Archive of Our Own ^beta

It would be a long time until he would come home with her again, though. She was aware of that from the countless talks with the doctors and specialists who would discuss his progress. There would be no definitive date as to when he could officially come home but things would only be looking up so it was just a matter of when not if. 

There was a weariness she felt when she got to fully take in the conversation on the train ride home. Would her father still hate her? Would he ever compose music again? The thought alone would send her in various 'what if' scenarios. All the outcomes were always negative even if she knew deep down they weren't true. It was hard to give her outcomes any rebuttal as they haven't even been able to talk yet.

She missed her father so much. 

On the day before her first trip to the town, Mizuki had invited the group out to eat for bonding time at their usual diner. Of course, Kanade seemed a bit more distracted than usual. It took some questioning but she would tell about what happened.

"I'm happy for you about your dad, Kanade! I hope he gets better soon! But a two hour ride? That's more like four hours if you count coming back! Are you sure you don't want anyone to join you? I could-"

 "It's fine, Mizuki. The train has Wi-Fi so I could always work on the music while there. It won't be much trouble for me at all." 

"But still," Ena interjected, "You can always ask if you want some company if you need it.  It's gotta be a lot…" 

"Mizuki, Ena, I appreciate your concern but I'll be fine. It's only a once a week trip so it won't be much for me." 

"Well…that's four hours more of you being outside so I guess it's not too much of a loss," Mizuki thought out loud, earning a shove from Ena. They quickly ignored it as they turned their attention back to Kanade, "Say, what's the name of that hospital again?" 

When she told them the name of the hospital, it was Mafuyu who spoke up. She had spoken for the first time since they greeted each other for the day, "That's the hospital Saki Tenma goes to." 

"Saki Tenma…Tsukasa Tenma's sister?" 

"Mmhm." 

"Oh, him?" Ena knew his name was familiar until she finally figured it out, "Akito keeps mentioning how annoying he is; he must be a nice person then." 

"You need to see his plays at the Phoenix Wonderland park. They're such a riot! The play he did at the school festival about the nine Romeos fighting each other to the death for Juliet was hilarious!" Mizuki laughed hysterically as they recalled the play, making a scene since they were the loudest person in the restaurant. They tried to explain what about the play was so funny but they could barely get a word out.

"Mizuki you're gonna kick us out!" Ena elbowed them, "I don't understand what's so hysterical about a play, anyway."

"C'mon, we should all go then! It'll be a fun band bonding moment for us! I'll even buy you some deep fried cheesecake there, Enanan.~" they clung onto their arm in an attempt to hug from a very averse Ena. 

She rolled her eyes, "That sounds disgusting. Like I'd be caught in a kid-"

"Saki Tenma got admitted to that hospital yesterday." Mafuyu spoke for the second time. 

Immediately the banter between Mizuki and Ena fell as quickly as their expressions. They quickly let go of her, straightening up to try and read Mafuyu's expressionless face. She wasn't the type to lie, everyone knew. But they still clearly had hoped it might’ve been a dark attempt at humor. 

Kanade said nothing.

"It's not serious is it?" Ena asked.

"I'm not sure. I had asked her friend but she assured me it was a planned surgery."

"Surgery? That sounds so terrifying! I hope she's okay.” She tapped the rim of her cup for a few moments to think, “I haven't spoken to her since elementary school so it'd be too awkward for me to just visit her. Maybe I can catch Tsukasa at school on Monday…?"

"Probably not," Mizuki grimaced, "From what I know and heard about him, he probably won't be in school until she gets better. But maybe Rui or Touya can pass along messages?"

As Mizuki and Ena talked, Kanade stared at her ramen. Mafuyu had noticed but didn't say anything, figuring it was best to let her think her thoughts through. She touched her shoulder for  a moment, an awkward attempt at comfort but it was more than enough. 

Mizuki, on the other hand, wasn't the type to do that. The moment they noticed she was looking down, lost in her own thoughts, they had to be the one to offer help, "Kanade, you okay?"

Kanade looked up to Mizuki's concerned eyes and gave a small smile, "Yeah, I was just remembering something. Sorry." 

"If you say so," They didn't press further.

Ena eventually changed the subject by talking about the latest upcoming illustrations she had been working on. Mizuki teased about getting a sneak preview, Mafuyu mentioned about wanting to draw the inspiration from Ena's drawings and Kanade spoke about wanting to play around with the music for a bit. 

Despite the conversation slowly returning to normal, Mizuki must've noticed that Kanade seemed a bit bothered so they tried to end the night on a high note. A toast for Kanade's father and a toast for Saki. It would never reach the two but it was something that had made it feel like they did something productive regarding them at the most. The only thing to really do was simply hope for the best.

After they paid the bill and left the diner, the four walked up to the end of the block where they would end up going their separate ways.

"Well, that was a good dinner! Thanks for coming along as always, guys.~" Mizuki smiled. 

"It's not like it's much of a choice. You would've spammed the chat until we agreed," Ena huffed, "But it was nice getting to see you guys again."

"I agree. It’s been fun," Mafuyu didn't smile but her eyes told a different story, "But I better go now. Bye," she waved and left.

"Bye Yuki! I'll see you!" Mizuki waved even though they knew Mafuyu wouldn't see. The sentiment was there. They turned to the two, "You guys gonna go too?"

Ena nodded, "I better get started on the illustrations tonight. I'll send you the final result when I finish so you can play around with it. See you two!" She walked off the other direction.

The only ones left were Kanade and Mizuki. 

"Kanade, is everything okay? You've been kinda down ever since Mafuyu mentioned about what happened to Saki Tenma."

Kanade couldn't talk to them. Not because she was forced to not speak but rather she didn't know what exactly to talk about. There were lingering memories she tried to stitch together during the rest of that dinner and only managed to get some fragmented memories. It wasn't enough to explain to them however and she wasn't sure if they'd understand, "I'm fine, Mizuki. I appreciate your concern. I was just thinking."

"About…?"

"What kind of music she would like…" It wasn't entirely a lie though.

Mizuki's expression changed to a bit of relief, "Did you know Tenma?"

She shook her head, "No but I think I can understand how it must feel to be in a hospital. I don’t think I’d want to go to a hospital again when my dad gets discharged. So, I want to make something to help her feel better."

"You're absolutely too good for this world, Kanade!” Luckily, they didn’t bear hug her as she had almost expected them to, “Tell you what; why don't I give you Tsukasa's number? I think he’d really be willing to help out!"

She smiled softly, "That would be appreciated." 

"I'll DM you his number when I get home. I better get going before it gets too dark. See you, Kanade!"

"Thank you, Mizuki. Good night."

Kanade walked home once she saw Mizuki disappear into the crowd. She had to admit she felt a bit awful making Mizuki believe she just had one thought instead of several. But how could she explain it to them? She didn't think she could explain it to herself either. Making a song for Saki though could be her focus for the night before she logged off early to sleep.

The ride home was uneventful. And she knew being at home was the same, "I'm home." She still called out mostly out of habit. Sometimes she waited for her father's greeting but knew there would be none waiting for her. So she brushed aside the feeling, took off her shoes and went to her room.

After getting ready for bed, She logged onto Nightcord to check the group messages and saw a DM from Mizuki.

Amia: here's Tsukasa Tenma's number and his Nightcord user. Let me know if you need anything else~

Kanade didn't feel like messaging him tonight. He must have a lot on his plate to receive such a strange message. She would eventually when the time felt right, however it may be. 

K: thank you, Amia. I appreciate it. I'll be logging off early to sleep. Good night. 

Amia: kk, stay safe on your trip tomorrow! Stay hydrated! Night~

Kanade reacted with a heart emoji to the message then closed Nightcord. She stayed up for an extra hour just to focus on the new song but she had to stop. She was too distracted to work on anything and it was better to sleep early for once.

 She laid in her bed for the first time in the while, staring at the ceiling and waited for sleep to come.

Tsukasa Tenma…where have I heard that name before…?

…

"My name is…"

…

No, it can't be him. 

Unable to sleep until she found the answer, Kanade pulled her phone from the nightstand and immediately went to Instagram. She typed in Mizuki’s profile and began scrolling through their library of content until she froze at a particular photo.

In the photo was Mizuki at the center of a selfie with people she didn’t recognize. All except for the only blondes in the group. She clicked on the girl’s face to see if she was tagged and sure enough, she was. It didn’t take long to see the boy from Mizuki’s photos. She didn’t need anymore of a confirmation but still, with some hesitation, she clicked on the boy’s face in one of the photos the girl and boy took together.

It really is him. 

She spent longer than she had anticipated scrolling through his feed, trying to find some internal answer to a question she didn’t know to ask. Temptation to follow or even DM him was lingering but she never went as far as just thinking about it. Guilt was seeping and it was probably not ideal to DM someone she hadn’t spoken to in a while out of the blue. And not while he had his own problems to work on. 

She had to make this right…somehow.

Kanade had lost track of time as she usually did. She had set an alarm to make sure this wouldn't happen but a quick look at her phone made her realize she had accidentally set the phone to silent. The alarm had been ringing for quite a while silently until she turned it off to look at the time. She had missed out on the whole morning. 

She wanted to kick herself for doing something so stupid but she didn't let the feeling remain for long. Luckily she would catch the next train in the next half hour if she hurried. She quickly made sure to gather the essentials and was thankful she had made sure to pack most of it the day before. She bolted out of the house and ran as fast as she could once she was sure she didn't miss anything. 

Her lungs immediately paid the price when she was barely a block in. Ignoring all aspects of her body begging for a break, she finally made it to the train station with just eight minutes and forty five seconds to spare. It was enough time to buy her ticket and run, mumbling apologies as she pushed and shoved her way past the crowd to get to the platform. 

With only two  minutes and three seconds to spare, she managed to make it in time. She set her things down in her seat, sitting down and finally able to take a breather.

It took a while to calm down. The adrenaline and her body aching from lack of exercise certainly made about a quarter of the trip unpleasant but she had eventually relaxed, taking a quick nap instead of working on her music like she had planned to originally. Maybe she should’ve taken Mizuki’s offer of going on runs with them…nah. 

She would wake up from her nap when she felt the train slow to a stop and an announcement that they had reached their destination. She stretched and rubbed the grogginess out of her eyes as she reached for her bags to leave. 

The first thing she didn’t notice wasn’t the new area but the sky. Dark gray clouds had filled the once blue sky and the scent of rain despite the ground not even being wet. She knew the town tended to delay trains because of the rain. The ride home would be the last stop to her town for the day so she had to hope that the rain wouldn’t be too soon.

After walking the fifteen minutes to the hospital, she greeted her dad who laid asleep in his room. She used to be afraid of being near him, would only go as far as dropping off his clothes and directly leaving, but she supposed she had grown bolder. She could comfortably sit in the same room as him for long periods of time nowadays. She was suggested by a nurse to talk about anything, even bring music and movies they used to watch. She would talk about her friends, her band, anything she could think of. She would seldom talk about her music though.

She talked about her week to her father. The same old stuff. At that point she’d sometimes bring in a CD from a band they used to listen or a movie they used to watch. This time, she had more to talk about. The conversation from yesterday. 

“There was someone in the past I had wronged, dad. I was hurt and pushed that person away even when they were just trying to help. That person is hurting now and I want to help but I don’t know how I can. I’m afraid they are mad at me…But, I know that you would want me to try anyway.” 

She didn’t know what kind of advice her father would give but she knew he would always tell her to put her feelings into music. She had a gift, after all, and her music could truly express what she struggled to convey. Maybe that’s the advice he would’ve given her. She would then take it to heart and he’d offer to help by listening to music together while eating dinner.

As much as it hurt knowing they couldn’t do those things at the moment, she couldn’t dwell on those feelings for long. She still had her father in the end and that was all that really mattered.

Deciding to shift the topic, she reached into her bag to pull out a DVD, “I brought one of your favorite movies this time, dad. I don’t think we’ve seen that together in a while.”

It was beginning to pour when she made it to the station. She had just made it by the skin of her teeth, preventing her and her bag from getting fully drenched in the rain which she was more than grateful about. There was barely anybody in the station which should’ve been her first clue but she didn’t notice at all and quickly went to purchase a ticket.

The moment she said to which town, the attendant seemed sympathetic. Before she could ask, an announcement was heard from the speakers.

"Attention passengers. We apologize for the inconvenience but the train line to Shibuya has unfortunately been closed due to an emergency. All tickets will be honored at your convenience once we can run the trains again. Once again, we apologize for the inconvenience."

With a sigh, she went to one of the benches to take a seat. There were barely any passengers and most likely any remaining ones were for the trains that weren’t delayed. She was probably the only person who hadn't bothered to look at the weather and plan her day in advance. 

She glanced at her phone again, wondering if the trains would run again before morning. If she could find an outlet for her laptop and the Wi-Fi password, she supposed it wouldn't be so bad as she tried her best to make the best of it. She would give herself five minutes though, she still needed to relax.

She didn’t move or turn her head when she heard footsteps hitting against the pavement, the soft splash indicating they were unfortunately caught in the rain on the way to the station. She wasn’t curious and didn’t expect to know the person. Instead, she pulled out her phone and went to the Nightcord app, scrolling through whatever missed messages that mostly Mizuki and Ena had left in the chats. She was about to type in an update when she was interrupted.

"Kanade? Is that you?" Despite it being years since she last heard the voice, it was as recognizable as the first time she heard it. She really had memorized his voice (not that it was hard to because it’s him but still…).

She quickly turned her head to realize she was definitely correct. It really was him. He looked radiant as ever but…tired if she had to be honest. But of course, she also hadn’t seen him in a long time so it could just be something else.

"Tsukasa?" Her eyes widened to the sight of him. Not only in that it had been a while but that he was also drenched from the rain. Despite that, he still didn't let his attitude waver any less. His smile was just as bright as the last time she saw him, “it’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

He would've hugged her if his clothes weren't dripping rain water onto the pavement, "yeah! I thought I saw you at the hospital earlier! I mean, I wanted to say hi but you looked like you were in a rush so I didn't want to bother you!"

“It’s okay, I’m glad we caught each other right now then,” she gave a small smile, one that nowhere near matched his. She quickly realized that him being here would only mean having to break the news that he had missed, “Were you trying to get on the next train to Shibuya?”

He nodded, “Yeah! I forgot to buy a ticket though so I was just about to buy one. Do you know how long until the next one?” 

"They canceled the last train. You'll have to wait until they run the trains again…" 

"Oh. Dammit," He groaned visibly, "It probably won't be until morning in that case. I've been here before and that’s just kinda how it is.” 

Oh, that was unfortunate, “I see. I guess we’ll be waiting here for a while then.”

“Yep but you’re lucky enough to have someone like me to keep you from getting bored!” He paused slightly, his confidence just slightly breaking enough, “But only if you want me to though!”

She scooted over so he could sit down with enough distance between them. She didn’t want to get wet, after all, "It's okay, I'm happy enough we get to speak again. How have you been?"

He sat down, trying to be as comfortable as someone soaked to the bone could be. He looked tired but his smile had never faded, "I’ve been doing just great! I was just volunteering for the hospital here for the kids! They always look up to my shows and as their honorary big brother, I need to make the best shows that I can for them! But, of course, I was also here for Saki since she had an operation yesterday. It was for nothing serious but thankfully it was a success! She'll bounce back after proper rest and as her older brother I'll be making sure she recovers properly!" 

Still quite the talkative type but that didn’t bother her. She knew already but hearing the words from the direct relative made it sound so much more official, "I’m still sorry about that…I hope Saki gets better soon."

"Thanks, Kanade! The operation went well so she’s going to be okay. She’ll be home soon this week if it all goes well! But what about you? How's your dad been?"

"He's been doing better. They had to transfer him here because they believed he would improve faster here. ” 

“Really? That’s so good to hear he’s doing great! He’s going to be in good hands, Kanade! I can even make sure of the best nurses take care of him!” 

She nodded. She wanted to apologize, say something, bring up the past that obviously was on their minds but all that ever came out of her mouth was, “Thank you, Tsukasa. But aren’t you going to catch a cold?”

“Don’t worry about me I’ll just make sure to take care of myself so I don’t get sick when I get home!” 

“You didn’t happen to bring a change of clothes with you?”

He shook his head, “I unfortunately forgot to check the weather before I got here. I’m always just a forgetful person, it’s a surprise I still know my name!” He laughed to downplay it, trying to obviously not get her to worry.

 She could tell he was trying not to shiver. There was no heating in the station at the moment and the air conditioner was on to beat the humidity from outside. There was no way he would be surviving until morning without catching some sort of sickness. It wasn’t like she brought fresh clothes but there was an idea in the back of her mind that had formed. 

She tried to remember if Tsukasa would know the answer to her question. She knew who Emu was because of Honami. In a conversation about their SEKAIs, she mentioned Emu having one. Emu works with Tsukasa pretty closely, she knew that much, so it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out that they would be a part of a SEKAI, right? 

“Tsukasa, can I ask an odd question?”

“Sure! No question is too weird for me to answer!” 

Weighing her options, she grew bold enough to ask the question, “Do you have a SEKAI?” 

His eyes widened at the question, “Y-you have one too?!” 

She nodded, “It’s one that I share with my friends too. I heard you could visit others SEKAIs, is that true?”

“Yeah, it’s possible! I can show you mine!” He had pulled out his phone only to be greeted to a black screen. He frantically tried resetting his phone, “It's not turning on! I forgot to charge it last night but I also don’t know if it’s from water damage.” 

Kanade reached to her bag to pull out her charged power bank and handed it to him, “Do you want to try charging it then?”

He took it, thanking her and waited for his phone to hopefully charge. After about 10 minutes of trying to charge, it was clear his phone was water damaged. There was nothing really to be done until the next day when he can get it repaired. 

He didn’t once mention her SEKAI. She knew she had to be the one to initiate it, “Do you want to come to mine then? It’s not much but there might be some clothes you could borrow.”

“I can?! Are you sure?”

As much as the place was created from Mafuyu’s feelings, it was also shared among the four. Their rule with their own SEKAI was to only allow the people they were closest to in. Despite the rule, few had ever entered for their own reasons. She thought as rationally as one could standing in a train station from a foreign town with an old friend who might get pneumonia. Tsukasa had seen the vulnerable side of her more than anyone else so that was more than enough reason to allow him. 

"I can let you come with me. But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone what you see. Our SEKAI is personal to us. I trust you enough to share what is mine but I can’t share you about anybody else.” 

“I understand; please let me know if I am overstepping any boundaries, though.” He smiled sheepishly, “But thank you for trusting me, Kanade.” 

There was something about the smile he gave her that just sent warmth through her veins. As embarrassed he might be to ask for help in general, there was a genuine kindness to it, “What would we need to do?"

"I’ve visited Saki’s and my friend Touya’s SEKAIs before. We just need to be touching each other when you click play. Rui created an app that actually lets you go to other SEKAIs but I can send you the download link later," He seemed a bit hesitant at the next question, "…So is it okay if I can I hold your hand?"

"That's fine," She felt her cheeks burn up quickly when he took her hand. It was warm and soft despite him probably freezing. The way he held her was as if he was trying to not be too much of an intrusion but she almost wanted to hold his hand firmer. For all the noise he could make, he was gentle. 

Oh right the song.

"I'm gonna hit play now," She said as if she couldn't find the song the whole time. She ended up grasping his hand a little tighter as she clicked play in the end, easily excusing her reasoning to just wanting to make sure it would truly work.

White light and triangles flashed from her phone before they were transported to the SEKAI. Tsukasa would be greeted to the sight of an endless gray scenery. There were things here and there like a stage and such but it made it feel all the more endless if anything. It was quite the difference compared to his own and he understood quickly enough that people’s feelings were different.

"Miku? I'm here and I brought a friend." Kanade said. Her voice seemed much louder with the complete silence that the SEKAI had. Could a place really be this quiet?

There was a sound of footsteps that echoed across the SEKAI. A gray haired girl in pigtails came closer to them. Despite her appearance being vastly different from what he was used to, he knew who she was. 

"Hatsune Miku…?" 

The girl in the white dress nodded, "Tsukasa Tenma…?" 

"Yeah," He was surprised by that response, giving a grin, “Could I possibly be that well known already by the other SEKAIs? I knew I was destined to be a star!"

 She shook her head, “I have always known your name like I have with the others but I have heard about you from your Miku." 

"My Miku…," He repeated-he could never imagine this Miku being warped with the antics of his own Miku…did that mean the other Mikus of the other SEKAIs hung out with each other? It was a headache to think about so he decided to leave it as a problem for Rui to solve.

"Is there any clothes or anything he can borrow? It would be appreciated if you could help," Kanade spoke up. 

"Check under the stage. There's a box of clothing." Miku answered. Her voice was monotone but there was a hint of kindness, concern even, added to it. She looked like she wanted to ask something but kept her lips sealed. 

"Thank you, Miku," Kanade was about to turn to leave when she realized they were still holding each other's hands. He seemed to be aware too but didn't let go either. They were unsure if to continue since they were heading in the same direction. She took the excuse of just simply wanting to make sure he didn’t get lost and led him to the stage.

Miku simply let the two be alone as she walked away to join her friends, a bit amused at the two's reactions towards each other. 

As expected, there was a box of clothing as Miku had said there would be. They finally let go of each other’s hands to pull the box towards them. It was clear that Mizuki had brought outfits for Miku to try on considering the heaps of dresses. The regular clothing would be found underneath it, and he began sorting through to find something his size.

He pulled out a shirt from the pile, seeming a little surprised as he carefully inspected it, "This is the shirt Saki bought me! How did it get here?" 

"I suppose it was always here." Kanade answered. Even the answer she gave also didn't solve the mystery for her. She supposed he was always meant to be here then. 

What a strange feeling it was to come to that conclusion about him.

Something didn’t feel right.

It was hard to decipher or tell apart his expressions as he looked at the shirt. She could argue that his expressions were harder to read than Mafuyu's.  That moment quickly faded away as his expression changed to the one she's more familiar to, ”I think I found what I needed; thank you again for letting me borrow this, Kanade!”

She wanted to say he shouldn’t thank her for getting what’s his but refrained from that. She simply nodded and smiled, “It’s not a problem. I’ll let you change now. I’ll be in the front of the stage.”   

The stage was really the only curtain of privacy there was considering how open and exposed the whole place felt with the lack of architecture. She sat on the stage, getting a slightly better look at the endless scenery that was there. Despite the place being so empty, it didn’t feel cold. Or at least, not as cold as it used to feel when she first came here. Whether because the feelings has evolved or she simply grew used to it was a little unknown but she liked to think it was the first option. 

“I hope it’s okay I put my clothes under the stage. I’ll try to remember to pick them up before we leave.” Tsukasa’s voice had intercepted her thoughts as he walked to the front of the stage.

“I’ll try to remember too. But the clothes fit fine?” Of course they would be, Kanade, he was wearing them. 

He didn’t think of it as a stupid question at all thankfully. He hopped up on the stage to sit next to her. They were a bit closer now that he was in dry clothing. The only sign of him ever being drenched from the rain was his damp hair. He nodded, “Yeah, I can’t thank you enough for your help! I’m gonna return the favor to you one of these days, your kindness can’t go unpaid.” 

“You don’t have to at all.” He had already done enough. She wouldn’t say that though. They instead sat in a comfortable silence as Tsukasa looked around the SEKAI from the view of the stage.

“Do you have any other Vocaloids besides Miku here?” Tsukasa eventually asked. 

“It was just Miku at first but then Rin and MEIKO came. They’re probably around here somewhere.” They really only seemed to come when they knew they were needed.

“Oh, I guess it is different for everyone. Miku and KAITO were the first to come to my SEKAI. Then Rin, Len, Luka, and MEIKO come along.” 

“Do you know about your friend’s SEKAIs?” 

It would end up sparking a discussion between the two over the different SEKAIs that they were aware of, their songs, and almost anything that they had always wanted to ask about another’s SEKAI. Well, more for Kanade but Tsukasa was more than excited to talk and share about his experiences.  

“How do you feel when you enter the other SEKAIs?” Kanade brought up the question. She was always curious what it was like to visit other SEKAIs. Honami had offered, of course, but she felt it was too invasive especially since she didn’t know her friends that well.

How ironic (and hypocritical) that she let Tsukasa in though. She wondered if her friends would understand. 

“Hm. Saki’s SEKAI gives me nostalgia but that’s probably because I grew up with them. Touya and Akito’s SEKAI is nice but it feels like entering any boring street, I suppose. The MEIKO there does make really good coffee though! And for this SEKAI…,” He paused, trying to find the right words, “If I can be honest, I have similar feelings to my own SEKAI. But it’s not like that but it’s…something else.” 

“Is it comforting?” she asked.

“Comforting is the right word, isn’t it?” He paused, “My SEKAI is perfect for me, of course. One befitting for a future star such as myself! I’ll show you mine and you’ll see how fitting it truly is! But I guess for this SEKAI...it is comforting.” 

She wondered if she was wrong for tricking him essentially to unknowingly answering the questions she secretly had. “Tsukasa…would you mind if I ask you a very personal question?”

“Hm? Not at all!”

Kanade couldn't help the question she wanted to ask. There was something so off putting about the fact Tsukasa Tenma, the self proclaimed world star…meaning to be here. Even Miku said she always knew his name. There was some reason, wasn’t there? She knew why. She didn’t need to ask. She supposed she was asking out of formality at this point.

"…Do you sometimes just want to disappear?" 

Tsukasa seemed less surprised by the question itself but more of who the question was directed to, "N-no, a star like me can't dare to think such things of himself! Of course I wouldn't…," He stopped himself.

He remembered a lot of times when he did. He remembered struggling to make friends, oftentimes being aware he was spoken against his back. Coming home to an empty house. The loneliness. He remembered getting home from school with a 'get well soon' card he had made for Saki only to be sat down by his parents and explained the concept of the end. His sister, much like he, will one day no longer be on the earth anymore. But for Saki it may be sooner than expected and he may one day end up outliving his little sister. 

There was barely any place he could escape to, wasn’t there? Not even Touya’s home was safe and he couldn’t bring himself to burden him. None of his classmates spared any pity towards him, quickly casting him as the black sheep. He never understood why that happened.

Were those the earliest memories he had of wanting to disappear? Perhaps. It wasn't the last though for certain. It was hard to pin point any specific time with those thoughts. They were always just…there. In the back of his mind, in his thoughts, when he was having fun, everywhere. He would never discuss it though; it was hidden away under lock and key buried six feet underground. Would it be okay to discuss what he had never spoken to someone before? 

Kanade had kind eyes. It was just them and most likely his words wouldn’t reach another person. (Minus the other Vocaloids but they didn’t necessarily count).

"I mean…I guess sometimes. What about you?"

"Everyday, I suppose." 

His heart sank at that comment. He subconsciously was picking the skin off the side of his thumbs, a habit he thought he had broken as a child but it seemed like it was a harder habit to break than he thought. Having a conversation about a personal topic that he was never open about before certainly didn’t help. He didn’t know what the best way to approach the subject was and had mulled over his options for a bit. Time in this particular SEKAI felt so different. Like there was no real rush to have to speak immediately, and it was just so refreshing, "…And how do you deal with it?"

"I compose music," Came the simple response, "I made a promise to my dad to make music to save people but I have a friend I want to save too. I can't just disappear if I haven't made the song to save her."

“That’s very noble of you to think of others before yourself! There's not many people who would take a situation like that and want to use it to help others! I think you're gonna help the right people with that, including your friend!"

She saw how easily Tsukasa tried to steer away from himself but she had to pull it back in, “But what do you do? When you want to disappear?”

"I focus on being a star. Saki was sick since we were kids, and I can’t imagine how terrifying it must’ve been in her shoes. So I wanted to focus on making her happy and I did! I made the best one-man shows you could’ve ever seen, and I am now in a troupe working on bringing everyone smiles with our performances! I think I got pretty lucky in how my life turned out!” 

His words reminded her of a play, Kanade thought. A believable performance for the audience but behind the scenes it was just actors reciting rehearsed, scripted lines to one another. She supposed he was doing the same in the end, repeating his own scripted lines that must’ve never strayed too far from how he wanted it to go. 

Time for her to go off script, she supposed, “But how did you feel at the time?” 

“Huh?”

“I don’t have any siblings so I can’t relate to you in that regard but having a relative in a hospital…that’s a terrifying experience. How did you feel about it when you were a child? But I’m also sorry if this is overstepping anything so you don’t have to answer.” In reality, she wanted to help him but she knew no good would come out of forcing words out of a person. Was she being too pushy? Perhaps. She would stop when he told him so but had hoped to at least get through to him somehow. 

Tsukasa paused at the question. Clearly, he didn’t expect it. His smile momentarily faltered and it felt like the mask had dropped. Had she gone too far? She was ready to apologize. Then it returned with a force, “I honestly forgot! But it doesn’t matter, anyway because everything is fine!”

He had to forget those memories and it wasn't a lie. And for the most part he did. It helped that the days when he was alone had blurred almost into one fragmented day. For all he knew, his whole childhood and middle school years started and ended within a day and that was just fine for him. It was frustrating sometimes to not remember something and being reminded by Touya or Saki or her friends of the memories but that was just a small sacrifice. It was for the greater good, wasn’t it?

He could feel his body tense up, as if trying to remember the memories he worked so hard to repress.

He forgot the memories but he could never shake off what he felt.

He could feel his heart begin to beat a bit faster than usual.

Loneliness. He was always such a lonely kid. The piano, he could remember clearly. Reciting Twinkle Twinkle Little Star until he could perfect it then he would move onto another song. Then another.

It suddenly felt as if there was now a finite amount of air and it was slowly running out.

He felt fear. Saki might not get better, that was always a fear he had. He didn’t want to live his life without her. As he would wait by the phone expecting a phone call from his parents, he always prepared for the worst but also forced himself to think positive. Saki wouldn’t want him to worry! He should play piano instead or prepare the script for another great show to perform for her. That was all that he needed to do. No fear, no loneliness. Just focus on being a star.

He had no one to talk to. His parents were too busy, classmates still didn’t care and he lacked the true friendships he had currently. Sure, middle school was a bit better but they weren’t people he could vent his life to. And that was fine. He didn’t need to show anyone any negative feelings. Just focus on being a star.

It was clear now that just focusing on being a star wasn’t enough. It never truly was enough in the first place. 

With no proper coping mechanisms, those feelings had resurfaced and felt as fresh as the first time as he experienced it. It felt so overwhelming it made it hard to breathe. He didn’t understand what he was experiencing but it certainly felt like he was experiencing a heart attack of some sort or something. 

Kanade knew what was going on. It felt so similar to how Mafuyu had reacted when they went to the doll exhibit. While she was able to hide some of what she felt, he was another story. It was almost like he had never experienced such feelings before and didn’t understand how to properly mask or cope with it, "Tsukasa…?"

It felt hard to speak, like someone had clenched his throat and rendered him completely helpless at their will. He never felt as powerless as he did at that moment. Not at his first recital, first play or first solo. He was trying to scream, speak, say anything but all the sounds that would come out would be choked sobs and noises that sounded like a sentence was about to form but he couldn't even get the first syllable out. 

To say he was terrified was an understatement. 

Kanade tried to bring his attention to her, "You're having a panic attack,” As soft as her voice was, it was the loudest thing he heard. 

He vaguely heard of the word but never expected to be on the receiving end of it. A million thoughts had run through his head, but Kanade’s voice was somehow able to be the only thing he could focus on. As she seemed to know how to handle it more than he, he listened to what she told him to do.

He followed through what she told him to do to get him to calm down. Eventually, she offered to hug him if it would help and he had accepted. Despite the other being taller than her, he slumped against her almost perfectly, his head burying against her shoulder. They held each other as he went through possibly the most horrific ordeal of his life. The only sounds that echoed through the SEKAI were his own and it was an even more unsettling thing to hear.

She was the only one who was grounding him, preventing him from slipping further. She was warm and so caring, even to someone like him. Her body heat and being held had been the things he focused on the most as well as her voice. How long had it been since they last hugged? Far, far, far too long. He never did forget the last time they hugged.

Eventually he quieted down. His breathing had evened out, save for the occasional shuddering sighs as he tried not to cry again. He let go of her when he was ready, trying to ignore the guilt that began to grow. 

She said nothing for a few minutes. She waited for his breathing to even out and for him to regain control of himself again before she spoke, "Are you okay now?" 

"I-yeah," He said quietly, his voice somehow even quieter than hers, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for being a pain right now."

"Don't apologize. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

He shook his head. He sounded so defeated, as if tired of himself. He took a shuddering breath as he tried to continue his sentence, “N-no, I was a bother to you a few years ago, right? When your dad was in the hospital and I kept saying I wanted to make you happy. That was very stupid of me, Kanade. You shouldn’t have to be happy especially during a moment like that. I should’ve comforted you, let you grieve instead…I’m sorry.”

She wished that she had brought it up earlier. He had beaten her to it and hearing his side of the story was a bit troubling to her. If only she hadn't been such a coward. Maybe he wouldn't have had dealt with a panic attack? There was no way she would let him feel that way for long though. 

In a perfect world, Kanade would’ve been able to grieve. She would’ve had her mother still with her, comforting her and being the one in charge of everything. Or she would’ve had her relatives move in with her and they would’ve made sure she was never alone. Better yet, her father would’ve never had to go to the hospital in the first place. Anything, anything that wasn’t the outcome that she had faced currently. 

But it was never how it went. And she couldn’t grieve for long. As awful as the situation was, it was just how things came to be. She had to survive. She had to move on. 

And Tsukasa had helped her move forward.

“Tsukasa…,"She was careful with her words, "That’s not how it really happened.” 

“H-huh?” The answer had seemed to surprise him. He was deep in thought for a few moments before he turned to her with a confused gaze, “I admit my memory isn’t really the best so forgive me about me misremembering…but how did it really go then?”

“I was alone when you found me, Tsukasa. You comforted me even when you were worried about your sister. You were the only person I had shown what I really felt that day.”

“But I thought you ignored my texts because I annoyed you…” 

That stung, she had to admit. The fact that the whole time there was someone who was willing and waiting to talk to her but she didn’t allow it to happen. How could she have been so stupid? “I didn’t want to be a bother. And by the time I had gathered some courage to text you, I thought too much time had passed and you moved on. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how much I had hurt you. I-”

“Nonono! You didn’t hurt me, don’t ever think like that!” Tsukasa quickly held her by the shoulders, “Kanade, you never did hurt me. I swear! In fact…I think you were the only person who had seen how I really felt too. I clearly don’t remember that day well but I remember you! I remember you comforting me too. What you did was more than enough for me and I don’t know how to thank you enough.” 

He didn't let go of her even when the conversation fell silent. She didn't mind at all.  She knew this could end in a back and forth of continuously apologizing so she didn't say anything else. There was a relief that washed over her finally, though. Everything she had been wanting to say had finally been resolved. For the most part, that is.

“So we were both lonely that whole time.” Kanade smiled sadly.

He returned the smile, “…Yeah…I guess we are.” 

The stage floor was cold on their backs but it didn’t bother them at all. They stared at the cloudy sky, trying to figure out what shapes the clouds were or if they could even catch a glimpse of the sky. They couldn’t find either but it didn’t matter too much to them at all. It felt almost expected.

The day was exhausting enough to lull them to a comfortable silence. It was the longest they had ever spoken in a long time but it felt as familiar as if they had spoken yesterday. They knew it was just the first day of many to come together (no way would they let each other slip by again).

Surprisingly, Kanade was the one who spoke up. She sat up, catching his attention. Before he could ask, she said perhaps a bit too bluntly, "I want to make a song to save you." 

He sat up quickly upon hearing those words, "Kanade…You have other people to save! Don't focus on someone like me, just saving other people would be enough!"

"You're one of them. Tsukasa, you saved me. I want to repay the favor."

Tsukasa fell silent, and it was obvious with the way his eyes watered he didn't have a retaliation, "Geez, You're gonna make me cry again." He laughed to shake off his sobs. It wasn't the boisterous laugh he gave but one someone emotionally exhausted would give. 

“But you’re already crying,” There was a weak attempt at a joke. One that would get them to both still chuckle at that.

"I want to make a show for you. One that's the greatest show you'll ever see and bring you the biggest smile possible!" 

"But-"

"It's not fair if one of us is going to save the other without the other helping, right? My dream is to be a star but to be one that makes everyone happy! And it would be the biggest honor to make you a show that would make you happy. You deserve to be happy! " 

By the time he finished the sentence, he wasn't the only one in the SEKAI with tears in their eyes.

They were both crying, trying to get the other to stop but the tears wouldn’t stop pouring. They gave up on that idea quickly and before the other could thing, they had their arms wrapped around each other again in a tight embrace. 

They couldn’t fix the past at all. The missed times they could've spent was long since a permanent part of their lives. From present onward, there was some hope though. 

Kanade had a sinking feeling that the worst was to come for him. She could only go off by feelings but there was no doubt in her mind that she wouldn't be even slightly correct. The SEKAI, their conversations, his feelings...it was something she couldn't fix, she knew. Damned if she didn't at least try to help though.

She hugged him a little tighter.

Miku, Rin, and MEIKO had walked to the stage to find two figures laying on the floor. Upon closer inspection, they could see it was Kanade but there was someone else next to her. The two were asleep, arms wrapped around each other. 

“Is this the Tsukasa Tenma you’ve been talking about, Miku?” Rin asked.

“Yes.” Miku picked up a blanket from the ground and began to walk over to the stage. She placed the blanket over them, careful to not wake them up. 

“But if he was meant to be here…” MEIKO frowned. 

“They can save each other.” 

“How are you certain? Mafuyu hasn’t even been saved yet.” Rin crossed her arms.

“I just have a feeling,” She answered as she looked at the two. She walked away from the stage and to her skeptical friends, “This is the first time I’ve seen Kanade cry.” 

The two simply stared at Miku, unsure of what to say. There was something that was on their minds though as they looked at the sleeping pair. 

Before MEIKO could ask, she was interrupted by a sound echoing the SEKAI.

"Oy, Miku, Rin and MEIKO! I'm here to hang out!" Mizuki's voice echoed. They ended up being just feet away from the three. They grinned as they approached them until they saw something on the stage. They didn't even need to look closer as she only knew one blond, "Is that Tsukasa and Kanade?! No way!"

 It would be quite the story to tell later but at that moment, Miku watched as the chaos ensued the moment Tsukasa woke up and realized he was sleeping so close to Kanade. Then he locked eyes with a very amused Mizuzki. 

It was comical watching them interact especially when Kanade woke up. Tsukasa was his loud usual self and for the moment, it felt normal. It felt like three happy teens just talking and teasing each other. There were no troubles other than a very comical misunderstanding and a very amused outsider looking in.

Tsukasa was flustered, Kanade was neutral and Mizuki was laughing their head off. But there was no real tension or sadness between the three at that very moment.

Deep down, they knew the moment was limited and the burst of happiness was very short fleeted but Miku and the others wouldn't dare point that out. 

It was fine to live that fantasy for a while.