Chapter Text
Although he had spent the past decade organizing every second of his life to allow this very moment to be possible, Adam didn’t quite know what to do when he got to Georgetown. He knew two days before, he had memorized the map and the different tour guides’ names and a small list of questions for each location so he wouldn’t forget anything, but right now all he could think about was keeping his eyes open despite the sunlight making it nearly impossible. He grit his teeth as the turn towards a residential hall managed to make his head hurt more.
Lately, his head had been hurting all the time, although he’d be stupid not to recognize the effects of sleep deprivation when he had been feeling them for years and years, and so he just squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then kept walking.
The girl that had been walking besides him sent him a look for what felt like the hundredth time. He knew she’d introduced herself when the tour first started, but her name was amongst the things his headache seemed to have erased from his mind.
“Are you okay?” Amy? Audrey? Abby?
Adam gave an affirmative grunt.
“I could get you some water,” Ally? Ashley? Ari?
He went to shake his head in response, but that just worsened his headache.
“Fuck,” He said, just under his breath, or at least he thought he did until he felt multiple pairs of eyes on him.
“Headache,” Adam replied to the unsaid question, “Sorry.”
“The heat’s pretty bad right now,” Said the tour guide, and God Adam really should know his name, “But luckily for you, we’re going into the store next, we have air conditioning there and it’s where we’ll stop to eat. Hopefully that’ll make you feel better. If not, medical is right there.”
This is where Adam would have replied something about how medical attention would not be necessary if it didn’t feel like talking would get him to throw up.
“Annie, why don’t you stick by Adam, make sure he doesn’t collapse or anything,” Annie!
It took a second for Adam to register the rest of that statement after the girl’s name, but when it did he felt his cheeks heat up. He didn’t need a babysitter, good fucking lord, he just needed to sit down for five seconds and close his eyes, and then he’d be fine like he always was. If only he could get his mouth to work and say that.
By the time he was sitting on a bench near the campus store, cool air hitting his face, he felt marginally better, although Annie talking his ear off besides him wasn’t exactly helping that margin grow. There was a plate of chicken in front of her without a single bite taken out of it.
“—but then I thought, Forensic Science is so much cooler, right? And a lot more useful, plus my dad wouldn’t make faces at me on Christmas like he would if I actually went to film school,” Annie took a deep breath, “Anyways, what about you?”
It took a second for Adam to process that he was being talked to instead of talked at now, “Hm?”
“What do you want to do?” She clarified, “I assume you wanna study here, but what are you studying?”
“Environmental Biology,” He replied, “Or Law, I suppose. Wouldn’t study Law here, though.”
“Where would you study law?” Annie extended her finally bitten into chicken towards him as she said this, “You want some, by the way?”
Adam scrunched up his nose, “I can go get my own.”
“Sure, you didn’t answer about law school, though.”
He was already mostly off of his seat when she said this, “Huh?”
Then, nothing.
The lights were still too bright for his eyes when he finally opened them again.
He went to get up on his forearms, but the muscles felt sore and he couldn’t quite tell where he was.
“Ooh, hey, just lie back for a second.”
Adam frowned at the voice, unable to identify it.
“You know, you’re supposed to wear these little metal bracelets to let people know you’re epileptic,” Came a different voice, “My brother has epilepsy and he never takes it off, not even to shower.”
He sat up, “What?”
Annie looked back at him with a sheepish expression, “You’re probably disoriented as hell right now, don’t feel the need to respond.”
“No…” He blinked a couple of times, then, “what are you…”
The tour guide, the first voice Adam now realized, looked at him with concern, then turned to Annie.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t call an ambulance?” He asked.
“Nope,” She replied, “You don’t have to call 9-1-1 for seizures unless they last longer than five minutes or…”
“Seizures?”
“…or it’s the first one,” Regret painted over her face, “Shit, are you not epileptic?”
Adam looked between the two of them, and said for what felt like the millionth time, “What?”
“ Shit ,” She repeated, then took her phone out of her pocket.
“Wait, stop,” Adam said as soon as he realized what was about to happen, “ Don’t . No ambulance.”
Annie gave him a doubtful look, “So you are epileptic?”
Adam nodded and winced with both the movement and the lie, “I just need a minute.”
Weeks later he sat in a cold, cold chair in front of a doctor with a button nose and crystal blue eyes. She pointed towards the mass in the picture of his brain.
“It’s hard to tell with brain tumors,” Doctor Lopez said, “They can be really small and cause a lot of issues because of their position, or be really big and be almost invisible as far as symptoms go. Similarly, very much benign tumors can cause a lot of symptoms and still be benign.”
Adam knew this, of course. He’d spent hours upon hours inside the library, reading every book he could find about neurology as soon as he realized this was even a possibility.
“But what do you think?” He asked. He knew what he thought, he just wanted to hear her say it.
She didn’t give it to him, instead just pursing her lips, “Look, you’re a smart kid. You know what the possibilities are, but I don’t really want to tell you you have something or other without the proper procedure. It’s a tumor, for sure, but again, you already knew that.”
He nodded a little, and she took this as a sign to continue speaking.
“Listen, Adam, I know you’re emancipated and I’m not saying you should have contact with anyone you don’t want to, but are you sure there’s nobody that can accompany you for this?” She asked, then after a pause, “You really shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“I can handle it, doctor,” He replied, leaning a bit more into his accent than he usually would, “I’ll be alright.”
He almost sounded like he believed it.
“Glioblastoma,” Doctor Lopez looked at him and let out a long breath, “That means—”
“I know what it means,” Adam interrupted, “Grade 4 brain tumor. Brain cancer, the most aggressive type. So, what are my options?”
She nodded at him gravely, something akin to pity in her eyes, and he had to bite his tongue to not say anything about it. He couldn't quite stop the scowl, though. He knew what she was thinking, had seen the look written all over countless people’s faces when they couldn’t quite figure out how to tell him his life was pretty unsurvivable. As if he didn’t know that. As if he hadn’t been pushing against the current long enough that it didn’t matter how hard it pushed back against him, he would keep swimming.
“We can fight this through radiation therapy, chemo,” She finally said, “we removed a big chunk of the tumor during the surgery, but the latest scan made it pretty clear that it’s quickly regrowing, so we’d have to start right away to target the parts of the tumor left and try to shrink them. We will fight this.”
“How are my chances?” Adam said in response despite knowing the answer.
“You’ve done your research,” Replied the doctor, “You know they’re not… Glioblastoma isn’t something a lot of people make the five year mark for. But Adam, it’s not impossible, okay?”
She was right, of course, even if she believed it less than Adam did. Adam had read about people who had survived decades after being diagnosed with glioblastoma, people who had been able to live their normal lives until it was a normal age to die. He also knew that those people had had smaller tumors than his, better insurances than his. He knew his odds had never been good, he knew he’d have to work twice as hard to keep his head above the water. Business as usual.
It took only three months for it to be clear chemo wasn’t doing anything to stop the spread of his tumor. Another two months before anyone had the guts to really put words to what it meant.
Terminal .
We have options, the doctor had said, ways to make this as easy as possible.
She mentioned new experimental treatments, but it was clear from the look on her face that she thought the hospice she had handed him a brochure for was the better option.
Just take a look at it, she had said. So, he did.
Aglionby Hospice , the brochure read, where teenagers get to pass on on their own terms .
Aglionby Hospice , the article he found read, where one Roger Malory, terminal brain cancer patient, went to pass and came out cured.
Adam figured it wasn’t such a bad place to go.