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Jimmy sighed, brushing his fingers through Tango's hair as he slept.
After the incident with him breaking his hand and apologizing for being a terrible partner, he'd ended up crying himself to sleep in Jimmy's arms.
Jimmy had carried him back to the house and tucked him into the bed. Even though it was the middle of the day and it might mess up Tango's sleep schedule a bit, he didn't wake him up. He deserved a nap after that.
Tango mumbled something in his sleep, flipping to his other side, ending up with his face pressed into the side of Jimmy's leg. Jimmy leaned forward to shove a pillow behind his back. He was sitting, leaning against the headboard.
He didn't lie down because he didn't want to end up falling asleep as well. He wanted to sort out his thoughts, process what just happened, and figure out how he was going to talk to Tango about it once the other woke up.
Jimmy had finished up all of his things quicker than normal, and he'd been excited to see Tango again a few hours earlier than he'd expected, but obviously he hadn't expected to find the other man the way that he did.
Based on what Tango had said, Jimmy suspected that maybe the issue was deeper than just him feeling bad about hurting Jimmy. It didn't make a ton of sense to him that Tango would spiral that quickly and that deeply if thoughts like those weren't a frequent occurrence, though of course he couldn't know that for sure without asking Tango.
What he wasn't sure about was if him hurting himself was new. Punching a wall until your hand breaks isn’t the typical thing that comes to mind when thinking about self-harm, but it definitely can be self-harm.
He couldn't shake the image of Tango turning around after bumping into him, revealing his ripped-up, blood-covered hands, and the distant look in his eyes.
He didn't think he'd ever be able to shake that image, actually. Definitely not anytime soon, at least.
He hated seeing him hurt like that.
----------
Tango groaned, turning onto his stomach and burying his face into the pillow. It’d been a few hours since he’d fallen asleep, and it seemed he was finally waking up.
“Hey Tango,” Jimmy said softly, ruffling his hair.
Tango responded with an unintelligible grumble, shoving his head under the pillow, and Jimmy laughed.
“Well don't grumble at me, you goof. I didn't wake you up, you did that all on your own.”
Tango just groaned, and Jimmy rested his hand on the back of his shoulder, meaning he felt it when suddenly Tango froze, tensing up.
“Oh. Oh.”
He flipped over and sat up, getting tangled up in the sheets, a panicked look on his face.
“Hey, hey, you're okay,” Jimmy said. Tango had bolted upright, remembering what had happened before he'd fallen asleep, and Jimmy moved to sit in front of him on the bed.
“It's okay, Tango.” He took Tango's face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together looking into his eyes. “Everything's okay.”
“I- I don't- you-” Tango had no idea what to even say.
“Just give yourself a minute to wake up. Everything's okay, I'm good, you're good.”
Tango's mind was somehow simultaneously blank and also full of an incomprehensible amount of thoughts. He couldn't think right.
“Tango?”
He didn't say anything, just pulling his face away from Jimmy so that he could instead fall forward onto him. Immediately, he found himself being wrapped up in a tight hug.
Neither of them said anything for a bit. Jimmy didn't want to overwhelm him, and Tango was busy trying to breathe and get his heart to slow down. He'd really panicked when he'd woken up.
“What- what happened?” Tango asked, hesitantly. The last thing he remembered was sobbing in Jimmy's arms in the stable, and then nothing.
“You fell asleep, cried yourself out, I think. You should drink some water whenever you're ready to pull away.”
Jimmy knew him well, knew that he wouldn't want to move for a bit. Both of them were definitely big huggers and honestly would probably be fine not moving for a few hours.
It took a while, but eventually Tango spoke.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
“No, no Tango we're not doing that again, you don't need to apologize for that.”
Tango shook his head. “Not for that, though… yeah. No.” His thoughts were all over the place and his words kept getting jumbled up. “I… I'm supposed to- you aren't the one that's supposed to have to deal with this,” he said quietly.
“So, not a first then?”
“This bad, yeah. First time. Never broke my hand, before,” he whispered, shame seeping into his tone.
“You said I wasn't supposed to deal with it, is there someone that is?” Jimmy prompted softly.
“Supposed to message Impulse or Zed,” he admitted. “I just- I didn't-”
“You don't have to explain, I'm not judging. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Do you want to message Impulse now? I know he's one of the hermits that came through the Rift.”
“I-” Tango hesitated, and when he continued, it was so quietly Jimmy wouldn't have heard if Tango hadn't been as close to him as he was. “He's gonna be disappointed.”
“Oh Tango, I'm sure he'll understand.”
Tango pressed his face harder into Jimmy's shoulder, trying to get impossibly closer, the task made more difficult by the fact that he only loosely had his arms wrapped around Jimmy because his hands hurt.
Jimmy seemed to get it, though, because he tightened his hold.
“Tango, you- you probably don't want to hear this and I know you probably know it, deep down, but… he's gonna find out, eventually. Don't you want to be the one to tell him?”
Tango knew Jimmy was right, but… “Don’t wanna move. Also, my hands hurt. And- and I don’t want him to be disappointed.”
“Tango, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But if you want him to know but just can’t message him, I could do it for you, if you want?”
Tango hesitated, and really thought about it for a second, but… “I think- I think I need to. But- could you type it? On my comm. I don’t think I can.”
“Yeah, of course. And I’m proud of you, Tango. For telling him.”
Tango managed to press himself even further into Jimmy’s arms and he took a few deep breaths before he pulled back. Jimmy took one of his hands gently and used the other to grab Tango’s comm from the nightstand.
“Just- fuck, I don’t know what to even say-”
“Take your time.”
“Tell him- type ‘Hey, Impulse. I messed up. I’m with Jimmy, I’m not alone, but I fucked up, Impy.’”
“Do you want him to come over here?” Jimmy asked.
“He’ll come. I told him I was with you, and he knows your Empire is Tumble Town. I give it 15 minutes max.”
“Okay, sent.”
Less than a minute later, 3 separate notifications came through, one after the other.
impulseSV whispers to you: i’m assuming you’re in tumble town, if not msg back cause i'm omw rn
impulseSV whispers to you: thank you
impulseSV whispers to you: for msging, i mean. thank you.
“See?” Jimmy said. “He’s not disappointed.”
“...maybe,” Tango said, still not convinced.
Jimmy sighed, setting the comm down on the bed next to him and holding his arms out and Tango immediately fell back into them.
“I’m proud of you,” Jimmy said again, resting his cheek on top of Tango’s head. “I really am.”
Tango grumbled, but didn’t protest. If he did, Jimmy would just say even more nice things and Tango would not be able to process that right then.
About 10 minutes later, there was knocking on the front door, and then they heard Impulse shouting. “Do I have the right house or am I aggressively knocking on some poor random person’s door?”
“Come in!” Jimmy shouted back, and the front door creaked as he stepped in. “We’re in the bedroom at the end of the hall.”
Impulse quickly appeared in the doorway and immediately moved to stand next to the bed, right by Tango. Jimmy pulled away a little, keeping an arm wrapped around Tango’s shoulders for the moment as the other turned toward Impulse, looking down at the ground.
“Tango?”
“Sorry,” he whispered.
Instantly Impulse was pulling him into a hug, and Jimmy moved away, sitting further down on the bed, quietly watching them.
“I didn’t mean to, it was so fast, I know I was supposed to message you but it was so fast- ”
“It’s okay, it’s okay, Tango. I’m not mad. Everything’s okay,” Impulse said reassuringly. “I’m not disappointed in you, I promise.”
There was silence for a few moments, and then Impulse spoke up again.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
“Punched a wall a bunch. Broke my hand,” Tango admitted quietly. “Jimmy fixed it.”
“Why?”
Tango pressed closer and felt Impulse’s arms tighten around him. “My stupid brain. I spiraled, got angry at myself, and at some of the others. Thought I was gonna burn down the building, so I punched a wall instead, and then couldn’t stop.”
Impulse looked over at Jimmy questioningly.
“A couple of days ago I broke down over something, and Tango helped, but he blames himself for me being upset.”
“Can I ask…?”
“I got tired of people pushing me around and griefing my empire and being mean. One of the big things that was bothering me was the toy jokes, and Tango got angry for going along with them not realizing it was hurting me,” Jimmy explained. “I didn’t realize he was blaming himself ‘til I found him in the stable with bloody knuckles and a broken hand.”
Impulse nodded, and just stood there holding Tango for a while before he pulled back. He let go of Tango in favor of gently taking his hands, looking at the bandages wrapped around them.
“We probably should change those,” Jimmy said. “It’s been a few hours, and I can see blood seeping through.”
“First-aid kit?” Impulse asked.
“Bathroom,” Jimmy replied, pointing to a door in the room. “Cabinet under the sink.”
“I’ll be right back,” Impulse said, pulling away.
Immediately Jimmy moved over to him again, this time pulling him into a hug from behind, hooking his chin over his shoulder. Tango melted into him, and Jimmy swayed back and forth the tiniest bit.
A few moments later Impulse was back and he crouched on the ground in front of them, a bucket of water and the first-aid kit both sitting next to him. He took Tango’s hand, and carefully unwrapped the bandages. Tango flinched back a bit at the feeling of the bandages tugging at his knuckles, and Jimmy tightened his arms.
Once he’d unwrapped both hands, he carefully held them in his own, looking at the damage. Tango hadn’t really seen much when Jimmy was wrapping them, or at least he didn’t remember it, and he bit his lip at the sight.
“Oh,” he whispered. “Oh, that-”
“Look at me,” Impulse said, and Tango managed to pull his gaze from his hands to look Impulse in the eyes. “Yeah, it’s bad, but you’re okay. It’s all okay, and we’re gonna wrap them up again and it’ll heal, Tango.”
“But I did that.”
“Yeah, and that’s not good, but you don’t need to feel guilty, got it?”
Tango nodded a tiny bit, and Impulse broke eye contact to get back to working on Tango’s hands. He set the left one down on Tango’s knee and held the right one in his, glancing up briefly to find Tango’s eyes glued to what Impulse was doing with his hand.
Impulse pulled out a piece of cloth and dipped it into the bucket of water before gently dabbing at Tango’s knuckles, cleaning off the blood. It was a familiar routine for them, even if they wished it wasn’t, but it still hurt, and Tango was just thankful to have Jimmy holding him tightly, this time.
Tango stayed quiet, only wincing a few times as Impulse cleaned his hand and applied more ointment before wrapping it, careful not to make it too tight.
When he went to take his left hand, though, he shrunk back into Jimmy, and Impulse paused.
“Sorry, sorry,” Tango whispered, forcing himself to extend his hand toward Impulse.
“It’s okay, don’t be.”
Tango bit his lip as Impulse began to repeat the process on his left hand, which hurt even more. After cleaning it and putting on ointment, he paused, realizing that the break might have been worse than they’d assumed.
“Hmm… we probably want to splint this,” Impulse said, looking intently at his left hand. “Here, look at this.”
Impulse glanced up at them to make sure they were both looking, and lifted Tango’s hand up so Jimmy could see a bit easier.
“It’s broken right there” He pointed to the spot just below the third knuckle of Tango’s pinkie finger that had an odd shape. “I think we should make sure it gets lined up and brace it to make sure it stays where it’s supposed to be.”
Tango knew he was right, but shook his head. Even now, hours later, his left hand was still killing him. The last thing he wanted to do right then was to have to feel someone messing directly with the break, but Impulse was already leaning over to grab bandages and a splint from the first-aid kit.
“Tango-” Jimmy began, but he stopped immediately when Impulse shook his head.
“Tango, look at me,” Impulse said firmly, waiting for Tango to once again pull his gaze from his hand. “If you tell me no I’m not going to do it, you’re an adult, you can make your own decisions. But if you leave it like it is and just wrap it, you have to accept that it’s not going to heal right and you have to live with that.”
Tango glanced between Impulse’s face and his broken hand and he thought about it.
“Tango, I know your hand hurts, but you really should let him fix it,” Jimmy said. He couldn't believe he hadn’t realized how badly it was broken, he’d thought it was mostly lined up, that just wrapping it a little tightly would be enough, but now that the swelling had gone down a bit, it was more obvious that it was not.
“It’s gonna make it hurt even more,” Tango whispered, looking away from Impulse. He almost felt childish saying it, but it was true. It would make it hurt more, and it already hurt and Tango was already stressed and he didn’t want it to hurt more.
He somehow managed to press even closer to Jimmy, who squeezed him tightly for a moment before speaking.
“I’m not leaving Tango, just moving, yeah?” Jimmy said, and when Tango nodded he pulled away. He sat next to Tango and turned to the other man to face him before pulling him into a hug.
They were sitting with their sides facing the side of the bed, making sure that Impulse still had access to Tango’s hand and that Jimmy was able to hug him.
“I don’t want to,” Tango mumbled, forehead pressing into Jimmy’s shoulder.
“I know,” Jimmy said, rubbing his back. “It hurts, of course you don’t want to.”
“I wouldn’t tell you I needed to do this if I didn’t truly need to,” Impulse said softly, and Tango turned to look at him. “If you want it to heal right, I need to fix and splint it.”
“I know, I know,” Tango said, and then after a moment he continued, “Okay.”
Impulse gently took Tango’s left hand again, and Jimmy could feel as he tensed up, turning his face away from Impulse and pressing closer to him.
“I’ve got you.” Jimmy tightened his arms around Tango as much as he could.
Tango whimpered as he felt Impulse start to bend his fingers, the pain in his hand already beginning to increase. He could hear Jimmy talking to him and tried his best to focus on that over the growing pain in his hand.
“I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
Then Impulse was pressing right on the break and it hurt and Tango cried out in pain. He tried to pull away but Jimmy was holding him tightly and Impulse had gotten a good grip on his wrist at some point, so he couldn’t move.
Unable to move away, he tried to press even closer to Jimmy, a few sobs escaping him. He’d gotten used to how it had hurt when it was being left alone, but this was so, so much worse.
“Breathe, Tango, breathe,” Jimmy reminded him. “Just a bit longer, yeah?”
He could feel something grating and then there was something flat being pressed up against his hand, flattening his last two fingers, and his hand was being wrapped.
“There, there, all done. I’m done, Tango,” Impulse said, gently lowering Tango’s hand before letting go.
“C’mon, breathe for me, Tango. It’s over, there’s no more, we’re done. Just breathe,” Jimmy said.
Tango was trying his best, but he couldn’t seem to stop crying. He was overwhelmed, it still hurt and everything was too much.
“Can’t, can’t, sorry-”
Impulse was standing up immediately, before sitting on the bed and carefully pulling Tango against him and leaning against the headboard. Jimmy let go, and Tango immediately curled into Impulse.
“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay,” Impulse told him, pulling him into his lap and tightening his arms around him.
Jimmy felt a bit useless, just sitting there watching them, but Impulse was one of Tango’s closest friends, and sometimes that was who you needed to get you through something.
“Everything’s just a lot right now, yeah?” Impulse asked softly, and Tango nodded.
He couldn’t stop sobbing, and in the short time Impulse had been holding him his tears had already begun to soak through his shirt.
“That’s okay, Tango. It’s okay. It hurts and you’re worried and stressed and that’s got you overwhelmed and that’s okay.”
Tango felt him begin gently rocking then side to side and did his best to relax in Impulse’s hold. It was… really nice hearing him validate his feelings, and he felt safe in his friend’s arms. He closed his eyes and listened as Impulse kept speaking softly to him, telling him that it was okay and occasionally reminding him to breathe, until his tears finally dried up and he felt a bit better.
Impulse let out a breath of relief as Tango’s breaths finally started to even out, and then a few moments later, he and Jimmy both came to the realization that he’d fallen asleep.
“He already took like a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day, his sleep schedule is gonna be so messed up,” Jimmy pointed out.
“He needs it, though,” Impulse said. “We can wake him up in a bit.”
Jimmy nodded, moving to lean up against the headboard, next to Impulse. If they were going to be sitting there for a bit, he at least wanted to be comfortable.
“Is there any chance you might be willing to tell me a more detailed explanation of what happened?” Impulse asked hesitantly. “I know it’s personal for you too and you don’t have to, but…”
“No, it’s okay. He found me having a really bad time a few days ago. I was really stuck in my head about the things that the others kept saying and doing. That stupid toy joke that I’m sure you’ve heard?” Jimmy paused and glanced over at Impulse.
“Yeah, I’ve heard it quite a few times, saw a few plushies floating around too,” Impulse said, and Jimmy winced at the reminder that Joel still was selling those stupid toys.
Yeah. It’s been driving me crazy. I genuinely hate it and it bothers me so much, them saying that and them griefing my empire with Toy Story references, and that combined with some of the joking from Double Life and people’s tendencies to make fun of me got to be too much and when Tango asked what was wrong I kinda broke down on him.”
“Why would he blame himself, though?” Impulse asked. “Also, I’m sorry I didn’t realize some of that stuff was bothering you.”
“Exactly that,” Jimmy said. “He made a few jokes with the others, and he didn’t realize how some of the things here and some of the things on Double Life were actually really upsetting me, and he blamed himself for it.”
Tango shifted and Impulse moved a hand to gently run his fingers through his hair until he settled back down. He wanted to have a good idea of what was going on before Tango woke up again so that he didn’t have to force Tango into explaining the situation. He’d be able to focus on Tango instead of on figuring out what had happened.
“We didn’t do much the day after that, Tango made me stay in and just relax, and honestly I’m kinda glad he did, I needed it. The next day, today, I insisted on leaving though, since I had stuff to do. I got back a bit earlier than I thought I would and was excited to get back, but when I found him in the stable his hands were like that. Didn’t realize how badly broken the one hand was, though, I thought wrapping it would be enough.”
Jimmy paused for a moment to recall what Tango had said after he’d wrapped up his hands.
“He apologized, a lot. For hurting me, and for letting the others hurt me. I told him he didn’t need to but he just kept saying sorry. Eventually I gave in and told him I forgave him, even though there wasn’t anything to forgive him for.”
Impulse nodded. “Yeah, that sounds about right. He blames himself a lot. He’s usually good at hiding it, but sometimes that voice in his head telling him he screwed up gets too loud. As a nether hybrid, he has the potential to set himself and the things around him on fire, so if he can’t do that sometimes he ends up punching things to keep himself from catching on fire.”
Tango shifted again, mumbling something, and this time Impulse didn’t try and make sure he stayed asleep, this time letting himself wake up. Like Jimmy had said, they didn’t want to mess up his sleep even more than they already had, and they needed to talk still.
“Tango? Hey, time to wake up, buddy,” Impulse said.
“Mmmmm I don’ wanna.”
“Yeah, but you’ve napped too much today, don’t want your sleep schedule completely messed up. Besides, and I don’t mean this is a bad way,” he specified, knowing how much Tango tended to overthink things, “we need to talk.”
That woke him right up, and Impulse was glad he still had his arms around Tango because he immediately moved to bolt upright, like he had earlier when he’d woken up with Jimmy.
“Hey, not a bad talk, just a talk,” Impulse repeated. “I just want to talk about what happened so we can figure out what went wrong, if it could’ve gone any differently. Sometimes there’s not really any way it can go better and we both know that, but there might be.”
Jimmy leaned over and pressed a kiss to Tango’s head. “I’m gonna go get you some water,” he said softly. “Completely forgot to earlier. I’ll be right back.”
Tango nodded and Jimmy got up, making his way to the kitchen to grab a cup of water.
Impulse pushed Tango away from him just enough to look him in the eyes, doing his best to make sure it didn’t seem like he was trying to pull away or leave. “Tango, look at me, please?”
Tango did as he asked, and Impulse could see the worry in his expression, and it hurt. He knew it had nothing to do with him and that Tango trusted him pretty much unconditionally, but it still hurt, knowing how insecure he always felt.
“We’ve done this before,” he reminded Tango. “We’ve had this conversation. You know what’s happening, it’s nothing new, and you don’t have to talk about anything you really don’t want to talk about.”
“I know, I just- I dunno. It’s hard. It’s always hard, I don’t know what to say,” Tango replied, looking down and breaking eye contact.
At that moment Jimmy came back in, holding a plastic cup and a pitcher of water and set the pitcher on the nightstand before handing the cup to Tango, making sure he had a good grip on it before letting go.
“Drink that, please,” Jimmy said, sitting back down on the bed.
Tango took a sip before immediately downing the whole cup, not having realized how thirsty he’d been until that moment. Jimmy took the cup from his hand and filled it back up.
“Don’t chug it,” Jimmy warned before handing it back. “You’re gonna make yourself sick, and you’ve already had a bad enough day without that happening too.”
Tango nodded and drank slower this time.
“Feel better?” Jimmy asked.
“A little, thank you,” Tango said quietly.
“I’m glad.”
After a short moment of quiet, Impulse spoke again. “Tell us about what happened, Tango.”
“I just- Jimmy, this isn’t your fault. It- I’ll admit it’s not mine either, I know it even if it doesn’t feel like it, but don’t blame yourself,” he began by saying, and that made Jimmy worry a little bit.
After a deep breath, he continued. “I know it sucks to have people making fun of you and ignoring boundaries and carrying on with jokes even after they’ve become hurtful instead of funny. Knowing that I played a part in that, even unknowingly, really messed me up.”
Jimmy was almost surprised at how good Tango was at communication once he’d calmed down, was given time, and was asked the right questions, but he guessed it made sense, if this was something they’d done before.
“What led to you punching the wall?” Impulse asked after a long pause.
“I was exploring, after Jimmy left,” he began. “I sat down and my thoughts started overwhelming me.”
He seemed to hesitate, and Jimmy prompted him this time instead of Impulse, asking, “Can you tell us what they were?”
“Just…” Tango took a breath, thinking for a moment. “I started thinking about it, and then about what I probably missed in Double Life and the times that you’d expressed or shown that things made you uncomfortable or upset that I didn’t pick up on, and then that stupid voice in the back of my mind started telling me that it made me a terrible partner and then that I didn’t deserve you and I thought I was gonna burn down the stable and I couldn’t deal with that again so I punched the wall instead. I know I’m supposed to message you, Impulse, but I was so lost in my thoughts and it happened so fast .”
The words sped up as he kept speaking, jumbling together a bit, but they still understood what he’d said, and at that, Jimmy moved to pull Tango back into his arms. At this point he needed the hug as much as Tango did, he hated that his partner had to deal with those thoughts.
“You do deserve me,” Jimmy said. “You deserve good things, even if you mess up. Making mistakes doesn’t change that.”
“I know, it’s just hard to believe it, sometimes,” Tango said, melting back into Jimmy’s arms.
“That’s okay, we’re always here to remind you.”
“He’s right. Whenever you need, we’re here to remind you that your thoughts are lying, that you deserve nice things, whatever you need to be reminded of. We’re right here. Always,” Impulse said, reaching over and squeezing Tango’s shoulder.
“I love you guys.”
“Love you too, Tango,” they both said at the same time.
Then, it was quiet for a while, the only sounds in the room being their breaths and the occasional noise made by fabric rubbing together whenever someone moved. There was no speaking, though, the three of them were content to just sit there, Jimmy holding Tango close and Impulse nearby, or as long as they needed to.
They didn’t have anywhere they needed to be, the place they were needed most was right there, with Tango, and neither of them were going to be moving anytime soon.