Chapter Text
For most of his life, Dream has lived in a town where everything was small- small houses, small stores, small schools. Even the trees were smaller. So it’s a shock when he steps into his new high school on his first day and sees the absolutely massive hallway stretching out before him. Sunshine pours in from skylights, dappling the floor in gold. The ceiling is higher up than any he’s seen before, the windows large enough for him to fit comfortably in. And it’s packed full of more students than the whole population of his old town.
All he can say is, “Wow.”
Next to him, Punz whistles long and low. “Damn. This place is huge. Definitely an upgrade.” He eyes two girls walking past. “And lots of pretty girls, too.”
“Punz!” Dream scolds, but the slap he places on his brother’s arm is half-hearted. Punz has always been a ladies’ man, flirting with almost every girl that catches his eye, and they usually flirt back. Dream- well, Dream is both gay and fairly shy, two characteristics that haven’t done his love life any favors.
He sticks close to his brother as they venture deeper into the school building, trying to avoid meeting anyone’s gaze. He needs to find Sapnap, his online friend who goes here. Sapnap has been his best friend since they met via Skype at 11, and Dream is excited to finally meet Sapnap in person. He’s not so excited to be at a new school where he knows no one, but with Sapnap and Punz here, he should be okay.
It’s a familiar white bandanna that catches his eye, and Dream perks up when he sees the person wearing it. “Sapnap!” he calls, wincing when his voice cracks embarrassingly. He clears his throat and tries again, louder this time: “Sapnap!”
Sapnap turns, spots Dream, and hurries over, grinning from ear to ear. “Dude!” He doesn’t look any different in person than online: same messy black hair, slate blue eyes, and crooked teeth. It’s nice to know that some things haven’t changed, and Dream grins just as wide as he hugs his friend for the very first time. Sapnap eagerly hugs back, and Dream decides that he gives good hugs.
“You’re shorter than I thought you would be,” is the first thing Sapnap says when they separate. He looks down at Dream and crooks an eyebrow.
Dream blushes. His height has always been a slightly embarrassing topic for him- he’s the only senior boy he knows who’s 5’7. “Yeah. I guess Punz is the one with any growth genes.”
Sapnap looks at Punz, who towers over both of them at 6’4, and nods. “Makes sense. Nice to see you, dude.”
“Likewise.” Punz and Sapnap move to slap each other on the shoulders at the same time, and they both burst out laughing. Dream smiles, glad to see his brother and his best friend getting along. Punz hadn’t talked to Sapnap much online, but their personalities fit together almost as well as Dream and Sapnap’s do.
“Well, Dreamie, how do you like your new school?” Sapnap drapes an arm around Dream’s shoulder, and it feels natural, like Sapnap had been doing it for forever.
“It’s big,” Dream says truthfully.
“Just like me,” Punz adds, smirking.
Dream swats his brother across the shoulder. “Shut up. You’re literally tiny. George is probably bigger than you.”
“Woah!” Sapnap barks out a startled laugh. “I didn’t expect that.”
“I have my moments,” Dream says, allowing himself a small smirk. “Where is George, by the way?”
“Sleeping, probably,” Sapnap replies.
“On the first day of school?” Punz wonders.
Sapnap dismisses the question with a wave of his hand. “You know George. He’s always sleeping.” Which is true- even though Dream, George, and Sapnap have always lived in the same timezone, George seemed to be asleep at the weirdest moments. He would text Dream good night at 10 AM and good morning at dinnertime.
“Anyways-” Sapnap squeezes Dream’s shoulders. “School is pretty big, but you get used to it pretty quickly. And there’s lots of hot guys.” Sapnap winks.
“Stop it, Sap.” Blushing, Dream leans away from his friend’s arm. “You know I could never talk to any of my crushes. Besides, Mama would kill me if I started dating.”
Punz gives him a look. “What the hell are you talking about? She would kill me if I started dating, but you actually do good in school, and she trusts you. She wouldn’t mind you dating so long as they were a nice person.”
“I guess that’s true,” Dream mumbles. “But still. I’ve never asked any of my crushes out, and I don’t plan on starting.”
“You never know,” Sapnap singsongs. “What if you meet someone you really, really like? Then it would definitely be worthwhile to ask them out.”
“I’m not-” Dream starts to argue, but he stops when he realizes that a lot of odd behavior has started in the crush of students around him. Girls rapidly fluff their hair or pull out mirrors to check their makeup. Boys cross their arms or glare at the ground. It’s like some hot K-pop idol is coming through, and the girls are trying to make sure they look good while the boys are green with envy.
Punz seems to notice the change too. “What’s going on?”
“You’ll see,” Sapnap says quietly. “Just watch.”
Dream does, standing on his tiptoes, and after a moment of straining, he spots a boy walking down the hallway. But not just any boy- the prettiest, most good-looking boy Dream has ever laid eyes on.
Time seems to slow, giving Dream plenty of time to ogle. The boy has a crop of messy, dark brown hair that seems effortleslsy styled to look permanently windswept. His eyes are the color of milk chocolate, a color that makes them look warm and a little mysterious. He has a strong, sharp jaw, a handsome nose, and a tiny smirk that looks as if he doesn’t wear it on purpose, but it’s always there.
The rest of the boy is just as good looking- broad shoulders that could belong to a football player, a tall frame (at least 6’3), and lean but muscled legs. He is, in short, hot .
And Dream is already totally and hopelessly in love.
He struggles to breathe as the boy walks past, ignoring all the girls fluttering their eyelashes at him. For a moment, he pauses to adjust his bag straps and turns slightly to the left. The single motion is all it takes for his eyes to meet Dream’s.
Dream bites back a squeak, feeling like he might pass out from pure flusteredness. He gazes into the boy’s warm brown irises, understanding for the first time what it means to get lost in someone’s eyes. But just as quickly as he’d turned, the boy looks away and continues down the hall, and the moment is shattered.
Wow , is all Dream’s dazed brain can think.
Surely it must be illegal for someone to be that attractive. Surely that boy isn’t possibly as handsome as he looks. Surely there must be some flaw with his appearance. But either Dream hadn’t seen any, or his lovestruck mind had automatically erased any imperfections. Both possibilities seem equally likely.
“Earth to Dream?” Sapnap’s voice snaps Dream out of his daze. “Oh, no, I know that look. Dream, listen to me- you can’t fall in love with that guy.”
“Huh?” Dream blinks at Sapnap, trying to get his short-circuited brain back online. “What do you mean?”
Sapnap sighs. “You shouldn’t fall in love with Illumina. It… would be a bad idea.”
His name is Illumina , Dream thinks. Pretty name . Then Sapnap’s words register, and he blinks again at his friend. “Why not? He looks nice.”
“Oh, sure, he’s nice,” Sapnap says. “In fact, he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. He’s Canadian, so he’s always super polite. But he’s a heartbreaker. Every girl that’s asked him out has gotten rejected. He’s probably rejected all the girls in the whole school. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s straight- although I’ve never asked him.”
Dream swallows. That’s what he’s always been afraid of- hot boys being straight. Of course, he never talks to his crushes anyways, so it doesn’t really matter. But still- it hurts knowing he’ll never have a chance, even if he does work up the courage to speak.
“Then I won’t fall in love with him,” is all Dream can say.
Sapnap sighs. “Dream, I saw the look on your face. You are totally in love with him. But don’t get your hopes up, okay? From what I’ve seen, he’ll just reject you.”
“I’m not going to ask him out,” Dream argues. “I’ll just admire from afar.”
“Still, you should probably avoid him. He gets even more charming if you talk to him.” Sapnap’s voice is laced with begrudging admiration. “I swear, you’d think that guy could afford to leave some charm for the rest of us. We’re not all that hot.”
“You have boyfriends,” Dream points out. “I think you’re plenty hot.”
Sapnap gasps, his usual joking manner falling back into place. “Oh my god, Dream, are you hitting on me? Is this the start of our slow burn Dreamnap fanfic?”
“Shut up,” Dream giggles. He shoves his friend, but his mind is anywhere but a Dreamnap fanfic. Instead, it’s on Illumina- gorgeous, heartachingly handsome Illumina, whom Dream is definitely, totally, and hopelessly in love with.
He’s sung this song before. He knows how it goes. A good-looking boy catches his eye, and he’ll pine for a while- days, weeks, even months. Every day he tells himself that he’ll talk to his crush tomorrow, but by the next day he’ll have convinced himself that he should wait one more day. After some amount of time, his feelings start to slowly fade until he no longer has a crush.
But this time, he’s not singing about a prince. This time, it’s an angel, handsome beyond mortal standards. He has a feeling that this song is going to be different- longer, more passionate, more painful when it ends. And all Dream can do is keeping singing and hope the song doesn’t break his heart.
---
His first day goes surprisingly okay. A few teachers raise their eyebrows when he says he goes by Dream, making him shrink into his seat, but other than that, it’s mostly smooth sailing. He even makes a new friend- a guy in his English class named Techno. Techno is different from Dream himself in a lot of ways- sarcastic, deadpan, and tall - but he shares the same nerdy introvert qualities that makes Dream like him instantly.
They walk to lunch together, and on the way to the cafeteria, they pass by Illumina. He has his nose buried in a book and doesn’t seem to notice them, but Dream still blushes furiously and ducks his head. It would be mortifying if his crush saw how red his cheeks were and guessed his true feelings, especially if said crush was one of the most popular boys in the whole school.
“Bruh,” Techno comments as soon as Illumina turns the corner. “Not you too. I swear every single person in this buildin’ has had a crush on him.”
Dream blushes harder and tugs on the collar of his sweater. “I know,” he mumbles. “But I can’t really help it. He’s hot, and I’m gay. I don’t really get many options, so if I come across a hot guy, I’m gonna crush on him.”
To Dream’s surprise, Techno barks out a laugh. “Fair enough. Couldn’t be me, though.” As if to prove his point, the aroace pin on his bag flashes under the fluorescent lights.
“Well, we’re not all immune to romantic feelings,” Dream grumbles. His cheeks still feel hot, as if the mere memory of Illumina’s presence is making his blood flow.
Techno shrugs. “L. Just be careful. He’s a nice guy and all, but he turns down everyone who asks him out. Dunno if he’s even into boys, so don’t get your hopes up. I’d hate for you to get your heart broken durin’ your first week.”
“Aww, you do care about me,” Dream teases.
“Nah, I just want my first competent rival in ages to survive long enough to make it to finals week.”
“So we’re rivals now. Wonderful. Do you even know Illumina? Why does everyone seem to say he’s a nice guy like they know him?”
“Because he talks to everyone.” Techno scoffs. “When I say he’s a nice guy, I mean he will literally offer to drive you home even if he doesn’t know you. I guess it’s reassurin’ to know that there are some good people left on this planet, but he is seriously too nice for his own good. If it weren’t for the fact he rejects everyone, he could become the next Kvasir. Smart, funny, and literally helps everyone, even if they don’t deserve it.”
“Isn’t that the spit guy from Norse mythology?”
Techno snorts. “Please continue to call him ‘the spit guy’. Ms. Robins will have an aneurysm.”
Dream giggles as they reach the cafeteria. “Do you want to sit together?”
“Actually, my twin brother made me promise to sit with him.” Techno makes a face. “Sorry. We can sit together tomorrow, though.”
“Sure!” Dream agrees. “See you tomorrow, Techno!”
But four hours later, Dream isn’t sure he’ll even make it to tomorrow. He manages to land himself a stern talk with his Spanish teacher after his last period because he’d mispronounced the word and it had sounded like a swear. Dream explains that it was a mistake, and his teacher seems to believe him and bids him a good afternoon, but by the time he rushes out of the classroom, it’s fifteen minutes after dismissal. He was supposed to drive home with Punz, but his brother will probably have left by now. To make matters worse, his phone is dead, so he can’t contact anyone.
He sprints to the parking lot, praying the whole way that his brother had waited for him. No such luck. Punz’s white Jeep is gone from its parking spot in the morning. Dream’s brother had probably assumed he had stayed behind for a club and would walk home, or get one of their moms to pick him up.
Obviously, Dream can’t call Puffy to pick him up. He could walk, but it’s at least thirty minutes to their house, and the sky looks stormy. If it rains while he’s walking, then he’s screwed.
Dream is thinking over his options and feeling generally sorry for himself when a voice calls out, “Hey, do you need a ride?”
He turns, and his heart almost falls out of his chest.
The person who had spoken is none other than Illumina. He’s leaning against a sleek black motorcycle, a helmet tucked under his arm. His hair looks even more windswept than it had this morning, and now he’s wearing a black leather jacket that seems to hug his broad shoulders. His coffee colored eyes meet Dream’s, just like they had this morning, and Dream feels simultaneously like he’s sinking through the earth and floating into the sky.
“Um,” he squeaks. Those eyes have thoroughly short-circuited his brain, not to mention that Illumina’s voice is almost as hot as his face. It’s rich and deep, not quite as deep as Techno’s but low enough to send shivers down Dream’s spine. He loves it, wants to listen to it for the rest of eternity.
Illumina sets the helmet down on the seat of his motorcycle and walks closer. All the air is suddenly and violently sucked out of Dream’s lungs until he can barely breathe. His vision tunnels, cutting out the rest of the world and leaving only Illumina. His brain feels fuzzy, his ears clogged like he’s underwater, and the only thing he can think about are those warm brown eyes.
Breathe, Dream , he tries to tell himself. But he can’t, not when his crush is standing right before him, eyes scanning his face as if searching for his soul.
“You run really fast,” Illumina says unexpectedly. “Do you do track?”
The question is startling enough to penetrate through Dream’s brain fog. “Uh,” he stammers. “At my old school, y-yeah.”
Illumina’s face breaks out into a dazzling smile, and Dream almost faints on the spot. There’s a dimple on Illumina’s left cheek, and his teeth are movie-star straight. Dream can even smell the minty cologne on his breath, and it’s addicting. He thinks he could sniff it for years and never get tired.
“That explains a lot,” Illumina murmurs, still staring at Dream and smiling his brilliant smile. “Hell, you might even be faster than me.”
“We could race,” Dream blurts without thinking. He mentally slaps himself immediately after, his cheeks going bright red. Why did he say that? It’s not like the school heartthrob and popular boy would ever want to race with a nobody like him.
But to his surprise, Illumina grins. “You know, I would take you up on that if it wasn’t about to rain. But you look like you don’t have a way to get home, so-” Illumina gestures behind him at the motorcycle. “Do you want a ride?”
Dream blushes, feeling flustered just from the offer and Illumina’s bright grin. Don’t get excited , he tries to chide himself. Techno said he offers to drive anyone home . Still, he can’t help but wonder if Illumina gives everyone he drives home that brilliant smile- or compliments them on how fast they run.
“I can walk,” he says, but his words come out half-hearted. He doesn’t want to walk home, and besides- a motorcycle ride with the hottest boy in the school? How can he say no?
Illumina seems to notice Dream’s tone, because he shakes his head. “No, I’m driving you. Come on.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“What’s your name, then?”
Dream blushes again and mumbles, “Dream. It’s a nickname.”
“Cool. My name’s Illumina, but you probably already know that.” Illumina starts walking back to the motorcycle, and Dream hurries to keep up with the brunette’s long strides. He can understand now why Illumina has such nice legs- it comes from track, probably. The thought makes him blush for no good reason.
“Interesting choice of vehicle,” he can’t help but say as they reach the motorcycle. His brain is in overdrive, screaming that he’s about to go on a motorcycle ride with the hottest boy in the school, and he struggles to keep himself calm. He tries to tell himself that it’s only going to be a one time thing, that Illumina is just driving him home and nothing else, but his brain doesn’t seem to get the memo.
Illumina laughs, a rich and playful sound that makes Dream’s knees feel a little weak. “Yeah. It was my brother’s motorcycle, actually. Our parents gave him a new one for his 20th birthday, and he let me have his old one. I took it on a few rides and really liked it, so I decided to keep it.”
Dream clings onto every word with maybe a tiny bit of desperation. Illumina talks in a calm, easygoing way that makes him even more pleasant to listen to, and now Dream realizes that he has a very faint faint accent.
After a few moments, Dream manages to place it. “You’re Canadian, right?” He thinks that was what Sapnap had said this morning.
“Yeah, I am.” Illumina shoots Dream a pleased smile, one that makes Dream’s heart flutter wildly. “I was born in Edmonton, but my family moved here when I was ten.” He puts on the motorcycle helmet, then takes another one hanging from the handlebars and hands it to Dream. “Here, put this on.”
Dream takes it, flushing as his fingers brush against Illumina’s. He puts the helmet on and fiddles with the straps as Illumina clambers onto the motorcycle with a practiced ease. The brunette looks totally in his element on the motorcycle, with his hair peeking out from beneath his helmet and his leather jacket matching the motorcycle’s seat, and, well- Dream would be lying if he said Illumina didn’t also look really, really hot.
His cheeks red, Dream comes closer and slowly clambers onto the motorcycle behind Illumina. He’s never been on a motorcycle before, so it takes a little bit of shuffling around before he feels like he’s in the right position. Even still, he’s not quite sure what to do with his hands and feet.
Luckily, Illumina seems to sense his confusion and directs him. “Alright, so when we start going, you want to wrap your arms around my waist and hold on. Put your feet behind mine on the foot rests, and move your body with mine. So if I lean forward, you lean forward too. Got it?”
“Yeah,” Dream replies, his heat fluttering at the thought of putting his arms around Illumina’s waist. From here, he can mostly only see the broad expanse of Illumina’s back, but it isn’t exactly an awful view.
“Okay.” Illumina’s hand moves, and the engine rumbles to life, purring hard like a content cat. Dream slowly grabs onto Illumina’s waist, shivering at the feeling of the brunette’s toned muscles beneath his arms. Why, oh why, does Illumina have to have actual abs ? At this rate, he might not even survive the motorcycle ride. There’s a good chance he’ll faint in the middle of it.
“Your address?” Illumina asks.
Dream tells him. “It’s sort of far out, sorry.”
“Don’t be. Alright, here we go,” Illumina calls, and just like that, they take off. They go slow as first, but as soon as they’re out of the parking lot, Illumina guns the engine and they pick up speed, zooming down the street. It’s surprisingly fun, and Dream lets out a delighted whoop.
Illumina laughs in response. “Enjoying yourself?” he calls over the rumble of the engine.
“Yeah,” Dream admits. “This is really fun. I can see why you like it.”
“It makes me feel like I’m flying.” Illumina turns down a street. “Am I going the right way? I don’t have GPS up, so I’m just relying on my mental map.”
“Yeah, you’re going the right way.” Dream squeezes a little tighter, shivering as Illumina’s muscles flex slightly beneath his arms. F*ck, this ride really might be the death of him. If only Illumina’s abs didn’t feel so toned- then maybe Dream could actually breathe and have a normal heartrate.
They tear down the street, turning a few corners and winding down narrow roads. As they travel, Dream carefully shifts a little closer and breathes in. Illumina’s minty cologne fills his nose, and he sighs softly. Suddenly, he doesn’t want this ride to end. He wants to sit on this motorcycle forever, his arms around Illumina’s waist, riding into the sunset together until the stars are out and the moon is high in the sky.
But all good things come to an end, and soon they’ve reached Dream’s neighborhood. Reluctantly, Dream points to a blue house at the end of the street. “That’s my house over there.”
Illumina slows down, and they roll to a stop in front of Dream’s driveway. The brunette turns off the engine, but something inside Dream roots him to the spot. He doesn’t want to get up. He wants to sit here for the rest of eternity and-
The front door bangs open, and Dream’s mom rushes over. “Duckling!” she cries. “Where have you been? You didn’t come home with your brother!”
“Sorry, Mama,” Dream mumbles. Illumina throws him an amused look, and he blushes furiously. He clambers off of the motorcycle, stumbling a bit as his feet make contact with the ground, and hands his helmet to Illumina. “Here you go.”
Puffy places her hands on her hips and gives Illumina a fierce, protective look. “Who are you?”
“Illumina Berries, ma’am,” Illumina replies, also hopping off of the motorcycle and politely dipping his head. If he’s flustered by Puffy’s intensity, he doesn’t show it. “I gave Dream a ride.”
Dream’s insides feel fluttery at Illumina saying his name for the first time. F*ck, the brunette should have no right to make his nickname from when he was 11 sound so damn nice. But yet here Illumina stands in all his windswept-haired, broad-shouldered, dimpled-smile glory, like a prince straight out of a fairy tale.
Puffy’s expression softens a bit, and she puts an arm around Dream. “Did you ask him to, duckling?”
“Well, he sort of insisted,” Dream says, trying to ignore Illumina’s laugh. “But yeah. I, um, got pulled over after class because I accidentally swore in Spanish. I’m not in trouble or anything, but the teacher wanted to talk to me, and by the time I left Punz had already gone home, and my phone was dead so I couldn’t call you.”
“Oh. Well, remember to charge your phone tonight.” Puffy steps forward and holds out her hand to shake Illumina’s. “Thank you for bringing my duckling home. He might’ve gotten lost if he tried to walk.”
“Mama!” Dream whines, and he buries his burning face into Puffy’s shoulder.
Puffy laughs, and so does Illumina. Dream’s face burns even more. It feels unlikely that uber-nice Illumina would be laughing at him, but he can’t imagine Illumina would be laughing because of him. He hadn’t done anything even remotely funny.
He pulls away from Puffy, keeping his eyes downcast- he doesn’t think he could bear to meet Illumina’s gaze right now. “Thanks for driving me, Illumina,” he murmurs.
“No problem,” Illumina replies easily. Dream can see his sneakers tapping a pattern out on the concrete. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you,” Dream mumbles, still not looking up. His cheeks feel hot as he watches Illumina’s feet walk away, then listens to the engine rumble to life. Only after the roar of the motorcycle has become distant does Dream look up and glare at his mom. “Mama!”
Puffy’s eyes twinkle knowingly. “What is it, duckling?”
“Why would you say that? You embarrassed me!”
His mom laughs. “Oh, duckling, you’re so adorable. You have a crush already, don’t you? I can see it on your face.”
Dream flushes. “He’s cute, okay? And he’s really nice.”
“Yes, I suppose he is,” Puffy says, tilting her head. “He certainly is a gentleman. I’m sorry for embarrassing you, duckling, I just couldn’t help myself.” She kisses Dream’s hair. “Now, come in and have some cookies. Your mum just took them out of the oven.”
“Okay,” Dream agrees, but he can’t help but turn to look at the spot where Illumina’s motorcycle was before following his mom inside.
---
Tuesday goes a little more smoothly than Monday. Using a map, Dream somehow manages to make it to all his morning classes without getting lost. At lunch, he sits with Techno and Techno’s twin brother, Wilbur. They share middle school stories- Wilbur had started a nation in the boys’ bathroom in 6th grade, Techno had had a full-out war with a kid named Squid over whose potato plant would grow the largest, and Dream himself had once dodged some bullies by climbing onto the roof and balancing on a telephone line- a feat that had prompted Punz to spend the next week proudly telling everyone that his little brother had become Tarzan.
And then biology comes, and Dream wants to die the moment he steps into the classroom. Because he recognizes that person with dark, windswept hair sitting in the front row. He’s in the same class as Illumina, his crush- which means that he probably won’t survive the week, never mind the whole year.
It becomes worse when he finds out his seating arrangement- a desk two behind and one to the right of Illumina’s. The positioning means that whenever he looks up to see the board, Illumina’s handsome face and chiseled jaw will be directly in his field of view. How can he focus on the lesson when the hottest boy in the universe is basically right in front of him, begging to be admired?
Dream tries to pay attention to the teacher as class starts, but it’s hard . Whenever he lifts his head from his notebook, Illumina is there, brushing his dark locks out of his face or twirling a pencil between his long fingers. It becomes distracting very, very quickly, and it takes every once of Dream’s self-control to keep his eyes on the teacher. F*ck, what does he do now? He wants to pass all his classes, but especially biology. He needs to pass biology if he’s going to become a nurse, and how is he going to get good grades when Illumina is so damn distracting?
His attention strays off again. As he watches, Illumina scribbles something down and licks his lips, drawing Dream’s attention to them. They look perfect, just like the rest of Illumina, and rather kissable.
Stop it, Dream , he scolds himself. Don’t think about kissing him. He doesn’t even like you back . But his brain continues to conjure up wild scenarios, scenes where Illumina pulls him close and leans down and-
Suddenly, Illumina turns his head and meets Dream’s gaze. Dream turns bright red and freezes, mortified to be caught staring. But Illumina doesn’t look weirded out. Instead, the brunette winks. Then, like nothing had happened, he turns back to his notebook and continues doodling.
Dream sits there, frozen, feeling like his soul had just fallen out of his body while his heart had ascended to the heavens.
Illumina had winked at him. What does that mean? Was it a friendly “hey” wink, or was it something else? A wink with deeper meaning?
No. He can’t get his hopes up by allowing himself to believe that Illumina had meant something more than just “hello” with that wink. No matter how much he longs for Illumina to like him, the brunette will never return his feelings. But Dream has always been, well, a dreamer. And a big part of him, the irrational part of him, can’t help but hope, can’t help but imagine a future where Illumina pulls him close and kisses him with those perfect lips.
Gods. He’s screwed, isn’t he? Two days into his time at his new school, and he’s already pining for the school heartthrob, the one person who’s almost certainly guaranteed to never love him back.
Stop , he thinks, more forcefully this time. Stop thinking about him. Focus on your schoolwork so you can graduate at the top of your class .
He has a feeling that focusing on anything other than Illumina is going to be easier said than done.
---
His feeling is right. The rest of the week, Dream finds it difficult to do homework or really anything without his mind straying to Illumina at least once. The brunette just seems to take up so much of his headspace with those brown eyes and that charming, brilliant smile. Some things have begun to remind him of Illumina- the dark chocolate in the fridge that’s the exact same color as Illumina’s hair, Punz’s cologne that smells exactly like Illumina’s- and Dream can feel himself falling deeper and deeper with each time he sees his crush in class or in the hallways.
Sometimes, when he’s reading a book in the courtyard during break, he’ll overhear people talking about the school’s resident heartthrob. Usually it’s girls, whispering about how cute Illumina is. Overhearing these conversations only makes Dream feel worse about his crush. There are so many people falling over their heels for Illumina- why is he any different? To Illumina, he’s probably just another admirer in the crowd. This crush is just as hopeless as any of his other ones, even if Illumina didn’t have a reputation for turning everyone down.
Normally, that wouldn’t bother him. He’s had countless of crushes before, and he never felt that upset about the fact that they would never return his feelings. His crushes were just that- simple cases of puppy love. But for some reason, Illumina is different. Illumina makes him shiver like no one else ever has, causes his heart to flutter harder than it did for anyone else. Slowly, Dream’s emotions aren’t starting to seem like a mere crush anymore. They feel like, well. Being in love.
He wants Illumina to like him back more desperately than almost anything else. He wants to kiss the brunette on those stupidly perfect lips, wants to wrap his arms around Illumina’s neck and never let go. But there’s no chance of that, and it hurts maybe a little more than it should.
Then, on Wednesday of the second week of school, Dream’s biology teacher decides to bless his class with a group project. Dream immediately buries his face in his arms and lets out an inward groan, because his previous experiences with group projects have not been great. But then his teacher begins to announce the pairs, and the first two names called are-
“Dream and Illumina.”
Dream snaps his head up so fast his neck hurts. His heart pounding, he slowly turns around to look at Illumina, who has already stood up and is gathering his supplies to move over to Dream. Illumina is humming the Canadian anthem, his dark bangs peeking out from beneath the hood of his hoodie, and oh, Dream is really screwed now.
He isn’t sure if he’s happy with this arrangement or not. On the one hand, he gets an excuse to talk to his crush. On the other hand, he doesn’t even know if he wants to talk to his crush. Illumina could make him explode with just a singe smile, and Dream would rather keep the remaining shreds of his dignity. But his heart is desperate for any sort of affection from the brunette, even a few kind words, so he decides that he’s very happy with the partnership- though he doubts he’ll get anything done.
“Hey,” Illumina greets as he takes the desk next to Dream’s. The girl who’d just been sitting there pauses and flutters her eyelashes at him, but he doesn’t even seem to notice. His warm brown eyes are holding Dream’s, and Dream feels his cheeks go hot at the sudden attention.
“Hi,” he mumbles shyly. “So, um, the project?” Smooth, Dream, great job. Now he probably thinks you’re the most awkward person alive .
Illumina only smiles that dazzling smile that makes Dream’s insides feel all fluttery. “Yep. Which topic do you want to do?”
Dream forces himself to look away from Illumina and at the list of research topics scrawled on the whiteboard. “Um… spermatogenesis,” he says, blurting out the first thing that catches his eye.
Illumina, who had been taking a sip of water, snorts into his bottle, producing a metallic sort of sound. “Okay. Any particular reason why?”
“I mean, we’re guys, so it should make research a lot easier.”
To Dream’s surprise, Illumina actually laughs at the joke. A few people glance over, probably wondering why the popular boy is laughing when he’s partnered with the shy new kid, but all of Illumina’s attention seems to be fixed on Dream. The brunette smiles, his dimple flashing in a way that thoroughly destroys Dream’s ability to think. “Are you implying what I think you’re implying?”
“I don’t know. Am I?” Dream teases, surprising himself. He usually doesn’t let this playful side of himself come out often, but with Illumina it feels easy to joke around, like the brunette flips a natural switch in Dream’s brain. It’s nice.
Illumina laughs again. “Two guys doing a project on spermatogenesis with live research? That’s kinda gay.”
“Well, I am gay,” Dream says truthfully.
“You are?” Illumina shoots him an unreadable look- definitely not a judging one, but Dream can’t quite figure out the emotion behind it.”
He lifts his chin. “Yeah. What about it?” Some things he’s shy about, but his sexuality is not one of them. He’s always been a confident gay- one who has frequent gay panics over hot guys, but a confident one nonetheless.
“Nothing, nothing,” Illumina says quickly. “I’m supportive, I promise. I just- I didn’t know that.”
“Well, people don’t usually bother to ask me my sexuality,” Dream says dryly. “People don’t usually bother to talk to me, period.”
Illumina frowns like that confuses him. “That’s a shame. They’re missing out. You’re a fun person to talk to.”
He says it so matter-of-factly that Dream almost thinks he’s being sarcastic. But no- the expression on Illumina’s face is 100% earnest, and Dream blushes furiously. He looks down at his hands, not really sure what to do or say- because really, how do you respond to your crush telling you that you’re fun to talk to? Or your crush complimenting you, period?
“Thank you,” he mumbles, his cheeks burning. He looks up, shivers running up his spine when Illumina’s mocha-colored eyes meet his. They’re like melted chocolate, softer and warmer than anything he’s ever seen, and suddenly he’s drowning in them, sinking in a sea of brown.
Sh*t. He’s just become another character in a novel, hasn’t he? Shy, gay boy falls in love with the hot but straight heartthrob- he knows how this story goes. He knows that at the end, the gay boy is almost always rejected. He should save himself now, should pull himself out of this ocean before it’s too late, but how can he? How can he not be in love when everything about Illumina is just so damn gorgeous?
He can’t help it, can’t help his soft and romantic heart. He’s always been the type of person who falls in love easily, and this crush is one he can tell isn’t going to go away any time soon. The only thing he can do is hope he gets over it before his heart is shattered.
Just then, the bell rings, marking the end of class. Dream jumps at the sound. “Sh*t. We didn’t really get much done. And it’s due the day after tomorrow.”
“We can work on it today after school,” Illumina suggests. “I’m free.”
Dream’s heart flutters. “I am too. Um, my house or your house?”
“Either one works. I’ve got a cat, so if you’re allergic-”
“I have two cats.”
Illumina laughs his playful, lovely laugh. “Okay, then. We can go to my place. I’ll drive us.”
Another motorcycle ride , Dream thinks with a shiver of excitement. This day had just gotten a whole lot better. He’d been secretly longing to go on another ride with Illumina ever since the first day of school, and now that wish is being fulfilled.
The rest of the day passes painfully slowly, but finally the dismissal bell rings. Dream gathers his items and makes a beeline to the parkling lot. Just like last time, Illumina is leaning against his motorcycle and waiting, seemingly oblivious to the several girls openly ogling him.
Dream walks over. Illumina hands him a helmet, and he puts it on before climbing onto the motorcycle. Some people stop to stare, and he ducks his head, cheeks burning. He can almost hear what they’re thinking- why is that quiet kid getting on Illumina’s motorcycle ? It makes him feel like burying himself in the ground and never emerging again, or at least not until several years, like a cicada.
“Alright, let’s go,” Illumina says cheerfully. He doesn’t seem to notice the stares, and Dream wonders if that’s because the brunette is stared at so often that he’s learned to tune them out. Just another testament to how popular Illumina is- and Dream, the quiet new kid, the nobody, has a crush on him.
Feeling embarrassed, Dream wraps his arms around Illumina’s waist, trying not to shiver at the feeling. Illumina starts the engine, and in an instant, they’re shooting down the street. Despite his flusteredness at being so close to his crush, Dream lets out a laugh of joy at the wind ruffling through his hair and the smooth rumble of the engine beneath him.
They go the opposite way from Dream’s house this time. Dream clings on tightly even on the slower streets, heart fluttering every time he feels Illumina’s muscles shift under his arms. He has a sudden, embarrassingly vivid mental image of what Illumina must look like without a shirt on. His cheeks hot, he quickly shoves the image away into a dark corner of his mind. Better not to think about that, or he might explode.
Too soon, Illumina is slowing and turning into the driveway of an elegant two-story house. It’s much bigger and nice than Dream’s own house, but it still has that cozy, lived-in feel, with the flowerpots underneath the windows and the wind chimes hanging from the perch. There’s another sleek motorcycle parked in the driveway, and unlike Illumina’s, this one is a violent shade of lime green.
“My brother’s home,” Illumina notes, sliding gracefully off of his motorcycle. “I thought he had an afternoon class today. Maybe he got out early.” He throws Dream a swoon-worthy grin over his shoulder. “Guess you’re meeting my older brother. He’s a pretty fun person.”
“I gathered, based on his choice of paint,” Dream says dryly as he also climbs off. He follows Illumina to the porch, heart pounding at the realization that he’s about to go inside Illumina’s house. A twinge of pride runs through him. Illumina might not like him back, but surely he’s one of the few people at school who’ve been inside the brunette’s house.
Illumina unlocks the front door and pushes it open. The first thing Dream sees, to his surprise, is a cat. A Turkish Angora, by the looks of it, with sleek white fur and mismatched, blue-and-yellow eyes. It meows boldly at him, head tilted questioningly, like, Who are you ?
Dream can’t help but smile at the cat. He’s not great with people, but felines are a whole different story, and he doesn’t hesitate to bend down and offer the cat his hand. It comes closer and sniffs, not showing a single sign of fear. “Brave cat,” he notes.
“She’s pretty confident,” Illumina agrees, picking up his cat and scratching her behind the ears with his long fingers. She blinks at Dream over her owner’s shoulder, her nose twitching. “Her name is Wither Rose.”
“Hi, baby,” Dream coos, petting her on the head. “You’re a cute kitty, aren’t you?” She sniffs at his hand again, and he giggles at the tickling sensation. “Yes, I know, I smell like other cats.”
Illumina chuckles, a deep, rumbling sound that makes Dream feel a little lightheaded. He kisses Wither Rose behind the ears, then releases her. She follows Dream as he, in turn, follows Illumina into a sleek kitchen. There, sitting at the large island, is a college-aged boy with hair the same color as the motorcycle parked outside. He’s typing on a laptop with one hand and holding a cookie in the other, but when Dream and Illumina enter, he looks up and smiles.
“Illu! You brought a friend home.” The boy stands up and offers Dream his free hand and a friendly grin. “My name’s Fruit. I’m Illumina’s brother.”
Fruit’s friendliness is hard to resist, and Dream smiles back as he shakes. “I’m Dream,” he says, his voice coming out stronger than it usually does when he introduces himself. “I like your hair.”
“Thank you. My parents think it’s atrocious, but I think it’s quite a bold statement.”
“It is atrocious,” Illumina mutters, swiping the cookie from Fruit and shoving the whole thing into his mouth. The brunette manages to look attractive even with his mouth full, and he somehow chews and swallows the whole thing without having anything fall out. His Adam’s apple bobs, and Dream tries unsuccessfully to fight back a blush.
“Hey!” Fruit gives Illumina a good-natured swat across the shoulder. The whole interaction reminds Dream of his own older brother, except Punz would tease him a lot more in front of a friend from school- not that Dream brings home many friends from school.
He has to internally take back that statement as soon as Fruit slings his arm around Illumina’s shoulder and says, “Well, Illu, you finally managed to bring a friend that’s not Couri home. I’m proud of you.”
“Fruit!” Illumina yelps, batting his brother’s arm away and flushing an adorable shade of pink. “This is why I was in favor of you moving out.”
“Aww, c’mon, Illu,” Fruit teases. “You know you love me.”
“I do not,” Illumina mutters. He gives his brother a shove and moves to snatch up the plate of cookies sitting on the island. “C’mon, let’s go up to my room and get away from this idiot,” he says to Dream.
“Okay,” Dream says, blushing. I’m about to go into my crush’s room! This is where romance always happens in books! one part of his brain screams. The other part yells back, Stop it! He doesn’t like you and he never will! You’re just working on a biology project, not making out!
Oh, how Dream wishes he were about to make out with Illumina. That would be much nicer than working on a research project. But he’ll still be spending time with the brunette, if nothing else, so he dutifully follows Illumina upstairs, Wither Rose brushing up against his ankles. She seems to have assigned herself as either his personal guard or his personal stalker. Either way, Dream is happy that she decided to come with them. Things are always better with a cat around.
Illumina’s room is a little bigger than Dream’s. The walls are painted a soft shade of blue and are covered with posters of bands and books- Dream spots a Gryffindor House poster hanging next to a window. A queen-sized bed is tucked in the corner with a nightstand to its right and a desk across from it. The closet is a walk-in and filled with clothes in various shades of black, gray, and purple.
“Nice color variety,” Dream can’t help but say.
Illumina laughs. “Yeah, I have a bit of an issue with hoarding dark clothes.” He sits down on the patterned rug while Wither Rose stalks over to the cat tree at the foot of the bed. “Anyways, shall we get started?”
“Sure.” Dream sits down as well, his cheeks starting to heat up at how little space there is between him and Illumina. If he scooted a few inches closer, their knees would be touching. He’s tempted to do just that, but fear holds him back. This is his first real one-on-one time with Illumina- he can’t mess it up by making Illumina uncomfortable or making a fool of himself.
He and Illumina get out their laptops to start research, and for a few minutes they work in silence. Finally, Dream can’t take the quiet anymore and mumbles, “So, um, is your brother in college?”
“Yeah,” Illumina replies. Dream notices that the brunette seems to have a habit of poking his tongue out between his teeth when he’s focusing, which has no right being as attractive as it is. Without looking up from his computer, he continues with, “He’s in his last year, and then if he passes the LSAT, he’ll be going to law school.”
“Law school? Ew.”
“I know, right?” Illumina laughs, and Dream flushes. “I have no clue why he wants to be a lawyer, but I guess at least the pay is good. I would never be able to do that, though.”
“Law school does seem icky,” Dream agrees, completely forgetting about the open laptop in front of him. It’s hard for him to start conversations, but once he gets invested in one, he tends to forget everything else. “Then again, I guess nurse school will be just as bad. Maybe I shouldn’t go for that.”
Illumina looks up and tilts his head slightly, making his dark hair fall in a way that perfectly frames his brown eyes. “No, do it,” he says. “You would make a good nurse.”
Dream blushes, not sure if that’s a compliment but feeling flustered nonetheless- because, well, it’s Illumina, and Illumina’s warm eyes seem to have a way of making him feel extremely fluttery. “I would?” he mumbles.
“Yeah.” For the first time, some awkwardness creeps into Illumina’s tone, but the brunette plunges on. “You’re nice, so you would be good with patients, especially little kids. And you’re funny, so you could make them laugh. Plus-” Illumina makes a waving motion at Dream’s body. “I could see you in nursing scrubs.”
Despite himself, Dream giggles. “Now that’s something I’ve never heard before.” He lowers his voice and gruffly says, “Hey, baby girl, has anyone told you you would look great in nursing scrubs?”
Illumina laughs too. “That would be a terrible way to flirt.” He also lowers his voice. “Hey, babe, you could cut me open any time, ‘cause you look hot holding a scalpel.”
“That doesn’t even make sense. And it’s so… kinky ,” Dream says with a snort.
“Sh*t, you’re right.” Illumina grins a little sheepishly, which is frankly very adorable. “Well, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause I don’t think anyone could look hot holding a scalpel.”
“They could if you’re into people holding scalpels,” Dream points out.
“But who would be?”
“People who like their sharp objects, I guess.”
Illumina snorts, his brown eyes glittering with a mixture of concern and amusement. “What even is this conversation?”
“I dunno,” Dream says, twisting his fingers together and blushing. He looks down and quietly admits, “I think this is why I’m not a big fan of meeting new people. I’m always afraid that they’ll think I’m too weird.”
He doesn’t know why he’s revealing such a big part of himself to someone he just met less than two weeks ago, but it’s like he can’t stop the words from tumbling out. Something about Illumina- his warm mocha eyes, his charming smiles, his sweet and playful laughter- makes Dream want to spill all his insecurities and secrets. Illumina affects him way too much, and now he really isn’t sure if he’ll survive the year.
“Hey.” Illumina reaches out and touches his hand. Dream tries not to show how much it affects him, but he can’t help the shiver that runs through his body. Illumina’s hand is warm, warm, warm, and the contact sends tingles up Dream’s own hand.
“You’re not weird,” Illumina says firmly. “Well, you are, but in a good way. It’s refreshing. A lot of people here follow others, but you’re your own person. You’re quirky, and I like that about you.”
If Illumina had been trying to make Dream flustered, then he’d said exactly the right thing. Dream’s breath hitches, his heart going completely still in his chest. Illumina just said he liked me, Illumina just said he liked me , plays on loop in his brain. Well, indirectly, but still- Illumina just complimented him, and it feels better than a warm cup of hot chocolate.
He could say a million things, could have a million ways to thank Illumina. Instead, he asks, “‘Quirky’? Really?”
Illumina laughs, retracting his hand and making Dream’s chest twang with disappointment. “Well, yeah. If it’s any consolation, I’m quirky too.” He waves a hand at all the posters. “I’m pretty much the biggest Potterhead you’ll ever meet.”
“Oh yeah?” Dream challenges. “‘Cause I think I have you beat.”
“Damn.” Illumina’s lips curve into a little smirk, which is somehow even more aneurysm-inducing than his dazzling smiles. “Now I have to race you and test my Harry Potter knowledge against you. I should write all this down.”
“Maybe after we finish this project,” Dream says, remembering suddenly that he’s here to complete the biology research, not to chit chat.
“Oh, yeah.” Illumina looks back down at his laptop and clears his throat exaggeratedly. “‘ Spermatogenesis is a process that insures the production of fertilizing sperm… ’ Oh, and here’s a very detailed image.” Illumina’s perfect eyebrows arch at his laptop screen.
“Mmm, testicles,” Dream mumbles without thinking.
“ What ?” Illumina demands, and suddenly they’re both laughing. Dream has always been a little embarrassed by his laughter, a wheezing sound that resembles a tea kettle boiling, but for the first time he doesn’t care. His laughs seem to mix perfectly with Illumina’s, like they’re the instruments in a lilting symphony. And it feels amazing to be laughing with Illumina instead of breaking down separately.
As his wheezes start to die down, Dream can’t help but notice that Illumina looks somehow more gorgeous when he’s laughing hard. His neck is flushed red, his lips parted in a smile that reveals his dimples, his head tilted back in joy. When he opens his eyes, they lock with Dream’s, and suddenly it feels like they’re the only two people left in the world. Illumina’s warm irises swirl like seas of rich, deep chocolate, and Dream is mesmerized- by those eyes, and the dimple on Illumina’s left cheek, and the way his dark bangs fall stubbornly in his face. Suddenly, Dream wants to close the distance between them and kiss Illumina right on those perfect lips.
But the moment is broken just as quickly as it’d happened by a knock on the door. Fruit peeks his head in, his eyebrows raised. “You two okay? I heard noises that sounded like a frog dying. You didn’t step on Wither Rose, did you, Illu?”
“Oh, um, that was me,” Dream mumbles, embarrassed. “I have weird laughter.”
“It’s not weird,” Illumina argues. He’s still grinning, his face flushed from laughing so hard. “It’s unique. I like it.”
Dream blushes and wonders if there’s anything in the room he could hide behind without looking weird. “You’ve said about pretty much everything I’ve done.”
“Well, it’s true,” Illumina says matter-of-factly, making Dream blush even more. Gods above, why does his crush have to be so… sincere? And kind? If he were a jerk, then Dream would be able to get over him quickly. But no- Illumina is handsome, charming, and genuinely nice all rolled into one, and Dream is so absolutely f*cked. How can he get over his crush when Illumina’s friendliness just makes him want to know the brunette better?
Fruit’s eyebrows arch higher. “Look at you two, being best friends already,” he says. “Much as I love the positivity in here, I have to write my essay, so I’m going to leave you two. Have fun. And Illu- don’t burn your closet down again.”
“ One time !” Illumina yelps as Fruit closes the door. Dream hears laughter, then footsteps retreating down the hall.
Illumina drops his head into his hands and groans. “I swear I’m going to kill him.”
“Brothers are annoying,” Dream agrees sympathetically. “Especially older ones. Punz and I aren’t even that far apart- he’s only a few months older than me. We’re Irish twins, but still he manages to be the definition of an annoying older brother.”
“Punz seems… interesting,” Illumina says. “We have Spanish together, and he’s sort of a troublemaker. I’m kinda glad he’s here, though. A lot of girls seem to like him, so it takes the attention off of me.”
The words feel like a punch to Dream’s gut, reminding him of just how little of a chance he has. There are so many other better and prettier people pining after Illumina- he doesn’t even have a sliver of a chance. Why would someone as handsome and popular as Illumina pick someone as shy and quiet and average as him when the brunette could choose someone popular, someone pretty. A girl like Casey, the queen bee, or- in the off chance that Illumina isn’t straight- one of the hot football boys.
“Punz is a ladies’ man,” Dream mumbles, casting his gaze down and playing with one of the rug threads. “I think more girls still like you, though.”
Illumina sighs. “Yeah, I know. I don’t even try to be a popular kid- I just am. Maybe if people knew how nerdy I was, they wouldn’t like me as much. And if they knew that I was-” he breaks off. “Never mind.”
Dream’s curiosity spikes, but of course he doesn’t pry. Instead, he simply murmurs, “Sometimes I wish more people would like me. I don’t want to be a popular kid, but I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a lot of friends. Right now I’m just the stereotypical quiet kid in the back of the class. I wish I wasn’t.”
“Don’t be.” Illumina touches Dream’s hand again, and Dream can’t help but look up. His crush is looking at him, brown eyes soft, and Dream feels like his heart is beating right out of his chest. He wants to die, wants to bury himself in the ground and never reemerge. At the same time, he wants to lunge forward into Illumina’s arms and kiss the brunette until the end of eternity.
“There’s nothing wrong with being the quiet kid,” Illumina says firmly, his eyes steadily holding Dream’s. “Trust me, having a lot of friends isn’t as fun as you think. You get caught up in their drama. And in my experience, the ‘quiet’ kids are always the most interesting ones.”
Dream’s breath hitches. “Really?”
Illumina gives him a little smile, one that’s dazzling and sweet at the same time. “Yeah. I mean, you’re the most interesting person I’ve met all year. It’s nice.” Illumina hesitates, his eyes flicking briefly downwards, then adds, “And if you want, I’ll be your friend.”
Friends with Illumina . It’s far from dating him, far from being partners. But it’s not like Dream had been expecting that anyways. Being friends with Illumina is far better than being just acquaintances, and it’s probably the closest Dream is ever going to get with the brunette. So he nods, trying not to look too eager. “That- that would be nice.”
“Okay.” Illumina’s smile grows a little wider. “You can come sit at my table at lunch if you want, though my other friends tend to be very loud. You might get permanent ear damage.”
Dream giggles. “Thanks, but I’ll probably keep sitting with Sapnap. He’ll whine if I leave him.”
“Sapnap is such a class clown,” Illumina says with a playful laugh. “It’s funny, though. He would probably pick this topic.”
“He probably did,” Dream agrees. “And his presentation is going to be a disaster. Knowing him, he’ll incorporate the word ‘testicle’ into every sentence.”
Illumina laughs again and smiles at Dream. “Well, let’s hope our presentation is better than Sapnap’s. Shall we keep working?”
Dream’s heart flutters. He doesn’t want to keep working, doesn’t want to stop talking to Illumina, but he also wants a good grade. So he nods and looks back down at his laptop. Turns out, though, he has nothing to fear, because Illumina keeps up a steady stream of quiet conversation as they work. It feels natural, somehow, and it’s nice. Dream would stay here, talking, forever if he could.
When they finish, Illumina insists on giving Dream a ride back to his house. As the motorcycle zips along, trees and street lamps flying past, Dream closes his eyes and pretends that he and Illumina are soaring into the cornflower blue sky.