Chapter Text
I never knew how staggering a life could be, no matter how apathetic it was. For the first time, it felt like riding a never ending curve of roller coasters. Minus the part where you could actually throw up all the food you ate since breakfast. It's like when you scream, no, not in agony, but of joy, excitement, and maybe just like a thrilling adventure, perhaps. To other people, this would've been identified as 'butterflies in your stomach.'
Or so I thought...
~~~~~~~~~~
It all started 2 months ago...
~~~~~~~~~~
"So ___, we heard..." Jean Kirstein, the snarky young man with dark ash blond hair, started. His smirk reminded everyone a horse's. I don't even know why they call him 'horse-face', he doesn't even look like one to start. It was probably because he sported a long face? Eren Jaeger, the hormonal boy who gets furious at almost everything, he has this certain desire to whoop all of the titan's asses one day and bring faith in humanity once again, but scratch that, Eren Jaegar has the greenest eyes of all. Anyways, Eren was the one who started it all. Him and Jean always had childish fights for who knows why.
"...that you were by far the weakest and most awful cadet ever here in the scouting legion; when it comes to ranking, of course," Jean continued as he proceeded to dust the shelves. Today was cleaning day, after all.
"-Congratulations to that."
I blinked then raised a brow, "Okay, I get it" I gritted my teeth,"You're one of the top 10 and you rank really high and all, but you don't have to rub it in you know." Even though to other people, it may seem easy to accept, but to me, it's not. I felt repugnant to myself. I'm not strong like Mikasa or Annie. I'm not brave like Sasha or whatsoever... I'm fragile and a wimp. I don't even know how I survived these past years.
I started to walk away from Jean to move to a more peaceful spot where I can clean without no one disturbing me.
Then Jean grasped my arm all of a sudden and apologized, "Yeesh. Sorry for being a dick, I didn't knew you were so sensitive about it."
"Fine." I puffed.
"So are we cool now?" Jean asked.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Put a sock in it." I said in return and hesitantly removed his hand off of my arm and began cleaning.
'Sweet' he muttered. But before he went back, he stopped and said, "Oh yeah, ___, if it makes you feel better, Krista wasn't really supposed to be in her rank number."
I sighed. I just can't stop pondering about what just had happened.
~~~~~~~~
"Hey, ___, do you want to sit next to us?" Armin, one of the honor students, invited me.
"Oh, but are you sure? You're table's quite full, and I don't want to get in the way," I stated. Just the thought of talking to someone makes me feel jittery.
"Armin, are you sure?I've heard rumors that she sucked and was weird to be around with," uttered Eren. Just hearing that made me flinch. Maybe it is the best to stay away from these nosy people.
I gulped.
"Yeah, sorry guys, but too bad I can't hang right now. I got some better things to attend at," with that, I quickly turned and paced away from the group while sneakily pocketing a pieace of bread.
"Eren, you suck. You made her go away," Armin scoffed.
Mikasa, the raven haired girl who always wore a red scarf, sighed in disagreement with Eren's actions.
In the midst of a heated conversation, Jean interrupted, "So, nobody likes ___, huh?" he began chewing his bread as he sat himself next to Armin.
"Who invited you here?"Eren asked harshly. Jean rolled his eyes and ignored his question.
"It's not that nobody likes her, she just...seems too fragile and-" Armin wasn't able to finish his sentence because another person barged into the conversation.
"It's because you pity her, am I right," Reiner stated. He's one of the tallest guys, he's also one of the highest ranking cadets, next to Bertholdt, Reiner's friend; also tall, he's different though, if you can put it into words, he's rather perverse, and sweating most of the time.
" 'Pity' is such a strong word," replied Armin.
"What Armin was trying to say here is that he wants to be friends with ___," Mikasa put into words what Armin had trouble saying.
"Sounds like a heated topic you got there! Mind sharing some soup with me?"Sasha, also a high ranking cadet, vocalize as she munched her food vigorously. She was known as 'Potato-girl' for stealing a potato on one of her first days and she got punished for it. Even though she might not look like it, but she's very courageous, and is pretty good at hunting, too.
"Plot twist: Armin has a crush on ___!" Connie, the guy with a buzzcut, teased. He sat himself beside Armin as they shouldered each other's shoulder. Armin was now between Connie and Jean.
The girl with a remarkble huge nose just sighed. But the girl with large blue eyes opened her mouth and said, "Guys, don't jump into conclusions, you guys don't know her enough to judge her like that." Her name was Krista. It was really questionable as to why she even got to the higher ranks in the first place. But aside all of that, she has a pure heart and can calm a storm anytime.
Eveyone was awestruck by her short speech, especially Reiner. The girl's physical form looked like that of a God's, no whonder why many people had a secret crush on her.
Then, another person intruded, "I don't know why all of you are talking about ___, if you ask me, she's not the brightest crayon in the box." She was known as 'Ymir'. She was already capable of being a member of the top 10, but rumor has it that she slacked off.
"Do you have a better topic to discuss about?" Reiner questioned.
"Yeah, I do," Ymir paused for a moment, "I heard yet another rumor that says anyone who almost failed, gets to be punished by the higher ups."
Collective gasps were heard, coming from the group.
"What's going to happen to them?" Armin asked, it's almost obvious that you can see him shivering from a distance.
"Are they gonna lessen their food?" Sasha cowered in fear.
"Or are they gonna make 'em run laps everyday for 5 hours straight?" Connie half whispered-half shouted.
"Are they gonna clean the horse stables forever?"Eren asked in fright as he sent a teasing glare at Jean. Jean clicked his mouth in annoyance.
"No, worse." Ymir squinted her eyes, "You'll be the squad leaders 'pet dog'."
Everyone was quiet. Some were gulping, even though they were sure that they weren't the one's who was got to be punished like that.
Then Annie coughed to get their attention, "What's worse is if you end up to be Lance Corporal's pet dog."
"I'd rather die," Jean admitted in terror.
"Lucky for us, we're one of the lower rankees—or else we will be forced to clean everything that's already sparkling against our will," Bertholdt gulped.
"I can still make you brats do that even if you weren't top cadets," The almighty-clean-freak-drag-queen said in annoyance.
"L-lance Corporal Levi!" everyone in the table shouted in unison as they immediately did a salute.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you better finish your supper before you ran out of time," Levi took a sip from his cup," Sheesh, and can you brats lower it down a bit? Some people here are trying to eat peacefully and doesn't want to here your bullshit gossips."
"Yes, sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~
'I just wanna go home.' You thought as you unenthusiasticly took a bite from your bread then sighed.
Your eyes felt heavy from time to time, now that you haven't realized that you already fell into deep slumber.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Cadet, wake the fuck up," a cold familiar voice tried to wake me up.
"Just...5 more minutes, Mom," I whispered to myself as I shifted my back to the other side, continuing my sleep.
"Won't wake up, eh?"the voice said in annoyance. Then he poured his cup of tea to my face.
The burning sensation wasn't divine in the least, it was hurting, it was actual fuck.
"HOLY SHIT," I shouted, then I immediately tried to stood up but fell in the process. I couldn't blink my eyes for obvious reasons.
The man, was obviously, Levi.
Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and grieved in aggravation then he finally lend me a hand a said, "Just—here, take my hand."
I tried to feel where his could be, but alas, I failed at it—so he just groaned in response then grabbed my hand and pulled me up without my permission, making me fall flat on his chest-assuming it's his chest.
"You're so clumsy, you know?" Levi asked. Rhetorically.
"So, I've been told," I gritted in response.
"Here." Levi threw his handkerchief on my hand, "Use that to wipe your shitty face, clean up, then I want you in my office in about..." he paused to look at his watch first before continuing, "40 minutes. I'll make you run additional laps, but it depends on how many minutes you're late, deal? I'll be in my office, now." Levi turned his back and finally left this goddamned place and me alone.
'But it's still way too dark for me to...ah! Whatever, I'm wasting precious time!' I thought.
I hurriedly ran to dorm room to grab some clothes then went to the nearest bathroom and took a fast shower as much as possible. It took me 20 minutes to take a bath, 10 minutes to dress up. (Ugh, talk about getting myself tangled all over these...belts). It also took me 10 minutes to get to Corporal's office. (I wasn't too familiar with the place itself.)
Then finally, I stood in front of his intimidating office. I knocked on the door, I was sweating and trembling in the process. This is overwhelming...
"State your name and your business," his cold yet husky voice said from afar.
"It's ___ ___, y-you wanted me in your office," damn, why did I have to fucking stutter?
"Come in."
Holy crap, I can't stand this right now, I might as well get the punishment I deserve for slacking off, right? No, ___, you got to stay positive! Maybe Corporal's not that bad, right? Right? Oh, well I know! How about I knock him down then tie him somewhere and hide? Ahh, but that'll be a bad idea considering that he'll manage to avoid any kicks and punches that I'll send. I'm an 'award-winning' wimp, after all.
I gulped, I slowly twisted the door knob and made myself inside his neat room.
"Good morning, Lance Corporal Levi," I greeted and saluted him at the same time, trying my best not to break any eye contact.
"You're about 6 minutes late," he paused for a while, still not averting his gaze on his paperworks, "that means that you have an additional 6 laps to your 5 laps."
"Any feedbacks, Cadet ___?"
"Time is an illusion, sir," I bluntly uttered.
'That was SO stupid of me to say!'
Levi raised a brow then dropped his pen, "Such vocabulary, cadet ___, if you don't want to suffer more, then I suggest you start running now, oh and one last thing," he finally averted his steely cold blue eyes into mine, "I want all the stables to be cleaned before all the other Cadets wake up."
I sighed in defeat, "May I just ask what time it is?"
"It's 2am."
~~~~~~~~~~
The open fields is so fucking big I cannot comprehend with that shorty. I might just faint when I get to just the half of the 1st lap, for all I know.
Better start running now though.
~~~~~~~~~~
I just finished running my 11th lap, and ugh. I couldn't feel my now numb legs. My body remained torpid for a while, then I finally had the guts to stand up and went to the stables to clean them.
~~~~~~~~~~
Covered in horse shit.
~~~~~~~~~~
Luckily, I still have time to take a bath, so I gladly took one.
...
As I made my way out, I bumped into one of my roomates, Mikasa.
It was quiet for awhile, just when Mikasa took the opportunity to chat.
"You're quite early today, ___," Mikasa started.
"Yeah, I was up since 2am or something." I stared at myself at the mirror. 'God, how messy I look, even though I just took a bath.' I thought to myself.
Mikasa grabbed the face towel from nearby to dry her hair and face.
"I didn't know you wake up this early, the sun isn't even up yet," I said as I tried to straighten my hair-I forgot to bring my hair brush.
"Which reminds me, what kind of 'errands' did you do last night to keep you as busy to skip bed time?" a hint of suspicion can be heard in the tone of her voice.
"Well..." I was starting to stare at the ceiling for some answers. Not that there are any answers to spare.
"Does it really matter, though? I mean, what's good is that I'm already up and moving," I brought up.
Mikasa clicked her tongue, "Sure, I guess it's fine if you don't want to tell me."
I just nodded in response.
I quickly grabbed my stuff and went for the exit.
"___," Mikasa started.
'Oh, what is it now?'
"If you want to join breakfast with us, then you're free to do so, and please forget what Eren said to you last night, Eren was just being...Eren. Well, he's really not all that bad, if you get to know him," Mikasa enunciated.
I blinked, "Sure Mikasa, I'll consider that."
I hurriedly made my way out of the room and went to Corporal's office.
~~~~~~~~~~
*knock, knock*
"State your name and your business."
"It's ___, I've finished all the chores you made me do for you," I stated.
"Very well, come in."
As I made my inside, I gazed around his room. You could tell that he takes really good care of it, judging that I can already see my reflection on his floor.
"Cadet ___, are you listening?" Levi demanded.
I flinched at the tone of his voice. "S-sorry sir, I was just captivated by your office. It's so spotless."
LevI adjusted his cravat, "Hmm. Speaking of spotless, I want you to look like one as much as possible."
'What? But I just took a bath?' I thought.
"Sir, define 'clean'." I may sound like a fucking yahoo right now, but something just tells me that this Corporal is a..eugh, a neat freak.
Levi stood up, he paced in front of me, eyed me from head to toe.
I gulped. Man, this is so awkward, he's so close to me! So close, that our nose might touch...or worse, so close, that we might end up smooching!
UGH, gross thoughts, go away! YOU'RE NOT NEEDED HERE.
Anyway, I'm sweating like hardcore right now. This shorty is messing with me.
"I wouldn't call someone tidy if they had messy hair like yours, and plus, what's with the harnesses? They're all out of fucking place, you jackass! What if we went on an expedition with you looking like....that!" he pinched his temples, "Just, clean yourself up, and don't be late to Erwin's announcement later."
"Announcement? About what?" I questioned.
"You'll see. Now, get out."
~~~~~~~~~~
'I wonder what the announcement would be?'My thoughts wandered around my mind, it kept me really edgy. It couldn't possibly an expedition since it was scheduled to be on the next four months, or maybe they wanted to make the expedition earlier? Man, who knows.
Since my mind was too busy thinking such things, I didn't notice that I've already bumped into someone.
"Oof!" the person I bumped into and myself, said in unison.
"Hey, watch your ste- Oh, it's you," the hormonal boy with a burning passion, Eren, said.
What did he mean at 'it was only me'?
"I'm sorry, Jaeger, I was lost in my thoughts, didn't see ya."
Eren scratched his neck as he averted his gaze to the other side, "Um yeah, Oh, and ___, I guess I'm sorry for what I said about you when...you know, right? I wasn't thinking before I spoke the right words. I guess it makes you think of me as a jerk."
Actually, how thoughtful of Eren to have said that to me.
"Okay then. But that doesn't change the fact that you we're still being an ignorant asshole, though," I remarked with one of my eyebrows lifted. Arm croossed- sassy position and all.
Eren blinked. "Still, I'm sorry for calling you weak," Eren paused. "How about it, I can give you some of my bread to make it up for you?"
"Sounds fair. Deal," I agreed then we bid each other's farewell and proceeded to go where we we're supposed to go.
I was about to go outside to do my chores before breakfast first, but then I heard squad leader Hanji shouting.
"Everyone in line, right now! Commander Smith's orders!" she yelled from across. Every cadet did as what was told.
~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, everyone was already in their line. It took Commander Erwin a few minutes to go on stage, there he stood together with this trust worthy Lance Corporal.
Erwin stared at the cadets then he coughed.
"You're all probably confused as to why I called you all here. I'm going to announce this as fast as I can because I am a busy man and I don't want to miss breakfast," the Commander kept babbling and babbling. I wasn't paying the least attention at all.
Beside me was Jean, he tried to catch my attention by elbowing me. "Psst. __. Hey!" Jean half-whispered.
"What?" I hissed.
"From what I heard, they were going to assign low ranking cadets to be an assistance to squad leaders and stuff like that," Jean replied.
I gulped. "What are you trying to insinuate?"
Jean smirked. "I'm talking about you, __. You're definitely going to deserve this. You are probably the worst 140th cadet, right?"
I gasped in utter shock.
"H-how could you?" this time I shouted at him as I punched his arm. Which hurts. Ouch. I felt his hard arm muscles. My poor, poor, wimpy arms.
Next thing I knew, all the cadets were looking at me, even the higher ups. Erwin Smith was shocked and silenced as well.
"What do you think you're doing Cadet..?" the grumpy small captain dare asked me.
I immediately saluted the shorty captain as I tried to keep my cool on. I could 100% hear Jean whisper, 'you're so dead'. I raised a brow in response.
Captain munchkin quickly strides his way in front of me, which made the other cadets back away in utter shock and fear. He then grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.
"I've heard about you. What makes you think you have the right to interrupt your commander's speech?"
He demanded and answer. His steely-blue piercing eyes sent daggers into my fragile ones.
"I-it's Jean Kirschtein! He was talking about some nonsense and-"
"Kirschtein! ____! I'll meet you after this." Levi proceeded to go back to the stage.
"Erwin, continue your shitty speech."
~~~~~~~~~~
Blah blah blah.
He still isn't done yet,
I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE QUICK?
"Now I'm going to tell the names of the cadets that are going to be assigned as assistants to the higher ups, so you better listen carefully and remain here once I'm done with the speech," He paused for a moment, "Tina Johnson assigned to Squad Leader Mike, Tobias Schmitz assigned to Squad Leader Hanji, Bjorn Thomas assigned to Squad Leader..." and so on and so fort.
I could care less about this-
"___ ___ assigned to Lance Corporal Levi. And that's all of them. Have a good day. Dismissed," Erwin finished.
"What?!" I asked in confusion.
"You suck, you deserve this. Anyway, it's not like I was forced to babysit you, you little shit," Levi spat out in response.
"Quit being a pussy, ___," Jean teased.
"Oh yeah? Go on and FUCKING FIGHT ME FOR IT THEN, KIRSCHTEIN," I brought up my fist in front of his ugly face. I was gritting my teeth in the process.
"WITH PLEASURE, ROTMEAT." Jean was about to deliver a kick but he was interrupted by Captain Levi himself.
He was staring daggers at us, which made us stop already.
"Cadets. Take it easy, I don't have all day, so I'll make this quick. Kirschtein, stable cleaning 2 weeks. ____, since your my assistant now, I'll be glad to tell you your chores later. So would you fuckers just stay out of each other's hair for a moment? Okay Kirschstein, you're dismissed," he hissed in response.
After Jean left, I quickly went straight to Erwin and begged on my knees.
"Commander, please! Don't let me do this! I'd rather die than be with....him," I hissed the last part.
"Oh come on, ___, Levi can't be that bad. There's a reason why I trust him, you know. And plus, you're a low ranking cadet, so blame yourself I guess," His soothing voice tried to calm the inner bitch inside me.
"But! You don't understand, Commander, I'm actually p cool about this whole 'assistant thing'! But could you at least assign me to someone kinder instead?" my arms open as I pleaded, trying to fake a tear.
Commander Erwin then placed a hand on my head and then said, "Alright. I'll see what I can do, ___."
My eyes lit up with happiness.
"Oh, thank you commander!" I chirped jocosely. I was about to give him a hug, but then the corporal, yet again, tolerated me by putting a hand between us.
"It looks like your forgetting that I'm still the one in charge of your ass here," Levi snapped.
I sighed, muttering an, 'Ah, fine.' Still, I couldn't be much happier. I really want to switch places with someone.
I stood firmly at my position there waiting for corporal no-no to give me his orders.
"Okay, so I'll meet you later after lunch. I'm pretty busy to make your life miserable, right now. So, shoo." Corporal Levi made a shoo-ing hand effect. I gladly left.
"Thanks for wasting my time," I uttered between my heavy breathing. Dang, he called me yet that's all he's going to say? Talk about over using your power.
~~~~~~~~~~
I reluctantly entered the mess hall, waited in line to pick up my food. After I picked it up, I was trying to find a place to sit.
'I think it's already full.'
But then, some familiar voice started to call my name.
"___, ___!"
Where could it be coming from?
"Over here, ___!" Ah, it was none other than Armin himself. "Come sit with us." the blond haired boy smiled like the world was the most happiest place ever.
"Oh, sure!" I quickly made my way to their spot and sat myself next to Armin. "Thank you guys. Oh, and if you don't mind me asking; but is Jean gonna sit here too?" a hint of worry were in my eyes.
"We don't," says Mikasa.
"Yeah, horse-face isn't invited here, anyway, enough about him, we want to know more about you," Eren started.
I blinked; twice. "I don't do backstory's, but, if you insist."
Then I started telling them where I came from, and how I got here, considering how lame I am. Plus, I also added a few details such as my hobbies, my dream, etc.
After I finished babbling about my past, they all stared at me like I did something remarkably unbelievable.
"Wow, ___, I never knew you were so....poetic," Mikasa supposed. She was completely awestruck.
"Me, poetic? Nah, that's bullshit," I took a bite from my bread.
"Speaking of poetic, Armin here, is a fan of poems himself," Eren had a smug smirk planted on his face. Raising a brow, implying something.
Armin flinched, the blond was already flustered as fuck. "Hey, ___, I could show you some fantastic rhymes if you're interested."
I flashed a smile. "Gee, Armin, I'd actually love that, maybe. I'll see what I can do, 'cause you know, Corporal Levi's is going to make me busy, for like, my whole life until I get better, I guess."
"Is that a 'no'?" with that, Armin frowned.
"I-I wasn't saying that! Look, I'll see what I can do, 'kay?" I explained. 'OH NO, I FUCKING STUTTERED.'
"Okay...," the poor boy sighed.
Then the atmosphere among the four of us felt heavy for some reason.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Levi!" the bespectacled woman, Hanji Zoe, also a squad leader, called.
"What do you want with me? If it's gonna be about those titans, then I'm happy to decline.
"What? no! And you're never happy," she replied.
Levi clicked his tongue, "I'm always happy." with that, Levi sounded like the lead singer of a fucking rebellious emo/pop punk bad.
Hanji chuckled rather loudly, "Oh yeah, which makes me remember something, why did you chose that weak kid? I hate to be rude, but I'm being specific here."
Levi didn't talk back.
"I guess you're looking for someone to blame when things get fucked up, right?" Hanji grinned. Like an idea just popped up.
"I'm looking forward to this. All of this," Hanji then began to keep quiet and ate her food.
***End of Chapter 1***