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It’s Valentine’s Day, hooray!! This fantastic and diabetic occasion signifies only one thing: annoying his disobedient dog because the poor and tiny slug doesn’t have a special someone to celebrate it with him. So as his very loyal and caring owner, he’ll do his best to give his utmost attention to the most miniature, petite, microscopical, dwarf-sized—
“Are you done staring at me, shitface?” A provoking tone so recognizable after several attempts of bullying and teasing the chibi, Chuuya has his arms crossed above his chest with a raised brow apparent on his features. “Quit that awful grin of yours; it’s disgusting!” He makes a face, false-vomiting, to spite the bastard who decided to ruin his morning by knocking countless times and acting as his stupid alarm clock by shouting insults to his height from his apartment's window.
“Good morning, chibi~~!!!” Dazai, the bastard, greets as if he has done something incredible that it’s worth the entire neighborhood’s ears to know his accomplishment. “Wow! Did you become smaller? I didn’t notice you from up here~!!”
“It’s six o’clock in the morning!” Chuuya tries to lessen the volume of his voice, but it’s futile to do such a thing because Dazai lowers his body— too low that he misses the punch supposedly aimed toward his face. A quick follow-up kick, but that sly bastard’s senses could perceive his actions clearly to hop back and avoid the attack. “If you’re here to disturb me, I’ll throw you over the ends of the city!”
Dazai frowns at the threat. “You do know I hate pain, chibi.” He undergoes a tormented expression, though, Chuuya can see through how fake and nauseating he looks. “Anyways,” Dazai claps both of his hands together as he returns to a standing position. “Don’t you know what day is today~!?”
The beaming light that radiates from him seems to defeat the blinding rays coming from the sun, which is what Chuuya thinks. Nonetheless, he’d rather die than admit it out loud. He feigns ignorance and opts for the kill, “It’s the official day to murder a human-sized mackerel, yeah, I know. Happy birthday.”
“Boo-boo! Wrong!” Dazai creates an ‘X’ symbol with both of his bandaged arms like how a silly kid would. “It’s the magical day full of hideous lovey-dovey sprinkled with velvety red and sugary sweets!” He gives an obvious hint while twirling about. It doesn’t help that he wiggles like a feeble idiot trying to pry something from a (not-so) special someone. "I know your tacky hat is consuming your empty brain, which proves how much dumber you can be, but for you to have no idea? I’m astounded by your stupidity, Chibi!” Another fake sympathetic look causes Chuuya to do everything to restrain himself from attempting homicide in the doorway of his apartment.
The redhead sighs, undeniably exhausted by this troublesome schtick of his ex-partner. “Will you leave me the fuck alone if I were to answer you correctly?”
“No~!” is the foretelling answer.
“Then why should I bother then, bastard!?” A heavy stomp onto the floor generates a pfft!— chibi-sized print of his pfft!!— fluffy bunny slippers above the stainless floor. A noticeable confirmation that gravity manipulation was activated, though, just the aggravated expression of Chuuya and the red light surrounding his body can immediately reveal he’s using his ability. “Damn it! Go to hell!” Chuuya slams the door in front of his face with a massive force that he’s absolutely sure the redhead’s neighbors have eventually started their day with a bang. Literally.
Oh no, he doesn’t! There is no way Dazai is allowing this to happen. He has prepared the best gift to offer his dog for Valentine’s, yet his Chibi is ruining it already from the get-go. “Chuuya, open up!!” He hears the lock of the door clicks. “So this is how you want to play?” Dazai lets out a delighted chuckle, sneakily pulling out a safety pin from the pocket of his trenchcoat. “Game on— !?!”
What’s supposed to be an attempt of barging into the chibi’s apartment and causing a ruckus, Chuuya welcomed the supposed trespassing idiot with his person all prepared to go out. It consists of his usual Port Mafia uniform: the coat, gloves, hat, choker, and everything essentially black and fashionable for the man’s taste in replacement of his comfortable dog-patterned pajamas. “Shut that shitty mouth, or else I’m leaving you behind.” Chuuya holds tightly to his hat as he walks past the trying-hard-not-to-show-it but evidently stunned Dazai.
He’s curious about what ways the chibi can shut his mouth. He honestly is.
Chuuya is on his way outside, so he doesn’t have the chance to see a silly grin forming on Dazai’s lips. Then again, even if Chuuya were to witness such an embarrassing thing, Dazai won’t allow it. With a contented sigh, he follows the trail of his dog and anticipates whatever is in store for the two of them on this exciting day.
“This is the worst day ever!” Dazai whines as he watches Chuuya exit the premises of the most influential underground criminal organization in Yokohama, the formidable Port Mafia. He can’t believe Chuuya made him assume he was tagging along to somewhere Dazai has planned ahead. Unfortunately, there was an emergency meeting called by his Boss. On his day off, even! Seriously though, can’t the guy have the day to himself (and Dazai to share with, of course!) for once!? It’s always work, work, work—
“I see you’re skipping work as always, shitty Dazai.”
“Ever the productive chibi, huh, Chuuya.”
They had an intense glaring contest for a while before someone interrupted with a terrible coughing fit. “Excuse me,” It was Akutagawa with Rashoumon activated from behind him. Dazai can sense his uncalled-for appearance isn’t that of a threat. “You left this at your office, Naka—” The redhead faces him with a raised brow. Akutagawa corrects himself, “Chuuya-san.”
A smile crept up his features as he approached the younger mafioso. “You have my thanks, Akutagawa.” Rashoumon gently places the paper bag above Chuuya’s upturned palm.
“Enjoy the rest of the evening, Chuuya-san,” Akutagawa bows down to greet his farewell, and, of course, “Dazai-san,” He acknowledges the presence of his former mentor before leaving the two adults by themselves.
Dazai watches as Akutagawa’s figure vanishes from plain sight. “Oi, shitty bastard,” Chuuya calls for his attention, and Dazai obliges because he waited for this to happen, okay? “If you still want to ruin this day for me, make it quick.” It is not an order nor a threat, but it feels like a mixture of both to the brunette. (Wow, that actually rhymed.)
“Did chibi miss me? I thought you loved work more than me, though?” A silly tease to infuriate Chuuya, but it doesn’t seem like it’s working, somehow, which is weird if you asked Dazai. A bit dissatisfied with the outcome, Dazai sets forth somewhere, far from the bloody stench of Port Mafia.
He hears footsteps from behind, meaning Chuuya’s following him. “In your dreams, asshole. I do love work, but I couldn’t say the same with you.”
That seems to lift Dazai’s spirits, “Of course, it’s not the same. Chibi hates my guts, after all.” A short and subtle sneer from Chuuya’s end, but Dazai still faces ahead and focuses his absolute concentration on the road.
It was silent. Dazai still leads the way as they wander around the city. Chuuya assumes a place suitable for a crime scene because there is no way they were doing this the ordinary way. His footprints match Dazai's, with his mind flying elsewhere, far from the reality they were currently in.
There are so many possibilities, too much to count, that Chuuya’s confused about where they are exactly going. A little uncomfortable and unusual. For them to not banter about possibly anything, Chuuya realizes something is wrong, and he's sure Dazai is that wrong thing. Chuuya watches Dazai's back, and even if the person in front of him doesn't look back, Chuuya can tell that Dazai's ability to sense things around him could immediately determine that the person behind him is Chuuya and only Chuuya alone. He has no idea why, but maybe, just maybe, those things around him are the causes of why his brain is functioning awkwardly.
Maybe it’s because of the red garlands attached to every store they walked past. Maybe it’s because of the promotions of various goods and treats as a celebration for today’s occasion. Maybe it’s because the street is crowded, with several pairs huddled too close for the public’s comfort. Maybe it’s because most of the city is decorated with a very vibrant primary color which he usually encounters during his bloodstained missions. Nevertheless, Chuuya settled with his mouth closed, the paper bag delivered by Akutagawa dangling in one of his hands.
Chuuya is busy with his thoughts all over the place, so he fails to realize Dazai has already stopped walking. His nose scrunched up as he bumped behind the taller man, “You could have—”
“Here we are,” Dazai seems unfazed by the contact, still looking straight ahead. Chuuya moves away, adjusting his almost fallen hat, and tries to take in the view in front of him.
“The hell you brought me here for!?” Chuuya aims for a swift kick toward Dazai’s ankles, but the latter is doing a better job of avoiding his attacks, just as always. “If your idea of a sweet and tooth-rotting fluff of a Valentine’s date is for me to drown you at the river, then better find somebody else who’ll fall for your traps. I’m outta here!”
“I never said this was a date.” Dazai stays calm, even if the person in front of him— his partner— is in a fiery rage. It complements the warm shade of the sunset in the background, with several flickers from the river’s reflection. The thought of dying through lack of oxygen from drowning does sound appealing to Dazai, but it's not the perfect time to dive. Not just yet.
“You never did. I just assumed it was— only to be mistaken in the end.” Chuuya’s voice is painful to hear, given that it’s too far from the loud and grouchy tone he always uses whenever they argue about nonsensical things. This time, however, is loaded with a tint of agony and disbelief. The redhead steps back because if he makes one wrong move, he’s sure he’ll lash out and flee. Free from the heartache he’s receiving from Dazai. This happens when he wishes for too much from someone who always makes fun of him. From someone who doesn’t take him seriously in the first place.
“I—” Dazai starts, “This isn’t a date, chi— Chuuya,” What seems to be rubbing more salt to the wound, Dazai ignores the indication and continues. He can feel Chuuya’s about to burst because of the uneasiness. He can sense Chuuya is about to throw anything, whether manipulated by gravity, exerted by his immense strength, or just his honest feelings— Dazai is aware of everything his Chibi does to him, and he wants Chuuya to know that. “This isn’t a date because,” He pauses, “—because I haven’t formally invited you to one yet!!” It’s his reasoning, how lame and cheesy it may be, and it brings Chuuya to a halt.
“What the fuck are you blabbering about—”
“Just give me five seconds to explain.”
Chuuya calms himself down and internally counts the remaining time Dazai has left. With quick movements, Dazai comes closer and approaches the curious redhead in front of him. Time ticks, but to Dazai, he experiences it as if the clock’s running slow, moving quite the opposite from his rapid-pacing heart.
Five.
Dazai reveals something from the inside of his trenchcoat.
Four.
With steady and concise steps, he closes the distance between them little by little.
Three.
Chuuya widens his eyes at the offering presented to him. A bottle of a remarkable 1889 vintage Petrus wine. A valuable item.
Two.
“Will you be my Valentine’s,” Dazai starts.
One.
“My one and only chibi-est, chibikko, chibi, sluggish sheepdog, Chuuya Nakahara?”
What Dazai thought was an excellent way of asking out his dog is definitely the opposite interpretation that Chuuya concluded with. As a response, Chuuya punched Dazai straight in the cheek. Finally, he successfully manages to land a hit on the creepy bastard’s face. A splendid job if he says so himself. He won’t admit it, but he felt shivers coming down his spine with how Dazai acted a while ago. Until now, that jittery feeling continues to haunt him. “D-Do you want me to drown you that badly!?”
Oh, well. Dazai is relieved to have his Chuuya back to his old self, though he returned with a new addition: that adorable flustered expression he wears will never be simple to forget. “Always such a brute. Never change, slug.” Dazai touched the aching bruise on his left cheek. It still stings, but if it’s exchanged with a reddened redhead showcasing his embarrassment, it’s worth it. Still carrying the bottle, Dazai offers it to Chuuya with an awkward grin. “Hope you like it, Chuuya.”
“I don’t know how you procured such a thing, and I don’t think I even want to know,” Chuuya says, a little bit bewildered by the item his holding. “Are you fucking with me?”
“I hope I can—” Chuuya directs another punch with his stomach as the target. Thankfully, Dazai manages to save his life before Chuuya’s fist can hit him. “Calm down, I was only kidding— well, kind of, but actually not, though if you would like—”
“Yes, stupid mackerel.”
Dazai pauses for a while, seemingly stupefied by Chuuya’s reply to his invitation? Confession? Proposal? Dazai’s mind is a malfunctioning mess, and Chuuya doesn’t even bother clarifying which of whatever Dazai has said was his reply intended for.
“I have something too,” Chuuya gestures for the paper bag hanging on one of his arms. Oh, right. Dazai has forgotten about that. Okay, he did realize from the start that it was his gift, but come on!? What do you expect he should’ve done!? He won’t allow Chuuya to be the first one to give something. Dazai is just a stubborn brat, so please understand him. “But I think this is worth less than whatever you have given me.”
Is Chuuya shy? Is the slug actually feeling anxious? Dazai will celebrate his triumph later. Chuuya blushes as he hands over the paper bag designed with blue and red ribbons. Even Chuuya’s taste in decorations is tacky, Dazai notices, but he doesn’t care for the time being. “Now, what do we have here—” Amidst the rolls of bandages, what he sees beneath as he opens the package were three large packets of Hershey’s Kisses Chocolates.
“I-I know it’s childish to give that to you as a present, but—” Chuuya averts his gaze. “You didn’t give me enough time. I could’ve bought something more extravagant.” His hands are doing all sorts of waves and languages, “Then there’s that emergency meeting among the executives, so I asked Akutagawa a favor, then—”
Chuuya hasn’t had the opportunity to continue because Dazai is currently enjoying himself, doubling over from laughing too hard that he wraps his stomach with both of his arms, Chuuya’s paper bag squished between the hug. “You don’t have to make fun of it that much, bastard!”
“I— I can’t stop, hahahaha!” Dazai needs to breathe. He’s still stuck between laughing and trying to make out words from his throat. “Chibi is full of surprises.” It’s uttered with great affection that Chuuya doesn’t know how to react nor has any idea how to reply.
He remains silent, waiting for Dazai to calm down. Or he can opt to punch him instead. Chuuya likes the suggestion very much. “Chuuya, it appears you have won.”
“What do you mean— Oi, what are you doing!?”
Dazai steadies himself and stands straight. Chuuya isn’t expecting it, but after blinking once, the taller man is now in front of him. Dazai is now invading his personal space with a delighted grin. “Congratulations, Chuuya. You deserved a reward.” It is spoken in a whisper that freezes Chuuya on the spot, clearly not anticipating whatever is happening now.
Chuuya is stuck on the ground. The gravity between them is pulling the two towards each other, closer than ever before. Dazai lowers his head. Chuuya does the opposite, raising his head to meet Dazai’s. They follow the rhythm of their hearts, harmonized in the same melody of their undeclared desires. They don’t have to calculate it, for the distance between their fateful contact must be near— until Dazai exposes his playful, devilish grin and changes everything about this supposedly romantic moment.
He hastily steals Chuuya’s most prized possession, the wine bottle. Without a second to waste and a glance at Chuuya’s surprised expression, Dazai opened the plastic cork and poured a quarter of its contents to the ground.
“Oi— Hold on! What are you doing!?”
“Chuuya wants kisses? I’ll give you kisses, my darling chibi~!!” Dazai kneels down to retrieve the assumed liquid contents of the bottle. Chuuya inches closer to inspect whatever Dazai has stored inside his beautiful wine bottle.
“What are those?” Chuuya reaches out for one of the crystal-looking balls on the grass. They appear similar to marbles but smaller in size and very easy to destroy if you squish them with your fingers. They come in different colors, so it seems as if rainbows have painted the grass.
Dazai grabs an orange-colored one, “These are normally called aroma beads, but somewhere, it’s referred to as kisses by the kids.” He explains as Chuuya plays a few on his palm. “I had a client last week that came from overseas. The country they visited sold these in small stores. He wants to surprise his daughter as a souvenir and offers me a box of them as thanks for helping him retrieve his lost belongings.” Dazai continues with his mind pulling him back to a recent memory of his younger co-workers enjoying the gifted parcel.
Kyouka and Kenji, the two youngest in the Armed Detective Agency, watched as these commonly called kisses from overseas enlarged inside a plastic bottle filled with water. Atsushi arrived from a mission with a box. Inside were larger containers, a clear glass jar just right enough to be displayed in the corners of every work desk owned by the detectives. A pleasant gift that brightens the day, even if Dazai were to be a sloth during his work. He’ll recognize those colorful beads even from afar and will always appreciate the sweet gesture.
“You know, chibi~? They have this urban legend that these kisses can create babies! Hilarious, don’t you think? Want to test it ou— !?”
Dazai stiffens in his position. The moment he raised his head, he got awestruck by the view awaiting him. Chuuya is in a comfortable spot near him, his legs closed together and his elbows on either leg. His chin is resting above on upturned gloved hands. A breathtaking sight of the redhead— whose soft gaze was directed at him and Dazai alone— was accompanied by the warm glow of the sunset behind him as those red locks appeared to increase his fiery flare. It was as if those alluring azure eyes were saying along the lines of:
“Fuck, I love this idiot.”
It was Dazai’s turn to blush, and he could tell Chuuya saw everything by the amplified smile. And even if he were allowed to avoid that gaze, how could one do such a thing when Dazai himself is reflected in those enchanting sirens coming from the sea depths possessed by Chuuya? “W-What’s this? Chuuya’s talking out loud when he’s supposed to keep his thought to himself?” A lousy attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Are you falling for my charms now, chibikko?”
With a look of adoration before gently poking his nose, Chuuya hums in approval. “I had already and will always do, shitty Dazai.”
And for once, Dazai wishes for time to stop at this specific moment, where he and Chuuya could relax and be themselves. If he can, he wants to drown in those eyes. He wants to hear Chuuya’s heartbeats. He wants to consume anything that Chuuya is willing to give him. He wants the man in front of him who can orchestrate these annoying summersaults that were occurring in his stomach. He wants— He badly needs his Chuuya, a taste, a touch, a feeling that confirms his chibi reciprocates these loving sensations.
Dazai realizes it’s getting dark. If this continues, who knows what he could’ve done? He’s getting drunk even if he is sober. Even if the wine was a fraud, filled with translucent kisses. Even if this uncertainty and problematic assumptions get the best of him. It is valid and pleasantly bad for his heart if he keeps silently staring at Chuuya, anticipating something gratifying and worthwhile to happen.
He fakes a cough, “I guess it’s time for us to leave. We still have work tomorrow.” An excuse, but if it’s to save him from further humiliating himself, he’ll do anything despite the want— the urge to stay and capture this moment for eternity.
“Sure.” Chuuya pats away the dust from his pants and takes the bottle with him.
The two stare at each other one more time. Something unspoken can be heard by the lingering gazes shared between the two, and it’s suffocating because damn it, why can’t they just be honest and do something?!
“Good night, Chuuya.” Dazai finally says instead, internally punching himself because of cowardice.
“Wait a minute.” Chuuya hesitates for a second before exhaling a deep breath. “Can I at least have one before I leave?” Yet another vague question coming from the redhead, but Dazai thinks? Assumes? Nah, he’s confident that he knows what his chibi is referring to.
“Of course! Anything for you~!” Chuuya smiles for the awaited answer and is about to reach something on Dazai’s arm when the brunette pulls him closer instead. It is clear as day. Even clearer than the water flowing in the river. And the clearest portrayed by the shine in Chuuya’s blue eyes with the way it widens before Dazai removes any distance left separating them, with their lips the closest shared contact between them.
Dazai didn’t count, and neither did Chuuya, but it felt like an eternity as they stayed together. And for once, no one is there to interrupt the crime scene initiated by the most fearsome duo. They only separated when it was time to catch their breath. Chuuya laughs softly, shaking his head in disbelief. “I couldn’t believe you’d done that, bastard.” He lightly punches Dazai in the chest with his free hand, but Dazai catches it before it lands, intertwining their fingers. It’s warm under the freezing yet sparkling night.
“I thought Chuuya was looking forward to one?” A tease that allows him to hear another fit of giggles coming from Chuuya. Dazai would exchange for anything just to be granted free access to his chibi’s happiness.
“I wasn’t referring to that, idiot,” Chuuya smirks, reaching out for the paper bag dangling on Dazai’s right arm. “I was talking about this type of kisses.”
Dazai pouts. He sets free Chuuya’s hand, only to slide down his own arm around the shorter man’s slim waist, so he could pull him closer. “Well then, out of all the kisses we have known until today, which do you like best, Chuuya?”
And frankly, even if Chuuya doesn’t answer, Dazai has predicted the outcome already. Chuuya has a wide grin before standing on his tippy toes and confessing a heartfelt, “I love you the most, shitty Dazai.” This is the only arrow that can pierce through his yearning heart.
Dazai laughs and connects their forehead, their noses bumping along the way. “The only kiss who’ll love you back, Chuuya. You better take good care of it.”
“I will, and I do wonder. . .” Chuuya trails off, and Dazai can feel the excitement as he waits for the redhead to continue.
“What’s there to wonder about, my darling chibi?”
“I wonder if my human-sized kisses can create babies as well?” Chuuya’s too much to handle when he’s a tease, yet Dazai can’t help but fall deeper.
Curse this chibi for being attractive. A curse so tempting, Dazai’s assured no antidote or spell can save him. It’s nonsense to think about, but Dazai will play along with Chuuya’s silly charades. “Want to test that theory out?”
“Don’t have to. You’re already a baby as is.”A bratty, adult-sized toddler that Chuuya is willing to take care of for the rest of of his life.
An endearing chuckle before Dazai leans closer until the gap is a breath away. “Your baby, my dearest Chuuya.”
“Yeah, my baby." Chuuya lets his unoccupied hand hang onto Dazai's neck, uncurling some of those chocolate locks near the nape with his fingers. "The same way I'm only yours for the taking, Osamu.” And that’s all it takes until another kiss is shared between the two.
Beneath the massive night sky and the shine reflected from the river by the twinkling stars above, Dazai couldn’t tell which was brighter. The sea of asterisks scattered on a dark blanket or the luminous flame of the sun and tranquil waves of oceans combined in a vessel named Chuuya. Well, there’s already a definite answer.
Not even the sweetest chocolate nor the fragility of an aroma bead can compare to the tender moment he’s currently having with the redhead. And well, let’s say if one were to ask which among the kisses discovered today were the greatest? Only Dazai and Chuuya can have a valid answer to that— and Soukoku alone is the existing confirmation.