Chapter Text
It's been a year since Korn and Gun had a belligerent dick measuring contest that ended in a dead Gun and loss of a lot of lifes. One year had changed shit load of things, with Kinn taking up the heir's responsibility and Porsche being the minor family head.
Pete and Vegas along with Macau became an integrated part of the family because with Kinn and Porsche being almost practically married, there really weren't two distinguished families now. Korn's health had been deteriorating , which was a good thing in most of the population's opinion even when they won't say it out loud because the old mf is always upto some shit!
The last year had also fucked up Chay's life, for good or bad, he still fails to fathom. All money problems have been solved, he had his brother by his side (not really by his side, since Porsche was mostly busy with Kinn but atleast Chay saw him once in a while), no debt collectors on his doorstep every other day and he practically lived in a lavish hotel now, because this place can't be his home…won't be..ever!
With his heart being taken out , crushed in pieces and being trampled upon, Chay was able to manage himself just okay. He also got a best friend and confidant in Macau, he found him to be most sane among all theerapanyakuns he knew. He's finally started to attend university too and doesn't really want to think about what it may have cost or how many strings Porsche needed to pull to get him in the university in mid sem. As much as he wanted to run away from music , from the person who was his inspiration to study it, he couldn't. He decided to study sound engineering and music production, not quite running away, but not being close enough to get hurt. No matter how much he tries, Kim's voice just won't fucking leave him alone! 'Why don't you stay?' he'd asked and then ran away! Just like every time. And now, Kim was free to play whatever game he feels like, Chay won't play, won't get played!
No matter where everyone else proceeded and reached in the past year, Kim remained stagnant, for him nothing changed. He was running away then , he's still running. From his thoughts, from the darkness, from his regrets, his feelings and Chay. Chay, the owner of his heart, the most important person in his life, who Kim can see but can't touch, listen but can't talk to. Day by day, he tries to run away from Chay and every night he finds himself surrounded by him, his love, his Chay.
The past year he had begged, the mafia heir, kimhan theerapanyakun begged his label for uncountable shows abroad. He'd go to some country to perform, smile, interact so as to keep himself sane because his pathetic excuse of a father had jobs for him to do. 'jobs' he laughed to himself, thinking about calling it a job, where his sole work was to kill, maim and torture some faceless people. And Kim would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy their screams and pleading and the way they'd beg when he'd toy with them for hours before finally putting their misery and them to rest , a long undisturbed one.
When he'd come back for a day or two, he'd go to the main family manor instead of his apartment, not because he suddenly started liking being there but because his will to live resided there now.
Chay never responded to his song… songs Kim might say, he never looked at him when he went back, the couple of times he did, he looked exactly like the day Kim left him in front of his apartment , broken , destroyed ! Kim was forced to look away. After that he avoided coming near Chay, he can't be the reason for his tears and breakdowns time and again. After the initial few times, Kim would just remain secluded in his room or with Arm in the security room, making sure that the guards tailing him would be able to keep Chay safe, looking at him going on with his daily life through the lense, stealing glances ,breathing in Chay's scent that tended to linger in the places he passed by, taking in as much Chay as he can before he ran again, to a different country, singing a different song.
He woke up in Singapore this morning, he had some kind of store launch to attend and then rush back to bangkok to have a family dinner, Kim swears those are fucking scary for him, scarier than having a gun pointed on his head. But Khun won't listen to his excuses and he's always found himself giving in to khun's wishes or maybe his own, cause he desperately needs to be near Chay, he's okay with Chay despising him as long as he can keep him safe, no matter if it breaks his own heart in a million pieces with no hope of ever getting together again.
Kim attended the event and thanked his audience like the positive star he had made Wik to be, changed and rushed to the airport. He boarded the flight , ready to fight a Two and a half hours long battle with his thoughts again. His thoughts that began with a 'what if..?' and ended with either a 'I've fucked it up' or 'it's too late..' . To be honest, it was, it was fucking late and he couldn't undo anything to make it correct. Chay's silence was an answer enough that he didn't want to do anything with Kim and he understood it but then, he also can't pretend to not love Chay once again, it freakin' hurt!
He deboarded and headed to get his luggage, his driver and car already at his disposal. His chain of thoughts was broken when the zipper of his guitar bag got tangled in his bracelet.
He yanked his hand away which resulted in the zipper being pulled down and a small rectangular thing fell. Kim, recognising what it was, immediately bent to pick it up.
Always Keep smiling p'kim was written with a pink marker, a Polaroid of Chay wearing an off white t-shirt and a blue checked flannel shirt, smiling widely at the camera. Kim felt his surroundings becoming blurry as tears started to swell up in his eyes.
He threw his luggage and guitar to the guard waiting to escort him to the mansion and took the car keys. He reached the car and drove off, not towards the mansion but towards a bar, similar to the one where he stopped Chay from having drugs. The lights, drunk people dancing and grinding without any care in the world, people doing drugs, not all of them looked qualified enough to do so though, just like Chay , unaware of what he was doing or about to do.
Damn can he not have a single thought if it's not about Chay now???
He sat on a table in the VIP section, the theerapanyakun ring flashing on his finger did more than said. A waiter rushed to get him all the booze he needed to shut his mind down, at least for a few minutes.. or maybe hours… or fucking forever if possible. Because Kim is getting tired now, tired of suppressing his emotions, tired of hiding, tired of trying to forget and tired of each and everything around as well.
Sip after sip, drink after drink, he lost track of time, he had been sitting for minutes or hours.. Who knows? The only thing constant was the picture in his hand, his Chay's smile, innocent, untainted and everything nice before you destroyed it ,his brain supplied. He sighed and closed his eyes.
He could hear the sound of a giggling Chay as he was packing up his and Chay's guitar after a tutoring session at his apartment, Chay was wearing beige cargo pants, blue checked flannel shirt and an off white tee underneath, he was telling Kim about one of his experiences as he paced in and out of different rooms of his penthouse apartment. He came out from the studio room and sat next to him.
"... p'kim do you like surprises..?"
"Maybe.. I'm not sure…"
"I have one for you!!"
"You do? Where's that?"
"You're no fun p'kim, you'll need to find it okay? Tell me if you like it.."
With this Chay left his apartment to go to a friend's place where he had some school group project. Kim had Big drop him and looked all over the apartment to find his Chay's surprise. He blushed like a schoolgirl when the Polaroid fell from his guitar stand, he had clicked a selfie with it and sent it to Chay.
The sound of giggles stopped, overthrown by loud cranky music and flashy neon and pink lights around him. A tear escaped his eyes as he tried to close his eyes again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and immediately reached for his gun…