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The score was 2-1. Real Madrid was closing in on its victory against PXG.
Real Madrid had the ball. A pass from Sae sent the ball flying to their striker's foot as if it was metal and his feet magnets. Beautifully destructive as ever.
Rin saw it coming. Sae didn't try to hide it either. It was a simple pass and score. As if he was mocking Rin.
And why wouldn't he. Rin had thought, stupidly thought that he was close to his brother's level. No. During this match it was clear that Sae wasn't serious in the U20 match. Except for perhaps the last two minutes. Perhaps. Even those may have been a joke. As Rin still struggled to no avail to steal the ball from him.
Real Madrid strikers were machines. Machines and Sae was their Mechanic. They were always where he wanted them. In the perfect spot, to score or to fake or to pass. He had his full of choices this time, not just one antenna freak.
Even the one goal by PXG was the fruit of the three minutes by Loki. The rest of their efforts were poured into defending.They barely pushed Sae back to the other side of the field. The antenna freak was getting more violent by the minute, already one yellow card in his avenue, till Sae lured him into a trap to tackle him. The result was a cursed blessing of him getting a red card.
Rin knew this was his last chance, not to even win, but to merely, pathetically, save some of his dignity.
So, He knew it was a dangerous space. It reminded him of when he jumped infront of that freak's foot, but this time he didn't have that free space to fall. He had the pillar behind him.
The striker's foot, he had a name, but Rin can barely remember his face now. Yes, his foot hit Rin's head, giving him a bitter nostalgia, till he realised the bastard intended to kick downwards.
A foot to the head kicking him downwards on the pillar.
Time slowed down and he knew he was gonna hit the back of his head.. and he was falling..
"RIN!"
"Itoshi.."
"Itoshi Rin ..."
"WHERE ARE THE FUCKING MEDICS "
"Sae, calm do.."
" Move away Move away..."
The voices were floating in and out in the darkness. Muffled as if he was under a blanket. At some point he only heard them form one ear. He recognised Sae's voice once. The one yelling sounded like him, but he doubted it. He wanted to reach and grab a voice to hold one. Grab a voice? Grab a hand. Where was his hands ? He was flat on his back. Someone gently slapping his face. Those bastards..
" Rin, Rin answer me... "
"Itoshi Rin, Can you please open your eyes"
He tried to open his eyes. An unintended groan left his lips that didn't help his cause. Fear started to set his claws in when he realised how his body was out of control. His consciousness stopped fluctuating, but It was as if his mind didn't yet resettle in his body.
"Shouldn't you take him to a hospital ?"
"We will, We're trying to establish the damage and try to stablize him accordingly. Itoshi Rin, Please try again to open your eyes if you can hear me"
If he had the ability to yell, he would have used every curse in his books to shut them up. Idiots think it's easy to open his eyes.
"Underlashes junior is taking a nap ? Getup you baby. You're looking pathetic"
Rage range through him. What was once a numb body, was now a hot blooded monster willing to regain control against nature's catastrophes. Because fuck that antenna freak.
Rin opened his eyes.
To Nothing.
Darkness.
Complete darkness.
He opened his eyes and closed them. Yes, His eyes are open. Open.
" Can you see me, Itoshi Rin ? "
He could barely hear the words as his heart thundered into his ears. His throat closed against whatever air was left in his lungs. Something heavy moved down in his stomach. It was like a nightmare where his body wasn't his. It was a nightmare and this body isn't him anymore.
He can't see. Blind. He was blind.
"No.." He barley croaked the word. He almost cried for them to help him.
" Itoshi Rin, Can you see me ?"
" I FUCKING SAID NO. I CAN'T SEE "
His heart hurt in his chest, his lungs burnt, his throat sandy.. They were all silent, then they all started talking in unison. Voices were still clear, but words were aliens to him.
It's a nightmare. He's not really here. It's just the night before the game and he's nervous. He was a sleep.
"He's going into a painc attack. Breathe, Itoshi Rin. We're taking you to a hospital to be treated. Breathe"
No, It all was too logical to be a nightmare. He remembers how he got here. He feels the entirety of his body going rouge. It was real. He was blind.
"Rin"
His life was over.
"Rin"
Maybe even the hit could kill him. He wishes ...
"RIN!"
He felt a hand grab his. A hand he knows. A hand that used to ruffle his hair. Firmly now holding his hand and squeezing.
"Rin, breathe. It's going to be ok"
A voice he can never forget. Rin could feel the voice rippling through the darkness. Firm. Almost authoritive. That inner child in him, the one he spent days on end trying to bury, easily took over and obeyed, and before Rin could realise he found himself taking one deep breath after the other, and before he could stop the stupid child he whispered
" Niichan... I can't.. see"
" You'll be just fine. Rin. We'll get you treated and it'll be alright" Sae's voice went gentler than Rin's memories. Kind enough to break him. He was on the verge of sobbing right here and now, he squeezed Sae's hand and bit his inner checks to hold on to his dignity.
" We'll move you now. Keep breathing. You're doing great"
It hurt when they wrapped something around his neck, and then moved him over to a stretcher to take him away. For an ironical moment he thought it was better that he couldn't see the other players watching this pathetic show. But all through it he held on to his brother's hand as if it was his last branch on an avalanche. He wanted to leave it. Sae must have thought him very pathetic... then why was he moving his thumb in circles over Rin's hand.
"Sae, Where you going ?" A voice he heard before asked as they started moving. His brother didn't respond
"Sae, Hey! He will be in safe hands. You still have the game"
" You can't just leave."
Sae stopped walking causing Rin's hand to be yanked backwards as the Medical team didn't stop. Rin felt the words "Please, Stay with me" almost slip past his lips, but he swallowed them and loosened his hand...yet, Sae's hand didn't leave his.
"Substitute me, Luna." His older brother's voice was low, covered in fury that made Rin shiver.
"Just this once" Sae said
Each word felt as an ice dager on each own. Separate, serrated, and released to give the words beneath wounds to entre 'or else, it won't be just once'
Rin didn't hear anything other than his brother's footsteps next to him.
.................................
The way to hospital was long and torturous. Maybe it wasn't that far, but the darkness made everything endless.
Sae's hand somehow was still in his. Shame truly settled in now. This was his greatest humiliation. Still a child who can't leave his brother's hand out of fear that he'll drown in this black sea.
The darkness was still unscathed. Endless. It feels cold. It tastes bitter. Its air thick and hard to take in..
"Rin.. Breathe. It will be ok"
"AND FUCKING HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT"
It's here again. That thing that devours his mind and makes him spit his thickest venom.
" I saw this happen before to a teammate, It was temporary. This too is going to be temporary. Right, Ambulance guy ?" Sae's voice was almost bored.
" Ambula.. um..Yes, Head traumas could cause temporary blindness"
" And it could be permanent" Rin whispered. His head hurt. He felt nauseous.
" Don't jump to conclusions. Acting upon the worst case scenario is illogical. Imagining it for no gain is stupid" Sae's voice with his ever monotoned bored color steadied Rin's breathing to a similar rhythm.
" That is without counting the advanced medical shenanigans that could fix it even if it was something other than your body deciding that you need to learn a lesson"
Sae and his logic. Rin might have hated that rationality anyother day, but now with his brain compromised he convinced himself all Sae says must be true.
"Shenanigans? " The EMT must have been insulted again.
Rin almost laughed, but the idea of laughter , of normality , as if this was anything but a twist of reality that will eventually be cut and thrown away to oblivion, it scared him. Apparently everything in this darkness scares him.
...................
A physical examination, many questions, a scan, beeping sounds and pickering needles and cold metals and the smell of disinfectants. He tolerated them. Barely. Sae had to leave his hand at some point and he hadn't held it since. It must have looked embarrassing. People definitely identified them too. Again he was glad he didn't see their looks of disgust.
"You have a concussion. The examinations along with other symptoms tells us that it's not more than grade 2. Moderate. Takes about 10 days of rest and it relieves on its own. However, The blindness doesn't fit in. It usually occurs with severe head trauma. We sadly couldn't find a definitive cause" The doctor said.
"What..what does that mean?"
" We will be needing a MRI scan to find if there's a damage to the nerves. We scheduled you for one at 8 am tomorrow"
" What time is it now ?"
" 9:32 pm" Sae answered him.
"and if you find nerve damage. How will you treat it ?" Sae continued
"Unfortunately, It will be permanent"
Silent darkness was there was for a long breath.
"But,there's still a chance, a small chance, that it's truly the concussion. To be honest with you ,It will be rare, but still possible. At any rate, you need to rest and sleep as much as you can"
.......
Permanent
Permanent
A rare possibility
Permanent
The words kept waving around him in the dark sea, and he was too tired to try to swim. He just let himself drown. He hasn't realized how much of a fight he was actually putting, till he felt himself go down and down. He could swear he saw the waves of darkness move around him. He fell down farther. He will be crushed by the pressure soon enough.
"Rin, He said there's still a chance.." Came Sae's kind voice to break him. Holding his hand once more.
" Stop, Niichan, just stop" He whimpered. The tears falling by the sides of cheeks. Funny, How he could almost feel them blurr the darkness.
He doesn't care if he looks pathetic now. There's no more football. He will go back to being the pathetic little brother with no objections. He wouldn't have won anyways.
" No, Rin,No" Sae whispered. Two hands came to his face wiping his tears away. His hands were warm. His touch not gentle, but he could feel Sae's kindness seep through it. The kindness he remembers from his childhood.
" You will be fine. You're very lucky. You will be that rare possibility"
Rin didn't have anything to say. He didn't know whether or not he believed Sae. He only cried harder as a response.It hurt. Hurt to cry and hurt to stay silent. He let himself drown.
"Shhhh, It's ok. It's ok. Just sleep for now"
Rin shook his head. How could he sleep in a such nightmare ? He was scared he would be one with the darkness forever. He's let himself drown. But like a suicider, his nature is to thrash around to try to have one more breathe.
" Rin, please. You need to rest"
" ....no..It won't matter. I won't be playing football.... I wanted to play.. with you again..." He hiccuped the words around his sobs, words that once felt like venom he swallowed everyday. They just slipped away. Maybe those really were his last breaths under water.
"Oh, Rin.." Rin found himself in Sae's arms. Wrapped around him and taking him away from the darkness. His hands on his back moving up and down warming him made him aware of how cold he was. He buried his face in Sae's chest and let the sobs free, clutshing at his jersey. Every sob left this body with no thoughts. Yet there no thoughts left in him as time went by.
And time was lost on him. Everything endless in the darkness, but his eyes closed on Sae's chest were away from the cold void. At some point he heard Sae's lullabies of shushs and words of comfort.. and he thinks he heard him talk ..pray to God.. He also felt himself being shifted to a more comfortable position that sent him even further away from the void.
The feeling so nostalgic. He was four years old again. And five. And six. And seven. And every time when he had a nightmare and crawled into Sae's bed and not his parents. Because Niichan could keep him safe. The neck. The smell of the fields grass. The hand moving on his back. The hand in his hair... but this time not on the back of his head..yeah because the back of his head hurts.. why is that .. doesn't matter.. he wants to sleep...
.................
Rin felt hot. It was too warm. His body sore. He was enveloped in something.
He opened his eyes. His first meeting was with someone's neck, then down to a white and blue jersey with Real Madrid's logo , then up to a brownish pink hair, and a very familiar face.
Sae was holding him in his arms, cramped on hospital bed ? Must have looked ridiculous. Two grown teenagers the short cuddling the taller while one is still in his team's uniform. His brother looked like a mess. His hair in disarray and with bags under eyes. Even in sleep he was frowning. With what an idiot could think is a dried trail of tears on his face..
He stayed there as his brain slowly regained his functions.
And he yelled at the top of his lungs " Niichan !"
Sae almost jumped completely from the bed. Only Rin's weight, which he still held on to, kept him from that. "What..What's wrong ?! "
"You look terrible" Rin smiled.
Sae looked dumbfounded, then insulted, then his eyes filled with realisation as they looked deep into Rin's
"You look worse" Sae smiled so widely Rin almost cried again.