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He never meant it like that. Sure, he said it, but he didn't really mean it. Because, you don't mean it when you tell someone to go and kill yourselves. There is no way that you mean it, even if you're an asshole like him.
Like Katsuki Bakugo. The boy responsible for the death of his childhood friend. The one who was supposed to protect the younger boy, but never did. The boy who bullied him, even though he knew it was wrong.
But he didn't want the green haired nerd to become a hero. He was quirkless. It would be dangerous for him. He didn't want his childhood friend get hurt, and yet there he is.
Dressed in a black suit, that fit him very well. An umbrella in hand, because it was raining really hard. His eyes were stinking with tears treathening to spill out soon. His throat became tight and sore, when he fought the need to cry.
And the guilt nagging him. Nibbling at his brain, until it was the only thing he could think of. Because, he was the reason they all were here today.
It wasn't much people. Just him, his parents and auntie Inko.
She looked devastating. He usually bright face was all soggy from the salted tears. Her eyes were puffy and red, along with the rest of her face. She wore a long black dress, Katsuki never saw her wear before. She held onto her umbrella for dear life. She looked so small right now.
Katsuki felt guilty all over again. He shifted his attention to his parents.
His mother was holding a tissue to her face as she softly sobbed into it. Her eyes were wet, tears dancing on her pupils, wanting to be let out. Her clothing was similar to Inko's. She was leaning against her husband, his father. Katsuki never saw them so calm together.
His father... He was dressed in a black suit, just like Katsuki. Holding the umbrella for him and his wife. He looked at Inko sympathetically, dragging his hand over his wife's shoulders.
They, in sync, moved closer towards violently sobbing Inko. Mitsuki offered a hug, which was accepted, and Masaru invited himself to the hug.
Katsuki felt guilty again. It was his fault that they were all here. It was fault that they were at the funeral of his childhood friend, Izuku Midoriya, whom ended his life so soon.
Maybe if Katsuki wouldn't have told him to jump off of the roof, maybe the nerd wouldn't. Maybe he still would be alive, making his mother worried and bothering Bakugo.
But Katsuki wasn't so sure if it was really bothering him. Sure, it did piss him of. And he geniously thought that Izuku was looking down on him, but Bakugo did care about the nerd. Deep down, he always had cared. Even if he didn't show it.
He wasn't bothered by the fact that Izuku was always following him. No, that didn't bother him. Instead, it made him relieved. He was glad that he always had a person he could turn to, if things went bad. Someone so loyal as Izuku. Someone who wouldn't leave him by his own even if the world was ending. Someone who was always there. Until he wasn't.
Until Katsuki was on his own. All alone. There was no more green haired boy, running behind him like a lost puppy. There were no more big green eyes, pleading him to hang out, even if he never did. There were no more Izuku, being the stalker he was, writing down everything about heroes. There were no more Kacchan.
And it was all Katsuki's fault. He played with fire, until he got burn. He pushed and pushed, until he broke the boy. And the sudden death of the greenete broke him.
Bacause, you don't expect your mom to come to your room on a nice Wednesday, tears streaming down her cheeks as she told s you that your childhood friend, the boy you knew since you were in diapers, committed suicide by jumping of the school rooftop after everyone left the school.
You just don't expect that. It hurts. It sinks deep into your heart, forcing you to think about all the good times you had together. And it hurts even more when you realize, that it's your fault. That you were the cause of someone dying.
And Katsuki didn't know what to do. He ignored his 'friends' in the school. Not really in the mood to talk to them. And he wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk to them at all.
He was like a body without a soul. Like black without the white. Like jing without the yang. Like sun without it's moon. He was like an empty shell, without a purpose. For the first time in his life, he felt just sad and numb. He was awfully quiet. He barely talked. He was simply just drowning in the guilt of forcing a person end their life and the fear of what will happen when his parents- let alone Inko- will find out that he is the reason Izuku jumped. He was like a walking corpse until Saturday.
The day of the funeral. Katsuki felt sick that day. Knowing that he will have to face Inko. The mother, whose child had he taken life.
He knew that the nerd didn't have that much friends, but it still did surprise him when the only ones who showed up at the funeral were his parents, him and Inko. He felt even worse.
He felt like he would puke through the whole ceremony. He was so sick. He felt sick when he heard himself speak. Saying his last goodbyes to the boy in the coffin.
He let his tears fall, apologizing to the young life he had ruined. Apologizing for everything while crying. He believed that only weak people cry, but he knew that he wasn't strong. And he knew that he wasn't a hero.
Bacause, heroes help people. They don't bully them. Heroes don't tell people to die. Heroes aren't the reason why a fourteen years old boy should commit a suicide.
He closed his eyes, apologizing once again to the now forever asleep boy. He then stepped back to watch his childhood friend to be closed in the coffin, getting placed into the hole that was dug out for the young life.
He was so emerged into his thoughts and his guilt that he failed to see Inko, whom was approaching him with a small piece of paper in her hand.
He haven't even realized that it stopped raining. Inko made it to him, she smiled at him sadly, and he tried to smile back, but he couldn't. He just closed his eyes, pushing the tears out onto his cheeks. When he opened them again, Inko was holding a paper out for him to take.
Before he had a chance to ask about it, she simply smiled. "It was on his table, it haves your name on it, I..." She paused, sobbing. "I believe it was for you."
He took the small paper. Carefully opening it, he began to read the letter.
Dear Kacchan,
By the time you are reading this, I must be dead. I am sorry for all the trouble I caused you, and I wish you just the best luck for the rest of your life. There is something I always wanted to tell you, but I never got the chance. So, I just wanted to say, I love you. I always did. This is my goodbye Kacchan, maybe we can meet again in another life.
Yours, Izuku.
Katsuki was speechless. He could just stare at he words and cry.