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Genya had never thought that one day, she'd fall in love so hard that her heart felt like it would burst any second she was around them. She didn't expect to fall in love, especially not with you, Alina's childhood friend who was also a Grisha.
Once upon a time, she would have done anything for love. Especially be honest. Seeing you and Alina growing close again made her think that she should have told you about the Darkling, knowing that he wasn't a good person like he pretended to be, but she knew you'd warn Alina, and the Darkling would punish you for that.
She was completely enchanted by you, by your little stories of your life before Little Palace at the orphanage, your smile, your laugh. And she'd cherish the memory of your first kiss forever. She felt so proud and had never been as happy as when she held your hand as you walked through the hallways, or when you laid on your bed on late nights, just chatting and cuddling, entwined to each other, you placing little kisses on the top of her head.
But the moment she left your room, she always felt empty, disgusting. You'd eventually find out about her betrayal, and you'd be furious. She'd lose you. But she'd also lose you if she told you the truth. Maybe it was selfish, but Alina was their last chance to destroy the Fold, even if the Darkling would use questionable ways to achieve it.
She looked into the mirror in her bedchamber, and didn't recognize the woman who stared back at her. Why was her reflection someone she didn't know? She was a soldier. She had to be true to her leader.
But if it meant betraying your love... she didn't know if she could be a loyal soldier anymore.