Work Text:
Shaking his head, Xigbar opened a portal to a corridor of darkness and stepped inside.
Apparently Demyx had skipped another one of his missions. No surprise there, but it was beginning to be a bit of a problem. If he didn't find the lazy bastard and kick his butt into gear, somebody else was going to have to take on the mission in his place. Saïx didn't even need to say it – Xigbar knew that if he failed to find him, he'd be the one doing extra work.
Fortunately, he found him exactly where he expected him to be.
As soon as he exited the corridor, his face was met with the warm and salty breeze of the mid-afternoon Atlantican beach. The glare from the sun hitting the waves was intense. He had to squint so he wouldn't go blind.
Shielding his eye, he made a straight line toward the only person who was sitting on the beach.
With his sitar resting over his lap, his fingers mindlessly plucking away at the strings, Demyx sat facing the ocean with his eyes closed and an empty-headed smile on his face.
Xigbar stopped beside him and groaned loudly enough for him to hear. There was no way he hadn't heard him, but he continued to sit there with the same stupid look, acting like he was totally unbothered. Either he was truly lost in his own world or he was trying to piss him off.
“What're you doing here?” Xigbar said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Demyx's eyes snapped open and his music came to an abrupt stop. In that lighting, Xigbar couldn't help but notice that his eyes seemed to reflect the color of the ocean; somehow blue and green at the same time.
Tilting his head back, Demyx looked up at him with a pathetic grin.
“Uh... Hi there!”
“Saïx was chewing me out about your disappearance – as if it's my job to babysit you. So, you got an excuse for skipping this time? You know, if you keep doing this, you're going to get branded a deserter.”
“I'm not deserting!” he said with an indignant scoff, but then his shoulders sagged as he reluctantly moved on to address the real matter at hand. “I'm just... uh... unenthusiastic about the assignment I was given. How's that~?”
“You're unenthusiastic about all of your assignments.”
“Man, it's not my fault X-face keeps giving me these jobs that he knows won't vibe with me. Why does he want me fighting Heartless? He should save that sort of thing for somebody else.”
Was it really that hard for him to do the mission? It seemed like it would've been a lot easier for him to get the job done so he wouldn't have had to worry about it anymore. Then he would've been free to lay on the beach or do whatever the hell he wanted. But... Instead, he seemed pleased to pretend like the work didn't even exist.
He was already back to playing his sitar. It was like he thought their conversation was over, like he really believed that Xigbar would accept his pitiful excuse and leave it at that.
As if. It was only possible for an excuse like that to work in the mind of someone whose head was filled with flowers. If he returned to the Castle and told Saïx, “Actually, Demyx said you should give that mission to someone else,” he would've received a claymore to the head.
Demyx had no intention of doing his mission, though. Xigbar could see that. Strangely, although he felt like he had become adept at getting people to move as he pleased, he got the feeling that there was nothing he could've said that would've convinced Demyx to follow him. No, it was more than just a feeling...
There was something about his demeanor. He could have been just an idiot who was oblivious to his own position, thinking himself important enough to reject the authority of the ones above him. But even idiots typically had enough common sense to feel afraid of suffering the consequences of their actions.
Xigbar couldn't relate. He couldn't understand what it was like to be that way. He'd never had the luxury to not care.
The way he breathed slowly, inhaling and exhaling with the rhythm of the waves...
His peaceful smile...
And that music. Its repetitious melody made everything feel... insignificant.
The ocean looked so vast, stretching out from one visible corner of the horizon to the other. It probably continued out much farther than the eye could see, yet Xigbar knew that it had to end somewhere. And yet, the waves were infinite. He knew that they would never stop rolling in and out no matter how long he stood there, no matter if the world ended.
The song at Demyx's fingertips was the sort without end. It wouldn't end unless he chose to set down his sitar.
The same pattern of notes repeated endlessly without ever seeming to become tired.
There was a part of him that wanted to hear Demyx play something else, but he was also afraid of hearing the music stop.
“You seriously don't have a care in the world, do you?” he muttered.
Without stopping, Demyx looked up at him and smiled.
That smile really got on his nerves.
“Hey. What would you do if you knew the world was going to end?”
Demyx blinked as if surprised and his fingers fell from the strings. “Oh, weird. I was just thinking about something like that~ ...This is hypothetical, right?”
“You think I'm being serious? Of course it's hypothetical. But for the sake of the question, pretend like it's real.”
He received a skeptical look, but then Demyx sighed and took a moment to consider the question.
“Hm. Right, let's see... Well, either way, I wouldn't worry about it, y'know~? If there's something I can do about it, I'll do it, but if it's out of my control, then there's just no helping it. There's no point in feeling bad about something like that. The way I see it, everybody has something they're good at. Even if I couldn't do something about it, maybe there’d be somebody else who could? That's my policy! Sometimes it's Demyx time, but sometimes it's somebody else's time~”
For him, that sounded oddly reassuring. It meant that if he were faced with a grave situation, he wouldn't have just sat there and let everything come crashing down around him. Still, an answer like that sounded unbearably lackadaisical.
“That almost sounded philosophical.”
“You think so~?” Demyx said, beaming proudly.
“Wasn't really complimenting you.” A moment later, he was suddenly hit with a realization that made him grimace. “Wait a minute... Don't tell me that's the excuse you've been giving yourself every time you shove your missions onto me.”
His way of doing things wasn't just lackadaisical – it was self-centered.
And, of course, Demyx didn't have anything to say for himself. All he could do was nervously laugh and rub the back of his neck.
“Anyway, yeah, it's pretty simple. If the sky were falling, I'd make the most of my time and try to have as much fun as possible~ No regrets!”
“So that's what 'Demyx time' means? Doing whatever you want?”
Demyx groaned and gave him a disappointed stare.
“Ugh, did you not listen to a single word I said? I won't do something if it doesn't suit me! Sorry if that makes me seem lazy to you! Hmph~!” He shook his head, then fixed him with a look that seemed unusually serious for him. “What about you? If you're doing what suits you, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. You don't needlessly force yourself to do things that don't feel right, do you?”
Xigbar opened his mouth, but he realized that he didn't know how to answer.
Maybe Demyx was giving him that look because he knew that it wasn't an easy question. It was always hard to tell what he was thinking...
He had his role. That was what always kept driving him forward. But... He made his own choices, too. At times, he worried about what would happen in the end. He didn't want the Master's final prophecy to be fulfilled. Whether he liked it or not, it meant that he needed to act in ways that were unexpected. But, by doing so, he feared that he would be the one responsible for causing the collapse of everything.
He couldn't just make any choices. He had to make the right ones.
The Master had chosen him for that role because he believed that he was the one who was suited for it. So, if he believed in Demyx's policy, then...
“I have nothing to worry about.” His choices were his, so they were correct, one hundred percent. “I do things my own way.”
Demyx's eyes shined brightly. He looked pleased.
May your heart be your guiding key.
Those words had never left him.
He wondered if Demyx knew them, too.
In a subtle way, the look in Demyx's eyes seemed to become distant, his smile somewhat wistful.
“I know I look lazy... And maybe I am totally useless to the Organization... But, I feel like I should be here anyway. Actually, I'm sure of it. I trust myself at least that much.”
“I get it,” Xigbar said. He suddenly felt like laughing. “Demyx time, huh... Yeah... I've got something like that, too. Never change, kid.”
He didn't need to stay there any longer. Somehow, Demyx had convinced him.
“Huh? Wait, you're leaving?”
“Yeah, it's fine,” Xigbar said, waving over his shoulder as he headed back the way he came. “Keep doin' what you're doin'. I'll tell Saïx you're sick or something.”
Demyx sat up quickly and took a step toward him, leaving his sitar behind him in the sand. “No, I mean-... Don't you wanna stay here for a while? It's relaxing! And, um... You know... We could... Enjoy each other's company or whatever~...”
Why did it sound like he was going to cry...?
It looked like he was frozen there – like he couldn't have reached him even if he tried.
Xigbar stared at the distance separating them.
He knew that spending time with Demyx had nothing to do with his role. Wasting time with him probably wouldn't have brought him any closer to his goal. But when he thought about walking away and leaving him standing there... Something about it didn't feel right.
He sighed.
Demyx looked confused as he watched him sit down in the sand next to him. He must not have been expecting him to really come back.
“Just for a while,” Xigbar said. “Then I gotta get back to HQ.”
Slowly, Demyx sat down and pulled his sitar back up into his lap. Xigbar thought he would've been happy, but he just looked troubled about it instead.
“You're probably just being polite...”
“Polite's not a word I would use to describe me,” Xigbar said. The words came out of his mouth without even thinking, so he knew he was telling him the truth. He wasn't staying just because he felt bad for him. He was there because he wanted to be.
There was a part of him that felt sort of relieved when he heard Demyx laugh.
“That's true~ You are pretty rude!”
“Okay, don't push your luck now.”