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It was the end of another lunch service at The Baratie; the kitchen noisy and the banter high as the staff worked to get the orders out quicker than they came in.
Sanji was busy searing another beautiful joint of beef when he heard his father's uneven footsteps 'thud' their way across the tiled floor towards him.
"Eggplant..." Zeff rumbled in a worryingly calm voice, slapping a crumpled letter down on the side of Sanji's prep station. "Why has another waiter just handed in his resignation, crying?"
"No idea, old man." The blonde replied innocently as he transfers the beef to the oven, keeping his hands busy and his eyes anywhere but on his adoptive father's face. "Maybe he was another whiny little pre-teen who lacked manners..."
"...Just a guess, of course." Sanji added, because he was raised on sarcasm and snide comments after all and he physically couldn't help himself.
Zeff just levelled him a pointed stare, equally used to his son's bullshit.
Sanji moved to grab the next order slip from the peg line but quickly aborted the action in order to avoid the wooden spoon that slaps towards his hand.
The 'thwack' of wood on the stainless steel counter is enough to make the whole kitchen fall silent as the two stop to glare at each other.
Alerted to the drama, Patty and Carne - the two most veteran staff members - slowly slide to the other side of the prep station. Well-practiced in the art of damage control, they clear the peg line of tickets and quickly redistribute the orders amongst the team.
"Shall we try that again Half-pint?" His old man growled, one bushy brow raised and a smirk clearly visible beneath his overgrown moustache.
"What?" Sanji challenged, switching to the defensive. "It wasn't my fault ok!?"
"The waiter said you pinned him to the lockers with your foot."
"He-" The blonde started.
"-He said you made him recite some shitty verse about how women are goddesses and should be treated as such."
"It wasn't quite-"
"-He said you did this because he was badmouthing a customer, who just so happened to be female, for leaving a shitty tip."
"well..."
"He didn't seem to think you had cared so much when a male customer had been insulted just an hour before."
"That doesn't-"
"In fact, he said it's usually you who starts the bitching. Whether about tips, leftover food or just because you just dont like a customers face..."
"I wouldn't say-"
"Stop the bullshit Sanji! I see your shitty attitude on a daily basis!"
"Well if you know all this shit already, why even bother asking me what happened!?" Sanji finally snapped, sick of his old man interrupting him.
"BECAUSE I WAS HOPING YOU'D OWN UP TO YOUR SHIT ALREADY AND TREAT THE WAIT STAFF AND CUSTOMERS WITH A LITTLE MORE RESPECT." Zeff yelled back, voice booming across the kitchen.
"THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DESERVE MY RESPECT ARE THE WOMEN I SERVE, OLD MAN" Sanji screamed back, not one to back down.
Strangely enough it was Zeff who fell silent first, his face still red in barely restrained anger but no harsh words forthcoming.
"Well shit..." The old chef said instead. "I guess it's a shame you won't be serving many of them for a while, huh?"
"What?"
"I'm relegating you, you little shit." He growled.
"You can't-" Sanji squeaked as the punishment sunk in.
"I can and I am. Now, move away from that oven before you cremate that joint and get out of my kitchen before I personally haul your bratty ass down the road myself."
"Fine! Whatever, old man... I don't need this crap anyways!" He shouted, storming out the restaurant's back door.
When Zeff had opened up Three French Hens to run alongside the Baratie, Sanji and his pops had envisioned the fried chicken shop to be a great way for them to fill the hungry bellies of those with shallower pockets - something that had become increasingly more difficult to do as the Baratie's reputation improved.
What the 19 year-old hadn't expected, was for his foster father to use it to punish him whenever he disapproved of something Sanji had done - which was a frustratingly common occurrence.
Sanji shucked his suit jacket off and rolled his sleeves up in a pre-emptive move to prevent the smell of fried food from clinging to him too much. Sighing in resignation he entered the shop; the little bell jingling to announce his arrival.
"Oh great! You're here!"
"Oh great. You're here..."
The juxtaposition between the two greetings made the blonde roll his eyes; of course the green-haired, single-braincelled, jock of a delivery driver would be working today... At least Usopp was also on shift.
"Nice to see you too Usopp!" He replied in kind to the friendly hello before muttering just a curt 'Moss' at the other man.
Before said 'mossball' could retort, the blonde made a beeline for the staffroom door; closing it behind him a little louder than necessary.
"Oh no, don't tell me you and Zoro have argued already?" His favourite red-head asked coolly from her spot on the staffroom sofa and Sanji would forever deny having jumped at the sudden sound of Nami's voice.
"Ah, hello my sweet!" He said, a genuine smile warming his face as he moved to fill the coffee pot up.
"Not quite..." He explained a little sheepishly, "that was me avoiding him before we could argue."
The eyebrow raised in his direction made him a little uncomfortable, so he broke eye contact to reach for two mugs instead. "You know we can't hold our tongues around each other... Would you like a cup of coffee, my dear?"
"No thank you." The red-head replied, raising the half-full mug in her hands in a mini 'cheers'. "You know, I really don't know why you and Zoro dislike each other so much... I kind of though you had a thing for him when he first started."
"Oh God no! His few good points are not good enough to make up for his shitty attitude... You know what he's like. Especially towards you."
"Don't be silly Sanji," she chided gently as she stood to join the blonde at the counter. "You know, just as well as I do, that he is all bark and no bite... And I've told you before, we've known each other for years, he's like a stupid litrle green brother to me."
"Mmm... Well, I still don't agree with how he talks to you. Or how he treats women in general - I'd hate to think how he talks to the customers when he drops off their food."
His co-worker laughed at that.
"Well.." She smirked, finishing the dregs of her coffee and dropping her mug in the sink. "We certainly don't get many complaints: I imagine the customers quite enjoy his rough attitude... Bad boys and all that."
"That's something I'll never understand about women..."
"And men, Sanji!" She added with a wink. "Anyway, back to work. I can send Usopp in if you need more time to commiserate before you start."
He laughed at that before following the petite red-head to the door. "No, no. All good my sweet, thank you."
She hummed knowingly as she tapped Usopp on the shoulder to relieve him from tills; her preferred post. "Well enough about that lug-head anyways. What did you do to piss Zeff off this time?"
"Ah, it's not a surprising story, my dear... Where is the idiot anyways?"
Looking around the front of the shop, he missed the pointed glance shared between his friends.
"Presuming you mean Zoro, not Zeff? He's out on delivery." Usopp answered, donning his apron and stepping into the kitchen to top up the fryers. "Ah, I presume I'm handing the kitchen reins over to you Sanj?"
"If you don't mind 'Sopp - that way I can at least play around with the menu while I'm here."
"By all means..." His friend replied, hands raised in playful submission, "As long as we can taste-test those changes and I don't have to clean the toilets..."
The door bell chimed as two college students walked in.
"Wait," Sanji said smelling a trap. "Who would have cleaned if I wasn't-"
"-ANYWAY, good to have you here my man!" Usopp cheered, pushing Sanji towards the fryers. "Can't wait to taste anything new you come up with!"
It was Nami that shut the lanky teen up as she smacked him lightly over the head and shoved the cleaning roster into his chest, turning back to serve the customers before he could argue the roles any further.
As Sanji cooked up the small order of wings and fries for the waiting couple, Sanji taste-tested the marinades and spice mixes, recalling a conversation he'd had at the Baratie with a lovely lady the week prior.
He passed the boxed order over to Nami to bag up and opened up the pantry to look at the ingredients.
"Hey Nami my dear, do you get many customers asking for gluten free food?"
"Mm, we did when we first opened but not anymore I don't think - a chicken shop isn't really the place many girls think of for a health kick."
"No, I'm not thinking about for diets," he corrected gently, pulling out the soy sauce to read the label. "I had a lovely customer who was coeliac come in to the Baratie the other day and it got me thinking... There's no reason we can't change the marinade bases and the flour we use here to make the kitchen 100% gluten free."
"I mean, sure... Would it be any more expensive?" She asked as the door chimed again, interrupting their conversation. "Welcome to Three- ah Zoro! Congratulations on making it back in less that an hour."
"Shut up witch." He grumbled, ruffling his helmet hair back into some semblance of presentable. "You programmed the damn Satnav after all, didn't you?"
"Did you say you made Nami set your Satnav up again!?" Sanji interrupted, storming to the front of the shop to shout at the delivery driver over the counter. "Stop giving her more work to do - And watch how you speak to her."
"Oh shut it, Line Cook. What are you even doing here anyway? Daddy sick of you making a fool of yourself in front of the customers again?"
"What did you say you, shitty directionless Marimo?" Sanji squawked, rounding the counter to square up to the man. "Don't you dare criticise my job when you can't do yours without Nami's help!"
"So what if I don't know every road in the damned city and besides, no-one else would put up with your shitty attitude for minimum wage!" Zoro shouted back.
"My shitty attitude!?" Sanji spluttered, as Usopp moved to stand next to Nami once more. "You are the definition of-"
The long-nosed teen sighed to his co-worker. "Looks like a big one this time huh?"
"Yup." She replied, popping her 'p' as she took the opportunity to do the mid-shift cash up. "He was in a pretty lousy mood when he got here to be fair, I suppose we should have expected it."
"-DOES IT FOR MY TIPS ANYWAYS!"
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT PART OF HER ROLE DESCRIPTION JACKASS!"
"-Oh. They're still on the Satnav thing huh?" The black haired teen deadpanned.
"Seems like it... Why can't Zeff just check the roster before he sends Sanji down here?"
"'Cos he's just as hot-headed as his son?" Usopp supplied, watching a potential customer back away from the doorway and walk in the other direction. "Ah geez, Zoro grabbed his shirt... Guess we should break this up before Sanji-"
"You dare pop a stich on this shirt, I swear to God I'll -"
"Too late." She replied as they watched the pair's argument devolve into shirt-tugging and name-calling "You wanna get between all of... whatever this is?"
"No thank you. I seem to have developed a strong case of "I-don't-want-to-get-involved-itis'."
"Uhuh..." Nami smirked at her co-worker and friend. "I'll text Zeff."
The boys were basically grappling on the shop floor by the time the owner walked in.
Having seen the fight clearly through the glass shop front on his way over, he didn't even stop to assess the situation, just walked over to grab the nearest miscreant by the scruff of his shirt, separating them.
"What the HELL do you think your doing Eggplant?" Zeff yelled, still holding Zoro's shirt as he faced his son. "I sent you here to keep you out of trouble, not so you could get in another fight!"
Sanji at least had the self-awareness to stay quiet and look embarrassed as he stood and brushed his clothing down, Zoro on the other hand looked far too smug for a guy being handled like an unruly cat.
"I've had enough." The older chef continued, fuming. "You're banned from both kitchens for the foreseeable future. I don't want to see you pick up a pack of ketchup, let alone touch the fryers until I say so."
"WHAT!?" Sanji screeched.
Disbelief quickly morphed to anger and the blonde turned towards the staff room to grab his jacket. "Fine. It's not like I want to work anyways!"
"Nuh-uh." Zeff warned. "These guys aren't going to suffer short-staffed because you are a petulant child. Make yourself useful and scrub the floors you've just been scuffing up - You're on cleaning duty for a week, here and at the Baratie."
Sanji smartly refrained from commenting on this (or on Usopp's very much not subtle fist pump).
"You on the other hand." Zeff seethed, turning his attention to the teen still in his grasp. "You can come with me."
"What!?" Zoro visibly paled as Zeff dragged him towards the door. "Wait! Where are we - what about deliveries?"
"I'll send someone over."
...
When Zeff marched Zoro back over twenty minutes later in a giant chicken costume, Sanji could honestly say he thought he might have gotten off lightly this time.
"Don't say a word." Zoro growled as his rubber feet flooped across the tiles.
Unable to hold it in any longer, Usopp and Sanji's harsh laughter rang out across the shop. Nami, only slightly more composed than the boys, immediately grabbed her phone to document the moment.
"Oi! I didn't say you could take pictures." Zoro complained, flailing a winged arm out to snatch Nami's phone. "Stop it!"
Safe out of reach behind the counter Nami fearlessly continued snapping pictures. "No way... But don't worry big bird, I'll take off 10% from the sales of these off of your debt."
"What debt!? Oi!" He fumed, wings up to hide his face from the camera. "You can't sell pictures of me in this stupid thing!"
"Fine 20%. Suck it up already and look this way!"
"Oh my god," Sanji wheezed through tears. "Please Nami, I'll buy a copy from you."
"What the hell Curly-brows!?" Zoro spluttered at the betrayal.
"What!? There's no way I ever want to forget this. " The blonde argued. "Tone down the blush though Moss; yellow, green and red is a terrible colour combination."
Red crept further up the deliver driver's face at the provocation but Zeff's gruff voice quickly cut through the laugher.
"Alright, enough. You brats have lost me enough money already... Stop gawking-"
"Squawking." Usopp cut in bravely.
"-And get back to work." The chef finished before pointing at Zoro again. "Franky will be here in 10 to take over on deliveries so get out there and start drawing those customers back in."
With a muttered 'this is so fucking humiliating' the chicken moved to head outside.
"What was that Brussel Sprout?"
"Ngg - " Zoro bit off whatever insult he'd been tempted to throw Zeff's way to instead mutter the lines he'd been given, deadpan and monotone. "If you're hungry, grab some chicken... We've got the best thighs in town."
Again, the young trio roared with laughter inside the shop - Sanji bent over double now, arms wrapped around his stomach.
"Louder brat!" Zeff shouted from the doorway, his own amusement just about hidden beneath his full moustache.
Louder, but still unenthusiastic, Zoro's dulcet tones carried clear from when he now stood on the sidewalk "If you're hungry, grab some chicken..."
"-And you, Stringbean," the chef said, turning back to threaten his troublemaker of a son. "I have a second one of those costumes back at the Baratie... Don't make me go get it."
Sanji sobered up real quick at the warning, laughter fading instantly as he watched his father hobble out the door on his prosthetic leg.
"Scary." Usopp said, voicing what they all knew already.
"Yup. But you gotta admit," Nami agreed as the phone began to ring. "The old man has a great sense of humour... Three French Hens, can I take your order?"
It was business as usual from then on, with the orders trickling in both from the streets and phone.
Franky turned up right on schedule, as Zoro continued to tell passers by about the shop's great thighs. The punk-looking older man took the time to greet Zoro with an amused 'looking good bro', before he headed inside to collect the first of his delivery jobs.
"How about those breasts big bird!" Sanji shouted to Zoro when Franky swung the door open.
The blue-haired man did a swift double-take on his way to the counter, bypassing the customer ordering with Nami and instead heading over to where Usopp was salting some fries.
"Er, 'Sopp..." He said sceptically. "Why is Sanji cat-calling Zoro?"
Usopp sighed dramatically in response as he continued boxing the customer's order. "Welcome to the madhouse Franky, he's been at it since Zeff left - Here you are."
"Thanks man... Wait, when did Zeff leave?"
The door chimed again as more customers walked in and Sanji took the open door as an invite to shout out an obviously thought-out line about Zoro's chicken legs, a faint 'fuck you' filtering back to them in response.
"Like 20 minutes ago? And he's already banned from the kitchen for fighting with him..." The fry-cook ranted as he began prepping the customer's order. "It was funny at first, true, but I dont know that I listen to much more of it today!"
"Sounds rough, buddy." Franky replied sympathetically, before grinning mischievously. "I got your back man."
"Huh?" He called dumbly as the big guy just sent him a thumbs up and turned back to the blonde in question.
"Hey Sanji! Buddy!" He shouted to the blonde now leaning ineffectually against a remarkably unused broom.
"Oh no..." Usopp groaned as everyone in the shop, including Sanji, turned towards the blue-haired man.
"If you're not gunna do any work today," He started. "Can you and Zoro at least just flirt like normal humans for once?"
The blonde in question choked out a broken 'What!?' as he splutted at the unexpected question, various levels of snorts and giggles sounding around him.
"I'm not...flirting!" He squeaked gesturing wildly at nothing in particular.
Franky leaned casually against the counter, eyebrow raised knowingly at the other man.
"Uhuh..." He replied flatly, "apparently you've been catcalling the man for 20 mins straight?"
"I'VE-" The blonde coughed to lower his voice an octave before trying again, "I've been insulting him for the last 20 minutes straight, not flirting!"
Face turning a noticeable shade of pink as the shop fell quiet, Sanji looked around for help. "Nami!? Usopp!?"
"Sorry man," The fry cook said, bagging up the next order and looking beleagueredly at the delivery still sitting next to Franky under the heat lamp. "I can't defend you on this one... You made a joke about his cock earlier."
The customer took the chance to duck through the middle of their conversation to grab his food quickly, before sneaking to the doors.
"I-" The bell made Sanji flinch slightly as he turned his head to check Zoro wasn't in ear-shot. "I didn't make a joke about his - I called him a giant cock!"
"Oh come on Sanji," Nami joined in, the three customers at the tills seemingly happy to enjoy the entertainment. "Even without the chicken costume, you cant leave each other alone."
"We hate each other, my dear!" He pleaded.
"You literally gravitate towards each other." Usopp added (un)helpfully.
"So?" Sanji squeaked. "So we get in each other's faces a little when we argue..."
"You have pet names for each other... 'Curly-brow'."
An echo of 'Marimo' followed closely behind this from the red-headed cashier.
"They're INSULTS, not pet-names!"
"Sanji honey," Nami continued, "when he first started working here, we caught you playing with his chest."
"That! That wasn't -" The flustered blonde once again began guesturing wildly at the empty space between him and the others. "The muscle-headed idiot was insulting women! He had the audacitiy to audacity to say his chest was 'just as big as a woman's, so he should get the same treatment they do' to me!"
"And is it?"
"Tha-that's beside the point." Sanji spiralled and spluttered as his embarrassment grew.
The whole situation was ridiculous and his arguments were just falling flat so he turned to slam the door open, shouting to Zoro for help. "Marimo, back me up here!"
With a grumbled 'what now?', the mascot flopped his way towards the shop as Sanji continued ranting.
"It's ridiculous! They think we're flirting!" He screeched.
"Wait, we're not?"
The shop was deadly silent as the penny dropped.
"You? You thought we... That was you flirting!?" Sanji said dumbly, brain short-circuiting as the conversation came full circle. "When!? All you do is insult me?"
"Not all the time..." The chicken mumbled, wing coming up to rub the back of his neck. "But, yeah sometimes it's meant to be flirting... I called you pretty-brows the other day."
"That's a compliment!?"
"Well yeah." Zoro grumbled, looking like he at least knew how terrible of a flirt he was. "What about you anyway!? You call me Marimo all the time and they symbolise everlasting love..."
"THEY WHAT!?" Sanji screeched - a sentiment echoed, albeit quieter, by their colleagues in shop. "IT'S A MOSS BALL! MOSS IS AN INSULT!"
"Oh..." He replied quietly, strangely composed for someone who had just been called out. "Soz, I guess?"
"Soz?" Sanji repeated, straightening up to stare aghast at the man. "Not even 'sorry'?"
"Nah, like, I'm not really good with words? You know that."
"It's true." Usopp chimed in. "The most he ever talks is when you two argue..."
"Not helping." The blonde said flatly.
"Nnn-" Zoro made an aborted noise as his hand came back up to his neck in either frustration or embarrassment. "...I can try harder next time?"
"Next time!? What next time? I-"
"Sorry man," One of the customers interrupts, looking bored now. "This has been fun and all but the game is starting in 40... Can you, like, just kiss the chicken already or something so I can order?"
"Cluck off Bozo!" The blonde warned, turning to face the man. "I'm-"
"-WORKING!" Boomed a voice that made them all flinch, door chiming a little too late. "The end of that sentence better be 'I'm working' or I swear to God Eggplant, I'll cut off something you hold dear, fry it and force-feed it to your seaweed-headed boyfriend over there!"
"DONT DRAG HIM INTO THIS!"
"DONT DRAG ME INTO THIS!"
"..."
"..."
"...You're both fired."
"But-" They both argued.
"OUT!"
The two slinked out the shop without further argument as Zeff's glare moved to scrutinise the others.
Nami jumped into action, taking the customer's order whilst Franky took the opportunity to grab the delivery and run, winking at Usopp as he retreated from the mess he had caused.
The food in Franky's hands must have been well and truly cold by now but the fry-cook didn't have the strength in him to complain, so instead he just turned back towards the kitchen to suffer in silence.
Kicked out by Zeff, the two newly fired teens just on the sidewalk around the side of the shop, out of sight of the old man should he look.
"Don't worry... He won't really fire us." The blonde said to the chicken as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
Sanji didn't have it in him to mock the other man when he didn't reply, so he let the silence stretch for a beat and watched the moss-man sulk; his chicken head drooped between bent knees in defeat.
Eventually Sanji leaned sideways to gently nudge the other with his shoulder. He waited, with the softest of smiles on his face, for the idiot to glance up before speaking.
"... So, you were flirting with me, huh?"