Chapter Text
Love and romance had always confused the oldest Clawthorne daughter. She never really understood what all of the fuss was about. If anything, the idea of being tied to someone through marriage was less magical and more scary, horrifying even. So, you can imagine the panic that struck her when she learned about soulmates.
Lilith was about 5 or 6 years old when her parents described how, on her 10th birthday, she would wake up to find a tiny string wrapped around her finger that lead to a stranger somewhere. Everyone got a string. Everyone. And if at first there was only a red knot, that just meant that your soulmate hadn’t turned 10 yet. Her mother went on to say that if your soulmate died or dies before you meet them, the string would turn black and would remain a knot on your finger, the string connecting you lost to time. They went on to tell her that she shouldn’t worry about meeting her soulmate too soon or never meeting them at all. Her parents reassured her that it would all come in due time.
Needless to say, Lilith was terrified. She didn’t want to meet a complete stranger and have to marry and live with them for the rest of her life. That sounded awful! She didn’t want to be tied down to someone anyway, forget literally being tied to someone. Why couldn’t she just be happy and by herself with her friends and palisman one day? Romance already scared her, but this was taking things to an entirely new level. But it wasn’t supposed to be this way. The concept of love or romance wasn’t supposed to be scary, it was supposed to be fluffy and fun and warm and happy. It was supposed to be a good thing. Maybe she was the problem. Maybe it was her, maybe that was the issue. Lilith couldn’t shake that feeling. So instead, she came to the logical conclusion that she was too young and would grow up, and it wouldn’t be so scary anymore. As her parents had said, it would all come in due time.
Pretty soon, all kids talked about at school was how much they wanted to get that red string of fate and find their “other half.” And so, to fit in, Lilith went along with it, saying that she too was excited for the universe to tell her who her other half was.
Lilith dreaded her fast-approaching 10th birthday. Not only was it a week away, but Edalyn had been (lovingly) bullying her nonstop about it. “Lily’s gonna get married, Lily’s gonna get married,” she would often tease. “I don’t envy whoever has to be tied to you. Gross.”
As sisters, their banter usually had this sort of affectionate harassment to it, but this was a little too far for Lilith. And on the night before her 10th birthday, she snapped.
It was a family dinner, birthday decorations were strung up around the room in preparation for tomorrow’s celebration. Lilith had been on edge all week and was just ready for it to be all over. Nothing too interesting was being discussed, their dad had to carve a new palisman for a new client, their mom had started a new book, and Lilith and Eda had been playing a lot of grudgby at recess. The small talk came to an end when Gwendolyn turned to her oldest daughter, a small smile playing at her lips, “Oh, I can’t wait to meet your soulmate, dear! Although, no rush! You’ll find them when you’re ready, little flea.” Gwendolyn patted Lilith’s head.
Lilith, having lost her appetite but not wanting to respond, took a drink of the juice she had in front of her. That was when Eda decided to start, “Oh~ Lily’s gonna be in love.~” Don’t say anything, she’ll stop soon, Lilith told herself.
But Eda didn’t stop. She leaned forward from her seat to get closer to where Lilith sat opposite of her.
“Lily’s gonna fall in love and be all kissy with some witch,” Eda began making obnoxious fake kissing noises.
“Now, witchlet, that’s enough,” their father’s voice was soft and he put a hand on Eda’s shoulder. He chuckled, “You’ll be getting a string soon too, you know.”
“Yeah, but it won’t be as gross because Lily’s gonna talk about them all the time like she does with everything, and she’s my sister, and that’s just icky.”
Lilith had heard enough, “Oh, yeah! Well-” she hesitated, “I’ll bet that your soulmate doesn’t ever love you back because you’re the grossest one here!”
“Lilith!” their mother exclaimed.
“Yeah?” Eda stood up from her chair, “I’ll bet that your soulmate leaves you!”
“Edalyn!” their father’s voice boomed.
Lilith stood up the match her sister. “I bet that you’re soulmate… um,” Lilith was never good at insults, “makes you lose an arm!”
“Girls, if you-” Their father stood up as Eda cut him off.
“I bet that you don’t even have a soulmate!”
“That’s it! Both of you! To your rooms! And when we call you out, you better be ready to apologize to one another.” Lilith and Eda both looked at their father, now towering over them, hung their heads, and walked slowly upstairs to their rooms. Later, their parents made them both begrudgingly apologize before sending them off to bed.
Lilith struggled to sleep that night, but when she finally drifted off, it was an uneasy, uncomfortable, very light sleep. Less of a good night's rest and more like a 5-minute nap. She was sore, grumpy, and anxious.
By the time she registered herself as awake, she didn’t dare remove her covers, too scared to find a red string attached to her finger. She instead, slowly opened her eyes, rolled onto her side, and watched as the morning sun grew brighter in her window. The soft light landed gently on the bright carpeting in her room, small dusk specks few gently in the air, and all seemed at peace.
That’s when her sister burst through the door.
“Happy Birthday, Lily!!” Eda shouted, jumping on top of Lilith.
“Ow, but thank you,” Lilith said, sitting up but making sure to keep her hands under her covers. She didn’t like how light and empty she felt still.
“So,” Eda started excitedly, “have you seen it yet? Does it have a string or do you have to wait a bit? Or- or-!”
Lilith laughed, “What happened to ‘ew! Gross! Romance!’” Lilith gave her sister a side glare.
Eda’s face went red, “W-well,” she sputtered, “that was yesterday! I’m a changed woman!” She crossed her arms defensively. “Anyway,” she continued, “can we see it?”
Lilith debated telling her to go wait outside so she could savor the moment to herself, but her anxiousness and curiosity got the better of her. “I don’t see why not.”
As Lilith slowly uncovered her hands from the sheets, they were pale, and hot, shaky and sweaty, and-
Completely empty.
… well that couldn’t be right.
Lilith studied her hands more thoroughly, turning them every which way in search of the tiny string of fate. She began to panic, her heart rate increasing. Her parents didn’t mention anything about THIS happening. She curled her finger in and out, up and down, one at a time, all at once, with the thumb, without it, up a little, down a bit, until she began to feel hot tears running down her face.
Eda, having watched all of that, ran out of the room and directly to her parents who had been setting the table for breakfast. By the time she had sprinted downstairs, she was very out of breath.
“Oh my, witchlet! Are you ok?” her mother exclaimed.
“No-” Eda took in a deep breath, “No, something’s wrong with Lily.”
Gwendolyn and Dell locked eyes with each other before dropping everything and running up to their daughter’s room, Eda following closely behind them. From outside the slightly opened door, they could hear muffled sobs and sniffles.
“Lilith?” Gwen tried to keep her voice as steady as she could muster, “Are you okay, dear?” She pushed open the door to see Lilith with her head in her hands, shaking.
Gwen kept going, Dell following closely behind her, “Is it your string?”
Lilith’s head gave a small nod.
“May I see it, dear?”
Lilith immediately hid her hands in her blankets and shook her head furiously, her eyes shut tight. “No, I don’t-” tears made their way down her red cheeks, “I don’t wanna know anymore.”
“Lilith,” Dell sat down on the bed and put his hand on his daughter’s head gently, “we can’t help if we don’t know what’s wrong.”
Lilith’s expression softened, eyes remaining closed. She took a slow breath in and removed her hand from under her covers. Her mother tried (and failed) to cover her gasp. Her father simply took her hands in his and began to examine them. He too began to turn her hands in every direction he could. Then he stopped and just held her hands. Lilith could feel his calloused hands against hers, waiting for something, anything.
Dell looked at his oldest daughter, his wife, and then stood up. “Oh, Lilith…” he trailed off before leaving the room. Lilith watched as her mother trailed out not far behind him and locked eyes with Eda, who had been standing in the door frame. Eda looked at Lilith, “I didn’t mean… I didn’t think…”
“It’s okay, Edalyn,” Lilith played with her hands, “let’s just hope you don’t lose a limb.”
Eda laughed and ran over to hug her sister. Lilith let the tears she had been falling go into Eda’s shoulder.
Lilith’s 10th birthday proceeded to continue as if soulmates simply did not exist. Desperate for anything, Lilith decided to confront her mother as she was preparing to bake the cake for that evening.
“Hey, mother?”
“Yes, my little flea?” Gwendolyn continued preparing the cake as she spoke, not looking up from the pan it was on.
“What… what exactly is going on with me? Am I… broken? Did I do something wrong?” She was staring at her hands as if she was trying to will a little string onto her fringers.
Gwendolyn looked up from the cake, “No, no, dear, you did nothing wrong. But to be completely honest, I’m not sure and neither is your father, but we’re going to try and help you the best we can, ok?”
Satisfied with that answer, she asked, “May I go to the library with Edalyn tomorrow?”
Gwendolyn stubbled a bit, “U-um…” she looked at Lilith’s pleading face and sighed, “I suppose.”
Lilith gave her mother a hug and ran upstairs to begin her research with books she already owned, fully intent on finding someone out there just like her. She tore apart her bookshelf looking for some lead on a hand with no strings.