Archive of Our Own ^beta

Rarely is Mikey ever called to Donnie’s lab.

Oh, there are the times when he was called over for a yearly check-up from Dr. Donatello, or to be looked over for injuries after patro,l or to be interrogated if he had been the one to fill his beakers with frosting. Still, Donnie insisted that Mikey stay away from his lab.

But how could Mikey! The lab was so cool with all the diagrams and the beakers that bubble up and flames and watching Donnie build things was awesome. Mikey liked reading some of the chemistry books that were riddled with his brother’s tiny scrawl, small notes on the margins. There had been a time when Donnie tolerated his presence, but that had been a time. Meaning Mikey could not remember the last time he had been in Donnie’s lab.

It all looked the same except there was a new beaker sitting on the table, tall, and filled with a cloudy gray liquid. 

“I know you’re wondering why I called you here.” Donnie is saying as he shuffles around some papers. “But, you should feel excited. ‘Cause I believe I have finally created the one thing I’ve been dreaming of making ever since I was a kid.”

Now, Mikey felt excited. “You finally made that bazooka?”

Donnie’s smile dropped and he snapped his head towards the door, as if expecting a disapproving Splinter to burst through. “Keep your voice down! And no, I don’t know where to get the uranium.”

Now, Mikey didn’t feel excited. “Aw.”

Donnie’s smile returned, this time bigger. “I managed to perfect a truth serum!”

Aaaand excited Mikey is back. “No way!” He exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He didn’t exactly know what it meant to have a truth serum, but he knew it made Donnie excited so he’s excited.

“Yep! A liquid that, when coming into contact with another person’s skin, will have them telling the truth about anything. We’d be able to find out what our enemies are planning just with this.” Donnie lifted up the beaker with the truth serum in it and beamed at it like how a father looks at their own child. “As soon as I test it, I’m talking to Leo about it.”

Inside Mikey’s mind, ideas were bursting like fireworks. “We could turn them into somethin’ like the smoke bombs! Or water guns! Just a quick spray at the Kraang and-Boom! They’re telling us everything.” Well, if it worked on the Kraang since they were aliens and all that. 

“Hey, who are you gonna’ test it on?” asked Mikey as Donnie put in one of those squeezer things which sucked some of the truth serum out of its beaker.

Donnie’s smile turned into an unnaturally wide grin.

Mikey grinned back reflexively, but on the inside he felt nervous. Donnie only ever grinned like that when he was in his mad scientist mode-

‘Oh. Oh no.’

Donnie can also be quick and soon he was squeezing the truth serum that was being tested for the first time on Mikey and why does this happen to him, and Mikey was yelping, trying to rub it off his arm but he’s rubbing it in even further on his skin and he was going to get that awful acne again-

“Huh,” said Mikey after a couple of minutes had passed. “I don’t have any acne.”

Because he felt normal. No burning sensation, no need to confess his sins; no pain at all. Just a cold arm.

Oh, and irritation. “Dude!” snapped Mikey, glaring at Donnie. “Warn a guy! What if I had died?”

Donnie rolled his eyes, the asshole. “I tested it on a couple of frogs beforehand. You would have been fine. Now, tell me how you feel. Any nausea? Pain?”

“Nope and nope. I feel the same,” answered Mikey. He even shook his arms and legs for emphasis.

Donnie let out a ‘my brain is going at a higher speed than yours’ hum, one hand going to his chin, eye ride cocked. Then, he asked “Why did you sneak out two nights ago?”

Because Mikey had thought he had dropped a smoke bomb while coming back from patrol two nights ago. And while he could make new ones, he still felt anxious about it being left there. Criminal Minds had been the recent show he had been watching, and all that talk about wearing gloves to hide your fingerprints so that the police won’t track you had Mikey sneaking out to grab the smoke bomb.

What he had found instead was a group of raccoons who decided Mikey would taste better than the garbage they were scavenging on. Meaning at 3 am Mikey had been squaring up against Rocket Raccoon’s distant relatives, trying not to scream too loudly because, wow, their teeth were sharp. He had even hissed at them, tapping into that animal instinct. Then, he spent a good twenty minutes patching up some cuts before going back to the lair.

The whole thing had been embarrassing, and Mikey blinked as he realized he just. Told. Donnie.

‘What the fuck.’

Donnie gapes at him before doubling over and howling with laughter. “You-You got jumped by raccoons! Holy-”

“It's not funny! They were vicious!-”

“-3 AM and-and-HA!-”

“-gave me scars, dude! Why did I even tell you that?!”

“Because it worked!” Donnie straightened up, smiling widely. “My truth serum worked! Oh, this is the best day of my life!”

“I thought the best day was when you met April?”

“Second best day then. Now.” Donnie leaned forward, hands behind his back, all Albert Einstein mode. “How about you tell me all about the future prank ideas you had in mind?”

‘No way in shell, bro!’ All of those pranks were planned down to the most insignificant detail, and had the timings and materials and the if-whats planned out, and no way was Mikey going to tell Donnie about how he was-

“-planning on filing your beakers with frosting again. Then, I was gonna’ water bomb you in front of April. Then, I was gonna’ move all of your stuff in your room and lab so that you bumped into it again, and blame it on Raph because he did that before. Then, I was gonna’ convince Casey to get me Sharpies, give you that tea Sensei made you to help you sleep, and make you smell Sharpies to see if you’d really get high. That isn’t really much of a prank, it’s more of an experiment-”

The truth just slipped out naturally. Like saying greetings. There was this feeing of weightlessness that felt it more it was growing larger and larger the more Mikey spoke. Like he felt so comfortable telling Donnie all about his plans for future pranks which, will never, ever happen again.

Said turtle looked more smug with every word that Mikey was speaking. Soon, Donnie was dragging him out of the lab, going on about using the serum on their enemies and finally getting the upper hand on Mikey with pranks and that there will be words about how Mikey treats his delicate, irreplaceable lab equipment.

Mikey is too busy trying to put a foot down on this floaty feeling he has. He's in a hot air balloon, that keeps on going higher and higher, and all he wants is for it to get him back down to Earth. Maybe not completely on the ground. Like six feet up. A good distance. 

So busy is Mikey trying to control his hot air balloon does he fail to notice that Donnie had gained the attention of their two older brothers. Leo and Raph look up from where they’re playing video games.

“Everyone!” Donnie called out. “I present to you an invention I have finally, finally perfected!”

Raph perked up. “The bazooka?”

The tails of Leo’s headband whipped around as he snapped his head to Raph. “The what?!”

“No, not the bazooka. Not yet.”

“What do you mean not yet-”

“Man, I wanted the bazooka.”

“Donnie doesn’t have the uranium yet,” Mikey informed Raph, and they both shared a mournful gaze at the fact that they were robbed of a cool weapon. Leo still looked lost. Like, Mikey knows they’re turtles, but man Leo was committed to being slow.

Donnie was practically vibrating as he placed his hands on Mikey’s shoulders. “It's something even better. Hey, Mikey, tell us what you think of Raph?”

‘Donnie is trying to kill me,’ Mikey thought with horror as words started to line up at the back of his throat. ‘What’s the word for when your family member tries to kill you?’

“Raph is a huge softie who hides it by acting all macho like he’s-he’s Hugh Jackman or somethin’ when in reality I saw him cry ‘cause he thought he stepped on Spike’s tail, and he always checks on us after a rough night, and he’s cool but also doesn’t know when to shut up-”

Mikey sounded like he was lecturing someone. Laying down a whole character meta analysis on his brother. These were observations and fun facts and side notes he had written down, then tucked away in a library in his mind. Things that were true, but he’d never say it out loud ‘cause Raph would pound him into his shell.

“-and Raph, I love ya’, but you sucked at being a leader that one time. You jump into things and make a plan while fallin’, bro, and it's not pretty. You also don’t listen to us unless it's Sensei, and I get it, but still we have good things to say too. I’m always worried you’re gonna’ be fighting the Kraang or Foot and you’ll get angry and-and let it get the best of you-”

With a roar that resembled an angry bull, Raph charged at him. “I’M GONNA’ POUND YOU INTO YOUR SHELL, YOU LITTLE-”

Mikey is the fastest on the team. He reminds himself this as he gets chased by a pissed off brother while two other brothers laugh their asses off.

“So, how did it feel?”

“Being chased by a rabid, angry turtle? Terrifying!”

Donnie flicks Mikey’s forehead, rolling his eyes. “Not that! I already know that. I mean, how did it feel to tell the truth?”

They’re both back in Donnie’s lab, the taller turtle insisting that he needs more information. Mikey hopes they can be quick about it. Dinner needs to be made.

Mikey thinks about the question. He isn’t good at describing things. It always seems that drawing a picture to explain is much easier. Except that doesn’t fly in most situations and drawing is more of Raph’s area (but Mikey has been practicing). Which usually led to his own explanations crumbling. It's like he built these impressive sand castles and called out to his brothers to see, but the minute they turn around all they see is a lump of sand because the water came. That leads to a lot of eye rolls and shaking heads and nobody bothering to ask for him to clarify even more, which is something Mikey can do, thank you very much.

So, this time, he’s being careful. “It feels like,” Mikey begins slowly. “Like I was really relaxed. Like I was just going with the flow, yaknow.” At Donnie’s ‘I’m listening’ hum, he continued. “It didn’t feel like I was forced to tell the truth. It felt like it was fine to tell it.”

“Interesting,” Donnie mutters. He has his T-Phone out, fingers rapidly typing at something. “When you were answering my questions, you sounded like you were trying to hide your emotions. Like you were speaking neutrally. I’m not sure if our enemies would talk the same way, but they would give us the same results. And you didn’t feel any resistance?” 

‘Resistance? Resist. Re-sist. You’re resisting something, you want it to stop. To push against, to stop-’

Donnie’s voice, tinged with annoyance, pulled Mikey away from his thoughts. “I mean, you didn’t feel that you wanted to stop telling the truth?”

Mikey gave him a small glare. He almost had the word! “I did want to stop talking, but at the same time I felt okay talking,” he said. Donnie is quiet after this, meaning he’s busy in his brain. Mikey gives him a good minute to think before speaking again. “So, what are your final thoughts, Doctor D?”

“My final thoughts are that you can only tell the truth when you’re being talked to.” Donnie says as he turns back to his desk. “You won’t feel any need to talk if no one starts a conversation or asks a question. I’m going to look more into this.”

Mikey frowned. “You’re not gonna’ eat lunch right now?” It was already 12 o’clock.

“Later.” His older brother was already buried deep within his papers, a sign that he would not be emerging anytime soon. Any attempts to pry him away from that desk would be futile even though Mikey wanted to. So, with a shrug, he left.

And the day passed on as usual, each of the family members doing their own thing. Leo tucks himself in his room with an array of new comic books from April. Donnie stays in his lab, coming out for a late lunch. Master Splinter putters around the kitchen, rearranging this and that, and checking the food to make sure nothing is expired. Mikey manages to convince Raph to play a few rounds of Mario Kart, and lets his brother win as an apology for blurting out the truth earlier.  

Mikey frowns inwardly, thinking about what had happened early in the morning, fingers flying to get himself in the lead. He had felt so at ease talking back there, running his big mouth as always. At the same time, the sharp feeling of mortification and horror was also there. Mortification that he was telling such sensitive information and horror because he knew the amount of trouble this serum could unleash. It was like that episode in Spongebob Squarepants when Plankton controls Spongebob in order to steal a Krabby Patty.

Besides him, Raph tenses up as he struggles to get ahead in the game. 

Something cold dripped into Mikey’s veins, making him sit up straight. How long was this truth serum going to last? A whole day? A week? Donnie never specified a time limit (and also didn’t ask for Mikey’s permission to test the serum on him but, hey, in the name of science, right?) What if out on patrol some bad guy asks Mikey a question? He would be blamed for it, of course, and expose them and ruin things. Hopefully, his family wouldn’t ask him anything that would be potentially embarrassing.

With a push of a green thumb, Mikey wins. Raph acts like a Grouchy McGrouch Pants as Mikey jumps up to cheer, clinging onto the feeling of winning so that it could distract him from the cold, cold sensation in his veins.

Time passes and dinner comes up. Usually, Mikey and his brothers would go out for a patrol and pick up a pizza. But, with the sudden drop in criminal activity, Master Splinter advised all four of them to stay in for tonight. Which means that Mikey is in the kitchen cooking dinner.

Mikey loves a good slice of pizza and Japanese food is God’s gift, but lately he wants to try other foods from other cultures. With rice cooking in the microwave, he plugs some earbuds in and pulls out his T-Phone. YouTube leads him to a cooking video on how to make rajma, an Indian dish. Soon, his family is scooping the gravy onto their rice.

“Excellent cooking, Michelangelo,” said Master Splinter, eyes closed in content. Hums of approval echoed around the table. It makes Mikey feel warm in his chest that his work was appreciated for once. 

“No problemo, Master Splinter,” said Mikey, because holy shit is this stuff good. Definitely packing some up for April and Casey and Leatherhead.

Dinner continues on with some nice conversations until Donnie turns to Mikey. “By the way, come to my lab after dinner. I want to give you a check-up with the truth serum.”

That reminded Mikey of his little crisis from earlier. “How long is this stuff going to last?”

Donnie took a sip of water before continuing. “Well, I modeled it after basic cough syrup. But, since I put in some other ingredients, I’d say 2-3 days.”

Mikey couldn’t believe his ears (well he didn’t actually have ears to be specific). “Three days?!” he exclaimed, voice higher than usual.

“Calm down, Mikey!” Donnie shot back. “You don’t need to worry about anything.”

Before Mikey could lay out a whole list of reasons why he should be worried, Master Splinter’s stern voice cut through. “What is this about a truth serum?” he asked, raising one furry eyebrow.

Leo leaned forward to answer. “Donnie created this truth serum and Mikey tried it out. Mikey’s able to tell the truth depending on any of our questions. Watch this. Mikey,” he said, turning to said turtle. “Who would win in a fight? Me or Raph?”

Oh, that was a no-brainer. “Raph,” Mikey answered immediately and raised his fist to meet his red masked brother’s fist-bump. The sight of Leo’s offended face made him snicker.

Master Splinter did not look amused with his eyebrows furrowed together. “Michelangelo,” he began in a scolding voice. “What have we said about eating anything from Donatello’s lab? Need I remind you of your shell-acne incident?”

Mikey cringed. He hated it when anyone mentioned that. Hell, he hated it when people mentioned any mistakes he’s made in the past, both big or small. It was as if that's all people saw, and felt the need to remind Mikey, who obviously doesn’t forget. “I didn’t even drink the truth serum!” He tried to defend himself. “Donnie just tested it on me without asking!”

Said turtles froze as Splinter turned stern eyes at him. “Is this true, Donatello?”

“I thought Mikey just tested it on himself,” Leo said, looking confused.

Donnie suddenly became fascinated with his dish. “W-Well, yes, but I tested it on frogs before on him! Plus, this was important. This serum could guarantee us more wins than ever. And Mikey was fine with it, weren't you?”

‘Yes, it was fine. It's not that big of a deal. I get why you’d test it on me, bro.’

This is what Mikey was going to say. Instead, he said this:

“No, I wasn’t fine,” he said, and Donnie froze. “I got really scared when you put it on my arm ‘cause I didn’t want to double mutate or grow a third eye or-or something. Why couldn’t you keep on testing it on animals? Why couldn’t you have just asked me? You acted like you didn’t care how I really felt about-”

‘Shut up!’ Screeched a voice in Mikey’s head. ‘Shut up!’ His hand shot up to cover his own mouth, but even then Mikey could feel his jaw moving. 

Donnie looked like a kid caught with his hand in the pizza box. He shrank down as the rest of their family turned to him with accusing looks. “I-I needed to test it on something, Mikey. It's not like this is the first time-”

“What?!” Raph practically shouted.

“Donatello!” Oh shit, Splinter sounded pissed. “You’ve been testing on your brother dangerous substances without permission? How long has this been going on?” This question was shot at Mikey.

The answers came immediately. “For a while. He tested some mild retro-mutagen that gave me a stomach ache. Then, he tested these sleeping pills that made me really hyper. He made me drink coffee to help me with paying attention. He tested this weird gun thing at me that has a neck and was supposed to electrocute me, which now that I think about it sounds really, really bad-”

Donnie interrupted him. “Why didn’t you say anything then?!” he asked in a harsh voice, obviously upset at being caught.

Was he serious? “You never asked me!” Mikey shot back, narrowing his eyes at his brother. “You just called me up to do tests!”

Donnie probably would have said something more harsh back had it not been for a clawed hand clamping down on his shoulder. “Dojo, Donatello. Now.” Splinter’s voice was like steel. They both left, one with reluctance, leaving behind a tense atmosphere and their half-finished dinners. Mikey felt like punching something.

Leo slowly turned to him. “So, all this time Donnie just tests his new inventions on you?” he asked cautiously.

“Dick,” Raph said flatly, stabbing his spoon into his meal. Leo didn’t bother scolding him for his language.

Feeling exposed, Mikey ducked his head and began to count the rice in his bowl. “Can-Can we just eat dinner, bros?” He asked.

But, Leo was always stubborn. “Mikey, this is serious. You should have told me or Sensei.”

Irritation and weariness flared up in Mikey. “I know, okay. It's just-It was just mild, dude!”

“Donnie testing a truth serum on you that is going to last three days doesn’t sound mild,” Leo said, lips pressed together in a thin line. 

“Can we please eat our food before it gets cold?” Mikey makes sure his eyes are wide and his voice sounds smaller than usual. That always worked on Leo, who now relented and went back to his food. 

Donnie and Splinter don’t come out of the dojo until Mikey is done washing the dishes. Splinter still looks angry, shoulders tense and everything. Donnie, on the other hand, walks with a slump and his face is shiny with sweat. Mikey wondered how many katas his brother was made to do as punishment.

“There is something your brother would like to say to you, Michelangelo,” said Splinter, nudging Donnie forward, who looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. Mikey wants that to happen to him, too.

 This whole thing just seemed unnecessary. He knows Donnie only tests small things on him, and never the bigger ones which show up when they’re in fights. Plus, Donnie has a lot of limited everything-lab equipment, books, materials, test subjects. It made sense that Mikey would be that last thing, and half the time he didn’t even mind it.

Donnie sucks in a deep breath before looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry about testing things on you, Mikey,” he says in a monotone voice. “I promise to never do that again and to ask permission next time.”

The silence that follows after that goes on for a long, long time. It takes a while for Mikey to notice that he’s supposed to say something. “Uh, no problem, Dee,” he said, giving his best smile. “Water under the bridge.”

That seemed to be a signal for Donnie to nod and make his way towards the bathroom. The suggestion that Mikey could heat up the dinner for him dies away as the taller turtle disappears. A puckering feeling grows in Mikey’s stomach. Was Donnie mad at him?

“Michelangelo.” Splinter’s low voice catches his attention. “Come to me the next time your brother attempts to do something like this again. I hope he listens to what I have told him.”

Another smile designed to reassure his family, one wide and bright. “Gotcha’, Sensei.” Something in his papa’s shoulders loosens and Mikey counts that as a win.

Yep, Donnie is definitely mad at Mikey.

At breakfast, the purple masked turtle only says good morning, eats something small, and then hauls the shell out of the kitchen. The whole thing makes Mikey want to grab Donnie by the shoulders, sit them both down, and talk. Of course, that will never happen. Not with Donnie looking at Mikey with a pinched, unreadable look on his face.

Honestly, Mikey shouldn’t be surprised that his brother is mad at him. That’s one of the common emotions people have towards him half the time. 

After everyone’s small breakfast, there’s training. Then, Mikey whips out the most amazing breakfast to ever grace everyone’s taste buds. 

Master Splinter pairs both Raph and Donnie out, leaving Mikey with Leo. The morning feels good, especially after stretching and warming up and the promise of a larger breakfast.

Hmm. Breakfast. Mikey chews on the inside of his mouth as he begins to spar with Leo, dodging a fist. Obviously, it would be an egg one, but what kind of eggs? Sunny-side up? Overcooked a bit so that there’s just a bit of runniness? And how would seasonings work? Leo’s leg is a green arrow as it shoots forward, trying to catch Mikey in the chest, but that's easy to dodge.

Wait. They had some spinach in the fridge along with some bags of shredded cheddar. Spinach and cheese omelets with the protein powder Raph and Leo sound perfect! Sucks that they didn’t have any orange juice because someone drank it, but Mikey guesses that’s good on Leo since the guy prefers mango-

Leo. Right. They’re sparring. Usually, in spars, Mikey doesn’t give it his all. Maybe around 70%. There really is no need to give it his all when it's not a serious fight. Also, Leo acts like an ass when he gets beaten while sparring. Which is Mikey’s cue to do a move that does nothing to stop Leo from pinning him down. “Leonardo wins!” Splinter announces. 

Mikey stands up, already zeroing on a spot where he can rest for a while (he’s sweaty, ew ew ew) when Leo starts talking. “Mikey, that was an easy dodge,” he said, an easy-going smile on his face. “How come you let it hit you? Thinning of Crognard again?”

“I let it hit me because I wanted to lose,” Mikey replied and wanted to smack himself because oh fuck.

Leo’s smile falls down. Mikey’s voice is so loud it gets the attention of other people in the room. It's still so early, training is almost done. Things could have gone smoothly if Mikey hadn’t opened his mouth.

“What?” Leo asked incredulously. “What do you mean you wanted to lose?”

“I mean, I wanted to lose so that you could win ‘cause you like winning,” the truth serum makes Mikey say, forcing the words out in the gentlest way possible. Mikey says it like it's something unimportant. 

‘Oh, shit. Deflect, deflect!’ “Ha!” Mikey lets out, voice too high-pitched. “I-I didn’t just say that.” Except he had and now people were talking. 

Leo takes a step forward, eyes beseeching. “I like winning, but knowing that you were intentionally losing-What the heck, Mikey?! How long have you been doing this?”

“Couple years.” It was official. God hates Mikey. Like, so much it's not even funny.

“Ain’t no way…” Mike hears Raph say in the background. Splinter and Donnie are watching the whole thing like their favorite TV show just threw in a plot twist.

Leo’s eyes go impossible wide before narrowing. “Wait, is that why you’re always lazy in training?”

Oh hell no. This turtle isn’t going to let that slide. “I’m not lazy in training!” Mikey shoots back, half himself and half the truth serum. “I give, like, 70% because I know it's not a real fight!”

“It's training, Mikey. You need to give it your all to be ready for a real fight!”

“I’m always ready for a fight! Every day, 24/7, 360. And it's not like I-”

“Well, if you’re always ready then how come you’re not always ready for training? Why let me win? Either it's because you hold back or you just don’t take it seriously like always-”

“It's because you act all mopey and angsty lord whenever me or Donnie or Raph beat you!” Mikey shouldn't be saying this, he shouldn’t be but that damn serum- “You have this need to be perfect in everything so when you aren’t perfect in something you flip out. And you get mean to us anytime you lose to any of us, especially me. You’re like-like “Oh, no way my brothers are better at me than this! Guess that means I suck at everything and will never amount to anything.” “

Leo looked as if someone had dumped shredded remains of his comic books to his feet. He whipped his head to their other brothers, tail ends of his mask flying. “I don’t act mopey and angsty when I lose? Right?”

Neither Donnie or Raph answered. They both looked away and whistled like they were in a cartoon which they weren’t. 

Leo turned back to Mikey, shoulders hunched up defensively. “I’m not!”

“I d-didn’t mean to say that,” Mikey stammered. Oh, he was screwing up so badly! “It was the truth serum.”

“Which tells me exactly what you think of me. No, I’m not going to let this slide. Get over here, Mikey!” Leo stomped-literally stomped-over to the side of the room and spun around to fall into a fighting position, blue eyes narrowed. 

Mikey blinked. Was this actually happening? He looked over to where Splinter was still watching with attentive eyes. When he locked eyes with his sensei, he was met with a nod. So, with great reluctance, he made his way over and copied his brother, sliding into a fighting stance.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. The tension kept on piling up. Leo’s eyes were still narrowed, and his fists were clenched so tight that the skin where his knuckles were had paled to a lighter green. Mikey inhaled once, holding it in his lungs, before exhaling.

‘You want to see 100%? Fine.’

“Hajime!” Splinter shouted and Mikey was off.

‘Dodge this, dodge that. He’s shifting back, going for your legs. Get his good side, get his good side-There! Opening! He needs to be pinned down. Wrap around, wrap around-PINNED!’

Mikey breathed in again and he had Leo pinned down, arms twisted around his shell. His right foot lands down hard next to his brother’s head. Had this been an enemy, that foot would have connected with the skull. Mikey breathed out, feeling his limbs trembling with energy.

“Ain’t no way…” Raph said in awe. Donnie just stood there with his mouth open, looking more fish than turtle.

And Mikey? Mikey felt just a bit embarrassed and exposed. He never wanted any of his brothers to know that he let them win. All of them had pride in them that could bruise easily. Mikey knows what this looks like: him, the youngest and biggest goof-ball, defeating his older and more skilled brothers in areas they excel in. He keeps expecting one of them to burst forward with cries of cheater and faker.

Chewing on the inside of his mouth, Mikey stepped away from Leo to allow the other turtle to breathe. He extended a hand, holding his breath in case Leo slapped it away with a scowl and stomped off to go sulk over how lazy, screw-up Mikey managed to beat him-

Except, Leo didn’t do that. He accepted Mikey’s hand and heaved himself up, eyes wide with shock. “That move is hard,” Leo said as he stared down to where he had been laying. “It-It took me weeks to get it right and you. Mikey, that was so impressive!”

‘Impressive? Im-press-ive. Impress. You surprised him. It's…good?’ “Really?” Mikey couldn’t help but ask.

Leo nodded rapidly, now smiling widely. “It is! You took me down so quickly. I mean, this must mean you know how to do some moves I’ve been having trouble with.” He rested a hand on Mikey’s shoulder, now smirking with mischief-a rare sight. “From now on, I want you to give me 100% when we’re fighting.”

“Can you go 100% from now on?” Mikey heard Raph ask Donnie.

“Wha-I always give my 100%.” A pause from Donnie. “Okay, fine, I lied. I give, like, 85%.”

“Well, crank it to 100!”

“Okay, okay.”

“Training is over, my sons,” Master Splinter announces suddenly. Leo practically wilts at those words. “Go on about your day… Except for you, Michelangelo.”

‘Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.’ Mikey could feel his palms grow slick with sweat as his brothers exited the dojo, leaving him with their sensei and his own thoughts coming up with the worst reasons as to why he had been called out.

See, Splinter doesn’t really seek out Mikey the way he seeks out Leo and Raph. If anything, the two just cross paths. Mostly, Mikey would be in the kitchen and Splinter would walk in, they’d exchange some words, and continue on with their day. None of the deep conversations Splinter probably shares with Leo and Raph, and even Donnie on some occasions. Which is fine, if Mikey really thinks about it. It's not like he needs to share some private information with his sensei. Would it be nice to be seeked out? Oh, definitely! But, in the end, it's not that big of a deal.

Splinter is staring down at Mikey with an expectant look on his face. ‘Oh, shit. Was he talking?’ “Uh, what were you saying, Master Splinter?” Mikey asked, cringing on the inside. He hated the way the tall rat sighed, obviously exasperated at having to repeat himself.

“I was saying,” Splinter began again. “That this new knowledge that you have been holding back during training is troubling, my son. When you and your brothers train, you should be imagining that you are on the battlefield. A place where everything is chaos, and you have nothing but your skills and weapons. Not letting your opponent win because they like winning.”

Okay, he’s making some points but still. “But, Master Splinter,” Mikey says as he looks over to where the doors to the dogo are. Behind them is Leo, golden child Leo, Mr. Perfect Leo. “The last time I gave it my all Leo took it hard! He kept on training and training, and missed out on movie nights.”

But, Splinter shook his head. “That is not an excuse, Michelangelo.”

“But, it's still a good reason.” Mikey tapped his knuckles against his thigh, something he did to calm himself down when he was agitated. “Like, I give over 100% when fighting for real. But, here? With my bros? I don’t have to worry about getting hit by the enemy. I just gotta’ worry about what moves I use against them. That's when I give 100%.”

Ohhhh, mic drop. Everything is decimated. Demolished. Those were bars Mikey was spitting. He desperately needed to write that down.

Except Splinter didn’t agree that they were bars. The corners of his mouth and ears tugged down in disapproval. “You have solid reasons, my son. I can respect and understand them. Nonetheless, Leonardo expects you to give it your all during training as do I. Do not fall short on our requests. We want you to be ready for any situation. Now, go enjoy your day.”

Mikey doubted he could. 

Raph is in the kitchen when he steps in. The blender is already out with milk and banana dumped inside along with the protein mix.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Raph asked, slapping the lid on top of the blender. The rest of their brothers are probably in the shower; Leo and Donnie are clean freaks, preferring a shower before eating.

“Just to go Super Saiyan next time we train,” Mikey says as casually as he can as he grabs out the ingredients for breakfast. The stove, thanks to Donnie, heats up quickly and soon eggs are bubbling in the pan.

Raph snorts in amusement after blending the protein shake. “Sure, you managed to get Leo, but not me. Next time, I’m asking Sensei to pair us up and we can play “Does Mikey Bend That Way.” How do ya’ like the sound of that?”

“I hate it,” Mike responded automatically, and there was that weightless feeling again. A sign that the truth serum was still active in his system.

“Too bad!” Raph looked way too psychotic with a grin like that. He pours out drinks while Mikey turns back to the omelets. The cheese is spread generously before the leaves of spinach land gently into the mix. Mikey makes sure to fold each of the omelets carefully which involves a lot of shaking of the pan and a fork. Soon, the food was transferred to four plates for four hungry turtles.

“So, how does it feel with that serum thing?” Raph asked suddenly, fishing out forks and practically throwing them onto the table. Mikey forced himself not to wince at his older brother’s actions and let the truth roll out.

“Feels like I’m floating,” he began to explain, pushing the frying pan he had been using away. “Like, anytime I talk I’m on this hot air balloon that's going ‘whoooooosh’ and I feel fine talking about stuff.”

Raph nods along, jaw set in the way that he’s thinking. “That's some powerful stuff. And you only got a little bit.”

Mikey blinks, remembering how Donnie had only squeezed a small portion of the truth serum onto him. “Yeah,” he sighs out, reaching for his glass. Thinking of that moment makes him think of Donnie and how he got his brother in trouble and now said brother wasn’t talking to him.

Donnie still didn’t talk to him during breakfast, just started eating. Leo, on the other hand, was all wide eyes and smiles. He talked about different moves and katas both him and Mikey could try. About how maybe they can train with weapons that they don’t usually use. About strategies and working things out and what does Mikey think of all of this.

Truth to be told, Mikey feels a bit wary. It all sounds like it could turn him into an absolute badass, but at the same time it disrupts his schedule. Like packaging and dropping off food to April, Casey, and Leatherhead. And working on his comic book project because the goal is to draw a new panel every week. And learning some new dance moves. And skateboard, play some video games with Raph, and get Donnie to talk to him. Oh, and fix this dumb truth serum-

“Mikey,” Leo interrupts, sounding shocked and annoyed. “This stuff is important.”

‘That. Fucking. Truth serum.’

“Yeah,” Mikey tries to deflect, unconsciously tightening his grip on his fork. “I know. All the stuff I said is important-”

Leo shakes his head sharply, his face saying ‘I should have never bothered with you.’ “No, I mean the stuff I was saying. You can do your own things later.”

“But, Leoooo, I got a schedule!”

“Oh, that is such a lie. You don’t have a schedule.”

“Uh, yes I do. You guys just don’t understand my genius. The inner mechanisms of my mind are an enigma.”

“You know those words?” Raph asks dryly. 

Mikey ignores him because Leo is talking, again, ugh. “All I’m saying,” his older brother snaps back. “Is that before any pleasantries in life, you have to go through your responsibilities. Of course, you don’t pay attention to any of them since you like to “go with the flow.” “

Okay, that hurt. Leo knows he has attention problems. He knows Mikey has trouble with simple things that everyone else already has a grasp on. Leo knows that Mikey shoulders the duty of keeping the city safe along with the rest of their family. 

“I just go with the flow ‘cause that's how I roll,” Mikey says, forcing an easy-going smile to his face. He’s seething on the inside, and wants to turn that smile into something fierce. But, anger is never his thing. Never was. 

Leo wants to say something. He’s chewing on something sharp that is sure to sting. Instead, he lets out an exasperated sigh and goes back to his food. Like he knows talking to Mikey is pointless. Like he knows he’s just going to hear nonsense. Like he won’t be able to do something that interests him this time.

The omelet sits like a stone in Mikey’s stomach. He keeps on eating. So do the rest of them.

The biggest mistake Raph made today was inviting Mikey on a walk with Casey.

Now, it's a Tuesday. Casey should be in school but he informed both of them that it's a half-day. He also hasn’t been hanging out with Raph for a while with school and other normal teenage responsibilities. That's how Mikey ended up showing Casey skateboarding trips as they walked through the sewers, Raph shaking his head with fondness.

Along the way, Raph must have mentioned that Donnie tested the truth serum on Mikey. Just a small tidbit, some new info’ to share with the class. When Raph hears something and tells the other two to stay behind (what a Batman move, it's probably just a squirrel) Casey immediately turns to Mikey with a glint in his eyes. “What are the most embarrassing moments Raph has done?”

Which is how Mikey is now walking home in silence with a silenting seething Raph. Casey’s boisterous laugh still echoes in the tunnels after Mikey spilled the beans on every hilarious thing Raph has done growing up. Like, that was major blackmail material he just laid out.

‘God? Hey, yeah, it's me. Please don’t let me get nabbed by any bad guys. Or else I’ll commit seppuku if they ask me questions. I’m being so fucking for real right now.’

The more Mikey thinks about it, the more funny it gets. He can’t help it, the chuckles that threaten to escape him. Because all of those stories he told were good stories that were like melted butter and syrup. And wow, were they not only funny but hilarious. Raph should be a comedian if they ever got to a point in their lives when teenage mutant ninja turtles could be comedians.

Mikey’s own mistake was telling Raph that but that was only because the silence was too much. His brother apparently thought Mikey was too much like always.

“You know what else is funny!” Raph exploded, green eyes blazing. “Me turning you into turtle soup! You better watch your fucking shell tomorrow ‘cause I’m not hold back, ya’ annoying sack of shit!” Then, he proceeded to say even more things that sounded like they would make him the enemy of the United Nations.

Mikey lets this anger wash over him. Like a stone in a river, right Sensei? It's good for Raph ever since he said, after Spike became Slash, that his old pet was his only outlet when it came to venting about his own problems. Mikey steps up because his bro needs something besides a punching bag to flow through his feelings. Needs something to ground him closer to sanity. And if Mikey does end up as a punching bag, well, that’s life.

Raph's voice cuts through his thoughts. "What do ya' think of that, little shit?" sneered Raph, face all twisted and stuff.

'Well, he asked.' "I hate every single thing you just said," answered Mikey and his brother's hands became fists. "I hate it even more 'cause you're just gonna' hit me again-"

"Raph always hits, Mikey," Leo says, walking past them with a bowl of oranges. "You should be used to it."

And Mikey is used to it which is kind of a problem. Maybe. Not really. He can't take the slaps to the head and pinches to the arm because pain is guaranteed when you become a ninja. At the same time, it's weird his brothers automatic response is to just smack Mikey when they could just use words. But, the last time he had called attention to it they had turned away. It was how they showed their love, his brothers said. You're being dramatic, they said. It's fine, they said.

'I guess I'm fine with it.'

He blinks and he’s in the living room, watching Raph stomp away to his room. 'Great. Now I got all three brothers mad at me.' To cheer himself up, Mikey imagines Raph as a teapot whistling as the water inside him boils up with rage. When he walks into the kitchen to see Master Splinter pulling out his own teapot, Mikey can’t help but laugh.

‘Laughter is the best medicine.’

Except Master Splinter turns around and has this pinched look on his face. Like the sound of Mikey laughing way too annoying. The sound gets caught and slides back down his throat, stomped on. Mikey finds himself drifting to the freezer where Ice Cream Kitty, the best girl in the entire fucking world, gives him a sweet kiss.

“You and Raphael share such a fondness for animals,” Splinter comments as he turns the knob on the stove. There’s already water in the pot, ready to be boiled. 

Mikey nods, giving his cat a gentle nudge under the chin. “Yeah. He’s like a Disney princess.” A memory pops in his head. “Remember that one Halloween-”

A deep chuckle. “I personally made sure to glue the rhinestones on the wings of his costume. I still have pictures.” This was said slyly. Mikey grinned. For all Splinter could act all wise and powerful ninja-like, he could also have a wicked sense of humor.

Silence falls upon them. Splinter focuses on making tea. Mikey just sits at the table. A short conversation between son and papa. Simple. Sweet. Mikey is fine with that.

Splinter cleared his throat, back straightening. “My son, Leonardo informed me of your discussion after training. First, I hear you are holding back in training. Now, you are not agreeing with your older brother? Leonardo was extremely upset that you did not share his enthusiasm for his ideas. Why is that?”

Mikey’s eyes widened. He could feel the truth serum curling around his mouth, tapping at it, gently persuading him to speak up about a lot of sensitive shit. But there’s no way he could say those things! That’s too private! Except-

“All of Leo’s ideas are so boring. Like, I get we’re ninjas and stuff but we’re still teens. It's kinda’ in our title: teenage mutant ninja turtles. And the way Leo was talking it was like he wanted to spend all day doing stuff like that, and I can’t do that, Sensei. You know it's hard for me to focus on things, and I know it, everyone knows, I do-don’t need to be reminded-”

Except he was talking, he was a traitor to himself.

“-it just sucks when you guys always remind me of every single mistake I make. Leo does it so much, Donnie too. Like, I want to be a bada-a cool ninja but I still wanna’ have fun. I guess you wouldn’t get it ‘cause you’re, like, a ninja master. You probably hate what you’re hearing right now especially ‘cause it's from me-"

'No, no, no, no, no! This is going too far! Way too far!'

"-I mean, it makes sense since Leo is your favorite and I don’t really have much to offer ‘cause I screw up everything and I’m a nuisance no one wants-”

‘Holy shit, bro, SHUT THE FUCK UP!’

Mikey already had his hands clamped over his mouth, but the words were already out. They had hit Splinter so hard the rat whipped his head around, eyes wide. The bubbling sound of water boiling was the only thing that filled the suddenly tense air between them.

“My son?” Splinter whispered, looking so worried and concerned, and Mikey had put that look on his face and-

He couldn’t talk about it. Mikey turned on heel and sprinted, hands still over his mouth. Hearing rapid footsteps behind him, the turtle increased his speed before the sight of his door came into view. Mikey practically leaped for it, rushing into his room and slamming the door shut. The lock firmly in place, he stepped back.

Why was he breathing so hard? Why were both of his palms sweaty? Why did he feel sick?

There was pounding on the door. Splinter’s voice came through a bit muffled but carried a stressed, strained tone to it. “Michelangelo, open this door! My son, please come out. Please, you cannot leave a conversation like that.”

‘Yes, I can. I just did.’

Mikey found himself backing away from the door as if it was some savage Squirrelanoid. It was still hard to breathe and this sucked. This sucked so, so fucking much. Mikey found himself falling onto his bean bag, the cushiony feeling failing to comfort him. 

“Micheangel, open this door! I am not mad at you. Let us talk about this.”

Donnie’s voice sounded out. “Sensei, what’s wrong?”

There was a sigh (of disappointment, always disappointment). “I believe I have-I have scared your brother, Donatello.”

A beat of silence. “Well, we’re all kinda’ scared of you, Sensei. But, in a respectful way. Like we’ll listen to you and not suffer the consequences.”

‘Consequences. Quence. Sequence. Conquest. Bad things happened after Spanish conquests. Bad things.’

“Who’s suffering the consequences?” Leo’s voice, sounding intrigued. Mikey wished he would go away, that they would all go away (how could he think that, how could he think that of his own family).

“Mikey, I guess. Sensei was knocking on his door,” Donnie replied before raising his voice. “Mikey! What did you do?”

There’s this-this tone in his brother’s voice. Like it's a regular thing for Mikey to do something that results in consequences. And it's the truth and it hurts.

Mikey still has his hands over his mouth. He tightens his grip to the point where his fingers dig into his skin.

“Did Mikey say somethin’ dumb again?” Raph could be heard stomping over and a large bang on the door makes Mikey jump. “Yo, bro! Come out and face the music!”

“Yame!” Splinter’s sharp tone makes all three of Mikey’s brothers stop talking. He himself even sits up straight as a result of years of training. “Your brother has done nothing wrong,” Splinter continues and something in his voice sounds so tired. “I believe the fault lies with me. I will be able to solve this problem if a certain turtle comes out from hiding.”

Oh, that was directed to Mikey. Feeling Splinter’s burning gaze on him, he retreated slightly into his shell. He still felt nauseous and there was something hot gathering behind his eyes, a sure sign of tears.

‘I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to act like a baby. I hate this. Why can’t they just leave me alone?’

There was a sigh then the sound of something thumping on the ground. “Uh, Sensei?” Leo began asking.

“Michelangelo,” called Splinter an authoritarian voice. “I will sit outside of your room as long as it takes. You will have to come out eventually.”

Mikey stared incredulously at the door. Splinter couldn’t be serious!

“I am deadly serious!”

‘Oh shit he’s serious!’

“Master Splinter, that’s insane!” Raph exclaimed.

“My sons,” Splinter began in his ‘I’m telling a story that’s actually a valuable life lesson.’ “Are you familiar with how the Samoans ask for forgiveness?” When he got no answer, he continued. “It is known as ifoga. When one has done a great offense to another, that person will sit in front of their house covered in mats. They will sit there for however long until the people they have offended remove the mats, thus forgiving them. I see it as something that tests your patience and will, and it is something I will be doing now.”

‘Man, Splinter really is a badass.’

There’s some more conversations happening but Mikey tunes that out. 

How could everything go downhill? Why was it always Mikey who was the guinea pig? If Donnie had never even thought of making that truth serum, none of this would be happening! First, it was revealing all of his prank ideas to Donnie. Next, it was being asked question after question on things that Mikey usually told a white lie about but he couldn’t. Then, he got Donnie in trouble and now his brother won’t talk to him. After that, the dogo incident which led to him hurting Leo’s feelings. Now, he exposed himself to Splinter! The one person he didn’t want to tell anything about!

Mikey just wanted to stop telling the truth. He wanted it more than pizza and video games and Shredder dead. He wanted his family to just ignore him when he said all of that dark, awful stuff because Mikey could barely speak full sentences. How was he supposed to gather all of the problems he had in a somewhat organized group in order to show his brothers? Where would he even begin?

It was a good thing he had his hands covering his mouth. They trapped in the sob that wanted to escape.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, half curled up in his shell. The presence of the rest of his family was still outside, though Donnie and Raph probably already left. Leo would stay. He’d copy their sensei, eager to follow in his footsteps. Or pawsteps because rat.

That's the thing with Leo. He knows what to do. Every step is calculated and every plan is made with careful skill Mikey envies. Leo does have to worry about screwing up (something him and Mikey share) but that's the thing. He could never, ever screw up as badly as Mikey. Raph probably has a mile long list of every mistake that can be traced back to Mikey.

On dark nights when everyone is asleep, Raph would confess that he feels out of place in their family. That his temper is too much for any of them to handle, and that one day it'll reach the limit. Each time, Mikey squeezes his older brother into a tight hug and reassures him that he could never be much. That they would all rather have too much Raph than no Raph. Mikey would never dare to try to empathize with his brother because it just seemed so selfish. You have this moment to be vulnerable to the one person you trust, and suddenly they start talking about their own problems? Asshole move. Mikey's read about them. He'd never do that to Raph or Leo and Donnie.

Donnie is also someone who knows what to do and say. He actually has an area he's skilled at that's useful to the team. He's the steady base that holds them up with a brilliant brain that should be creating cures for incurable diseases. Mikey's genius brother deserves so much because Donnie is awesome. He is awesome and caring and smart and takes every load this family makes without a complaint and shouldn’t be doing this. Not when Mikey hasn’t ever listened to his brother's passion or warnings over the years.

And then there's Mikey. The goof-ball. The airhead. The dumb and slow and stupid one. The one no one wants in a million years. The one who managed to save the day out of sheer luck alone. The one who is causing problems.

"Geez, you're still sitting there, Sensei?" Raph asked from outside of Mikey's door.

Like this one.

"Yes, Raphael."

"You won't even stand up for this food I made ya'?"

"I do not believe I will. Not until Michelangelo comes out."

"Its grilled cheese and tomato soup."

A beat of silence. "Cut diagonally?"

"You know it."

"Place it here, my son. Thank you."

Despite his situation, Mikey couldn't stop the snort of laughter escaping him. Splinter could be a glutton whenever he felt like it.

His body tensed up when he heard another family voice. "Still in there?" Donnie asked and the concern was thick in his voice. Was he no longer angry at Mikey? "Its way pass lunch time. He's probably starving."

Leo's voice comes over in a triumphant tone. "Which is why I have the perfect way to get Mikey out." There's the sound of shuffling and something being opening and-

Mikey felt his mouth water as a delicious, incredible, amazing smell hit his nose. His stomach decides to become the Cookie Monster, growling out as the smell of pizza-fresh, mozzarella, pepperoni-came from the space under his door. Oh, how beautiful it smelled! Mikey could almost taste the tartness of the sauce, the satisfying crunch of the crust, and the soft cheese give away as he sunk his teeth in.

Leo's voice floated through. "That's right, Mikey. Fresh pizza. And no one has grabbed a single slice."

"I wanna'."

"Shut up, Raph. Anyways, it's just sitting here, all alone. Practically begging for someone to go and eat it up. You can get it...if you come out."

'Come out. Out where Splinter is waiting to interrogate him and his brothers to laugh at him and for everyone to say it's his fault and to ask about all his secrets.'

That single thought was enough to make Mikey shake his head silently even though no one could hear it. He stayed where he was, ignoring the empty feeling in his stomach and how lonely he suddenly felt. He idly noted how he still had his hands clamped over his mouth.

"Nothing?" Donnie said in shock when the silence went on for too long.

Mikey could imagine the slumped figure of Leo. "I thought it would work," he heard his brother mutter. "Its pizza."

"This is more serious than I thought," Splinter commented. Probably stroking his beard.

“I know how to make him talk.” Mikey felt a deep sense of foreboding as he heard Raph’s voice. “Hey, Mikey! What’s your biggest secret?”

And the serum practically pushed it out of him. “I’m pansexual!” Mikey called back and felt the breath leave his lungs.

There was a pause that seemed to go on forever. Then-”Oh!” Donnie called out, tone unusually bright. “Cool! That-That’s cool, Mikey!”

"What does that mean?" asked Raph.

"I would like to know as well," said Splinter and-

'This isn't what I wanted.'

Mikey is choking. He's choking on everything that's being forced out of his mouth and its awful and ugly-

He bolts upright, now out of his shell, and his face is with with tears. It makes his mask feel weird, he hates that so he basically tears it off and suddenly hates the wraps around his wrist and kneepads and belt, and those come off to. His mask hangs like a handkerchief around Mikey's neck and it chokes him.

No, it's not the mask. Its all the truth piling up, the serum ready to show it to the world because Mikey just had to be born with a big, fat mouth-

He had wanted to be ready. Had a whole thing planned out where he'd tell his brothers. Now, that plan had been shit and spat on all because of Mikey who just had to exist to be a test subject-

There are black dots that grow brighter and brighter every time he blinks. They bob around him, blinding him. It feels painful to even look at them. It feels painful to breathe.

Someone is making this awful, ugly gasping noise and Mikey realizes with disgust that that's him. He wants it to stop but can't stop he can't, and hitting the sides of his head doesn't work. Curling up on his bed doesn't work. Throwing something-some ball-at the wall doesn't work. Practically punching himself and biting his tongue and burying his face in his pillow doesn't work. Nothing is working.

Someone is talking through the door, still talking. "-isten to me! It will be okay. Will you please come out-"

Mikey is sick of talking.

"Leave me alone!" The scream that comes out of him is far too shrill, far too cracked. Its a jagged icicle that's been waiting to crash down. "Leave me alone!"

"Mi-"

The next scream pulls together every dark feeling Mikey has even had and turns his voice into something horrendous. "Leave!" he screeches, feeling more animal than ever. He thinks he keeps screaming it. He thinks he stops. Really, Mikey isn't sure. All he knows is the he basically outed himself when he wasn't fucking ready.

His papa's voice rises above all the noise. "We will not leave you!"

"Then I will!" Mikey shouts and he has to follow up with that, right?

It's easy to wrench the door open suddenly. Easy to ignore the wide-eyed looks from his family. Easy to throw a handful of smoke bombs. Easy to leap over Raph's head and run towards the exit of the lair. Easy to pump his legs so that it takes him down the twisting tunnels of the sewers and towards-towards-

Where the hell should he go?

'You're hiding place,' a helpful voice whispers in his head. The hiding place is closely to the lair, a series of shelves carved into the walls. There's some metal sheets there Mikey uses to cover himself so no one can see him. Sometimes just to be alone. Sometimes to cry. Like right now.

Mikey turns a corner and there it is, beckoning him over. He basically hurls himself over to the lowest shelf and pulls the metal sheets to cover his body. Only then does he tuck himself fully in his shell and let the tears pour out, feeling as if nothing will ever be right.

Of course, it would be Donnie who would find him.

Bro probably put a track in the threads of Mikey's mask and only revealed that once he left the lair. Mikey could tell it was Donnie because of the way he walked. Master Splinter walked all slow and purposeful, gaining your attention with his steps. Leo's own gait was quick and almost silent, but sometimes there was shuffling noises. Raph could be quiet too except when he's angry; stomping is associated with him. Donnie is quick in the way he walks, always rushing to something.

So, when Mikey heard that specific walk, he goes silent like a ninja do. Holds his breath even as the footsteps grow louder and louder. He doesn't want his brother to see him like this, curled up in his shell and still sniffling like a kid throwing a tantrum. 

'God, can you be on my side today?'

The footsteps pause. Mikey tenses up. Then, the sound of the metal sheet infront of him moving.

'Oh, fuck you, God. Fuck you right up in the ass.'

"Mikey?" he heard Donnie asked cautiously as if talking to a skittish animal. "Its just me. Donnie." There was the sound of soft thuds and the voice being closer. A cool hand rested on his shell, comforting."Its just me."

There was a lot of things Mikey wanted to say right now. A lot of things he was feeling. Anger at Donnie for testing that truth serum on him in the first place. Mortification at being caught in such a state. Fear on what would happen next. Tiredness because a lot has happened in just two days. There was so much going on that Mikey doubted he could put it in words.

"Mikey, please talk to me," begged Donnie, his voice smaller than usual. "I-Its weird having you so quiet."

What a weird thing to say. You'd think that his family would be happy that he's finally shutting up.

Donnie let out a huff before shifting again. It sounded like he was on the floor. "Well, one of us has to talk," he said in his 'I'm talking and you better listen' voice. "So, I will. You-You really scared us back there when you were in your room. You skipped lunch, you didn't answer to any of us. You even refused pizza! Master Splinter was sitting there for so long it was honestly impressive. And-And you would think you'd come out eventually but you were still in your room. It was weird."

'He said weird like it was a bad thing. But, didn't Donnie want me out of the lab?'

Donnie continued talking, his hand know petting Mikey's shell. "And then-then Raph asked that question about your secret, and everything happened so fast. When you left, Sensei told us to search everywhere. Leo is still checking the lair and Raph is on the other side of the tunnels."

'You're making them work,' a vicious voice snarled in Mikey's head. 'You always do this. They always have to clean up your mess.' That voice made him curl even further into his shell, wishing he could wink out of existence. 

Donnie let out a soft sigh. "Will you please come out for me, sanī?"

'Sunny.' Donnie had not called Mikey that in a long, long time. Their family reserved their Japanese for special moments. Leo, Splinter, and Donnie in particular called others by nicknames in Japanese, a special sweetness reserved for important moments. Mikey guessed this was important.

So, with great difficult, he slowly uncurled himself from his shell. First his arms and legs, then his head. Mikey hoped that it wasn't obvious that he had been crying.

If he did, Donnie didn't give any indication. Instead, the purple masked turtle smiled gently at him from where he's sitting on the ground before the shelf. "Hey, Mikey," Donnie greets softly, reddish brown eyes gleaming with something.

Mikey opened his mouth to say something-a clever greeting, a joke, maybe even a simple hi-but his voice had gone on vacation. Face burning and mouth dry, he shifted so that he was sitting on the shelf. Donnie took this as a cue to sit besides him, and wrap an arm around his shoulder. It was a comforting gesture that Mikey could not help but lean into, suddenly away of how cold he felt. The two of them sat like that for a while, listening to the drip-drops of water and the gurgle of pipes. 

It was Donnie who broke the silence. "Mikey, I'm sorry," he said, shame thick in his voice and eyes.

'Wait, what?' Mikey turned his head so fast he felt something weird in his neck. "Why are you-?"

Donnie interrupted him, clearly on a roll. "I should have asked for your permission to use that truth serum from the beginning. I don't know when I stopped caring about what you wanted, but it was wrong of me. Sensei told me that night during dinner. If that thing hadn't even existed, you wouldn't be in this mess." He lifted his head so that he met Mikey's gaze. "I'm sorry, Mikey."

Mikey didn't know how to process this. Shouldn't he be the one apologizing? Wait, he could be! "Its fine, bro," he said, trying to work around the frog in his throat. "Water under the bridge. Just happy you're not mad at me. And I'm sorry for getting you in trouble."

Donnie's brow furrowed in confusion. "Who said I was mad at you? And you didn't get me in trouble."

Man, for being a genius, Donnie can sure be slow (which makes sense since he's a turtle). "You got in trouble at dinner when everyone found out about your testing," Mikey explained. Wasn't it obvious? "And you wouldn't talk to me all day or anything."

Here, Donnie winced, ducking his head. "That was-That was because I was guilty, Mikey," he managed out. 

Mikey blinked once, twice. "W-What?" he could not help but ask. "Why?"

It was Donnie's turn to blink at him in shock. "Because I test things on you without permission, Mikey!" he exclaimed, waving his free arm around. "That-That violates a ton of laws! If we were human, I'd be in jail. I couldn't look at you because I kept on thinking about all the things I've used on you, and how dangerous it could have been for you. You didn't say anything because I must have scared you. And I've just been doing it over and over-" He let out a laugh that held no humor, a soulless sound, and dropped his head. "Oh, I'm such an idiot."

"No, you aren't!" The words burst out from Mikey because what his brother was saying was so. So wrong. "You calling yourself an idiot is like calling me smart. And we both know I'm not."

This was Donnie's cue to laugh knowingly because what was being said was right. Instead, his frown grew even deeper. "You-You don't really think I think you're an idiot, right?"

Mikey's back in that hot air balloon, floating away from his brother's arms. "Well, duh," he hears himself say even though he wants to shut up. "I mean, who else knows everything about tech and medicine and all that stuff. I can't even sit still enough to listen to you, Dee. You're the smartest person I know. I-I can't remember or even think of anyone matching up to you, and it definitely isn't gonna' be me. Everyone else agrees with you, too-"

As he continued to speak (his traitorous mouth), Donnie's arm tightened around his shoulders, pressing him furthering against his side.

“-and you always call me an idiot. Sometimes I deserve it, sometimes I wonder why. Like with all the mutagen stuff and ruining your projects and shit like that. And I guess what I’m sayin’ is that you’d be better off without me annoying you and messing things up like always-”

Donnie’s hands are cold, a good cold as they grab at Mikey’s head and turn it so that blue meets reddish brown. Those eyes are swirling with so many emotions and tears, and Mikey realizes with a pang that he caused this. He put that look in his older brother's eyes.

“Never say that again,” Donnie hissed out fiercely. “You hear me? Don’t you even say those words again.” He presses his forehead against Mikey’s like how they used to as kids, as if searing the words into the skin. “I yell at you and call you names, I know I do that-But, never, ever think for a second that I don’t want you around, Mikey. What I've been doing has been so, so wrong. You-You are the only little brother I have in the entire world and if anything happened to you-I would-God, I’d go insane! If you disappeared I don't know what I'd do. And if-if I put that idea in your head then I’m so, so sorry." Now, he's the one who's crying, silent tears staining his mask into a darker shade of purple.

Mikey finds himself crying, too, great hitching sobs that hurt his throat. He had expected his words to be breezed over, had expected to be dismissed. But, once again, Donnie surprised him by actually listening. The tears are not mocked nor the way snot drips from his nose or how he shakes. His brothers arms stay tight around him, and they pull him gently back to Earth, out of the hot air balloon.

When they walk back to the lair, their family is waiting for them.

Leo is the first one to jump up. "What were you thinking?!" he begins saying, tone harsh. Mikey can't help the way his fists clench, the hot boiling cauldron of rage that fills him at his eldest brother's accusing tone.

Leo isn't even done. "Why were you acting like that and running away?" he demands more than asks, taking a couple of more steps towards Mikey. He would have come closer had it not been for Donnie who steps forward, eyes narrowed and stretching to his full height. It's enough to stop their eldest brother in his tracks.

"Lay off him, Leo," demands Donnie, lips curled. The hand holding Mikey's squeezes reassuringly. "Mikey's been through some stuff."

The blue masked turtle opened his mouth to argue but stopped. Master Splinter had stood from the couch and made his way towards them. Mikey recalled how he had acted, blurting out such private things and then rushing to his room like a total loser.

Except, it didn't seem like Splinter thought he was a loser. It looked like he thought Mikey might run away again. 'Great job upsetting your dad, dumbass,' that awful voice hissed in his head. It made Mikey want to duck his head, and he would have had it not been for warm, furry hands holding his face gently and lifting them up. Old brown eyes shined with nothing but concern and love.

"Michelangelo, are you alright?" asked Splinter, eyes darting all over Mikey as if scanning for injuries.

Mikey nods as best as he can with his head held. "Yeah, 'm fine," he mutters, aware of how dry his throat felt. "Kinda' thirsty, though."

"I'll get it," Donnie volunteers, dropping Mikey's hand and heading towards the kitchen. Without him anchoring Mikey, Splinter guides him to the couch where a clearly agitated Raph is sitting (although he'll hide it). 

"Where were you?" asked Raph gruffly as soon as Mikey sat down next to him. He's all tensed up, arms crossed and fingers tapping with a deep frown on his face. If you're his family and friend, you'd know it's his 'I'm hella' concerned for you, but also want to act all cool and tough' look.

Not wanting to expose his hiding spot, Mikey says simply "Close by. Don't know how Donnie found me" and accepts the glass of water said brother hands him. That same brother stands behind him, placing a hand on his head to rub it.

"Michelangelo, yoko." That's Splinter, sitting at Mikey's left, his paws resting on his shoulder. The weight of it is grounding and strong, something you can't escape. "May we have that talk now?" It's weird to hear Splinter talk so cautiously.

A bolt of fear strikes Mikey through the chest. Wow, are his knees fascinating to look at. "Can I take a raincheck?" he asks meekly.

Splinter frowns, rubbing his shoulder. "Not this time, my son. This time, we are listening. We are worried about you."

Mikey looks down at his glass of water, studying the way things look through the glass. He looks at his papa, who had sat outside his door for a long time just for him. At Leo, who had not accused him of cheating but had wanted Mikey to grow more in fighting, to see him bloom into something more. At Raph, who will always care but can't help his anger issues and has an apology that's being built behind his eyes. At Donnie, who never once let go of Mikey when he cried in those sewers.

So, Mikey takes a deep breath and let the truth roll out.

He talks about wanting to make them all happy. A goal he's always know his entire life. All those pranks, jokes, ideas-all to get a smile out of each family member. About how it doesn't matter what he feels as long as his brothers are the ones smiling, too.

He talks about being scared for his older brothers who he's seen fall far too many times. That Leo's desire to do and be good will lead him to self-sacrifice, and how he carries so much weight he'll crumble. That Raph's passion and anger are inspiring, but what if it turns against him? Raph would crumble because this turtle loves his family so, so much that he goes crazy if they're hurt. That Donnie is too hard on himself to the point where he's left cracks in his own skin, and still tries to carry the weight of the world, with his obsessive habits fueling him. How in every battle Mikey is always making sure his brothers are safe because that's his family and no one messes with them.

He talks about sand castles. How he tries, he really does, but nothing works for good ol' Mikey. How he wishes someone could appreciate his efforts in something other than goofing off and cooking. How he wishes their sensei would seek him out, see that he needs a warm hug, and actually go through with it. How he fears of holding them back so if there are days when he's quiet it means Mikey is giving his 100%.

He talks about how much he likes looking at both men and women or anyone who is attractive. How it had scared the shit out of him because why couldn't he be normal? How he had almost strangled those feelings to death because they weren't natural. If they were, he'd be seeing it everywhere. How a simple Google search led him down history lessons and fun facts and songs and poems and finally, finally a name for him. How he wants a flag with the pansexual colors displayed proudly.

He talks about what it feels like to be the family idiot (Raph flinches at those blunt words, but hey, they asked). How he has difficulty understand big words and the methods used to learn them. How he wants to be enough. How he knows he screws-up, but did everyone have to remind him of those moments only? How it hurts, to the point where Mikey thinks awful things about his family and he's incredible ashamed of that. How he knows what the team things of him: Mikey the goof-ball, the screw-up, the loser, the dumb one, a bother, the one who will never be enough, the one who can't be trusted with anything, the one who no one wants-

A pair of arms wrap around him. "That's not true," Raph chokes out, voice all wobbly. "That's not true at all, Mikey. Don't ever think that."

Leo kneels down in front of him, eyes wide, a picture of heartbreak. "You-You don't think that of yourself, right?" he asks as if afraid of the answer.

With Donnie's hands tight on his shoulders, Mikey nods.

Leo's face crumples up, despair growing in his eyes. He reaches forward, and now Mikey has two brothers hugging him and-Yep, there's Donnie, the tall motherfucker enveloping all three of them in a hug. Raph keeps on saying how that's not true, that he always wants his little brother, that every word he says should be ignored. Leo keeps saying "Oh, otōto. Saiai no otōto" over and over, and he's a balm to this festering thing Mikey has in his chest. Donnie nuzzles the top of Mikey's head, a warm shadow above all of them.

Mikey peaks over at their sense who has taken both of his hands into his own, squeezing them. Splinter looks like he's in great pain, blinking too rapidly and whiskers drooping. Mikey wonders how awful of a son he could be to put that look on his papa's face. How horrible of a brother he is to ever doubt that his older brothers love him to death.

Another thought crosses him mind. "Do you-" He has to pause because his voice sounds rusty as hell. The glass of water had done nothing to help. "Do you guys not care that-that I'm pan? Pansexual, I mean?"

Raph breaks away from their embrace a bit, green eyes wide. "No! No way! I mean, we care that you thought we'd be bothered by it. And Donnie already told us about it, and I'm really sorry, Mikey. I didn't-" Raph's jaw moved up and down a bit, as if chewing on his words to mold them into something right. "If I had known I'd expose ya' back there I wouldn't have asked. But, I could care less about who you love. Just care that you know that I love you, bro."

Oh, wow! Way to make Mikey's eyes water, Raphie boy! Way to say the exact opposite of what he had imagined anyone saying.

Donnie's voice comes from above. "We'll get you that flag, Mikey. The biggest one we can find. And if anyone has a problem with you being pansexual, then I can use them as a test subject!" He sounds way, way too giddy for that.

Mikey finds his face being turned. Leo's eyes are shiny with tears but he's smiling. "You're not alone, Mikey," he says, voice all pillow soft. "You're not."

Mikey's brain catches it before anyone else. He can't stop the gasp that escapes him. "You-!" he practically shouts, pointing at his blue masked brother.

Leo lets out a water chuckle, grabbing Mikey's outstretched hand and-and shit he's shaking. This is all probably scary for him. "Yeah, me! I-I'm not pan but I like guys. Probably started with Captain Ryan..."

Leo trails off when a furry arm wraps around his shoulders. "Sensei?"

Splinter's eyes still look shiny but he's smiling wild as if looking at the most beautiful thing in the world. "I am just," he begins saying, managing to hug all four of them. "So proud of you boys. So proud of the people you've grown up." The smile falls away and the room darkens a bit as he looks at Mikey, taking one hand into his own again. "Yoko, if I had ever said...or done anything to make you think I never loved you...to make you even think that you are not wanted...then I have truly failed as a father." He raises a hand to silence the protests that erupt from Mikey and his brothers. "A father should never have let his own child think he has a favorite; I love all of you equally. A father should never have make his youngest think he is less than. A father should have never.-"

Splinter can't even finish the rest of his sentence because Mikey is freeing himself from his brother's embrace to embrace his papa. His papa, who actually listened to him. His papa, who plants a kiss on top of Mikey's head. His papa, who makes mistakes but that's the human in him, okay? He's trying.

And everyone else tries. And Mikey can see the before and after. And when he takes down Raph during sparring, there is that outraged fury but it melts away into appreciation. And when him and Leo talk, it's not just about training but about cute boys; Mikey feels so much closer with his eldest brother. And Donnie lets him bounce into the lab, showing him what he's working on. And Splinter has deep, deep conversations with Mikey its insane. And one morning, Mikey wakes up to see the pan flag draped over him like a blanket, the bright colors so beautiful he cries. Leo gets his own flag too and he starts crying, and their other brothers were so, so confused.

The truth serum is still kept but in a safe. Mikey plans out badass moves with Leo. He still gets smacked around but that's family. His brothers learn how to ask him if he's doing okay, and Mikey reminds them to come to him to talk as well. When a word is spoken, someone explain it to him with patience Mikey has never seen before.

It looks like the truth doesn't always hurt (well, it actually does since that's how the saying goes. You know what he means).