Chapter Text
"You're looking way too chipper, Childe." Arlecchino scrunched her nose, moving her seat loudly in an effort to get away from him and his overall… brightness. Who allowed him to even be here? "Stop that, it's disgusting."
"There's no need for that kind of attitude on the table, Arlecchino." Pantalone smiled from across her, leaning his chin on his intertwined hands. "Though, I must agree. Childe, you need to stop whatever it is you're doing with your face. It's horrid."
"You can't even see my face." Childe rolled his eyes back, leaning back with his smug smirk still plastered on his face.
"I don't need to see it to know what kind of face you're making." Somehow, Pantalone's smile turned even more sinister despite his muscles not moving the slightest bit. He leaned forward and his voice dropped into a deadpan, "Plus, I'll have to pay money to fix my eyes after being exposed to whatever disease you're bringing with you."
"You have practically all the money in the world." Childe shot back, raising an eyebrow in defiance.
"Now, now, let's settle down." Pulcinella butted in before Arlecchino could reach out and actually strangle Childe. They didn't need another dead Harbinger. "The meeting is about to end, anywaysThe meeting is about to end anyways.”
“Exactly, so stop bothering me about how I look, Knave.” Childe scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning back. “I’ll look as happy and chipper or as sad and dreadful as I want.”
“Well, you’re ruining the aesthetic.” Sandrone sneered from her spot far, far away from Childe like he was some kind of disease. “Honestly, could you have at least looked less bright?”
“Do you have a problem with how I look too?” Childe scowled.
“Yes.” Sandrone’s eyebrow twitched as she turned away with a small huff, “Honestly, look at how you dress. An utter disaster waiting to happen, that’s what I call it. Could you have chosen something less… bright.”
“She does make a point.” Dottore mused from his end, leaning forward to shoot a glance at Childe. “Did you have to pick the brightest red you own?”
“My fashion taste is my own.” Childe stuck out his tongue at the others as they looked at him with disgust. “Plus, he picked my outfit right now and he liked it!”
“I do not care who this he is.” Arlecchino reached over and was only stopped by a geo construct that was unwillingly put in between her and Childe by Pantalone (he had been urged by Pulcinella and he loathed to go against the respectable man) . She huffed and punched the wall as her eye twitched, “What matters here is your childish attitude-”
“When will you stop calling me that?” Childe let out a long suffering sigh despite the look of warning Pulcinella sent him. He shook his head and leaned back, sending the geo construct a disdainful look. “Honestly, you’re acting like I’ve never aged past 18.”
“Alright, I’ve had it.” Pierro thundered from the far end of the table, his hands slamming into the table as Capitano and Columbina sent the rest of the Harbingers a look. “What is going on back there?”
“Childe looks like an utter disaster-”
“He would not shut his mouth-”
“I can’t control the fact that I’m happy Kaeya and I are finally together-”
“These idiots here are just so noisy and annoying-”
“They can’t learn to shut up and suck it up, especially during-”
“Excuse me, what was that, Childe?” Pierro interrupted everyone as they spoke over each other, trying to be louder than the other to gain favor from the 1st Harbinger. Well, boohoo cause Pierro heard something far more interesting that whatever they were about to go cry about.
“Why are you asking him about it?” Arlecchino huffed and crossed her arms as she leaned back. “He’s clearly the one in the wrong.”
“Childe.” Pierro raised an eyebrow, tapping his finger on the table as he waited.
Childe sent a smug smirk at Arlecchino and Sandrone, causing both women’s eyes to twitch as they responded with a too sweet smile. He brushed off the feeling of dread and danger as he turned to Pierro and answered, “Well, you see, I finally asked out Mondstadt’s local Cavalry Captain.”
“We’re not here to discuss your sex life.” Arlecchino scrunched her nose as she leaned as far as she physically could from the ginger.
“No, shush.” Columbina leaned forward with a serene smile. Her eyes stayed closed and Childe shivered. “ I want to hear about his sex life.”
“Not like it’s that exciting.” Dottore snorted as he tapped his fingers against the table. He stopped and grinned, shark like teeth glinting under the limited light they had in the meeting room (who even planned that, it was so annoying how none of them could read anything while they were there). “Honestly, Mondstadt?”
“I thought you had a thing with someone in Liyue.” Pantalone hummed as he laced his fingers together. “Your receipts reveal quite a bit about it.”
“That was nothing.” Childe rolled his eyes and looked back at Pierro, “Anyways, as I was saying, we both went on a date and he brought me to his bed!”
“My!” Columbina clapped her hands as Capitano let out a sigh. “How long did it take to pull this off?”
“Oh, not that long-”
“ How long, Childe.” Somehow, her smile felt far more threatening than normal and Childe swallowed.
“... A month.”
“A shame.” Columbina pouted as she leaned back, shaking her head slightly. “I expected it to be much faster. Try better next time, Childe.”
“I’ll… keep that in mind?” Childe looked at Pulcinella for help only to get a shake of his head in return.
“This is important, Pierro, because…?” Capitano cleared his throat, turning to the 1st Harbinger who, ever since Childe mentioned the Cavalry Captain, had been muttering under his breath with a murderous glare sent to Childe. “Pierro?”
“What?” He snapped, slamming his hands against the table top.
It was silent for a moment before Columbina cooed, “Oh, did your heart melt?”
“Dameslette.” Pierro shot her a glare and she giggled in response. “Tartaglia, I wish to speak to you after this meeting.”
“About what, sir?” Childe blinked, taken aback by the use of his actual codename. He was only ever called ‘Childe’ due to the degrading context behind it—something about him being the literal youngest of the Harbingers. Unless, of course, it was a serious matter though those were far and few in between anyways.
“You’ll know.” Pierro scowled and turned to the rest, “Meeting over.”
“We didn’t even finish discussing- nevermind.” Capitano tugged at his fur coat closer to him. He turned to Pulcinella, “I wish to discuss something with you.”
“Of course.” Pulcinella nodded and followed the taller man out of the room.
Columbina giggled and walked up to Arlecchino and Sandrone, “Come, come, I have something to show you!”
“Hm? What is it?” Arlecchino followed the shorter woman along while Sandrone hummed and gestured for the Ruin Machine to follow the two.
“Do you have something that could help me with my puppets, Columbina?” Sandrone mused over the whirring and creaking of her machine.
“It might aid both of you, that’s for sure.” Columbina’s smile widened as she clapped her hands. Arlecchino and Sandrone exchanged a look and hummed.
“Good luck, kid.” Dottore grinned as he passed Childe, patting his shoulder.
The ginger looked at him with a confused face, “Am I missing something here?”
“Yes. Something very big.” Pantalone clicked his tongue. He stood up and opened his eyes slightly. Childe saw a peek of wine red eyes as they stared down at him, as if he were some speck of dust, “You shouldn’t have kissed and told in this meeting.”
“Well, I can’t help it- hey!” Childe growled when Pantalone flicked his forehead. He grumbled and crossed his arms, glaring at the retreating back of the Doctor and Regrator as they spoke amicably with one another (or as amicably as two people constantly at each other’s throats could be).
It was silent in the meeting room as Pierro’s icy glare pinned Childe to his seat. As the silence continued, Childe cleared his throat and straightened in his seat, stopping himself from curling up in front of the powerful man.
"Sir?" Childe asked into the chilling air when the silence stretched on for too long.
Pierro twitched and let out a sigh, something of a mixture of annoyed and tired, "How are you affiliated with Captain Kaeya?"
Childe blinked, "Not to be rude-"
"You are."
"-but, I already said it, didn't I?" Childe carried on without pause, ignoring the annoyed look Pierro sent him. He's used to those anyway. Plus, he was quite clear beforehand how exactly he was "affiliated" with Kaeya. "I asked him out and we-"
"I do not need to hear about your sexual exploits." Pierro held up a hand, his other free hand pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Then what do you want to hear?” Childe tilted his head to the side, not at all understanding whatever the fuck Pierro is going through right now.
“How did you two meet?” Pierro demanded, finally asking proper questions that Childe could answer.
“I stopped by Mondstadt while looking around for Scaramouche.” Childe declared, drumming his fingers against the table. He pressed his lips into a thin line as he tried to recall the event, “I was walking around when I met him. He was quite suspicious of me first thing and I can’t blame him! I am a Fatui Harbinger!”
“Please skip the minor details.” Pierro groaned with a roll of his eyes.
Childe huffed and pouted, “Alright, fine. We met, we talked, I goaded him to a small spar-”
“You what?”
“It was just really short, he won obviously. He has quite the mastery over his cryo vision, I couldn’t have won with my hydro vision. Plus, we agreed that I couldn’t use my delusion.” Childe let out a long suffering sigh. He shook his head and remembered the beautiful scene. Kaeya had easily dominated over him with his mysterious ability to just disappear and reappear behind him. He remembered the way the bluenette had thrown him to the ground, disarmed him and pinned him down. It was so hot.
“Please don’t call him hot to my face.” Pierro scowled, slamming a hand on the table.
Childe jumped and blinked. Huh, he must have said that last one out loud then. He shrugged and continued with his tale nonetheless, “Of course, I had to go back to my mission after my short tryst in Mondstadt but I couldn’t just forget about him. So, when I had the free time, I kept visiting and trying to woo him.”
“Which, if I recall,” Pierro’s eyebrow twitched, “took a month?”
“Yes.” Childe closed his eyes. He internally cursed the unsettling way Columbina would always get answers from him. It’s like he could never hide anything from her and her weird closed eyes. “After that, he finally accepted my question for a date and well… you know.”
“I wished I did not.”
“Why did you want to know, anyways, sir?” Childe raised an eyebrow as he observed his superior.
Pierro paused and narrowed his eyes at Childe, “Because, that is my son you’re fucking.”
There was a long pause before Childe stood up.
The chair screeched back and broke the silence as Childe slammed his hands on the table, “What?! Kaeya told me his father left him-”
“I left him.”
“That doesn’t sound all that better.” Childe deadpanned as his eyebrow twitched. He continued on, gesturing with his hands, “How am I even sure you’re telling the truth. No offense, sir.”
“If you’re so pressed about this-”
“I am, I am very serious about family matters, sir.” Childe frowned, staring at his superior. He was half aware that he shouldn’t be speaking like this to the 1st Harbinger but he had sworn his loyalty to the Tsaritsa first and foremost.
“Well then. I can set aside my schedule and meet with him.” Pierro stated matter of factly. “Then, we’ll be able to clear it up.”
Childe paused for a moment, scrutinizing Pierro, “Are you sure you’re not doing this just so you can give me the shovel talk.”
“Less talk, boy.”
“So you are doing it to give me the shovel talk.”
“Tartaglia.”
“Alright, alright.”
A few weeks and one awkward boat ride later, the two Harbingers found themselves nearing Mondstadt. It was quiet as they walked side by side towards the nation of the free. As they walked, Childe hummed to himself and wondered just how the Cavalry Captain would react to him bringing the literal leader of the Harbingers who claimed to be his father to his face. He knew Diluc, Kaeya’s adopted brother who recently just got their relationship repaired together, hated the Harbingers.
The only reason Childe got a pass was probably because he introduced Diluc to Zhongli and ever since then, the two were inseparable.
So, he was quite excited to see how that would go down. Perhaps Diluc would go off the rails and straight up try and murder Pierro before he could even meet Kaeya or, even funnier, Kaeya and Diluc band together to try and smack the old man around for his audacity. Either way, it would be incredibly entertaining for Childe and maybe a bit dangerous for Pierro. Whatever.
“What are you thinking?” Pierro spoke, his voice leaving no room to consider the question as a question. It sounded far more like a demand to Childe.
He shrugged, “Oh, just thinking about how Kaeya and his adopted brother who happens to absolutely hate Fatui guts would react to you, that’s all.”
“If he hates Fatui guts then why did he even allow you to go a foot near him then?” Pierro challenged, raising an eyebrow.
“I happened to introduce him to the love of his life, so I got a pass.” Childe beamed. He peeked at Pierro with a large grin, “What pass do you get? I’m pretty sure leaving tiny baby Kaeya out in the cold rain does not give any brownie points.”
“How do you even know about that?”
“Kaeya told me.”
“Of course he did.” Pierro shook his head and stared forward, not faltering in his steps.
For a second, Childe mused about what kind of sight they must’ve been. The Tsartisa’s dear 1st Harbinger marching his way towards Mondstadt without any prior notice with the 11th Harbinger at his tail. They must’ve looked like they were ready for a war or some kind of fight! What a thought.
Haha.
Oh shit.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Childe rushed to stand in front of Pierro. Somehow, they managed to reach Windrise without alerting anyone aside from the Fatui stationed near Dragonspine. It was a miracle—a blessing from the Archons themselves—that no one saw their suspicious as fuck figures walking menacingly towards Mondstadt. Had that happened, the entire nation would’ve devolved into a panic just because Pierro suddenly had the urge to become a father.
“What now?” Pierro let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He gestured in front of them, at the tall walls of Mondstadt just nearby. “We’re almost there. Are you suddenly getting cold feet?”
“No!” Childe was offended that Pierro would ever think that. That Childe, Tartaglia, the 11th Fatui Harbinger and survivor of the Abyss would ever back down like some coward. “It’s just—I realized how… threatening we look.”
“And?” Pierro raised an eyebrow. “Can we not just waltz in?”
“Not without alerting literally everyone.” Childe let out a laugh and shook his head. What was going on inside that man’s head. Did he think he’d get the same kind of welcome Snezhnaya gives him on the daily? Perhaps there was a reason Childe was the one sent to do odd jobs here and there. If the other Harbingers thought like this, there’s no wonder Signora, bless her poor wretched soul, preferred working in the shadows. “Maybe… uh- you can wait out here and I’ll bring Kaeya over. How about that?”
“Are you preventing me from entering Mondstadt?” Pierro raised an eyebrow.
“I’m preventing you from the possibility of never seeing your ‘son’ ever again!” Childe threw his hands into the air and waved them around. How could Pierro not see what the fuck is going on. “Kaeya could literally kill you just for entering Mondstadt, with or without knowing why you’re even there in the first place!”
“And he’s absolutely right.” A new voice entered, the tone cold and sharp.