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Fuck, you shouldn’t have done all that research. You should have stopped, like, at least before you looked for those ancient manuscripts, which you’re pretty sure is what got you noticed.
Now there’s a nearly 100% chance that you're going to die. Maybe like a 99.9% chance. And you’re desperately trying to hold on to that 0.1%, and think of a way out of this.
But that’s pretty hard to do when you’re literally being strapped to a board by members of a cult. Yes, a cult that worships some eldritch abomination and is now trying to sacrifice you to it.
Come on, you tell yourself. Breathe in, breathe out. Stay calm.
That’s easier said than done.
If you hadn’t gotten weirdly obsessed with eldritch stuff, done a crazy amount of research, and in doing so gotten yourself on this cult's watchlist, you wouldn’t be in this situation.
But you have read about people getting out of dying. By talking to the eldritch abomination, and, yeah, getting wildly fucked instead of being consumed.
Which sounds lovely, probably, and would normally be a great alternative to dying. You joke about being a monsterfucker or whatever, and you’ve read your fair share of tentacle porn – Including what you came across in your research, the accounts of people getting out of dying, but—
The fact is, you’re asexual. And actually getting fucked, realizing it’s something people do and might be your only way out of dying, makes you want to run very fast in the other direction.
But there is no other direction. Since you’re strapped to a board.
And oh, how wonderful, the cult has formed a circle around you and is chanting. You don’t have a lot of time now.
Fuck, you tell yourself, think fast. What’s something other than fucking that would get an eldritch abomination to spare you?
You notice some of the members coming toward you with… are those knives? You try to look at them out of the corner of your eye. That just ends up making your eyes hurt, but then you feel your skin being pricked. Yeah, those are knives.
You remember this from your research, and this particular ritual involves getting symbols carved onto the sacrifice - which is you, hooray - and then…
Then it’s fuck or die, you guess.
The first option you refuse to consider. The second does not sound fun. So you wrack your brain again, trying desperately to come up with option three—
And you come up with nothing.
Nothing that would actually work, anyway.
But… there is one thing, something you’ve wanted all your life. Something you’ve always thought about eldritch creatures, and something you’re realizing this might be your chance to do.
You’ve always been in awe of them. Well, that’s a given, you think. You’ve always thought they were beautiful, majestic. Incredible.
And you’ve always wanted to be friends with one. And maybe, like, hug them. And once you got deep enough into your research to consider it a possibility, you kept thinking about doing it. Just, summoning an eldritch being. Telling them how beautiful they were.
You’d gladly serve one, too, if it meant you got to talk to them. And maybe hug them...
But there was too great of a risk of dying. It’s not like anyone ever just asks to be friends with one of these creatures. They’d probably just kill you. Painfully.
Now, though, when you’re going to be killed by one anyway, the idea reenters your mind. Befriend or die. That sounds a lot better than fuck or die. If it’s one or the other, you might as well try.
It’s getting harder to ignore the knives now. You try to stop yourself from crying out, but you don’t succeed. The cultists ignore you and keep working.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Befriend or die.
Yeah, this is not an ideal situation. But honestly, if there’s a chance you do succeed in befriending this eldritch abomination… you’re regretting this less and less.
You start to feel lightheaded. The chanting grows fainter. You black out…
—
And wake up in a space. You don’t want to call it a room, it’s more like… nothingness, stretching on forever. And at the end of it, a throne.
And on that throne is a huge, writhing mass of tentacles, with two eyestalks poking out on top. And oh, it is beautiful. Just as majestic as you thought it would be, perhaps even more… definitely even more. Your eyes widen, taking it in from afar. Its tentacles are gray-blue with lighter-colored little shapes on them, and it is the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen. You can’t help but gasp. It echoes a bit.
Here goes nothing, you think, but you really are excited. You walk through the nothingness, towards the eldritch creature.
Although the space seems infinitely long, the walk only takes a minute. You reach the throne, and stand before the creature in all its majesty.
“Hi. You’re… beautiful,” you say. Wow, very eloquent.
You shake your head as though to clear it. “I’m sorry. It’s just… wow. You’re, you're…” You inhale. “I wish I could look like that. You’re incredible. I..” You stand there. Then you realize something.
“Oh, should I..” You kneel on the floor, head bent. Obviously you need to respect eldritch creatures, how could you have forgotten?
And the creature speaks. “Well. Thank you.” Its voice emanates from within the mass of tentacles, and simultaneously seems to echo within your head. “You know who I am, then?”
You look up, but can’t quite meet the gaze of the creature. You focus on the tentacles instead.
“Yes. Of course. Oh, I, uh… The cult, your cult, I guess. Uh, nice cult. Lovely cult. I knew too much so they’re sacrificing me.” You shrug your shoulders, and again curse your awkwardness. But the creature is so beautiful, and so humbling. You’re very small next to it.
The creature's eyes, on their stalks, crinkle in amusement. You think. “So you want to get out of it?”
Of course. This meeting is your chance at redemption. Your chance at befriending instead of dying. You nod. “I want to get out of dying, yeah.” Was that too forward? Whatever. It’s too late anyway. This is your last-ditch effort and at least you got to see this amazing creature.
The creature laughs, and it echoes through the space and through your mind. “Well then, sacrifice… what would you like to do instead?” Its tone is teasing, dipping down sensually. Yeah, it expects you to choose the fuck option. Because it’s like the only other one. Alright. Time to try.
“I’d like… I’d like to be your friend, actually?” Your voice goes up at the end. This is anxiety-inducing, but it’s what you want. The creature doesn’t speak. It doesn’t move. You keep talking.
“I think you’re really cool and very beautiful, and I’d like to talk to you? And just, like, be your friend, I don’t know.” Fuck, this was a bad idea. But you’re in too deep, and you remind yourself that the other option is dying. “I can help you with things too. I don't know, like, serve you? I can run eldritch errands and stuff. If you need? Yeah.” And still the creature doesn’t respond. Fuck. “You can kill me if you want. That’s fine. I’m sorry for… wasting your time. I just—”
You cut yourself off before you make this worse, and bow your head again. This is probably it.
Finally, the creature speaks. It chuckles, actually. “You want to.. be my friend? Because you think I’m cool?” It sounds incredulous. Shit.
You nod, keeping your head down. You don’t know if this is a good reaction or not.
“No one’s ever asked me that before, you know,” says the creature. “To be my friend! Usually it’s more risqué things.”
“Yeah, I know, but I’m asexual, so, I don’t want that. At all.” You look up tentatively, and the creature does not seem to be angry. It does not seem like it wants to kill you. But you don’t want to get your hopes up.
“Well…” the creature extends a tentacle. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
You stare at the tentacle. And then you realize the creature is trying to shake hands.
“Oh! It’s, uh, nice to meet you,” you say. You take its tentacle and shake.
You smile slightly. “So. You’re not gonna consume me, then?”
A handshake is a good sign, right?
“Oh, of course not." You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in. The creature continues, "Not when you’ve just come asking to ‘be my friend’. And ‘help me out with things.’” It seems to find that funny. But it really is what you want.
“Yeah I’m sorry I was so awkward, I just…” You shrug. It is an awkward shrug. You are still being awkward. But hopefully less so. “I’ve always wanted to be friends with an eldritch being, I guess. You’re so cool. And yeah, I’d love to help you out, serve you, whatever.”
The creature laughs a bit. “Well, again, thank you.”
It gets off the throne, and, oh wow, moving with those tentacles looks so cool. “Would you like to come to my palace, then? I can give you a tour.” Very casual words spoken in such an awe-inspiring voice, you think.
“Yes, of course!” You say. Because it seems like your plan worked! You mentally breathe a sigh of relief. Actually becoming friends with this creature… this is the coolest thing. And yes, even worth the cult, you think.
The creature opens some of its tentacles, as though to give a hug. A hug? Oh, this is even better than you thought! Eldritch hugs! Eldritch hugs! Your thoughts chant.
“I’m going to get your body there, not just your mind. I can heal you there. We’ll both have a physical presence,” It says. Oh, yeah. Cause your body’s still back with the cult and multiple knife wounds, and its body is probably at the palace.
“Okay!” You smile, fully and for real, and hug the creature.
Both of you disappear in a flash. It is the best hug you’ve felt. It’s sappy, but you feel warm inside and oh gods you’ve done it you’ve befriended an eldritch being.
Yep, you think. You’re glad you did all that research. This is definitely worth everything. :)