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Octavius should’ve known better than to suggest drinking around a true at heart cowboy.
He knew the horrid effects of alcohol, and while he and his Romans found it rather barbaric, he proposed to his cowboy friend that he most likely couldn’t handle more than two drinks during their usual banter- which had contained arguments of who held the qualities of a stronger man.
Octavius had only meant it as a simple jest, but the cowboy took it in as a challenge. A spark had suddenly lit in the blue hues of his irises the instant that the Roman declared it, one that only indicated another one of his brilliant schemes.
Jedidiah had thought of the idea, and without allowing Octavius to explain himself, he set his sights on shots of whiskey from the little saloon. The Roman wasn’t quick to agree to watch his friend down those brutish beverages, as drunkenness wasn’t ideal when they had only a certain amount of time until the sun blessed their museum with its golden rays.
And he, for gods’ sake, was Roman general- how could he indulge in such activities? But, alas, with consistent pleading and lovely sparkling bright blue eyes, Octavius reluctantly agreed.
Curse Jedidiah for his child-like puppy eyes.
Now the Roman found himself at the western diorama’s proud saloon, avoiding the judging looks that were cast his way from the ruggish cowboys. He sat upon a barstool, anxiously waiting for his dear friend, feeling quite out of place whilst he was a lone toga-wearing Roman amongst the ensemble of leather vests and cowboy hats.
As his isolated moments went by, his mind wandered to the depths of his imagination, his thoughts that he was immensely afraid of thinking. Such notions were filled with particular blue eyes, a handsome face that was caressed by stubble, and tousled blond locks.
Octavius felt a familiar heat rise to his cheeks and his heart hammer against his ribcage, for he was thoroughly in love with the man that he called his closest friend. Horrendously in love.
So much so that his skin jumped at every accidental touch, his hands had become unreasonably clammy when Jedidiah was near, and his pleasant reveries were filled of nothing but what could be. But no matter how strong his fondness was, Octavius would remain, his love with nowhere to travel but his own heavy heart, for he couldn’t fathom his cowboy ever feeling the same.
Why would he? How could Jedidiah love someone so contrasting from his own wild and exhilarating demeanor?
Abruptly the Roman was pulled from his deep thought with a light tap on his shoulder, a motion that made him jump in his seat. As he whipped his head around, a hearty laugh came from the figure behind him.
“Howdy there, partner. Did I scare ‘ya?”
“Not in the slightest,” Octavius pronounced, a slight tremor in his elegant voice as he shifted his chair to make room for his friend.
Jedidiah took his rightful seat next to Octavius, an amused smile playing on his lips.
“’Ya come ‘ere often?” the cowboy asked, a subtle flirtatious timbre in his western drawl.
A light pink dusted Octavius’ cheeks as he scoffed at the cowboy’s ploy, praying that the dim lighting hid colored face. “Please. As if I’d often hang about a place that contained hooligans.”
“Hey now, boy, it ain’t my fault you agreed to come see me prove ‘ya wrong! This ‘hooligan’ is ‘bout to down the most ‘Coffin Varnish’ ‘ya ever did see. I’ll prove my manliness to ‘ya, ‘ya hear?”
“We shall see.”
Jedidiah removed his hat, setting his golden locks free, placing it on the wooden counter as the bartender came to their section at the long table. He was a stout man, a bushy beard framing the bottom of his face, and with a small tip of his hat, he greeted Jedidiah:
“Howdy there. What can I get ‘ya?”
“C’mon now, Jack, you know what I’m here for.”
The stout man turned towards the Roman, a raise in his eyebrow that created a single crease in his glabella, as he jut his chin towards him.
“And this fancy snorter o’er here?”
“No, thank you. I do not wallow in such activities.”
With a wave of his gloved hand, Jedidiah dismissed Jack the bartender, who was giving Octavius an outlandish look. It seems that the westerners still haven’t moved on from their brawls that were now a but a vague memory.
“He don’t want nothin’. Just fix toga boy somethin’ to chow down on.”
The bearded man gave a prompt nod to his fellow cowboy, setting a few glasses before him that contained what Jedidiah called ‘Coffin Varnish’. Octavius sighed heavily; his cheek settled into his palm.
“You’re a fool for committing to this, do you know that?”
“Yeah,” the miniature cowboy said amusingly as he took his first drink into his hand, “but I’m ‘yer fool, ain’t I?”
Octavius felt his cheeks flush once more. “I… suppose so.”
The cowboy flashed a charming smile, swallowing down his first glass of whiskey.
And one drink turned into five, and eventually the Roman had lost count on the amount of alcohol that his friend had consumed. Their easygoing conversations soon turned solely into Jedidiah’s drunken ramblings, his western drawl overflowing with slurred words and nonsense.
As each glass piled up on the counter before them, the cowboy leaned into Octavius leniently, and they were so close that he could smell the alcohol that he reeked of.
They were so close that Octavius could see every little freckle that peppered his face. They were so close that the Roman felt his heart pound in his chest, aching to lean in even closer.
“Oh, shit,” Jedidiah uttered, throwing his arm across Octavius’ shoulders, “the whole damn world is a blur, Oct..”
The cowboy erupted in laughter as he slammed his empty glass on the wooden table. Octavius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.
“You are absolutely barbaric.”
“I’ve been called worse. One time, this ol’ sidewinder called me all kinda names, and then had the nerve of challengin’ ‘yer good friend here,” the cowboy rambled, only stopping to to hiccup due to his excessive drinking, “and y’know what I did? I beat his ass.”
The Roman sighed heavily. “Applaudable story, my friend.”
Jedidiah had another fit of giggles before settling his head on Octavius’ shoulder.
“Say, that armor you wear usually. Is it fitted well? Is ‘yer chest really that big ‘o size?”
“Excuse me?”
“I ain’t judging. Maybe ‘yer a ‘lil showboater, I dunno. But ‘ya don’t seem the type, ‘an-“
“I’m not quite comfortable answering such a question.”
“Alright, alright,” Jedidiah replied, his whole weight upon Octavius.
The cowboy inclined his head slightly, his warm breath grazing Octavius’ ear. In an instant it felt as if he and Jedidiah were the only ones that were inside the dimly lit saloon, as the cowboy’s sky blue eyes only watched Octavius intently, as if his only purpose in his waking nights was to admire him.
Octavius’ cheeks burned a deep shade of scarlet.
“‘Ya wanna know somethin’, Oct?”
Jedidiah’s voice was a gentle murmur, his speech loud enough for only him to hear, a sound that made the Roman shudder.
“What is it?”
“‘Yer real pretty.”
“I… what?”
“Said ‘yer real pretty. ‘Ya got the face of an angels. Even more pretty than that.”
“Thank you,” Octavius stifled out breathlessly, “I am… quite flattered.”
“Y’know, ‘ya should come ‘round to my place. I wouldn’t mind a bit o’… company.”
Octavius gazed down at his friend, finding a certain gleam in his bright blue irises, although he wasn’t quite sure what it was. There was something dark and dangerous that lingered beneath.
The Roman shook his head, taking the cowboy by the arm. “I’ll only ‘come round to your place’ to get you firmly away from this establishment. You have had plenty to drink.”
Jedidiah stumbled out of his chair, raising up clumsily to stand closely next to Octavius. “I ain’t complanin’.”
***
Plagued with weariness, Octavius somehow managed to trek back to the homely tent with a drunken Jedidiah under his arm.
After plenty of stumbles and befuddled blathering, the Roman pulled the flap of the beige material, ushering the cowboy inside. Octavius followed soon afterward, observing the worn lanterns and wood carvings that decorated his friend’s humble abode.
The dimly lit tent housed many miscellaneous items that littered the floor and the small table, but despite the mess, it was comfortable and perfectly fit the cowboy’s lifestyle.
The Roman’s attention was brought to Jedidiah when he looked as if he was about to fall over, his lack of balance causing him to stumble even when he was still. Octavius shot his arm out, placing his steadying hand on the cowboy’s elbow.
“Careful.”
Jedidiah settled his gaze upon Octavius, his encapsulating eyes possessing that same gleam that the Roman had seen at the bar. It took every will in his being to keep from leaning in closer.
Both miniatures ceased from exchanging any words, the soft pads of the Roman’s fingertips igniting the pale skin beneath it. Their locked eyes was all that Octavius could focus on, his thundering heart working up a storm once more.
Jedidiah soon regained his balance, and Octavius began to let go of the cowboy, opposing every instinct that told him to keep himself there.
“Sorry. Anyway, my friend, I… should be taking my leave.”
“‘Yer leavin’ already..?”
“I must. My… battalion needs me. And you should get some rest before sunrise.”
A beat of silence passed by.
The Roman couldn’t help but feel that their situation was quite intimate, standing there in such close proximity in Jedidiah’s quarters. Octavius felt his cheeks color pink at the thought. The cowboy, on the other hand, wore a dispirited expression, as he inched closer to the other.
“But.. I don’t wanna be alone tonight..”
Jedidiah reached out and grabbed ahold of Octavius’ hands, drawing in even closer. The Roman took in a shaky breath, failing to resist the other’s vulnerability, his colored cheeks becoming even darker.
“I.. suppose I can stay for a bit longer..”
Jedidiah inched closer.
“Don’t leave me.”
Octavius lost himself in those bright blue hues.
“I’m here, do not worry.”
And before he could realize what was happening, Jedidiah pressed their lips together into a delicate kiss. He tasted of the alcohol that lingered on his breath, but to Octavius he might as well have tasted of the heavens above.
Their shared breath was tentative, unsure of the unknown, but when the Roman reached his burning, trembling hands up to the curves of Jedidiah’s waist, the cowboy pressed himself into the other even further.
Jedidiah moved his lips against his hungrily, grasping at the sea of white cloth that his toga was. He kissed as if he’s been waiting his whole life to commit to the action, as if he’s longed for this exact moment. The Roman could only oblige, feeling as if he could melt under the other man’s touch. Selfishly, Octavius hoped that he never let go, that their shared warmth would never break.
One kiss had melted into two, and soon Octavius had lost count of how many times they had shared such a deliciously dangerous thing. With each kiss, guilt slowly seeped into the cracks of his mind, a selfish notion that possessed his every movement that left him wanting more.
He knew that this only resulted from his intoxication. This was all but a moment that played at what he wanted, what he had always fantasized. Begrudgingly, he pulled himself away, yet his hands still lingered at Jedidiah’s waistline.
Octavius knew he shouldn’t risk it any further. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to let go.
“Jedidiah, we… we cannot do this-“
“But I want to. You are all I’ve ever wanted, Oct. I don’t want you to leave.”
The Roman opened his mouth to respond, but clamped it shut once more. A part of him wanted to walk away and leave their affections behind him before it had gone further.
“Please, Oct.”
But how could he just walk away?
Octavius had no response, and only let his eyelids flutter shut, submitting to his desperation.
Their lips met once again, pressing and full of yearn. Like waves of the beautiful sea, Jedidiah moved against him perfectly, and Octavius was willingly swimming in those open waters. At first it was sweet, and fulfilled the rush of adrenaline that he had always sought.
But just as Icarus had flown too close to the merciless sun, the Roman caved into his desire, and swam deep into the tides until he could see no more. He felt as if he could drown, water overwhelming his senses.
Guilt. Want. Desire.
With a gasp for air, Octavius broke away, swaying so hard that he would’ve fallen if Jedidiah hadn’t held him in such a way that was intent on keeping him close.
“We really mustn’t do this, Jedidiah.”
But the cowboy paid no mind to his complaint, diving right back into him as he smoothed over his jawline with ginger kisses. His jagged stubble gently pricked into Octavius’ skin, as he continued his trail down to his neck. Jedidiah traced the column of the Roman’s windpipe with his lips, earning a small whine from the other.
If he wasn’t held in the cowboy’s strong arms, his knees would’ve given out at the sensation, but all he could muster was a squirm against Jedidiah’s pecks, watching as the other’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The cowboy ventured dangerously far, and once he had reached the Roman’s exposed collarbone, Octavius sucked in a sharp intake of air.
“Jedidiah,” Octavius mewled with a light tug at the cowboy’s blond locks, “stop this, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
The cowboy withdrew, only slightly enough to gaze up at the Roman, his pleading eyes piercing into him.
Octavius could only shake his head and gently push him away, his words heavy on his tongue. “Do not do this to the both of us, Jedidiah. I beg of you-“
“I want you.”
“You’re drunk-“
“Please don’t go. I love you, Oct. More than you can imagine.”
And when those words escaped from Jedidiah’s lips, Octavius felt as if his world would come crashing down in an instant. This was all but a horrible, horrible tease that toyed with his desire. The sincerity in the cowboy’s eyes was a stab at his despaired heart, a deepened wound that showed him what could be but would never come to his reality.
“You don’t mean that,” Octavius whispered, his voice an unsteady exhale.
The drunken cowboy moved in closer, gazing at the Roman with soft eyes. “I do.”
“No. No.”
“Ockie-“
“Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me. Not when I’ve..”
Hot, searing tears arose at the surface of Octavius’ eyes, a horrible lump lodging itself in his throat. The Roman clamped his mouth shut, taking steps back to move further away.
Things weren’t meant to be this way.
How could he be such a fool? How could be foolish enough to cave into the aches that plagued his nights?
The cowboy said nothing as the Roman turned his back towards him, his fists clenched in his heartache.
“Be in your position by sunrise. Goodnight.”
The Roman had spat out his words in ferocity, something that had interrupted the tranquil air. A wetness graced his cheeks as he drew the tent flap open, stepping out onto the gravel. Jedidiah had murmured something that sounded like a small ‘wait’ but the Roman kept moving.
He had flown too close to the sun, and now his heart sank below the dark sea just as the hapless son of Daedalus did.
His tragic heart be damned.
Octavius left the Western diorama, leaving his jaundiced tears behind him in the winds, a taste of bitter alcohol lingering on his pink lips.
***
The Roman did not return to the West, nor did he leave his own diorama for almost a week full of nights.
Jedidiah was worried. Probably a lot more than he should be.
At first, he had thought Octavius was merely busy with his responsibilities, as all his fellow Romans were. Two nights went by, and Jedidiah figured his best friend needed a bit of space. They were always together, after all. And while the cowboy liked it that way, maybe Octavius needed some time alone.
But two nights melded into six, and as each moon went by and sunk below the horizon, Jedidiah’s anxiety grew. The worry nagged impetuously at his conscience, questions floating in the air that were left unanswered. Every night he hoped Octavius would tell him something, anything, but there was no sign of him.
And, hell, for the life of him he couldn’t remember what happened when he was drunk. He only had a vague memory of being with the Roman right before he lost every recollection of his intoxicated memories.
But a sneaking suspicion that something happened between them crept into his mind, a thought that made him pace the false gravel of his exhibit and wear a distraught look on his face, much to his fellow cowboy’s confusion. But what was it?
Did he say the wrong thing? Did he hurt Octavius? Had he done something to scar their friendship?
The cowboy didn’t know. And he felt as if he was being suffocated slowly with the unresolved.
He knew he couldn’t go on like this. He wasn’t going to risk losing the most precious thing in his immortal life. A life without Octavius in it? It would kill him.
Jedidiah decided he would take matters into his own hands. With admittedly a great deal of difficulty, the miniature cowboy climbed the side of the brick wall that led up to the opposite diorama, his leather boots hooking into the rough stone.
Once he had reached the replica of Ancient Rome, with a huff he observed the vast groups of armored soldiers that hacked away with their swords. Jedidiah suddenly felt smaller than he already was, as he was the only lone cowboy among the refined Romans. One wrong move, and they would cut him down to tiny pieces.
Jedidiah moved through Rome carefully, making sure to make no suspicious action. Once he had reached the town square, he was completely and utterly lost. Despite their small size, the replica of Ancient Rome was a foreign twist of extraordinary monuments and architecture, such things that made Jedidiah feel even smaller.
The cowboy thus had no choice but to ask Rome’s citizens. With the broken Latin that he had picked up from Octavius, words of the forgotten language rolling awkwardly on his tongue, he was eventually pointed in the right direction.
Octavius’ living quarters.
He had never been there before, and when he stood there outside the extravagant building, he felt as if he was intruding on a boundary that wasn’t meant to be crossed. But he pressed on nonetheless.
“Octavius...?”
There was no sound but the echo of his careful footsteps.
Jedidiah turned on his heel in a flash, right before the silence was interrupted by the piercing sound of the unsheathing of a sword.
“What do you want, intruder? State your business here.”
The cowboy’s hands shot up in a compliant surrender, facing Octavius’ hardened gaze.
“Easy there, partner, slow ‘yer roll. It’s only me. Ol’ Jedidiah.”
The Roman’s eyes quickly softened, an apologetic glint reflecting in his brown irises.
“Jedidiah,” Octavius said as he sheathed his blade, “what are… why are you here?”
With exhale of his held breath, the cowboy suddenly remembered what he was there for. He crossed his arms defiantly over his chest. “I could ask you the same damn thing. Why are you here and not out there bein’ with me?”
The Roman’s face turned suddenly cloudy, a storm lingering beneath the fog. He averted his eyes from the cowboy, focusing on a particular spot on the marble beneath their feet.
“It does not concern you.”
“It sure as hell does. ‘Ya can’t be gone for almost an entire week and expect me to brush it off.”
With a roll of his eyes, Octavius pushed past Jedidiah, the cowboy following close.
“I’ve only been… busy tending to my duties.”
“Bullshit.”
“It is not.”
“It is too. ‘Yer never gone for that long when ‘yer doin’ general duties.”
The Roman halted his tracks, sighing a breath of air that was a sign of a growing annoyance.
“Well, then I apologize for being away. Is that what you want, Jedidiah?”
The cowboy positioned himself in front of Octavius, stopping him from making any more movements. Forcing the Roman to look into his eyes.
“No.”
“Then what is it that you want?”
“I want you to tell me what’s goin’ on.”
“There’s nothing happening, Jedidiah, you’re being ridiculous-“
“I’m bein’ ridiculous? For heaven’s sakes, Octavius, ‘yer the one that hasn’t said anything for almost a week! I’m here worried sick, and you have the gall to call me ridiculous?!”
“I was not aware that I had to inform you of my duties and whereabouts.”
“‘Ya don’t. But at least tell me if ‘yer not gonna be there.”
“Why should I?”
“Why should you- because I care about ‘ya! What if somethin’ had happened to you? What then? I’m just supposed to sit here and lie in wait?”
“But nothing happened. I’m fine.”
Jedidiah threw his exasperated hands in the air. This conversation was going nowhere. Octavius’ every word had a cold edge to it, and the cowboy grew more uneasy by the second.
“Hell, Oct. All I’m askin’ is for you to tell me what’s been goin’ on. You know I care. God damnit, I care.”
“Do you?”
“I do. I just wanna know what’s wrong.”
Octavius shook his head, the memories of that night flooding back into his mind. He stood strong before Jedidiah, but his heart ached at the mere sight of him. “Nothing is wrong.”
“‘Yer real bad at lying, Oct. Tell me the truth. That’s all I need. Please. If it was me, if I said somethin’ wrong, or did somethin’ wrong, tell me. I wanna fix it.”
“You can’t fix it.”
“Then at least let me try.”
The Roman trembled where he stood, his fists clenched tightly in rancor.
“You would like the truth? Fine. Fine, I’ll tell you. When you were intoxicated, you kissed me- you told me that all you’ve ever wanted was me. And by the gods, Jedidiah, I wanted to believe it, because I love you with my whole being. I remained far from you, but it just made everything dreadfully worse. I am so immensely in love with you, that you are all that I can think about in each night that we live. You consume my every thought, every moment, you possess all of my affection and desire. It is always you. You, Jedidiah. Damn you.”
Everything that Octavius was saying came out as a harsh stab that pierced at the air, but as he let his eyes fall to the floor instead of his cowboy, his voice lowered into a defeated whisper.
“And I am so in love with you that it destroys me. It pains my pathetic heart that I can’t have you. Cupid has pierced me with his petulant arrow, and I can do nothing but let it erode me.”
The two miniatures were silent, a tense atmosphere weighing heavy on their conscience. Octavius felt as if he could collapse, wishing that he could pluck his proclamation out of the air and take it all back.
The quiet was unbearable, tearing at the Roman’s desolate heart.
Jedidiah only stared back at him in shock. Octavius’ speech processed slowly, the cowboy stuck there where he stood. Jedidiah then broke into a disbelieving laugh, shattering the heaviness that surrounded them.
“What in the blazes are you on about? For fuck’s sake, Octavius, why in the hell did you never say anything?”
In three strides, the cowboy closed in on Octavius, reaching up to hold his face in his palms. When the Roman’s warm brown eyes met Jedidiah’s, he only found pure sincerity.
“I’m in love with you too, for cryin’ out loud. You make me feel alive. You make this life worth livin’, don’t ‘ya see?”
“…What are… what are you saying?”
“Whatever I said- whatever I did, I meant it. I meant it all. Sober or not, Ockie, I’ve loved you with all of my damn heart ‘since the day that I met you. You never left me, whether I liked it or not. It ain’t anybody else, Oct. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
Octavius swallowed down thickly, squeezing his eyelids shut with a tremble. He felt as if he could melt under Jedidiah’s touch, just as he did in his tent. “I… I thought you… I could never fathom that you would ever…”
“Gaius Octavius, how could I not be in love with you...?”
“…I had convinced myself that you were incapable of such...”
Octavius didn’t open his eyes, afraid to find that this moment was a mere figment of his imagination, that this slot of time was one that he had made up in his head. But when Jedidiah engulfed the other in his strong arms, the Roman’s hands found themselves at the nape of his neck.
Slowly, the Roman let his eyelids lift, and his sight was filled with nothing but Jedidiah. Those handsome blue eyes, the universe of tiny freckles, and his wild blond locks encapsulated him, all the things that he so admired and dreamt of.
“Why? Why would you let ‘yerself belief somethin’ like that?”
“I was afraid...”
The cowboy sighed, a gentle whisper of air that brushed Octavius’ skin. He spoke barely above a whisper, the gentleness of his words easing the Roman.
“Are ‘ya still afraid…?”
“…Yes, I… I don’t this to be another dream...”
“It ain’t, Ockie. I’m here.”
Jedidiah closed the void of space between them delicately, pressing his lips gingerly against his, although this time it was soft and slow. Perhaps that yearn still arose subtly above the surface, yet their shared breath was reassuring, like the breeze on a cool evening.
They felt as if it was always meant to be this way.
“Don’t worry ‘yer pretty ‘lil head none,” Jedidiah murmured between kisses, “I’m all yours, darlin’. I always was.”
Octavius kissed him again. “Do you mean that?”
With another kiss, Jedidiah beamed, his smile as illuminating as the sun. “‘Course I do.”
And again and again, they kissed, each peck reassuring Octavius that this time everything was in fact, very real. Every word unspoken spilled into their sweetness, their proclamations of nothing but unconditional love being said without words. It was no longer the vast sea that suffocated the Roman, as it was now the soft summer rain that he could lavish in.
For a moment their lips parted, the pair now so close that their foreheads touched ever so slightly, as they breathed in all that was each other. Jedidiah’s mouth now turned upwards in a smug smirk.
“So... ‘ya gonna go drinkin’ with me again?”
Octavius rolled his eyes. “You absolute buffoon.”
The cowboy laughed heartily, the eruption of happiness filling Octavius with a radiating warmth that burned into every inch of his body. He couldn’t truly be bothered, not when everything in his world finally felt right, and his dream was now one fulfilled.
The Roman leaned into Jedidiah once more, drunken on the love that encapsulated his universe, the enigma that outshined the stars of the galaxy.
And just as Jedidiah was horrendously drunk all those nights ago, Octavius was intoxicated with an exhilaration like none other, his heart finally pulsing happily against his chest.