Chapter Text
SOUND: RAIN FADES IN.
MUSIC: FADES IN.
CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome to the Penumbra.
Tonight’s tale is...
SOUND: DOOR OPENS.
Rita [REDACTED]… is the Heart of it All.
(DA CARTE BLANCHE)
SOUND: STEADY BEEPING.
MUSIC: STARTS.
RITA (NARRATOR): Previously, on The CARL BLANK…
Thanks to the help of one gosh-darn smart and plucky hacker, and the rest of her crew, the Steel Crime Family has finally got all the stuff they need to pull off the biggest heist of the decade- no, of the century!- (GASP) of the MILLENIA!- the heist to steal the Curemother Prime.
The Map. The Blade. The Book. AAAND the Key. With these four ingredients, the Steels and the Scarf Bunch are ready to cook up a (MISPRONOUNCING CRÈME BRÛLÉE) cream bru-ha-ha of Curemother CRIME!
But it hasn’t all been just boring episodes of “findin’-the-macguffin,” because that would be lame. No, just like in every other award-winnin’ stream, we got drama…
MUSIC: STOPS ABRUPTLY.
SOUND: REWIND.
NOVA (FLASHBACK): (OVER COMMS) (DISTANT) I said I love you! And I don't care if your wife knows it!
RITA (FLASHBACK): (EXAGGERATED GASP)
JUNO (FLASHBACK): (GROANING) Rita, look at what you’re doing. We can’t have a repeat of yesterday. We’ll run out of fire extinguishers!
RITA (FLASHBACK): But Booooss, it’s just gettin’ to the good part!!!
SOUND: ESCALATING CRACKS THEN SUDDENLY, A ROAR OF FLAMES.
JUNO (FLASHBACK): (YELP) RITA!
SOUND: FIRE EXTINGUISHER NOISES.
RITA (FLASHBACK): (CACKLING)
RITA (NARRATOR): We got suspense…!
SOUND: REWIND.
SOUND: A BIG SPLASH! BIG BUBBLES FLOATING TO THE SURFACE.
RITA (FLASHBACK): (GASPING AS SHE BREACHES THE WATER) HELP ME! SHARK!
RITA (NARRATOR): AND! (ALMOST CRYING) WE GOT SOME HEARTWARMIN’ MOMENTS!
SOUND: REWIND.
JUNO (FLASHBACK): (ALARMED) Are you crying too?
JET (FLASHBACK): Everyone cries, Captain.
RITA (FLASHBACK): (SHE BLOWS HER NOSE) Yeah, Mista Steel! Everyone cries!
RITA (NARRATOR): (SPOKEN FAST) And of course we got some filler in there too because would it even be a stream without a few filler episodes?!?!
SOUND: REWIND.
SOUND: THE FAMILY IS WATCHING A STREAM TOGETHER. A COPS-LIKE THEME SONG PLAYS FAINTLY.
RITA: Ohhhhhh thank you thank you thank you everybody for lettin’ me pick Bad Cops 4: Guns Are Illegal So Cops Use Swords Now for our stream night! This is my favorite stream ever!
VESPA: You said that about the last one.
BUDDY: And the one before that.
NUREYEV: (A LITTLE DEFENSIVE) Arguably, Rita can say that about a lot of her streams.
JET: There is wisdom in that, I think; if one possesses many favorites, one has many directions to learn and grow in.
VESPA: You shut up, Sikuliaq; you like every goddamn stream with a car chase in it.
JET: Correct. Though I do not like when they crash; that seems very violent to me.
BUDDY: … Jet, darling, weren’t you laughing when “Bad Chief’s” head was vaporized in Bad Cops 2? (SLY) Or did I mishear?
JET: Your tone suggests a contradiction that I do not see.
RITA: Everyone, shh! We’re gettin’ to the good part!
VESPA AND JET: (SIMULTANEOUS) Sorry.
NUREYEV: (SIMULTANEOUS) (SNICKER)
JUNO: (INCOHERENT GRUMBLE)
BUDDY: (TEASING) Yes, Captain? I believe I’m detecting a hint of pressing commentary on your end.
JUNO: I remember this stream. The “good part” Rita’s talking about is when Good Cop gets—
VESPA: (SIMULTANEOUS) Hey, c’mon, Steel.
JET: (SIMULTANEOUS) I would rather not know, Captain.
BUDDY: (SIMULTANEOUS) Oh, well, perhaps I shouldn’t have asked.
JUNO: Okay! Jeez. Tough crowd.
NUREYEV: (PAUSE; HUSHED:) Dear, I understand being upset that we didn’t get to watch Bad Cops 3, but spoiling our stream is a bit much.
JUNO: (LOUD) First of all, it’s called Bad Cops 3: The Legend of Good Cop, and second of all, Rita made us watch this stream like three months ago. Did you all forget already—?
RITA: SHUSH!
SOUND: STREAM EXPLOSION!
MUSIC: STREAM DRAMATIC VIOLINS.
GOOD COP (STREAM): I’m surprised you’re even still in this line of work, Rookie. After the last time—
SECRETARY (STREAM): (ALONG WITH RITA) I’m no rookie. You can’t boss me around anymore, Good Cop! And you’ll never get away with what you did no matter how many times you recover from those bullet wounds!
GOOD COP (STREAM): Didn’t we have some good times before? You’ll always be my rookie, Rookie.
SECRETARY (STREAM): (ALONG WITH RITA) Would your Rookie do this?! NYEH!
SOUND: GUN COCK.
SOUND: EVERYONE EXCEPT RITA WHISPERING TO THEMSELVES IN THE BACKGROUND.
JUNO: … reenacting it and you don’t get to call it a team-building exercise.
RITA: (BIG GASP) BOSS, THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!
NUREYEV: It really would be a wonderful t-!
VESPA: If you say the words “team-building exercise” one more goddamn time, old man-
BUDDY: (CONTEMPLATIVE) Well, let’s not be too too hasty, Vespa darling. After all, (HAIR TOSS) I was the director, stage manager, and star of the Solar Correctional Facility’s annual show every year. Prisoners of Love, if I recall correctly.
JET: Hm. I do not think that this would be a productive exercise.
JUNO: Yeah, the Big Guy agrees with me-!
JET: I would not want to have to deal with the pressure of being a star of the stream.
JUNO: (UNDER BREATH) Oh, for the love of-
JET: Besides, only Vespa knows how to capture my good side.
VESPA: Always knew you were too vain to be a star, Sikuliaq.
JET: (HUMMING IN AGREEMENT) Yes, it is my 106th worst trait.
NUREYEV: (MUSING) Remove the oh-six from that number, and I do believe you’ve got Aurinko’s worst trait as well.
BUDDY: (AFFRONTED NOISES)
VESPA: (DELIGHTED WHEEZING)
RITA: C’moooon guys, it would be so fun! Miss A could be the Mista Chief, Miss Vespa could be the Rookie’s P.I. friend, Mista Jet could be the Rookie. OOH! And Mista Ransom, you and I could play the two Goons, the one with the silly little accents that show up in every single installment as like a little Secret Egg!!!
ALL: (MORE SOUNDS OF INCOHERENT ARGUING)
RITA (NARRATOR): BUT! Just like in any great stream, and in any great cream bru-ha-ha for that matter, the plot- AND THE CUSTARD!- has GOT to thicken. (BEAT) Sue me, I’ve been binge-watchin’ the last three seasons of the Grand Bacchan Bakin’ Stream! (PONDERING) Or is it Bake On? ‘Cuz when I was downloadin’ it onto my comms it was under two different names, but they’re really so close together anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is.
… What was I sayin’?
RIGHT!
The super-secret-special-ingredient that gets us the thicker custa- I mean plot- is a TWIST! (GASP; UNDER BREATH) A lemon twist… (SHAKES HEAD) More importantly, a twist that makes the stream last for another 10 seasons! Because the worst thing about a stream is when it’s gotta end, right?
VESPA: (MAN, SHE REALLY GETS CAUGHT UP TOO EASILY IN RITALOGUE) Right. Uh, not to cut you off or anythin’— anything but. Why are we back in here?
BUDDY: It’s a Sunday, darling. The shooting range is currently occupied. I know it’s not the most comfortable place, but Rita asked for privacy and, well, where else but our very own base of operations?
VESPA: Okay, well. You guys know Sikuliaq has a camera in here, right?
BUDDY: (BEAT) I didn’t think he had the time to come in here after we acquired the Book. Did he tell you about that?
VESPA: That was here when we were getting the Book. Did you really not notice—?
SOUND: COMMS BEEPING.
Speak of the devil.
SOUND: BEEP AS SHE ANSWERS.
Hey. Fuck off.
SOUND: SHE HANGS UP.
RITA: Hey, that’s rude! Mista Jet’s a perfect little angel. He won’t even go along with our plan!
VESPA: If he’s an angel then what does that make us?
RITA: Weeeeell—
VESPA: Anyway, don’t you think he kinda has a point? Ransom already told you he thought about it. And besides, he’s just retiring, he’s not just gonna dump us on some asteroid as soon as we get the Curemother.
BUDDY: I sincerely hope not. I doubt they could fly this ship for more than a lightyear before crashing it and calling for you, Rita.
RITA: Aw, Miss A! You’re just sayin’ that!
Anyway, the plan isn’t to get Mista Ransom to keep us on afterwards, it’s to make it so he won’t ever even have to consider it! I mean, think about it, Miss Vespa. Mista Steel, he probably said somethin’ that convinced Mista Ransom that his only choice would be to leave with him or stay with us, and, pardon my Franch, but that’s some Grade A Baloney!
BUDDY: (CALCULATING MEME) … I don’t think that’s French.
RITA: Mista Steel’s been like that since I met him when he was just an itty bitty teen. If we just work REALLY REALLY hard, we may be able to change their minds before we even get to the Prime!
BUDDY: (SHE LEARNED THIS FROM JET) Is the plan to speak to them sometime before that? Like… An intervention?
VESPA: It’s like you haven’t been hanging around Steel for the better part of the year. You know neither of them really listen unless someone’s about to die, right?
RITA: EXACTLY!
VESPA: (BEAT; THEN, REALIZING:) Uh-uh. Nope.
SOUND: SHE STANDS UP.
I shouldn’t have told Sikuliaq to fuck off. We are not gonna get ourselves hurt just to convince them to stay.
RITA: Hm. There goes plans J through P. (SHE RECOVERS; FAST:) But we still got a whole bunch of other ones! Like—
SOUND: WHOOSH! FLASHFORWARD TO A CAR CHASE. PEW!-PEW!-PEW!-ING BLASTERS THROUGH A SPEAKER.
SOUND: A KEYBOARD CLACKING FURIOUSLY.
VESPA (COMMS): Step on it, Sikuliaq! Cops are catching up!
JET (COMMS): I’m trying, but the waterfall has not yet parted for us to make our exit!
JUNO (COMMS): Who the hell thought robbing an underwater bank was a good idea?!
NUREYEV: (CALM) Love, perhaps if you thought about the asteroid farmers they’ve been stealing land from, you’d think less about how fast you’re going. Just keep your head low and try not to think about throwing up, hm?
JUNO (COMMS): (WHINY) Nureyev, that’s not helpful.
RITA: (A LITTLE PANICKED) I almost got that waterfall open, Boss! How about you just— (LIGHTBULB!) Ooh! Think about the little extra we’re stealing from the bank so that we can make up for the repairs for the ship—
NUREYEV: If you’re busy, dear, I can handle making sure Juno’s alright.
JUNO (COMMS): (NOT FINE) Yeah. I’ll be fine.
RITA: (A LITTLE PUT-OUT) Oh! Alright-y then.
SOUND: INTERCOM BEEP.
NUREYEV: Aurinko, make sure the docking bay is prepped to receive them.
BUDDY (COMMS): I’ll be right on it. Aurinko out.
SOUND: STATIC AS SHE GETS OFF THE COMMS.
NUREYEV: We’ll meet you at the rendezvous point, love. Will you be needing anything?
VESPA (COMMS): Another first-aid kit for the Ruby. Pretty sure Steel just used one up.
JUNO (COMMS): Yep. (QUEASY) And a bag or something, maybe.
JET (COMMS): Captain, if you throw up in the backseat of this vehicle, I will not be held responsible for what I will–
SOUND: WHOOSH! FLASHFORWARD AGAIN!!
SOUND: ALARMS BELLS AND ROBOTS WHIRRING.
NUREYEV: Well. It appears the robotic security in this Robotic Security Factory is onto us. We’ll have to fight our way out.
BUDDY: It might not be as bad as you think. It’s four of us against… how many are there?
SOUND: POWER SHUTTING DOWN.
RITA: About a hundred fully built bots and a few thousand half-built ones. But who’s countin’, right?
JUNO: (BOTH HANDS ON HIS FACE) Who the hell thought practicing combat drills in a Robotic Security Factory was a good idea?!
NUREYEV: I’m afraid that would be the two of us, love.
VESPA (COMMS): You guys are armed to the teeth. You can make it back here without making a pit stop in the medbay.
JET (COMMS): Yes. But I believe Rita—
RITA: (HISSED) Shh! Mista Jet!! (CLEARS THROAT) Don’t worry, Miss Vespa. We will! BUT!
We gotta fight our way outta this…
Unarmed!
NYEH!
SOUND: MANY, MANY GUNS CLATTERING TO THE FLOOR BELOW. A FEW OF THEM SHOOT ON THEIR WAY DOWN.
SOUND: FAR AWAY (BUT NOT THAT FAR AWAY) EXPLOSION.
JUNO: (BEAT) We’re gonna die here.
BUDDY: At least that took out about a hundred by itself, right?
NUREYEV: (IN DISBELIEF) Rita, dear, why?
RITA: Well, if we’re gonna get Mista Steel and Miss A used to fightin’ without their cybernetic eyes again, it won’t be much of a challenge if they had a steady supply of blasters, right?
(BEAT; LIKE SHE’S REVEALING THE PRANK) Oh, I’m not a total monster, you guys! I kept a blaster for me and about five cartridges each for the three of us, so make ‘em count, alright?
BUDDY: (GENUINE?) Oh, thank god.
SOUND: WHOOSH! WE’RE BACK IN THE CARTE BLANCHE.
VESPA: Uh…
BUDDY: These are brilliant, Rita! When are we getting started?
SOUND: TARP BEING PULLED BACK.
VESPA: (YELP)
JET: Jet in.
VESPA: Could you fucking not?!
JET: No.
Rita, I do not agree with your motivation, but seeing as you are motivated regardless, I find no other choice but to help you in your plans.
RITA: (FIST-PUMP) YES!!!
RITA (NARRATOR):A’course it wasn’t like we weren’t gonna do all that stuff on the way to the Murecother anyway, that’s what makes plan Gamma so special! It was made with equal parts smarts and love, and it all went according to keikaku.
(Translator’s note: Keikaku means plan!) (Thanks, Translator Rita!)
(No problem, Regular Rita!)
It was workin’.
At least, I think it was.
With all this plannin’ in the way, I didn’t really have the time to check in with Mista Ransom and Mista Steel, y’know? And anyway, it’s always, (SIMULTANEOUS; JUNO IMPRESSION:) “Rita, are you sure you can do this?” or (SIMULTANEOUS; NUREYEV IMPRESSION:) “Dear, why isn’t the microwave workin’?”
JUNO (FLASHBACK): (SIMULTANEOUS) Rita, are you sure you can do this?
NUREYEV (FLASHBACK): (SIMULTANEOUS) Dear, why isn’t the microwave working?
RITA (NARRATOR): But it’ll work!
The plan, I mean, not the microwave.
It’ll work, or my name ain’t Rita—
JUNO: (FADING IN) Hey, are you even listening to me?
SOUND: LITTLE TOUCH SCREEN KEYBOARD TAPS.
RITA: (IDLE) Uh-huh?
JUNO: I just asked you if you’re sure you can do this but you just keep saying—
RITA: (IDLE) Yeah.
JUNO: Yeah, exactly. C’mon, what’re you even doing over there?
RITA: Wh— Huh?
SOUND: TYPING STOPS.
Mista Steel! You can’t just look over a lady’s shoulder when she’s textin’! That’s rude!
JUNO: Well, she’s pretty rude to zone out on me when I’m asking her something, I feel like that’s just fair trade.
RITA: I heard ya! I’ll be fine, Boss! Jeez.
JUNO: Hey, this is gonna be the first ever heist we’ve had where you’re the only one in here. So, what, are you just gonna be watching streams while the rest of us are in there?
RITA: No! Boss, why would you even think that?
JUNO: Then, what? You’re not doing anything after we get past those security systems, right?
RITA: Well… (LIGHTBULB!) I’ll just keep Mista Jet company! He won’t be goin’ in after you guys anyway. He’ll be extra lonely with no one to talk to but the Ruby and all those dolls in his backseat.
JUNO: Dolls…? (SHAKES HEAD; HE’S BEGRUDGINGLY CONVINCED, IF AT ALL) Okay, well… Do you have any— never mind. I dunno why I bother asking. Here, have this.
SOUND: PACKET CRINKLING. IT’S A PACK OF WET WIPES.
(BEAT) You fixed the microwave right? I never really go in there, so I dunno if you have.
RITA: (NO) Uh-huh.
JUNO: Rita. What if you need your heat packs? We’re gonna take a while in there and you get really cold—
RITA: Oh my gosh, Mista Steel, just go already! We don’t got another year to go get the Curemother. I’ll be fine.
JUNO: Alright! Sorry for worrying about you.
RITA (NARRATOR): The thing is, we really don’t got another year. Remember what I said about the twists?
Not the lemon part, silly, the plot twists!
It’s ‘cuz… Well, it’s ‘cuz… (DEEP BREATH; FAST:) I might not make it that long because I got heart problems and also because my heart’s got heart problems.
WHEW!
(BARRELING THROUGH) Anyway, we ain’t gotta worry about that for a long time. Maybe. I hope. What we gotta worry about right now is makin’ sure everyone gets ready for the big, grand heist of the millennia.
That includes gettin’ Mista Steel off my back for half a second. And I got just the thing for that.
RITA: (FOND) You’re real cute when you’re worried for me, Boss, but it can get a little annoyin’ sometimes.
JUNO: Annoying? (SCOFF; EMBARRASSED) Whatever. See if I do you any more favors…
RITA: Yeah, yeah, love ya too, Boss.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
(TO HERSELF:) Works like a charm, every time.
NUREYEV: Rita, dear, do you have a moment?
RITA: (TO HERSELF) Hoo, boy. (CORDIAL) Of course, Mista Ransom! What can I do for you?
NUREYEV: Oh, thank you but I didn’t really need anything. It’s just that…
Well, while I was up reviewing our course earlier this morning, I ran the numbers on the research Aurinko was able to compile and… I think it would be best that you steer the ship a little further away once we’re through the digital security locks. Around two or three klicks will be good enough, I think.
RITA: Mmh… Mista Ransom, I can’t do that. The ship’s already at the edge of the signal without gettin’ caught by the external security systems and I need to get those files!
Besides, what if you guys get in trouble—?
NUREYEV: Then we’ll be sure to buy you some time and get out of trouble as safely as we can. Trust us, dear. We’ve done it plenty of times before, I’m sure we’d be able to do it again.
Please?
RITA: (SUSPICIOUS HUM) What’s this really about?
NUREYEV: (SIGH) I hoped you wouldn’t have to ask but…
Rita, dear, we can’t let you within three kilometers of the facility once the EMPs go off. It’ll short-circuit everything: communications, the Ruby, the Carte Blanche—
RITA: Well, ain’t that the reason why we stole all those backup generators and stuff from the Robotics Security Factory? Mista Jet and I even went and made sure nothin’ would short-circuit our stuff from this far away—!
NUREYEV: Well, yes, dear, but what about you?
RITA: What about me?
NUREYEV: I mean, your heart—
RITA: (A LITTLE PANICKED) Oh, it’s fine! Everything’ll go great, Mista Ransom. I already made triple-quadruple sure those numbers from M’tendere’s plans were right. You’re just worryin’ your pretty lil head over nothin’!
(STERN) Now quit hoverin’ and focus on gettin’ that Curemother, alright? We’ve been plannin’ this for years and I ain’t gonna be the reason why we don’t get it today, you hear me?
NUREYEV: (SIGH; THEN, FOND:) Loud and clear, ma’am.
SOUND: THEY HUG.
You’re right, as always. This is a big job, and you’ve been nothing but helpful, Rita. You’d understand why I’m so worried for you, then, considering there’ll be five of us there and only one of you here. We— Well, to be honest, I can’t lose you.
RITA: (SHEEPISH) Aww, Mista Ransom… You might be gettin’ married, but you ain’t gettin’ rid of me that easy. Now, Mista Steel, you gotta keep an eye on. He’s a li’l trickier.
SOUND: JUNO AND VESPA ARGUING IN THE DISTANCE.
NUREYEV: I’m serious, Rita. If you need anything within the next few hours, I’ll be on the line with you for as much as I can be, alright?
In the meantime, I trust that you know which rooms have the most wave-blocking aboard the ship. There’s the medbay, the garage, the helm—
RITA: (TEASING) A’course, Mista Worrywart. Whatever you say.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS. NUREYEV AND RITA APPROACH THE RUBY.
I’ll be a-okay, everyone, promise! You ain’t got nothin’ to worry about on my end.
JET: That would suggest we should be worried about what will be on our end of this mission.
VESPA: (ALMOST TEASING) You nervous, Sikuliaq?
JET: No. I am terrified.
BUDDY: Ah, of course; how could we miss it?
RITA: You’ll all be fine too, Mista Jet. This is what we’ve all been trainin’ for, remember? Did you think those jobs were just for nothin’?
JET: But I thought all those jobs were for Ra— (MUFFLED)
VESPA: Alright, everyone in the car, we don’t have all day.
BUDDY: (GENUINELY SURPRISED) Darling, how did you get up there so fast?
VESPA: Practice.
SOUND: SHE JUMPS OFF RUBY’S HOOD. CAR DOOR OPENING.
Squeeze in, Bud.
BUDDY: Wh— I’m not riding in the back.
JUNO: Quit your yappin’, I already called shotgun this morning.
VESPA & BUDDY: (SOUNDS OF PROTEST)
JET: (ABOVE) That is correct.
JUNO: (ABOVE) Last one in’s riding in the trunk.
SOUND: MULTIPLE CAR DOORS OPENING AND CLOSING IN QUICK SUCCESSION.
RITA (NARRATOR): I’m gonna miss ‘em.
All of ‘em.
I think I’ve thought that just about every moment I’ve spent with them, y’know? And standin’ there, seein’ them pull off into deep space, I’m thinkin’ it again. That might have been my last… everythin’ outta all of them.
But how could I be sad? In the past, longest, maybe even happiest year we’ve had together, I’ve seen them all grow and change so much and I’ve never been prouder.
Miss A trusts us all to know what we’re doin’; Miss Vespa throws herself into helpin’ all of us as much as she can; Mista Jet’s a lot more open and easier to get along with; Mista Ransom too, I never used to hear him call us a family, but now it’s all he ever calls us; and then there’s… (SLOW) Mista Steel.
(BEAT) I’m just glad he’s here. He seems happier with us around, but I can never really tell like I used to.
(GETTING A LITTLE CHOKED UP) Oh, I said I wasn’t gonna get sad. It’s just that every time I remember, it’s so upsettin’! (ON THE BRINK OF BREAKING DOWN) Here I am, on a big adventure with two of my bestest friends, knowin’ it’s gonna end sooner or later with any of us leavin’ at any moment! It makes me so mad! It ain’t fair! The first year in so, so long that we’re all together again, and we’re all already gonna be— (SNIFF) We’re all gonna be—
(DEEP BREATHS. IT TAKES A MOMENT BUT SHE CALMS DOWN)
But that’s why I put in all that work. That’s why I gotta make this the best not-last heist ever. For my family.
For me.
And it’s all gotta start with—
SOUND: COMMS BEEP. FAINT COMPUTER TICKING AND BEEPING. SPACE AMBIENCE.
JUNO (COMMS): This where they keep the Curemother? No wonder no one’s stolen this thing before, I’m pretty sure your guy just gave us dud coordinates, Nureyev.
NUREYEV (COMMS): That’s because it’s behind a cloaking field, love. We won’t be able to see the facility until we pass through the outer barrier.
SOUND: COMMS BEEP.
RITA: Speakin’ of, I’m pretty sure you’re just at the edge of it. I got the Map. You ready, Mista Jet?
JET (COMMS): Yes.
RITA: Okay! Just gimme a sec.
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS. RITA HUMMING TO HERSELF.
NUREYEV (COMMS): The origins of the Map are actually incredibly fascinating. It used to be valued for its accurate cartographical features at the time. Meaning that even around two centuries ago, the Curemother facility was already installed here, despite everything that’s happened.
JUNO (COMMS): I mean, yeah, that’s why it’s pretty much an urban legend.
BUDDY (COMMS): Yes, Captain, but we know it’s real, otherwise we wouldn’t be out to steal it.
VESPA (COMMS): Either way, we’re burning this place down on our way out. Give those Fresh Starts assholes the worst two years in a row they’ve ever had.
JUNO (COMMS): Y’know, I think I’m with Ilkay on this one.
SOUND: MECHANICAL RELEASE. SOFT TECHNOLOGICAL BEEPING.
RITA: Okay… If you line up with the Whirlpool Galaxy and see the ship in your rearview mirror, I am pretty sure that’s the openin’.
Got all that, Mista Jet?
JET (COMMS): Yes.
Ruby, let’s go.
RUBY7 (COMMS): (OKAY)
SOUND: ENGINES START UP, AND THE RUBY 7 BEGINS FLYING FORWARD.
JUNO (COMMS): Okay, so just how sure are we talking with those coordinates, Rita, ‘cuz I’m not so sure I wanna ride shotgun anymore.
VESPA (COMMS): (ENJOYING THIS) What happened to ‘dud coordinates’?
JUNO (COMMS): I’m serious! What if we-
SOUND: RUSH OF AIR.
Whoa.
RITA: What is it, what is it, I wanna see!
NUREYEV (COMMS): Just a moment, dear.
SOUND: FUMBLING. BEEP AS NUREYEV TURNS HIS VIDEO ON.
Juno, could you hold it like— Yes, just point the camera out the window.
RITA: Hold still, Mista Steel, you’re makin’ me sick.
JUNO (COMMS): Can you see it now?
RITA:
Whoa!! Is that all gold?
NUREYEV (COMMS): It would appear to be…
JUNO (COMMS): No wonder they hid this ugly thing. I think I’m getting eye strain from this. Hey, Rita.
RITA: Yeah, Boss?
JUNO (COMMS): The Book’s gonna turn the lights off on us, right?
JET (COMMS): It will, if it’s curious enough to do so.
RITA: Yep!
JUNO (COMMS): Good to know.
RITA (NARRATOR): Now, if you’ve been payin’ attention, you’d have noticed just how many spoons are crackin’ into this cream bru-ha-ha. And if you haven’t, here’s how many:
Mista Ransom and I hatched up this beautiful li’l plan a few years ago, though it was mostly just Mista Ransom askin’ me if the Curemother was real and me hackin’ into all the databases I could find to see if it was. It was real, and we could take it. Like LegendSmashers, but with a Robin Hood twist!
MUSIC: STARTS.
And one of the biggest reasons Mista Ransom and I got along so well is cuz we plan things sorta the same way. Programmin’ and games go hand-in-hand, after all! Run into a problem? Find a way to fix it so you can keep goin’.
So! Objective: the Curemother Prime.
Problem: security systems that need passwords. We don’t got any smart, beautiful, and downright plucky hackers on the field to get those unlocked, and that’d take forever even if we did.
Solution? The Book! Just about the smartest little program in the entire universe, and cute to boot!
MUSIC: FADES.
SOUND: CAR SLOWS TO A STOP.
JET (COMMS): Are you certain you do not need any help, Buddy?
BUDDY (COMMS): Oh no, Mister Sikuliaq, you are not getting out of that driver’s seat no matter how nicely you ask. Isn’t that right, Captain?
JUNO (COMMS): (EYE-ROLL) She’ll be fine, big guy. You know we can’t let you go walking into danger after any of us. Nureyev’s gonna hang me by the neck.
NUREYEV (COMMS): A bit much. A pinch would suffice.
JUNO (COMMS): (GRUMBLED) Still hurts.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (IGNORING HIM) Either way, I’m afraid since you and Vespa are our only getaway drivers, you’re rather exclusive to your role, Jet, and your safety is quite literally paramount. (LEADING) It’s the— (SIMULTANEOUS) first rule of escape.
VESPA, BUDDY, JUNO & JET (COMMS): (DEADPAN) First rule of escape.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (PROUD) Exactly.
JET (COMMS): (HUFF)
JUNO (COMMS): (A LITTLE DEFENSIVE; DIDN’T YOU JUST MAKE FUN OF YOUR FIANCE TOO?) Hey. If you have any complaints, make it out to your car, alright?
RUBY7: (BLOWING A RASPBERRY)
NUREYEV (COMMS): (CONCERNED) Is that… normal?
BUDDY (COMMS): Perfectly. I’m afraid to say that it’s just one of Ruby’s very many features and quirks.
Not to worry though, Jet dearest, I won’t take quite as long as most do in the bathroom every morning.
VESPA (COMMS): Hey, that was one time—
SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING. FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: COMPUTER BEEPS.
(BEAT) Okay, seriously, do you really not need any help with that, Bud?
RITA: It’s all taken care of, Miss Vespa! Miss A won’t even have to do anythin’.
NUREYEV (COMMS): The work you two did with the Book really is impressive.
JET (COMMS): Thank you.
RITA: Aw, it was nothin’, Mista Ransom!
JUNO (COMMS): Uh, what exactly did they do?
VESPA (COMMS): Weren’t you listening during the debrief?
JET (COMMS): (AS IF SCOLDING) Vespa, you know the Captain has no interest in talking about technology of any kind.
VESPA (COMMS): He’s the captain. He should’ve at least looked through Buddy’s notes.
BUDDY (COMMS):
Darling, you were hoarding my notes all morning.
VESPA (COMMS): Rita’s, then. Or the old man’s, if you could read his chicken scratch.
NUREYEV (COMMS): Glass houses, Doctor—
JUNO (COMMS): (DEFENSIVE) None of you have answered my question yet, which really just tells me none of you know either!
NUREYEV (COMMS): It’s alright, love, they were just joking.
VESPA (COMMS): No, I wasn’t.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (IGNORING HER) Seeing as the Book learns at a rate faster than most programs, storing it in more modern drives would only lead to it escaping. It’s one of the many reasons it was stored in a rather primitive server farm with its own robust physical security system.
Rita and Jet put it inside something it cannot escape. In this case, something just as primitive: a drive so old, it would need to be plugged in.
JUNO (COMMS): But most computers don’t have ports anymore.
NUREYEV (COMMS): Exactly.
RITA (NARRATOR): Uh-huh! See, if this were any ordinary heist, some poor hacker would have to be pinned to that console try’na copy all that data down while the Book plays around the facility’s systems.
But! This ain’t your bargain store bank robbery. No, Mista Jet and I went and tinkered with that ancient little drive, between all the missions for plan Gamma, and made a program based on the Rita 3.75: Sponge!
Now, on top of holdin’ the Book, it’s automated to do everythin’ so that all any thief would have to do was put it down on a comms scanner and the Book would make all those li’l passwords it needed to open the doors, while the information it was sortin’ through was encrypted and patched through to the Carte Blanche!
I call it the Rita 4.0: the Spy!
JUNO (COMMS): Huh. Yeah, that is pretty impressive.
JET (COMMS): (SIMULTANEOUS) Thank you, Captain.
RITA: (SIMULTANEOUS) You’re too nice, really, Boss!
JUNO (COMMS): Buuut why didn’t we just try that open door over there?
BUDDY, VESPA, NUREYEV, & JET (COMMS): It’s a trap.
RITA: That’s to make sure anyone comin’ in without unlockin’ those big locks would get blown to bits!
JUNO (COMMS): (A LITTLE ALARMED) Okay. Cool.
SOUND: MUFFLED SOUND OF THREE GIANT LOCKS UNLOCKING.
BUDDY (COMMS): We’re good to go, darlings. I’d say something to raise our spirits as we drive into about a fourth of the apocalypse, but I’m afraid our doctor would have something to say about ‘jinxing’ it.
VESPA (COMMS): We need all the luck we can get for that damn Lockbox. Knowing M’tendere, that thing’s set to kill us the moment it detects us.
BUDDY (COMMS): I wouldn’t expect otherwise. Rita, should I bring the drive with me?
RITA: Leave it there, please!
BUDDY (COMMS): Roger that.
SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.
SOUND: LIGHTS FLICKERING.
JUNO (COMMS): Finally! I was about to go permanently blind.
NUREYEV (COMMS): You could have just closed your eyes, Juno.
JUNO (COMMS): Not a cha—
SOUND: MUFFLED RUSH OF WIND AS THE RUBY GOES FAST.
SOUND: COMPUTER BEEPS IN THE BACKGROUND.
AAAAAA!
RITA: (TO HERSELF) Oh, jeez. Been a long time since I’ve had to do this.
SOUND: VOLUME ON CALL IS LOWERED.
SOUND: PAPERS RUSTLING.
(MUMBLING) Wonder how long it’ll take for Mista Steel to grow outta yellin’ so much, it’s gotta be bad for his throat or somethin’.
VESPA (COMMS): What the hell!
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLACKING. RITA HUMMING.
JET (COMMS): (ABOVE) (NOT AT ALL SORRY) I would like to apologize for not telling anyone beforehand, but since Ruby's recent self-repairs—
SOUND: AN AUDIBLE CLATTER FROM THE CALL.
JUNO (COMMS): It’s what?!
JET (COMMS): Its self-repairs, Captain! Ruby's speed has increased since the crashes it recovered from. I thought it was a good thing, considering we do not know just how robust the motion sensors on the Lockbox are.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (STRAINED) That’s quite thoughtful of you, Jet.
VESPA (COMMS): Thoughtful would be giving us a fucking warning next time!
JET (COMMS): (HE WILL NOT) I will take it into consideration.
SOUND: THE VOLUME ON THE CALL IS TURNED UP.
RITA: (NOT REALLY LISTENING FOR AN ANSWER) What’s goin’ on? How fast are youse goin’?
NUREYEV (COMMS): (MUFFLED; SCOLDING) Oh, Juno, you dropped my comms!
JUNO (COMMS): (MUFFLED) AAAAA!
SOUND: SHUFFLING.
NUREYEV (COMMS): See, I told you to just close your eyes— Let go, Juno, I need to get my—
SOUND: FUMBLING.
Ah-ha!
RITA: Oh! Hey, Mista Ransom!
NUREYEV (COMMS): (HUFF) Hello, dear.
BUDDY (COMMS): (SIMULTANEOUS) Hello, Rita.
VESPA (COMMS): (SIMULTANEOUS) Hey, c’mon, don’t push!
RITA: (FOND) Hiya, Miss A!
JET (COMMS): Captain, please do not grab onto my arm while I am changing gears.
VESPA (COMMS): Yeah, hands to yourself, lady!
JUNO (COMMS): Then slow the hell down, you’re gonna get us killed!
JET (COMMS): If I slow down, our chances of getting killed become higher, Captain.
JUNO (COMMS): Then, can we head back for a sec? I want off this car.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (ANNOYED) Juno, now is not the time for this—
JUNO (COMMS):
Fine, then! Once the big guy lands, one of you switch places with me. I want off shotgun at least.
BUDDY (COMMS): (HOPEFUL) Ah, perhaps I—
NUREYEV (COMMS): I’m older than you, I’m calling shotgun.
VESPA (COMMS): (CACKLE) The one time you own up to it and it’s—
SOUND: MUFFLED ALARM BLARING.
JET (COMMS): The first dome has detected us.
RITA (NARRATOR): Now, here’s part two of our lil adventure. (BEAT) What? This game ain’t over yet! We still got a ways to go!
So! The security system problem’s been solved. Onto the next one!
MUSIC: STARTS.
Problem: The Lockbox! Designed and constructed by the late M’tendere, rumor had it that the Solar Government asked them to make it. It’s one of the most mysterious and robust weapons in the whole galaxy ‘cuz no one had the plans for it anywhere! (SHE’S TOTALLY FANGIRLING) If it weren’t so dangerous for us, I’d say it’s just awesome. Four ginormous motion-sensin’ domes that would send out heat-seekin’ drones and waves of EMPs strong enough to short-circuit any car or small ship!
Solution? Is there even one for this?!
OF COURSE, THERE IS!!! Because just as soon as we started workin’ on The Spy, Miss A found the Key to the Lockbox. But this Key doesn’t open the Lockbox, it DESTROYS IT!!
Buuuuut, we didn’t know which dome to use it on, since three out of four of ‘em are fake! It’s somethin’ straight outta Jupiter Jones, I swear, somehow both old and new at the same time that you wouldn’t even begin to imagine how you’d figure out how to break it!
But that problem also has its own solution! The Blade! It doesn’t look like much, but it can pack a punch through any digital system, AND! It comes with its own built-in remote scanner! Ain’t that neat?
MUSIC: FADES.
SOUND: MUFFLED SOUNDS OF BLASTERS SHOOTING PAST THEM.
JET (COMMS): We have a short window of time to switch seats. I am landing the car. (UNDER) Vespa.
VESPA (COMMS): (UNDER) Got it. Bud, scoot over.
JUNO (COMMS): (ABOVE; HUFF LIKE HE’S TRYING NOT TO THROW UP) Nureyev…
NUREYEV (COMMS): (ABOVE; SIGH) Really, Juno—
SOUND: THE RUBY SLOWS DOWN TO A STOP. SEATBELTS BEING UNBUCKLED.
SOUND: CAR DOORS OPENING. CLOTHES RUSTLING. THE SOUND OF DISTANT BLASTERS GET A LITTLE CLEARER.
SOUND: CAR DOORS CLOSING. SEATBELTS BUCKLING.
BUDDY (COMMS): I’d rate that swap about a nine. The Captain tripped out of his seat.
JUNO (COMMS): Shut up, Aurinko.
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPING.
NUREYEV (COMMS): Well, Jet?
JET (COMMS): This might take a while.
VESPA (COMMS): What? Why?
JET (COMMS): The Blade seems to be picking up information from the drones. Sorting through these will be—
SOUND: MUFFLED EXPLOSION. THEN, MULTIPLE CRASHES. HOLOGRAM FLICKERING.
RITA: (ABOVE THE STATIC) Oh, darn it!
SOUND: FURIOUS KEYBOARD CLACKING.
JUNO (COMMS): (BREAKING UP) That’s… Did … EMP … those drones?
VESPA (COMMS): (BREAKING UP) … Drive … yet.
JET (COMMS): (BREAKING UP) That … circuited the Blade. … Fix it. In the meantime—
BUDDY (COMMS): (BREAKING UP) Rita, … tell which dome needs … the plans?
SOUND: COMMS BEEP.
SOUND: MUFFLED, DOMES BOOTING BACK UP.
SOUND: ENGINE IGNITION FAILING.
RITA: Sorry, guys! Had to restart Mista Ransom’s comms for a bit.
SOUND: ENGINE IGNITION FAILING.
JUNO (COMMS): Uh, Rita, we need it, stat. I’m pretty sure it’s powering back up, and I don’t think we can run evasive maneuvers with the Ruby dead too.
RITA: Huh? Need what?
RUBY7: (ANNOYED WHISTLE)
VESPA (COMMS): The hell? I haven’t even—
NUREYEV (COMMS): Dear? The schematics, please, quickly.
RITA: Oh! Um! Hold on!
SOUND: PAPERS RUSTLING.
RITA (NARRATOR): Oh, you’d think after years of plannin’ we’d have made this foolproof but…
RITA: Gotcha! Let’s see here. I’m lookin’ for what, now?
SOUND: PAGES TURNING.
SOUND: DISTANT AND MUFFLED BLASTER FIRE.
JUNO (COMMS): Which dome, Rita, we need to know which dome needs the Key.
RITA: Okay!
(PANICKED, MUMBLING) So, the Blade’s not workin’. We can get through this! Well, if they’re comin’ in from the left, it’d look like this, so, uh. Eenie, meanie…
FRONT-RIGHT!
JUNO (COMMS): (PANICKED) Are you sure?
RITA: ‘Course I’m sure!! I did my L’s and everythin’!! If you came in from the left, the dome with the big red circle-thingy painted behind it has the failsafe feature, that’s what the notes say!
VESPA (COMMS): Big red— How the hell are we supposed to see that when it’s pitch fucking black in here?
SOUND: HEADLIGHTS CLICKING ON. ENGINE IGNITION.
BUDDY (COMMS): (CONFUSED) But… just now, the Ruby couldn’t even—
JUNO (COMMS): Who cares? Just drive!
VESPA (COMMS): On it.
SOUND: ENGINE ROARS. THEY SPEED ACROSS THE ROOM.
SOUND: MUFFLED BUZZING.
JUNO (COMMS): Drones are still onto us.
VESPA (COMMS): Yeah, I got that, Captain Obvious! Wanna help?
JUNO (COMMS): (NONCHALANT) I am!
SOUND: WINDOW ROLLING DOWN. BLASTER FIRE. EXPLOSIONS.
(AFTER A WHILE) What’s with the hold up on that dome, Ilkay.
VESPA (COMMS): I’m trying to find a place to land, but these fucking mosquitoes are everywhere!
BUDDY (COMMS): What sort of mosquitoes have you seen, darling. These are about as big as dogs and twice as nasty.
JET (COMMS): Vespa has told me about that before. It is because Rangian mosquitoes are—
SOUND: THUNK. GRUNTS OF IMPACT.
JUNO (COMMS): Would you quit running them over!
VESPA (COMMS): I’m trying!
Sorry about the paint job, Sikuliaq. I—
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPING.
Anyone see a red circle on the dome somewhere on this thing? I’m not seeing one.
JET (COMMS): That is because we are at the wrong dome. Stop the car.
SOUND: RUBY COMES TO AN ABRUPT HALT. DRONES BUZZ BY THE OPEN WINDOW.
JUNO (COMMS): (YELP)
NUREYEV (COMMS): Juno!
JUNO (COMMS): I’m alright! Nice catch, Aurinko.
BUDDY (COMMS): (STRAINED) Captain, please just get your big behind inside the vehicle.
RITA: (ABOVE) Why? What happened?
JUNO (COMMS): (UNDER) I’m fine—!
JET (COMMS): I’ve fixed the Blade, Rita. It says our target should be that dome over there.
RITA (NARRATOR): (PANICKING; FAST) Oh gosh, I almost just got them killed!
NUREYEV (COMMS): (MUFFLED) Rita.
RITA (NARRATOR): (HONESTLY JUST BREAKING DOWN) I went through all that trouble plannin’ the heist to get this new sonar device and everythin’ just so they wouldn’t have to risk their lives try’na use the Key on the Lockbox while the drones were after ‘em, and it honestly wouldn’t even have been a problem if they did have to deal with those darn drones, they have two sharpshooters on the team—
NUREYEV (COMMS): (MUFFLED) Rita?
RITA (NARRATOR): — but what use even was it if we didn’t even know which dome to use it on and I ALMOST GOT THEM KILLED—
JUNO (COMMS): (LOUD AND CLEAR) Rita, what the hell are you doing?
RITA: Wh- Huh?
NUREYEV (COMMS): Oh, thank the stars.
JUNO (COMMS): I just shot that thing at the dome, play the Key before the EMP takes Nureyev’s comms out again.
RITA: R-right on it, Boss!
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLACKING.
Playin’ the Key in three… two… one…
SOUND: AUTOMATED CHORDS TO THE KEY.
VESPA (COMMS): Did it work?
JET (COMMS): The drones seem to have slowed down.
NUREYEV (COMMS): It worked. The first implosion should be due any moment now.
VESPA (COMMS): Okay. Parking us over by the door before the damn thing goes off.
JUNO (COMMS): Good thinking.
RITA: Oh my gosh, you guys, I’m so, so, so sorry about sendin’ you to the wrong dome.
VESPA (COMMS): You’re alright, I probably just got us turned around. Like I said, it’s pitch black in here.
RITA: (GLUM) It’s okay, Miss Vespa, you don’t gotta lie about it.
NUREYEV (COMMS): It’s fine, dear, really. What matters is that things went according to plan. And still are, despite the brief detour.
(BEAT) I don’t know if you caught it, but Juno almost fell out of the car.
JUNO (COMMS): (SARCASTIC) Oh, sure, throw me under the bus to make her feel better.
NUREYEV (COMMS): Oh, don’t be so sensitive, Juno.
JUNO (COMMS): I almost fell out of a car!
SOUND: CHAIR CREAKING AS SHE TURNS THIS WAY AND THAT ON HER COMPUTER CHAIR.
RITA: (STILL GLUM) Well, I’ll be lookin’ through all the stuff I got from the Spy. Call me when you need me, Mista Ransom.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (BEAT) Rita. Are you—?
SOUND: COMMS BEEP.
RITA (NARRATOR): Well! That was my half of the mission done, right there! Seemed pretty easy, huh? But, believe it or not, we scrambled so many eggs try’na make this cream bru-ha-ha about as perfect as we could. Miss A even broke a leg!
And because of those scrambled eggs— a few of ‘em we even just dropped— everythin’ was goin’ accordin’ to plan, just like Mista Ransom said! My family was about as safe as they could be on any normal day. I mean, you heard ‘em, right? Laughin’ and jokin’ around like it’s just any same ol’ heist they’ve been on in the last year.
And, y’know what? They earned easy.
SOUND: TEXT SCROLLING THROUGH.
RITA: (SIGH) (TO HERSELF) Alright. Lemme get a look at you.
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLACKING.
Oh, these files are old! Where’s that converter…?
Maintenance reports… Boring.
Cybersecurity system updates…
Sanitation reports? Oh, ew!
SOUND: SCREENSHOT NOISE.
Physical security installation… Musta been the Lockbox.
More physical security installations? Where?
SOUND: COMMS BEEPS TWICE.
(SLOW; DEEP BREATH)
SOUND: COMMS BEEP.
Good afternoon, this is Rrrrita of the Carte Blanche! What can I do for you?
NUREYEV (COMMS): Hello, dear. We’re about to head in. Just called to inform you that Jet will be by the door making sure to monitor the situation for us, as we discussed.
SOUND: COMMS BEEP.
JET (COMMS): (A LOT CLEARER NOW) Hello. This is Jet Sikuliaq. As the Lockbox has received the Key, incoming explosions are imminent.
RITA: (SHE FORGOT AND NOW SHE’S PANICKING) Oh! Um, okay!
RITA (NARRATOR): Right, almost totally forgot about this part, didn’t’cha?
See, when I said we ain’t gotta worry about those heart problems I mentioned a while back, I really just meant you guys.
It’s a normal part of gettin’ to be as old as I am. You get real used to stuff like havin’ to swallow more than a few pills after breakfast, and fallin’ asleep while watchin’ your favorite streams, and gettin’ real chatty when charmin’ little guys like Mista Jet ask you about the good ol’ days, and gettin’ scared of real powerful EMPs that’ll end up short-circuitin’ your pacemaker.
That kinda thing.
VESPA (COMMS): Really making a career out of announcing those explosions, huh, Sikuliaq?
JET (COMMS): Yes. I have always wanted to be a news anchor.
BUDDY (COMMS): (WRY) Really.
JET (COMMS): No.
JUNO (COMMS): Alright, kids, break it up. You’ll see the big guy again when we’re done here.
VESPA (COMMS): We’re not kids—
SOUND: A BIG EXPLOSION THROUGH COMMS.
RITA (NARRATOR): Oh! There it was!
I squeezed my eyes shut, waited and, (PANIC TANGENT) honestly when people say their life flashes before their eyes, I dunno if it’s because they’re really young or because I was just that special, y’know? ‘Cuz instead of a fast forward slideshow of all the happy moments with my family, with an added scene where I realize it was all worth it all along, all I could see and hear was the pacemaker where my heart oughta be, like I was waitin’ for thunder after the lightnin’ show and I was countin’ those skipped heartbeats in-between.
SOUND: HEART MONITOR, CONTINUING TO THE END.
SOUND: MUFFLED SOUND OF RUMBLING.
JUNO (COMMS): Everyone, inside!
JET (COMMS): But, Captain—
JUNO (COMMS): NOW!
SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS. DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.
SOUND: SONIC BOOM. THE DOOR RATTLES FOR A LONG TIME.
SOUND: THINGS ON RITA’S DESK RATTLE.
RITA: (GASPING AND CHOKING)
SOUND: HEARTBEAT MONITOR SPEEDS UP AND BECOMES IRREGULAR.
SOUND: COMMS BEEP. THE COMMS CALL SOUNDS DISTORTED.
NUREYEV (COMMS): — And I have to do that for every wave?
JET (COMMS): Yes, but only if it short-circuits again. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to see to the Ruby’s engine.
JUNO (COMMS): Hey, thanks again, big guy.
VESPA (COMMS): (UNDER) (DISTANT) Stay safe out there, alright, Sikuliaq?
BUDDY (COMMS): (UNDER) We’ll make sure to get you a souvenir, Jet darling!
JET (COMMS): (UNDER) Thank you, Buddy. You as well, Vespa.
JUNO (COMMS): (ABOVE) (GENTLE) Nureyev, we need to get moving.
NUREYEV (COMMS): (DEEP BREATH) Yes. Yes, I know.
JUNO (COMMS): You good?
NUREYEV (COMMS): Just worried. You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you, love.
(SIGH) Rita, dear, I know I ran the numbers this morning, and they seem to be correct, all things considered. But I still want to check in with you.
SOUND: FLATLINE.
NUREYEV (COMMS): Rita?