon has a power over us, just like with the tides.”
Sirius hums and considers for a moment before looking back at the sky.
“I think she’s right.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“What makes you say that?” Sirius can hear the smile in his voice.
“Because… I want to do something crazy right about now.” He turns to look at Remus only to find him already looking back. Sirius brings his eyes up to meet the taller man’s.
“What’s stopping you?” Remus whispered the words into the night air, as if speaking too loudly would scare away Sirius and any chance he had at finding out what craziness he could bring. Sirius stepped even closer to him.
The toe of his boots bump into Remus’ Converse. He moves slowly, carefully. He tilts his head up and raises his heels off the ground. His hands gently reach out to grab bruised and bloody ones, and he uses the grip to tug softly. Remus follows the pull immediately, intertwining their fingers without so much as a twitch at what must be painful for his newly bruised hands. He leans down and meets Sirius’ lips halfway. His lips are warm and slightly chapped against Sirius’ and he can’t help but melt into the heat. Sirius never knew a kiss could make his heart feel like it’s trying to beat out of his chest. He stands taller and chases the feeling, pouting slightly when Remus pulls back.
Their faces are still impossibly close. Sirius can count every eyelash and freckle on Remus’ face even in only the moonlight. Remus has a soft smile on his lips, and Sirius grins in return.
“You’re cold.”
“You could warm me up.”
“I’d be happy too.”
Remus gazes into Sirius’ eyes and begins to lean down.
“Oi, Padfoot! Could ya snog another time? I’ve got a killer headache.”
Sirius groans loudly and takes half a step back. James is leaning against a nearby fence with Lily tucked under his arm. She snorts and tucks her head into James’ side, her hair falling to shield her face. He has an obnoxious grin on his face, and Sirius sticks up two fingers in his direction. Remus chuckles at the show and takes his own step back before stretching his arms with an exaggerated yawn.
“Come on, then. Let’s get the kids home.”
Remus shoots Sirius another smile before settling his arms around Sirius’ shoulders. The couples walk back to their shared flat chatting and laughing loudly the whole way. No one mentions when Remus spends the night curled around Sirius, nor do they mention the soft giggles they hear the next morning coming from the kitchen as the two share quiet confessions over breakfast. And definitely no one mentions the shared happiness spread through each person that the household hadn’t seen in months, slowly returning to its proper place. Sure, it looks different now that it did with Peter, but there is no less love to be shared.
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It’s a warm day in May 1984, and Sirius is lounging on the couch. She has one of her arms laying dramatically over her face and the other flung above her haphazardly. The tv is playing in front of her, but she is more focused on getting comfortable. She begins to resituate herself when a door down the hall opens and catches her attention. Sirius glances up and enjoys the sight of a sleepy Remus Lupin walking out of their shared room. She springs up, flinging herself into the taller man’s open arms.
“Moony! You’re finally awake!”
Remus hums. He untangles one of his hands from around Sirius to rub at his eyes.
“Shhh… too ‘arly…” He pulls Sirius closer and presses his face into the crook of her neck. Her giggles soon become a full on laugh as he rubs his face against her cheek.
“St-op! That t-tickles,” She begins to flush as she struggles for a moment to catch her breath. Remus relents, still holding her close. He starts to gently sway to each side, taking Sirius with him as she calms down.
“And it’s not early,” She says between deep breaths, “It’s past noon!”
Remus huffs a sigh into her ear, her hair blowing back a bit with the force.
“Moooooony!”
“Hmm?”
“Come on, wake up!”
Sirius pats Remus’ back as she says this. Slowly, he begins to unstick himself from his comfortable position clinging to the smaller. He looks down at Sirius and shoots her a tired grin. His hair is sticking up in odd places and Sirius sees the imprint of where he had his face smushed against the pillow on his cheek. Her heart thumps in her chest. Just over a year of them knowing each other and eleven months since he moved in with the trio—eleven months since they started dating—and Sirius falls a bit more in love just seeing that grin.
“What are your words today?” Remus asks this question every morning. He had caught on quickly to James and Lily’s morning tradition and Sirius can’t help but wonder how he had ever been nervous telling the man in the first place.
Sirius takes a moment to think before responding.
“She for now, but I think I’m moving into a bit of he…” Sirius frowns a bit. She didn’t like not knowing her words, yet she could feel the girl slipping away. The femininity that she woke up with doesn’t quite fit anymore. She glances down at her outfit. She had put on a simple black wrap dress that came to just below her knees, but now it didn’t sit right. She tugged on the fabric a bit, her frown deepening.
“You can go change if you need to.”
Sirius looks away from the dress, nodding to herself—himself — before walking into their shared room to go change.
By the time he had settled on an outfit and returned to the living room, he could hear James and Lily milling about in the kitchen. Remus has taken up his spot on the couch and is nursing a cuppa. He had turned up the volume on the tv while he was changing and Sirius can now hear the reporter clearly. Remus is watching the segment with interest.
“—ust in: The Iron Party has seen another upset in their campaign. Orion and Walburga Black are refusing to comment. Their youngest and now only son, Regulus Black, was caught in the throes of sodomy with one of his peers at Hogwarts University. The other student is unknown at this time. How will the Black family deal with another disgraced child during such a vital time in thi—”
Sirius switches off the tv. He pauses, still standing in front of the screen. The image of the reporter slowly fades as the tv settles into darkness. He turns towards the couch and cuddles into a waiting Remus.
“Deep breaths, darling. Deep breaths.” Remus slows his breathing for Sirius to match. Sirius isn’t quite sure how much time passes, but he is warm and comfortable. His eyes fall closed, and he listens to Remus’ heartbeat. He can hear it echoing in his chest between the steady rising and falling of his breathing. At some point, Sirius can feel more than hear Remus talking quietly to someone else in the room. Probably James checking in on the couple.
Sirius doesn’t remember falling asleep. He does, however, remember waking up. He’s still laying on Remus, though now there is a blanket over the pair. Sirius shifts a bit, trying to figure out what woke him up.
A knock.
Someone’s knocking on the door.
Sirius almost doesn’t hear it, but he has always been a light sleeper. It certainly helps that the couch they are laying on is in the same room as the front door. Sirius slides off of the couch, and Remus huffs a bit in his sleep. He takes a moment as he stands to readjust the blanket over the sleeping man.
With his arms raised over his head in a much-needed stretch, Sirius makes his way to the door. Half-awake and mid-yawn, he opens the door without a thought. His grey eyes meet the eyes of the unexpected guest. Sirius feels bile rise in his throat. There are bruises and dried blood all over the other person’s face, and Sirius really wishes he didn’t recognize the sight with such ease. But how could he forget the sight that haunted him his whole childhood?
Regulus Black is bleeding on his welcome mat.
Sirius blinks. Then blinks again.
“Hi?” Regulus’ voice is scratchy, like he had been crying for hours. Or screaming…
Sirius opens the door wider and pulls his brother inside. In the light of the house, Regulus doesn’t look nearly as bad as he did in the dimly lit hallway. His left eye is nearly swollen shut, and there are some scrapes along his face like he had rubbed it against something rough, but Sirius couldn’t see anywhere that might need stitches. Still…
“JAMES! GET IN HERE! LILY, GET THE FIRST AID KIT!”
Sirius leads him to the couch where Remus is now sitting up. He quickly assesses the situation before helping clear space on the coffee table in front of where he was just sleeping. James rushes in from down the hall. Sirius doesn’t look up from where he is checking Regulus’ eyes for a concussion.
“James, go get a bowl of warm water and a washcloth. After that, he’ll probably need a change of clothes. These have blood on them. You’ll be closer to his size.”
James nods and beelines for the kitchen. Sirius can hear him rummaging for a bowl. Remus is still carting things off the table when Lily comes in with the first aid kit. She falters for only a moment at the sight before stealing herself. She puts the kit down on the newly cleared table and beckons Remus away from where he had started nervously hovering without anything else to move. Sirius opens the kit and pulls out disinfectant and some bandages. James comes in with the water, and Sirius starts cleaning away blood.
He works in relative silence. Only talking to ask his friends for assistance or to ask Regulus where he is hurt and if anything feels broken.
Regulus starts to relax by the end of Sirius’ fussing, soothed by the familiarity of it all. Even if it’s not the exact same as when they were younger, Sirius is safe and here and that’s what matters to Regulus.
By the time Regulus is fed and in a pair of James’ comfiest pajamas and asleep in Sirius and Remus’ room, the little family was exhausted. They sink into the sofa and nurse whatever tea managed to get made.
“It’s been years since I’ve seen him. I didn’t think… I didn’t know he was…” Sirius sighed, “I didn’t know.”
“Sirius, this isn’t your fault.” Lily’s hand is warm on his.
“I left him there.”
“You did not leave him there, Pads. You left an abusive home after they kicked you out.” James practically spits out the last part of the sentence.
“He can’t go back there,” Sirius looks up at the group. His family. Regulus is in the other room—His brother— and he can’t go back to his parents. “I won’t let him. They’ll kill him.”
Sirius’ voice cracks and his eyes burn.
“Of course he’s not going back, sweetheart.” Sirius sags against Remus and breathes in his scent. His family won’t let him lose Regulus again. He hadn’t realized he was shaking until he relaxed against his boyfriend and the shaking stopped.
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December brings many things for many people. The morning of the 18th sees Remus up bright and early. He has commandeered the kitchen to prepare for the holiday dinner later that night. It was the group’s first Chanukah together, and Remus wanted it to be perfect. Sirius is banned from the kitchen after a failed attempt at making a packet of ramen. Apparently, adding water wasn’t something that came naturally to him. Lily lost her kitchen privileges after her baby bump required her to start wearing the stretchy pregnancy pants full time. Regulus is slowly learning how to cook but is still only allowed to help prepare ingredients. He is standing next to Remus, carefully shredding potatoes and onions for latkes while Remus was working on the brisket. While preparing that, Remus is planning a veggie wrap in his head for James, seeing as the man didn’t eat beef.
Remus glances up as James walks in. The man walks past Remus with a tired nod before wrapping his arms around Regulus’ middle. His hair is sticking up every which way, and as he bends down to tuck his face into his boyfriend’s neck, Remus can see the cowlick at the crown of his head standing nearly straight out.
He can see through the door that Lily is slowly making her way to the couch with a book. Sirius must be having a lie in. James separates from Regulus with a quick kiss to the younger man’s lips before busying himself making two cups of tea. He pulls down his own mug and Lily’s before setting the kettle and getting the milk. Remus sets the brisket in the slow cooker with the sides and sets it cooking. He quickly wipes up his area before telling Regulus that they can finish up after he comes back. The man hums in agreement before clearing up a bit of his mess and heading off to where James and Lily are waiting for him in the living room.
Glancing at the sofa on his way to his room, Remus can see the three snuggled up on the sofa. Regulus has wormed his way behind Lily, quietly chatting with James as he lays beside the reading woman. Regulus has his hand tangled in Lily’s hair, twirling it around his fingers as he talks.
Remus can’t help but smile at the sight. To think that just a few months ago he was too nervous to be in the same room as all of them without Sirius glued to his side, and now Regulus is in a happy relationship with a child on the way.
The walk to their shared room is short, and when Remus opens the door, he takes a moment to relish in the fact that he gets to share his life with Sirius Black. He tiptoes over to the bed where Sirius is starfished out. Remus carefully climbs onto the mattress and presses a kiss to his sleeping partner’s face. He watches as gorgeous grey eyes flutter open, and a smile breaks out on a sleepy face.
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Morning,” His voice is deep and still heavy with sleep and Remus has never been happier.
“What time is it?” Sirius’ hair is frizzy where he was laying on it and sticks up as he sits up.
“Just gone 7:30.” Remus presses another kiss to Sirius’ cheek and watches as his face flushes. “I love you, you know that?”
Sirius’ tired smile breaks into a full-on grin.
“I love you too, Moony.”
Remus lets himself be pulled down into Sirius’ arms. In this moment, nothing can touch them. Nothing in the world could pull them apart. They stay in bed for another hour, simply holding each other. Their little family has a hell of a lot of cracks in it, but they make each other whole. They wipe away each other’s tears and ice each other’s bruises. And they have never felt more lucky.