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It takes a while for Zoro to realize what’s weird about the cook’s behavior. Sanji is always weird, fawning over Nami and picking fights over the dumbest stuff, but this is different.
Even though he thinks he knows the moment it started, Zoro doesn’t really get it. The others were doing something unimportant - for once Luffy hadn’t dragged him into it, so Zoro could get a nap in while Usopp and Sanji entertained him - but the Going Merry is a small ship, so he can’t help hearing everything.
“Shishishi! Good job, Sanji!”
Then a springing, snapping noise, and Zoro cracks open his eyes out of habit, even though the others are there, in case someone has to go diving overboard for their captain. But Luffy is still on the deck, arms wrapped around Sanji with one hand ruffling the cook’s golden hair, beaming at him. Instead of yelling and shoving him off, like he has every time until today, Sanji is red-faced and sputtering, cigarette falling from his mouth as Luffy praises him again.
There’s a big, ugly fish on the deck, so that must be what all the excitement is about. Zoro doesn’t see why the cook is acting differently about Luffy’s reaction this time, and the moment doesn’t last long, because the fish tries to flop back to freedom and everyone bursts into motion to save their dinner. The thing tastes good, because everything the cook cooks tastes good, and Zoro figures that’s the end of that.
Except it’s not, because that’s when this weirdness started. Instead of only doting over Nami and Vivi, Sanji starts dithering around Luffy, too, making him even more meat until the witch knocks some sense into him and complains about their budget. Sanji peers around corners to check on their captain at all hours of the day, and acts all caught out whenever Luffy thanks him for anything, and the girls exchange creepy knowing looks and whisper behind their hands, and Zoro doesn’t have the energy for any of this.
He thinks Usopp feels the same way, because he gets this pale expression on his face and starts muttering to himself whenever Sanji is doing this shit, but Zoro doesn’t bother to talk to their resident coward about it. Whatever’s up with the love-cook will blow over eventually.
“You don’t think the cook’s sick, do you?” Zoro asks Chopper. Both of them are lazing in the shade beneath Nami’s trees, the heat of the direct sun as they come into Alabasta’s climate zone far too hot, and the confined air belowdecks far too stifling.
“Sick?” Chopper repeats, sitting up in concern. “Why do you think so?”
Zoro shrugs, and waves down to where the idiot in question has just whirled out of the galley with a tray of refreshing drinks, already damp with a few rings of condensation from the girls’ treats, delivered first. Luffy is still sitting up on the figurehead despite the heat, and Zoro and Chopper spend a few moments watching Sanji fuss over their captain.
“All that, I guess.”
“Oh,” Chopper says, considering. “No, that seems normal.”
It’s good enough for Zoro, and he doesn’t have time for the cook’s antics anyway, especially not after they land in Alabasta. Luffy’s brother makes a few weird comments that make Sanji turn red, but that might just be the heat, and Zoro doesn’t have time to wonder much about them, either.
They have a huge feast after saving Alabasta, and even though all Vivi’s palace chefs are cooking for them, Sanji keeps doing his thing and won’t sit down until Luffy snags him by the arm, pulling their cook down next to him. Zoro gets it, this time. They almost lost Luffy, after all, and by now, Zoro understands how Sanji views his role on the ship as being responsible for taking care of all of them. It doesn’t explain the stiff way he sits while Luffy shovels food into his mouth one-handed, the other constantly patting Sanji’s knee or thrown around his shoulders. Shouldn’t the damn cook be able to relax now that they’re all safe?
“You’ll tell me if they figure it out, right?” Zoro overhears Vivi asking Nami, who rolls her eyes and nods.
He’s had either too many or not enough drinks to think about this. Banking on the latter, Zoro takes advantage of Alabasta’s gratitude, and as a result, doesn’t worry about anything the cook might be doing for the rest of the party.
~o~
Unfortunately, the weirdness only gets weirder. Whatever is wrong with the cook apparently infected Luffy too, because their captain starts making serious eyes at Sanji’s back whenever he’s not looking, and grabbing at him even more than usual. Luffy’s always been touchy, but this is something else. Zoro learns not to stand in the direct line between their captain and their cook whenever they’re in the same room, because practically every time he does, he gets clotheslined by Luffy stretching out an arm to poke at Sanji.
Usopp’s nervous muttering gets worse, Chopper starts doing it too, and Nico Robin’s knowing smiles are way more disturbing than Vivi’s were, not to mention how easily she and the witch become friends. Zoro is beginning to feel like the only sane member of a crew full of nutjobs.
At least his captain isn’t the type to waste any time. It all comes to a head over an otherwise normal dinner - what normal has become, anyway, with the damn cook hovering over Luffy’s shoulder every second he’s not doting on the girls.
Maybe that’s too dramatic a way to phrase it, because Zoro almost misses it, he’s gotten so used to Luffy reaching for Sanji and dragging him around. Their captain snags Sanji by the collar, pulls his face close, and plants a kiss on his cheek with an immature smacking sound.
Everyone goes silent. “Oh,” Sanji says, face flaming, and Luffy does it again, grinning widely as he draws back and thunks their foreheads together.
“Sanji should have said something earlier!” Luffy laughs.
“How sweet,” Robin comments, and that’s… that? The cook stammers something and goes to rustle around in the kitchen, completely failing to hide his flustered expression, and Luffy goes back to eating, looking only moderately more pleased with himself than usual.
“About time,” Nami adds. Zoro watches Usopp open and close his mouth a few times like a stupid goldfish, but he eventually swallows his reaction and regains some color in his face. The weird tension pops like a soap bubble, leaving a vaguely dreamlike residue over the rest of the meal, and everyone goes about their usual business afterwards as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.
~o~
“You like Luffy,” Zoro accuses the next day.
“A little slow on the uptake there, marimo?” Sanji asks, looking at him like Zoro is the weird one here. “Do you… have a problem with that?”
Zoro thinks about it for a minute. Why would he? “No.”
“Good,” Sanji slowly says. “Glad we had this talk.”
Then Luffy comes racing around the corner, sweeping them both off their feet and into one of his games, so really, everything feels more normal than ever.
~o~
The only change is the cuddling, and even that is less of a change and more of a… more. Zoro is used to waking up because one or another of his crewmates is having nightmares; usually it’s the cook, but Luffy isn’t immune, and he’s always felt a bit helpless, without anything to do for them. Now, he wakes up to their captain climbing into Sanji’s hammock nearly every other night, and if Zoro’s coming in from the night watch, he’s stopped worrying when he sees an empty bed. Honestly, the two of them should just start in the same bed, at this point.
Well, if it wasn’t for the whining every morning when Sanji gets up at the crack of dawn to do whatever it is he does in the kitchen before the rest of them wake up. Every time, Luffy clings and complains and generally makes a racket while Sanji tries to get free of him.
“Shut up,” Zoro grumbles, throwing his pillow at them. Sanji has the nerve to make an outraged sound, and Luffy only takes it as an invitation to involve him.
“Zoro! Make Sanji stay in bed,” their captain whines.
“As if the marimo can make me do anything,” Sanji hisses, still trying to be quiet.
“Don’t you want breakfast?” Zoro watches Usopp far-too-casually roll over to face the wall. Definitely woken by these clowns. “Cook’s got to get up.”
“Breakfast,” Luffy mournfully repeats, his fingers sliding from Sanji’s waist. “Hey, hey, Sanji, I want sausage!”
“I know you do,” Sanji says, all soft and fond in the pre-dawn light. Zoro closes his eyes, in case they want to kiss or something, but the cook finishes dressing and leaves without another word, Luffy already snoring again.
It all seems… idyllic, all peaceful and easy and shit. Maybe that’s why Zoro lets his guard down.
~o~
It’s a small ship. They’ve all seen shit they don’t want to, but Zoro still yelps in appalled surprise when he walks in on the cook with his hands down his pants. Sanji yelps back, and after a few seconds of mutual scrambling, instead of backing out and slamming the door behind him, Zoro blurts, “If you’re - with - then why -”
Sanji freezes in the middle of straightening his stupid tie, face still flushed. “Excuse me?”
“You and -” He can’t quite say it, and definitely doesn’t want to think about it, but, “- you’re dating. Isn’t that… a dating thing… together?”
“Are you really asking me about our sex life right now?” Sanji demands, face doing a complicated thing like he might scream or throw up or kill Zoro or maybe himself at any second. “We don’t do that, shit-swordsman.”
“Why not?”
“Maybe because Luffy’s got even less interest in physical stuff than you do?” Sanji says, looking like he also doesn’t know why Zoro suddenly has a death wish, or what to do about it.
“But you do,” Zoro observes. A little too literally. At this point the only way out of this conversation is to finish it.
“Sure, but it’s not that important,” Sanji retorts. “Easier not to involve other people in anyway, right? I’m perfectly capable of taking care of this myself.”
That much makes sense to Zoro. The time or two he’s tried to get off with another person were messy, awkward, and enough to put him off the idea almost entirely. He just never figured the cook would see it that way. “Sure. Just surprised, I guess. Thought you’d have some big speech about sharing that shit with your special person or whatever.”
Sanji sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this. There’s more than one kind of intimacy, and that’s not the kind I want to share with Luffy, marimo.”
“Good,” Zoro automatically says, and tries to think of something else before he can think too much about Sanji and Luffy and - any of that. “Uh. What do you want, then?”
“Isn’t that between us?” Sanji asks, regaining enough equilibrium to look irritated instead of aghast. “Use your common sense, moss-brained swordsman, if you have any. He makes me happy. I like taking care of him.”
“Good,” Zoro repeats, and he may not be one to back away from a fight, but he can recognize the opportunity for a tactical retreat when it’s this obvious. There’s no reason to antagonize the cook over something Zoro is pretty sure is a positive thing, so he makes himself scarce for the rest of the afternoon.
~o~
Zoro can’t help watching them a little more closely, after that conversation. He’s never been the type to think much about relationships, so he isn’t sure if what he’s seeing is normal or not. What use is normal anyway?
Luffy hugs Sanji a lot. More than the rest of them? Zoro isn’t sure, but differently from how their captain hugs the rest of them, smushing his face into the crook of Sanji’s neck until the cook’s mouth quirks up in an involuntary little smile. Sometimes Zoro hears the things Luffy mutters to him and pretends not to, all kinds of little praises and I’m so happy Sanji is my cook and other gentle words Zoro knows Sanji would hate for him to hear.
Sanji makes Luffy all kinds of special foods. Not more special than he makes for the girls; not even more thoughtful than he makes for the rest of them. More, though, for sure - that’s easy to measure. Less easy is how Luffy appreciates it differently than the rest of them do. Another more, in the way Luffy eats every bite like he’s never tasted anything like it, and Zoro can see why that would make the cook want to keep doing it.
Little things, like the way Luffy reaches out to touch Sanji whenever they’re close, just a brush of fingers down his sleeve half the time. The way Sanji always turns toward Luffy when he’s nearby, like a flower to the sun. How the cook soaks up every bit of affection like he’s starving for it, and Luffy hangs off his every word when he has Sanji’s attention.
Zoro is glad they’re not the kind of couple to kiss and make doe eyes at one another in public, even though Sanji still swoons over girls all the time. That would be annoying, but seeing them together leaves something heavy with contentment in his chest nonetheless. Giving them this isn’t something Zoro could do, no matter how much he cares about his crewmates, so he’s relieved that they’re so good for each other. Whether it’s normal or not doesn’t matter.
~o~
It feels a little different when they reach Water 7 and Usopp makes Luffy fight him over Merry’s fate. Once they find a hotel afterwards, Zoro wanders past the warm glow of light emanating from one of their rooms, the door not fully closed, and catches a glimpse of Sanji and Luffy inside. Luffy is crying - which makes Zoro want to go out and hunt Usopp down, just a little - and Sanji is holding him, the two of them pressed together so closely that Zoro can’t tell if both of them are shaking from sobs or if Luffy’s pain is enough to rock both of them.
He thinks Nami and Chopper are in the other room, which means he’s definitely supposed to share with their Captain and cook, but Zoro is, for once, more willing to risk the witch’s vengeful interest rates than Sanji’s ire. More than that, he feels like he’d be interrupting, for the first time since they’ve gotten together, and it’s an uncomfortable itch he doesn’t want to address right now. Closing the door, Zoro knocks on the other, and doesn’t give Nami the chance to turn him away before going in.
“What?” She snaps, wobbly with tears herself. Chopper starts bawling all over her shirt as soon as Zoro walks in, but it’s already damp, and her grip on his furry little form doesn’t loosen.
“Luffy and the cook,” Zoro mumbles. “Not that they’re - I’d just rather not bother them.”
“Oh,” Nami softly says. “Well. You’re on the floor if - when - Robin comes back.”
Chopper’s crying intensifies, and Zoro sees Nami wince. He sits on the empty bed and starts cleaning his swords, letting the routine ground him. They have a lot on their plates right now, a lot that Zoro isn’t equipped to handle, but he’s going to face all of it at top form.
“I’m glad Luffy has Sanji right now,” Nami says after a while. Zoro glances at her, pensive now rather than tearful. Chopper is asleep in her arms, and Zoro rather hopes the next room over holds a mirror of the scene.
“Me too.”
Zoro can’t help Luffy sleep through the night, but the cook has been doing that for ages now.
~o~
The only flaw with the new ship is that with the fancy new bathroom, Zoro is expected to bathe far more frequently, and can’t use the excuse that someone else is already doing so to get out of it.
“Go,” Nami threatens, pointing up to the bath when Zoro comes down from his workout in the crow’s nest. “Help Sanji wrangle Luffy.”
They’re still so fresh off of Eneis Lobby that Zoro doesn’t argue with her. Everyone’s been a bit… closer, since then; still a little shaken. Zoro can go rinse off if it helps everything go back to normal.
He walks in to find Sanji and Luffy at the showers, and the cook only makes a halfhearted complaint about his company, so Zoro ignores it entirely. Luffy babbles something excited from his stool, but he’s half-incoherent beneath Sanji’s hands as the cook massages shampoo into his hair.
Zoro waits for that feeling of being out of place, but it doesn’t come. Watching Sanji’s deft hands move over Luffy’s scalp is almost as soothing for him as it is for their captain, because Sanji catches him looking, and gives him a weird glance.
“Want me to wash your hair too, marimo?”
“No way,” Zoro scoffs, meaning it one hundred percent.
The exchange brings Luffy back to life, and he twists, grinning up at the cook. “I want to wash Sanji’s hair!”
Sanji sits through Luffy’s slapdash effort, and spends a few extra seconds rubbing rogue suds into untouched patches of his hair as their captain dashes off to the tub, following him after a quick rinse. By the time he gets there Luffy is already sinking beneath the warm water, and Zoro can’t help snorting at the idea that really, the prissy ero-cook rushing his own beauty routine for Luffy has got to be some sign of true love.
“Are you going to start acting awkward around us now, mossy?” Sanji asks, and Zoro realizes he’s been sitting under the shower spray without washing his own hair for a stupidly long time.
“Why would I?” Zoro retorts, smearing some soap through his own hair. Perfunctory job done, the rush of the water as he rinses it out almost drowns out Sanji’s reply.
“Dunno,” the cook huffs, and then, more quietly, “but you’d tell us, right? If something was weird?”
Zoro splashes into the bath and crosses his arms over his chest. “‘Course I would.”
The cook gives him a short nod, not quite meeting Zoro’s eyes, and Luffy burbles something, sliding down into the bathwater again. Hauling him up, Sanji hesitates for a second, a flash of blue beneath his dripping hair flickering toward Zoro, and wraps his arms around their captain.
He’s seen them cuddling enough before. This doesn’t feel any different. Zoro nods back and throws his arms over the edge of the tub, trying to look as relaxed and comfortable as possible.
“Good,” Luffy mumbles, and Zoro is a little surprised. He figured Luffy was entirely out of it. “‘Cause we love Zoro too. Zoro knows that, right?”
“Yeah,” Zoro says, surprised again.
“Just not like that,” Sanji adds.
“Duh.”
He does know. These are his two most important people, and he’s always known that how they care for each other won’t change how important he is to them in return. It never even occurred to him to wonder about that, even if there will be moments that are only for the two of them. He doesn’t need the same things they do, just like they don’t need to meditate and train the way he does.
“I know,” Zoro says, once he and Sanji are done rolling their eyes at each other. He’s still got a question, though. “How did you?”
“How did we what?” Sanji warily asks.
“Know,” Zoro impatiently clarifies, waving at the two of them all snuggled up together.
Sanji makes a dopey expression and starts spouting some bullshit about the intricacies of fate and choice or something, but Luffy just laughs and talks over him.
“I know Sanji loves me because he makes me all the food I want! And Sanji knows I love him because I tell him so!”
“It’s a little more complicated than that,” the cook mutters.
“Well, yeah,” Luffy says, “but Zoro knows what I mean, right?
Every one of the cook’s meals, perfectly balanced to support their captain’s ridiculous metabolism and needy demands; every time Luffy smiles at Sanji and wraps his arms around him like he’s screaming you belong with me. Even that first ordinary afternoon. Zoro has seen Luffy’s fear of being left behind and Sanji’s anxiety over not being good enough. He sees them less and less, the more time the two of them spend together, with the support of the rest of the crew.
‘Makes perfect sense to me, love-cook.”
“You two are impossible,” Sanji grumbles, but even ducking his face under the water doesn’t hide his smile.