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Tailgate tapped on the wall nervously. The observation room was empty besides them. The entire deck is almost abandoned. There were still Legislator corpses in the side rooms!
Which he was helping collect. Junior needed to eat and they were easier to scrounge than for Whirl to beg spare parts from the medbay. And he was helping because he needed Whirl alone for a while. Well, not that he minded helping. Whirl had asked and he didn’t have anything better to do.
But today, well… It was useful.
Whirl was debating with himself over how much more scrap he needed. And Tailgate was going to lose the opportunity if he didn’t speak up now.
“Hey, Whirl. Can I ask you something?”
Whirl turned, and ah, maybe he’s clocked Tailgate being a little nervous? His optic’s narrowed, and he’s flat when he replies, “what now.”
Tailgate raised his hands placatingly, “hey now, nothing bad . I just need a some advice on something a little…”
“More relationship advice?”
“Yeah.”
“I gotta start charging for this...” Whirl shakes his head.
“Hey!”
Whirl shrugs and drops the loose arm he was inspecting where he had found it, “look it’s embarrassing that out of everyone on this ship, I’m the one helping you, you know? At least try someone who’s been in one before.”
And Tailgate scrunches his visor before making a frustrated noise, “Whirl, c’mon. We aren’t that bad. And, well, you’re the only person Cyclonus is comfortable with knowing about this kind of stuff.”
Whirl squints, then drops his shoulders and rolls his optic and gesturing for Tailgate to continue, “Ugh, fine. What’s wrong with him?”
To which Tailgate cocks his head. “Why would there be something wrong with Cyclonus?”
“You said something’s wrong and he isn’t here, so…”
His visor widens in understanding, “Oh! No, nothing’s really wrong, it’s just kind of a weird situation and we aren’t sure how to deal with it. And Cyclonus is a little stiff with this type of stuff, so I said I would ask you while he was on shift and-”
“Is it a sex thing?”
“No! Well, tangentially, sort of? But that’s not what I’m asking about…” Tailgate taps his fingers and tries to approach the issue gently, “have you heard of polyamory before?”
Whirl’s own optic blows wide, “are you trying to organize a threesome? With who?”
Tailgate shakes his head, “No, not like a threesome! Like dating.”
“...What.” Before Tailgate can reply Whirl shakes his head and interrupts himself, “Okay, fuck it. Just explain.”
“Okay, so a while back me and Cyclonus were just hanging out and he kind of sucks at parsing how he feels a lot of the time-” Tailgate shoots a glare in response to a snicker but continues, “and we were hardwired, just catching up on our days and he kind of had some not-very-platonic vibes going about someone he had been spending time with.”
Whirl made a noise like sucking air through dentae he doesn’t have, but Tailgate cuts him off.
“But like, that’s not a problem! People don’t stop being hot and fun just because we’re conjunx. And I know he wouldn’t ever cheat on me, so I wasn’t scared of that. Like, he didn’t really realize it until I pointed it out, even. But we wound up talking about it some, and afterwards it got me… Thinking.” He shifted his optics to the side. This amount of intense eye contact with the current subject matter was a little uncomfortable, and Whirl wasn’t giving obvious body language as Tailgate continued, “Specifically about this person. And. Well, Cyclonus was onto something? I could totally see it. I mean, as far as thinking they’re dateable.”
Whirl blinked, winked, probably blinked in this context, and when it was clear Tailgate was finished he replied, “did I miss who exactly you’re trying to bang, here?”
“Date, not bang, first of all, it’s still not a threesome thing. Second, I’m not really comfy saying, right now.”
“Well that’s useless. What do you even want me to do about it? Sounds like you two freaks are already in sync.”
Tailgate shrugged, “I mean there’s the third person.”
“Which you’re keeping secret.”
“Yeah.”
“And you still want me to help you.”
“Please.”
Whirl slumped to the ground and laced his claws together, resting his helm on them. “Well it’s a hell of a situation. You trying to figure out if this mystery-crush likes you two?”
“Err, sorta? It’s a maybe situation, they say some stuff but it’s not exactly serious, and it’s kind of hard to gauge if someone’s into you when you’re bonded, y’know? Like if someone liked either of us they probably wouldn’t want to actually show it because…” Tailgate shrugs.
“Best case they ruin whatever they and you two do have going, and worst case, the other one of you tries to kill ‘em?”
Tailgate rolls his optics, “it’s not like Cyclonus would even get jealous like that.”
There was a pause.
“So are we just admitting you’re violently jealous? Because that might bode ill on your little plan.”
“What? Not like that.” Whirl snickered at his rising fluster as Tailgate continued, “I mean I don’t think I’d have a problem with this whole thing we’re discussing. But someone trying to go after him just like randomly isn’t okay, I don’t want him getting hassled.”
“Huh.”
“I don’t. That like, never comes up. It doesn’t matter.” Tailgate blinks, “we’re off topic. Like, I guess I could try flirting. But that’s got issues, because then they know I’m bonded and if I’m hitting on someone it wraps around into them getting scared thinking I’m trying to cheat or something. And well, Cyclonus doesn’t… I don’t think he’s physically capable of flirting.”
Whirl replied with a wheezy laugh, “I can see it, face like he’s getting tortured. Yeah, bad idea. If he can’t then it’s got big threesome energy at best if you come in negotiating for him. Might be you two have to dust off your spines and just say something about it. Preferably in neutral territory because springing that in one of your habsuites is also major-”
“Stop saying threesome.”
“Orgy vibes.”
Tailgate drops his face into his hands, “worse. That’s worse than threesome. But it makes sense.”
Then raises his hands in frustration, “just how do we do that though?” He stops and tilts his head, making eye contact with Whirl, “what would you do if two people came up and asked you out?”
“Well if they were asking me it would definitely be a fetish thing-”
“Okay, but that isn’t the hypothetical. What would you do if they asked you out, like for an actual relationship?” Tailgate cut in.
And Whirl shrugged in response, “I’d tell them to get assessed. I ain’t the type healthy folks seek out.”
Tailgate makes a strained, frustrated noise and hisses back, “ but that’s not the hypothetical. If two people you knew walked up to you and asked you out and they were of sound mind, what would you do?”
Throwing up his arms, Whirl replied with similar frustration, “You’re changing the hypothetical! It’s not realistic!”
“It’s a slagging hypothetical, Whirl!”
“What the hell are you supposed to do? Ultimately they’re the ones it’s gonna get bit in the ass if I’m game.” Whirl pauses, Tailgate is staring at him so intently he can almost see him vibrating “and if I’m not, then two people trying to jump me in the non -violent sense isn’t worth getting stirred up over.”
Tailgate’s helm dropped back into his hands, “It’s not a threesome…” then the rest of Whirl’s words registered and he looked up, “but you wouldn’t get freaked out, or be mad though? Even if you didn’t want to try it?”
Whirl shrugged again with emphasis, “probably. But you shouldn’t use me as a behavioral model, you know?”
Tailgate tilted his head and with noticeable relaxation compared to the entire conversation before replied, “no, no, I know. It’s just good to talk these things through, right? You were really helpful.”
Whirl stood up and examined the half full wagon he had been leaning against, “don’t get mushy. You got my routing number if you’re really feeling grateful. Now grab that plating next to you, I’ve about got enough to stock up Junior’s stash.”
“Sure!” With a hop, Tailgate was on his own feet and passed Whirl the pitted Legislator chunk.
“So… Swerve?”
“No.”
“Hmmm. Rodimus?”
“No.”
“Look, there’s only so many people on this ship. Especially that Horns spends time with. Fort Max?”
“Whirl! Even if you did guess, I would still say no. You know that, right?”
“So it is Fort Max?”
“No!”
Whirl tapped his foot impatiently as the elevator’s display slowly ticked towards the recreation deck. Cyclonus was doing that thing where he just… stared forwards. Nothing to read. Not even watching the display. And Whirl knew if he asked, Cyclonus would just say he was “thinking.”
Well. Thinking was boring.
“So Tailgate and me had a real interesting talk yesterday.”
He tilts his head towards Whirl and nods, “I heard. Thank you.”
Whirl squinted, “are you going to tell me what poor schmuck you two are targeting?”
Cyclonus shakes his head, “No.” He stays quiet for a minute and Whirl can almost hear the gears turning before he speaks again, “maybe you could meet with Tailgate and I this evening and we can explain?”
“Thank fuck. Building it up it better be juicy. Sparring now though, I haven’t beat your ass in nearly a week.”
With a noncommittal hum, Cyclonus steps off the elevator.
Half way to the gymnasium Whirl starts up again, he may be getting the answer soon. But that wasn’t now. “Can’t believe you two are managing to be so direct about this shit.”
Cyclonus didn’t face him when he responded, “comparatively.”