Chapter Text
Zoro woke up and was already disappointed. The sound of laughter, the sound of...moving was filling the hallways of his apartment building, he was gonna get a headache if his new neighbors kept being so loud. What time even was it? Zoro rubbed his eyes and looked around the room for his phone... there. He picked it up and...
It was 5 pm. He'd been asleep for a good two hours. Unfortunately he woke up. Zoro scrolled through his phone till the sound of a crash came from next door. Zoro grumbled and slowly got up to open the door to see what the fuck was happening outside. When he got out to stare he saw three men, one on the floor with a box right next to him, two standing over him holding in a laugh as they carried their own boxes. Were they all... his new neighbors?
The one on the floor started to laugh. The laugh made Zoro snicker. What a laugh-
"What the fuck are you doing? "
The three snapped to look at Zoro while Zoro stared at the one on the floor.
"Moving. " the kid was wearing a strawhat. With nothing else said he jumped up from the floor and picked the box up.
"... what? "
"Yeah! I'm Monkey D. Luffy and I'm your new neighbor... well Sabo and Ace are too!"
Zoro stared at them with a blank stare for a long time before nodding. "I'm Zoro. Keep it down. Thanks. "
And Zoro retreated back into his house and Enma found her way onto Zoros lap as he sat back on the couch.
"Shit.. "
Zoro leaned back into the couch. He had the apartment to himself (for now) till Usopp and that dreadful (affectionate) Sanji came back home.
And Merry, which was pleasant.
Zoro sighed and listened to the back and forth between his new neighbors. This was so stupid, thin ass walls in this stupid apartment building.
Nami should use what they pay in rent to fix up the place, but somehow she outsmarts them everytime... fucking landlords.
Zoro continues to listen to the conversation outside.
"That green haired dude totally was woken up from a nap. "
"He's kinda hot. "
Zoro choked a little- Huh!?!
"I honestly would disagree with you usually, but yeah, super fucking hot. "
Zoro blinks... what the hell? He felt his cheeks warm up and he shook his head- god what is wrong with him? Has he never been complimented before?
... he couldn't lie... the strawhat guy is kind of cute.
~~~
Zoro groaned as Sanji flicked his forehead and woke him up from his 2nd nap that day.
"What, dartbrow? "
"Good morning, moss pubes. "
Zoro groaned. "Stop mentioning that. " Zoro felt his cheeks warm up at the memory- okay, why did Sanji walk in right when he had propped up his leg to shave down there?
Usopp cheered as he walked in with Merry in tow, holding all the groceries. "I did it, all the groceries in one trip! "
"You're all so loud... "
"Sorry, Sleeping Hideous, can't take a little noise after sleeping your day off away? "
Zoro glanced up at Sanji who was already walking into the kitchen to start on dinner. "Shut up. I'm off all week- one fight and suddenly I'm a danger. "
Usopp hollered. "One fight! You're lucky you didn't get arrested. "
"Then I can pretend I don't speak English, the classic Japanese card. "
"But it's bad when I pull the 'I'm black' card? "
Zoro rolled his eyes. "No, honestly you should use it more. On Sanji. Specifically. " Usopp laughed.
"What was that you stupid, green headed fuck?! " Sanji practically shouted and Zoro groaned. Always so fucking loud. "Feed Enma and Merry, since you are just gonna slack off around home all week. "
Zoro waved him off and gathered the pets plates to wash them. Usopp continued to put the groceries away while Sanji chopped some vegetables Zoro didn't know the name of.
Maybe it's jalapeños.
"You should make Mexican food. "
"Are you the one cooking, Mossy Fuck? "
Zoro huffed. "Just sayin'. Usopp side with me. "
Usopp looked over and shrugged. "You should, cause I'm black, yknow? "
Sanji muttered some curses under his breath and started up his rice cooker. "I should kick you both to the curve and start my life with Nami~~! "
Zoro laughed at the sight of Sanji's ass shaking at the mere thought of Nami- Usopp seemed to think it was hilarious too.
Zoro poured a generous amount of cat food into Enma's bowl and dog food into Merry's. Enma meowed crazily as she followed him into the living room. Merry simply wagged her tail rapidly. Zoro smiled and placed the dishes down, and watching as the two immediately started to chow down.
He joined Usopp in the living room. Sanji did whatever Mexican food he was planning in the kitchen.
"Wanna watch impractical jokers? "
Zoro grinned. "Yeah. "
~~~
"Aceeee... I'm hungry.... And the neighbor is making such yummy food..... Sabooooo.... "
Ace put a hand to Luffy's face and shoved him away, "Go bother Sabo, I'm setting up our new tv. Maybe learn how to cook-""Bleeehhh! Shut up. "
Ace felt his eye twitch but ignored it and let his brother go bother Sabo. He couldn’t strangle Luffy yet, no, no, he could never harm his little brother.
not counting all those times when they were kids-
Luffy stepped into Sabo's room and looked around. It looked pretty basic, full sized bed shoved into the corner, a computer-table set up tucked into the corner, a shelf being built in the middle, a dresser... Sabo struggling.
"Sabooooo... I'm hungry. "
Sabo looked up from the nightmare that is this shelf and sighed. "Luffy, go bother Ace. I have to build three of these- ""He said to go bother you!"
Sabo groaned. "C'mon. "
Luffy followed after his brother and started calculating all that he could eat. There was a Columbian place not too far away... maybe he could get a- "Here. " Sabo knocked on the neighbors door and bolted back home.
Luffy blinked. The green headed guy... Zoro opened the door and stared. "What's up?"
He was less cranky than earlier. Luffy could smell whatever was cooking up close now... it smelled so good. "Can I eat your food? I'm starving. "
It's true! He hasn't eaten since lunch (at 1!) and now it's 9... he's been so busy with making his room and moving stuff around that it slipped his mind.
"Uhhh, sure. Come in, it's not ready though. "
Luffy walked in and the aroma was breathtaking.
There was also a blonde cooking in the kitchen. "Hi, I'm Luffy. "
The blonde turned around. "Usopp, Sanji, this is our new neighbor. He said he's starving and wants to eat your food, Sanji.”
Sanji laughed. "I'm a charity now? Sure, sure. It's ready in like... 30 minutes. "
Luffy smiled. "Yeah! Thank you! “
Then Luffy was 'attacked' by Merry's special attack- pouncing on you and licking your face.
Zoro laughed.
Luffy seemed to enjoy it- so he walked back into the living room to watch the show.
"Zoro, Usopp, set the table! " Sanji yelled from the kitchen... of course, as soon as he sat down.
Fucking dart brow. He does it anyway.
...
The table is ready, and there's an unreasonable amount of food on the table. "I expect that you fucking eat 80% of it- since you ruined my dinner plans with your need for Mexican food. " Sanji takes a seat in his usual seat and glances over at Usopp to his right. "You especially."
Usopp gulps. "Thanks Sanji! Maybe you can bring some to Nami? "
Sanji stares at Usopp. Unblinking. "Or not- ""You're totally right~~~! "
"This looks so yummy! Thank you, Sanjay!”
"Sanji. "
"Sanjay! "
Zoro snickers to himself. "Just eat, damnit!" Sanji seemed like he was 9 seconds away from a nerve bursting.
Luffy starts to go to town on the yellow rice dish in the middle, serving himself 3 giant spoonfuls onto his plate. Sanji called it... traditional yellow rice with refried beans and carne to the side.
Zoro served himself next, he wouldn't lie, he was fucking starving.
The four of them ate- or Luffy inhaled the food while the three of them ate normally. "Jesus, Luffy, calm down... " Usopp stared in horror.
Luffy looked up and smiled, "This tastes just like how my mom made it! "
Sanji blinked. "Are you Mexican? "
"No. "
"Racially motivated, Sanji. " Usopp put a hand to his mouth. Zoro laughed as well- even though he kind of also assumed that from Luffy mentioning his mother-
Sanji face planted. "Then what are you? "
"Brazilian! But I was raised by a Mexican. " Luffy swallowed the forkful. "My grandpa was sooo mad when me, Ace and Sabo spoke Spanish instead of Portuguese. "
Sanji rolled his eyes. "Who's Ace and Sabo? "
"My brothers. They're probably hungry too, could I bring them some food? " Zoro stared at Luffy and smiled to himself- Usopp definitely saw it from how he wiggled his eyebrows at him... ugh.
"Yeah, sure, this is too much food anyway.”
"Be careful though, Ace might want to wife you up. "
Sanji started choking and Usopp laughed wildly while attempting to help Sanji. Zoro's laugh roared through the apartment and Luffy blinked. "What? He keeps talking about how he's gonna find a chef and wife them up. "
Sanji recovered and blinked. "Do you not hear yourself, Luffy? Your brother is insane.”
"He is narcoleptic. "
Sanji laughed. "Yeah? Okay. Let him try and wife me up then. See if he can do it. "
Usopp whined. "You promised we would get married if you didn't by the time we were 30..."
"It wasn't a direct promise! "
"I hoped you would wait it out! "
"No, dumbass! I assumed you would be trying to get someone else too- not camping for me! "
Usopp fell back in defeat... "Sanjay is the meanest-""Sanji, you pricks! Sanji. "
Luffy laughed as the two bickered back and forth. Zoro liked his laugh, it was nice to hear. Sort of like- heartwarming.
Luffy looked up at him and Zoro quickly looked away- shit- he got caught. Zoro felt the heat rush to his cheeks- god.
Thankfully this time, Usopp was too busy crying and whining over Sanji not being is true love. "You made this food for me! "
"I did not- I made it for Nami! "
"The landlord? "
Zoro chuckled, "Yeah, he's like madly in love with her and keeps thinking he has a chance. "
Sanji looked over. "I do, I'm telling you, I do! "
The door knocked and Zoro sighed to go get it... he opened the door to see Sabo and Ace, staring at him like puppies. "... Hello super hot neighbor- do you mind if we eat your food... we are starving-""Just come in."
The two bowed their heads, "Nice to meet you!" The two said... basically at the same time. Ok... where were Luffy's manners?
Sanji and Usopp stopped fighting and looked at the pair. Usopp squeaked. "Please don't wife up my future husband-""Usopp!”
"I'll get you guys some plates... just sit down at the table. " the two comply and Zoro sighs. This is too lively for him- he needs a joint.
He'll ask Law for one later.
Zoro returns with the plates to see Sanji pushing Usopp away while listening to Ace's day. Sabo seems to be drooling at the food.
"Here. "
Zoro sits back down next to Luffy and sits back.
He pulls out his phone.
Me: yo can I get a joint
Petty ass doctor: fine, 15 dollars.
Me: asshole, that's fucking insane for a damn joint
Petty ass doctor: Hm. Let me ask Eustass.
Me: don't ask him. Sell me 5 for 50. Dick.
Petty ass doctor: deal. Send me the cash, dick.
Zoro groaned and sent over the money- "What is Zoro doing? " Luffy asks and Zoro jumps.
"Huh- nothing. Don't worry. "
Usopp leans over the table, "he's probably buying weed from Law. "
Luffy gasps, "Law lives here? "
"Yeah. You can hear him and his boyfriend fucking throughout the whole damn building. " Zoro makes a face thinking about the absurd noises the two fucking make. But remembering when Nami walked up to their door and smacked the shit out of both of them made it much better-
"Gross. "
"Yeah, it is fucking gross. " Zoro agreed and watched as Ace and Sabo devoured the meal in front of them... but with more manners than Luffy.
"Whatever Luffy said about wife-ing you up was right, wanna be my wife? "
Sanji seemed appalled. Usopp whined again "Stop! He was supposed to be my husband! "
"Usopp- stop saying that- we were 14! "
"So you do want to marry him! " Sanji turned a dark shade of pink and kicked Usopp down to the floor.
"No! I don't wanna marry anyone, shut the fuck up! "
Usopp held his chest and cried softly, "That hurt... "
Sabo and Ace laughed. "You deserved that.” Sabo said, laughing as Usopp flopped around the floor like a fish out of water.
Zoro needed this joint now. He had a fucking headache... but Luffy laughing was still nice.
His phone dinged.
Petty ass doctor: I'm outside, come get your stupid joints.
Petty ass doctor: and tell the people over to shut up, I can hear it from upstairs
Zoro got up and walked to the door and everyone seemed to distracted by the... marriage fiasco to notice.
"Hey. "
"Whatever, hello. Take your damn joints. " Zoro stared at the polar bear tin and held back a laugh.
"Thanks, asshole. "
Law gave him a middle finger as he walked away. Zoro rolled his eyes and went back inside to see Luffy staring up at him. "What's that? "
"Drugs. "
"Cool. Usopp got kicked in the nuts," Zoro felt that in his balls- fucking ow, "And Ace insists on marrying Sanji. We're leaving now, but I'll come visit again! "
Zoro smiled. "Yeah, see ya'. " Zoro waved and walked into the safety of his room... Usopp was definitely going to wash dishes after that scene.
...
He was gonna wait till later to smoke.