Chapter Text
Every time he would close his eyes due to sheer exhaustion he was back there. He could smell the blood, broken stones and that stench that could only be from death still lodged in his nostrils. The look of concern to later be stuck in shock, yellow shrouded by green and then the crumpled broken body falling to the ground were imprinted on his eyelids. Harry was trapped. He was trapped in a waking world of suspicion and pity and a nightmare world of the graveyard.
It had only been a few days since the incident and Harry was weak. Both emotionally and physically. He was not sure he would survive if he returned to the Dursleys at this point. Harry had already been starving himself before the third task but now food just did not even seem appealing. Nothing seemed appealing. Especially with the lack of sleep adding up.
Voldemort was back and Cedric was dead and it was all Harry’s fault. His mind is even tormenting him with his failures. Harry was done. If he had any say in this world then he was not going to stay in it. That way he could not fail anyone else ever again.
Harry was determined to make it work and knew his best chance was when he was in this weakened state. He showed up to breakfast intending to disappear immediately after and remove the problem. Himself. Except of course like all of his plans, Harry found them being interrupted when Hedwig landed with a letter from Dumbledore requesting his presence.
Harry's internal rage rose. Yes, it was his fault that those tragedies had happened but if Dumbledore had done anything. Prepared Harry better, got him out of the Dursley or even set him up with a competent DADA professor for more than a year. If Dumbledore had done anything...Voldemort would not be back and Cedric would not be dead. Harry was sure of it.
Entering the office Harry could feel the thin hold he had on his anger fray just a little more. Especially when he found the old man wearing the bright disgustingly colored robes and that twinkle in his eyes. It was as if he had not just lost a student and that a megalomaniac had not just been resurrected or that one of the followers of said megalomaniac had not just been a teacher at his school.
His anger rose a little more when he was asked how he was doing. He bites back his sarcastic reply about how he has to be doing great, especially after seeing his classmate die, his parents’ betrayer cutting him to collect his blood to use to bring his parents’ murder to life and battle the murder to barely escape with his life. Instead, he just answered with a curt fine and a glare.
“I brought you here Harry to discuss your safety, especially after what happened in the graveyard. With Voldemort using your blood in his ritual…” Harry cut him off as he could feel himself almost immediately being transported back to the graveyard with every last word coming from the older man’s mouth.
“Please don’t talk about that night…Sir.”
“Of course not my boy! But with Voldemort having your blood in his system well I worry that he might be able to cross the wards of Privet Drive.” Dumbledore plowed on barely containing his glee at seeing Harry squirm with reminders from that night.
“Sir you told me after I had begged to be removed from there that nowhere would be safer.” Harry was shaking with his barely controlled rage. Of course, it would take him being an unwilling participant in the ritual to bring Voldemort back for him to be removed. All that the old man cared about was Voldemort.
Harry had mostly tuned out the man as he made it plenty clear that Harry had no say in what was going to be happening. He kept mentioning Cedric, the graveyard and Voldemort. As if Harry had not just been traumatized by it. Then the icing on the cake was Dumbledore just blatantly telling him that he did not think Harry was safe with his abusive relatives especially when he was fragile after witnessing his friend’s death.
Dumbledore had admitted it. He knew what the Dursleys did on some level and here he was trying to pretend like he was protecting Harry from them. Harry knew the truth though. Dumbledore had wanted to protect them from his potentially out-of-control weapon. He wanted better control of his weapon.
Before Harry could reply as his anger came to a boiling point Dumbledore dropped the proverbial pail of ice water. He was going to be staying with Snape. Snape hated him and had done his absolute best to make Harry’s life hell.
Harry was sure. Albus Dumbledore had finally lost his mind. It was not just because he was finally removing Harry from his abusers. Now Harry was adding on the possible trauma he had gained from seeing his classmate murdered in front of him as well as having to face said murderer/his parents' murderer on his own of course. Now the senile headmaster was sending him to stay with his Potion Master…you know the same man that has been spewing vile at him since day one of his enrollment at Hogwarts. Harry added this new development to his list of why he should not trust the old man.
Harry took several deep breaths as he sat before the supposedly great man reminding himself again why he was not allowed to argue with him. Instead, he made a promise when he realized Dumbledore was never going to help him that he would play by the old man’s rules for now at least. After calming down enough to not want to destroy everything in the old man’s office (including the old man) Harry stood and left with a slam of the door. He was proud that all he had done was slam the door shut when he wanted to throw the biggest tantrum and destroy everything that the old man held dear.
Though he had calmed enough to not destroy the Headmaster's office he was still fuming as he made his way back to the dorms. Harry could feel the onset of one of his...issues. The world for Harry had switched to a different channel where there was static and it felt bigger than before. He wanted Neville...the only one who knew about this specific issue. Harry was hoping that he could work up the courage to tell Neville and possibly Ron and Hermione what was going on. Everything that was going on.
Stopping at the portrait Harry mumbled the password and was not surprised to hear the tutting and slight scolding from the Lady as she always did whenever he chose to murmur. He was surprised though by the sound of Hermione and Ron speaking about him…loudly and rudely.
“Thank Merlin Dumbledore had to speak to the little freak,” Ron exclaimed as he lounged on the couch comfortably. “Means I don’t have to go chasing after the idiot for longer than necessary. Man can’t tell you how many times the little brat ruined a good wanking with his stupid cries for his little boyfriend.”
“Headmaster Ronald. Though I agree. Having Potter out of my hair even for a little bit is doing some good. All of his insistent screaming was getting on my last nerve. Did you notice that his work these last few weeks has been better than normal?” Hermione rolled her eyes as she flipped through her latest book on curses she couldn’t wait to use.
“I can’t explain it. I tried all of the normal things to get him to bugger off but he was so focused I ended up having to make copies of my work.” Ron rolled his eyes. Harry was never more grateful for the twins, Luna and Neville now as he heard this. They had been helping him with his homework as well as his class notes. “The only thing that would top it off is if he was told that he was going to be expelled for cheating.”
“Merlin, that would be bloody brilliant.” Hermione agreed. Suddenly a third voice joined the pair.
“You two think you have it hard. Try being told to seduce the freak all the time. I would rather sleep with Snape before that useless waste of space.” Ginerva Weasley cried.
Harry wanted to cry. He had already been on the way to an involuntary regression due to the stress of Dumbledore's news but now he could feel it practically breathing down his neck. It was not an if more it was a when now.
Harry had suspected for a while now that Ron and Hermione were not great friends but still to hear it from the people he had thought of as his first friends. It was enough to send him spiralling. Way deeper into the regression than a normal stress-induced one. Harry hated that he had to be something he was not for them. He had played stupid with them most of the time but had seen the signs throughout the entire competition plus all of the signs from the previous years. Easily ignoring him, turning him into a bad person whenever possible. That and his gut. Harry instinctively wanted to hide things from Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. He never had an explanation besides it is what his gut told him and with his background, he would trust it more than any fake promises he garnered from others.
Merlin, Harry could not wait until he could go to Neville, Luna, and the twins. Going to stay with Snape would not be such a bad thing as he had previously thought. At least he knew what to expect from the sadistic Potions Master.
The static from before was a little clearer as he was able to focus on the three traitors inside. He had to wait until there was complete silence on the other side as the voices had drifted up the stairs heading towards the girls' dorms. In the clear Harry practically ran to his dorm. threw himself onto his bed and could feel his brain slipping away like sand while Neville just held him close to his side. That's one thing Harry could count on from Neville. He never judged just held Harry, talked to him or waited for him to be ready to talk.
Hours later Harry ended up finding out that this was a common occurrence as he packed. Whenever he was not around Hermione, Ginny, and Ron would say things behind his back about him. Most of it called him exactly what he always feared. He knew he should not have told them about his past but he always had hoped that he was reading too much into the situation. Though Harry was never more glad that he had never told them about the Dursleys in massive detail nor had he told them about his…issues.
Harry had more issues than just the regressions. The regressions though were compounded by the other issue. The issue was a second birthday present from Vernon. He had damaged Harry in more ways than he was willing to admit. It had started as just simple leftover pains in his hands, headaches, and some stomach pains whenever he tried to hold it for too long. As the years progressed and more damage happened to his body, the issues worsened. The stomach pains turned into almost full-blown incontinence, the headaches turned to migraines where his vision would swim and his hands had constant tremors well was unable to hold a quill or knife properly. Neville had found out. About everything their first year. He had been awake one morning when he heard Harry sobbing to himself as he tried to pull the wet sheets off the bed and when Neville had cleared his throat to tell him that the elves would handle it he had to watch in horror as Harry wet himself again as well as panic that sent him spiralling into a regression. Ever since then, Neville had asked for help from older years to teach him charms and spells that would help Harry without revealing the fact that it was Harry who needed to know.
After the revelation, Harry went to bed angry at them and avoided them as best as he could when they boarded the train. He was thankful for Neville and Luna as they both distracted him throughout the ride home. They taught him how to play a few card games and how to play wizarding chess for real not just letting him get trampled because he does not know how to play. Only bringing him out of their games when Neville remembered Harry would need to go before he possibly had an accident seeing as the boy had ignored most of his wand’s alarms too engrossed in what was going on. Luna and the twins knew about some of his issues because they had seen Neville scold Harry a few times before. Mainly because Harry had not listened to him and then upset himself enough to end up regressing in the middle of a school day.
The twins realized that Harry sometimes regressed and had a long conversation with him about it. They generally would try to be adult about Harry things after that. Making sure he ate, listened to his alarms and generally helped him in classes afterwards. Luna had just been Luna and just knew. Unlike the others, she did not need to see anything to tell her. All four of them had banded together to keep Harry safe and when he had been entered into the tournament had stoically stood by his side and helped as much as they could.
When the train arrived at the station Harry was shocked when Snape collected him in person so sure the older man would have wanted to hide the change in their dynamic and brought him out to an Austin metro. When Harry questioned why a car and not some form of magical travel, Severus explained that he lived in a muggle community and did not want to deal with the unnecessary attention magical travel would bring. Severus had not told Harry how magical travel would also be easier to trace and Harry was supposed to be kept safe. He also told the young boy that they were travelling for almost four hours and had hoped he had used the restroom before they started their trip. Harry did not think it would be helpful to tell him that even if he had used it, he still would have to go at some point. Fucking Dursleys.
Severus Snape had not wanted his summer to become this. He had hoped to be able to collect ingredients from all over the world in peace or read up on all of the new potions that had been created during his time working, especially now that the Dark Lord was back. However, his plans were squashed all by a spoiled brat and a meddling old fool. Severus was not happy but he also wasn’t ready to just write up a formal complaint about dealing with it all.
He had been glancing back in the mirror to make sure that he had not hallucinated having the brat who just wouldn’t stay out of trouble staying with him this summer. Yet there he was glaring at an open book (a surprise that Severus still hadn’t been able to get over). However, Severus failed to see that Harry kept glancing back up at his professor in trepidation with another wiggle or two.
Harry had decided it was better to try reading through most of the ride in hopes of keeping himself awake so that he would feel his wand’s alarm going off. It was extremely important for him to not ignore it now especially if he did not want to embarrass himself with the professor. He was sure that the older man would happily tell all of Slytherin about his problems. Harry did not want the older man to know that he couldn’t tell when he had to go as he had been dealing with it. He was sure that he could make it a full four hours in the car without falling asleep but sure enough, with the gentle sway of the car, low music, and the comfortable temperature, Harry found himself losing the battle to keep his eyes open.
Severus glanced back at Harry and was suddenly reminded how much smaller the boy was than a normal 14 almost 15-year-old. The sudden revelation was due to how much larger the backseat seemed in comparison to the boy. Severus remembered the last time he had travelled with Draco and how much larger he had seen in comparison to Harry in the back seat. He had been thinking of the fact that he would need to check if the boy needed the bathroom but when he saw him asleep he just shrugged it off. Harry had probably gone before he got off the train just like any other teenager, heck he had even asked and Harry had told him that he had. Plus he was a teenager and more than able to let Severus know if he had to go. With that as a final thought on the matter, Severus focused on the road turning the classical music up.
Harry was back in the graveyard. He could see Cedric trying to get closer to him to save him but no matter how much he tried to scream at the boy to run, to hide, Cedric couldn’t hear him. Thrashing back and forth he could feel the stone of the grave cutting into him drawing even more blood as he heard the sibilant hissing of Nagini as she approached her master. Heard her confirm to the half-man child that there was another there. The call of Avada Kedavra and the startling green light finally let Harry scream.
Harry jolted awake tears clinging to his lashes just wanting to finally drop when he noticed the unmistakable feeling. He had wet himself because he had fallen asleep just like everything he was avoiding. Harry had not even realized that he had an audience as he quietly started to panic.
Little “No, No, nos” poured out of him in fear of his Potion professor learning about his little issue. It was not like it was something he planned to do ever. It just happened . It always just happens ever since Vernon had decided to beat him that one time and he had heard that crack. Left him a mess as there was no way to learn after that and Petunia used to do some horrible things to punish him for his accidents. Harry had not even realized that he was sobbing or still letting out little nos over and over again.
He was so lost due to his thoughts spiralling out of control and could feel the world becoming more and more confusing and harder to understand. Harry knew this feeling and knew that it was going to be harder to bring himself back because he was so worried about Snape being there. Snape finding out would be the worst possible outcome.
Severus was startled out of his contemplation of what he would do with the Wonder Boy when he heard the boy getting upset over something. Hoping it was just him getting annoyed that he woke up from his impromptu nap that when he glanced in the mirror he found he had a distraught child. Not knowing what to do besides bringing the car to a petrol station so that he could check on the boy, Severus was not expecting to find himself having to deal with a wet, crying, and panicking Harry Potter. WHAT THE HECK IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO???