Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Augh!” 

Jisung slams Minha's bedroom door open, which causes the latter to look up from where she was sprawled on the floor. She had been bored and doing sit ups while contemplating what she wanted to have for dinner—but that's clearly over now that Jisung has interrupted her train of thought.

Bulgogi burger, Minha mentally notes as her final craving, before sitting up and giving the younger girl a questioning look.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, calm and deadpan in tone; her side bangs curtain over one of her eyes and she has to push it away as she follows the younger girl with her gaze.

Immediately, Jisung's countenance loosens and her shoulders visibly relax before she parks herself at the edge of Minha's bed.

“Just got back from a meeting with management,” she explains, and instantly Minha notices the way she brings one of her thumbs up to her mouth, nipping at the edge of her nail. It's a habit that Jisung has long been trying to quit; Minha is aware that these days it only manifests whenever her anxiety is spiking, and never in public or when there are cameras watching.

“Hey.” Minha immediately pushes herself off the floor and sits on the bed next to Jisung. Without a word, she pulls Jisung's hand away from her mouth, and she clasps their fingers together. “What happened at the meeting?”

Jisung gives her a grateful look, same as she always does whenever Minha helps her shake off the physical manifestations of her anxiety.

“They want to mess with ‘Maniac’,” Jisung explains, referring to the song that she and the rest of 3RACHA have been working on; the one that's supposed to be their next title track. “They want to break it down, and have someone else put it back together after they pick out parts they deem good enough. I know we created the song partly with Frankenstein's monster in mind, but that doesn't mean we want the song to be some kind of Frankenstein's monster itself.”

Her voice keeps going up a pitch with every other word, so Minha squeezes her hand and once again Jisung relaxes; she exhales shakily and flashes a tired smile instead.

“Wait—” Minha's forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Why would they want to do that?”

3RACHA have always been given free reign with the music that they produce for Stray Kids, which is not something that a lot of female idols are allowed to do from the get go. Every so often, management would bring along an in-house producer to help them polish the composition and the arrangement, but at four years into their career Chae, Changae and Jisung—collectively known as 3RACHA from predebut—have been doing most of the heavy lifting. The group itself had been created with a specific concept in mind—the concept being that they are self-producing idols. A big part of their appeal is that they write their own lyrics and compose their own sound; it makes fans feel like they're supporting idols that are more competent than the norm—that they are supporting girls with their own agency, not entirely beholden to a company's whims. It's a bunch of bull, of course—they aren't even the first girl group in the company to have self-produced tracks. The Wonder Girls did it long before, and even Miss A and TWICE have had member contributions to their respective discographies. But at least JYP Entertainment really did allow them mostly free rein over the group's musical direction, right from the start. It didn't matter if they were sometimes accused of having noisy pots and pans music not befitting of a girl group, the appeal is in the simple fact that they are mainly self-produced. 

At least it was, so for management to suggest more meddling than usual is definitely noteworthy. Things seem to be changing if what Jisung is saying is true—and it's not as if she has reason to lie.

But Minha doesn't get it; she's heard Maniac and it has the group's trademark sound. 

“Who do they want to redo the song?” she asks carefully.

“No one in-house,” Jisung grumbles, and it makes a bit more sense why she's so frustrated. The producers on the company's payroll are ones that 3RACHA have often worked with; they already know 3RACHA's style and Stray Kids' sound. “They wanna send it to some producer in Europe. Someone who has done a few songs with TWICE before.”

That confuses Minha even more. As catchy as TWICE's music is, their sound is so far removed from Stray Kids. In fact, Stray Kids was partly conceptualized as the anti- TWICE; they were meant to aim for completely opposite demographics.

 “Why?”

Jisung shrugs. “I think they want to try and make it more palatable to the general public. That's what I gathered from what they were saying.”

“Oh.” Minha blinks; she thinks that does kind of make sense.

For a girl group that hails from JYP Entertainment, they have very low, almost negligent, public relevance. In part it's because the timing of their debut was bad, with the market already over saturated and Koreans experiencing KPOP fatigue, but also in part because the management tactics that JYP Entertainment decided to use on them were ones they usually applied to their male groups and not their girl groups. 

Instead of working on winning the public over, JYPE decided it was more important to have a strong fandom core, and instead of appealing to the domestic masses, they created content that focused on securing the love of an international audience. Unfortunately, the tactics hadn't decisively worked, and it left them with an ambiguous standing; they were doing fine internationally, pulling decent streaming numbers and physical album sales but at the end of the day, no matter the kind of marketing management tries with them, they're still girls in a girl group, and still incomparable to their boy group peers when it comes to their area of strength. To top it off, while their core fanbase seems to be solid at the moment, long-term loyalty to female groups remains an unknown factor, and unfortunately for them, the lack of love from the general public is unable to provide them any sort of cushion for that. 

“You know what I think?” Jisung huffs, blowing a stray lock of hair away from her eyes.

“Hmm?”

“I think if we were dudes, this wouldn't be happening,” Jisung declares.

Minha lifts an eyebrow. “Well if we were dudes, they wouldn't be expecting us to do well with the public,” she points out.

“Exactly.” Jisung shrugs. “If they wanted us to be a hit with the public then maybe they should have been letting us make more public friendly music from the get go.”

Minha chuckles. “Wouldn't that mean they would have been more controlling of our— your music from the get go?”

“Yeah, well, at least we would have known exactly what we were getting into.” Jisung scowls. “Instead of them letting us think we had actual authority, only for them to pull the rug out from under us after they arbitrarily decide it's actually important to get some domestic coin.”

Minha pauses; she's never really been good at doling out comforting words.

“I don't think singing about dismantling the system works for the public in general,” is what she ends up saying instead. “Especially coming from girls.”

“But that's what they told us to write about!” Jisung snorts. “I would have been perfectly willing to write about falling in love too if that's what they asked for.”

“You?” Minha snickers. “What do you know about falling in love?”

Jisung scoffs and elbows Minha's side, but she has no direct answer.

Minha chuckles softly. “That's what I thought,” she teases. She lets Jisung's hand go and instead puts her arm around the younger girl's shoulders. “Wanna go eat out with me?”

Immediately, Jisung lights up. “Can we go and get grilled gopchang? I'm craving.”

Minha hums, and quietly allows all thoughts of a juicy bulgogi burger to get away from her. “Gopchang it is, then.”

Minha didn't always dream of becoming an idol. She did discover an inclination towards dancing early on though, and that, coupled with a teenager's fascination with celebrity, had her going for auditions at various entertainment agencies—she even has an old clip from National Geographic to show for it.

I want to be a singer, she had told the documentary interviewer, shy but earnest. She was so, so young and to this day, her ears heat up when she remembers the video.

All those early auditions were fruitless though, and eventually she learned to focus on what she actually was passionate about, which was dancing.

She got into university through audition, borne from a year's worth of hard work perfecting an original choreography she created herself, and she also joined a mixed-gender dance crew whose aim was to win international competitions. She forgot all about her brief attempt at becoming an idol—at least until she got a long overdue call back from JYP Entertainment.

Initially, she had been skeptical about the offer; it was an offer to join as a trainee and trainees were never guaranteed anything solid. For all she knew, she could waste away for years in the trainee basement, years she couldn't afford to lose because 19 was quite a late age to start. Besides, she was enrolled in a good school with a great dance program, and she belonged to a reputable dance crew—that was a good future secured right there.

But it was JYP Entertainment. One of The Big 3, and according to everyone around her whose opinions she valued, surely that was something to at least consider—so consider, she did, and the next thing she knew, she was signing a trainee contract and being ushered and toured around the old JYP building in Cheongdam-dong.

She remembers vividly how she met the individual members of Stray Kids. Changae, for example, she met at the orientation for new trainees. At the time Minha had no idea that Changae had already been with the company for more than a year; she had assumed that everyone at the orientation was new, so she had approached the other girl, all sympathetic because she thought she looked just as overwhelmed as Minha felt. 

“Isn't it hard?” she had asked, and Changae had looked at her strangely before simply nodding and shuffling away without another word uttered. A week later, Minha felt embarrassed when she ran into Changae again and she had realized that she was a senior trainee, even if she was younger than Minha by a year.

She also remembers meeting Seungmin early on; they were both new and they naturally gravitated towards each other. It's funny because these days the joke is they were a lot closer after a week of meeting as trainees, than they are now after four years of being in Stray Kids together.

Hyunjin was fascinated with her from the start, asking about her experience in competitive dancing, and of course Chae, who was quick to praise her dancing after she sat in at one of Minha's first dance classes at the company.

Of course, sharpest and most vivid is her memory of her first meeting with Jisung. Cute and petite Han Jisung with her (at the time) faded pink pigtails that reminded Minha of Chibiusa from Sailor Moon. Jisung had been in trainee gear at the time, her bright lime green sports bra practically glowing underneath a sheer, oversized and sweat-soaked white shirt; on her feet were sneakers with platform soles so thick that they made Minha wonder how well she could dance in them.

Mostly, though, she remembers the way Jisung had glared at her so intensely that Minha almost felt like her eyes were burning a hole through her.

Seungmin was the one to introduce Minha; Jisung, on the other hand, had stammered through her own introduction. It was cute, and when Minha referred to her with a formal honorific, Jisung had muttered that they should drop all formalities. As someone who tends to take words at face value, Minha did as told, and from then on, despite the initial tension, she and Jisung have never had an awkward moment with each other.

(Much later, Jisung would tell Minha what she was thinking the first time they met.

“You were so beautiful unnie,” she whispered, only for the two of them to hear. They were squeezed in Minha's bed together, covered from prying eyes thanks to Minha's blackout curtain. 

It was New Year's Eve; all the 2000-born members just had their First Drink with the managers and the older members, and Jisung had decided that she wanted to sleep next to Minha. No one questioned it; Minha welcomed it.

“I was mad that you were so beautiful,” she clarified, her words slurred partly from the alcohol, and partly from being steeped in tiredness—the end of the year had been really busy for them, and in a lot of ways they were closing the year feeling bittersweet.

They had won a few rookie awards, but management hadn't been completely pleased because they'd had to share some with, and even lost out a few to, (G)-IDLE. It didn't help that they had overlapping images, both of them being self-produced groups with concepts erring on the side of girl crush.

But they all wanted to forget that; they all just wanted to get home and look forward to a new year, and a new start—and they all plastered bright smiles on their faces as Jisung, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Felicity had their first official taste of alcohol.

“You looked so quiet and demure… you were wearing a pink blouse and a khaki A-line skirt… and I thought you were a vocalist,” Jisung keeps mumbling, giggling even in her half asleep state. “I couldn't wait to hear you sing… but when I saw you dance… fucking beautiful.”

“It's bad that I'm beautiful?” Minha asked, stifling a giggle. Drunk and sleepy Jisung was adorable, she thought; more surprising that Jisung even remembered what she was wearing. She softened, and swept Jisung's bangs away from her face.

“No,” Jisung whispered, even as it was clear that she was slowly drifting off to dreamland. “Was just mad because no one should be that pretty. It made me want to never stop looking at you.”

“Tch.” Minha knew her face was warm, and probably a deep shade of red, but it was dark and Jisung had her eyes closed anyway. “Go to sleep,” she instructed gently. “You won't remember what you're talking about in the morning anyway.”)

“Ah, I'm so full.” Jisung huffs, one hand patting her stomach as she eyes the empty table spread in front of them. “Diet ruined,” she says dramatically.

Minha eyes her warily. “You're already skin and bones Jisungie,” she points out.

Jisung shrugs. “Either way, at least I feel a lot better now.” She beams, a wide smile splitting across her cheeks, and even though she's the one with a ruined diet, Minha feels good about herself too. The other girl always did have that kind of effect on her; in a way they're calming forces for each other.

“I really do have to start watching what I eat beginning tomorrow though,” Minha muses. With comeback prep about to start, she really couldn't slack on her own diet. Jisung has always been naturally petite and doesn't have the same problem Minha does, which is that she tends to blow up when she isn't careful. It was why she had been thinking so seriously about what to eat for dinner—it was a last hurrah thing. She didn't get to have the bulgogi burger she decided on because she took Jisung to their favorite gopchang restaurant instead, but she supposes it's worth it for the satisfied expression Jisung is wearing now. “Should we take the long route home so we don't feel too bad for eating so much?”

Jisung hums and Minha knows she's weighing their options. Jisung doesn't really enjoy moving around as much as Minha does, but a long walk would help a lot in burning all the calories they just consumed.

“The moon is big and bright tonight,” Minha presses gently. “And the weather is nice.”

“Okay,” Jisung finally agrees, still wearing a smile on her face as she nods. “You sold me on a walk.”

They pay for their meal and automatically clasp hands as they walk out of the restaurant. They keep close together, their steps in sync as they begin to leisurely stroll down the sidewalk.

“You know,” Jisung starts, her tone somewhat wistful, “eating with you always makes me feel better after. Like—whenever I feel stressed, I feel assured that a meal with you will make everything better.”

Minha lifts an eyebrow; she's unsure why Jisung is telling her this, even though the words do make her feel something kind of funny; something she can't really afford to acknowledge. “It's because good food fixes everything,” she says simply.

Jisung gives her a brief look, as if she's about to argue; eventually she only shrugs. “I guess you're right,” she agrees softly. “Do you want to come over?” she asks instead. “We can watch a movie in my room. Chae-unnie is at the studio and Changae is chaperoning Hyunjin again, so it's just me.”

Minha hesitates; there are reasons why she chose not to be in the same apartment as Jisung when they split in two dorms. One is that Chae asked her specifically to head Dorm 2, but she had agreed because of reasons of her own; ones that, just like the funny feeling from earlier, are better left unacknowledged.

“Can I pick the movie?” she answers, because in the end she still can't say no to Jisung. 

“I kinda wanted to watch Extreme Job but if you have anything else in mind?”

Never mind that they've both seen that movie at least a handful of times each, Minha doesn't have any other suggestions, so she agrees. “That's what I was gonna pick anyway,” she asserts, a little white lie that makes Jisung grin.

The younger playfully punches her tiny fist in the air as a tiny gesture of victory. “Awesome.”

A smile stretches across Minha's cheeks despite herself. “So,” she steers the conversation back a little, “Hyunjin's out to see her art student friends?”

Jisung shrugs. “That's what I'm assuming—unless she's out on a date and Ae-unnie is just covering for her.”

“I think Ae is the last person she'd ask to cover for her,” Minha muses.

Jisung wrinkles her nose. “What do you mean? Ae-unnie isn't a rat.”

Minha laughs. “I know, it's just—” she shakes her head; shakes off the memory of having witnessed something between their fellow members that she never should have. “Nothing, I guess. Ae is actually very good at keeping secrets. But it's nice that Hyunjin has people she can talk with about her art.”

The previous year, Hyunjin had needed to go on a hiatus because of controversies surrounding her past actions from even before she had gotten into JYP Entertainment. It had been a tough time for the entire group, but at least the seven of them that were left had each other for immediate support, not to mention packed schedules that they were able to throw themselves at. Hyunjin, meanwhile, had to work on herself alone, and had to go back home to her parents in an act of self reflection. Minha later learned from Changae that Hyunjin's way of coping had been to study art and painting, a hobby that she barely had time before, but had become her only safe activity and source of comfort. During her time away from Stray Kids, she had met a group of art students who welcomed her into their fold; they didn't care that she was an idol—in fact, according to Hyunjin, she isn't even sure if they had ever heard of Stray Kids prior to meeting her. They bonded through art, and even after Hyunjin's hiatus ended, she was determined to keep working on her art, and was even more persistent about continuing to make time for her artist friends. As someone who still holds her own non-celebrity friends very dearly, always going to see them every time she is able to, Minha understands Hyunjin on that front.

“She's lucky,” Jisung murmurs in agreement. “Sometimes I wish I was like her, still making friends outside of this life. All I have are the members.”

Minha frowns and tightens her hold on Jisung's hand. “We're not enough?”

Jisung laughs. “It's not like that, unnie! Of course you are, it's just—sometimes I envy Hyunjin. She can escape to her art, and it has nothing to do with the life we lead. She has her art friends, and they can talk about that and they don't care about her as Stray Kids' Hyunjin. To them, she's just Hwang Hyunjin, a budding artist.” She throws Minha a wistful glance. “You have something like that too, unnie. You have your friends in Gimpo, friends who don't care about Stray Kids’ Rina because they have known Lee Minha for longer. But me? I only know my music and all the friends I do have are ones I made either as a JYP trainee or a Stray Kids member. Do you understand what I mean?”

Minha nods quietly; she supposes she gets what Jisung means even though she doesn't necessarily relate.

“But—” Jisung beams at her as she continues without waiting for Minha to say anything, “—don't worry about it unnie.” This time she's the one who squeezes Minhas hand. “Without Stray Kids, I wouldn't have met you, so I wouldn't trade any of it.”

Minha laughs and shakes her head at the cheesy yet surprisingly earnest line. It reminds her of how Jisung was in the very early days of their friendship, always clinging to her, with her heart on her sleeve, an open book ready for Minha to read. The early days when Jisung always wanted to impress her, and let her know in various ways how much she valued Minha. She had chipped at Minha's natural guard this way, seemingly little by little when in reality she had kept hitting all the critical points, until one day, without warning and in record time, all of Minha's walls had simply fallen.

Jisung has mostly grown out of that behavior these days. If anything the tables have turned; Jisung has learned how to erect walls around her heart. And even though Minha is still welcome there in a way others aren't, Jisung doesn't wear all her emotions on her sleeve anymore and it's disarming. Especially since now it's usually Minha who feels like she's always reaching out for Jisung, following her orbit, making sure that they're still riding the same wavelength; that they still understand each other best. So she appreciates nights like this, when that old Jisung makes an appearance, reminding Minha that no matter what, Jisung is two years younger and there will always be comfort and wisdom that Minha can offer her.

“Let's drop by the convenience store,” Minha announces. “Get some drinks and snacks. I bet the fridge at your dorm only has energy drinks and Changae's protein shakes.” 

Jisung laughs. “That's the fridge in the kitchen. I have chocolates and candies and cola in the mini fridge in my room.”

Minha rolls her eyes. “I was thinking of something more on the healthy side like… fruits,” she says. “I really do have to start thinking of my diet.”

“You can start tomorrow unnie,” Jisung pleads, eyes wide as she makes a show of batting them at Minha—who immediately figures that the trouble of pushing the resumption of her diet for a few more hours is nothing compared to seeing more of the relaxed smile Jisung is wearing now.

“Fine,” Minha gives in with a chuckle. “Tonight, let's just be a pair of normal girls on a sleepover.”

It comes as a surprise when management decides that they want a school girl concept for Stray Kids' next comeback. 

More specifically, they want Stray Kids to have dual title tracks—‘Maniac’ and another song called ‘Charmer,’ both of which have been butchered beyond recognition, if Jisung is to be believed. 

For Charmer, they want to test a sexy snake-inspired concept, which makes a bit of sense at least. But for Maniac they want to mix 3RACHA's original theme concept of Frankenstein's monster with school girls— Frankenstein's school girls, is how the marketing executive puts it and Minha wants to laugh as soon as she hears the pitch. Frankenstein, but cute —it completely misses the original point 3RACHA wanted to make.

She isn't against more feminine concepts per se, but to wear a high school uniform again more than five years after she graduated? It's a bit ridiculous. Even their maknae has been out of high school for a couple of years now, so she doesn't understand this weird direction that JYP Entertainment suddenly wants them to pivot to.

“It's to show that Stray Kids isn't a one trick pony,” the staff in charge of the concept presentation tries to explain, which makes the members give each other quiet looks—none of them realized they were looked upon as such.

The concept managers also try to make an example out of the Wonder Girls, mentioning how the concept shift to a girl band had worked for them—while completely shoving aside the fact that that had been a necessary shift brought on by a long hiatus and a line-up shake up. Not to mention a move forward, compared to the regression a school girl concept would be.

There's also more crap about how the pandemic had garnered them more international fans, and how the goal now is to showcase how versatile they can be—but clearly none of that explains why they have to dress as high school students. That's what Minha thinks anyway, but she keeps mum. She never really talks in these concept meetings; the only times she allows herself to make suggestions is when they're doing choreography and formations in the practice room, and even then she tends to adhere to the professional choreographers the company hires for them. Minha is a professional idol and she knows her lane.

“What did you think?” she asks Changae later on, when it's just the two of them. Jisung had gone with Chae to work on something together at the studio while the rest of the members had headed back home. Meanwhile, Changae wanted to work out at the gym, and Minha chose to go with her because she has a pilates session in around an hour.

“I think a lot of things,” Changae snarks. “Contrary to popular belief, my brain functions just fine.”

Minha glares at her and Changae laughs. “You know what I mean,” Minha tells her. “What do you think about the double concept thing?”

Changae shrugs. “Maybe it'll work. Isn't that what Red Velvet do? Blackpink as well, and they're both top of the game girl groups.”

Minha hums. “Yeah, but—do you think we can pull both concepts off? Both are a lot more… feminine.”

Changae doesn't answer immediately; they both know what Minha really means—does Changae think she can pull it off?

Within the group, Hyunjin and Felix, who have the most male fans among the group, are often dressed the most feminine when they're on stage. Hyunjin especially, is always put in tiny skirts and dresses that show off her long legs. Felix, on the other hand, is always put in outfits that show off her belly button. Minha has always been clear with stylists about how much skin she is willing (rather, unwilling) to show off, and stylists have always been kind enough to make concessions, always putting her in feminine yet more demure and elegant attires.

Right from debut, Changae has always been given the most butch styling out of all the members, only shorts and pants on stage, and almost always in the darker or neutral shades of the color palette they're working with. Sometimes Jisung gets the same treatment when it comes to stage clothes, but off-stage, Jisung loves to wear loud and bright and cute skirts and dresses. Meanwhile, to this day, Changae continues to abide by management's ‘strong suggestion’ not to grow her hair out past her chin, and her airport and commute fashion consists of jeans and shirts and boots in a monochrome palette.

Changae exhales shakily. “Can I be honest with you, unnie?”

Minha looks at her curiously. “No,” she deadpans.

Changae whistles. “Fine,” she grumbles. “Never mind.”

Minha blinks, realizing that Changae was being sincere in wanting to share something and she feels bad for playing around. She nudges the younger girl. “Ae-yah,” she says softly, “of course you can be honest. What's on your mind?”

“Never mind,” Changae answers, jaw still set tightly.

“No, really,” Minha prods gently, tugging at Changae's shirt sleeve.

Changae sighs and looks up, meeting Minha's gaze. Her expression relaxes. “The truth is that I'm kind of looking forward to it,” she mumbles.

Minha's eyes grow wide with genuine surprise. “To dressing like a schoolgirl?”

“Well, no, not that exactly.” Changae winces. “I guess you can say that I'm a little relieved to be getting a more feminine concept across the board. Me included.”

“Oh.” Minha studies her. “I thought… Honestly, I thought you preferred the image they gave you. You—even your personal style is mostly jeans and sweats.” She laughs nervously; she was never shy about her own styling boundaries and before just now, she assumed the rest of the group was as straightforward.

Then again, Changae has always been a complete team player. Even though Chae leads them, Changae is the base that holds the group steadfast. If something is needed for the good of the group, Changae would do it without a word from anyone else, which is usually what gets everyone to follow, grudgingly or not. Minha remembers a time, around two years after their debut, she had heard Changae in a bathroom at one of the broadcast station, retching and heaving and obviously throwing up. Minha had asked if she was alright and Changae had assured her that yes she was, she just happened to eat bad clams. Minha doesn't remember having seafood that day, or the day before, but she let it be anyway because to her, Changae had always been the strongest.

“I kinda just gave up,” Changae admits, chuckling bitterly. “They wanted me to present myself a certain way so—” she shrugs. And then she smiles ruefully. “Unnie, sometimes I forget you didn't really join us until right before the survival show. I was really into fashion back then, actually. I loved wearing skirts and heels as much as the next girl.”

Minha laughs. “I'm the next girl and I prefer jeans, actually,” she remarks. “But now that you mention it, I do kind of remember Hyunjin saying something about how you used to influence her fashion the most,” she murmurs. “She said you were always someone whose fashion advice she took very seriously.”

Changae laughs along. “She used to copy me, is more like it. Do you know that I got her her first pair of heels?”

“That's…” Minha wracks her thoughts for an appropriate word. “Cute.”  

Changae still has that wistful expression, but the smile finally reaches her eyes upon mention of Hyunjin. It makes Minha want to pry, but she also knows she wouldn't appreciate it if the roles were flipped and Changae was to suddenly ask about— well .  

“You should dress cutely,” she says instead. “Skirts and dresses and the like. If that's what you want. Schoolgirl concept aside—because I think we can all agree we're too old for that shit.”

Changbin laughs. “Yeah but maybe it'll be a step towards more feminine concepts in the future. Maybe management is right, it's time to show we can do anything. That we can do more than a girl group trying to be a boy group.”

Minha purses her lips. “Do you think they'd be trying this with us at this point if we were a boy group?”

Changae lets out a laugh. A full-on, reaped from the belly kind of laugh; as if Minha just cracked the funniest joke. “Of course not. If we were guys we'd be where they expect us to be now—that is, with a loyal fanbase and no public recognition. They're only trying so hard to get different results for us because the company's pride is being challenged by having a girl group consistently do so poorly on the digital charts.”

Minha hums softly. “That's what Jisung and I were talking about too.”

Changae shrugs. “It's the truth.”

“Yeah. I suppose.” Minha purses her lips before sighing in frustration. “Maybe Chae-unnie can talk to them,” she suggests warily. “If we're gonna end up singing and dancing to the bastardized version of songs you worked so hard on, at the very least maybe she can make them see that no one's gonna buy us as school girls anymore.”

“Maybe.”

“You should talk to her about it,” Minha encourages her. 

“I don't know—” Changae cringes.

“I think you need to be more honest, Ae-yah. You need to be more vocal with what you want. At least tell Chae-unnie what you really think, and what you actually want. You don't hold back when you produce us during recording, do you?”

“That's different,” Changae argues. “This time the directions are coming from management themselves.”

“Eh. If Chae-unnie hears from you she'll do something I'm sure of it.” Minha knows that Chae tends to kowtow easily as soon as management speaks up because she thinks she has no choice; Changae is obviously the same. But Minha has a feeling that also means management will be more likely to consider requests from Chae once she actually stands up for something.

“Why don't you say something?”

Minha laughs. “Because I know I'll still rock that pleated skirt,” she jokes. After a beat, she shrugs. “Unnie listens to you the most, and management listens to unnie the most,” she points out.

Changae bites down her bottom lip, seemingly considering the suggestion.

“I'll go to unnie with you if that'll help.” Minha hums. “Girl power in numbers or something.” Jisung and her complaints from the other night are still running through her thoughts, so she wants to try and do something— say something—for once. “You know, they keep marketing us as a group that does things independently, but we've always followed what management asks of us. It's time we push back, even if just a little.”

Changae's smile is faint, but Minha can tell she's in agreement with what Minha is saying.

“Maybe,” she accepts. “Yeah, okay. We should talk to unnie.”

Their mini game plan works, kind of. They go to Chae with the barest of concerns, and Chae actually gets management to listen and come to a compromise of sorts.

They end up still having to wear schoolgirl uniforms for one scene in the Maniac music video but otherwise Chae was able to convince the concept managers that a more mature styling would be beneficial overall; that no one was going to buy them as schoolgirls five years into their career, especially since even Jeongin looks very womanly these days.

Of course, all that just meant stylists switched from making them wear pleated plaid skirts to pleated tennis skirts. Despite Maniac not being the sexy song with the sexy concept that Charmer is, they're still made to perform it with hemlines cut so short that their safeties peek out every time they turn.

It's on the first day of their comeback that Minha catches Changae admiring herself in the mirror. She seems to be in awe of herself, and a smile shyly tugs at the corners of her lips. Minha is overcome with the urge to go over and give her a compliment; to tell her how beautiful she looks with her braided hair extensions, but before she can make a single step towards Changae, Hyunjin beats her to it.

“Unnie, you look super pretty,” she says as she drapes herself  across Changae's back, the latter looking flustered for it.

Minha decides it's probably better coming from Hyunjin; not only is she the group's official visual, she's Hyunjin , and her words always mean the most to Changae. Besides, Minha would have probably come off as insincere; that seems to always be the case whenever she tries, even when she's actually being genuine.

“A pretty piggy!” Jisung interjects, lovingly but also obnoxiously. Minha can't help herself, she laughs along initially, but then Changae's expression contorts into a scowl, and Minha immediately feels bad.

“Come here,” she calls Jisung;  to make up for her own teasing, she clasps a hand over the younger girl's big mouth. “Leave our pretty dwaekki alone, you little rat.”

“That's little quokka to you,” Jisung corrects her petulantly after biting her palm and getting Minha to let go. “And—I love you Ae-unnie!” She turns to make finger hearts at Changae, who ultimately couldn't resist the younger girl's natural cuteness, only rolling her eyes while clearly holding back a smile.

Minha shakes her head in feigned exasperation and gently smacks her ass before she pulls Jisung down on the couch with her. “Can you just. Sit down and relax,” she instructs the latter. “Leave Ae alone.”

Jisung gives her an incredulous look; probably because they're usually a tag team when it comes to teasing Changae. “What crawled up your butt today?”

“You should be nicer to Changae,” she says simply.

Jisung gawks at her. “I'm not being nice?”

Minha chuckles and shakes her head. “You are, but—let's cut her some slack for now.” She nods her head towards Changae and Hyunjin who are whispering to each other now, clearly having already moved on from Jisung's empty teasing. “She looks pretty today, don't you think?

Jisung blinks; and then she glances Changae's way as well before looking at Minha again. “Of course she does. Ae-unnie is always pretty.” Jisung beams; she also sounds more sincere than Minha thinks she ever could pull off. “All the members are. But it's no fun if we just tell each other that all the time!”

Minha cackles and flicks Jisung's forehead. “Okay, then. If that's the case, I have to tell you that you look like a slug today, jagiya.”

Jisung laughs at that, even as she rubs her forehead. “If my forehead starts glowing red and the makeup unnie scolds me, I'm blaming you.”

Minha scoffs fondly, and with a triumphant grin Jisung curls up into herself. She leans her head against Minha's shoulders and the two of them eventually fall into silence, both of them busy on their own phones.

Minha is absentmindedly looking up thought pieces on the latest update of one of her favorite webtoons when a message notification comes in. Upon seeing who it's from, she simply swipes it off the screen.

“You and Juyeon-ssi still keep in touch?” Jisung suddenly asks, and Minha fights back the urge to groan because the reason she had immediately dismissed the notification was because she didn't want Jisung to see it.

“Yeah,” Minha mutters. “They're promoting too, so—” she shrugs. “Their waiting room is somewhere down the hall or something.”

“Oh.” Jisung exhales. When Minha glances sideways at her, she notices the anxious way she's chewing on her bottom lip. “You two are back together?”

“No, of course not.”

“But he wants to?”

Minha winces. “I can't speak for what Juyeon wants or doesn't want.”

“So he does want to,” Jisung confirms.

Minha shrugs. Deny as she might, she knows how her ex flirts and he's definitely been trying. “We broke up for a reason.”

“The reason being Hyunggu-oppa?” Jisung teases.

Minha makes a face. “No, what the fuck? Jisungie, you know that wasn't it at all.”

The truth is Minha has dated a lot here and there, even during the time when the group was supposed to be under an official dating ban. She had learned early on that nobody really took said ban seriously, everyone just knew to be careful with their interactions with other idols, especially with groups of the opposite sex. Various male idols, both seniors and juniors, didn't refrain from trying to slip her their contact details through common friends—usually stylists or background dancers—and even occasionally by means of the infamous Inkigayo sandwich.

With Juyeon, that hadn't been the case. Having debuted only a few months apart, The Boyz and Stray Kids often had overlapping promotional periods right from the start of their careers, and they often attended the same events. It was during a filming for ISAC when they had ran into each other at a vending machine, and Minha inadvertently made him laugh with a silly quip she made after the machine gave them both the wrong drinks. They were born the same year, so conversation was easy; afterwards Juyeon had asked for her number directly, and late night friendly texting eventually made way for late night flirtatious texting. They were in what people called a ‘some’ for several months, and in an official relationship for two, before the flirtation became stale; it was always Juyeon asking Minha for her time, yet always Minha making him laugh. With such a dynamic, she ultimately found herself simply bored and feeling apologetic as she broke things off with him.

It was shortly after that when Hyunggu, also known as Pentagon's Kino, had slipped her his contact details through Chae, who knew him from when they were still trainees under the same agency. Minha was initially wary, but Chae vouched for his character, so Minha cautiously started messaging him. They hit it off pretty well at first, the two of them talking about what they perceived were common interests like dancing, and even Minha's cats. But as they continued talking, their commonalities remained at a shallow level; Kino engaged with life in a very abstract manner, while Minha liked things to be simple and straightforward. In the end, he was the one to break things off—he said something about wanting to take his job as an idol seriously, but Minha heard otherwise from the grapevine. Rumors had spread that he didn't find Minha stimulating enough, and that he was tired of her not really making time for him. Frankly, as bad as Minha felt hearing those things about herself, they were things she couldn't really deny either.

The conclusion she has recently come to is that it's not easy dating as an idol; it's easier to stay at home and stick to her members; easier to take Jisung out when she needs fresh air. Easier to crawl into Jisung's bed when she needs to cuddle for warmth, at that—Jisung smells a whole lot better than any man she's ever dated anyway, idol or otherwise.

“Unnie,” Jisung whispers suddenly, her voice sticky sweet directly against Minha's ear.

“Don't do that!” Minha berates her, albeit fondly. 

Jisung giggles. “Unnie, I have a secret.”

“Hm?” Minha locks her phone and puts her entire focus on Jisung. “What is it?”

“You know how Sunwoo gave me his number a while back?”

“Kim Sunwoo? The Boyz—?”

Jisung nods.

“I thought you threw his number away? Told me you weren't interested.” Minha's brow furrows as she processes what Jisung is saying.

“I wasn't. But we started texting anyway—I think he got a hold of my number.” She giggles softly. “At first we talked mostly about music and music production—like, we exchanged a few tracks we've been working on?”

“Oh?” Minha bites the inside of her cheek; she's trying not to be jealous. Even with her, Jisung doesn't always share unfinished tracks. The only ones with that privilege are Chae and Changae, and Minha has accepted that. A new person being added to that privileged list, a boy at that—Minha tries not to dwell on it. 

“Mhm!” Jisung smiles. “He's been very helpful. We also talk a lot about anime—like once we spent until the morning just chatting about anime we grew up on, everything from Doraemon to Haikyuu!”

“That's cute,” Minha coos because she doesn't really know what else to say.

“I think he's been flirting though,” Jisung admits in a whisper. “I think I have been, too?”

“You think?” Minha lifts an eyebrow.

Jisung laughs— giggles, more like. “You know I'm not good at that kind of thing, unnie! But—he's been very complimentary, and I kinda just mirror the comments sometimes. Sometimes we talk about going out—and obviously it's all hypothetical but it's possible right?” She looks at Minha with big, bright, hopeful eyes. “Maybe we could go on a group date. You, me, Sunwoo, Juyeon-ssi… if there's more of us, then we could be each other's cushion. It'd look more like a friendly hang.”

Minha cringes. “No, it would look like the double date it is,” she says flatly. “Besides, I don't want to date Juyeon again.”

“Ah.” Jisung nods slowly. “Would it be better if it's just you, then? Like—the way Ae-unnie goes to drive Hyunjinnie when she meets her art friends. Or the way Chae-unnie was the buffer for some of the dates you and Hyunggu-oppa had.”

Something ugly swirls in Minha's stomach and she can't help the frown that forms on her face. “Jisungie, you have to understand… Do you even know how much harder dating is for us girls? If we get exposed, we're the whores, the slags. We lose fans and we're known as so and so's ex for a long time, probably even after they get a dozen more exes after us. We get ruined in a way the guy never does.”

Jisung frowns. “What are you saying? That I shouldn't date, then?”

Minha shrugs. “I'm just saying. One moment of getting spotted by the wrong person and next thing you know you're on that Sojang channel with out of context clips put together in a video, with comments calling you a boy-crazy whore. Meanwhile no one will be talking about whoever you were spotted with.”

Jisung straightens up, completely leaning away from Minha. Even without looking at her, Minha can tell she's annoyed. “Unnie, that's not fair. I've been very good for four years. I've never dated, unlike you. So why are you acting like I shouldn't even try and enjoy this?”

Minha sighs, and reaches for Jisung's hand. She's being unreasonable and she knows it. “Sorry. Just… I'm trying to look out for you,” she explains as she threads their fingers together. “I know I've dated a lot and… that's why—that's how I know what I'm saying is true. It's tiring, and not really worth the effort. And even if you're with someone, you constantly have to be careful so there isn't really much you can do with the other person anyway.” She takes a deep breath. “But… if you really, truly like Sunwoo…” she trails off; her chest feels tight for some reason, but she manages a small smile. “I mean—it's your decision,” she forces out, half mumbling.

Jisung visibly relaxes and leans against Minha once again. “To be honest I don't know how much I like him.” She shrugs. “Or even if I like like him. It's silly, I'm 21 and I know nothing about dating, or having feelings beyond silly crushes. But—me and Sunwoo, we text a lot and we watch all the same anime and it's fun nerding out with him. I don't know though…”

Minha hums; drops her voice into a conspiratorial whisper. “Well, do you ever think about kissing him?”

Jisung gasps and bursts into a fit of giggles. “Unnie!”

Minha laughs and puckers her lips, making kissy noises at the younger girl, who half groans and half keeps laughing.

“Unnie, stop!” Jisung squeals when Minha moves her face closer.

Minha teeters, but she does pull away.  “If you want kisses I'll give you kisses,” she declares, grabbing Jisung's face and placing a loud snack on her soft round cheek. She's not really the fondest of skinship, but something about Jisung always makes her unable to resist. When it comes to Han Jisung, she can't help but think how it's nice to be a girl—no one thinks twice when she gives Jisung affection, never mind that it's not really something she gives as freely to the rest of the members. 

“Ew.” Jeongin comments as she passes by them. “Get a room.”

Jisung laughs and pulls away from Minha; instead she lunges forward to throw herself at the maknae, puckering her lips and threatening to land one on the maknae just as Minha had with her.

Jeongin makes faces and glares at Minha as if to say, ‘this is your fault right here!’ but Minha only laughs, shrugging as she washes her hands of Jeongin's current turmoil.

Minha has always been very protective of Jisung; in a way, despite being two years apart, both of them have always looked out for one another.

When they first met, Minha had been so green as a trainee. Her normal level of confidence had shrunk; everyone else in JYP Entertainment seemed so pretty and so talented, and her years of experience dancing felt lacking. It didn't matter that she got through the strict process, same as everyone else, Minha felt like she had so much catching up to do and she didn't know where to start.

And then there was Jisung, who was younger than her by two years and then some—but who also had almost as many years on her as a trainee. She was an all-rounder, a true ace who was not only good at singing and dancing, she spit out bars like fire and she crafted and produced songs that got praised by everyone who heard them. She was also witty and funny, and knew how to keep an audience captive. 3RACHA was a group on the verge of debuting—this had been one of the most persistent rumors when Minha first got accepted to the company, and it was believable because all three members were always the best ones during monthly evaluations.

But Jisung, especially, was easy to get along with—the easiest, in Minha's opinion—and when it came to skill, Minha felt so far away from Jisung. Even after Minha was chosen to be in Chae's group, chosen to be part of the next possible debut group undergoing a pick and choose survival show like Sixteen was for TWICE, Minha wouldn't dare dream of debuting with Jisung, who had already been ripe for the stage and beyond even before Minha entered her life.

But then Jisung held her hand; without prompting, Jisung had clasped her hand, thumb pressing and tapping against Minha's palm to help time the beat when Park Jinyoung had made her rap on the fly. She hated how she sounded to her own ears, but with Jisung's support she somehow managed not to completely chew her words up.

Jisung was also the first to hug her when she was initially eliminated from the show; the first one to smile so brightly and welcome her when she came back; the first to cry tears of joy when it was miraculously announced they would actually debut together.

Sweet Han Jisung, younger than her by two years, had helped her find steady footing during the shakiest moments of her life, and in return Minha decided Jisung deserved the same courtesy—no, privilege. She might not have the inherent talent and skills honed from years of training that Jisung has, but she has two years worth of actual life experience that Jisung did not have, and that was something she could give back.

Quietly, she decided to stand with Jisung whenever—if ever—the younger needed her. 

Less than two years into their tenure as Stray Kids, Jisung had gotten herself an obsessive solo fan. It had already been a tumultuous period in their career, what with them having abruptly lost Woohee, their main vocalist; having just lost the number nine and all that it symbolized. The group had been in the middle of trying to pick up the broken pieces of their group, when Jisung's scary fan had made his presence known.

It started at a fan meeting, the guy simply heckling the other members while he shouted adulation for Jisung; crying for Jisung to marry him and even presenting a pretty sapphire ring—thoughtful in that it was Jisung's birthstone, but far too much that it had to be rejected by one of the managers—during a fan sign. But then it escalated, with the man following them to all their schedules, and one day he had  even managed to get into their building. They had arrived home from schedule once and found him waiting on their couch like it was the most normal thing—when it was the complete opposite.

Jisung had been extremely shaken to the point that she had panic attacks— plural. She had eventually needed to go on a semi-hiatus, only appearing at events that had very controlled security, and Minha had been shaken because it was the first time she realized how fragile Jisung could really be.

It was also the first time that Minha's resolve had been tested; Jisung hated showing people this side of her that was weak. Initially, she tried hiding her anxiety attacks from Chae and Minha, and when Minha realized how bad it had gotten, she and Changae, initially the only witness to these moments, had gotten in a screaming match over it after it got worse and Jisung's secret finally came out in the form of an anxiety attack in front of the whole group, and even the managers.

“Jisung made me promise!” was Changae's excuse. “She told me not to tell!”

“Well I— we can't help her if we don't know!” had been Minha's argument. “We're a fucking group, we shouldn't keep secrets like this!”

And it was hypocritical because Minha had secrets of her own; everyone did. But she had been so scared when she saw Jisung breaking down in front of her; even moreso when she realized it wasn't the first time it had happened, and likely wouldn't be the last.

“From now on, trust me,” Minha had told Jisung afterwards; she had slipped into the younger's bed in the middle of the night and held her in her arms. Jisung had cried to her then, with no further explanation.

Come the morning after, in turn, Jisung told Minha, “Thank you,” plain and simple, and that had been that.

Maniac gets one cable win from M! Countdown, and one public broadcast win from Music Core. Considering how a sub-group of STAYs had started a campaign to boycott the comeback as a form of protest against the drastically lessened participation of 3RACHA in the album, it's more than Minha thought they would get.

Unfortunately, it's still less than what management hoped—no, expected for them to achieve. They had tried courting the domestic masses by trying to twist Stray Kids' sound into something with a more public friendly appeal but the results have ended up being ambiguous at best. Then again, their previous album, NOEASY, which had a very heavy 3RACHA touch, had gotten no wins at all despite being critically acclaimed by some foreign magazines.

Minha is starting to think that maybe they should have named themselves something better because calling them strays is starting to reflect their place in the entertainment industry—that is, straying, lost, uncertain.

Nevertheless, despite the vague (strayed, lost) results of management's experiment, money remains key. While not quite ready to give up chasing domestic acclaim, Stray Kids' core fanbase and overseas appeal were still enough for management to arrange a global tour for them. The venues are small theaters, a far cry from the arenas their male counterparts are booking, but it's still a tour. It's more than a lot of idol groups get, especially girl groups from smaller companies.

“It'll be more intimate,” Chae reasons with the group—not that any of them expected otherwise. Minha has a feeling the words were to placate Chae's own disappointment more than anything else.

Still, it's not a very comforting consolation considering intimate venues remind them all of Jisung's stalker fan from the past, but they all grin and bear it. They follow the plans that management lays out for them like the good girls they are; they rehearse, day after day, focused on memorizing choreography and positions, all while doing their best to stay healthy.

The real problem is that rumors spread easily and all of the members have ears. None of them talk about the most recent, most persistent rumor going around, but it lingers in the air, enough of a silent distraction for each and everyone of them.

Minha, for the most part, doesn't care about gossip. Whether or not the whispers she's been hearing are true isn't pertinent to her—but they seem to be for the others; for Jisung, especially The younger girl gets more and more quiet, all while insisting on more overtime at her studio. The dark circles under her eyes grow darker, and she begins to seek more and more quiet, yet antsy, moments with Minha, who is all too aware that these are signs that Jisung's anxiety is slowly starting to spike.

So she follows the same advice she'd given Changae early on; she goes to talk to Chae.

“Unnie,” she calls quietly, entering Chae's studio without so much as a knock. She knows the leader is there because she's always there.

“Minha.” Chae looks surprised when she turns in her swivel chair and she finds Minha hovering by the door; understandable since Minha doesn't really often visit. “What's going on?”

“You busy?

“I've got time.”

Minha thinks she's not being entirely truthful, but she also doesn't really go to Chae a lot for advice so if the leader is going to make time for her the one time she does, she isn't about to turn it down.

“Is it true?” Minha asks, walking further into the room and sitting down on the couch.

“Is what true?” Chae initially looks confused, but when Minha gives her a pointed look, the older woman immediately understands what she's getting at. “Oh. Yeah. I mean—” she shrugs. “It shouldn't be a surprise, no? It's been four years for us, and the TWICE unnies are up for contract negotiations. It's high time they debut a new girl group.”

Minha exhales; she supposes she had been just looking for confirmation because she had figured all of that already. The company already debuted two male groups during the length of Stray Kids' career—a typical performance strong boy group that's now leading the current idol generation in ITZY, and an instrument playing band that they're hoping can replace Day6 in Xdinary Heroes. If anything, maybe she had been hoping that management would continue to focus on promoting the male groups for a while more; but she also knows that's mostly wishful thinking. ITZY and XH have different demographics from the company's upcoming girl group, for sure.

“Do you know what division is going to be handling the new group?”

Chae lifts a questioning eyebrow. “Are you worried about the new group Minha?”

“Aren't you?”

Chae shrugs. “Hey, I asked first. It's not like you to care so much.”

Minha sighs because Chae is mostly right. “I don't,” she admits. “We're our own group, even though management doesn't seem to know what to do with us these days. But—” she purses her lips, “—Jisungie.”

“Jisungie?”

“She seems to be thinking about it a lot.”

“Ah.” Chae meets her gaze, frowning. “I did kind of notice that she's been distracted recently. I didn't think it had something to do with this, though. You know she still tries her best to be her usual lively self when it's all of us together, and we both know how she could be. She'd rather work on herself on her own and I didn't want to step in if she's handling herself. But… Do you want me to talk to her?”

“No—” Minha immediately shakes her head. Chae is right; Jisung doesn't really act differently when she's with the other members, but at least she's been very open with her, by her action if not with words. If she thinks that Minha has talked behind her back; has facilitated Chae stepping into her business she would hate it. “I'll—I can do that.”

Chae nods; relaxes again like she knows she can trust Minha to deal with Jisung if really needed. “Tell her she has nothing to worry about.”

“She knows that,” Minha says. “But you know her brain works differently. ”

“Yeah—” Chae sighs. “Yeah.”

“And it really doesn't help, the way management keeps pulling us in all sorts of directions.” Minha frowns. “I think it's that uncertainty that's eating at her. Do you know what they want to happen after the tour?”

“A comeback,” Chae answers like it's the most obvious thing. “We've had a meeting where they talked to us about a few concepts in mind—suggestions here and there about the kind of songs they want us to make for the next album, but we still have to meet again to finalize things. Come to think of it, that meeting probably didn't help Jisung any.” Chae winces. “But the main thing was that they thought Charmer got a pretty good response, so they kind of want to go with something in the same vein.”

“So. Something more mature and sexy?” Minha asks. No wonder Jisung has been on the edge; just as she's clueless when it comes to love and relationships, she's the same when it comes to the concept of sexiness. She wants to feel sexy; to appear sexy, but she never knows where to start. Frankly Minha thinks she doesn't have to try too hard; despite her naturally cute appearance, Jisung's on stage charisma is very sexy, but Jisung doesn't always believe that about herself.

Chae nods.

“Unnie,” Minha murmurs. “You'll fight for us, right?” She looks at the leader squarely. She briefly thinks about what Stray Kids is to her; thinks about who she is as a member of the group, as a person outside of. She's always been very good at separating who she is as an idol and who she really is, but—like Jisung said, they would not have met if not for the group. She would not have met all the members, and she likes the members; she likes who she is with the members. If it ends, then it ends, but if they can keep going on this little adventure for as long as they can, then all the better than – Minha is gladly on board. “You'll fight for Stray Kids and our sound and identity, right?” she murmurs, with a sharp edge of determination in her tone.

“I… try, Minha.” Chae lowers her head. “I try my best, but I never know how much they actually hear. I might have given ten years of my life to this company, but I'm just one girl to them. Can't stir the pot too much.”

Minha flinches when she feels something cold and moist press against her forehead. When she looks up she isn't really surprised to find that it's Jisung, holding an ice cold bottle of water and grinning.

Minha returns the smile; she hadn't asked Jisung to get her anything but it's typical that Jisung got her something to drink anyway. That's just how she is, always taking care of Minha through small gestures like this; Minha is the exact same towards her. She takes the bottle and shifts a little to the side so there's space for Jisung to lower herself and sit next to her on the floor of the practice room.

They've been rehearsing non-stop for the concert that's now only a week away, but currently they're on a quick break.

While Minha takes a refreshing drink, Jisung quietly leans against her and takes her phone out, scrolling through it without another word. A brief glance tells Minha that she's checking the comments section of some YouTube clip; before she could ask what video it is, Hyunjin is rushing towards them, excited as she interrupts their quiet bubble.

“It's out!” she announces, waving her own phone around as she beams at both of them.

“What's going on?” Felicity asks, wandering over to them and joining them by plopping down next to Hyunjin on the floor. Seungmin doesn't say anything, but she's right behind Felicity. “What's out?”

“The list of female idols that are popular among the Korean lesbian community,” Hyunjin explains. “Almost 4,000 people participated in the poll this year!”

Next to Minha, Jisung looks up, curious but also confused. “Why are you so excited?” she asks Hyunjin. “Don't you always barely place on this list?”

Hyunjin scoffs. “I made it to the 80s this year,” she proudly declares. “Well, 89, but that counts!”

Jisung laughs at that, while next to Hyunjin, Felicity gives her an encouraging smile and a comforting pat on the shoulder. “It's okay,” Felicity says, “you're still the most popular—”

“Among our male fans, I know,” Hyunjin finishes for her with a wince. “Whatever, the reason for my excitement is—” she practically shoves her phone into Minha's face, “Unnie climbed up to 3 this year!”

It's not exactly that big a surprise; the last two years Minha had always placed Top 10 in this poll. Generally, she really does have a lot of female fans—most (or at least a good chunk) of them being lesbians, apparently. 

“Oh wow, you climbed two spots, unnie!” Jisung enthusiastically points out, grinning as she links arms with Minha; she rubs her soft cheek on Minha's shoulder as a show of affection.

“Only Red Velvet's Irene and Seulgi are higher,” Hyunjin says. “And then WJSN's Seola and Bona are right after you.”

“Okay…” Minha can only chuckle. It's flattering of course; any kind of ranking list like this provides an ample amount of ego boost, but she doesn't really get too excited about it either. It… just is . Something that she doesn't really have any kind of control over.

Across her, Hyunjin lets out a deep sigh.

“Why are you so glum?” Changae, who joins their little circle in that exact moment, inquires.

“I wish I had the most lesbian fans in the group,” Hyunjin muses.

“Lesbians specifically?” Changae asks.

“Well—I'll take more female fans in general,” Hyunjin admits. “Better than always being the object of middle aged men's fantasies.”

Minha snorts. “If it's any consolation, don't you rate high among teenage boys and 20-something guys too?” she offers, not really sounding that much comforting.

Hyunjin makes a face. “Same difference.”

“Well I'm sure you're also the object of some lesbians' fantasies,” Minha deadpans, just as Changae smoothly rests an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders.

Hyunjin shrugs. “I just think—girls are better. Nicer. Not as icky as men.”

What an astute observation, Minha almost snarks but Jisung beats her to speaking up.

“I agree,” she says, sounding quite earnest, which surprises Minha who gives her a questioning glance.

Jisung gives Minha a silent shrug, and the gears in Minha's head immediately start to turn; she has always assumed that Jisung is primarily— exclusively, even—into boys. Not that an offhand agreement about girls being better than boys is a testament to otherwise. It doesn't change how any time any mention of any kind of attraction was brought up in their conversations, Jisung has only ever mentioned boys but ultimately they've never really had a real conversation pertaining to these things. Something that Minha is probably in part to blame—the two of them are very bad at meaningful conversations, at least with each other. Minha has always thought this is because they're very good at understanding each other without words; but it also means they're ultimately left with a lot of questions about each other. 

Something flutters in Minha's stomach.

“Guys aren't that bad,” Felicity chips in. “Some are cute and nice.”

Hyunjin laughs. “Yeah, I suppose. Duh. Like—I'm not saying all men suck, and I also don't mean to sound ungrateful for our fans but—” she wrinkles her nose, sniffs, “—I'm just sick of them sometimes. Men.”

“Is this because of that asshole who catcalled you this morning when we went to have breakfast?” Seungmin asks; Hyunjin quickly turns to and glowers at her, as if she's silently berating her for bringing it up.

Seungmin, unsurprisingly, seems unfazed, but Changae's mouth contorts into a frown.

“You got catcalled today?” she asks.

Hyunjin sighs and shrugs. 

“You know I get that too,” Minha interrupts. “Doesn't matter if my main demo is lesbians. Guys are assholes to me, too.”

Brief silence takes over their little huddle as Minha's words settle, before,

“So, where did I rank?” Jisung asks, casually diverting back to the original topic, and for some reason that's enough to get all of them to start cracking up.

“You're at a respectable number 28,” Hyunjin says, glancing at her phone screen. “Third highest in our group, after Ae-unnie at 21.”

“Yeah. Well. Guys are dicks to me too.” Jisung nods solemnly, and that has all of them doubling over with more laughter. “What!” she asks, eyes lighting up with pride and mischief despite the feigned apprehension in her tone. “I'm being truthful!”

“No one's saying you're lying,” Seungmin points out.

While the rest of them look over Hyunjin's shoulder to peruse the list, Minha instead glances at Jisung and gives her a questioning look.

“What?” Jisung asks her in a hushed voice, as if engaging in a conversation just for the two of them, never mind that the rest of the members remain in their immediate vicinity.

“Things with you-know-who not going well?” Minha asks, her words just as whispered.

“Sunwoo?”

Minha looks at the other members, but they seem unfazed; Jeongin has also come to join them so they're busy chatting among themselves as they continue to check who else among their peers made it to the ranking. They're either being gracious enough, letting Minha and Jisung have their mini tête-à-tête, or they really just care that much more about some arbitrary poll than the state of Jisung's romantic endeavors. 

“Yeah, Sunwoo,” she confirms, focusing on Jisung again.

The younger girl wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “Not not well,” she says, “but not exactly well either? I'm not even sure it's right to say there's anything going. We're just friends, and it's probably gonna stay that way.” She pauses before quickly clarifying, “Like—not because he's been an asshole or anything.”

“Oh? What then?”

“I guess I just realized I'm not that into him,” Jisung truthfully answers. 

“Yeah?”

Jisung hums. “Rather, I realized it's not worth the trouble? Not enough butterflies to justify the risk. I realized I'm not exactly eager to kiss him and… Like you said unnie, it's more trouble for us girls if we get exposed.”

“Aaah.” Minha nods slowly; when she looks away she inadvertently meets Changae's gaze, who she realizes had probably been listening in and observing her interaction with Jisung. “What?” she directs towards her with a huff.

The latter snorts; grins cheekily. “Nothing,” Changae says, using a tone that clearly denotes something.

“Tch.” Minha looks around, scratching the back of her left ear before flipping her hair and making sure her long locks of hair cover her likely reddening ears. “Is the choreographer still out?” she segues. “It's been half an hour,” she points out, pulling herself up and dusting her knees. “We should do another run-down of Charmer.”

Everyone groans collectively, but when Jisung smiles and gets up to her feet as well, they all follow suit.

After that, rehearsal goes on non-stop for the next three hours or so. When it's time for a break, it's already late at night and everyone agrees to play rock-paper-scissors, with the loser heading to the convenience store to get them snacks and refreshments. Unsurprisingly Changae loses; sometimes Minha wonders if she does that on purpose because Changae is nothing if not the type to always want to put a smile on everyone's faces.

“I reserve the right to drag one member along with me,” Changae grumbles as she stares at her losing fist.

“Alright, pick someone,” Chae agreed, giving her blessing and ensuring that whoever gets chosen must follow without complaint.

Minha assumes Changae will go for Hyunjin; if it was her, she would want that brief alone time too. Not with Hyunjin obviously, but it's the same idea. Except Changae's gaze settles on her and she grins as she calls out, “Minha-unnie!”

“Huh?” Minha scowls, especially when everyone else tiredly laughs, but she's also quick to get on her feet. “I'll go if Changae uses her personal card to pay.”

Changae whines but doesn't say anything to contradict the bargain, so Minha grins and walks over to link arms with her. Most of the members start telling them what snacks and drinks they want, save for Jisung who had excused herself to go to the bathroom right after she won the first round of RPS. Doesn't matter though, because Minha knows exactly what snacks are her favorite anyway.

This doesn't escape Changae who lifts a judging eyebrow when she spots her putting a box of individually packaged custard cakes along with a pack of Honey Butter almonds into their basket.

“For Jisungie?” Changae asks.

Minha shrugs; they both know those are the same things that Jisung has been frequently spotted snacking on recently.

“She didn't ask for anything, did she?”

Minha laughs. “Doesn't mean she doesn't want anything.”

Changae hums, and they continue to go down the snacks aisle, picking out the other members' requests.

“Unnie,” Changae starts again.

“Hmm?”

“How does it feel to be third most beloved idol of Korean lesbians?”

Minha has all but forgotten about that ranking already so the question comes to her out of left field;  Changae's teasing tone doesn't help and Minha ends up gawking before eventually bursting into laughter. “Didn't figure you'd be one to care for that Ae-yah.”

“Yeah, I—” Changae laughs and shakes her head. “Frankly I was just surprised at how much Hyunjin cares.”

Minha snorts. Of course this isn't really about her placing Top 3. “Well, we both know she's the object of at least one woman's fantasies,” is all she can remark as she gives Changae a pointed look. Surprisingly the latter simply meets her gaze without denial.

“Yeah. I guess.”

Her agreement comes as another surprise to Minha and she ends up silenced as they walk to the fridge at the back of the store.

“You're not gonna say anything unnie?” Changae prods. “No snark? No teasing  comment?”

Minha chuckles as she picks out her and Jisung's drinks—Coke Zero for her, and a regular one for Jisung who always complains about Zero drinks being all sharp fizz and no taste—as well as what the others asked for. “You want me to tease you?”

“Sure.” Changae smirks. “That way comments about Jisung become fair game.”

At the outright mention of Jisung's name, Minha inadvertently tightens her grip on the soda can she's holding. “Maybe that's why I'm not saying anything,” she mutters.

Changae hums. “Well if you don't want to talk about it, I won't force you to unnie. But you already know that we probably understand each other very well.”

Minha is quiet, but she smiles at Changae after she finishes placing all the drinks she picked out into the basket. “Yea— yeah.” She nods. “Dunno if there's really anything to talk about on my end but,” she gives Changae a very discerning look, “you and Hyunjinnie though…”

“Um, yeah, not sure there's anything to talk about either.”

Minha gives her a pointed look. “I saw you. I never told you—well, I never told anyone—but… I saw the two of you together once. I came over to your dorm because Jisung and I agreed to meet there, but she was running late and I had the security code anyway, so—” she shrugs. “I went inside and the door to Hyunjin's room was slightly cracked open, and. Yeah.”

“Ah.” Changae purses her lips; she lets out an awkward laugh. “I cornered you, but I didn't really expect to be cornered back.”

Minha scoffs. They're just standing at the back of the store now instead of heading to the cashier up front so they can pay. “You also don't have to talk about any of it.”

“Yeah, no. I…” Changae shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “It would be nice, actually, but I don't know where to start.”

“Are you and Hyunjinnie a thing, then?” Minha surprises even herself at how softly her voice comes out; Changae hears her loud and clear nevertheless, and she shakes her head. 

“Not exactly. We… kiss sometimes, is the only way to put it.”

“Do you want more than that?”

Changae's breath hitches. “Am I allowed to want more than that?”

Minha chuckles. “That's the question, isn't it?”

“That is the question,” Changae agrees. “But I do want more. I can say it. I—I like Hyunjin, and I'm woman enough to admit it.”

Minha squirms. “Are you trying to say that I'm not?”

“If the shoe fits.”

Minha's frown deepens and yet again, Changae sighs.

“Like I already said, I'm not forcing you to cop to anything, unnie, but I see you struggle on your own sometimes and you shouldn't. I know that you usually go to Jisung when you need to destress but… this one's tricky, and if you need someone else to listen to you about it, I want you to know I'm here.”

“Yeah…” Minha feels her voice tremble; she forces a faint smile on her features. “Yeah,” she repeats more firmly. “And I want you to know, you are allowed to want more, Changae—you're allowed to want whatever you want.”

Changae chuckles. “You know, unnie, I think that's something we both need to keep telling ourselves.”

The kick-off concerts in Seoul are a success. Their theater venue is sold out for both nights, and even though tiny mishaps happen (for example, Minha's in-ear monitors act up for two nights straight, which more than tests her patience), overall they get through them with no notable catastrophe.

Still, as soon as  the last encore performance is over, the first thing on Minha's mind isn't how proud she is, or even how relieved. She's completely exhausted and the only thing she's thinking of is how much she's looking forward to the three day vacation that they get before they go back to endless rehearsals and they start their actual tour overseas. 

Without preamble, as they change out of their concert clothes, Minha asks Jisung to save the first day of their vacation for her—and maybe it would seem a little last minute, except this is pretty par for course between the two of them; they always set aside at least one day for each other whenever they get days off from work.

One time Changae had jokingly asked if they really don't get tired of each other; everyone else preferred going home to their families after all. That, or meeting friends that aren't part of Stray Kids. It was understandable, since between working together and living together, the members normally spent practically every waking moment with each other. Still, Minha only glared at Changae, not wanting to acknowledge the implications of what she was really asking.

Besides, in their defense, the little tradition started when Jisung's family still lived overseas; they've been back in Korea for two years now but Minha figures habits are not an easy thing to break.

“So, what're our plans today?” Jisung asks when Minha drops by to pick her up at the apartment she shares with Hyunjin and the rest of 3RACHA.

She's looking really cute, wearing a short sleeved powder blue midi dress that had oranges and lemons printed all over it; refreshing, like Jisung herself is, Minha can't help but think. Her shoulder length blonde hair is in braided pigtails, and her dark roots that are in dire need of retouching are covered under the cute page boy cap she's wearing.

“You like colors again,” Minha comments, instead of answering the smaller girl's inquiry.

Jisung smiles as she twirls in her outfit. “You said you liked that I stand by my fashion taste, so—” she shrugs.

Minha laughs. Jisung is talking about a conversation they had when filming their most recent round of 2 Kids Room. The staff had directed them to compliment each other, and in Minha’s attempt to come up with something safe, she had blurted out that she admired how Jisung continued to stand by her colorful and unique fashion choices even though the other members tended to tease for it. Jisung had scoffed and given her an incredulous look while pointing out that her recent fashion had been a lot more simple and subdued; mostly monotone in color. Minha had been legitimately surprised because she hadn't noticed any kind of change; and it certainly wasn't that she didn't pay attention to Jisung, it was just that to her, anything Jisung wore suited her to a tee, and always has. 

“Well you look pretty,” she murmurs, taking in the sight of Jisung in her bright dress; the younger beams, her cheeks tinged a pale pink.

“You too, unnie,” Jisung says, and Minha's smile grows wider even though a part of her now wishes she would have made a little bit more effort in dressing up.

Her own style has always been casual and comfortable; today, she's only wearing a snug blue and white cardigan paired with a pair of wide legged jeans, and her brown hair is tied up in a simple high ponytail. At least Jisung's words make her feel really pretty; if her own words have even half as much of an effect on Jisung, then she's happy.

She takes Jisung to ride on the train because it's easier, faster and cheaper than taking a cab all the way to Gimpo—which is where they're headed for the day.

They both wear masks that hide their faces; the truth is they don't really get recognised very often in the streets—which sometimes can hurt a celebrity's pride, but mostly Minha considers it a good thing because it lets them blend in with a normal crowd when needed.

The train car isn't that crowded, but there aren't enough seats available for them, so they choose to stand close to one of the doors. Jisung takes her phone out as she tends to do when in transit, while Minha keeps alert of their surroundings. They're two train stops away from where they're supposed to get off when Minha notices that someone keeps stealing glances at them. The person has his phone out, and it makes Minha wary of being recognized. It isn't always bad, but today she really would prefer no one intrude on their personal time. She shifts in her spot, but she supposes it's the frown on her face that catches Jisung's attention.

“You okay, unnie?” she asks, pausing whatever it is that she was watching and looking up at Minha instead.

“Hmm?” Minha blinks, taken aback by the sparkle in Jisung's big, bright button eyes; the last thing she wants is to make Jisung worry. Until now, the younger still gets really wary about taking public transportation and it's only Minha who could get her to ride trains and buses if needed. “It's nothing,” she assures Jisung with a smile, while casually stepping to the side, making sure that the only view their observer has is that of her back, and absolutely none of Jisung.

“You're being weird,” Jisung tells her and Minha only laughs.

“Tell me something new,” she jokes, and this time it's Jisung who chuckles. “What are you watching, by the way?”

“Um.” Jisung shrugs. “Some hoof restoration videos.”

“What—?” Minha snorts; she shouldn't be surprised. Jisung is always discovering and exploring obscure corners of YouTube.

“Hey! Don't knock 'em 'til you try 'em!” Jisung playfully and comfortably counters. “They're weirdly satisfying, you know?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Show me, then.”

Jisung laughs and shakes her head, but she does offer one of her airpods to Minha. “Don't we have to get off soon, though?” she glances out the window.

“Yeah, in less than ten minutes,” Minha confirms.

“We can watch a short one then,” she says, grinning and quickly picking a 3-minute hoof restoration clip.

When they get off the correct stop, Minha is relieved when she notes that the man who had been watching them had stayed on the train; whether or not they were recognised stops mattering and instead she takes Jisung's hand and pulls her towards where she has spotted a couple of her friends waiting for, and waving at them.

“Oh aren't those your—?” Jisung looks at her questioningly.

“Yeah. My Jaehee and my Sua,” Minha, confirms. “We made a bunch of plans for today and I figured you could use a fun day out too. With, um… you know. Normal people.”

“Oh.” Jisung blinks, but after a beat passes, a smile forms on her features and she nods appreciatively.

The introductions don't really take long because Jisung had already met Minha's friends before. It had only been in passing though, during the first time that Minha had gotten them tickets to a Stray Kids showcase. At the time, Jisung had met them then as Han, a member of Stray Kids—but this time, Minha simply introduces her as Jisung, and the welcoming smiles her friends give Jisung don't project any kind of awe. 

When Minha mentioned that she was bringing along one of the members to spend the day with them, Jaehee had immediately guessed it was going to be Jisung and Minha hadn't bothered questioning how she knew; both Jaehee and Sua have known Minha for years and they're people who can read her like an open book most days.

They go to eat sushi at a conveyor belt restaurant and Jisung, who normally takes a while to open up to new people, is immediately cracking jokes and participating in a who can eat more contest with all of them—more ruined diets, Minha thinks to herself, but with promotions over and the tour starting, she figures it doesn't matter so much in the moment. 

Conversation over lunch barely touches upon Stray Kids; at most Minha and Jisung would tell anecdotes that involve some of the members, but Jaehee and Sua simply treat them like they're stories about friends of a friend—much like they always do whenever Minha would talk about them before; much like they viewed Jisung herself before. In exchange, Jaehee and Sua bring up stories from high school which Minha would rather they not, but Jisung lights up completely, and her laughter is so sweet to Minha's ears that any attempt she makes at making her friends stop embarrassing her ends up being half-hearted at best.

It's shaping up to be a very nice day; neither Minha nor Jisung are ones to document their lives with constant picture taking, but for once, Minha keeps snapping pictures—from the food they're eating, to the smiles on her friends' faces.

“Unnie, let's take a few selfies for the fans,” Jisung suggests, and there's no hint of shyness when she turns to Sua to hand off her phone so she can take snaps of them. “Please make sure to capture all the empty plates, Sua-unnie!”

The comfort and ease that Jisung shows when interacting with her friends has warmth spreading throughout Minha.

“She's fun,” Jaehee mentions later when they're done with their meal, and Jisung has gone to the comfort room with Sua before they leave the restaurant. The plan is to head to a nearby park and walk off all the food they just had, before going to a bowling alley and spending the rest of the day playing games.

Minha is busy messaging Stays on Bubble while they wait, teasing her fans with a picture of empty sushi plates for now. She looks up at Jaehee's comment. Obviously she means Jisung. “Duh,” Minha says, laughing. “Of course she is.”

“I like her a lot,” Jaehee adds.

“So do I,” Minha returns, blunt and without fanfare or hesitation; almost soulless in tone, even.

“We can tell,” Jaehee says, and the implied meaning behind her words isn't lost on Minha.

Before she can react though, their friends return and Jisung is grinning as she latches on to Minha, hugging her arm as she asks where they're headed to next.

It's early in the evening when they get home to Minha's parents' house. As soon as they set foot past the threshold, they smell the delicious scent of  a homemade meal cooking—rather, they immediately inhale the pungent smell of fermented soybean paste permeating in the air, which means her mother has a pot of doenjang jjigae simmering in the kitchen. Even though though they just had coffee and cake late in the afternoon—after tiring themselves out bowling but before separation with her friends—Minha immediately feels—

“Hungry,” Jisung says, interrupting her thoughts as if she read them. “Dinner smells fantastic.”

“Yeah, me too,” Minha agrees with a smile, feeling a pleasant buzz from how in tune she and Jisung are.

The cats welcome them, or at least Soonie does. Minha assumes the other two are somewhere else in the house, too preoccupied with this or that to care that she's home. Minha's parents also greet them happily; her father is in the living room, TV tuned into some variety show replay, but he looks up to greet them when they pass, while her mother just calls out to them from the kitchen. 

Even more than with her friends, Jisung feels completely at home with her family from the get go—not very surprising since she's spent enough time with them previously. Minha's mother, same as the other members' mothers, used to visit them often at the dorm during the first few years after debut, always bringing containers of food to make sure that everyone ate healthily and heartily. That was when Jisung's own family still lived overseas, and maybe it was because Minha was so clearly taken with Jisung, but her own mother seemed to take her cue, as she warmly took Jisung under her wing.

That's why it feels so normal when, while Minha goes to feed the cats, Jisung simply wanders to the kitchen so she can watch Minha's mother cook. It's much like what she used to do when all the members still lived in one dorm and Minha would spend time in the kitchen, relieving her stress through cooking and copying various recipes she found on YouTube.

“Umma,” Minha calls once she's done giving the cats their dinner, and she follows the smell of food to the kitchen, only to find that Jisung is in the middle of scooping out side dishes and setting the table, likely at her own mother's behest. They exchange grins before Minha turns back to her mother. “The cats haven't bathed for over a month, have they?”

“No, sweet,” her mother answers matter-of-factly. “They waited for you,” she adds. “You can wash them after dinner.” There's a teasing glint in her eyes that would make anyone who knows Minha well understand that she truly is her mother's daughter.

Minha sighs and just shakes her head. “They smell,” she points out, but past that she can't really complain because she's normally so busy and as an only daughter she feels obliged to help at home as much as she can whenever she can.

“They're fine,” her mother assures her before gesturing towards Jisung and making her approach so she can taste test the stew. “Cats are perfectly able to take care of their hygiene themselves.”

Minha just scoffs at her reasoning even though she knows it to be true. She turns towards Jisung just in time to catch her giving her mother two thumbs up as approval for the food.

“You're going to help me,” she tells the younger girl, with absolutely no room for argument; she doesn't take her eyes off Jisung as she takes a seat at the table.

“But I'm your guest!” Jisung argues, but it's half-hearted at best. Her smile is full and bright, and there's more than a hint of positive excitement in her tone that Minha knows she's actually looking forward to helping.

Over dinner, Minha's parents ask them about concert prep and the concert itself—even though they had been present for the first night. In turn, Minha and Jisung talk about all the little backstage mishaps that Minha's parents assure them weren't at all detrimental to the average concert goer's experience. They also talk about the upcoming tour; Minha had long sent her parents a copy of all the stops but Jisung gets excited mapping it out for them anyway, that Minha mostly keeps quiet, smiling and eating as she allows Jisung to go on and on about everything she's looking forward to over the next month of traveling and performing.

“Not everyone gets to travel so much at your young age,” Minha's father comments; it makes her smile because there's a hint of pride in his tone. As encouraging as her parents are when it comes to her choices and her dreams, he had once admitted to her how worried he was that nothing would come from her making impractical choices in order to follow a path that seemed appealing to her. That was right after she thought she had been cut from the debut group, and her father  had assured her that he was always going to try his best to help keep the ground under her steady whether or not she tripped over her own path, but that didn't mean he did not have concerns. It was supportive but worried; rational. And now Minha is happy that she's steady all on her own and she knows her father could tell.

“Unnie used to always get everyone souvenirs when we toured before the pandemic, right?” Jisung chirps happily. “I remember she always made sure to shop for something whenever we got free time—which isn't something we get a lot of.”

Minha hums. “And we'll get even less free time on this tour,” she adds. “Chae-unnie was saying something about how we won't really be given free time to sightsee, what with the pandemic technically still ongoing.”

Jisung laughs. “Well we both know you'll get them something from Duty Free at the very least. You can't help yourself!” She grins and turns to Minha's parents. “But it's a good thing. She influences me to be just as filial.”

Minha smiles faintly; she has mostly brought it up out of disappointment because one of her favorite things from their past tours was being able to freely walk the streets of a foreign city with Jisung, without being too worried about any deranged fan following them. Jisung isn't wrong about Duty Free souvenirs though.

“Well, there's no need to think too much about gifts for us.” Minha's mother assures them both. “Just make sure to have fun, but also stay safe and healthy. Don't take your masks off unless necessary—don't get sick while you're traveling.”

After dinner, Minha starts to help clear the table, which Jisung voluntarily helps with—it's almost funny because at the dorms, Jisung always tries to avoid general chores whenever she can. It's also cute though because Minha knows she's being very helpful in order to maintain a good image for her parents; she doesn't tell Jisung that it doesn't really matter, that it's near impossible to change her parents's impression of her because it's near impossible to change what Minha thinks of her.

In the end, Jisung's show of diligence doesn't matter because Minha's mother tells them to go on and take care of bathing all three cats like they had agreed to do earlier.

“We have to do it one by one, since they can be too much altogether, and there's only two of us,” Minha explains as they look around the house to find where the infamous Soonie, Doongie and Dori are hiding. “Usually it's me and my mom doing this. When I'm not home she occasionally ropes my Dad into doing it with her—actually I think she only managed to do that once,” she chuckles. “But the cats don't really need to be bathed more than once a month anyway so she just waits for me.”

They start with the youngest of the cats because that's who they catch first.

“Dori-yah…” Jisung has taken an obvious liking to the youngest cat, and she's the one who first spots the gray tabby, scooping her into her arms with almost no fuss; at least at first. Dori seems perfectly fine until she realizes they're headed to the bathroom, and at that point she starts squirming and thrashing wildly to the point that she almost scratches Jisung's arm. Bathing her becomes quite the ordeal and it almost takes them half an hour to do it, but Minha assures Jisung that Dori is usually the worst of the three when it comes to bath time.

Sure enough, Doongie is a lot more accommodating. She even ventures into the  bathroom by herself, nudging Minha's ankle to catch her attention while they dry Dori up. She consistently glares at them while they bathe her but she isn't very much trouble otherwise; Jisung even jokingly points out that Doongie has resting bitch face in general which makes the glaring not really proof of anything.

It's Soonie who surprisingly takes some effort to corale to the bathroom, mostly because she's usually just as well behaved as Doongie when it comes to bath time.

“I don't think Soonie likes you very much,” Minha comments as the cat continuously whimpers and mewls when they put her under the water.

“Me?” Jisung scoffs. “You're the one she was avoiding!”

“It's because I'm with you.” Minha doesn't even notice that she's pouting until Jisung looks up, meets her gaze and bursts into laughter. “Soonie loves me the most!” she comments with purposeful petulance.

“Unnie, you're being so cute,” she coos as she squirts some cat shampoo on Minha's open palm.

“Nope,” Minha shakes her head; purses her lips. She gently slathers the shampoo on the cat who continues to whimper. “That's Soonie.”

“Well duh. I didn't say you're cuter than the cat!”

Minha can't help but note that bathing the cats with Jisung feels a lot different compared to doing it with her mother. Maybe because the experience is completely new to her but Jisung never stops looking fondly at Minha's self-professed little sisters, and there's something so incredibly domestic about it all that has Minha's heart pounding on her chest.

When they finish, Jisung looks as drenched as the cats and it's quite a funny sight. Minha almost wants to take a picture for her own keepsake, but she also doesn't want Jisung to get sick. Besides, she doesn't have her phone on her so she decides to let Jisung shower ahead as she finishes up drying her little feline sisters on her own.

She washes up in her parent's bathroom once the cats are all warm and dry, and when she finishes, she walks in on Jisung staring at her reflection in the full body length mirror in the corner of her room, while—yet again—cradling Dori in her arms.

“Isn't she heavy?” Minha asks with a chuckle. “All the cats need to diet but my mother spoils them.”

“And you don't?” Jisung lifts an eyebrow when their eyes meet through the mirror.

“Fair enough.” Minha laughs as she dries her hair with a towel, not at all breaking eye contact. Jisung is clad in old clothes borrowed from her—an old shirt from her dance crew days, and a pair of jersey shorts that Minha used to wear a lot back in high school. It's cute the way they fit Jisung's petite frame perfectly. “What are you doing over there, by the way? Admiring your reflection? Vain, much?”

Jisung snorts. “No, I—” If there was a camera filming, Minha knows she would have blustered; would have turned her chin up and doubled down on the compliment. But it's just the two of them, and Jisung easily blushes at being caught. “Just—” she huffs and gestures at the pictures pinned and taped at the corner of the mirror. “A couple of ours are here,” she mutters. “I really like this one,” she adds, tapping at a 4-cut photostrip that was taken in a booth somewhere in Hongdae. It was the first one they ever took, almost three years ago now.

“Oh.” Minha's ears suddenly feel really warm. “Yeah.” She shrugs, trying to be as casual as she can. The other pictures on display are of her local friends, together with polaroids of her family, including of the cats. “Um, we have a lot of those pictures so it was either put some there or throw them away,” she adds— lies— nonchalantly.

Jisung beams. “There's none with the other members?”

Minha scoffs; she was hoping Jisung didn't notice that. “I have a picture of all of us pinned on the wall of my room at the dorm,” she reasons. She doesn't mention that she also has a 4-cut of her and Jisung pinned alongside that group photo; nor does she mention the one balanced against the flower pot she's growing on her room balcony; nor does she volunteer information about the one in her wallet. They really have taken so many of those photos and she can't be blamed. “I see the members everyday, anyway. I don't need to think of them when I'm home.”

Jisung turns to face her, a knowing smirk curved on her lips. Fortunately she doesn't actually point out that Minha sees her everyday too; it's definitely on her mind, though.

“Do you know that in all the sets of pictures we have, you're always doing this—” Minha sticks her tongue out of the side of her mouth, and in between her teeth, “—at least once in every single set of pictures?” she remarks playfully, hoping that by teasing Jisung, the latter will voluntarily shy away from this particular conversation topic.

Jisung laughs and bends over to allow Dori to jump away from her hold. “It's cute and sexy,” she jokes, and when she straightens up, she's going for that exact, tongue biting expression.

Minha almost agrees, but she just groans and figuratively bites her own tongue to stop herself from making a comment or generally reacting to Jisung's cocky declaration. “Come on, let's just get ready,” she says, walking over to the dresser to retrieve her rolled up futon where it's stuffed inside the bottom-most drawer.

Minha's mother had already given Jisung the guest futon while he had still been showering, and as they roll out the mattresses together, silence befalls them.

“Unnie,” Jisung breaks the silence once the futons are spread out, side by side, and she's sitting on hers with legs criss-crossed, and Dori curled up by her knees.

“Yeah?” Minha chuckles, and scratches the cat's forehead as she lowers herself down on the futon across Jisung.. “You know, she likes you a weird amount. Meanwhile half the time I come home, she forgets who I am.”

Jisung laughs and gently runs a palm across Dori's back. “I think both Dori and Doongie know that Soonie already has your heart so they don't bother.” 

“That's not true!” Minha argues, except they both know it is. She always plays favorites; she can't help herself even when she tries not to. Shamefully, it goes for people too.

“Unnie,” Jisung calls again, and Minha remembers that Jisung was trying to say something before she distracted her with cat-related chit-chat.

“What is it?”

“Next time, we should go to mine.”

“Hmm?”

“Just—” Jisung smiles, and there's a shy quality to it; the opposite of Jisung's swagger grin that she always wears when performing on stage. “Thank you for today, unnie. Your friends and your family are good people and I had such a fun time. So—next time, I wanna share my world. My home life. I don’t have a Jaehee or a Sua, but I have my family and they would love you—”

“They already do,” Minha playfully interrupts. She's joking, mostly, but she has met Jisung's parents many times before and they've always been pretty kind and welcoming towards her.

Jisung groans and rolls her eyes. “I was talking about my grandma, actually,” she counters. “You've got my parents wrapped around your fingers but you have never met my grandma. She doesn’t like a lot of young people—” she chuckles, “—but I’m pretty sure that she'll love you.” 

She says it with feigned exasperation but there's also something genuine and earnest in her words, and Minha can tell Jisung means it a lot.

“Because I’m very lovable,” Minha teases anyway.

Jisung scoffs and hits her arm. “I’m trying to be serious here, unnie!”

“Oh? You?” Minha holds back a snort; she folds her arms across her chest. “Okay, then. Let's be serious.”

Minha stares and Jisung blinks; her cheeks flush red and she groans. “Well now I don’t wanna have a serious talk with you anymore!” she whines. “You make it so hard!”

Minha cackles. “I wasn’t doing anything!”

Jisung huffs. “You were! And I just…” 

Minha relaxes and calmly waits for Jisung to get her words out without saying any more herself.

“It's just… with everything that’s been happening recently…” Jisung shakes her head; adopts a more determined expression. “No, not even just recently. With everything that has happened to me—to us since we met. Since we debuted. It's all made me realize something.”

Minha feels her heart rage inside her chest. What is Jisung about to say? “Hmm?” she hums quietly.

“I’ve realized that you have always been by my side. The unnie who is always supporting me, no matter what, and I’ve come to the conclusion that that's always going to be the case. I can count on you to always be right here with me, and I’m very thankful for that.”

“Oh.” Minha feels herself relax despite a tinge of disappointment. “Yeah, whatever.” She tries not to make a big deal of what Jisung is saying. “I mean. Yeah. Of course I’m here. With you. You needed enlightenment to conclude that?!” She huffs, playing at exasperation.

“No, no—I.” Jisung laughs along. “You've always been with me and we've always gotten along so well, unnie. That's why I’ve always felt like you were a… Uh. You know—”

“Soulmate,” Minha finishes for her. It always used to embarrass her whenever Jisung would say this, because the concept of soulmates was so juvenile to her. Wishful thinking by hopeless romantics—but recently, she's starting to come to terms with the fact that just maybe there's a hopeless romantic inside her as well.

“Yeah.” Jisung smiles shyly as she meets Minha's eyes. “But I guess a part of me always thought it was a feeling that would pass. That we’ll grow up to have different priorities…” she shrugs. “And I know we're largely still in each other's lives because of Stray Kids, but time still matters, and over time, that feeling that you're my soulmate? It hasn’t lessened a bit at all. And I’m beginning to think it won’t ever… Like—maybe when the group breaks up, we will develop different priorities but… I think I’ll still feel like this. I’ll still think and feel and believe that you're my soulmate—and I don’t think I’ll feel that way about anyone else ever again. At least I don’t want to.”

“Oh.” Minha whispers.

Her heart is beating loudly, thundering against her rib cage, and birds—not butterflies— are screeching, teetering, fluttering in her stomach.

Is Jisung saying what Minha thinks she is?

“Jisungie,” she begins, voice soft, barely audible. “Do you remember something I asked you when we just debuted?”

“Hm?”

“When we filmed the first Two Kids Room series, I asked you… I said that I knew you had feelings for me but—”

“You asked me what kind of feelings I had for you,” Jisung finished.

Minha nods mutely.

“I don't think I knew it then,” Jisung says. “I was so young. but I do know now. And I think you do too, unnie.”

If you feel those feelings for me… are those feelings really those feelings or do you feel something else…?

Minha is well aware that she worded that in the most confusing way; it was to the point where she ended up confused with what she was trying to say herself.

But maybe that was appropriate because the words were from a time when she was generally perplexed and bewildered by what she was feeling.

The thing is, Minha had always wanted siblings; she had wanted maybe a big brother, or better yet a little sister she could spoil; a little sister with whom she could be thick as thieves with. Growing up, she had always felt some envy towards her friends who had sisters they got along with; sisters they shared clothes and make-up with; sisters they gossiped with about the boys in their lives. Generally sisters who shared a lot with them, and with whom they shared a lot with.

When she met Jisung they hit it off so effortlessly; they got along so well; they shared clothes, accessories, make-up—even though they had completely different styles, it didn't matter. They gossipped about boys and spent late nights at the dance studios together; they shared so much with each other that part of Minha wondered – was that it? They meshed so seamlessly; their humor rode the same wavelength, their general tastes overlapped and their temperaments were perfectly complementary. So—was that how it was like to finally have a real sister?

It didn't really take Minha long to find the answer—it wasn't.

The longer she knew Jisung, the less sisterly her feelings were. And every time Jisung playfully referred to Minha as her soulmate, the more it seemed less like a joke.

Before meeting Jisung, Minha always considered herself straight. Sure, she had a healthy appreciation for girls—they were delightful and beautiful, and their dance lines mesmerized Minha in ways that men didn't, but—

She never really fantasized about kissing them, or putting her hands on them—and she only ever dated men. Society expected her to like boys, so she did. Boys liked her, chased after her—in high school she received so many confessions, some which she entertained, most of which she had turned down—but dating guys was easy. Liking men was painless, easy. She didn't need to think too much when she was with them; she only had to have fun. 

And then she met Jisung, and being with her was a different kind of easy, and a different kind of fun. When they were together, they just were. Minha didn't have to think; despite grueling hours of training, they had fun as long as they were together.

And that was fine. That was sisterhood —until it very clearly wasn't.

Until Jisung's touches became electrifying; Jisung would touch her arm and Minha would feel a lingering buzz. They would hold hands and Minha would never want to let go. Jisung would borrow her lip balm and Minha would find herself distracted and daydreaming about more direct kisses and less indirect ones.

And that was when the ease ceased; Minha didn't understand her own feelings and suddenly spending time with Jisung wasn't as effortless as it used to be anymore.

The first time a male idol slipped her his personal number, Minha's instinct initially had her wanting to throw it away. But she was reminded of how simple it had been for her in the past; a guy would confess, would ask her out, and she would yes and the rest was expected. A step-by-step process that she would follow; the casual comfort was something she craved— still craves—and so she started dating again. 

She dated Juyeon, and Kino, and flirted with at least a handful of other men who showed interest. Despite all the rules and caution she had to follow, it was still easy; it was normal. Except she became increasingly aware that none of the men that kept flitting in and out of her life was Han Jisung; that none of them offered the simple kind of comfortable companionship that she ached for.

Minha eventually asked herself—did she like girls? It was a crushing consideration. More painful than painless, if only because she knew the kind of prejudice those kinds of feelings brought with them. It wasn't normal— but then again, no one really calls Minha normal.

If anything, Minha is the type to lean into the unusual; the type to explore what needs to be explored. For a brief moment in time, she decided to reconnect with one of the dancers she used to be in a crew with—who was also the only woman she knew to have had a girlfriend. Minha knew because it wasn't a secret—everyone in the crew just knew, but no one ever really talked about it. Minha figured that if there was someone who could provide her with useful advice—a clear change of perspective—it was that sunbae,  and she was right.

She got all that she wanted, and more; more wandering hands, lips and mouths on each other. Minha wanted to explore, and explore she did. Slowly, Minha came to learn just how different being with a woman is, compared to being with a man.

She told almost no one; not her family, not the members, not even Jisung. Jaehee had an idea, and Changbin had raised an eyebrow at her late night disappearances, but Minha kept the sordid details even from them. It wasn't a lengthy relationship anyway; three months at best, because in the end, it hadn't worked out—and it was for the same reason all her recent relations with men had ended.

Han Jisung.

Because if you make Minha choose, she will always choose spending time with Jisung. Even if it's just taking a walk among the flowers, or watching a stupid horror movie—if it's with Jisung, that's what she would rather do. She'd make excuses; would convince herself that going on a movie or a picnic with someone else was just a bat signal for Dispatch, and a beacon for intrusive fans.

But Jisung wasn't like her; Jisung had only ever expressed a like for men. She had a crush on a different male idol every time they came back and they met different groups—not that anything ever happened to any of them. Jisung is also an introvert who took time opening up to people, and she generally preferred admiring from afar, and Minha never pushed her to do more because she is inherently selfish and she would also rather Jisung admire from afar.

So Minha chose to remain mum; to hold her feelings back because the risk wasn't worth potentially blowing up the group's dynamics. Newton's first law dictated that an object at rest will remain at rest, and Minha always figured that meant if she didn't rock the boat, then at least she could remain Jisung's number one; her soulmate. She might want more, but there was no way she was going to get more, and it wouldn't have been fair for the members to risk everything for nothing.

When she first caught Changae and Hyunjin liplocked, the first thing she had felt was envy. She knew they had their own problems for sure—that was a given considering everything in their lives, from the nature of their jobs, to where they live—but they found each other.

Management would probably livid if they were discovered; the stress that Chae was carrying on her shoulders would grow tenfold—but Minha knew that if there was a chance of something— anything— with Jisung, she'd risk it like they did.

And then she laughed to herself because what were the odds of there being three queer members in a group of eight? It felt near impossible that there would be a fourth in Jisung.

So she held back; tried her best to keep her feelings from maturing by pushing them as far down as she could, never acknowledging them even in her thoughts as long as she could avoid doing so.

But—that's the funny thing about feelings. They tend to have a life of their own, and even if you leave them alone, they grow anyway.

Are those feelings really those feelings or do you feel something else…?

She wants to ask again because now she's not confused. Her feelings are exactly what she knows them to be; she's in love and she can admit as much now. 

And with the way Jisung is looking at her, Minha is starting to realize that any risk she braves might just be worth it.

“It's that way, unnie,” Jisung whispers. “That way. The—” her breath hitches and she looks away, but only for a split second. Just as quickly, she meets Minha's gaze again and when she does, the resolve and determination in her eyes have doubled. “I love—I'm in love with you unnie.”

It's Minha's turn for her breath to catch. Jisung really said the words. Straightforward, with no room for misinterpretation.

“Do you know, some of the members think that I need you more than you need me?” Minha murmurs, unable to be as direct and just say the confession right back. “Some of them think that I like you more— love you more.”

“Do you think that way too?” Jisung frowns. “That I don’t need or love you as much?”

Minha pauses. In a way that's the assumption she has been operating on. “Sometimes,” she admits with a wince. “Not necessarily more, I guess, but I thought… I assumed that you don’t like me the way I like you. I assumed that you love me the same way you love the other members.”

Jisung snorts. “Well you know what they say about assuming…”

Minha looks at her. “No, I don’t—?”

Jisung sniffs. “Doesn’t matter. The others are crazy for thinking that way. You don’t need me. Between the two of us, you’re the one who can live a good life without Stray Kids, without me. I feel like today was even more proof of that—”

“But I don't want that,” Minha interjects.

“I know.” Jisung hesitates. “And I’m the one who just confessed to being in love with you. I don’t recall being given an answer to that yet—” She sighs softly. “Unnie, sorry that I’m not very good at showing you that you’re special.”

But that’s just it, Minha now realizes. It’s not that Jisung has been bad at making Minha feel special; it’s Minha who has been bad at welcoming and interpreting her gestures. “I was just being dumb.”

Jisung’s worry lines wane, and she smiles faintly. “You were being careful, right? I should have been more clear since I’ve known for a while how you feel about me. Every time you showed up for me, you were choosing me—and I should have been clear that I will always choose you too. Which I am. I’m choosing you.”

Minha’s brow furrows. Jisung is speaking with such certainty; she has always come off as young, oblivious, even a little naive, but Minha knows better than anyone that when Jisung really takes her time to think, she comes to very mature conclusions. Jisung gets pretty determined; certain. And that’s the case right now. Her voice doesn't waver because she's completely sure about what she's communicating.

“That’s all true,” Minha finally answers. “I do choose you all the time,” she admits because there’s no point in beating around the bush; no point in disrespecting Jisung’s resolve by being coy or wishy-washy. “And that’s because I love you too—because I am in love with you too.”

Jisung beams, her eyes sparkling. “Was that so hard to say?”

“Ye—” Minha starts to say, except Jisung cuts her off with a pouty glare. “No?” she tries again with a soft chuckle.

“So why have you been keeping it to yourself?” Jisung huffs.

“And you haven't?” Minha shoots back.

Jisung laughs. “You know I've been a little slow, unnie. It took me a bit longer to get here, while you've been there for years—”

“How do you know?”

Jisung shrugs. “Because once I realized… I looked back and everything was clear.” She laughs again. “I blame the pandemic for giving me a lot of free time with my thoughts and feelings. Made all the annoying self-reflection possible. But I’m right, though, aren't I?”

Minha exhales shakily. “Yeah. I’ve been there almost right from the start.”

Jisung’s smile softens and she reaches over to rest her hand on Minha’s knee; it’s such a simple gesture but it feels tingly to Minha. It’s strangely intimate, for some reason. “Me too, I think,” Jisung says. “I just didn't know because like you always tease me…. what do I know about love?”

“You know something apparently,” Minha retorts. “So—what tipped you off, finally?”

“It wasn't any particular thing. It's all in the little things, unnie. It’s in all of our dates—in the way you would gently hold me when you know I’m going through a lot even if I don’t say it. The way you know exactly what to say—rather what not to say when I’m in my feelings. It's even in the way you drag me out to see the sun when I’ve been in my room for too long, and the way you tried watching the whole Harry Potter series because you know I’m a Potterhead, and you can’t  even tell Harry from Ron. It’s in all the things we don’t even notice because they’ve just become habits to us, like walking together side by side—like you waiting for me when we ride different cars to work. Or even just the way I don’t feel like I have to make you laugh all the time because we just… do. We simply laugh when we're together.”

Minha lets out a shaky breath; her heart is racing yet again—it’s a surprise she hasn’t had a heart attack yet with the way the conversation has been going. “Jisungie…”

The younger girl smiles at her. “It’s all these things that made me realize not just my feelings, but yours too, unnie.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my idiot Jisungie?” Minha exhales; she wants to be teasing but she only comes off in awe.

“She grew up. Opened her eyes. Learned to be mature. Fell in love.” Minha laughs at that, and Jisung grins. “Do you know what I’m going to ask next, unnie?”

Minha looks at her. She does know, because it's the same thing she wants— more. Maybe that's why Changae's words echo in her head. Am I allowed to want more?

Minha told her the answer was yes, and she tells herself the same thing now.

“You want to know if you can kiss me yet,” Minha asserts; now that their feelings are all laid out, her eyes are bright and open as well. She’s back to reading Jisung transparently, because she has no reason to have a veil over her eyes.

“Well,” Jisung keeps smiling, “can I?”

Minha finds the question stupid; she doesn’t think it even needs to be asked, so she answers by leaning forward, hands leaning on Jisung’s knees to ground herself as she closes the distance between them, lips just brushing against each other’s at first; like butterfly wings, delicate.

Jisung’s lips are a little sticky; they taste like cherry lemonade—which is the flavor of Minha’s chapstick that Jisung is always stealing from her. She can feel Jisung’s lips curve into a smile against the press of their mouths, and Minha automatically does the same.

That’s when Minha stops hesitating, she deepens the press of their mouths; she kisses Jisung like she always wants to be kissed herself. Soft, but eager; warm and titillating; hot and breathy. Minha leads the kiss not like one would lead a battle where one is trying to outdo the other, but instead grasping at closeness and eager to share one breath, one space, one unforgettable moment.

When they have no choice but to pull away for air, Jisung looks dazed and Minha almost swoops in again for another one, except she also has to catch her breath.

“See, if you told me years ago you were in love with me we could have been doing that all along,” Jisung retorts, cheeky but giggly.

“Shut up,” Minha returns, giggling as she plants light, fleeting kisses all over Jisung’s face. “It’s better having you catch up on your own time. Isn’t that what My Pace is about?”

Jisung grins. “This is why I love you, unnie,” she says, throwing her arms around Minha’s neck and pulling her in for a comfortable hug. “What are we going to tell the others, unnie?” 

“Do we need to tell them anything?”

Jisung shrugs. “Maybe we can at least tell Ae-unnie and Hyunjinnie?”

Minha pulls away some, and lifts a questioning eyebrow.

“Yes. I do know about them.” Jisung giggles. “I do share a wall with Hyunjin and I’m not blind or deaf, you know.”

Minha laughs. 

“I think I’ll feel kinda bad knowing about them and them not knowing about us.”

“Us?”

“Aren’t we an ‘us’ now?” Jisung looks at Minha with big, button eyes full of expectations.

Minha chortles. “Well what does being ‘us’ mean?”

“Oh.” Jisung laughs. “Um. I don’t know. Just… us. Except now, we kiss too.”

Minha cackles and plants another quick kiss on Jisung’s lips. “Okay. But Changae isn’t stupid. She has an idea—about me, anyway. She’s been all up in my business about you. Or my feelings for you, anyway.”

Jisung frowns. “You know she made some kind of passing comment to me, too. Something about you waiting for—God, I don’t even know.” She laughs. “Honestly, I tuned her out. Was too busy picking an outfit for today.”

“That little shit,” Minha comments, shaking her head; but she can’t really bring herself to be mad, or to even complete any thought regarding their bandmate, not when Jisung is tightening her hold around her, lips puckered and ready to distract her from everything else around them.

And maybe she doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing; a relationship between the two of them is risky; troublesome. Fan service is all fun and games, but just because the fans love to see them together, it doesn’t mean that fans will support them being together.

But Jisung is kissing her, and Minha is left with no excuses for not taking the plunge. So she goes with the easy, obvious choice—she chooses Han Jisung.

❁

KISS! KISS! The concert crowd is chanting, and so the rest of Stray Kids follow suit. KISS!

Jisung laughs, and gives Minha a playful look. “What about it, unnie?”

It’s the last comment section for Day 2 of the Tokyo stop at the concert, and Jisung had just made a seemingly nonchalant comment about the deep shade of red the make-up artists had decided to use on Minha for the night; Minha is pretty sure it had been calculated though, something Jisung chose to say to get the maximum rise out of the audience, and it seems to have worked.

“Tch.” Minha pretends to be unfazed, but her entire face actually feels really warm. It’s probably a good thing that her face is caked with foundation, and that, along with the lighting, ensures that she won’t come off looking like a ripe tomato. Still, she’s sure that fantaken pictures and videos will make rounds on the internet later, showing that her ears are glowing red—she resolves to ask the make-up artists to preemptively apply concealer on them as well next time. “Why?!” She puts on a bemused expression and gestures feigned confusion with her hands. The action, of course, only has the crowd growing wilder.

“It's just a kiss, unnie,” Jisung teases, “and the audience clearly wants it.”

Minha laughs; this time she crosses her arms across her chest and starts to turn away from Jisung. Except the latter is spry and petite and she’s on her other side before the crowd can even yell BODDARAMJWI! in full.

“Mwah!” Jisung gives her a loud, wet smack on the cheek, and the uproar from the audience is deafening. It gives Minha a boost of energy and ego, mixed with crazy fluttering in her stomach. She only laughs.

She and Jisung have done so much more, and so much worse behind closed doors. A kiss on the cheek is very wholesome, all things considered, but it feeds the fans. It’s a little icky, thinking it’s spank bank fodder for a lot of their male fans—but when Minha thinks of it as ultimately something that’s hers and Jisung’s; that ultimately it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, she feels better. Fans already make 50-minute compilations of their moments, anyway, so she’ll give them a bit more—because it means she gets away with a little bit more too, and no one is wiser for it.

“Ah. Really!” She huffs and gestures at the crowd. “How about you guys do it, too? Kiss the person next to you!” 

“What?” Jisung laughs and gives a strange but fond look. “You want them to kiss their fellow Stays?”

Minha laughs. “Why not! We all love each other here!”

Jisung shakes her head. “Don’t listen to her, she’s weird!”

“You like weird, Jisungie. You kissed weird,” Minha says pointing at her cheek, where she’s pretty sure faint red marks from her girlfriend’s lipstick have been left behind.

The rest of the members groan; in part from exasperation at her and Jisung's antics, and in part because Minha is weird and everyone in the theater knows it.

“Anyway!” Chae interrupts, chuckling. “The next one is our last song—”

NOOOOOOOO!! The enthusiastic cheering from their fans transforms into lighthearted booing.

“No?” Jisung laughs. “Yes!”

“Yes!” Minha echoes.

“For our last song,” Change continues, opting to ignore them, “Haven!”

Once again, the crowd goes wild as the opening beats of Haven starts to play. Jisung grabs Minha’s hand, hooking their fingers together as they run across the stage enthusiastically singing—almost yelling— their parts of the song.

Little joys, really—but it’s the sum of all the parts that’s really important.

(Backstage, once they’re done, the first thing that Jisung does is drape her sweaty self all over Minha on the couch.

“Gross,” Minha tells her, but she doesn’t really move to push her girlfriend off of her.

“NMIXX’s debut showcase clips are up!” Chae announces in the background as she waves her tablet around, an invitation for the other members to crowd around her if they want to watch.

Minha and Jisung only exchange silent glances. “Wanna watch with them?” Minha asks quietly.

“I don’t really want to move,” Jisung mutters.

Minha laughs and maneuvers their positions so that they’re still tangled, without Jisung having to move on her own. Momentarily, she revels in the feeling of her girlfriend against her; in the feeling of Jisung's soft weight squishing her and she holds back a fond giggle. Finally, she reaches for her phone and clicks on the link that Chae earlier sent to their KaTalk group chat, before sharing the screen with Jisung.

“They’re really good,” Jisung whispers as the video plays. “Their vocal line is very strong—much stronger than ours.”

They've heard their juniors’ song before, playing loudly from the practice room that NMIXX uses; they’re well aware that they're very talented. They've heard them sing before at monthly evaluations, but their debut stage is NMIXX's first polished stage and it takes Minha back to their own debut — and she can’t help but remember how rough and green she used to be; can’t help but recall the mistakes she made during their first showcase.

“Well, I guess that’s it for us,” she jokes as the clip comes to an end. 

Jisung rolls her eyes and scoffs as she punches Minha’s shoulder. “We’re not supposed to compare ourselves,” she points out.

Wonder Girls had made way for Miss A, who had made way for TWICE, who had made way for Stray Kids—but they all existed together at different points in time, and following in their footsteps is now NMIXX. That would be a better way of looking at things, Minha knows—she just thinks it's fun getting a rise out of her girlfriend.

“You’re the one who was paranoid about their debut!” Minha counters, laughing.

“Doesn’t matter. Stray Kids are Stray Kids.”

Minha knows that Jisung doesn’t completely believe that—at least not yet; but she’s trying and Jisung is an expert at faking it 'til she makes it so Minha smiles at her, big and bright.

“It’s okay, Jisungie. If they steal our fans, at least I can focus on more important things. Like—” she leans close to whisper; their secret isn’t common knowledge yet, “My girlfriend.”

“Yah!” Jisung laughs and slaps her arm again. “Yah!”

And then Minha is cracking up; she’s joking, but all jokes are half meant. She enjoys her life as an idol; her life as part of Stray Kids—and she appreciates her fans. She wouldn’t give it all up easily, but if they’re all taken from her—then so be it. At the end of the day, it’s Jisung that she loves, and Jisung who loves her.

So.

Life goes on for them.)